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...if so, how do you continue tabletop gaming? I believe I put up a thread similar to this not too long ago, but since then, I've gotten married, and things have changed pretty dramatically (not in a bad way). I had a good idea of what I was getting into, but I didn't know everything. Now, to get this out of the way now... I absolutely love my wife and my stepson and each of them are far, far more important than any piece of plastic, resin, or metal out there.

That said, one of the ways I can truly relax is building and painting models. Thankfully, GW has released a few very good skirmish length boxed games recently (Kill Team, Blood Bowl, AoS Skirmish, Necromunda, and I'm sure there are some I'm missing).

I'll admit that I'm not the greatest painter out there, but I do take pride in having well painted miniatures before they hit the table. Only on very rare occasion do I go in for a game without my models mostly or completely painted. So, for those who are married with small children - those children that truly want all your attention from the time you get home from work until they go to bed - how do you find time to build and paint? This doesn't have to be just for skirmish gamers but any tabletop gamers. When do you find time to build and paint after playing with the kid from getting home to when they go to bed then trying to spend a little time with your significant other each evening?

tl;dr - Just got married, have a young stepson, wondering when other tabletop gamers in my situation find time to assemble and paint

Thanks

SG

In my experience I only "find" the time if I make it.

I have a 5 year old and a 9 month old and they want all of daddies time that they can get their cute and dirty little hands on.

I find that scheduling a tournament really helps me set some deadlines. Knowing I have a tournament coming up on the 11th really forces me to take the weekend before and the nights leading up to it to get all my WYSIWYG together and get as much painting done as possible.

Binging all of my games in one day allows me to get a months worth of games done in one day and being around other adults who enjoy the hobby is a great mental release.

I usually slow down my work schedule that week leading up and ramp up my around the house duties (check off that honey do list is a great way of "earning" game time. Not that I am earning that time with my wife but with myself). I'll even go as far as taking a day or two off and lock myself in the office and get as much done as I can.

Evenings don't really work for me because before the kids go down (7-8:30) I love to spend that time with them and then after the kids go down it's nice to relax with my wife for an hour or so before she goes to bed (she gets up at 5:30 so is usually in bed before 10). I feel guilty locking myself in my office for an hour or two to get painting done with I could be spending that time with my family so most weekends I'm with them.

But at the end of the day we all need some alone time or at least "me" time. Making that space to continue to do the things you enjoy is really important in a relationship. Having such a young child (9 mo) in my experience eats into that a lot but once they get old enough to stop actively trying to kill themselves every couple of minutes evening hobby/reading time is a great family activity.

TL;DR: Don't find the time, make the time. It will be less but maintaining "me" time is important to everyone in a relationship.

bananathug wrote:
In my experience I only "find" the time if I make it.

I have a 5 year old and a 9 month old and they want all of daddies time that they can get their cute and dirty little hands on.

I find that scheduling a tournament really helps me set some deadlines. Knowing I have a tournament coming up on the 11th really forces me to take the weekend before and the nights leading up to it to get all my WYSIWYG together and get as much painting done as possible.

Binging all of my games in one day allows me to get a months worth of games done in one day and being around other adults who enjoy the hobby is a great mental release.

I usually slow down my work schedule that week leading up and ramp up my around the house duties (check off that honey do list is a great way of "earning" game time. Not that I am earning that time with my wife but with myself). I'll even go as far as taking a day or two off and lock myself in the office and get as much done as I can.

Evenings don't really work for me because before the kids go down (7-8:30) I love to spend that time with them and then after the kids go down it's nice to relax with my wife for an hour or so before she goes to bed (she gets up at 5:30 so is usually in bed before 10). I feel guilty locking myself in my office for an hour or two to get painting done with I could be spending that time with my family so most weekends I'm with them.

But at the end of the day we all need some alone time or at least "me" time. Making that space to continue to do the things you enjoy is really important in a relationship. Having such a young child (9 mo) in my experience eats into that a lot but once they get old enough to stop actively trying to kill themselves every couple of minutes evening hobby/reading time is a great family activity.

