daedalus wrote:I was five seconds away from "Pics or GTFO", but amusing story nevertheless, if only for the fact that I've my own late night emergency room run and I understand the horror/absurdity/pain of it all.

It was about the time you hit 'fix the roof of your mouth with superglue', that I was thinking "Surely not. Who would DO that?"

Howard A Treesong wrote:

Isn't superglue related to the chemicals they use to seal up some wounds? Anyway, I know someone who glued their mouth shut after getting a load of glue in there because they tried to pull the lid off with their mouth.

And when I say "someone", it definitely wasn't me, I would be more afraid of getting it in my eyes.

KingCracker wrote:PMSL?
Please Make Super Lasers?
Pat My Sisters Leg?
Post Modern Stress......L word?

KingCracker wrote:So my wife brings me home a bag of Krunchers Seasalt and pepper corn chips. Easily my fav bag of chhips. So while in extreme bliss of eating these chips, suddenly I feel this incredibly sharp pain zapping through the whole of my mouth. I spit out the chips, and blood everywhere. Some how, while chomping down on these little lovelies, one decided NO MORE!!!! TONIGHT, WE MADE A STAND!!!!!!!! literally. it stood up, and I clamped down, and it stapped right through the roof of my mouth.

Now, not only did it hurt like hell because I just had a potato chip go through my mouth, but it also has pepper and salt on it.................so naturally that was up in there as well. Son of a BITCH that hurt. So while cleaning it out, and whining like a baby about it, I decided to get the super glue out to fix the hole. Not thinking that its probably a bad idea, and somehow glued my finger (Yes, I put glue on my finger tip to apply, I wasnt going to put the TUBE in my mouth!) to the roof of my mouth. To make things worse, I was half naked and when I tried pulling my finger out, it was making the potato chip whole bigger, and thus bleed more.

So I had to drive to the hospital half naked, and with one arm. the wife couldnt drive for me, as its a school night and the kids were already asleep. So a couple minutes out, Im drooling like a fool, because I cant actually close my mouth with my finger glued in there. So I arrive at the emergency room, with no shirt on, in my boxers and now looking like I peed myself because the drool just WOULDNT stop! Oh and my finger glued to the inside of my mouth. So laughing, the nurses help me to a room. The doctors were all laughing as I tried to explain what happened, but they had a hard time understanding me with my finger in my mouth.

So after some time, and a beach towel later the doctors come in with some liquid...STUFF to desolve the glue, so I could take my hand away from my mouth, but also so they could fix the hole in my mouth as well. Problem was, it tasted AWFUL!!!!!!!! Im talking, like hairspray mixed with animal piss. Now let me ask you, folks of DAKKA, have you ever vomited with your hand stuck to your face?? Well now I can say, I have. It was terrible. It was everywhere, and worse yet, I couldnt really clean it up to well, as of course, the genius that is me, used my dominant hand to glue my mouth to my hand, and so trying to clean up with Mr lefty, Mr righty's mentally handicapped out of shape brother, just wasnt working.

Of course, it worked, the doctors stiched me up, and were even nice enough to give me a FREE hospital gown to wear home. But they had to tell me though tears and laughter. All in all it was a good night. And hopefully by now, youll realize that was mostly a BS story I felt like writing up. Like most movies based on true stories in Hollywood, only 5% of it was true. I ate those awesome chips last night, and one of those bastards stood up and cut the hell out of my mouth. It did hurt, and to make him pay fir it, I did the fat guy thing, and ate a few of his friends as well. So share your crazy stories of food attacks, or just laugh at the fact, you almost believed what ol KC said....er typed. Either way, good morning DAKKA

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:I'm going to exalt this before it dies. That post was what the internet is made of.

The worst I have is that I've woken up at night wanting a snack and accidentally poured tabasco on my junk as I completely missed my burrito. It's not so bad til it drips down the contours of your body.