Oh they will! They will also be destroyed and rebuilt from turkey and stuffing over dose! hmmmmm, stuffing........................



OH, I went back and added a little more to the last post.


One more thing, I also edited an older post, Tundra Foxes are in!




And another thing, 300th post! Woot!

258th...... Which is a great number.

The Thunderhawks slid through space at maximum speed, timing was crucial. Ahead of them the navy was already attacking the ork vessel, behind them the Frozen Rage was closing the gap.

The lumbering ork vessel had released its own fighters and was firing back with all of its guns. The Imperial Navy had already engaged and was concentrating their attack on one side of the vessel. Releasing their pay loads in concentrated areas they silenced many of the ork guns, soon the number of firing guns on that side was halved. The ork vessel began to slowly turn to bear other weapons but the Imperial Navy easily out maneuvered it and rolled with it. The ork fighters were many but the entire fury of the Frozen Rage had been released, they stood little chance.

Without any given command the Imperial attack craft began to move around the vessel towards the other side. The ork craft pursued firing violently in their wake. Like clockwork the four Thunderhawks and their escorts arrived with only minimal resistance on the now damaged and empty side. The Thunderhawks landed at predetermined points on the ship and unloaded a different brand of weapon, Ice Angels. Once the marines were away the Thunderhawks and their escorts departed and joined the Imperial Navy in the destruction of the Ork Fighters.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Aquilum smiled in his pink and yellow skull helmet as he watched the Ice Angels at work. Within seconds all 18 marines had departed the Thunderhawk along with a vindicator, the Crystalfist. Moving on a special magnetized track the Vindicator was plowing towards the nearest anti-space craft gun. The marines followed in a semi circle behind it. Inushi and Aquilum were hanging on to the vindicator acting as an extra set of eyes for the crew of the tank.

After a few minutes they skirted around an area of damaged hull and approached their first anti-space craft gun. It was a long double barreled weapon mounted in a very bulky red box. It appeared to have limited turning radius, but what it gave up in movement it made up with rate of fire. It was currently firing at the distant Frozen Rage that was still approaching. Inushi looked up at the menacing black ship. They only had a few more minutes before the Frozen Rage would be in position.

Suddenly the Crystalfist came to a halt and shuddered slightly as four grappler arms, one on each corner, stretched out and further magnetized it to the hull. “Preparing to fire,” was all the gunner said. Inushi and Aquilum pushed off the tank and activated their boots. It seemed that the second the last marine stopped moving and took position the tank fired its first round.

Inushi had seen a vindicator fire more times then he could remember, in his head he could hear the sound that it should be making, but out here in space the only indication he had was the push back he was witnessing and the tremor that he felt through the hull of the ship he was attached too. He peered over to the anti-space craft gun, on land it would have been out of range for a vindicator, but in space the massive siege weapon fired straight at it. At the base of the closest barrel the ordinance hit. It punctured the outer protective hull and then exploded inside. The resulting explosion was spectacular. Various types of metal shot out into space along with a handful of unfortunate orks that suddenly found themselves in the vacuum of space. Inushi watched as several secondary explosions followed suite.

“Come on Mantis, the quicker we can take these out the better.” Bel Hando said. Inushi didn’t realize that after the shot had been fired, the vindicator picked up its support anchors and was ready to move out once again. The marines were already moving towards their next target. Inushi hustled to reach the vindicator that impatiently waited.

“Gamma, something is happening between your position and Beta. Move forwards and report.” Lieutenant Arwia said to them in their vox. The 18 marines and the Crystalfist adjusted their course and began to head that direction. They came over a ridge in the hull of the ork vessel. “By the Blood!” Bel Hando whispered.

Before them was a cavernous shadowed area, but slowly growing out of the darkness was a barrel, a barrel to a weapon that could fire rounds larger then Thunderhawks. Even the might of the Vindicators wouldn’t be able to penetrate the thick black barrel. As the light began to hit the growing barrel an archaic paint job could be seen. “MOrKs NoSe” it said in sloppy orange paint.

“HA!” Aquilum said as he read the words. Several of the Ice Angels looked his way. Bel Hando looked at the barrel once more before looking up at the Imperial Vessel that was now pulling along side of the ork, the Frozen Rage was getting into position. “Rage, this is Gamma, a gigantic weapon is emerging, requesting fire support.”

As the words left his lips a small explosion burst from the under side of the Frozen Rage. Like a snake launching at its prey the seven pointed arrowhead of the lead train shot through space. Behind it was a long cord still attached to the Frozen Rage.

“Gamma, fire support is a few minutes out.” Lieutenant Arwia responded over the vox.

Bel Hando looked down at the still growing barrel. “Rimsin, do you read me.” He spoke.
”Shwando, this is Rimsin.” came a reply.

“Move and disable the weapon immediately.” He quickly responded as he began to move forward. The Crystalfist moved forward and as it reached the lip of the dark cavern it launched its grapplers once again and pulled itself over the edge. The squat barrel of the vindicator then pointed at the base of the barrel and began to fire. Seconds later on the other side the cavern the vindicator with squad Rimsin followed suite. Explosions lit up the base of the black pit and in response the giant weapon, MOrKs NoSe fired. The shockwave shot debris into space, nearly every marine adjusted their stance to stabilize. Bel Hando stood mouth open as he watched the round leave the barrel like a comet towards, not the Frozen Rage, but the umbilical like cord of the Train.

The transport aspect of the Train was an armored building moving down the cord like a rocket and as it flew down the cord Bel Hando saw that the round was on a perfect intercept course. The resulting explosion shook the hearts of all of the marines on ork ship.

“No, by the Emperor NO!” Bel Hando shouted as he looked away. Aquilum, who was still looking down at the base of the huge barrel finally took notice and looked up. “What did I miss?”

Flooded with emotion Bel Hando paused before he noticed that Aquilum didn’t change demeanor. Bel Hando looked up and saw that the armored train that contained the bulk of the Ice Angel force was still chugging down the cord. “The Emperor Protects Bel Hando, we still have a job to do.” In his huge powerfist hand he grabbed one of the back chains that grappled the Crystalfist to the hull. “Crystalfist disengage grapplers and readjust to your 10.” He said into the vox. Bel Hando shook his head trying to piece together what just happened.

The tank didn’t respond. Aquilum looked over to Bel Hando who still stood in confusion as to how the train survived. It took a moment before Bel Hando realized he was looking for assistance. Bel Hando looked over Aquilum’s shoulder to see what he was getting at when he noticed a small glass area in the wall of the cavern across from them, “Crystalfist, do it.”

Without hesitation the tank disengaged the grapplers and turned to its left. From their new position the crew quickly spotted their target and fired. The round passed through the glass but the typical explosion didn’t follow. Bel Hando looked over at Aquilum, he returned the look. He shrugged and began to respond when a hail of gunfire began to pepper them. Across from them the vindicator with Squad Rimsin exploded. Orks were moving up the walls towards them.

btw, this was written while under the influence of turkey gravy, stuffing, and my favorite christmas tune, Carol of the Bells.

i like it, i find it confusing sometimes, it forces me to reread it sometimes.

Very nice Ice.... I note the train survived... that was the influence of the gravy I'm sure.

:-)

Sageheart wrote:i like it, i find it confusing sometimes, it forces me to reread it sometimes.

anything in particular you were confused about or section?

just the way it was written made me need to reread it here and there. It didn't really flow correctly for me. I understood it when I finished it and had some time to reread it.

IceAngel wrote:btw, this was written while under the influence of turkey gravy, stuffing, and my favorite christmas tune, Carol of the Bells.

What version of "Carol of the Bells" do you listen to?

I have a particular version that I like, but seeing as I do not have the CD's with me I am not sure as to its name.

I think you did quite well for a man stuffed with thanksgiving food. It is nice to read a work of science fiction whose author recognizes that space is soundless.

Ma55ter_fett wrote:

IceAngel wrote:btw, this was written while under the influence of turkey gravy, stuffing, and my favorite christmas tune, Carol of the Bells.

What version of "Carol of the Bells" do you listen to?

I have a particular version that I like, but seeing as I do not have the CD's with me I am not sure as to its name.

I think you did quite well for a man stuffed with thanksgiving food. It is nice to read a work of science fiction whose author recognizes that space is soundless.

My current favorite version is by Harry Simeone, but I've got plenty of different versions. The one by Harry Simeone is a very traditional version with some strings and some bells (oddly enough)

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Sorry, I had to balance the christmas cheer with some 40k darkness to once again reach my writing zen. Back to the writing!

The transport section of the train was an octagon shaped building riding down the cable that would soon connect the two space ships. The front came down to a blunt point and the cable passed right down the center of the octagon. Near the rear of this armored building was a small control room. Inside was a lone space marine facing a wall of small pic screens, a bank of switches, and a plethora of flashing lights. Tech Priest Philosir was firmly attached to a throne that was built into a small pillar. His many servo arms waited patiently over panels until needed. Piloting the train was as simple as knowing when to go and when to stop, but more importantly he waited until the separate arrowhead front section connected with the ork vessel.

Cyaxeres chanting in the vox, the rumbling of the armored train, the chatter of the escort ships, nothing was breaching Philosir’s attention. All of his focus was on one particular monitor and the rapidly depleting number at the bottom of the screen. When that number hit zero the arrowhead would penetrate the ork hull and the cable would be connected. Nothing else mattered or even existed to Philosir as he focused solely on that number. As the number dwindled his hands and extra arms began to creep closer to the controls. At their current speed Philosir would have no more then ten seconds to realign the train.

Suddenly the escort vox got louder and a shout to the Emperor broke his calm. An explosion outside shook the armored train violently. Dozens of lights flashed and several screens went blank. Philosir flipped several switches and cycled through his camera views until he found a working camera that showed the outer hull of the train. Only one escort ship was now flying alongside the train. “Shield one report.” Philosir said into the now quiet vox.

“Shield one is gone! So is two and four!” Shield three responded with a shocked expression.

“What happened three? I’ve lost a lot of my instruments.” Philosir asked.

Shield three began to respond “I don’t know, I couldn’t see what h…….” but Philosir tuned him out when the distance meter dropped to zero and turned green. The arrowhead had penetrated the hull and was already expanding to hold onto the ork vessel. Philosir took the first two seconds to determine how to spin the train. With lightning speed he then flicked a dozen different switches and pushed several buttons. The train spun around the cable to align perfectly with the arrowhead section. In the final two seconds before connection the reverse boosters kicked in slowing them down.

The octagon shaped building slammed into place on the now expanded arrowhead front section. Expansion foam began to cover and seal the seam between the two sections when the six floors of Ice Angels in the transport were released from their harnesses. The assault was about to begin.

Love the tease... excited about the next installment.

“I would have preferred guard duty.” Inigo said to Nefas over the din of the gun fight.

Nefas fired five more rounds in quick succession before ducking back around the bulk head. With smooth efficiency he reloaded his custom bolter and with a satisfying click he looked over at Inigo who waited next to him patiently gripping his thunder hammer in both hands. After only a few minutes of running and intense combat Inigo was covered in gore and bile from the dozens of creatures he had slain. Behind Inigo several other Ice Angels were moving up to join their position.

“Inigo, do the Sons of Hades not teach you control? You should learn to ignore it.” Nefas said as he pivoted on his left foot and swung around the bulk head. Targets immediately filled his sight and he began to fire in short bursts at the orks down the hall. The sound of thundering of hooves slowly crescendoed towards them.

“I don’t even think the Emperor could get over this smell.” Inigo whined.

“Two incoming,” Nefas stated as he ducked back behind the bulk head, the sound of hooves nearly upon them. Inigo leapt next to the Sinners marine and swung his mighty hammer just as an ork boar boy rounded the corner at full speed. With a juicy crunch, like an over ripe fruit falling from a tree, his hammer connected with the head of the massive boar. The boar collapsed and slid across the hall sending the ork careening into the dented wall. The second boar boy was right behind the first, snout lowered he rushed straight towards Inigo. Nefas was firing on full auto as the boar connected with Inigo.

Inigo was knocked back down the hall from the impact of the boar, but when he looked up the boar and the ork rider were both dead. Nefas was once again looking around the corner bringing up his bolter to fire again, when a sudden cacophony of gun fire erupted from their right. Another unit of Ice Angels with orange weapons came running down the hall past their position. Nefas added some covering fire as Inigo got up.

Nefas watched the orange unit, the Uttuakki, move down the hall. With Angelic grace the front two slashed, punched and destroyed as the other seven covered them at every hall. After they passed the next intersection the tactical unit with Inigo and Nefas got their signal and moved up after them to explore and cleanse another section of the ork ship.

great work!

Man you are getting good with action sequences. Well done!

Nice scene.
All I could think of was WHFB boar boyz from O&G

Snakebite clan was always one of my favorites and when I first got into warhammer you could get orks on boars in 40k. I thought that was the coolest thing. My buddy that played had a unit of 10 that he ALWAYS played with. He would equip the nob with a vortex grenade whenever he could. They usually killed themselves just as often as the enemy but they were hilarious.

That sounds awesome

“SQUIGS!” A marine yelled from his left.

All down the wide expanse of the cargo pen, cage doors were being flung open by the fleeing orks. Squigs of all shapes, colors, and sizes were being released. Captain Razzik took in the scene from his slightly elevated position before sending signals to his sergeants.

“For the Emperor!” He shouted as he began to run down the slight grade into the growing horde of growling squigs. Ice Angels on both sides of him ran forward laying down a torrent of fire into the seeming endless waves of squigs.

The approaching wave of squigs broke against the wall of Ice Angels and with little resistance the Ice Angels pushed through the squigs. On the far side of the cargo pen the majority of the orks were exiting through a large set of double doors. Only a handful of brave, or stupid, orks stayed behind with their beloved pets.

The Ice Angels continued their push when an ork war cry pierced the sounds of combat. The cry made many Ice Angels pause; even some of the squigs flattened their little ears at the roar of ork voices. Out of a side archway a stream of orks riding boars burst into the cargo hold. With an ork waaaaagh on their lips they rode into the hail of Ice Angel gun fire.

Razzik removed his foot from the carcass of a squig he had just crushed and took a defense position behind his shield as the first boar boy approached. Moments before the massive boar was in range, flames erupted all around Captain Razzik. Squad Ashurbani was around him creating a wall of flames. Boars and their riders were screaming for brief seconds before melting onto the filthy floor. The smell of burning promethium was barely over powering the stench of burnt fur and melted flesh.

The first several rows of boars had been liquefied, but the sight only enraged the still flowing river of boar boys. Over the melting carcasses came the first boar that Razzik had encountered in years. With a quick side step and an axe deflection from his shield Razzik punched into the side of the boar right through the leg of the ork rider. The power fist pulverized what it hit including the internal organs of the running boar.

Razzik quickly found himself face to face with another boar, but this one had a headless rider. A short jab to the cranium of the beast ended its miserable life. The next boar fell from a round through the eye before reaching Razzik. Without looking to who fired the shot Razzik took a quick glance around the cargo hold, the boars in the immediate vicinity were dead or dying, but the boars that had reached the tactical units at his flanks were still slashing and hacking at the Ice Angels. Without the use of power weapons the ork boar boys were proving to be quite tough to stop. Razzik was about to issue an order when a massive purple squig seemingly came out of no where to land on the marine next to him. The squig had instantly crushed the marine to death with its massive bulk. It stood on two massive legs the size of an average space marine, on its back was an ork with a double barreled gun barking fire into the air. Squad Ashurbani began to fire and slash at the beast. With only its mouth and its bulk as its weapon the creature lunged forward to bite at an Ice Angel. When Razzik looked again only the legs remained of the veteran Ice Angel of the Ashurbani. With a howl of anger he took two quick steps to bring his fist at the squigs knee, but at the moment he swung the squig leapt up into the air. It’s powerful legs vaulting it and its rider over the heads of the nearby Ice Angels to once again crush a marine that didn’t dive far enough out of its way.

The jumping squig let out a loud squeal before it lunged at another marine. The marine narrowly avoided the gaping maw. The ork on top of the squig held on for its own life as the squig bull rushed a nearby group of marines. All of the marines got out of the way but a red armored Blood Angel. Calmly he raised his plasma pistol. The weapon repeatedly discharged glowing balls of death into the squigs face. The squig pulled up from its rush and began to dance around as the plasma ate at its flesh. The ork rider was thrown off its back and was promptly murdered by a combat knife to the neck. Brother Reven continued to fire his plasma pistol as the nearby Ice Angels showered the dancing squig with bolter rounds. The tough hide of the squig stopped many of the shells but the onslaught eventually took it down.

The battle continued for a few more intense minutes before there was a slight lull. As the last few boars, orks, and squigs were put down, Razzik began to move forward with the remaining Ashurbani at his side. The other units were moving up as well, only a small contingent stayed behind with Attikusu. In his white ornate armor he revived many marines and helped them get back into the battle. On several occasions he gave marines their final blessing as he took there geneseed in order to create another generation of Ice Angels.

As Captain Razzik approached the large double doors the timer in his HUD expanded for a moment, it then minimized back into the corner. Unit reports began to filter in. The next train was docking with Philosir, the Tunda Fox reinforcements were about to arrive. Cyaxeres had encountered a pocket of cyber-boars that were slowing him down greatly. The orks and their pets were putting up stiff resistance but still the Ice Angels continued to purge the vessel. In space the Imperial Navy had cleaned up most of the ork fighters.

Reports continued to come in as another ork war cry could be heard building behind the double doors. The marines formed up in front of the door in a crescent waiting for a signal from Razzik. Captain Razzik stopped twenty feet from the door and raised his shield. He continued to filter through the reports. He could hear the orks running towards the door. In every marines HUD a yellow symbol appeared. As the doors flew open every space marine aimed their weapons, but didn’t fire. The orks charged towards the awaiting marines with axes, clubs, and random pieces of equipment. Razzik noticed a flagged report from Seluku. Razzik began to read the report out of one eye as the first ork got within four steps, the symbol in every marines HUD suddenly disappeared.

Like a tsunami leveling a village, the gunfire laid down the rows of orks. By the time the orks had realized their folly it was too late to retreat. Around the crescent formation every fourth Ice Angel stepped forward into hand to hand while the others covered. Razzik continued to read the report as his marines destroyed the orks.

The first thing the Navy had hit was the orks communications systems but the astropaths on the Frozen Rage are detecting a surge of psychic energy coming from the ork vessel, the ork weird boyz must be killed before they can send a message to the other orks in the Kota system.

Whoo! Brother Reven!

The wierdboyz...Does this mean you are going to try your hand at writing of void warfare, or an intense boarding action?

very nice! always getting better!

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Whoo! Brother Reven!

The wierdboyz...Does this mean you are going to try your hand at writing of void warfare, or an intense boarding action?

I will not answer that question. I don't like to give away any hints to whats about to come!

Love the boar boyz! And three cheers for Brother Raven. Too back he'll die from plasma overload in a few more shots... but the boy had nerves of steel & did his emperor proud.

Gitsplitta wrote:Love the boar boyz! And three cheers for Brother Raven. Too back he'll die from plasma overload in a few more shots... but the boy had nerves of steel & did his emperor proud.

I only need to replace one word in your post and Brother Reven would become Brother Nukem.

(speaking of Brother Nukem, I now have yet another side project due to me posting something as a joke, then thinking it is a good idea. Damn me)

Cyaxeres had encountered a pocket of cyber-boars that were slowly [slowing - Ed.] him down greatly

Only slight typo.

Good read as normal. Lack of comments from me should be taken as a complement, btw. I only like to comment if I have something useful to add, which I havent been able to because its been so good!

whalemusic360 wrote:Cyaxeres had encountered a pocket of cyber-boars that were slowly [slowing - Ed.] him down greatly

Only slight typo.

Good read as normal. Lack of comments from me should be taken as a complement, btw. I only like to comment if I have something useful to add, which I havent been able to because its been so good!

Error corrected, thanks for the heads up. I'm glad you guys are enjoying the read. I have really been getting into the ork battles. I think of all the 40k races orks are the most fun to read about and write about. Something about their idiotic barbaric tendencies along with their crazy yet amazing technology is really intriguing to me.

orks are great, they are an amazing race haha, chaos is also a great one for a real enemy, you know? they def feel like a great rival for a marine

“This is not very entertaining.” Aquilum said as he ducked back behind a piece of damaged hull. To his immediate left were Inushi and the vindicator Crystalfist. Every six seconds, like clockwork, it fired towards the advancing ork walkers. Further left was the handful of survivors from Beta. To Aquilum’s right was the remnants of Gamma. The Shwando and their heavy weapons were cleaning up what the Crystalfist didn’t destroy or send spiraling into space. As the orks continued their cumbersome march the strange mix of kans and dreads fired all sorts of shells, shrapnel, rockets, and even the occasional laser beam. In the distance behind the Ice Angel position, the towering train could be seen protruding from the ships hull.

Aquilum peaked over the protruding piece of hull he was using as cover when he noticed a large walker was coming over the ridge, it was bigger then the typical dreads orks field. Its left arm was some bizarre barreled contraption that was covered in cords and tubes, it’s right arm ended in what looked like a grinning battering ram. On both of its shoulders were glass cockpits in which grots manned heavy weapons. As he monitored the newest walker, the Crystalfist fired another explosive round. It hit a smaller four armed dread in the chest and when the flash dissipated nothing remained standing on the hull. The area between the Ice Angels and the newest walking ork creation was now full of floating debris from dozens of ork walkers.