TL;DR: Don't find the time, make the time. It will be less but maintaining "me" time is important to everyone in a relationship.

You and I are a lot alike. When the kid goes to bed (2 year old), my wife works on a few things she likes to get done before going to bed, and then goes to bed. Granted, right now, things are a little different as she's just started being a stay at home mom. She absolutely loves it but is also absolutely exhausted by the time I get home from work, and I can understand why. I am not in any way upset about that. But, it does restrict the time we do have to spend together. Thankfully, if she's doing something in the kitchen, living room, or dining room, there are places I can work on assembling and painting and still essentially be in the same room as she is. And, that works for both of us.

As far as lightening my workload at work... not really up to me. It all really depends on what's going on at work at that time. Also, can't really take a couple of days off to model and paint as I only have so much vacation time each year (and this year, I used two weeks of it for the wedding and honeymoon... well worth it, don't get me wrong).

On the plus side, my wife is a wonderful woman. Since she stays at home with our son, she does not mind making breakfast for me in the morning or dinner in the evening. So, that does give me more time in the evenings. She's also an incredibly capable woman... strong with a great imagination. So, if she wants to make some kind of home improvement/change, she can usually take care of it by herself. If she does ask for help, I'm more than happy to help. But, I don't really have a honey do list.

My night is a lot like yours as well. I will probably need to work on models at night, however, because she's already gone to bed (and usually to sleep) before I am truly tired. That said, I get home, play with my stepson, help put him to bed, spend about a half hour to an hour with my wife, then she's off to bed. I'm usually not too far behind (about a 45 minute commute each way to work). Maybe if I can get myself ready for bed when she goes to bed, I can spend 30 minutes working on assembling and painting, then make my way into the bedroom and drift off to dreamland (as she's usually already there).

Any other suggestions would be nice. And, you're right... a deadline would be a good idea. The only downside is that my local GW (where I play for the most part) doesn't have a big crowd of Skirmish gamers. On a Saturday, you *may* get a game or two in of AoS or 40K, but that's really it. It's not super full over the weekend, and people who are there are usually (but not always) hobbying versus playing.

SG

I recently welcomed my fourth and fifth child. At this point, playing simply isn't an option, and hobbying is a 'once in a blue moon' kinda thing, unless i involve the older children (and thats usually more headache than its worth lol). I had an office for everything, but even that has been given over to the kids. Not sure what im gonna do with all my stuff at this point, but i fear the attic or garage might be the only options left.

I found I had to put it on hold for a while. My boys are now 7 and almost 9. I find that if they’re in bed by 8:30 - 9:00, I’ve got a bit of time and energy, I might paint for an hour or two.

My experience was that once the youngest was around 3 or 4, things started getting back to “normal” where you aren’t changing diapers all the time, feeding, washing... forcing life into another entity.

It gets less exhausting as you go. You aren’t going to be where you’re at for the rest of your life, no matter how difficult it may be to believe.

I've got a 6 and 2 year old, both boys. We park the car out in front of the house, and have converted the garage to a storage, play and hobby room. Daddy's workbench (exclusively for painting, daddy doesn't do much other "work" there!) is surrounded by unbuilt boxes and models, but I do get a fair bit of painting done after they all go to sleep. But I rarely play. I'm only getting in my second game of 8th edition tomorrow night - but the armies are fully painted!

Wow... I don't know why I read the thread title as I did but... I opened this like "WTF!"

At 6, my son & I bought the starter set (Space Marines and Dark Eldar).

For some years now he's been the better faster painter. I BELIEVE I'm the better gamer. 21 years in, he may have his own opinion.

Well, for perspective, I have a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old. Was driving home thinking of finally getting a couple of Gaslands cars finished.

As I pull in I can hear my son scream-crying through the closed car window and across the entire back yard. As of typing this I just got done fighting with two screaming insane kids for the last 3 and a half hours alongside my wife. Horray, they are finally in bed. And I am so exhausted I'll be lucky to get a single show watched on Netflix before bed, unless I fall asleep during it like last night's attempt, lol.

