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Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






How do!

Because there is a time and a place for crap jokes. And this is it.

I’ll kick off.

What do Linda McCartney, Paul McCartney, Denny Seiwell, Denny Lane and Incom’s T-65B star fighter have in common?

They’re all X-Wings,

   
Made in gb
[DCM]
Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot





Leicester, UK

Terrible. Well done.

Why did the baker wash his hands before he went to the toilet? He kneaded a poo.

My painting and modeling blog:

PaddyMick's Chopshop: Converted 40K Vehicles

 
   
Made in gb
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot





Northumberland

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# Olthannon's Oscillating Orchard of Opportunity #

 
   
Made in gb
Leader of the Sept







What is the scariest thing in the jungle?

Bam-BOO!

Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!

Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 
   
Made in us
Skink Chief with Poisoned Javelins




Michigan

Why was the egg silly?

Because it was always cracking yolks!
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny
   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut



London

There are many variation of this joke. They extend the torture or not.

Rather than type it...
http://www.swil.org/JoelPage/purplejoke.html

Otherwise how do elephants hide in cherry trees?
Paint their toenails red.

How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries.
   
Made in gb
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller





Watch Fortress Excalibris

Why do the French consider it greedy to eat more than one egg at a time?

Because one egg is always un oeuf.

A little bit of righteous anger now and then is good, actually. Don't trust a person who never gets angry. 
   
Made in gb
Storm Trooper with Maglight





Why did the mushroom have lots of friends?

Cos he was a fun guy.
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Why did the weirdo cross the road?

They couldn’t get their knob out the chicken.

   
Made in gb
Leader of the Sept







Wow… that escalated quickly!

Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!

Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Myrtle Creek, OR

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.
Inside a dog it’s too dark to read

Thread Slayer 
   
Made in jp
Regular Dakkanaut






What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

“Aye, matey!”
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka





El Torro wrote:
Why did the mushroom have lots of friends?

Cos he was a fun guy.


That joke was in spore taste...

CHAOS! PANIC! DISORDER!
My job here is done. 
   
Made in us
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain






A Protoss colony world

Why are children usually not allowed to go see pirate movies?
Because they are rated Arrr!

What happens when ducks fly upside down?
They quack up.

I once met a dyslexic devil-worshipper. He sold his soul to Santa.

If you're a person, time flies when you're having fun. If you're a frog, time's fun when you're having flies.

My armies (re-counted and updated on 11/1/23, including modeled wargear options):
Dark Angels: ~15000 Astra Militarum: ~1200 | Adeptus Custodes: ~1900 | Imperial Knights: ~2000 | Sisters of Battle: ~3500 | Leagues of Votann: ~1200 | Tyranids: ~2600 | Stormcast Eternals: ~5000
Check out my P&M Blogs: ZergSmasher's P&M Blog | Imperial Knights blog | Board Games blog | Total models painted in 2023: 40 | Total models painted in 2024: 7 | Current main painting project: Dark Angels
 Mr_Rose wrote:
Who doesn’t love crazy mutant squawk-puppies? Eh? Nobody, that’s who.
 
   
Made in gb
Mad Gyrocopter Pilot





Northumberland

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education, because they were both druids.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Painting Log of various minis:
# Olthannon's Oscillating Orchard of Opportunity #

 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






What’s brown and sticky?

A stick insect.

   
Made in gb
Leader of the Sept







What do you call a squiggly beast in a pile of leaves? Russel

Why did the troll swim upside down? I think it was so he didn’t stand on the fish.

What’s the difference between jumping on a squiggly beast and jumping on a trampoline? You need to take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Why is the letter t very important to the Sticky Monster? Without it he is the sicky monster.

also I love the Druid gag

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/02/01 20:06:18


Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!

Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Massive props for everyone getting into the spirit and showing only the barest modicum, if, in a dark room, and you have a proper squint, and you’ve forgotten your corrective lenses of any description, good humour!

   
Made in gb
Legendary Dogfighter





England

Argentina’s a lot colder than most people think. In fact you could say it’s bordering on Chile.

it's the quiet ones you have to look out for. Their the ones that change the world, the loud ones just take the credit for it. 
   
Made in gb
[DCM]
Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot





Leicester, UK

Olthanan funniest so far imo

Doc that dick chicken joke is from Predator iirc

Ensis this one's for you

There's only ten types of people in this world; those who understand binary code and those that don't

My painting and modeling blog:

PaddyMick's Chopshop: Converted 40K Vehicles

 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut





 PaddyMick wrote:


Ensis this one's for you

There's only ten types of people in this world; those who understand binary code and those that don't



Heh. . . funnily enough, I went to a follow-on school for my Occupational Specialty (aka, my job) in the army where our class had course shirts made with that quote on it

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/02/02 02:22:17


 
   
Made in us
Humorless Arbite





Maine

For those that doubt elephants hide in cherry trees I have one question. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No? It works.

Do you know why elephants have flat feet? From jumping out of cherry trees.

What's the crud between elephants called?

Slow people.

Voxed from Salamander 84-24020
 
   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN (Currently in WY)

This thread needs the Black-and-White Space Marine on the Black-and-White Bike.

Support Blood and Spectacles Publishing:
https://www.patreon.com/Bloodandspectaclespublishing 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Can’t they just re-read your post ad infinitum?

   
Made in us
Stabbin' Skarboy





How did the mongols conquer their empire?

One Steppe at a time.

"Us Blood Axes hav lernt' a lot from da humies. How best ta kill 'em, fer example."
— Korporal Snagbrat of the Dreadblade Kommandos 
   
Made in us
Ork Boy Hangin' off a Trukk





Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?

The cow has the udder.
   
Made in us
The Conquerer






Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios

Why was the possum laying flat in the middle of the road?

He got tire-d!

Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines

Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.

MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! 
   
Made in gb
Automated Rubric Marine of Tzeentch




dorset

"whats a pirates favourite letter?"

"R!"

"nay, 'tis the C they love!"

must be said with a strong west country/"pirate" accent

To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.

Coven of XVth 2000pts
The Blades of Ruin 2,000pts Watch Company Rho 1650pts
 
   
Made in pl
Wicked Warp Spider





Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
   
 
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