As the Ice Angels began to see the newest threat the Shwando began to fire their heavy bolters and multi-melta at the kans in front to clear a firing lane for the Crystalfist. The bolters weren’t the greatest anti armor weapon but the combined fire took out the first few kans as the Crystalfist fired again. This time the shell went straight at the huge walker. Right before the point of impact some sort of shield flashed and the vindicator round reflected away out into space.

“What was that?” Inushi swore.
“It must have some sort of shield, try again.” Bel Hando added from his prone position in cover, his combi-bolter of little use against all the heavy armor. In response the mega dread opened fire with its shoulder mounted grot weapons. The rounds danced across the Ice Angel line, one managed to find the shoulder of Brother Baris. Swearing, Brother Baris let go of his heavy bolter and quickly pulled out expansion foam to fill the crack in his armor that was venting vital air. As the heavy bolter floated in space Brother Rattmu, the newest member of the Shwando, came out of cover and took the heavy bolter. He straightened out and locked his arms. He now held a heavy bolter in each hand and when he pulled the triggers the dual streams quickly found one of the shoulder glass bubbles. The shield and reinforced glass held against the river of bullets but the grot inside had some sort of panic attack and stopped firing the gun. Eventually some of the rounds got through and cracked the bubble. The grot quickly died as the air escaped his cramped position.

The huge dreadnought took notice and swung its barreled arm towards Rattumu’s position. Seeing this he took cover along with the other marines nearby. At the end of the dreadnoughts gun three orbs began to spin around the barrel. Suddenly the end of the barrel produced a black inky cloud but no projectile could be seen.

Several Ice Angels poked their heads out from cover when a massive black cloud appeared over and around Brother Baris and Brother UbuZa. Their screams were loud and brief as the cloud turned into frantic snotlings that had been warped into their position. Some of them had even appeared inside the armor of the Ice Angels. Helplessly they watched the two marines claw at their own armor as the snotlings materialized in their bodies. Thankfully their deaths were swift. Bel Hando didn’t finish watching them die before issuing new orders and renewing the attack. The remaining marines opened fire and the Crystalfist fired again. This time the reflected shot went into a neighboring walker, several smaller kans were destroyed, one was sent into space as its munitions reacted and exploded.

The mega dread continued to shamble forward as it fired once more, this time the vindicator was targeted. The inky cloud appeared near the rear of the tank when the first yells could be heard over the vox.

“GET OUT OF MY TANK!” Timigiratee the gunner shouted. Suddenly the rear door and top hatch flipped open and the bodies of snotlings shot out. Timigiratee poked his head out of the top hatch with three snotlings in one hand and his bolt pistol in the other. He threw the bodies of the snotlings towards the relentless swarm of walkers before ducking back into his beloved tank and closing the hatch. After the hatched closed a colorful string of curses could be heard over the vox from Timigiratee when Zarva, the driver calmly spoke, “Snotlings took out fire control. We’ll need a few minutes.”

Aquilum watched the sight with slight amusement before a thought came to him. Without hesitating he came around the hull he was still taking cover behind. Inushi watched him get up and begin to run towards the oncoming ork walkers. Without thinking he got up and followed. “Covering fire!” Aquilum said in his best Bel Hando impression. The marines from Beta and Gamma came out of cover and began to spray fire at the walkers.

Aquilum ran as fast as he was able in the zero gravity environment directly towards one of the standard dreadnoughts. The ork walker was four armed but as the covering fire began to pepper it; its claw arm was preemptive and struck ahead of the yellow and pink marine. The claw struck the hull of the ork vessel and as it did Aquilum stepped on the back of the claw and jumped at the dreads top hatch. He grabbed onto the top of the dread with his hands and propelled himself over the dread towards the rubble of one behind it. Inushi caught onto the strategy and dove under the dreadnought kicking off the dreadnoughts legs like a swimmer pushing off a wall. The two passed through or around several surprised orks before reaching the towering mega dread.

As Aquilum floated at the mega dread, the dreadnought twisted the gun away from him and instead pointed the massive battering ram at him. Aquilum’s vision was soon filled with the grinning end of the ram as it quickly shot out at the Emperor’s Fool. Inushi saw the yellow and pink marine go limp as the ram quickly moved back like an armored piston. Small fragments of yellow and pink armor shot out into space. Inushi floated towards the dread under the rams shadow. He took another glance at his fellow marine and noticed the marine was actually hugging the face of the ram. When it finally returned to its original position Aquilum tried to move around the ram towards the dreads cockpit, but the ram quickly shot back out taking Aquilum with him; only his super human grip kept him holding onto the ram as it shot out and stopped. The remaining shoulder mounted grot fired its gun down at the ram and Aquilum.

Inushi was now near the mega dreads crotch. He began to climb up the back of the dread when he noticed a lot of tubes leading to a large barreled container. Inushi took out one of his krak grenades, primed it and stuck it behind some of the tubes before continuing his ascent. The dread trembled for a moment when Inushi noticed hundreds of dead snotlings were floating in space all around him. He looked below and noticed the barrel was wide open and the tubes were floating out behind the dread.

Suddenly the mega dread began to turn around and stomp in circles looking for its assailant. As it turned around several of the remaining walkers began to shoot at Inushi but the rounds reflected off of the shield protecting the mega dread. The shoulder mounted grot began to shoot back, confused as to why the dreads were shooting at a fellow ork walker. Another explosion soon ripped through the mega dread which made the walker cease to move. When Inushi reached the grots little bubble he thought he could almost feel the grots high pitched scream vibrating the glass as he flipped several latches and opened the cockpit into the void. The grot died instantly and floated away, but Inushi was already moving back down the dread trying to find cover away from the other walkers.

“Where are you Aquilum?” Inushi asked as he looked around the dreads feet.

Inushi could hear a grunt in the vox, before Aquilum’s gruff voice replied, “inside this contraption. I have to repair my armor. Hurry up and kill everyone else.”

“Hang onto something.” Timigiratee spoke over the vox through gritted teeth. The Crystalfist finally fired its massive siege gun again. The round passed a few kans before colliding with a dreadnought not far from the now motionless mega dread. A handful of dreads were torn apart from the blast. Bel Hando took the moment to redirect his units fire. Soon the marines and vindicator had cleaned the last few moving walkers. By the time Inushi moved back down the dread to the hull Aquilum was coming out of the inner workings of the mega dread. “What?” Aquilum asked as he saw Inushi’s look. The bright yellow and pink quartered pattern was broken up by a huge mass of the hardened orange sealant foam on his chest. The concrete like foam was also covering a section of his left leg and shoulder.

Inushi stared at Aquilum for a second before responding, “How are you alive after that hit?” Aquilum paused before walking back towards the Ice Angel line, “Apparently the Emperor found I was still entertaining enough to keep around.” He said back at the green armored Mantis Warrior. Inushi shook his head in disbelief before hustling to catch up. “That was insane Aquilum, what were you thinking rushing out into the open to assault a dreadnought like that?” Aquilum didn’t respond and kept walking.

Inushi stepped next to Aquilum and grabbed his arm. Aquilum paused and looked down at the Mantis Warriors hand. “That dreadnought had to be stopped before it took out the vindicator or more Astartes.”

Inushi let go as Aquilum began to walk away again. “That’s it? It had to be stopped! That was your reasoning for getting up from cover, running straight at a dreadnought into a tactical death trap in hopes you can stop it with your one melta bomb?” Inushi held up his hands and looked around, “That’s ridiculous!”

Aquilum took a deep breathe that could be heard over the vox before looking at the young marine. “Inushi, why did you follow me into a tactical death trap?”

“I……” Inushi began before looking down at his feet. Aquilum smirked and walked back to the Ice Angel line. Inushi stood in silence, his mind racing. “I have no idea.” He whispered to himself.

great work, loved reading this!

I hope you all have an Ice Angellie holiday!

And as TIM the squat says. "Emperor bless us, everyone."

Merry Christmas Ice.

Do you actually have a 'Tim the squat' ?

Happy Holidays Ice! What exactly is an Ice Angel holiday? No Christianity in 40k of course... but would they celebrate the birthday of The Emperor in some way?

Ice Angels would celebrate the birth of their chapter and veterans day. The Emperors birth day has been lost even though millions celebrate it on different days.

Other then that Ice Angels don't have many holidays.

I like the idea, but you do need to work on some things, such as flow and ease of reading. Basically, try to use fewer periods, since that makes it rather hard to understand what is going on, and makes the story you are trying to tell feel choppy and rough, instead of smooth and flowing.

Still, I like what you are doing!

_Tim?

Some_Call_Me_Tim? wrote:I like the idea, but you do need to work on some things, such as flow and ease of reading. Basically, try to use fewer periods, since that makes it rather hard to understand what is going on, and makes the story you are trying to tell feel choppy and rough, instead of smooth and flowing.

Still, I like what you are doing!

_Tim?

Thanks for the feedback Tim. Can you do me a favor and copy an example. I learn quicker that way. Thanks again.

“Pyrox, Reven, and Evrard, go with Sergeant Suqqa and Squad Kujara, now!” Razzik shouted as rounds ricocheted off his armor and shield. The orks were pouring down a wide ramshackle staircase that was quickly becoming slick with ork blood. At the base of the stairs Captain Razzik stood stoically issuing commands as the marines slowly pushed against the waves of orks. Protecting him was squad Ashurbani and several of the guest marines, including Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears who defended his flank like a second shield.

As several affirmative blips crossed Razzik’s HUD, Squad Kujara broke from their cover, ran up some of the stairs, and then through a side door. The gray fire angel, green dark angel, and red blood angel followed right behind the eight man black tactical squad under the hail of oncoming ork fire. The eleven marines came to the first intersection and took a brief pause as the point marine Balathu, peaked around the corner before issuing a hand signal. The unit continued on with the three guest marines bringing up the rear.

Running from corner to corner the unit moved, after checking several empty rooms and dispatching some wandering orks they came to a wide hall with two sets of black doors. Seconds before they reached the doors, the left one flew open and a handful of dark green orks exited into their hallway. The quicker Ice Angels blasted at the orks as they came out. The first few orks absorbed many bolter rounds before falling like discarded garbage only feet from the front Ice Angels. As the last ork stopped twitching, the marines waited either for a command or another target.

For a moment that seemed to stretch for an hour the marines stood aiming at the open door, waiting. Sergeant Suqqa’s sixth sense was tingling so he waited, not issuing a single command until the other black door flew open. With practiced ease the marines addressed and fired at the incoming orks. As they did, orks began to once again pour out of the first door.

An intense few moments of fire led to the death of many orks, but when larger and well armed orks began to move through, the tide quickly changed. Their tough hide and sheer bulk gave them the extra distance they needed to reach the first kneeling Ice Angels and as they did, Brother Pwanzu and Brother Bleeki where chopped down from axe wounds. Suddenly a flash of light cut through the hall way, Brother Thukoo’s lascannon beam passed through a half dozen orks momentarily halting the assault. Only one ork screamed in pain as they all fell to the floor, but the remaining standing orks merely gritted their teeth and charged again. In these brief seconds Evrard powered up his power mace and moved to engage with Brother Reven at his side. The remaining Ice Angels covered the pair as Pyrox began to adjust the settings on his gray plasmagun.

Evrard met the first ork with a downward swing that pulverized the orks skull. As the ork fell, Evrard spun to his left and when the mace came back around it met the side of another ork who was midswing. The ork continued its swing but only managed a glancing blow before succumbing to the wound from the glowing mace. Evrard shrugged off the hit to his massive shoulder pad before raising his bolt pistol at the next pair of orks, firing off a few quick shots. To his right, Brother Reven danced with a one eyed brutish ork that wielded a crude halberd made from bones. When the ork miss stepped Brother Reven jabbed with his chainsword that went through the orks throat, the blade growled and sputtered for a moment before removing the orks head from its spine. Brother Reven removed the blade and flung some of the gore off of it before bringing up his plasma pistol.

“Center” a grumble of a voice could be heard in the vox. Evrard stepped to his left and Reven tumbled right just milliseconds before an oversized ball of plasma from Pyrox’s weapon flew down the hall obliterating all in its path. As the orb of destruction took its toll on the orks Pyrox placed his smoking plasmagun on his back and charged at the remaining greenskins.

As Pyrox grappled, Evrard crushed, and Reven sliced, the unit of marines made the final push towards the pair of doors. Reven was first to reach the left door frame and peak through. After the quick look he spun around the corner to engage another incoming ork. The surprised greenskin was dispatched by a plasma ball to the chest. Before the ork had even hit the floor Pyrox was running past. With a powerful leap he flipped towards the last ork in the room. The ork fired several loud rounds before Pyrox’s feet connected with the top of the orks skull. With a sickening crunch the force pushed the orks head down between its shoulder blades killing it instantly, as the ork spasmed and fell Pyrox tumbled away into a crouched position.

Slowly Pyrox stood up over his latest victim and inspected the room they were in. It was a small chamber with an open back door and a spiral staircase leading up. Orks could be heard above them. Reven began to point towards the stairs with his plasma pistol when a static pulse came over the vox. The staccato of bolter rounds and the sizzle of the lascannon were heard before Evrard chimed in.

“Sergeant Suqqa has been incapacitated.”

Pyrox and Reven looked at each other before moving back through the black door. By the other black door an Ice Angel, Balathu, knelt over the limp form of Sergeant Suqqa. The motionless marine had substantial battle damage to his armor and helm but only a handful of wounds, one of which was a spear through one of his hearts. His other heart would keep him alive but he had already gone unconscious in order to sustain himself. The kneeling marine looked over his shoulder at the waiting marines. “We need to get him to Attikusu.” Balathu stated.

As blood dripped off Reven’s chainsword Pyrox stepped forward. “Take him and your lost brethren back to the main force, we will forge ahead and report back.”

Balathu glanced at the squad that he was now leading. When his look got to Thukoo he stopped, “Thukoo and Kuri, go with them.” Balathu picked up the body of his Sergeant and looked back to Pyrox, he waited a moment as if to say something before turning to walk away. The other two remaining tactical marines from Squad Kujara grabbed the other down marines and began to head out. Without looking back Balathu said, “The ice falls.”

Thukoo and Kuri responded in unison, “Our foes will shatter.”

Reven looked to Pyrox just as Evrard turned his green helmet his way. Pyrox realized they were waiting for him to lead. With the weight of command back on his shoulders he turned to the room with the stairs, “Evrard point, Kuri rear.” Pyrox thought to himself how odd it was to be in command of a unit such as this.

“move” he quietly added.

The instant the syllables left his lips Evrard was running towards the stairs with Reven on his heels. The five man unit was quickly moving up the spiral stairs and as they moved Pyrox thought back to his chapter that he hadn’t seen in decades. The Ice Angels had attempted to send a message after his rescue but the Fire Angels were a zealous crusading chapter on an unknown mission in an unknown system. It may be another several decades before he would ever catch up to them.

When Pyrox breached the top of the stairs behind Reven, he thought back to some of the battles he had led his old unit into. As Evrard created a bloody path through the waiting orks Pyrox fired his bolt pistol and engaged an ork attempting to flank Reven, but the engagement seemed subdued as Pyrox’s mind continued to relive some of his own past. The memory of his old unit brought Pyrox back to his time with the Dark Eldar, watching his men being sacrificed one at a time brought him to a new level of combat awareness. As Pyrox had done many times before, he filtered out his anger and hatred to gain a level of tranquility. After each kill he recited a prayer to the Emperor, and even though it was seconds before each kill he always finished his prayer before the next ork died. For a few moments Pyrox felt as if he was once again with his old chapter, the precision of the Ice Angels and relentless power of the two other angels reminding him of how true Astartes should fight. In this heightened awareness he turned in time to witness Evrard duel with three orks wielding massive two handed chain blades. Pyrox aimed to fire his last round, as he did so one of the orks managed to land a blow on Evrard’s side. The sudden jolt from the orks blow nearly knocked Evrard over and the time he spent keeping himself up was all the time the other orks needed to land additional blows. Their smoking chainblades dug through his green power armor tearing into his side, shoulder, and backpack. As his body was being eviscerated Evrard continued to fight, his powermace connected with one of the orks skull before Evrard lost his arm. He punched out with his other hand putting it through an orks eye, but the ork behind him continued to push the giant buzzing blade into his back. Pyrox watched in awe as the Dark Angel primed his remaining grenades and threw them behind him. “FOR THE EMPEROR!” Evrard shouted as the explosion rocked the room and sent him flying.

Epic...

Hey again, IceAngel,

Since you asked, here is a good example of some minor things you can do to help the story flow. I used the 1st paragraph from you newest story.

“Pyrox, Reven, and Evrard, go with Sergeant Suqqa and Squad Kujara.” Razzik said as rounds bounced off his armor and shield. Amidst the wave of incoming fire Razzik stood, commanding the attention of the orks and becoming the focal point of the Ice Angel line. Protecting him was squad Ashurbani and several of the guest marines. Acting as a second shield, Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears stood right next to Razzik as he issued commands."

*Cracks Knuckles* Now, here is my modified version of the above paragraph:

“Pyrox, Reven, and Evrard, go with Sergeant Suqqa and Squad Kujara, now!” Razzik bellowed, rounds of Ork bolta's bouncing off of his power armor and shield. Amidst the wave of incoming fire he stood, purpolsey making himself the attention the focal point of the Ice Angel line. Standing stoically by him were squad Ashurbani, joined by several guest marines. Among them, Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears stood close to Razzik as he issued commands."

Hope this helps. I would also recommend reading some good Black Library books, and studying up on how they write the battle scenes.

_Tim?

Tim, you might re-write that so that Ice can see where you'd like to see him improve. It's always more helpful to suggest a solution than just point out a problem.

Gitsplitta wrote:Tim, you might re-write that so that Ice can see where you'd like to see him improve. It's always more helpful to suggest a solution than just point out a problem.

Fixed the post for him.

_Tim?

Got it! I'm sure that'll help. Can't speak for Ice, but I always seem to learn better if I can see an example of what I'm supposed to be shooting for.

Some_Call_Me_Tim? wrote:Hey again, IceAngel,

Since you asked, here is a good example of some minor things you can do to help the story flow. I used the 1st paragraph from you newest story.

“Pyrox, Reven, and Evrard, go with Sergeant Suqqa and Squad Kujara.” Razzik said as rounds bounced off his armor and shield. Amidst the wave of incoming fire Razzik stood, commanding the attention of the orks and becoming the focal point of the Ice Angel line. Protecting him was squad Ashurbani and several of the guest marines. Acting as a second shield, Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears stood right next to Razzik as he issued commands."

*Cracks Knuckles* Now, here is my modified version of the above paragraph:

“Pyrox, Reven, and Evrard, go with Sergeant Suqqa and Squad Kujara, now!” Razzik bellowed, rounds of Ork bolta's bouncing off of his power armor and shield. Amidst the wave of incoming fire he stood, purpolsey making himself the attention the focal point of the Ice Angel line. Standing stoically by him were squad Ashurbani, joined by several guest marines. Among them, Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears stood close to Razzik as he issued commands."

Hope this helps. I would also recommend reading some good Black Library books, and studying up on how they write the battle scenes.

_Tim?

Aha, I now see what you mean, even though you have just as many sentences as I did, lol. But having the before and after makes it a lot easier to understand what you are saying. I will have to go back and try to do a bit more editing.

As for Black Library books, I have read many of them but never actually studied the writing style. I easily get sucked in and become oblivious to that sort of thing, but maybe I will reread some of my favorites and try to pay more attention to that. Good suggestions!

Love the work so far!

Love it Ice.

And I recommend re-reading a Black Library book (that you still remember the story line) so you can focus on the writing style more intently.

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Love it Ice.

And I recommend re-reading a Black Library book (that you still remember the story line) so you can focus on the writing style more intently.

Once I finish reading first heretic, my next book will be Prospero Burns. After that I may go back and reread a book or two.

i find just looking over parts of action scenes in novels you like helps too!

Woo first one to eat it! Thats kinda his thing though, so its cool.

whalemusic360 wrote:Woo first one to eat it! Thats kinda his thing though, so its cool.

Don't worry WM, Reven was already pre-modeled so his time may or may not be coming soon.

Okay, I did some editing and some reworking on the above post. Let me know if you it feels any different to you.

IceAngel wrote:“Pyrox, Reven, and Evrard, go with Sergeant Suqqa and Squad Kujara, now!” Razzik shouted as rounds ricocheted off his armor and shield. The orks were pouring down a wide ramshackle staircase that was quickly becoming slick with ork blood. At the base of the stairs Captain Razzik stood stoically issuing commands as the marines slowly pushed against the waves of orks. Protecting him was squad Ashurbani and several of the guest marines, including Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears who defended his flank like a second shield.

As several affirmative blips crossed Razzik’s HUD, Squad Kujara broke from their cover, ran up some of the stairs, and then through a side door. The gray fire angel, green dark angel, and red blood angel followed right behind the eight man black tactical squad under the hail of oncoming ork fire. The eleven marines came to the first intersection and took a brief pause as the point marine Balathu, peaked around the corner before issuing a hand signal. The unit continued on with the three guest marines bringing up the rear.

Running from corner to corner the unit moved, after checking several empty rooms and dispatching some wandering orks they came to a wide hall with two sets of black doors. Seconds before they reached the doors, the left one flew open and a handful of dark green orks exited into their hallway. The quicker Ice Angels blasted at the orks as they came out. The first few orks absorbed many bolter rounds before falling like discarded garbage only feet from the front Ice Angels. As the last ork stopped twitching, the marines waited either for a command or another target.