Before kids=hundreds and hundreds of minis painted over 15-18 years. In the last 3 and a half years of kids? Probably less than 30?

You scrape out what time you can, accept that it won't be what it was before, and remind yourself that it will not always be the way it is now. It is said they grow up quick. It is true. Very soon I feel I may let my own kids take a crack at painting some models. I will have gone from having to keep them out of the paints to encouraging them to use them.

If your wife likes to do anything like knitting, or even watch TV, you can paint while she does that and you guys talk, after the kids are asleep. That's about it.

I've just got a little guy atm (15 month old)and he still sleeps enough that the wife and I can eke out hobby time with some regularity. I still play at the local store almost every week. No promises going forward, but we definitely don't want to lose time for ourselves. We'll see.

I am married and i have two kids (8 and 10).

I find that my hobby time is more focused these days and despite starting multiple projects each year i now manage to finish some of them, i just finished a terrain project where the post stamp on the parcels where 11 years ago!

My hobby has always been in the background when the kids grew up and the kids have been mostly free to play with most of my stuff. It also helps to have some extra space in the same room where you paint so the kids can be with you in a relaxed manner, maybe drawing or playing.

Try to set aside some time for games with your friends too, maybe just once or twice per month but with a regular schedule.

Both parents need a bit of time for themselves so alternating taking the kids for a trip or visiting relatives to let the other parent be alone for awhile works wonders for both of you.

I'm married with a 3 year old and an 8 year old. I get to paint a couple of evenings a week, with gaming evenings once every couple of months.

I've been married just over a year and we're expecting our first child in February. I'm desperately trying to fit as much hobby time in now as I can as I understand it will evaporate once the little one arrives.

I reckon I'll be able to play games once every 2 weeks or so but I think I'll struggle to find time to paint.

I have two kids (3.5 and 1.5 years old). Hobby time is mostly limited to evenings and nights when the kids are asleep (8pm). So that's about 3-4 hours before I go to bed. My wife plays PC games or watches Netflix while I build and paint, so we're still together and in the same room.
With the older kid sleeping trough the whole night since she's 2, and the younger still strictly focused on breastfeeding when he wakes up in the night, I can also go out and play games every weekend, or, having a hobby room in the cellar, invite people over.
Only the first few months after birth were severely limited when you have to change diapers all the time.

Time for hobby? Well, no.
My boy is 20 months now and needs all the time when he is awake. That is, what kids do. He is very interested in the funny little people in the cabinets, he likes especially my Warhound Titan (no wonder, the most expensive piece to break ).

Beside the child i have a very exhausting job. I work in a high technology branch with a lot of responsibility. Sometimes i have to do so much overtime, wife and child are sleeping when o leave home and already sleeping again when i come back. My live is sleep eat work repeat.

After work i play with my boy and after i put him to bed, there are the everyday choires to do. Sorting bills, doing laundry and stuff. When everything is done, it is already 11 pm and i am usually too tired to do anything hobbyrelated. I am currently painting a goddamn Primaris Intercessor for 5 weeks (1 model!). I do one move with the brush and then all motivation and power leaves me.

And gaming...i am member of a gaming club. I don't know why am i paying the monthly fee since i was in the last 20 months there for 1 game, this year i was there not even once. I come tp gaming maybe 2 games a year when extrapolating.

I have a big collection and the hobby was the only thing what helps me to be sane when i was hit by depression. But i am considering to sell all of my stuff because it depresses me to see the models and know, looking at them is the only thing i can to with them in the future.

Sorry, bad english, my phone has german autocorrect.

I mostly just hope to god theat I can get either of my two interested in gaming with me in about 5-6 years.

 Lord_Valorion wrote:
And gaming...i am member of a gaming club. I don't know why am i paying the monthly fee since i was in the last 20 months there for 1 game, this year i was there not even once. I come tp gaming maybe 2 games a year when extrapolating.

