Based on a forum post by MagickalMemories

This is a way to not get in trouble when the droning noise in the background (while you paint the silver pants blue) happens to be your wife.

How many times have you had a conversation with someone while another part of your brain was doing something else (reading a magazine, watching a movie or TV show... whatever). For most men, this is a regular thing. THAT is the skill you need to call on in this instance, only to a lesser degree.

Situation:

You are painting your silver pants blue, when your "Pretty and Intensely Thoughtful Ally" (i.e. Wife, from here on referred to as PITA) wants to "talk."

GAH!

You have about a hundred silver pants to paint blue, and the PITA wants you to stop and listen to her.

Whatever shall you do? You shall listen.

Occasionally, you will find it valuable to ask her to wait "two minutes" while you finish something that requires "a lot of focus" because you "don't want to accidentally ignore her." Use that no more than once a week.

At this point, you need to flex the dual nature of the male brain. Ninety percent (90%) of your attention can remain on the silver pants while the other ten percent (10%) "listens" to the PITA. You need that part of you to listen, not only so that you can grunt, but so that you know when to throw in the following phrases at the appropriate times:

• "You're kidding?"
• "Really?"
• "And then what happened" (The word happened can be replaced here with "did you do" or "did you say" or "did she say," etc. You get the idea)
• "That bitch!"
• "Uh huh."
• "Well, that sucks."
• "Awesome."
• "Crap. Hold on a sec. I just missed something. Let me do this for JUST a sec..." followed momentarily by, "Okay. Go ahead." (THIS is a very powerful tool, as it lends reality to your "listening." It is not to be used too often, lest is become shallow and see-through. No more than once per conversation is my suggestion).

Really, there are numerous sayings you can insert here. The key is to "Go beyond the grunt!"

Some PITA's, should they realize you're not actually contributing anything, but enabling their yammering with your encouragement might throw out the old line, "You aren't even listening to me. Are you?" (or something similar). Ah, HA!!!!! This is where she thinks she has you... but it's where our ultimate plan comes to fruition. See, you've been paying attention. Not much. Only the obligatory 10%. It's not enough to rehash her entire monologue of eye-gouging goodness, but it's enough to spout, VERBATIM, the last little bit she's said. Personally, I find it MOST valuable to only give her the last 5 or 6 words she's said. That might placate your PITA. She still might be an unbeliever.

Now, for the death blow. Repeat back to her the last complete sentence or 3 she's said.

If she asks for more, and wants you to go back farther, do it if you can. If that's the limit of your 10% (which, in most cases, it will be), you have to become insulted and (only slightly) indignant. How dare her say you aren't listening when, clearly, you are. You've told her the last 2 minutes of the conversation. What does she want? A run down of everything she's said to you in the alst 3 days? You're hurt that she thinks so little of you. Now, sulk like the momma's boy that all PITA's think their husbands are.

Congratulations.

You may now continue painting your silver pants blue.

Yes, by the way, every step of this theory HAS been tried. I've found it effective on:

• Wife
• Girlfriends
• Daughters
• Mother
• Aunts
• Sisters-in-law (I have no sisters)