For a moment that seemed to stretch for an hour the marines stood aiming at the open door, waiting. Sergeant Suqqa’s sixth sense was tingling so he waited, not issuing a single command until the other black door flew open. With practiced ease the marines addressed and fired at the incoming orks. As they did, orks began to once again pour out of the first door.

An intense few moments of fire led to the death of many orks, but when larger and well armed orks began to move through, the tide quickly changed. Their tough hide and sheer bulk gave them the extra distance they needed to reach the first kneeling Ice Angels and as they did, Brother Pwanzu and Brother Bleeki where chopped down from axe wounds. Suddenly a flash of light cut through the hall way, Brother Thukoo’s lascannon beam passed through a half dozen orks momentarily halting the assault. Only one ork screamed in pain as they all fell to the floor, but the remaining standing orks merely gritted their teeth and charged again. In these brief seconds Evrard powered up his power mace and moved to engage with Brother Reven at his side. The remaining Ice Angels covered the pair as Pyrox began to adjust the settings on his gray plasmagun.

Evrard met the first ork with a downward swing that pulverized the orks skull. As the ork fell, Evrard spun to his left and when the mace came back around it met the side of another ork who was midswing. The ork continued its swing but only managed a glancing blow before succumbing to the wound from the glowing mace. Evrard shrugged off the hit to his massive shoulder pad before raising his bolt pistol at the next pair of orks, firing off a few quick shots. To his right, Brother Reven danced with a one eyed brutish ork that wielded a crude halberd made from bones. When the ork miss stepped Brother Reven jabbed with his chainsword that went through the orks throat, the blade growled and sputtered for a moment before removing the orks head from its spine. Brother Reven removed the blade and flung some of the gore off of it before bringing up his plasma pistol.

“Center” a grumble of a voice could be heard in the vox. Evrard stepped to his left and Reven tumbled right just milliseconds before an oversized ball of plasma from Pyrox’s weapon flew down the hall obliterating all in its path. As the orb of destruction took its toll on the orks Pyrox placed his smoking plasmagun on his back and charged at the remaining greenskins.

As Pyrox grappled, Evrard crushed, and Reven sliced, the unit of marines made the final push towards the pair of doors. Reven was first to reach the left door frame and peak through. After the quick look he spun around the corner to engage another incoming ork. The surprised greenskin was dispatched by a plasma ball to the chest. Before the ork had even hit the floor Pyrox was running past. With a powerful leap he flipped towards the last ork in the room. The ork fired several loud rounds before Pyrox’s feet connected with the top of the orks skull. With a sickening crunch the force pushed the orks head down between its shoulder blades killing it instantly, as the ork spasmed and fell Pyrox tumbled away into a crouched position.

Slowly Pyrox stood up over his latest victim and inspected the room they were in. It was a small chamber with an open back door and a spiral staircase leading up. Orks could be heard above them. Reven began to point towards the stairs with his plasma pistol when a static pulse came over the vox. The staccato of bolter rounds and the sizzle of the lascannon were heard before Evrard chimed in.

“Sergeant Suqqa has been incapacitated.”

Pyrox and Reven looked at each other before moving back through the black door. By the other black door an Ice Angel, Balathu, knelt over the limp form of Sergeant Suqqa. The motionless marine had substantial battle damage to his armor and helm but only a handful of wounds, one of which was a spear through one of his hearts. His other heart would keep him alive but he had already gone unconscious in order to sustain himself. The kneeling marine looked over his shoulder at the waiting marines. “We need to get him to Attikusu.” Balathu stated.

As blood dripped off Reven’s chainsword Pyrox stepped forward. “Take him and your lost brethren back to the main force, we will forge ahead and report back.”

Balathu glanced at the squad that he was now leading. When his look got to Thukoo he stopped, “Thukoo and Kuri, go with them.” Balathu picked up the body of his Sergeant and looked back to Pyrox, he waited a moment as if to say something before turning to walk away. The other two remaining tactical marines from Squad Kujara grabbed the other down marines and began to head out. Without looking back Balathu said, “The ice falls.”

Thukoo and Kuri responded in unison, “Our foes will shatter.”

Reven looked to Pyrox just as Evrard turned his green helmet his way. Pyrox realized they were waiting for him to lead. With the weight of command back on his shoulders he turned to the room with the stairs, “Evrard point, Kuri rear.” Pyrox thought to himself how odd it was to be in command of a unit such as this.

“move” he quietly added.

The instant the syllables left his lips Evrard was running towards the stairs with Reven on his heels. The five man unit was quickly moving up the spiral stairs and as they moved Pyrox thought back to his chapter that he hadn’t seen in decades. The Ice Angels had attempted to send a message after his rescue but the Fire Angels were a zealous crusading chapter on an unknown mission in an unknown system. It may be another several decades before he would ever catch up to them.

When Pyrox breached the top of the stairs behind Reven, he thought back to some of the battles he had led his old unit into. As Evrard created a bloody path through the waiting orks Pyrox fired his bolt pistol and engaged an ork attempting to flank Reven, but the engagement seemed subdued as Pyrox’s mind continued to relive some of his own past. The memory of his old unit brought Pyrox back to his time with the Dark Eldar, watching his men being sacrificed one at a time brought him to a new level of combat awareness. As Pyrox had done many times before, he filtered out his anger and hatred to gain a level of tranquility. After each kill he recited a prayer to the Emperor, and even though it was seconds before each kill he always finished his prayer before the next ork died. For a few moments Pyrox felt as if he was once again with his old chapter, the precision of the Ice Angels and relentless power of the two other angels reminding him of how true Astartes should fight. In this heightened awareness he turned in time to witness Evrard duel with three orks wielding massive two handed chain blades. Pyrox aimed to fire his last round, as he did so one of the orks managed to land a blow on Evrard’s side. The sudden jolt from the orks blow nearly knocked Evrard over and the time he spent keeping himself up was all the time the other orks needed to land additional blows. Their smoking chainblades dug through his green power armor tearing into his side, shoulder, and backpack. As his body was being eviscerated Evrard continued to fight, his powermace connected with one of the orks skull before Evrard lost his arm. He punched out with his other hand putting it through an orks eye, but the ork behind him continued to push the giant buzzing blade into his back. Pyrox watched in awe as the Dark Angel primed his remaining grenades and threw them behind him. “FOR THE EMPEROR!” Evrard shouted as the explosion rocked the room and sent him flying.

Ithought I would bring it down by your post!

it is much better now! i really feel like im in the fight moreso than before. good work

The very last sentence "him" is technically referring to Evrard, not Pyrox as I suspect was the target.

whalemusic360 wrote:The very last sentence "him" is technically referring to Evrard, not Pyrox as I suspect was the target.

The "him" should refer to Evrard, not Pyrox. Evrard is throwing the grenades directly behind himself so when they detonate they would kill the ork behind him and send him across the room. So I guess I was correct but I may have to reword that to make it a bit more clear.

Indeed, I thought he was blowing up the whole squad of orks with himself.

still an awsome read well done

Just curious to know, is there a cultural influence for your chapter? For example: White Scars ~ Mongolians, Space Wolves ~ Vikings, Ultramarines ~ Roman Empire...ish

DickBandit wrote:Just curious to know, is there a cultural influence for your chapter? For example: White Scars ~ Mongolians, Space Wolves ~ Vikings, Ultramarines ~ Roman Empire...ish

Excellent Question DickBandit! The answer is kind of, but not really. The Ice Angels are a successor of the Angels Encarname which are a successor of the Blood Angels, with that in mind I wanted to have loose ties to the blood angels. Now unfortunately the blood angels don't really have a good cultural influence like so many other chapters, other then they are mildly vampiric in iconography and general look. (in my opinion) When I started to really delve into my story, which I've been making up as I go along, (not great at planning) I started with names. A dozen or so names I have had for years, Cyaxeres, Ruusa, Frank, for example were already in. The rest I went with Babylonian in nature. Many of the names that end in a vowel are Babylonian, for those who are interested. As I started to add more characters and create more fluff I began to learn more about Babylonian history and what not, however by this time my story was 100 some pages long and I wasn't about to go back and edit my posts, at least not yet. So if you read my story now, there isn't a lot of cultural influence other then the names, but when I am done with this epic rough draft and rewriting all of this, I plan to add that cultural element to the story because frankly I have been leaving that out. I am also hoping that as I continue to write, the culture will kind of create itself. So much of my story was created on the fly and off of whatever emotion I was feeling that day. The day I killed Captain Ruusa was a particularly bad day, that wasn't planned, but low and behold Captain Razzik is now one of the main characters. I don't know about you all, but I was pretty shocked when he died to tell you the truth.

Now I am definitely keeping the names, but I don't know if I'll use Babylonians as the influence, that is still to be determined. If you have any thoughts on any of this please let me know, I love suggestions.


good lord, that response was huge! did i even answer your question?

I think cultural influences always give a made up chapter, craftworld, legion, etc. a very interesting and unique feel.

For example, my chapter because of dire circumstances, had to find another planet to set up shop. They got lost in the Warp, ended up on the very outer reaches of the Imperium on a desert planet that is geographically similar to Afghanistan. The people of the planet are arabic, so many of the initiates and recruits are arabic.

DickBandit wrote:I think cultural influences always give a made up chapter, craftworld, legion, etc. a very interesting and unique feel.

I totally agree!


Okay, I'll give you a topic to discuss.

What "culture" do you think the Ice Angels should be based off of? How do you envision them acting outside of combat situations? Or what rituals do you think they should have or utilize?

Go ahead, talk amongst yourselves.

I picture them semi-albino (light hair and skin) but with blue eyes.
Possibly dark hair to mix it up, but super pale skin all around.

For some reason i've been picturing a type of jungle tribesmen theme. Probably cause of some of the names having vowels at the end, and the orange on the Vet squads reminiscent of tigers or jungle cats.
Or i could just be off my rocker.

oh and I wanted to say that, even tho I've been on the site a few times before, i havent really gotten into it or registered until I started reading your stuff. great work

I was thinking about that too, but due to the ice world, I picture them pale.
They could be a semi tribal chapter, and have rituals etc

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:I was thinking about that too, but due to the ice world, I picture them pale.
They could be a semi tribal chapter, and have rituals etc

yeah the ice world + what I had pictured do clash quite a bit.
hasnt been causing me any trouble, but does make it a little more difficult to pin down a theme (at least for me)

They could look like the polish of medevil europe. XD

Random Extra wrote:For some reason i've been picturing a type of jungle tribesmen theme. Probably cause of some of the names having vowels at the end, and the orange on the Vet squads reminiscent of tigers or jungle cats.
Or i could just be off my rocker.

oh and I wanted to say that, even tho I've been on the site a few times before, i havent really gotten into it or registered until I started reading your stuff. great work

@Random Extra - Welcome to Dakka! Thanks man, I hope to see more comments from you in the future then!

@Asherian Command - I can't exactly picture what medieval polish were like but i'll look into it.



As for the tribal jungle pale ice blue eye comments, I can see where you would get that. I like the tribal idea, when I started working on the back ground before the story I wrote that very first post of mine. In it I talk about Shattermantle and the system it sits in. First of all, everyone on Shattermantle lives IN Shattermantle not on it. It is so cold that all of the industry and hives are underground. So that totally fits in with the pale aspect. Now on the other hand, in the system that the Ice Angels come from there are a plethora of space born "tribes" that live off of the natural creatures that roam the asteroid fields in space. Each tribe controls a section of the asteroid field and every so often they meet at an ancient space station and hold games, the winners tribe is granted more territory until the next game and the winner becomes an Ice Angel, which is of course a HUGE honor. I pictured the rest of the Ice Angel initiates to come from the other planets in the system along with a fair amount coming from the Industrial underhives of Shattermantle.

So we have on one hand a group of marines coming from nomadic space tribes on the other hand we have a group of marines who come from all walks of life from the hive cities. Maybe the babylonian named marines are from the space tribes and the others are from the more civilized sections of the system. The more pale blue eyed marines could easily be from the planet while the others could be from the tribes.

Thoughts?

If you have multiple tribes, you can have different skin, hair, and eye tones
Under-Shattermantle dwellers could be blue eyed and pale.
Or vise versa (I'm confused, first you say pale would fit with under the planet, then you said pale + blue eyes could easily be from the tribes )



Also, Ice, I am planning on writing a big fluff story about how each of my GMS marines came to be together, and sadly I have forgotten the name of the marine you swapped with me. I know you put it in one of your stories, so I'll go look.

Found it: Deemethresi

I fixed my post. Maybe i should create a dual culture chapter instead of trying to settle on one. That could be fun. Pale blue eyed marines from the planet and the tribal guys.

Don't you mean multi cultural
(I don't think every tribe would look the same, unless all the planets in the system are exactly the same)

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Don't you mean multi cultural
(I don't think every tribe would look the same, unless all the planets in the system are exactly the same)

multi culteral, yes that is what i meant lol.

The planets are not all the same in the system, but I don't think the tribes will be necessarily tied to the planets. Either way, we can make the tribes all different. They have always been different groups so why would they all look the same any ways, right?

Exactly. In my story, Deemethresi with be pale blue eyed though

Very nice to read!!

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Exactly. In my story, Deemethresi with be pale blue eyed though

Cool man! Let me know if you need any info on him from me.

Tmonster wrote:Very nice to read!!

Thanks Tmonster!

IceAngel wrote:

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Exactly. In my story, Deemethresi with be pale blue eyed though

Cool man! Let me know if you need any info on him from me.

Tmonster wrote:Very nice to read!!

Thanks Tmonster!

Actually, I would love some info

Brother Walters brought up his green glowing power sword just in time to deflect a blow from an ork chain blade. The ork kept its momentum going and tried to bull rush the power armored marine, but Brother Walters was familiar with the maneuver and smashed his bolt pistol into its chin. With a roar of pain and hatred the ork fell onto his side, he attempted to bring his chain blade to defend himself, but Brother Walters had already anticipated the move. A short side swipe took off the orks arm at the elbow and a quick jab ended the orks life, but before Walters could enjoy his small victory another ork barreled into him from behind. He crashed onto the filthy floor with an unarmed toothless orks, his bolt pistol was sent flying and his powersword slid into a pile of boar fecal matter.

As Walters lay prone, the toothless ork repeatedly slammed his head into the floor. The strength of the ork was unbelievable, after only a few hits Walters’ helmet was smashed and both eye lenses were shattered. Brother Walters tried to reach the ork on his back when a juicy thud removed the weight of the ork. Walters quickly spun around to see Inigo standing over him, thunder hammer in hand.

“Damn orks broke my helmet!” Brother Walters exclaimed as he unsecured and pried off his busted helmet.

Brother Inigo chuckled as he crushed the skull of a nearby wounded ork, much of the gore splattered the already filthy Son of Hades marine. “I apologize for not getting here sooner,” Inigo sarcastically responded, “but I’ve had many orks to crush.”

With a shake of his head Brother Walters stood up, his broken helmet still in hand. He looked around to see the Ice Angel unit had already moved ahead and only Brother Nefas stayed behind with Inigo and himself.

With a look of disgust, Brother Walters threw down his red and black helmet and began to search around for his weapons in the filth. “Damn Ice Angels, don’t even have the courtesy to assist a fellow marine! GAH!” he yelled and kicked the body of a dead ork.

Brother Nefas tilted his head and hissed a quiet response, “They have a mission to fulfill and I do not think you are meeting their standards.”

With a look of shock he stared at the gaunt Sinners marine. Brother Nefas stood motionless his custom bolter held casually in his hands. Suddenly Brother Inigo burst into laughter and slapped Walters in the back. “Come on Walters, lighten up! What would you expect from these Sons of Sanguinius? They just watched you get beat by a toothless ork!” He shouted and laughed as he walked towards the distant sound of bolter fire and chainsword motors.

Inigo had taken a few steps towards the door when Nefas reached down and pulled out a discarded power sword. “I believe this is yours.” He said as he held it hilt first towards the red and black marine. Walters slowly took the blade, all the while staring at the Sinners marine. “I don’t particularly care for your criticism, Sinner,” he said through gritted teeth.

Nefas turned and sauntered away, “I don’t particularly care for you, Red Talon.”

As Nefas left, Brother Walters looked around for his bolt pistol mumbling curses and complaints. When he finally found his bolt pistol the barrel was bent beyond repair. With a sigh he put it in its holster and looked around once more, “Emperor, why did I volunteer for this?” For a few seconds he stood hoping to hear a response, but per usual Brother Walters was left with only his thoughts and complaints.

sick!

Love the interaction between marines of varying points of view... nicely done Ice.

Great job loved it

Awesome.

Thanks guys!

Something I'd also like to add is that battle brother Lucifer has decided to do some of his own writing about one of my Ice Angels. Please check it out and give him some feedback.

Story of Deemethresi

A little back ground info, lucifer and I traded marines from the Great Marine Swap thread and Deemethresi was the marine I sent him.

You forgot to mention Reven was from me

In the wide metal corridor of the ork transport the sounds of battle were deafening. Motorized blades, rumbling engines, clashing weapons, and gun fire of all calibers betrayed the numbers of marines fending off the mass of orks and boars. Waves of orks had clashed with the Ice Angels led by Cyaxeres, but they were pushed back and back again, up until the true threat reached the battlefield.

“What are you doing Nefas?” Honored Brother Inigo shouted over his shoulder. Several yards behind him Brother Nefas was stacking several ork bodies on top of a hairy giant dead boar. Inigo side stepped a charging boar and close lined the rider before crushing the orks jugulars with a quick jab. The boar crashed into the pile of bodies before being systematically shot in the head by the silent Sinners marine.

As Nefas adjusted the recent boar body he paused to look at the gore covered Son of Hades marine, “Preparing.” was all he said before climbing up the pile of bodies.

Inigo was about to question the odd response when a tingle ran down his spine, he turned back down the ork filled corridor to see a fresh wave of boars round the corner, but this time the boars weren’t typical specimens. These boars were modified, wheels, treads, metal limbs, chain horns, built in guns, the modifications were astounding even to the hundred year old space marine. However it wasn’t their look that amazed him, it was the sound. The perfect combination of motors and snorts, grinding gears and hooves, the orks were shouting as well but the boars and their cybernetic parts were all Inigo could focus on. As the cyboars closed the gap the orks on foot parted to let them pass, not all of which made it out of the way, Brother Walters took the opportunity to move up next to the motionless Inigo.

“I do not feel good about this situation.” Walters said, “They appear to be well armored.”

“Then shoot them where they aren’t,” Nefas quipped. Walters moaned at the remark when Nefas quickly vaulted on top of the pile of bodies. “Keep them off of me Inigo” he added as he pulled out one of his special ammunition clips. Inigo gripped his thunder hammer tightly in both hands as he grinned. To his right the Uttuakki were digging in and Cyaxeres was shouting words that got the Ice Angels all fired up. The gap between the boars and marines was closing fast and as it did sound seemed to evaporate and time began to coalesce. Brother Nefas had reloaded his customer bolter and flipped several switches adjusting the settings before he leveled it with both hands. Sensing the oncoming command he began to fire the exact same instant Cyaxeres gave the order. The Ice Angels opened up attempting to slow the armored cybernetic boars, but none of the Angels were as effective as Brother Nefas. His special armor piercing rounds were not only going through orks and boars, they were also passing through weapons, armor, and even the floor. The amount of destruction in those first few seconds was amazing, but only the charging line in front of Nefas was truly effected by it. The cacophony of gun fire was soon replaced with the clash of weapons and bodies. The line quickly turned into pockets of marines fending off the massive boars and their green-skinned riders.

“FOR VULKAN!” Brother Inigo screamed as he swung his hammer up from the floor into the metal chin of an armored boar. Its back legs were a single wide wheel propelling it forward right into the motion of the charged hammer head. The impact knocked the boar back onto its rear wheel sending the ork backwards onto the chain horns of the next boar. As Brother Inigo brought the hammer back around Brother Walters slid onto his knees in front of Inigo and jabbed his powersword into the jowls of another oncoming boar. The powered blade tore out the boars neck but the ork rider swung what looked like a large wrench down at Brother Inigo hitting him in his massive shoulder pad, sparks and paint were sent flying into the air. Brother Inigo staggered backwards as the boar bled out and collapsed onto its surprised rider. Meanwhile, Brother Walters lept to his feet to punch at the next incoming boar. Inigo regained his footing and risked a glance back at Nefas who was silently standing on his pile of bodies, waiting.

Walters tumbled away from a boar with a spiked face plate as Inigo jumped over the plate to crash into the screaming boar boy. Inigo jammed the hilt of his hammer through the orks skull but the ork fell taking the reins to the side sending the boar careening away from Nefas’s pile of bodies towards a group of tactical marines. Brother Walters witnessed this from the corner of his eye as yet another boar approached, but this time the boar was covered head to hoof in metal. The armored ork wielded a massive pole arm with three chain blades whirling in different directions at the end, as the boar lowered its head to collide with the waiting space marine the ork screamed a war cry that shook the floor before swinging a horizontal swipe. With few options to him Brother Walters tumbled once again, barely leading the whirling chain blades and dodging the metal spikes of the mechanized boar.

When Walters stood back up the mechanized boar was face down in the pile of bodies beneath the feet of Nefas. The ork rider was screaming in rage and pulling himself out from under the armored boars body when Walters saw the gaping hole through the boars skull. Brother Nefas slowly lowered his bolter, steam and heat was wafting from several points along its body.

