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(I didn't write this but it makes me smile, Merry Christmas Dakka!)

The Night Before 986996.M41

by Patrick Marstall (MarstallP@bah.com)


'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station

All there was clear, there was no abomination.


My helmet was set on the desk to my right,

On the chance that I was to need it that night.


The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,

All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.


Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,

Assured me that the bastion never would fall.


When out in the yard there arose such discord

I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.


Away to the window, I ran to take aim

As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day

Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.


When what did my loyalist ocular show,

But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.


The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds

And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.


The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,

Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.


I gestured for other to shoot without pause,

For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.


"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!

Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"


"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!

Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"


But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,

Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!


And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof

The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.


Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,

As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.


I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,

Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.


Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -

Charged into battle with my brave space marines.


As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,

He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.


Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,

As they arced through the air at me and my troops.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,

Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,

They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.


For each box contained a chaotic present -

The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.


A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,

The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.


It moved through the station and left in its wake,

The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.


The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,

For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct

The bastion computer to set self-destruct.


I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,

The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.


I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Ah, the holiday classic. Happy Holidays all.

And the Fantasy version...

Twas the Night Before Christmas (Warhammer version)
Author: Tox, posted by Mannahnin

'Twas the night before Christmas
throughout the Old World,

The armies were camped
and their banners were furled.

The clamor of battle had finally ceased,
All races observing a Christmastime peace.

Each force in its barracks, each fleet in its haven,
No creature was stirring, not even a Skaven.

The dreams of the elf-lords were distant and deep;
The Orcs lay in rows, snoring "waagghhh" in their sleep.

Your humble narrator had blown out the light,
Set the brushes to rinse and turned in for the night,

And, stealing back blankets usurped by my love,
I was just dozing off...when I heard from above

Such a clatter of hooves! Were we under attack?
Our rooftop assaulted by Arkhan the Black?

I dashed to the parlor in nightshirt and cap
And loaded my crossbow in case of a scrap.

But who should pop out of the fireplace flue
Than old Santa himself! With a bulging sack too!

He shook himself off and went under the tree,
To set out some gifts for my lady and me.

He spun round to face me (which gave me a fright)
And said "You two were last on my list for tonight,

"In your world, that is. But I've work yet to do...
"There are other realms out there that need Christmas, too!"

And he pulled out more gifts, moving faster than light:
"I must get these sent out through the kingdoms tonight!

"A hatchet for Morglum that sings as it hews;
"A reinforced hat-rack for Teclis to use;

"A cape for Karl Franz with a griffon-fur trim,
"A mustachio wax kit for Volkmar the Grim,

"A new cloak for Mannfred, all lined in red satin,
"A scabbard for Heinrich with etched words in Latin,

"A chew-toy for Scyla; for Arbaal a book
"(To write down the names of the heroes he's cooked),

"A tankard for Thorgrim, brim-full of good beer....
"And the Witch-King gets coal. For the six thousandth year."

And then, to my shock, he knelt down on the floor
Near a mouse-hole I just hadn't noticed before

And he squeezed in some boxes, all wrapped with great care;
Then Saint Nick hollered out, "Merry Christmas down there!"

"I'm sending down presents for all of your folk-
"A new knife for Sniktch and some mouthwash for Skrolk,

"A wrench set for Ikit, a mirror for Queek
"And a snuffbox for Thanquol...you're welcome! Neek Neek!"

His labors now done, Santa went on his way.
He rose up the chimney and boarded his sleigh.

He snatched up the reins, oh so jolly and spry,
Then he called to his team, and the reindeer Flew High.

But I heard him exclaim as he clove through the blue
"Merry Christmas To All! (hope games workshop won't sue!)"

(and more here
https://www.dakkadakka.com/wiki/en/A_very_Dakka_Christmas