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Made in de
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun





"The Inquisition suspects Heretek activity and thus demands a search of this facility!" Spoke the young Inquisitor. Sweat began to cover her face, as the Dark corridors were lit up by countless Servoskulls activating along constant buzzing, while focusing their lenses on the humanoid form. "Fear not little children, let us welcome our guest. She will not be disappointed." Archmagos Luminus reveals himself at the end of the corridor, a gigantic serpentine mass of bronze and silver metallics, covered by black robes that had a red finish to pay respects to the martian motherworld. Archmagos Luminus opened the vaults, showcasing his newest playtoy. "B-But that is heresy!" the Inquisitor shouted, as she glared at the gigantic constalation of mixed xeno and imperial parts." The Archmagos serpentine body turned around slowly, lowering his head and body to be on the same height as the insuisitor. "Indeed, ... it is." Spoke the Archmagos, as he simulatously uttered lighning fast binaric coding as masses of servoskulls began to move and prepare the machinery. She darent say a single word. Leaving the facility in a fast pace, never forgetting the countless gazes that followed her until the exit. "My elders were right, I shouldnt have come here.."
   
Made in gb
Liberated Grot Land Raida






Northern Ireland

Nice little bit of flash fiction. It could use a little space. A paragraph break here and there for the ease of the reader. It might help you emphasise a couple of beats along the way a little too.

It'd be nice to have some more description of the machine at the centre of the scene. Even if the inquisitor has little or no idea what the machine actually does, what she sees and her impression of its purpose might be a great addition to a fun scene.

Thanks for posting.

   
Made in de
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun





 theCrowe wrote:
Nice little bit of flash fiction. It could use a little space. A paragraph break here and there for the ease of the reader. It might help you emphasise a couple of beats along the way a little too.

It'd be nice to have some more description of the machine at the centre of the scene. Even if the inquisitor has little or no idea what the machine actually does, what she sees and her impression of its purpose might be a great addition to a fun scene.

Thanks for posting.


Thank I will try to do so next time.
Mainly wanted to focus on the mysterious and unknown part of the cult in the view of the young inquisitor.
   
 
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