“I’m out” He said as he ejected the spent clip from his bolter.

The massive ork stood up clumsily as if he rarely was on his feet and swung his massive chained weapon at the Sinner marine. Brother Nefas back stepped and slid down the back side of his pile of bodies easily avoiding the swing but leaving Walters relatively alone with the massive ork. The ork was quite possibly one of the largest he had ever seen standing several feet taller then even Brother Inigo, its corded muscles twitched with excitement and hate, nevertheless Walters twirled his powersword and charged the back of the green monster. Surprisingly the ork spun and back handed him with enough force to send him flying further away from the closest marines.

Walters landed on his side and the force jarred his blade out of his hand. He rolled onto his back and grabbed a nearby ork axe when the whirling chain blades of the giant ork came down onto his out stretched arm. Walters grunted through the flare of pain when he pulled out his bolt pistol with his one remaining arm, at point blank he pointed the damaged weapon in hopes something would prevent his impeding doom. The remaining rounds shot out of the twisted barrel but not one hit the orks drooling face, the ork simply laughed and brought back his weapon. Black smoke belched out of the engines powering the chains as he revved the blades into even faster speeds, Brother Walters could do nothing to escape the orks wrath but scream in defiance.

Wide eyed he watched the triple chain blades descend towards him, he could smell the exhaust and feel the vibration through the air, he could almost feel the pain before he had been hit when a flash made him turn away. The sound of the engines filled his head as he opened his eyes, the chain blades were embedded into the floor right next to his head, the ork was screaming once again but this time in pain. One of the orks hands was nothing but a bloody stump, at Walters feet lay a sizzling thunder hammer. The ork turned in time to meet the charge of an enraged Honored Brother Inigo, even one handed the greenskin batted the space marine away, but Inigo would not be so easily stopped. He got back up and charged again just as a new black armored marine entered the scene. With an augmented scream from his skull helmet Cyaxeres thundered up to the massive ork. The ork managed to evade the first swing of his crozious and pull out an ork blade to block the next, as he did so Inigo came back to flank with a wide combat knife. Even one handed and surrounded the ork was a powerful foe, like a caged animal it lashed out to keep its enemies at bay. After one sloppy swing Inigo lunged forward jabbing his combat blade deep into his side, Cyaxeres followed suite mashing his crozious deep into the orks chest. Organs burst and bones shattered but still the ork bellowed. A wet thud finally silenced the ork and as the green monster toppled, Cyaxeres and Inigo looked upon a one armed Brother Walters holding a crackling thunder hammer.

please let me know if you find any errors, i wrote this and posted it with little editing, not bad for 45 minutes work!

Its good, but It seems strange to me because you used sizzling to describe the T hammer twice.

AH, good call Lucifer. It has been altered along with some other editing. I think it's much better now.

Cyaxeres reached out and grasped Walters’ good arm, “The Emperor is watching you Brother Walters.”

Brother Walters looked at his shattered arm and his discarded bolter lying on the ground, “The Emperor works in mysterious ways if he is.”

Without further words Cyaxeres turned away to check on injuries, the Uttuakki had pulled through with minor injuries but the tactical unit the guest marines were accompanying was down to only a few able bodies, the severely wounded were already heading back towards the train.

Walters peered down at the massive ork specimen he had slain, with a deep sigh he looked over at Inigo and meet his gaze. Inigo removed his helmet, his beard instantly filling out to make his head seem larger then it actually was. He grinned and held out his hand, Walters placed the thunder hammer in the waiting palm. Walters opened his mouth to speak; Inigo cocked his head as if he was listening attentively. “Thanks Inigo,” was all Walters said. With a chuckle Inigo patted Walters on the shoulder and gazed down at the massive body. After just a moment he saw the black armored Sinner marine approach. Without taking his gaze off of his brethren, Nefas pulled out one of his standard clips and reloaded his bolter. Walters wiped some of the ork gore from his exposed face, “something wrong Nefas?”

With a quizzical look Nefas stared at the damaged and beaten Red Talon marine, “I could have sworn you were going to die by fire,”

“What?” Inigo and Walters asked.

Nefas simply shrugged and stepped past the massive body towards the remaining three members of his tactical unit he was accompanying. Inigo rubbed his chin and looked at Walters and instead of speaking simply chuckled.

A sudden crack pierced the air, weapons were raised and Walters quick stepped over to his discarded power sword. Grots and snotlings began to run down the hall towards them, the cracking continued by ork shouts. Cyaxeres stepped forward ahead of the marines and pulled out a combat blade in his off hand, as he did every other marine did the same. The small green skinned creatures streamed forward like vermin in front of a brush fire, with terror in their eyes they attempted to assault the space marines and some attempted to run right past them. The marines slaughtered them. Cyaxeres began to push forward along with several members of the Uttuakki, Walters and Inigo did the same. The marines waded forward against the shin high torrent of miniscule creatures most of which couldn’t even harm the armored marines.

Walters jumped and landed on a handful of grots, he kicked and stabbed, punched and chopped, each motion ending the miserable life of his victims. Inigo wasn’t too far away his thunder hammer hitting the floor and sending dozens of them flying into the air screaming. After one particular impact a grot flew into the air and grabbed onto Walters shattered arm. With a quick jab he ran the little grot through. As the body slid down his blade a flash of metal caught his eye. He swung a low swing to momentarily give himself some room to see the floor. Spotting the grot body he noticed a small canister attached to the creatures body, without hesitation he spun and shoved Inigo with all of his might. Caught off guard by his brothers move, Inigo took several quick steps to keep from falling, he was mid turn when the first explosion rocked the hall way.

Several others quickly followed suite, the flames eviscerated and cleansed the hall way. A handful of marines were thrown to the side, Cyaxeres shield flared a brilliant blue, Inigo shielded his face but sections of his beard went up in smoke, when he lowered his arms he stared at the twisted body of Brother Walters. A distant ork cackle could be heard down the hall. Inigo stepped forward and knelt before the body of his lost brother. Cyaxeres and Nefas were soon by his side.

“He jumped on the bomb,” Inigo whispered.

With a mental thought Cyaxeres crozious thrummed with power, “We will avenge him,”

“NO!” Inigo shouted. He turned to look up at the skull mask of the chaplain, hatred in his eyes and smoke coming off his beard, “I will avenge him.”

Inigo carefully closed the eyes of Brother Walters and took one final glance before standing up. He nodded to Cyaxeres who returned the nod, the chaplain raised his crozious, and all the marines took off down the hall with only vengeance in mind.

All but one….

Nefas stalked up to the body and looked at the marine; he knelt down and rubbed some of Walters burnt flesh with his black gauntlet. “I hope the God Emperor finds you worthy, Red Talon.” Nefas smeared the ashy flesh across his helmet, just below his left eye. “You lasted longer then expected.”

Nefas stood up and stepped away from the body, “We will meet again” he whispered as he hustled to catch up to the other marines.

Epic.
I can't wait for the next update

Also, a bit ot, but Ice, you should totally do an 'armies on parade' with the Ice Angels and the GMS marines! Imaginne the epicness. ( I should go tell gits as well)
Edit: derp, post count is 2112

So, you going to take the Walters figure and blow it up??

*grin*

Good tale my friend.

Gitsplitta wrote:So, you going to take the Walters figure and blow it up??

*grin*

Good tale my friend.

I hadn't planned on blowing up any of my marines, interesting thought though.

Glad you guys like my story.

As for the Armies on Parade, I'd have to have a cool piece of terrain to do so. If anything I'll finish up my Astral Claws and take a snapshot of that on the display base I'll be making for Adepticon!
l

I saw that, but theres no offical GW store anywhere near here so I'm not worried about it.

Can't you take a picture and submit that?

by the way, i just reread and did some editing on my latest story post. I like the way it turned out. Nefas is getting cooler and cooler.

I suppose, but that would defeat the purpose woudn't it? Thought the point was to have all the armies there on parade... not just phoned in so-to-speak.

Alright, it's time for some feedback.

Who is your favorite character and why? Who would you like me to write more about?

Inushi!

(LOL, didn't see that one coming did you?)


I miss some of the original Ice Angels actually... much as it is fun to read the antics of all the GMS marines.

I want to see whats happening back in space. Aren't there groups of GMS marines, or am I mistaken?

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:I want to see whats happening back in space. Aren't there groups of GMS marines, or am I mistaken?

The GMS guys are spread throughout the Ice Angels. Which guy is your favorite Lucifer?

Any one else want to throw in on this one?

I like dude with big ass hammer. I however suck minis names, so that is his name in my head. And Pyrox, cuz hes a bamf.

whalemusic360 wrote:I like dude with big ass hammer. I however suck minis names, so that is his name in my head. And Pyrox, cuz hes a bamf.

Inigo is the hammer guy. Pyrox is totally a bamf. He turned out nice.

For my choices I think I would have to go with Desai and Nefas from the GMS, and Bel Uri from the Ice Angels.

Revan and Nefas.

(a little ot, but I am making a Badab War diorama with one marine of every chapter)

I also like Deasi and Nefas. I also like the chaplains in your story. I don't recall the character's name and that he doesn't come up very much, but whenever he does Ireally like the way he talks. Def the scene where he explains about the black rage to my GMS model.

battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Revan and Nefas.

(a little ot, but I am making a Badab War diorama with one marine of every chapter)

Yeah I saw that on another thread, that will be cool.

Sageheart wrote:I also like Deasi and Nefas. I also like the chaplains in your story. I don't recall the character's name and that he doesn't come up very much, but whenever he does Ireally like the way he talks. Def the scene where he explains about the black rage to my GMS model.

Cyaxeres is the chaplain. I spent a lot of time on that scene, I'm glad you like it. I felt that the definition of the ice angels view on the black rage was very important to help define the chapter. It certainly helps describe many other blood angel chapters.

Looking forward to the next update

Cyaxeres, now i recall the name since you pointed it out. I really like that character, would love to see more of him as well as the story goes on.

Brother Jaska slowly walked around the Ice Angel position, his ancient green eyes observing a tactical squad, Unit Rah-Apsu holding their position. The hull of the ork vessel was layers and layers of armor plating, but the surface looked more akin to a junk yard with pipes, damaged armor, and random bolted down machines. After the train had connected the two vessels several mobs had assaulted their position but the hull was now occupied only by the marines and corpses, even in space the battle was quiet, the battle was now raging only within. A shadow passed over his position which made Jaska look over his shoulder, another car of the train was docking, bringing the train up to five cars all together.

“I didn’t know chapters still used boarding trains until earlier today.” a voice said with a clear tone of disgust.

Jaska didn’t have to look to know who it was that was speaking, only one marine could sound that condescending. Jaska closed his eyes and took a deep breathe of the cool air his suit was providing. A red armored marine stood a short distance away but because of the vox he sounded as if he was within arms reach.

“Torpedoes are what are typically used and recommended.” Brother Kvothe said. “Fast, brutal, but more importantly they do not risk the larger space bound vessel.”

Memories of boarding missions and tactical plans crossed his mind at the mention of boarding torpedoes. “but they aren’t nearly as armored,” Jaska whispered as one particular nightmare was brought back to life.

Kvothe began to walk towards Jaska, as if being closer would emphasis any point he was about to make. As if his chapters honor was on the line Kvothe spout out research and debates on why torpedoes should be used instead of the boarding trains but Jaska didn’t hear a single word of it.

Brother Jaska continued to think about other things until the continuous droning of Kvothe stopped, the silence creeping into his helm like a cool night’s breeze. He slowly turned his head towards Kvothe, oblivious to what he had last said, “Do you know why the Ice Angels use boarding trains?”

Kvothe tilted his head slightly at the question, his dark blue helm reflecting some of the star light. “No, but I’m sure you will tell me,” he responded with a sigh.

Jaska looked back at the armored train embedded in the ork hull. He looked up at the five cars stretching out into space like a misplaced tower and then to the motionless form of the Frozen Rage. After a moment of thought he once again regarded the red armored marine next to him, Brother Kvothe was highly decorated with a purple tabard and a plethora of ribbons, terminator honors, and an inquisition badge, his meltagun was magnetized to his side ready to deal death at a moments notice.

“Efficiency, Brother Kvothe,” Jaska responded before looking back towards the Ice Angels and continuing to patrol.

Kvothe began to respond but Jaska quickly cut him off with his calming deep voice, “How many times can you fire the same boarding torpedo?”

“Once.”

“How many torpedos would you have to fire to transport the same number of men as we have today?”

“Well that would depend on the size…..”

“Kvothe…” Jaska quietly said, but his voice wouldn’t penetrate the words coming out of Kvothe’s tireless jaw.

“….. and further more…” Kvothe finally trailed off as Jaska turned his back to once again regard the train.

Without looking back Jaska smiled at the silence, “Are you familiar with boarding train designs?”

“Only those stated in the Codex Astartes, the ones of ancient designs that are deemed unfit for…..”

“Kvothe!” He interrupted while turning around, “Does that look anything like one of the boarding trains you’ve ever seen before?”

The Shadow Sanctus marine stared at the towering transport device and noticed how different it was from any he had ever seen or read about, not only in design but sheer size. The massive transport was covered with armored plates attached with elaborate suspension systems to absorb and deflect explosions and fire, it also had dozens of propulsion systems to steer itself during its travels through space, this wasn’t a simple armored drop pod on a chain like the originals. Kvothe’s gaze soon followed up the massive cable and when he saw the Frozen Rage his enhanced vision regarded the rows of doors that most likely held boarding torpedoes, instead of honoring Jaska with a response he instead began to watch a contingent of Tundra Foxes moving out onto the hull to hold the marine position. Both marines stood in silence as the guardsman began to bring out gun emplacements, finally a message came across their HUDs.


“Ah, change of plans Brother Kvothe we will finish this debate later.” Jaska spoke while drawing his plasma pistol and adjusting a setting, Brother Kvothe nodded his head in agreement before heading over to their new way point.

I like it, the arguement works well here, it gives more to the chapter as well as to the two characters. well done.

Like the interplay between characters. Would be helpful if the differences in the trains, or at least the main ones... were pointed out in the argument for the rest of us to understand.

Shouldn't you be painting orange?

Gitsplitta wrote:Like the interplay between characters. Would be helpful if the differences in the trains, or at least the main ones... were pointed out in the argument for the rest of us to understand.

Thats a good idea, I will go back and do a little updating, on that. Good suggestion!

Sageheart wrote:I like it, the arguement works well here, it gives more to the chapter as well as to the two characters. well done.

Thanks Sage, that was what I was ultimately shooting for.

whalemusic360 wrote:Shouldn't you be painting orange?

LMAO, check my WIP blog, I updated that one as well.

Just wanted to say excellent story Ice. Been reading through it the last few days when i have spare time and its one of the best I've read.

Malkizor wrote:Just wanted to say excellent story Ice. Been reading through it the last few days when i have spare time and its one of the best I've read.

Thanks man! I'm glad you like it. Please let me know if you find any errors or have any suggestions.

Gitsplitta wrote:Like the interplay between characters. Would be helpful if the differences in the trains, or at least the main ones... were pointed out in the argument for the rest of us to understand.

Hey Git, I went back and did a little more train describing, let me know if that helps.

Thanks Ice, I'll go back and check it out!


Edit:

Yep, that helps considerably.

subscribing to this.
your story telling is excellent IceAngel.
defintley up there with the BL crew.

Look forward to the next installment

Nathan_D wrote:subscribing to this.
your story telling is excellent IceAngel.
defintley up there with the BL crew.

Look forward to the next installment

Thanks Nathan_D! I will give you a heads up though, I am frantically working on another project before I come back to my writing. Expect another installment sometime in April I would imagine.

Nice to hear I'm not the only one putting other things on hold for the April 1st deadline...

IceAngel wrote:

Nathan_D wrote:subscribing to this.
your story telling is excellent IceAngel.
defintley up there with the BL crew.

Look forward to the next installment

Thanks Nathan_D! I will give you a heads up though, I am frantically working on another project before I come back to my writing. Expect another installment sometime in April I would imagine.

I think i can just about wait that long. i wait with baited breath.

april is so far away though..

Damn you April!!! hurry up! lol
this is a really good story though Ice, well done cant wait to see hear it all turns out, o and good luck for getting ready for Adepticon

Sageheart wrote:april is so far away though..

Revenent Reiko wrote:Damn you April!!! hurry up! lol
this is a really good story though Ice, well done cant wait to see hear it all turns out, o and good luck for getting ready for Adepticon

Thanks Revenent, I'm glad you enjoy my fluff. I will certainly let you know how Adepticon goes.

Try to stay positive guys, April isn't that far away!

Looks great!

Right then Ice, April is here, wheres my update?
haha only kidding, ive seen on Gits' blog that you guys had a blast, and im following your team thread for more pics and updates, well done to all of you, the Wardens look great! (if you do get a score card or something, im sure im not the only one who wants to know about the discrepancies with the painting scores
cant wait to see how the rest of this story unfolds, and how the Ice Angels (and friends) kick the Xenos scums collective

Revenent Reiko wrote:Right then Ice, April is here, wheres my update?
haha only kidding, ive seen on Gits' blog that you guys had a blast, and im following your team thread for more pics and updates, well done to all of you, the Wardens look great! (if you do get a score card or something, im sure im not the only one who wants to know about the discrepancies with the painting scores
cant wait to see how the rest of this story unfolds, and how the Ice Angels (and friends) kick the Xenos scums collective

Thanks Revenent! I am working on the next update along with a couple other small random things so you'll have more Ice Angel action soon enough.

IceAngel wrote:

Revenent Reiko wrote:Right then Ice, April is here, wheres my update?
haha only kidding, ive seen on Gits' blog that you guys had a blast, and im following your team thread for more pics and updates, well done to all of you, the Wardens look great! (if you do get a score card or something, im sure im not the only one who wants to know about the discrepancies with the painting scores
cant wait to see how the rest of this story unfolds, and how the Ice Angels (and friends) kick the Xenos scums collective

Thanks Revenent! I am working on the next update along with a couple other small random things so you'll have more Ice Angel action soon enough.

Yay! cant wait man!

Sorry I haven't posted any new story yet but I would like to pose a question to those who've read my fluff.

If my story were a book, what would it be called? I realized that I never really named this tale. As I work on others I've been organizing some of my other writings and this one is just labeled as Ice Angel Fluff.

Ice! My God, you still live? ( )
only kidding man, i do still require more fluff from you though, highly disappointed lol
As to a name, the first thing that springs to mind is 'Blood and Ice', but im not sold on that just yet. TBH 'Ice Angels' is fairly appropriate, and as a bonus it works as a title.

"Death by Snu Snu!"

"Blood runs cold" or "Frozen Redemption" both sound appropriate to me.

Make it interesting, but ominous, like...

"Frozen Rage" or something

Revenent Reiko wrote:Ice! My God, you still live? ( )
only kidding man, i do still require more fluff from you though, highly disappointed lol
As to a name, the first thing that springs to mind is 'Blood and Ice', but im not sold on that just yet. TBH 'Ice Angels' is fairly appropriate, and as a bonus it works as a title.

Sorry to disappoint but I promise to continue my fluff as soon as other projects are completed. I do like Blood and Ice as a title though.

Gitsplitta wrote:"Death by Snu Snu!"

lol, i am not sure what that is but it is fun to say.

whalemusic360 wrote:"Blood runs cold" or "Frozen Redemption" both sound appropriate to me.

I do like Frozen Redemption. Good suggestion!

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Make it interesting, but ominous, like...

"Frozen Rage" or something

Frozen Rage is great, but that is the name of the vessel the Ice Angels are traveling on. I do really like the symbolism though, if you think about how the death company are dealt with. That could be a great sequel story if I had more focus on the death company.

Whoops. Knew it sounded familiar

Also, it could be a name of a short prequel, as well

IceAngel wrote:

Gitsplitta wrote:"Death by Snu Snu!"

lol, i am not sure what that is but it is fun to say.

It's taken from a Futurama episode which in turn took it from a very old dirty joke. :-)

It's 'Amazon Women in the Mood' form Futurama as Gits said.
No worries man, i do understand RL getting in the way (final year exams atm, so trust me, i KNOW ).
Glad you like the title idea, 'Of BLood and Ice' might work as well (to continue the theme as it were).

The plan was simple, its execution was precise. The engineering area of the ship was already under firm Ice Angel control. The remaining fight only lay near the bow of the ship between Razzik and the cornered ork captain.

In the engineering room Brother Shu-Takii had already begun taking apart and adjusting some of the controls the orks had been using. Everything in the room was painted a different shade of red and on the floor was a huge metal grin. The remnants of squad Kujara were posted around the room, several were moving ork bodies while others were guarding the entrance. Brother Nefas sat away from them all in a dark corner watching and listening while waiting for his bolter to cool down. On the inside of the nearest bulk head stood Honored Brother Inigo with his eyes closed. His beard was partially burned away and his armor was doused in blood from orks and other creatures. He leaned forward on the haft of his hammer, the head of the mighty weapon laying level on the floor. The pulsing energy that the weapon discharged had cleansed the weapons head of ichor but now that the energy had dissipated the scratches and damage could be easily seen.

As Nefas examined Inigo from afar he realized just how similar the weapon was to the marine. The battle fury had left him, the moment of near life and death had passed. Now he stood sentinel, a monument to the empire, a living engine of destruction waiting for its next use.

A deep sigh escaped the sentinel marine and slowly, he opened his eyes. With one massive gray gauntlet he scratched his chin and reexamined his surroundings. When he caught the eye of Brother Nefas his mouth went back to its nearly perpetual smiling position. The Son of Hades picked up his massive hammer and walked towards the shadowed corner.