I'm curious. Why would a gaming club charge a monthly fee?

Thanks

SG

Most will charge a fee for each session to cover venue hire, but I wouldn't have thought you'd pay that if you weren't there.

Others (including mine) also charge an annual membership fee on top of that to give additional income for scenery, drinks and snacks, events, etc. Perhaps Lord_Valorion's club does something similar but broken down to a monthly rather than annual payment?

The time does come back around. When your kid/s get a little older, they don't require as much direct time. They can entertain themselves, go outside and bike for an hour, that sort of thing.

My experience is that it gets easier as you go.

I raised one from a baby into adulthood and found time to paint and play the entire time.

My son will turn three next week.

It is possible to paint (the kid has to sleep some time) but inevitably there will be less hobby time. You need to decide on your priorities. Obviously your wife, son, home and then job will come first. After that you could look at what else you spend your time doing. Do you play computer games? Watch TV? Surf the net? Is that time you could spend painting? Long sessions might be out, but could you spare 20 minutes a day? It all adds up.

As for gaming... the first year my son was as born I think I played four games? They were grand sweeping affairs but four Saturdays a year was the amount of time I could spare for gaming, so that was it. His year I have been playing Blood Bowl which is nice because I can get a quick game in occasionally after my boy goes down.

As you note, your life has changed now. There will never be the free time there was before (not for 20 odd years at least). But it’s totally worth it.

 ServiceGames wrote:

 Lord_Valorion wrote:
And gaming...i am member of a gaming club. I don't know why am i paying the monthly fee since i was in the last 20 months there for 1 game, this year i was there not even once. I come tp gaming maybe 2 games a year when extrapolating.

I'm curious. Why would a gaming club charge a monthly fee?

Thanks

SG

Every member pays 10 € per month, it is used for the rent of the room. It is a room in a so called "Vereinshaus" which houses a lot of clubs like chess or poker clubs. We also buy terrain from the money.

My daughter just turned 4 and it can definitely be a struggle to find time for myself. She's the priority and a lot of things play second fiddle. That said, my wife and I make it a priority to let the other get out and see friends, which I often use to get in a weekly game.

In terms of hobby... well, I've always been a bit of a night owl though I've definitely pushed that too far in the last few years to finish something after she goes to sleep. We do paint together some nights, though right now that tends to turn into me keeping the mess under control more than getting anything done.

Still, hobby time is limited, so I find ways to make the most of it. I got a lot more interested in smaller skirmish games for one, but even then, I've massively cut back on faction hopping in general. That lets me focus on getting "done" so that I can focus on new things that excite me rather than feeling like I have to keep at the pile of shame (which sadly, is still a pretty shameful pile). I'd also recommend having a way to quickly set up and tear down your project space. I have a little portable Ikea desk that has my lamp, the current models I'm painting and the paints for them. It stands in a closet and I just have to pull it out, sit down and paint and put it away in the hour or less I get to work on things.

Really it just comes down to finding your new limits and making the most of the time you get. Set priorities and use that disappointment from feeling like you can't get time to work on something into willpower to remind yourself that you probably don't NEED that new shiny thing that you won't get time to paint for months anyway. Find what you have time for and make the most of it. And make the most of the time with your kids; its not time you can get later.

My kids are older teenagers now, but toy soldiers was the hobby I kept up to keep me sane when the kids were little. It was portable - I could paint on the kitchen table, or on a desk anywhere, and I could take it up or put it down at a moment's notice. This compared to my other hobby - living history re-enactment - which was much more consuming of time, space and resources.

To be honest, it took a mindset change to be happy. The realisation that the hobby existed for my benefit, rather than me running around to the dictates of my hobby. So I did what I could in whatever time was available when I felt like I wanted to do it. Rather than having multiple projects underway with timetables and deadlines nagging away at me, I just enjoyed dipping in and out, plugging away at one or two projects as the muse took me. Also, my time for gaming with mates had to be really carefully thought through - fortunately we had space at home, so having mates over to game was possible, and that was much more kid-friendly than going out to tournaments or a store or club.

