Chet - We're here at the Arena of Deth-

Nina- Actually Chet, it's now Preparation H Arena since we got the new sponsor.

Chet - Oh right, we're here at Preparation H Arena

http://www.rxcarecanada.com/drugimages/Preparation%20H%20Suppositories.jpg

for the Ultimate Villain Showdown!

(cut to crowd)

Nina - As you know the vilest villains from across the multiverse have gathered to settle scores and determine once and for all who is the badest.

Chet - Here comes the first one now!

http://www.amazingben.com/cobracommander.jpg

And a few thousand buddies

http://www.violentfix.com/cobra/vipercorps/viperlink.jpg

The big snake himself, Cobra Commander!  (and a few thousand buddies!)

Nina - What's that, something's happening with CC's holster, the gun is flying out of it and transforming into...

Chet - MEGATRON!

Nina - What an entrance!  If Cobra Commander had a visible face I bet he'd be shocked!

Chet - And now- 

BOOM!

Chet - OMG! WTF!

Nina - That's just how Darkseid the lord of Apokalypse likes to make an entrance.

Chet - Bam! That just turned the dial up to 11!

Nina - You're mixing pop culture references again.

Chet - Opps.  (sips hip flask) Well next up, wow, the Egyptian God of light himself, HORUS!  What's he doing with these villains?  And why is he wearing so many skulls?

Nina - Actually according to this he's from the Warhammer 40k Universe, whatever that is.

Chet - Must be some Japanese video game or something.  Well next we have the wonder from down under, Eric of Melborne!

Nina - Geeze Chat did you even read your f'ing notes before we went on air, it's Elric of Melnibone for love of moses...

Chet - Right, him, that's who I meant.  Well next from the James Bond universe we have... Q!

Nina - (yelling curses at an off-camera producer, see the camera on her and smiles) Actually Chet if you actually read your notes you'd see he's from the Star Trek universe.   But that would require you actually being sober before noon.

Chet - (drinking again from hip flask, see camera, waves away with a muttered oath)

Nina - Um, moving right along, we have Sauron!

I wonder if being a big flaming eyeball will handicap his performance in this match?

Chet - Yeah whatever.

Nina - And if you like fire, this bad boy can give all you want, Surtor!  Norse king of the fire giants!

Chet - Looksh like a big pushy to me...

Nina - Of course the only thing that outranks a king is an Emperor, or THE emperor, Emperor Palpatine!

Nina - and next is someone who might even scare the Emperor, Archaon, Lord of the End Times.  Also from the Warhammer universe?

Chet - What is this Warhammer @#$% anyway?  And WTF is up with his horse, like how does he even ride that thing without spearing his willy?

Nina - (Shrugs)  And finally some grrl power here with Lolth, demon queen of spiders making the scene!

Chet - WTF, another guy in a chair, WTF??!?!

Nina - Finally, the Doctor is in the house!  Dr. Doom!  Monarch of Latvaria!

Nina - Now the players are on the field and ready for battle! 

Chet - What I don't get is how come Cobra Commander get's a whole friggin army behind him and everyone else is on their own.

Nina - Probably because CC is a big whinny wimp.  I mean he's going to be the first to die anyway so who care how many vipers you give him?

Chet - I guess.

Darrian

Nina - and now for the Arena of Preparation H Ford Taurus Half Time Show featuring the world famous Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders!

Chet - Damn!

Nina - we'll also be interviewing some of the eliminated contestants.

Chet - huh?  But I was gonna go down and watch them cheerleaders.

Nina - Sorry Chet, we're on camera now.  Besides you can always catch them for a locker room interview afterwards.

 Now for on of the first to go, Surtor king of the fire Giants.

Surtor - Your world will perish in fire!

Nina - It's a pleasure to have you on the show.  So Mr. Surtor, did the game go as you expected? 

Surtor - I have battled the hated Asgardians on their rainbow bridge but even the hammer of Thor was nothing compared to the fury of the fusion cannon of Megatron.  And further more-

Chet - yeah thanks big guy *cough*LOSER*cough*  Next we have Archaon, Lord of the End Times.  Guess the end times aren't here yet seeing as you were the lord of getting your butt kicked huh?

Archaon - I-

Chet - Moving along we have the nigh-omnipotent Q.  Guess you weren't quite omnipotent enough huh?

Q - Actually everything has proceeded exactly as I forsaw.

Chet - Ain't that what you villain guys always say rather than admit you got your butt handed to you?

Q - Well maybe some other villains do but I really mean it.

Chet - Course you do.

Nina - And now the man who inspired Snakes on a Plane, Cobra Commander!

Cobra Commander - I would have won but for the trechery of Destro and Serpantor and Zartan and the Baroness and Dr. Mindbender and wasshisname, that guy who dressed like a bird, I mean WTF?

Chet - Sounds like you have some labor relation problems to work out.

Nina - Not too surprisingly the only woman in this event was eliminated, Lolth what are your feelings?

Lolth - I blame racism and sexism.  Not only was I the sole woman, but also the only person of color.

Chet - WTF yo?  That Surtor guy's red.

Lolth -  But does anyone call him a dark giant?  I don't think so.  For too long my people, the Drow ahve been identified by their skin color, called Dark Elfs and I intend to show the world the racism we have to endure.

Chet - Right, whatever.  Last in the parade of losers, we have Sauraman.

Sauron - Sauron.

Chet - Right, whatever.  So Mr. Santa, did being nothing but a flaming eyeball hurt your chances for victory?

Sauron - No, for the evil of Sauron is eternal.  All has proceeded exactly as I-

Chet -  Right, just like you saw it coming.  Sure it did. 

Nina - And now back to the show!

I would not characterize Elric as a villain - antihero maybe - but not a villain.