With a muffled thud the hammer once again hit the floor only a few inches from Brother Nefas. The bearded giant leaned forward and smiled at the black armored Sinner.

“What?” Brother Inigo chuckled.

Nefas unclasped his helm and removed the only white and silver piece of armor that he wore. His gaunt features the opposite of the marine in front of him. Nefas looked down at the smear on his helmet. “I have only known you for a short time, but until a moment ago, I had only ever seen you smile. Is that a Sons of Hades trait, or just you?” he spoke quietly.

His words hung in the air between the two marines, after a few moments Inigo chuckled once again. “Sons of Hades are from a series of worlds full of smoke and fire, hammers and echoes. In those filthy dark places you learn to fight, to survive, and to never give in! That is not only the trait of the Sons of Hades, but of Vulkan.” His smile grew wider at the mention of his primarch. “As for the smiling, that’s all me,” his grin widen until its corners were hidden beneath his shaggy beard.

The pale features of Nefas turned for a moment into amusement before Brother Inigo spoke again. “Only when I pray does my smile evade me.”

“I too, do not smile when I pray” Nefas began.

“HA! So you never smile then?” Inigo bellowed.

Nefas looked past Brother Inigo and paused, “I will when my job is done and I stand before the Emperor.” His quite voice was nearly lost in Inigo’s response.

“Then I will pray for the Emperor to be prepared for your visit!” he nudged a gauntlet against the armored shoulder pad of Nefas. With that gesture he turned and began to assist the Ice Angels with their clean up, laughing and chatting with the other marines as he did.

Nefas watched from the shadowed corner and wondered when that day would come. He still had so much to do.

nice! great to see some more awesome writing!

Really like that Ice... well done!

Great work Ice, nice to see the excellent Ice Angles fluff hasnt been forgotten

Thanks guys! I have some good stuff coming up I think you will all enjoy. I think I am also going to set a goal for myself for writing and posting. I don't know what that goal will be but I may declare Thursday to be, Fluffy Thursdays or something like that.

With a satisfying crunch the orks skull caved in between his electrically charged fingers. As the greenskins brain matter splattered across the floor and his boot, Captain Razzik looked up at the fleeing orks. Casually he threw aside the remnants of the orks head and walked down the hall. Ahead of him Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears was tearing off a screaming orks arm before silencing him with the razor bottom edge of his shield. Hunzuu was next to Vetov reloading his handflamer while watching the orks turn and flee.

All around Razzik the Ice Angels were finishing off their kills and preparing for the next onslaught. No orders needed to be given, only the wounded were speaking as they reported their injuries to their superiors. After only a few minutes the capable marines were moving on, only Attikusu the Sanguinary Priest and his “honor” guard stayed behind dealing with the wounded.

In these moments in between battle Razzik would filter through reports of his units and squads. Blink clicking through submenus he would learn who was still fully functional, missing, wounded, or in the Emperors Grace. Several units were well below half strength including his old unit the Ashurbani. Attikusu now had nearly twenty marines around him that had all suffered grievous wounds. Before moving out Razzik looked back at the white armored Sanguinary Priest, his twin power scimitars were strapped on his back and he was removing the prized gene seed from one of the fallen. In a protective circle were his “honor” guard, those blessed with life yet taken from the front lines, several of which were missing limbs. One marine was drenched in so much gore and blood Razzik didn’t recognize him from this distance, but in the marines one arm he still held a bolter ready to dispense death as only an astartes could.

Razzik’s gaze dwelled on the one armed marine for another second before returning to the task at hand. One final push and this ship would be his. The orks would pay for the wounded and when he was done the dark eldar would pay for the death of Ruusa. Razzik began to grind his teeth at the thought of dispensing judgment on the xenos that he so hated. In a blur of ocular motion he issued orders. Two of the smaller units immediately pushed forward along the sides of the wide hall. After seven seconds Razzik took a step forward along with thirty other marines. They could have walked shoulder to shoulder in the hall but they took up a standard assault formation formed around the front point marine, Captain Razzik.

The hall would take them to the bridge of the vessel but he knew there was another threat still lurking in this metal behemoth. At the thought of fighting the ork weird boyz he felt a slight wave of heat pass over him, as if an inferno had passed over his head. He concentrated on the sensation when a forward unit reported an ork assault as bolt fire echoed around the curve of the hall.

The Ice Angels ran forward to join their brethren. In seconds they passed through a large blast door and saw the two small units of marines by opposite walls fending off a growing wave of greenskins. A huge green armored Nob several heads taller then any space marine was pointing and shouting orders, at the sight of the thirty marines running towards him he smiled a wide grin. His curved yellow teeth were the size of combat blades and when his grin turned to a snarl the horde of greenskins had an instant change of demeanor.

Razzik tingled at the unspoken challenge from the green armored ork and as he plotted his first few moves he closed the distance between them. Five paces away the ork howled, his deep voice a powerful surge of sound, “SNEAKY GITS!!!!!!!!!”

As the Ice Angel Captain deflected the first of the long armored punches from the ork, the marines around him opened fire. Several ranks of orks were laid flat by the fire, some of the more powerful weapons took out multiple orks at once, but in those few seconds their focused fire was on their forward flank. When the rear guard of the angels saw the orks emerging from side doors it was too late to stop them. The floor shook as several small devices exploded. The huge blast door behind them didn’t hesitate to drop into the floor as its supporting chains were shredded by the explosion. The metal floor rippled from the impact of the giant doors and through it all Captain Razzik relentlessly attacked the ork in front of him. The nob wore a kind of chainmail with heavy armor along his arms. The charged fists of the greenskin were bigger then a marine’s head and on several occasions Razzik could hear the ork chuckle as the captain narrowly avoided every attack.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Attikusu, the sanguinary priest, carefully removed the geneseed from the last of the fallen. With a prayer on his lips he tapped several buttons on his narthecium attached to his wrist, the small device traveled up his left arm into his shoulder pad. The precious geneseed was then locked away in a near impenetrable compartment on his back. Attikusu stood and bowed his head as he looked down at the most recently lost battle brother.

As he looked around at the fallen marines, the nearest living marines bowed their heads in silent respect as they always did. Attikusu was about to speak when a distant crash made every living marine in the hall look down its length. An eerie silence filled the wide body strewn space. A tingle started at his toes and slowly trickled up his body, Attikusu took several steps forward. Each marine pointed their weapons in various angles waiting, something was wrong.

Only Attikusu was moving, the white armored Priest took several more steps before coming to the edge of the loose defensive circle. The twenty marines stood sentinel when a wave of heat seemed to reach them and dissipate. Ahead of them a crackle of energy tore through reality. The marines all bore their weapons waiting for a target when a blinding flash of light gave them pause. Where there was open area, now stood a mob of orks. Their face paint and colorful armor a stark contrast to the solid black armor of the Ice Angels. In the center of their midst was a small group of misshapen orks, their bodies coursed with energy that appeared to jump from ork to ork. In unison the energized orks shouted, light poured out of their eyes and mouths.

The Ice Angels opened fire. Attikusu calmly watched the orks as he pulled out from behind his back, two long slightly curved power scimitars. He stepped to his side and looked at his enemies over his right shoulder.

Over the roar of guns and crackle of energy he pointed one of his scimitars and shouted, “BLOOD FOR BLOOD! MAKE THEM PAY FOR THE FALLEN!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Around Razzik and the green armored nob, there was a near continuous blizzard of blood and limbs. The rear unit of Ice Angels had pushed back towards the fallen door and flanking orks. They had contained them in the side hall ways and Razzik smiled behind his helmet as the ranks seemed to thin out in front of him behind the nob.

His smile didn’t last long when several urgent reports came in and Attikusu’s bluish signal began to blink in his HUD. The realization of what had occurred startled him and for a moment he backed off the ork. The nob, however, didn’t give any ground. In fact he bull rushed the shielded space marine. Razzik hid behind his shield but was soon knocked over onto his back as the ork used his bulk to throw him down. Razzik grunted as he slammed into the flooring. The ork pushed his advantage and knelt over the prone marine. An armored green fist came down the moment Razzik punched back and their two hands collided knuckle to knuckle. The two powerfists met with an explosion of energy and light. They repelled one another with such a force that the ork stood back up and turned side ways. Razzik blinked away the pain and brought up his shield as the ork brought down the same fist once again. His shield crumpled under the pounding and soon his left arm was holding what looked like a deformed piece of scrap metal.

For a brief moment the pounding stopped, Razzik tossed aside his shield just before he saw the ork jump into the air. The giant treaded boots of the ork came down on top of Razzik. His triple lungs screamed in pain as they ceased to have room to function, the crushed breast plate was the only thing keeping him alive under the orks bulky form.

Razzik stabbed at the armed boots with his knife to no avail. His powerfist had also ceased to function. He continued to flail at the legs of the ork but could only watch the ork scream and yell as the pain grew stronger and stronger. Razzik closed his eyes as a scream attempted to flee his lips.

A sudden shift in weight allowed him a take a deep breathe. Commander Vetov had launched himself at the ork. The green armored behemoth had pivoted on Razziks chest in order to knock the marine aside. Several other marines had also stepped up to fire point blank, staying just out of reach as they fired. In seconds nearly a dozen bolt weapons were firing at the creature. Sergeant Hunzuu stepped up and unleashed his hand flamer up into the face of the ork. The nob continued to scream its hatred as its flesh began to melt off its face. As the burning creature stepped off of Razzik the Ice Angels pounced. Chainblades, power weapons, fists, and knifes struck at the ork. Hunzuu, was battered aside and two other marines took powerful hits from the ork before it finally succumbed to its wounds.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The nearest marine screamed a short burst of agony before collapsing onto the floor, his burnt husk smoking like freshly cooked meat. Attikusu danced away to his side taking the head off an ork with graceful ease as he passed. The orks were abnormally powerful from the weirdboyz presence and against the weakened marines the battle was going poorly. Attikusu fully concentrated on his dance knowing full well that the marines he had spent so much time keeping alive were dying around him. His anger was eating at the edge of his focus.

A one armed, gore covered, marine slid across the floor towards him on his knees, from a near prone position he blew the face off an ork attempting to engage Attikusu. The white priest returned the favor and twirled over the prone marine and sliced the chest open of another ork with both swords.

“We must kill those psykers!” the one armed marine shouted as he awkwardly reloaded with one hand, using the body of an ork to prop up his gun. Attikusu quick stepped over to another ork and lopped off his leg before he could take the life from another prone marine, Attikusu continued to move from ork to ork dancing and leaping through the air. He was trying to get closer to the psykers, when a small group of orks rushed him simultaneously. He danced away trying to stall long enough to determine how to best kill them, when a nearby explosion showered him in gore. Attikusu didn’t blink or pause; he took the moment to slash out with his powered blades. They easily cut through armor and flesh. The priest’s sixth sense tingled and he dove to the side. A column of light passed through where he was just standing to eviscerate one of the orks. An ork weird boy screamed in anger and it seemed to charge him with even more power. He pointed out a crooked finger when his hand began to glow with renewed energy.

As the power built within him a red chainsword flew through the air into the orks gut. The teeth of the blade continued to whir and like a bloody fountain it burrowed itself into the orks flesh. With energy augmented screams the power built up inside the dying ork until it was too much. The weakened ork exploded and the sudden evacuation of power took out several of the nearby weird boyz.

A beam of light from a side hall way passed through another weird boyz face. Attikusu sliced open three more orks before he saw who was assisting his wounded force. Brother Reven was firing his smoking plasma pistol as the gray armored Pyrox tore the arms of a standing ork. Thukoo was aiming his lascannon as Kuri shot into the flanks of the orks.

The small group of four marines took out the unprotected psychers before the other orks had realized they were being flanked. As the last psykers fell the remaining orks turned and fled. Attikusu nodded his gratitude towards the guest marines and their fortunate timing as he put away his swords. He looked down once again at the fallen marines, with a sigh the narthecium slid back down his arm.

Awesome! It's refreshing to see people sticking to their stories, and you've done a great job. Keep it coming!

Very well done Ice! Gripping action!

The marines around Razzik were once again marching down the hall towards the bridge. Relief passed over Razzik when Attikusu’s symbol abruptly stopped throbbing and returned to a positive battle status. A stack of picture icons appeared along the top rim of his HUD, a few blink clicks later and he witnessed the carnage that Attikusu had just lived through. While thinking back to the “honor” guard he had left with Attikusu, Razzik shook his head.

“The Emperor Protects” he quietly spoke to himself.

“The Emperor Protects” Vetov echoed.

Razzik hadn’t realized that the marine from the Emperor’s Tears chapter was marching right beside him. The quartered black and blue armor of Vetov was battle damaged and dirty, the bottom half of his storm shield was dripping in orkish blood.

As the marines rounded a corner Razzik spoke to Vetov. “Your assistance against that nob was most appreciated.”

“I didn’t think I would get the opportunity to assist you so soon.” Vetov hesitated, “I didn’t realize how reckless you would fight against these orks.”

Razzik shot Vetov a glare, but didn’t speak. He knew what the Tear was getting at. Razzik was a tactical expert and that last fight had left a sour taste in his mouth. A nob had nearly killed him because he recklessly assaulted the ork alone. Meanwhile a secondary unit had assault his Priest. Within seconds a dozen other strategies passed through his mind, Razzik nearly stopped moving at the realization of how he had acted further sank in.

A private vox channel opened between the two marines, “Thank you for your bluntness Vetov. I didn’t realize how much my anger has clouded by vision.”

There was a moment of silence between them as the group of marines came to another hall way that opened to their left. The bridge was just around the corner. “This is not how I…” Razzik started.

“I know.” Vetov interrupted.

The entire group of marines paused at the intersection as the rumble of a vehicle began to shake the floor. The screams of orks grew louder and a panicked mob of greenskins ran around the corner at them. The Ice Angels murdered them with bolter fire as the black form of a vindicator tank drove from their left and slammed into a wall in front of them. A dozen orks were pulverized in the collision.

The top hatch flew open as the white helm of Timigiratee poked out from the vindicator, called the Crystalfist. “The Bridge is clear, sir!”

Razzik gave the marine a quizzical look, “How did you get into the bridge?”

The question seemed to throw the gunner off guard, “As you ordered Captain.”

“I didn’t order you to storm the bridge with a vindicator?! Who went with you?!” Razzik was both agitated and curious at the thought.

“Inushi, Aquilum, Jaska, and Kvothe, sir.” He responded without hesitation.

Before the gunner of the Crystalfist had finished his short sentence Razzik was storming past the vindicator towards the bridge, the other marines quickly followed. When the last one passed, the vindicator backed up slightly and turned 180 degrees. It then followed behind the marines leaving a trail of smeared ork parts.

LOL! Love that last bit between the Vindi driver & Razzik. :-)

prime12357 wrote:Awesome! It's refreshing to see people sticking to their stories, and you've done a great job. Keep it coming!

Thanks prime12357! I have been in a writing mood lately so I have a feeling you'll be seeing some updates in the near future. Thanks for the post.

Gitsplitta wrote:LOL! Love that last bit between the Vindi driver & Razzik. :-)

In the back of my mind I wrote that last bit for the sole purpose of wanting to have a vindicator crushing some orks inside a space ship. The rest I had to make up to give it at least some purpose, lol.

Hey Ice,

I finally finished all your stories, I know i've PM'd you about most of it, so I thought I would post here about the rest.

Shattermantle is a totally awesome name.
I would think that a hulk hitting the planet would do more than damage in habitants, what happened to the ecosystem?

Brother Frank, awesome. need to hear more from him!

I felt that in the first Rok incursion there wasn't enough orks about, my understanding was roks teemed with Orks

Bursting into the room was interesting, the way I understood the words they were in a corridor which wasn't very wide how did they break the door down without getting in each others way?

I Really like the Ork descriptions of the vehicles the Thunderhawk in particular

One missile to destroy them all? I could imagine a full barrage doing so, that's just my opinion though

I would have done a lead in about the Sacred blade on the marines thigh/leg, as I had no context about is so I wasn't entirly sure what its purpose was

The marine Rocket jumping = win

Blown away by the inqistor section, fantastic. the abuse of power took me back to my time in the military.

I had a great laugh at space boars!

Not a fan of the word murder, dispatched, killed would be better (again my opinion)

Would the grot in the shoulder bubble of the deff dread have been sucked out into space.. through the bullet hole?

On a side note, how did the snotlings survive in space in the back of the Vindicator?

One of the best lines ever

Why did you follow me?

I have no idea...

brilliant.


*subbed*

Oh man Knightley, where to begin. First of all thanks for sticking with it and reading it all! I like the short notes about certain sections too.

Shattermantle is a totally awesome name. I would think that a hulk hitting the planet would do more than damage in habitants, what happened to the ecosystem

I never really went into detail about the ecosystem of Shattermantle before the collision but I imagined that anything on the surface was killed, only those eco systems that functioned underground and in the hive/tunnel systems would have survived. So only the areas that the humans had managed to save would have survived the collision.

Brother Frank, awesome. need to hear more from him

I have a feeling you may get to see him again.

I felt that in the first Rok incursion there wasn't enough orks about, my understanding was roks teemed with Orks

When the Ice Angels infiltrated the rokk it was near the tail end of that particular series of battles so most of the orks had already been deposited on the planet or killed else where. The Ice Angels were essentially on clean up duty getting rid of the last few remaining rokks before leaving the system.

Bursting into the room was interesting, the way I understood the words they were in a corridor which wasn't very wide how did they break the door down without getting in each others way?

I will have to go back and do some clarification on this one. Actually, I should really go back and update a lot of my older posts.

I would have done a lead in about the Sacred blade on the marines thigh/leg, as I had no context about is so I wasn't entirly sure what its purpose was

lol, this particular sequence was written for the sole purpose of practicing my action scenes. The sacred blade was just something that felt like needed to be there. Adding random details like that give me lots of options of things to revisit later. Sometimes they have a direct purpose, other times they are added just to add a bit more depth. At the beginning he is just a foot soldier, by the end you learn he has a troubled past, he has some darkness behind him.

The marine Rocket jumping = win

Blown away by the inqistor section, fantastic. the abuse of power took me back to my time in the military.

I had a great laugh at space boars!

Thanks! I especially like the boars as well.

Not a fan of the word murder, dispatched, killed would be better (again my opinion)

I try to use a variety of words to describe the act of killing. Each of those words brings on different emotions, dispatched is what Ice Angels do most of the time. It sounds simple and cold. Killing sounds a bit more basic. Murder........ That is done with emotion behind it. If you kill someone there is most likely a variety of reasons behind it, where as with murder it is usually hatred, anger, jealously. I don't remember where exactly I used murder in my story but I hope it pointed to the fact that whomever was doing the murdering did it passionately.

Would the grot in the shoulder bubble of the deff dread have been sucked out into space.. through the bullet hole?

If there was a bullet hole, most likely. I may have to revisit that section. Good eye!

On a side note, how did the snotlings survive in space in the back of the Vindicator?

The back of the vindicator is encased, there is atmosphere inside the vehicle. At least until the crew open it up to the zero gravity, then they all died.

One of the best lines ever

Why did you follow me?

I have no idea...

brilliant.

Sometimes the story writes itself and in that instant that's what I heard Inushi saying in my head.

If that is as far as you've gotten so far Knightley you still have some more to go! I can't wait for your next stack of responses, please keep them coming!

In under a minute Captain Razzik rounded the final corner to the bridge. During the 49 seconds it took him to arrive he thought about what needed to be asked and what should be done. The punishment for falsifying orders was steep but this wasn’t done by one of his marines. Or was it? Captain Razzik more then ever wished Cyaxeres or Ruusa was with him so he may ask for their opinions, but he didn’t have that luxury at the moment.

As Razzik strode onto the bridge he was met by the salute of the four guest marines. The floor was riddled with bodies and as Razzik took in the scene he envisioned each of the marine’s path. According to the kills Inushi, with his long power sword, had moved left taking out four orks before sending his sword through the seat of another ork now crumpled on the floor next to a dimly lit screen. Jaska had moved right firing his plasma pistol at orks near the rear of room while tearing through two orks and beheading a third, the splatter patterns gave away the chainsword kills.

In the center of the room laid the largest corpse, next to it stood Aquilum, but as Razzik approached he saw the wound that had slain the creature. It wasn’t from Aquilum’s fist or storm bolter but from Brother Kvothe’s meltagun. Razzik looked down through the ork’s skull, then to the rear wall of the room. The perfect shot had passed through the ork and into the back wall between two large screens.

Razzik looked at each marine in turn before he turned back to the Ice Angels at the door. ‘Combat squads, clear the area’ he issued as he sent an update to Philosir, Cyaxeres, Seluku, and Attikusu. Sergeant Hunzuu and the other officers nodded and turned, they broke into smaller units and began to search for enemies.

As the last Ice Angel left the room he returned his focus to the guest marines that hadn’t moved. Jaska stood proud, his dark red armor still dripping from ork splatter. Aquilum removed his own helmet and spoke as he did, ‘Excellent strategy Captain. I know the Emperor smiled upon us when you told us to take the ships bridge.’

Kvothe shook his head in disbelief before speaking, ‘Creating your own entrance near the bridge while the main body fights off the ork horde was very intuitive.’ The Shadow Sanctus marine seemed reluctant to praise the unorthodox plan but it did work without error.