The adjustment took time, and conscious effort, but it was worthwhile. It helps to be honest with your wife and to be prepared to be flexible. It also helps if your wife has a hobby she wants to keep up too so understands why you may want to do craft type stuff rather than sit and watch junk TV as your means of relaxation!

In the end though, one of the great things about having kids as a gamer is that at some point in their development they will really enjoy the idea of "playing with daddy's toys". And gaming with your kids is a wonderful thing, something I would never have missed in a million years! Be prepared for that moment, don't rush it, and let the kid take the lead, and you are set for some fantastic moments later on down the line!

Father of a 2.5-year-old here. I guess the first priority is to drop any sort of deadlines or expectations that you get a certain amount of stuff done by a set date. That is just going to burn you out. You do your hobby stuff if and when you have the time and just enjoy what you accomplish and stop worrying about what you should have accomplished by now if you only had the time.

Our son goes to bed at 20.00 at the latest, so that leaves about 2 hours of hobby time every night if I want, and also his nap times on weekends. Just have your stuff readily available and you can always paint a little even in just 10 minutes. Whenever your child is watching cartoons or whatever you can sneak out and paint a single color on a model etc. It's not great progress but it's progress. I guess once he gets older he starts going out to play with friends etc and it gets easier to fit in some quality time with the plastic dudesmen. But yeah, it's a situation where you start caring less and less about the cost of your hobby purchases and start worrying more and more about when you're gonna have the time to finish it all. If you ever get to finish any of it for that matter.

So keep healthy and realistic expectations about what you can accomplish and try to sneak in brief moments of hobbying here and there whenever you might get a chance.

Put em to work!

My boys are 3 & 1, with a terrible sleeping schedule, so my hobby time has been scaled right back (I had a significant clear out to free up space too).

I've still got armies and game/attend events once in a blue moon.
I'm currently getting my hobby fix from Gundam/Bandai models since I like building stuff and they allow an easy pick-up/drop hobby experience (no paint to dry or brushes to clean, rugged enough to dump in a box and close).

At some point (in another few years) I'll get some hobby time back, and ideally, the boys will join in and give me (a) some opponents and (b) an excuse to go nuts with hobby stuff

And I have to admit, I'm not missing the hobby as much as I thought, because I genuinely enjoy being a dad.

 Lord_Valorion wrote:
Every member pays 10 € per month, it is used for the rent of the room. It is a room in a so called "Vereinshaus" which houses a lot of clubs like chess or poker clubs. We also buy terrain from the money.

Gotcha! Thank you for the explanation. That makes sense.

SG


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Herzlos wrote:
I'm currently getting my hobby fix from Gundam/Bandai models since I like building stuff and they allow an easy pick-up/drop hobby experience (no paint to dry or brushes to clean, rugged enough to dump in a box and close).

And I have to admit, I'm not missing the hobby as much as I thought, because I genuinely enjoy being a dad.

I actually switched over to just building Gundam models for a few months when I got burned out on Warhammer and got into the Anime (especially Gundam 00). It is a great hobby, and I do have a few more HG and one more RG model to build. I like Bandai's new Star Wars models as well. Pretty impressive that even the 1/144 Star Wars models come with water transfers. Definitely a cheaper hobby as well. That said, I think GW models are completely worth the money they charge. I have yet to see another company that makes models on the detail level of GW and provides water transfers with every single kit.

For me, it's about seeing stories come to life. I don't play narrative games, but I can listen to a Warhammer Audiobook and know, "I can have those models and run them in an army just like in the book." So, I get pulled back into Warhammer very easily.

Also, it's a bit of a different story for me. I am not trying to make any excuses but maybe offer up some reasons why I made this thread. I have a wonderful wife, and I love my stepson. And, even while I was a part of his life while my wife and I were dating and engaged, I've only really been in the "father" role for a little less than a month. I'm still getting used to a lot.

SG