Four days… It has been four bloody days since we lost our stinking trail. In what world would these loonies think it would be a good idea to go chasing after elk in the midst of a god damn snow storm. It’s not like they didn’t see it coming, we’re on top of a bloody mountain! Fools, none of them smarter than a troll’s arse.
Look at how far these geniuses have gotten us. They’re all dead, I’m covered in their stinking blood, my bow is sitting at the bottom of some river, I’ve soiled myself not once, but twice. And to top it all off I am stuck walking across a the frozen nowhere screaming and hollering at myself while being chased by some cranky banshee bitch.
I don’t get why she’s so pissed. It wasn’t our fault she had no legs and was having a bad hair day. That’s no reason to be going and biting smitty’s face off and punching a hole through Duncan and chomping on him like a dumpling on a stick. Geese Duncan was so fat. I never seen anyone eat more than him, well that is except for miss munchies herself. Wait what’s that.
No… NO…NO!
THE BLOODY RUM’S ALL GONE!
Take me now you damn she devil, there isn’t anything left to live for. Yea I see you creeping back there cheeky gal. Don’t think these lovely poems are for the crows. They’re all for you darling. Holy hell you are truly ugly. Look at those crooked chompers. I bet taking a bite out of my frozen arse will set your teeth straight. If not, it won’t make you look any worse.
There, now I’ve soiled myself three times. Some extra flavoring for ya dearest.
You call that running? You look like drunken squig, and that’s coming from a drunkard. Here take my bottle, jokes on you it’s empty.
Oh, wow sorry, I guess my aim gets a little better when I’ve been drinking. On the bright side your face looks a lot better!
Get up, let’s get this over with I don’t got all day. Seriously get up and stop being a drama queen.
HELLOOOO! You mean to tell me I pissed my pants for nothing. Ugh what a waste, I bet your momma felt the same way about you. Whelp, sorry love I best be going on my way. I guess I will go, um, that way.
Sleep tight beautiful and don’t let the bed bugs bite!
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