Captain Razzik turned to look at Inushi, but the Mantis Warrior seemed distracted by his own thoughts and simply nodded at the Captains look. Aquilum began to clean off his helm with a chuckle, ‘Shall we go hunting before your Angels take all the fun?’

‘Indeed,’ Razzik paused and stared at Aquilum, ‘but first I need to know. How you did you falsify an order in our system?”

“What order was falsified?” Aquilum responded with a look of surprise.

“The order to take the bridge with four marines and the Crystalfist,” Razzik retorted.

‘Captain,’ Aquilum looked shocked, ‘you wound me. I would never falsify an order. I will tell you when I plan on going against your orders.’

Razzik absorbed the words but realized that Aquilum was blunt enough to do something like that. ‘Then who……’

Jaska stepped forward and stood with his arms behind his back, ‘I did Captain.’

The guest marines looked between each other shocked, Razzik simply adjusted his stare.

‘Aquilum, Kvothe, Inushi, go with the Crystalfist and make sure it makes it to the hanger safely.’ Razzik’s stare didn’t leave the red armored marine.

As the order was issued Kvothe saluted and left the room with Inushi not far behind. Aquilum measured up both remaining marines before he placed his helmet back on. He then casually stepped past the marines and left the bridge.

The two marines left on the bridge stood in silence before Razzik spoke, ‘Explain yourself Jaska. Why did you create an order to attack the bridge?’

‘Given the circumstance and resources available to me it seemed a wise decision. We could take the bridge while the orks were away trying to stop you. We would then be able to move forward with your plan to search the system quicker. Timing was paramount so I created an order in such a way that would move the needed tools immediately.’

‘Falsifying orders in a combat zone….’ Razzik started to speak.

‘I’m aware of the penalty Captain. Punish me as you see fit.’ Jaska interrupted.

Captain Razzik took a deep breath and let the marines words sink in. ‘In any other situation I would but if you ever do that again.’ The end of the sentence lingered for a moment before the older Marines Chrysemys responded.

‘Yes Captain.’

getting even better!

Very good Ice. I like the fact that all the marine's personalities are not just cookie-cutters of the gung-ho stereotype. Makes the whole saga and the interplay between characters much more interesting and believable.

Very interesting indeed.

My interpretation of Razziks actions infers to me that he is still not fully comfortable taking over the new captaincy role. To me it seems his actions are quite muted or restrained (I guess the flip side is that if he was over zealous he could alienate himself from his brother marines - Positions of power can corrupt and change people) He knew that he would have to punish the one who gave the order, but chose not to because the attack was successful and I believe that also because his either not competent or comfortable he went down the path of making less waves.

Really like the analysis of the room when he enters such a great narrative without describing the full fight.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Loving it Ice!

Knightley wrote:Very interesting indeed.

My interpretation of Razziks actions infers to me that he is still not fully comfortable taking over the new captaincy role. To me it seems his actions are quite muted or restrained (I guess the flip side is that if he was over zealous he could alienate himself from his brother marines - Positions of power can corrupt and change people) He knew that he would have to punish the one who gave the order, but chose not to because the attack was successful and I believe that also because his either not competent or comfortable he went down the path of making less waves.

I thought that it was because he wasnt comfortable giving that kind of sentence to a Marine from another Chapter personally...

Really like the analysis of the room when he enters such a great narrative without describing the full fight.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Hear hear!

Sageheart wrote:getting even better!

Thanks Sage!

Gitsplitta wrote:Very good Ice. I like the fact that all the marine's personalities are not just cookie-cutters of the gung-ho stereotype. Makes the whole saga and the interplay between characters much more interesting and believable.

I agree! That was always a complaint about older 40k fluff. I think that was also a big motivator for having a small group of marines from other chapters so I could really focus on the differences between super humans.

Revenent Reiko wrote:Loving it Ice!

Knightley wrote:Very interesting indeed.

My interpretation of Razziks actions infers to me that he is still not fully comfortable taking over the new captaincy role. To me it seems his actions are quite muted or restrained (I guess the flip side is that if he was over zealous he could alienate himself from his brother marines - Positions of power can corrupt and change people) He knew that he would have to punish the one who gave the order, but chose not to because the attack was successful and I believe that also because his either not competent or comfortable he went down the path of making less waves.

I thought that it was because he wasnt comfortable giving that kind of sentence to a Marine from another Chapter personally...

Really like the analysis of the room when he enters such a great narrative without describing the full fight.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Hear hear!

Thanks Knightley. I'm glad you made that comment because that is exactly what I was shooting for. I'd actually planned on including a conversation between Razzik and Cyaxeres in a future segment to reiterate that exact point, but I may not need to if it came across that well the first time. Reiko, both you and Knightley are correct, it is a combination of him being new to the role and unsure of how he should handle the guest marines. It will be interesting to see how he develops as the story progresses. I think your guess is as good as mine at this point, lol.

Awesome Ice

One of my good buddies pointed out something that the Ice Angels are missing. Now, I have been thinking about this for several weeks but I want to get some feedback first. Nearly every chapter has some sort of phrase or battle cry or term that only they use. For example when you read gaunts ghosts each group of soldiers has their own swear words depending on what homeworld they were from. Now I can already borrow some of the Blood Angel ones which I've already done but I feel like the Ice Angels need their own.

As I type this I am reminded of one that I wrote and put in here some where. I may have to go back and see if I can find that.

Any one have a suggestion?

I personally think it would add character to the individuals if they had their own unique battle cries. However I do think that you might want to make a note on who says what so we don't get any inconsistencies with the Blood Angel yelling out the Mantis warrior battle cry etc.

As a suggestion for a battle cry?

How about

"Shattermantle's honor!"
"Fury of ice!"
"It's only cold when your dead!"
"We're not infringing on an IP rights!"
"Redwaaaaaallll!"

I kinda lost the plot towards the end... I apologise

In that vein Knightley:
'Blood and Vinegar!!'

I agree with keeping things consistent on the battle cry front as well.
As for ideas, i like 'Shattermantle's Honour!'
you could also use the standard BA cry 'For Sanguinius'....
Ill try being more creative later...

"By the Power of Greyskull!"

(just had to be mentioned)

lol, nice He-man reference. I will most likely use the Shattermantle one, but I am still looking for a bit more.

My good friend, we'll call him Ogre, had a good point. Ice Angels most likely wouldn't have any sort of battle cry. They are cold and methodical about their killing, only certain ones would actually shout anything in battle. Bel Uri and Idiptu for example. Now obviously the guest marines would have their own phrases but I think what I really need is a greeting or a commonly used phrase that the Ice Angels would use outside of battle. Maybe like a pre battle phrase, like a "good luck" or "happy hunting" kind of thing.

For the marines that do shout, I will be using "Shattermantle's Honor!" in the future. Or at least a variation of that.

“I do not agree Razzik.” Muttabriqu stated through gritted teeth. His helmet was still on yet Razzik could sense the stare that the veteran sergeant was giving him.

Captain Razzik turned and looked out upon the hanger in front of him. The tiny hanger was too small for a standard thunderhawk, only Philosir’s specialized hawk adjusted to the fit the space. In front of the hawk sat a large treaded device. Nearly the size of a land raider the weaponless moveable piece of tech sat like an armored shelving unit. A handful of servitors worked near the device.

“Muttabriqu, my decision is final.” Razzik said without looking back at lone marine next to him.

Muttabriqu shook his head, completely dumbfounded. “You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get. Instead you are sending the only unit that is still intact, the most experienced squad on this ship…away!”

With a sigh Captain Razzik started to turn back to face Muttabriqu when a small winged symbol appeared on his HUD. Razzik accessed the winged symbol and a scroll bar of black pic screens appeared across the bottom of his HUD. With a slow whir the large device on the deck began to open. Several rows of small bay doors on the top of the device could be seen pointing up. When they stopped moving a swarm of servo skulls exited the device. Each one silently hovered to a various position around the hanger. One of the servitors that was plugged into the device, adjusted several settings when the black screens in Razzik’s HUD suddenly activated. Razzik, along with every other Ice Angel, could now view what the servo skulls were seeing.

Two other winged icons appeared in his HUD as the servitor released two other kinds of hovering servo skulls, one version had a built in bolt pistol the other had six minute legs used to deliver or install various items. At the moment they all carried frag grenades.

The servo skulls had deployed into hundreds of small units, with another swarm of the carrier skulls forming closest to the device. With a final thought, the servitor activated them all and they flew out the hanger to search the ship for hiding orks, rogue squigs, and anything else that wasn’t human or marine, only twenty or so of the carrier skulls remained. The other servitors had already began to hand out deployable cameras to those that stayed.

As the servo skulls flew out of the hanger, Razzik looked back at Muttabriqu. He knew that the distraction in the hanger wouldn’t stop Muttabriqu or change his attitude one bit.

“You are correct Sergeant. I do need all of the marines I can get. However, a unit that can protect an entire ship needs to stay behind on the Frozen Rage. A unit that excels at rapid recovery needs to stay behind to pick us up once we have our proof. AND most importantly this unit needs to operate alone.” Razzik raised his hand to silence Muttabriqu as the veteran sergeant attempted to speak.

“Sergeant, given the choice of units at my disposal, what unit best fits that description?” Razzik watched Muttabriqu’s reaction. He knew that Muttabriqu came to the same conclusion and was thinking extremely hard to find a fault in his logic.

“Muttabriqu, you command one of the best veteran units in the chapter. You followed Captain Ruusa loyally and without question. I know you believe that you should have been the newest captain in the chapter….” Razzik paused for a moment, “at times I do too, but the Council chose me as the twelfth Captain and I don’t pretend to understand or question their decision making.”

Muttabriqu stopped shaking his head and chuckled at the comment. The Council did work in mysterious ways, yet the chapter had survived for millennia. At Razzik’s words Muttabriqu finally realized that his anger towards his fellow marine was unjustified. Razzik didn’t ask to be the Captain, he was ordered to be the Captain.

With a final sign of the Aquila he nodded his head. “Captain, I will gather my men and depart on the next transport immediately.”

Razzik returned the sign and watched as the veteran sergeant marched away. Deep down inside he hoped this wouldn’t be the last time he would see a member of the Uttuakki. With grim determination Razzik marched back towards the bridge, the next phase of his strategy was about to begin.

Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

whalemusic360 wrote:Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

Same I haven't been up to date with this in a long time.

Nice installment Ice.

whalemusic360 wrote:Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

Asherian Command wrote:

whalemusic360 wrote:Geeze I have some reading to catch up on.

Same I haven't been up to date with this in a long time.

Gitsplitta wrote:Nice installment Ice.

Thanks guys! Please let me know how you feel about the fluff as you catch up. I'm always looking for feedback.

again good stuff, I really enjoy when all the marine swap marines are conversing and we get a sense of each of them and how their chapters interact with each other, should we expect to see more of them as the stories go on?

Great passage Ice!

One small item that sit's a little oddly with me:

“You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get and yet you are sending the one still intact, most experienced unit…. behind!”

Is behind the best word here? would back be better? or even away?

I may have missed that part in high school so if it's normal please disregard.

Sageheart wrote:again good stuff, I really enjoy when all the marine swap marines are conversing and we get a sense of each of them and how their chapters interact with each other, should we expect to see more of them as the stories go on?

of course!

Knightley wrote:Great passage Ice!

One small item that sit's a little oddly with me:

“You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get and yet you are sending the one still intact, most experienced unit…. behind!”

Is behind the best word here? would back be better? or even away?

I may have missed that part in high school so if it's normal please disregard.

That sentence bugged me quite a bit so I rewrote it. Better?

Much

The double use of unit struck me.

what about?

“You are out of your mind. In a matter of days you will need all of the marines you can get. Instead you are sending the most experienced, intact unit on this ship…away! this is madness”

Feel free to drop the madness part (because you'll get "madness? this. is. SPARTA!" till the cows come home )

Knightley wrote:
Feel free to drop the madness part (because you'll get "madness? this. is. SPARTA!" till the cows come home )

Dammit Knightley, i had that all lined up....

Great work as usual Ice, keep em coming!

I do see your point, edited again!

Thanks for the assistance. I think you guys are really going to dig where this is going. I will have to say though I have some serious vacation coming up in a few weeks so there will be a slight lull in the posts.

I really like the idea, My dad plays BAs, and he might like this color scheme.

Captain Razzik stood face to face to the green brute. The muscular ork’s yellow teeth glistened with moisture, his black and yellow checkered hat sat slightly tilted on its head. The ork wore a cross between a sneer and a grin as if it were always about to tell a joke before killing something. His little red eyes were sunk into his skull but they followed Razzik’s every move. Around the orks throat dangled a set of dusty goggles that the ork would never again have a use for.

“Wat u’ fink… Kap’n?” the ork spat. The simple words brought a smile across Captain Razzik’s face.

“Taller. He should be taller.” Razzik spoke as he looked to his left where Tech priest Philosir stood amongst a riot of equipment. The floor on the bridge was covered with hundreds of cables and nearly a dozen Imperial staff worked on rigging and adjusting the controls on the ork ship. The ship was currently being controlled from the engine room, the Angels hadn’t wasted any time once they had loaded the ship with their necessary equipment and staff.

As Razzik looked back to the ork in front of him, the image wavered briefly before growing several inches taller.

When the holographic image of the greenskin finally completed its readjustment Razzik looked up into the eyes of the brute and nodded his head.

“That’s better.”

The image once again wavered before melting into a metallic contraption laying on the floor. The small device quickly folded into itself creating a disk with an inner ring of slowly fading lights. Philosir walked over and unplugged himself from it.

One of his servo arms picked the disk off the floor and slid it into a compartment on his back as several other cords detached from various devices around the room. Two small servo skulls floated over to Philosir and perched on his shoulder as the Tech Priest collected his things. Several Imperial officers watched in awe as the Ice Angel Priest absorbed his needed tools.

When the priest’s servo arms clicked back into place he gave a simple nod to Captain Razzik, then to several other officers on the bridge. As he finished, he followed Razzik out of the bridge past two Ice Angels.

After only a few minutes of walking Razzik broke the silence. “Are you sure they will be enough?”

Philosir stopped and regarded his superior. “Captain, I have calculated every variable to determine the optimal unit size for this mission and given the options of viable troops to be a part of this mission. I have no doubt that I have picked the best marines to accompany me.”

Something itched at the back of his mind. The entire situation bothered him like a tickle in his throat. There had been no suggestion of this side mission before and nothing that Razzik could recall prompted this sudden quest. No matter the internal argument he gave to himself he knew that he had to trust him. The ancient Techmarine thought differently. Even though Razzik's gut was telling him this wasn't right, he forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it.

“Fine, we will continue our course as planned.” Razzik eventually said before continuing on his path towards the hanger.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As the air lock slowly slid open the two marines stepped out onto the hanger. Two ork transports sat in the center of the space like squat beasts ready to pounce. Both were painted with sloppy red paint and armored with an excessive amount of metal panels. The closer of the two had a small row of missiles above the front open hatch. Standing in front of the gaping entrance to the ship was a group of colorful marines and four servitors. At the sight of the Razzik and Philosir entering the hanger, several of the marines gave each other final words before walking away.

As Razzik and Philosir arrived at the ship only Chaplain Cyaxeres, Desai, Aquilum, Inushi, Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu, and Shar-drasha remained. The servitors around the ship finished their work reinforcing several plates and attaching some Imperial surprises before walking and scuttling away. As they did Cyaxeres raised his voice in prayer, every marine lowered their head and reaffirmed their loyalty to the Emperor. As he finished he too turned and walked away, Brother Desai looked at each marine in turn before he followed the grim chaplain out of the hanger. The non Ice Angel marines placed their helmets on and began to enter the ork vessel. As Philosir entered the vessel to complete the necessary tasks before take off Razzik stepped over to Sergeant Hunzuu and Shar-drasha.

His two old squad mates already wore their helmets and each had a hand flamer on their hips. As the hint of promethium wafted into his helm Razzik was reminded of his old days as sergeant of the Ashurbani. The images of lost marines slowly took over his thoughts.

Shaking the images from his thoughts, Razzik held out his hand, “may the Emperor protect you, my brothers.”

Shar-drasha responded and grasped Razzik’s fore arm. Hunzuu did the same shortly there after but paused slightly.

“What is it Hunzuu?” Razzik prodded.

Hunzuu leaned back slightly with his hands across his chest, “permission to speak freely Captain?”

Razzik snorted at the formality. “Of course Hunzuu.”

“I do not like this one bit. Going on a pertinent side mission I’d be okay with, but sending us on a mission that will most likely have no relevance.” Hunzuu shook his head in disbelief at his own words. “I don’t like it Captain.”

Razzik took a side glance at Shar-drasha as he sighed, “I understand your reservations but Philosir believes the stations data systems are still active. They may have been recording and gathering information throughout the entire ork invasion of the Kota system. This data alone could give us a great advantage in this crusade.”

The look from both of his battle brothers didn’t change.

“That’s not what is truly bothering you, is it?”

“No Captain….” Hunzuu started.

“Please Hunzuu, amongst us there is no need for formal titles.”

Hunzuu nodded his head reluctantly, “Razzik, I don’t like the idea of going on any mission with these other marines. They fight well, but they aren’t of the Ice.”

As the truth came out Razzik found himself nodding his head before he realized what he was doing. “You need to trust me. You need to trust them. We all follow the same Emperor.”

Hunzuu and Shar-drasha shared a look before turning towards the ship. Razzik knew how they felt and no matter how much he wanted to believe his own words, they felt hollow. Watching his two old squad mates enter the ship he realized just how much he would prefer to be battling along side them leading with his actions, not leading them away with his words.

Wow, great piece of fiction! Love the ending!

Awesome, I can feel a sense of foreboding with your narrative. When I get a better chance I'll try to pick up more through what you've written and post it here

Very well done Ice.

One suggestion:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently then him and even though his gut was telling him this wasn’t right. He forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Sounds a bit clunky and not quite right grammatically... perhaps a slight modification:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently. Even though Razzink's gut was telling him the wasn't righ,t he forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Just great though... as always.

BattleBrother wrote:Wow, great piece of fiction! Love the ending!

Thanks! Tell your dad he is more then welcome to paint up some Ice Angels.

Knightley wrote:Awesome, I can feel a sense of foreboding with your narrative. When I get a better chance I'll try to pick up more through what you've written and post it here

Please do Knightley. I always appreciate the feedback.

Gitsplitta wrote:Very well done Ice.

One suggestion:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently then him and even though his gut was telling him this wasn’t right. He forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Sounds a bit clunky and not quite right grammatically... perhaps a slight modification:

"The ancient Tech Priest thought differently. Even though Razzink's gut was telling him the wasn't righ,t he forced himself to swallow his issues and allow it."

Just great though... as always.

Good call Git, I went back and fixed it. Should be much smother now, thanks.

Hey Ice,

I had a bit of time so I sat down and poured over the writing again, I have to say again.. great story!

Some sections which I had to re-read a few times because it didn't seem right to me (if it doesn't make sense then please ignore)

The ship was currently under control from the engine room
The ship was currently being controlled from the engine room?

The small device on the floor quickly folded into itself creating a disk with an inner ring of slowly fading lights
A small device on the floor quickly folded into itself creating a disk with an inner ring of slowly fading lights? (we have no prior information on the device so to me there isn't something to base ideas around 'The device' if that makes sense)

When the priest’s servo arms clicked back into blank? he gave a simple nod to Captain Razzik
is there a missing a word here?

Now matter the internal argument
Should the wording be No?

The narrative leads me to believe that the tech priest is a normal imperial techpreist and not a Techmarine, however hanger section details two marines... is it a techmarine or a techpreist?

By the time Razzik and Philosir crossed the empty space there stood only Chaplain Cyaxeres, Desai, Aquilum, Inushi, Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu, and Shar-drasha.
As Razzik and Philosir arrived at the ship only Chaplain Cyaxeres, Desai, Aquilum, Inushi, Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu, and Shar-drasha remained. (the mid part 'empty space there stood only' was the concern for me)

Razzik stepped over to Sergeant Hunzuu and Shar-drasha as Philosir entered the vessel to complete the necessary tasks before take off.
As as Philosir entered the vessel to complete final checks Razzik moved towards Sergeant Hunzuu and Shar-drasha.

Razzik sounds slightly exhausted with his role as when trying to allay the concerns of Hunzuu he is sighing in his responses, perhaps he just wants to fight and not lead any more? cemented with the final sentence. great writing!

Thanks Knightley for the break down. I went back and applied some of your suggestions.

One point you made did make me think for a moment. Are Tech Priests and Techmarines different? Philosir is a tech marine. He is an Ice Angel. Couldn't I also call him a tech priest, or are those specifically a non-astartes title?

I may have to look into that.

AND NOW FOR TODAY'S TOPIC!

How do orks reproduce?

GO! Talk amongst yourselves.

I thought they used similar means as humans but an old friend of mine, we'll call him Dick, believes that orks actually spawn other orks like plants do. They just give off spores or something and greenskins start growing. Thoughts?

Hey Ice,

I'm 99% sure they are different in the 40k universe.

A Techpreist is assigned to an imperial gaurd force and is usually cloaked, hooded in red and carries a staff or polearm.
A Techmarine is assigned to a Spacemarine force and is armoured with power armor, a bolt gun/pistol and usually has a servo harness.

That's what I've grown up understanding with them (even though I have an IG engiseer being painted up for my GK force)

Ork reproduction? from the Ork codex I read about 2 months ago they are based off of spores which settle and grow like a root after which a immature Ork emerges after gestation (of course those with the Ork codex can quote this better than I)

Again really do like your writing!

After losing all my documents yesterday, I finally finished it and sadly my lap top died with all my chapters of the Ice Angels, I am greatly impressed, thank god i keep back ups!
Can't wait to read more

Orks grow from spores which settle on planets, that is what makes them an infestation, after an ork invasion, there are still tribes of feral orks due to some spores "hatching" late.

The spores also I believe first grow into squigs and grots so that the orks that are coming will already have food and slaves.

Interesting! I guess that means no ork chicks then. I find it surprising that they aren't the most peaceful society in the galaxy if thats the case.

I did go through and check out my various space marine codices and the imperial guard codices. They are indeed techmarines and techpriests, ultimately they are very similar but that'd be like calling a marine a normal soldier. Moving forward that will be corrected and if I ever move backwards I will correct it then as well.

On a random side note, any one going to GenCon?

The rumble of the ship was unsettling. Inushi shifted in his large bucket seat as the ork transport continued to shake. The moment Philosir had activated the thrusters, Inushi felt as if he was about to crash. The more the feeling of doom filled the back of his mind the more he got angry at Aquilum. The yellow and pink armored marine sat across from him grinning like a fool. Inushi chuckled at the simple thought. Aquilum, one of the Emperor’s Fools, as he called himself sat on the same vessel, going through the same stress and dealing with the same Imperial hypocrisy. Thinking back to his own foolish actions that led him this situation, Inushi leaned against the metal seat. The advice of Darius Stone, his mentor, seemed like ancient history.

“Feel better?” Aquilum asked.

Inushi didn’t respond, instead he reached up and removed his helmet. A lock of black hair fell in front of his eyes as he stared down at his helmet. The green helmet was a standard Mantis Warrior helm, its slight insectoid lines and larger eye lens gave it a menacing visage. It had several new scratches from recent battle but as his sight slowly crossed the floor he saw Aquilum’s torn up armor and realized how well he had managed.

Aquilum’s armor was dented and missing a lot of paint. After his last run in with an ork mega dread he had had to replace his chest piece. The action was so recent he hadn’t had time to paint it. The matte gray of the base coat made the pink and yellow from the rest of his armor look even more ridiculous.

“You are being awfully quiet as of late Inushi, something on your mind?”

Quiet? Inushi hadn’t realized it but after he boarded this vessel he hadn’t spoken a word to Aquilum.

“Seriously? The silent treatment? Should I tell you a joke or something?” Aquilum badgered him.

“EMPEROR NO!” Hunzuu yelled from several seats away. “Your jokes are atrocious.”

Reven and Pyrox chuckled at the response as Aquilum continued to grin and watch Inushi.

With measured control Inushi began to softly speak. The rumbling of the ship seemed to subside as Inushi spoke and despite their super human senses the other marines leaned in to listen.

“When I was a mere scout learning the ways of the astartes, my master gave me a piece of advice that greatly influenced me.”

Inushi waited and looked around; Aquilum opened his hands and shook his head in agitation at the dramatic pause.

“What was the advice?”

“Don’t talk to pink and yellow marines.” He responded.

Reven, Pyrox, Hunzuu and Shar-drasha burst into laughter as Aquilum’s grin returned.

As the laughter subsided the others began to talk amongst themselves. Slowly Inushi leaned forward and spoke directly to Aquilum.

“An important step to learning is understanding what you already know.”

Aquilum’s grin slipped away as he thought on the statement.

“What then, do you know?” he asked.

“I understand my enemies, their strengths and their weaknesses. I have trained to deal death and avoid it in nearly every condition. I know how to serve the Emperor and have done so my entire life. I have seen the power that has been granted from that faith.” He looked back down to his helmet. “Yet here I am on a ship headed towards some outpost, monitoring a chapter that I haven’t heard of before, alone and away from my kin. All because an Inquisitor told me I had to. All because I spoke my mind on the Iron Torch.”

With that he set his helmet down on the empty seat to his right and stared into the eyes of the bald headed marine across from him.

Aquilum stared back, waiting. Eventually he spoke.

“Sounds like you need to listen to your mentor a bit more then.”

A shocked look crossed Inushi’s face. “How so?”

“You are only concentrating on one aspect of your mentor’s wisdom. You know many things,” a huge grin crossed Aquilums face,”but it sounds like you don’t know how to shut up.”

Inushi gave him a disapproving look.

Aquilum continued to grin as he looked around for a moment before speaking again, “Are you trying to keep your mouth shut from now on? That’s fine, gives me more opportunity to talk.” Aquilum opened his arms and spoke louder.” Besides, if you hadn’t spoken your mind you wouldn’t have been able to meet me and seen this lovely part of the universe.”

Inushi rolled his eyes as Aquilum chuckled once again, maybe silence was a better option.

Man, a week an no responses. That bad huh? lol, may have to look this one over again.

I know I responded to this Ice, right after you posted it... must have been some hiccup in one of my systems that resulted in it not making it to dakka.

I absolutely love the part up to "the punch line" and the two lines thereafter (i.e. when the laughter settles down). I actually did laugh out loud at the very funny comment which I wasn't expecting as if I was sitting there in the ship with the marines.

The next bit is fine up until Aquilum says "What then, do you know?". After that... it get's kind of fuzzy. I know what you're trying to do... it just doesn't quite get there. For example: I don't think Inushi would answer that question in such broad generalities given the circumstances. So he might say... "I know I have served the emperor faithfully my whole life. I know that speaking the truth in defense of that faith is a punishable offense. I know that the might of the Astartes is nothing when compared with the power of Imperial bureaucrats, which is exactly why the Mantis Warriors fought and were exiled in the first place."

Something like that would show a bit more cognitive progression towards the current situation and give you a lot more options for the ensuing interaction between Aquilum and Inushi.

Just some thoughts... sorry my original attempt to answer didn't reach you.

Hmmm, I see what you mean. I like what you came up with but I think I may have to fix more then just what Inushi says.

Thanks for the info though, gives a good idea where to focus my attention.

I'm sure you'll do wonders with any re-writes Ice. Not much in the way of comments though as you mentioned... guess the MW's don't spark the imagination of your readers.

Yggdrasil wrote:As for GenCon... Could you write a list or a summary of the important traps to avoid? Recently I've tried beginning some fluff for my chapter, but I've started at least a dozen times from 3-4 sides of the story, and I just seem to drown myself in useless ramblings & details... So any trick might prove really helpful!

YGGS! had another one of his marvelous responses that I thought I would elaborate here instead of on my P&M thread. To reiterate what I was talking about before. I was at GenCon and I went to a writing seminar and I took some great notes that Yggs wants me to share. SO here is a list of some of the things that I plan on working on and that I think others may benefit from seeing. Some of these I think I already do well but others I shall try to focus on.

Key points to focus on:

Characterisation: focus on getting readers engaged, get the readers involved, get them to feel for your characters, both the good and evil. You need to have something that readers can relate too.

POV: point of view, don't bounce from one point of view to another in the same paragraph or chapter. Each chapter can be from another view but not more often then that.

Ask the character: don't have the character do something they wouldn't normally do just to fit your story. Ask the character, what would you do?

Characters must grow not change: This one is a bit hard to explain but the general idea is that the characters need to learn and your story needs to show that. A lot of emphasis was put in this and I think this is something I tried to convey in my Inushi scene but didn't pull off successfully. This is one that I will try to concentrate on.

World building: Don't over explain, you should be able to give your readers everything they need about your world in two paragraphs. This one isn't as important in a blog dedicated to 40k, but I think it still applies. The 40k universe is so large that whatever you write you need to at least give a blurb that explains your specific world/universe your in.

Deal with character consequence: that one explains itself.

Be careful with to much narrative: Tell the trivial, show the significant. If some one is late to the battle don't focus on why their late, show them what happens because of it. This is another one I want to pay a bit more attention too.

Technical details: I think I do fairly well with this one, but the author that spoke gave an example of dirty harry asking, "do you feel lucky?" Count your bullets! Keep track of the dead. That kind of stuff if wrong can really set off your readers.

And for the grand finally, this is one that I will try to pay more attention too.

Sentence length: An average sentence should be about 12 words.



In total he gave a lot of great suggestions with some amazing examples. I didn't post all of them but summarized and posted the tips that I thought best fit me and my fluff. I hope this helps any other writers out there that read this. Please let me know how you feel.

This thread is my own personal writing adventure and as you can see I am always looking for tips and suggestions. If you read any of my fluff I would love to see what you have to say.

Yggs let me know if that helps!

Well, thanks Ice!

Honestly, though I had wanted to do it, I've never found the time to delve into your fluff page... But I don't go into that area of the forum, so it's not against you! And, as I've read so many positive comments about your writing, I'll probably get to readi it someday...

I didn't know I could make "marvelous responses", but... whatever.

As for the tips, I think my main problem is ... are... well, pretty much all of them except Technical details, I'd say!!!
More seriously, Sentence Length, World Building & Be Careful with Too much Narrative are the ones. That's why I start a lot of things, then tell myself "Wow, how boring", scrap it & start again, to the same extent...

If you have time for some other tips & examples , that'd be nice!!!

If it helps, I say it first outloud, then see if it makes logical sense and the structure of their conversation makes sense.

If you have a drama friend, try having him take the perspective of one of the characters and roleplay how they interact.

Yggdrasil wrote:Well, thanks Ice!

Honestly, though I had wanted to do it, I've never found the time to delve into your fluff page... But I don't go into that area of the forum, so it's not against you! And, as I've read so many positive comments about your writing, I'll probably get to readi it someday...

I didn't know I could make "marvelous responses", but... whatever.

As for the tips, I think my main problem is ... are... well, pretty much all of them except Technical details, I'd say!!!
More seriously, Sentence Length, World Building & Be Careful with Too much Narrative are the ones. That's why I start a lot of things, then tell myself "Wow, how boring", scrap it & start again, to the same extent...

If you have time for some other tips & examples , that'd be nice!!!

Now that you have so much time in Anywheristan, I recommend you read my fluff. However, there is something you need to know. My first few posts are terrible. I realize this but it makes me feel better to see the improvement, so as you read along you too can appreciate the effort that I put forth to improve!

As for more tips, I refuse to give out grammatical advise because that is by far my weakest link. I could probably help out with the world building. I've certainly created enough over the years running various campaigns and games for all different kind of formats.

Here is a tip for you Yggs. Bare with me here it may take a minute to explain. All stories can be broken down into percentages that may help you figure out what you like to read. The three general groups that encompass these percentages are. Heart, Head, and Hand. You have your emotions, your puzzles, and your action. Some people love to read stories like the Twilight series which is all emotion with a tiny bit of action and virtually no puzzles. Others love epic stories like Lord of the Rings that are full of huge action scenes, with a smattering of emotions, and a handful of puzzles. Most 40k readers love the full on action of many of the novels, or the in depth intrigue and puzzles of the heresy for example.

Next time you read something you've written, if you find yourself becoming bored. Ask yourself why. Be more analytical and it will help guide you to find that missing piece that your story is missing.

I got an idea Yggs! Write something and let us see it! I like that idea.

WarOne wrote:If it helps, I say it first outloud, then see if it makes logical sense and the structure of their conversation makes sense.

If you have a drama friend, try having him take the perspective of one of the characters and roleplay how they interact.

Good call WarOne! For me I find myself often rereading what I've written but until I vocalize it my mind reads what it thinks should be there. My mind doesn't read what is REALLY there until I force it to slow down and sound it out. Does that make sense or am I crazy? It's a good thing these posts don't include sound files other wise you'd hear all of the terrible voices I use for the marines in my stories, lol.

Cool! More then 10,000 views. Not bad for some home brew fiction.

After a slow deep intake of air Inushi ended his meditation. While his eyes were closed he ran through the ancient Mantis Warrior rites of awakening. He breathed through his nose assessing the various scents of marines and machine. He listened to the strange rumble of the vessel he was aboard and the sounds of his fellow astartes. The deep rasp of Pyrox, the cavernous inhales of Aquilum, and the near silent wisps of sound from Reven told him they still sat in the same positions. Slowly he opened his right eye. Then he opened his left. Without moving his head he examined his surroundings. The three marines nearest to him all appeared relaxed, deep in reverie, despite the upcoming mission.

Far to his left near the door to the bridge sat Hunzuu and Shar-drasha. Both sat straight up against the wall and wore their helms. They sat across from each other with their hands resting on their weapons. Unlike the other marines the two Ice Angels appeared like traps ready to spring.

With a prayer in his mind Inushi slowly began to stretch out his limbs. He worked his neck, arms, and then torso before stretching his legs and standing up. Throughout this process the other marines awoke and started their own awakening rituals, all except Aquilum. He continued his own deep trance. Inushi cracked a smile as he noticed that even in his meditative state Aquilum’s mouth was twitching as if he was about to speak.

Inushi stepped away from the other marines to an open cargo area next to the exit ramp. The area was large enough for several bikes to park next to each other, but not large enough for a rhino. In this space he drew his katana. He held the hilt of the weapon in his right while resting the blade in the palm of his left. Along the blunt edge were the names of its previous owners, Inushi read each one before stopping at the last name, Darius. He thought back to his mentor for a moment before returning to his inspection.

The blade edge was still razor sharp but marks marred the blades ridge. He thought back on the recent battles with the orks. He envisioned the movements of his blade and concentrated on the attacks or parries that resulted in damages.

The light steps of a marine ended his concentration. Inushi turned around to see Reven approaching. The red armored Blood Angel stopped a few steps away and looked at Inushi’s blade.

“That is a marvelous blade Inushi. “ Reven spoke as he adjusted his auburn hair. ”It looks like it has a history.”

Inushi returned to his sword, “It does indeed. There are only a few blades with a history as long as this one left in my chapter.” His gaze returned to the last name on the sword. “Some day I will add my name to its edge and pass it to a new member of the chapter after they have passed their rites.” His words trailed off as the weight of these missions returned to him.

Reven smiled and placed a hand on Inushi’s shoulder. “I’m sure you will.”

Inushi looked into the deep blue eyes of Reven and for once realized how ancient the Blood Angel must have been. They weren’t the vibrant eyes of an initiate or the focused eyes of a trooper, they were the eyes of a commander. For a moment Inushi wanted to ask Reven a hundred questions, but the ork vessel momentarily shook before the engine noise died down.

An emotionless voice echoed in all of their voxes, “Suit up.”

Reven removed his hand and smiled as he reached down for his yellow helmet. Inushi watched the Blood Angel walk away and he realized how little he knew of the venerable marine. With a steel hiss Inushi sheathed his blade, locked it in place, and hooked his helmet on his head. He looked at the marines checking their gear and he vowed that he would learn more about them all. He may not have a lot of time left to do so.

Like that last part, though I still haven't read the beginning, hence holes in the story (are they in an Ork Krooza or something?)

Ha, don't bother, I'll read it eventually, anyway... I told you I would.

Only one nitpick, Reven has dark hair on the model. If you want to have it blond and

Or even add something else, its up to you
Great read Ice

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Only one nitpick, Reven has dark hair on the model. If you want to have it blond and

Spoiler:

Have it get dirty after he loses his helmet or something

Or even add something else, its up to you
Great read Ice

Maybe his geneseed has been corrupted by Tzeentch, and the symptom his that his hair changes colour ?

I have to go through this entire thing one day.

Of course, when my 40,000+ word story is over, that may be a good time.

Inushi will be in another fluff piece soon on the Swap Fiction Thread.

Not yet. Have to kill other marines first.

Excellent work Ice (sorry for the delay in responding, work has been hell for the last two weeks). I can really see your writing classes coming through in the quality of your work. The narrative is dramatic, engaging, filled with tension but not the kind you see in a battle... kind of a "calm before the storm" thing. Love it. The interpersonal dynamic is what always interests me the most (if you can't tell from the couple of little bits that I've written).

At least there's one person on this earth writing really good fiction about the Mantis Warriors! (OK, just one mantis warrior.)

Do you mind if I quote it on my MW blog?

@Yggs - Yes you should go and read everything! But to summarize the most recent events a small group of marines took an ork krooza to infiltrate an old imperial outpost that is now over run with orks.

@Battle Brother Lucifer- OMG! You are correct. I will have to fix that one. He will soon become a dirty blonde!

@WarOne - good luck finishing your massive story! If you need any more subjects for it I've traded about 15 marines in total. I think only one made your epic story.

@Yggs - You must be corrupted to think that a Son of Sanguinious would ever succumb to the foul taint of Tzeentch!

@Gits - You may certainly quote the fluff on your page! I thought of you, as I always do while writing about Inushi. I hope he is fitting into your Mantis Warrior vision. I certainly am enjoying watching his character unfold.


Something that I do plan on doing is trying to focus a bit more on certain characters. One of the tips I learned that I am really trying to follow is to not have too many main characters. So with that in mind I decided that the next few sequences will all be from his point of view. Especially given the group at hand, he seemed like my best option.

Thanks again for all the comments guys!

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Only one nitpick, Reven has dark hair on the model. If you want to have it blond and

Spoiler:

Have it get dirty after he loses his helmet or something

Or even add something else, its up to you
Great read Ice

Corrected!

With surprising speed the ramshackle side ramp swung open. The loose contents in the chamber were sucked into the void and for a brief moment every marine casually held on to support beams to prevent being sucked outside. After the vacuum of space claimed the interior of the Ork Kroozer the marines climbed onto the starboard side of the vessel. Tech marine Philosir was the last to exit, a long cord trailed behind him back into the cargo hold they were in only a few seconds before.

Inushi glanced to the other marines; with the exception of the Ice Angels, they all seemed rather apprehensive of the plan. As his gaze fell on Aquilum, Inushi realized that even Aquilum’s typical joyous suicidal tendencies were subdued by the thought of what was about to occur.

Inushi looked to his left over one of the stubby wings on the Kroozer. The ancient Imperial outpost was built like a floating tower in space, but now it was nearly twice its original size. The orks had added to the tower countless other compartments and bays. Some additions appeared to be ships that were permanently attached. Overall the bloated station bristled with guns and red icons of a grinning maw.

The Kroozer was on approach to a hanger surrounded by what appeared to be metal planks that formed an open mouth. Inushi could clearly make out small vessels inside the well lit hanger when Philosir’s voice filled his vox.

“Beginning the roll,” he simply stated.

Inushi along with several other marines looked towards the rear of their vessel when it violently shook and the glow from the rear lessened. Parts and shrapnel flew out into space as one of the rear boosters exploded. The Kroozer began to veer off course. Inushi and the other marines were all squatting on the side of the vessel holding on to anything they could reach just in case extra parts flew off. The Kroozer continued its spiral away from the hanger but still towards the station. After two full rotations, the flat voice of Philosir returned.

“Move in three, two, one, now.”

As one the 7 marines jumped off the ship the moment the command was given and the starboard side faced the station. Mere seconds after they did so, a second explosion blew a side panel spraying more debris and chunks of the Kroozer in every direction. Inushi tried to follow the path of the Kroozer but his vision was obscured as he past several huge bulk heads that jutted out from the station and he entered total darkness. Inushi twisted around and only caught outlines of his fellow marines before he engaged his helmets night vision. They were silently entering what appeared to be a docking station for massive vessels to refuel and rearm in.

Inushi was taking in his surroundings when a way point appeared on his HUD. He caught only a glimpse of the point before he had landed behind a short ridge separating him from his destination. With a fluid motion that he had done countless times he drew his plasma pistol. Pyrox landed on the ridge thirty yards away, Shar-drasha came down behind the next ridge. In silence he continued to stand looking all around for any response. He assumed at any minute panels would move and orks would swarm but it never happened. Even as Shar-drasha walked over the ridge Inushi waited.

Shar-drasha jumped from the side of one ridge, twisted and stuck to the ridge closest to Inushi. The Ice Angel then continued to move over the ridge with haste. Inushi took one final look before following after him. Over the ridge he saw that Philosir had already removed a large panel that could hide a rhino. Behind the panel was some sort of maintenance tool bay. Hunzuu and Pyrox were already moving in as Inushi approached.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You feel that?” Aquilum said with a hushed voice through the vox.

Inushi paused for only a brief moment to reevaluate his senses. “Feel what?” After his response he returned to his climb. The lightless maintenance shaft continuously vibrated from the huge power cores stored around them. His dark vision granted by his helmet allowed him to see the marine above and below him but no more.

“The gaze of the Emperor is upon us. I can feel it.” Aquilum spoke back in quite tones.

Inushi shook his head and looked up at the marine above him. The boots of Reven continued their steady climb. They had been climbing for nearly an hour in silence until Aquilum decided to share.

“Do you always have this feeling Aquilum? The Emperor is all seeing.” Reven eventually responded.

“All of the Empire is in his vision, in his peripheral vision, only on rare occasions can you feel his gaze. The focus of his consciousness is watching to see if we stay true to our words and true to him.” Aquilum chuckled. “And hopefully we amuse him.”

Near the top of the rising line of marines was Pyrox. With a voice that sounded more akin to an earthquake he rumbled a laugh at Aquilum’s words. “How could he not be amused? We jumped off a pirated ork vessel as it exploded to land on an ork held imperial station so that we can sneak through a maintenance shaft, all so that we can check ancient Imperial records that may or may not be useful.”

There were a few chuckles but the unit quickly fell back into silence, only their hand and footfalls breaking the constant hum of machinery. Meanwhile Inushi dwelled on the words of Aquilum, “hopefully we amuse him” he kept hearing in his head.

Of all the chants, prayers, psalms, hymns, and ancient quotes he had heard throughout his life, never had he heard of anyone trying to amuse the Emperor. The absurd notion made him think of the very different doctrine the Mantis Warriors follow, the ancient martial lore and the rigid training regime, yet everything he did and strived for was for the Emperor. How could another astartes, another child of the Emperor, have such a backwards view of the divine leader of the human race?

Inushi was lost in his own inner argument when the climbing stopped. Inushi leaned out to his right to see past Reven. Two small lights glowed brightly for a brief moment as a pair of servo skulls lifted off of Philosir’s armor. The tech marine was at the top of the chain holding onto the ladder while one of his servo arms examined a door behind him. The lights faded as quickly as they started as the two servitors disappeared down a pair ventilation ducts that perforated their maintenance shaft.

For a few minutes they waited until Philosir chimed in, “This is it.”

Nice work Ice! Have some minor suggestions but I'll do them by PM.

Thanks Gits! I look forward to your suggestions with much anticipation.

Epic chapter.

Slowly the door opened. In darkness the tech marine quietly stepped through the door way. With every step he took forward another marine exited the door behind him and quickly fanned out into the small chamber. The room was in disarray. Tools were strewn about and dozens of cables dangled from the ceiling to cross the room and disappear into other devices and wall crevices.

After only a few steps Philosir stopped in the middle of the room examining the work of the orks. Pyrox crossed the room to the only other door having to take several awkward steps to pass over large piles of electronics. He put away his plasma gun and leaned up against the door.

For several moments the unit waited in silence, all watching Pyrox. With a simple hand gesture several weapons lowered, Reven and Inushi crossed the room to stand right behind Pyrox and the door. Philosir strolled across the room and with a mere thought sent floor plans to the marines with HUDs. To Shar-Drasha, Hunzuu, and Pyrox the level they were on appeared on the left hand side as a faint red outline. A green line highlighted the path they were to take.

“We will pass through the left hand doors. Move forty meters forward and take another left. After the third arch way there will be a chamber on our right. That is our destination.” Philosir stated to the other marines.

Pyrox slightly turned his head and grumbled. “Exit strategy?”

“That will be revealed soon enough” the monotone voice of Philosir responded. Inushi exchanged glances with Reven.

“Brother Pyrox if someone tries to open the door, do not let them in. We must now wait” Philosir paused mid sentence, “four minutes.” With that thought concluded, one of his servo arms bent and shifted towards the top of his back pack. Inushi saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to watch the black and red armored Ice Angel. The single servo arm pulled out a large serrated circle no thicker then a power swords edge and slightly bigger then his head. Only a single bar crossed the diameter of the blade. The lone bar seemed to expand and then elongate until it was nearly the length of Inushi’s leg. The entire alteration took no more then a few seconds. Philosir reached out and grabbed the unique weapon just below the blade with his left hand.

Inushi had been around dozens of Techmarines during his life as an astartes, but the technology of Philosir seemed to surpass anything he had seen before. For a fleeting moment Inushi looked at Philosir in a different light. Something about the tech marine seemed to set him on edge. Inushi closed his eyes when the dull rumble of running boots could be heard in the distance. Muffled shouts could be heard but not understood. He strained to hear what they were shouting, the deep voices of orks created a dull ache of sound.

“Correction, we move in 58 seconds.” Philosir added. Unbeknownst to Inushi, a timer appeared in several HUD’s. Pyrox began to slowly rock in place. Inushi watched the Fire Angel pulse back and forth. It was a minute motion but Inushi felt a slow seep of energy build within him. He focused on the movement and was soon rocking in time. In the last few seconds the voice of the gray armored angel rumbled a chant at a subvocal level.

“Emperor grant us gifts of silence in return we bring you gifts of violence.”

With that the door swung open. They were instantly bathed in a red throbbing light, but Pyrox was off like a hunter killer missile seeking its prey. Inushi and Reven were right behind. They moved with practiced ease and passed like flakes of snow in the wind. Without slowing Pyrox moved along the path given to him. Through the left hand doors and forty meters forward they moved. The halls were filthy and brimmed with garbage and scrap but there wasn’t a single ork in sight.

Inushi was looking down a side hall when a crunch was heard in front of him. He whipped around and saw Pyrox removing his gauntlet from the skull of an unarmed ork that was attempting to get off the floor. With only a slight pause he lowered the body back to the floor before continuing. The red pulsing lights seemed to make the ork blood glow.

The unit approached the third arch and no other orks had been spotted. Pyrox passed through the large open door way and entered the expansive room to his right. Inushi was right behind him, followed by Reven and the rest of the unit. The room had a level of grime that made the chamber feel more like a cave then a chamber in a station. Various colors of fungus grew along two of the walls and a huge mob of bed rolls sprawled across the floor.

The large room was octagonal and directly across from their entrance was a closed door. It didn’t appear that the door had been used in decades. Several shredded banners leaned up against the bulk head and a deep purple grin had been painted to the right of the door.

Pyrox walked up to the door and inspected it. Inushi noticed that his demeanor looked a bit deflated. Philosir was walking over to a support beam. Shar-drasha and Hunzuu were posted by their entrance. Aquilum wandered the room inspecting the walls and the bed rolls.

“Am I missing something or is there truly nothing here?” he added after only a few seconds of inspection. Pyrox stalked the room before stopping next to Aquilum, “there aren’t even cursed greenskin to bring the Emperors justice upon.”

Philosir did not respond, he simply magnetized his axe to his thigh and began to climb the support beam with the help of his two clawed servo arms. Upon reaching the peak of the room he let his servo arms hold him in place while he manipulated a panel in the ceiling. After only a few seconds the panel slid away and a small device lowered into the room about 12 inches. It looked almost like an upside down miniature building with a wide array of ports along its sides. Without hesitation a handful of cords shot out from Philosir immediately into the device. The device began to hum.

The throbbing red lights suddenly stopped and returned to their normal dirty yellow glow. Philosir looked down at the marines in the room, “that is surprising.”

Nearly every marine in the room exchanged glances until Aquilum spoke up, “What does that mean?”

“Standard Emergency Imperial Protocol, red throbbing lights indicate an immediate threat to the station or its staff on board.” Philosir began.

“Yes yes yes, I believe we are all aware of the protocols. What does it mean for us?” Aquilum quickly interrupted.

“It means that the fires on the level above us and the level below us have been extinguished, hence the lights returning to normal levels. Either I must reprogram my algorithm for ork response time to fires or I need to adjust the settings on my servo skulls.” Philosir responded while returning his concentration on the device in front of him.

“How much time will you need Brother Philosir?” Sergeant Hunzuu asked while peering down the hall outside the room.

“I am downloading several decades of information and sifting through it all. If I don’t find what I need first then it will take me nearly 15 minutes to obtain everything. Now I must concentrate.” The tech marine pulled himself closer to the device.

With a throaty chuckle Pyrox looked at Aquilum, “prepare yourselves brothers. The greenskins are returning.”

Nice installment ice. The plot thickens eh?

Inushi knelt in the darkness of the octagonal room next to a support beam. With his combat knife casually held in his right hand he watched the other marines go into hiding as best they could. Shar-drasha was to his left behind the next support beam. Hunzuu was across the room in a similar position. Inushi could hear the return of Pyrox and Reven, their footfalls crunching on shattered glass and broken plastics. Philosir hadn’t spoken or moved in four minutes and during that time all the other marines, except Aquilum, had shattered every light in the room and several in the hall just outside it.

The pair of marines entered the room. “The nearest lift just arrived.” Reven spoke in hushed tones. He then knelt directly across the entrance from Inushi by another support beam. Pyrox paused in the archway looking for a spot to pounce from when Aquilum walked up. The Emperor’s Fool held a massive ork banner in each hand. The banners were caked with a similar level of grime and blood as the room’s floor. Aquilum stopped near the center of the room and placed a banner pole in front of each foot. He lowered the poles only slightly to create a curtain to stand behind. The heavy banners brushed the floor merely ten feet from Inushi.

Pyrox quietly stepped around the banners and got down on his hands and feet right in front of Aquilum. As the banners ceased their movement Pyrox adjusted slightly to see through a tear near the bottom of the banner.

From Inushi’s angle he could clearly see Aquilum but Pyrox was hidden by the banners. Only with his night vision on could he see fragments of Pyrox through the plethora of holes in the banners. As Inushi looked for Pyrox his eyes were drawn to the thick banner closest to him. It depicted a massive ork with guns for hands and an artillery gun on his shoulder. Inushi studied the shredded bottom of the banner trying to decide if the ork was standing on tanks or had guns for feet.

The high pitched voices of small greenskins floated into his ears. He instantly filed the image of the banner away and concentrated on the sounds. There were several voices all trying to talk over one another. One by one they came into Inushi’s view. A score of grots walked towards the entrance.

Oblivious to the darkness they strolled into the entrance when a shout from down the hall echoed.

“Who smashed’n Bizz’s ead in?” the deeper ork voice asked. An odd muffled growling could be heard as the voice spoke up.

All of the grots immediately turned towards the deeper voice except a single lone butt scratching grot slowly walked open mouth towards the banners.

“Bizz?” “He dumb.” “I did it!” “I’ate’dat’git!” “I’ungry” “Lets go steal’is teef!”

The grots all spoke at the same time as they started to jog down the hall towards Bizz’s corpse. The never ending gibbering continued as they left. Meanwhile the lone grot continued to stare at the banner. Drool began to drip off his bottom lip as he scratched his butt.

The lone creature opened his mouth even further as if his miniscule brain was trying to remember how to speak. Inushi, along with every other marine in the room watched intently when a gray arm reached between the banners. In one clean motion the hand grabbed the grots head, crushed it, and pulled it behind the banners. The entire movement was fast and silent. The banners resettling into their position was the only reminder of the grots demise.

CRACK

A single gun shot snapped every marine’s attention to the hall. Even Philosir, who up until now had been motionless on the ceiling, tilted one of his ocular devices.

“Get off me boy! Is teef is mine!” the deep voice shouted. “Go git’em Squiggles!” With that, the muffled growling was replaced by an odd barking. The sound of scampering feet and high pitched squealing was followed by a swarm of grots running past and into the room. A four legged squig was right behind them dragging a chain.

As they entered the room they all ran for cover. Inushi smiled to himself as a trio of grots stumbled over themselves and hid next to his motionless form. The squig had gotten a hold of one of the grots, its screams cut short as its head disappeared down the squigs throat.

Inushi didn’t see how many grots ran into the room nor could he see where all of them had hidden but none of the marines were in reach of the squig hound. A slight crack came from the banners as the hound whipped his head towards the banners and began to sniff the air.

Without taking his eyes off the hound, Inushi silently lifted up his combat blade above the heads of the grots crouched next to him. The hound slowly crept towards the banners, its sniffing nose and whimpering grots the only sounds in the room. The beast had a huge lower jaw that nearly hit the floor as it crept forward a low growl began to gurgle in its throat.

Without a whisper, a familiar gray armored arm reached out and grabbed that disproportionate lower jaw and with a yelp the hound disappeared into the banner. Inushi quickly lowered his knife into the skull of a grot and repeated several times. He could hear the work of other marines around the room but couldn’t see specifics. Suddenly a single grot ran past Reven’s position towards the entrance.

One of the banners dropped with a crash, the metal bar across the top crushing the helpless grot a foot from the light creeping from down the hall. Pyrox held the bottom of banner and Aquilum looked down at him. They exchanged glances when Pyrox lifted the heavy banner back up. The body of the still twitching grot rose up in the air still attached to the banner pole.

“Oi! Squiggles must’a’git a biggin.” Several voices laughed at the words from down the hall.

“SQUIGGLES!” the voice shouted.

“HEY, Com ere!” it continued.

The foot falls of heavy boots echoed down the hall. When the boots first hit shattered glass they slowed.

Crunch, crunch,

Crunch.

“Squiggles?” the ork said quietly as it rounded the corner and peaked into the room. The tiny eyes of the ork scanned the room and for a moment Inushi thought that the ork was looking at him. Suddenly the body of the grot loosened its hold on the banner and fell with splat onto the floor. That was when the ork turned back towards the hall and shouted its last words, “Any o’yous got a light?”

In the span it took the ork to turn its bald green head back around, Reven had taken three strides and put his combat blade through the orks skull, its gold hilt touching the orks temple. Reven held the ork up, but could only watch as the orks large caliber pistol dropped and clanked onto the floor.

Mantis Warriors *and* grots?! I think I'm in heaven!

Gave your blog a promo on mine... hope it directs some traffic to you... your writing is certainly deserving of all the attention you can get.

Awesome update Ice.

Gitsplitta wrote:Mantis Warriors *and* grots?! I think I'm in heaven!

Gave your blog a promo on mine... hope it directs some traffic to you... your writing is certainly deserving of all the attention you can get.

Thanks Git, I always appreciate your promo's. If you ever get a chance I still like to hear about your suggestions from one of my previous posts on the previous page.

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Awesome update Ice.

Thanks Lucifer.

btw Lucifer......... it's coming........

I'm looking forward to it, not 'it' per say, but how you are gonna have it happen

Ice...

I think this passage got me the most excited with anticipation on what is about to happen next compared to all the other parts you've written. very well done and I am completely drawn in... what will happen next?

Will the marines get zerged by Orks?
Will the Orks play off the clattering sound as nothing?
Will the marines come up with some outlandish way to get around it? Such as Philo popping up with holograph of the large Ork and using a voice changer to mess with them?

Only one person knows and I want it to be me....

If any of you are reading my fiction blog for the first time please tell me what you think. Let me know if Git sent you too!

This is a never ending work in progress and I really do improve much faster when I get feedback. So please, tell me what you like and tell me what you don't like. If your complaint happens to be grammar related please give me a full explanation in moronic terms so that I may understand it.

Thanks!

Knightley wrote:Ice...

I think this passage got me the most excited with anticipation on what is about to happen next compared to all the other parts you've written. very well done and I am completely drawn in... what will happen next?

Will the marines get zerged by Orks?
Will the Orks play off the clattering sound as nothing?
Will the marines come up with some outlandish way to get around it? Such as Philo popping up with holograph of the large Ork and using a voice changer to mess with them?

Only one person knows and I want it to be me....

Knightley you just made my day!

Only one person knows and its me, mwahahahaha. I have a feeling you may find out sooner then later. Stay tuned!

Ice, you ask several questions on the previous (previous) page... can you point to the one you'd specifically like my feedback on?


In general, as you have gone on I think your narrative is getting better and better and sounding more like a professional writer. While there is still action, it's not the knock-down drag-out action of your earlier work... there is much more suspense and a cerebral aspect to it. All for the good in my opinion. Be careful not to get caught up in needless gore. A hidden squad of marines with grots hiding cluelessly among them would probably not risk drawing their combat knives to dispatch them when a simple pop to the head with a power armored fist would certainly shatter their spine and render them instantly unconscious/unable to sound the alarm/dead. Not as graphic as a knife in the skull... but probably more militarily sound (and again emphasizing the power of even a normal marine in armor). I like the focus on the perspective of a single character not just because he's Inushi but because it allows me to be there as part of the squad... otherwise I'm just an observer on the outside looking in. No where near as fun. I could imagine as I was reading, myself as Inushi in a courch with all these little grots in and amongst my still form, totally oblivious to their circumstance due to their fear of the squighound. I'd never get that without a 1st-person link into the story.

Gitsplitta wrote:Ice, you ask several questions on the previous (previous) page... can you point to the one you'd specifically like my feedback on?

Git I was more referring to your specific response when you said you'd send me a PM with some feedback on October 7th.

Good point in regards to the grot situation. In my head Inushi had already drawn out his combat blade otherwise he would have simply used his fist, like Pyrox was doing.

By the way, I want an ugly dog so I can name him Squiggles.

Right... damn, forgot all about that. I'll get on it... need something to break up the mindless hours of data entry ahead.

We'll make him the team mascot.

Reven swiftly dragged the ork body across the room and threw a bed roll over top of it. He then returned to his position. His timing was perfect. The same instant he ceased moving a trio of orks came into view. They were in the shadows of the hallway but none of them were approaching the entrance to the darkened room.

The largest of the three looked into the darkness, almost as if he could make out the outline of the banner. The greenskin wore a torn vest with what appeared to be a woman’s undergarment tied around his head. A lone wide blade hung from his thick black belt. He gulped in air as if his nose didn’t function.

“Lobnots? Com out ere.” He shouted in between gulps of air. The other two boys bobbed their heads as if it would summon the missing ork.

At the lack of response the larger ork puffed his chest and looked at his two fellow green skins that flanked him.

“Yous two, go find him.” He pointed into the room.

The two boys looked from the darkness, to each other, to the larger ork, and then back to each other. “Uh, boss. I’s don’t sees him.” The right ork said. The other ork grinned and bobbed his head some more. The larger ork whipped his head, gulped in some more air and then snarled at the boy that had spoken. The larger ork slowly unhooked his choppa.

The boy stepped back, “Maybes we could find em with a light doe”

“Yeah, Lobnots asks for da light. Maybes he waitin fur one.” The other ork piped in while continuing to bob his head.

The larger ork chewed his next deep breathe and then lowered his choppa. He looked between the two boys and then shook his head. “Which a yous has da lights?”

The boy on the right wore a pair of yellow trousers with dozens of patches. He immediately began to scan his pockets and patches while the other boy with a sleeveless trench coat and short shorts watched with intensity.

“Hey, whats you doin!?” a shout from down the hall echoed.

“None of yous biddness, you BLOK’EAD!” the large one shouted.

“What was dat?” the voice down the hall retorted.

From Inushi’s position he couldn’t see what was approaching but could only hear the steps of heavy boots. The shouting began to intensify when an equally large ork stepped into view and got into the other orks face. They shouted and pushed each other. Other orks and grots began to wander towards the scene like carrion feeders to a battle.

Soon punches were being thrown and teeth were being knocked out. The other orks cheered and shouted. Inushi watched, unblinking, waiting. The two orks were on the floor, the moment one would get the upper hand the other would poke an eye or bite an arm and the rolling would continue.

The loud sounds of cheering seemed to resonant through the walls and soon Inushi couldn’t see past the rows of greenskins cheering on the edges of the darkness. As the fight dragged on Inushi looked towards the other marines, trying to get an idea of what they were thinking. Pyrox was still hidden beneath the banners, Hunzuu had his hand flamer at the ready, and Reven still held his knife. With little regard to stealth Reven switched hands with the knife and grabbed a grenade off his belt.

Inushi moved to do the same when a loud shout seemingly abolished all other sounds.

“GET OUT OF MY WAY!” dozens of orks shrunk down at the loud shout. The two greenskins on the floor got off of one another and quickly jumped to their feet. Once again Inushi couldn’t see what was approaching but it had a mechanical whirr to it.

The seconds dragged by as the slow methodical steps got closer. Inushi was leaning forward as far as he dare; trying to see what was nearing the arch way to their room. Orks were shuffling out of its way, whatever it was.

Finally a massive suit of metal and wires stepped into view. It was wider then a terminator and covered in strange contraptions. The face of a dark green ork looked down from the center of the mechanical suit. A bright green grot sat on its shoulder sneering down at the orks as if it were boss.

“Which A yous” the wired ork paused as if lost in thought “did it?”

Inushi watched every ork look around at everything in sight other then the walking mechanical ork. Finally the large ork from the prior fight puffed his chest, gulped some air, and stepped forward.

The ork contraption leered down at him. The ork open his mouth to speak but instead pointed to the dark room that the marines hid in. Suddenly Inushi was facing a score of greenskins.

With a grunt that sounded like a leman russ engine back firing the ork took a labored step to square up with the arch way. The other orks crowded around and peered in with anticipation.

“Is one O my boys in dere?” the small beady red eyes of the ork scanned the darkness. The bright green grot leaned forward and continued to sneer, this time at the darkness. Another grunt from the behemoth and his left arm folded in a very jerky motion. The closest orks jumped aside as the arm reached up and behind the walking suit. Hydraulics hissed as the arm returned to its previous position, this time holding a cylinder with dangling wires and a tiny seat on the top.

The entire armored suit shook slightly as the jerky movements of the arm placed the cylinder on the floor. The nearest orks were staring open mouthed at the cylinder. Several rubbed their hands with excitement.

“Gub.” The ork hiccupped.

At the sound the bright green grot climbed down the armored suit and jumped onto the cylinder. With a quick jerk a little pole popped out of the top of the cylinder in front of the seat. Two small petals bobbed on its side. The grot stuck out its tongue as it began to petal the contraption with all its might. After a dozen revolutions of the petals, the cylinder began to hum. The grot took on a crazed look as the center section of the cylinder started to flicker with a dim light. As the grot picked up speed the light grew brighter. The strobe light it created bathed the room and the marines when Inushi saw the red form of Reven step out and toss his primed grenade.

Time slowed down as Inushi’s singular focus traced the grenade through the air. The strobe light seemed to highlight the mat silver finish of the small device.

Ting……..

Ting…..

The grenade bounced twice towards the throbbing light. Inushi could fully visualize the fragmentation grenade running through its priming cycle and preparing to explode.

Inushi closed his eyes for a brief second when a thump preempted a surprisingly muffled explosion. When he opened his eyes the ork behemoth held the eviscerated corpse of another ork over the grenade blast. The ork smiled as the strobe light illuminated Reven’s red armor and yellow helm.

“Humies” was all ork said as the hall way erupted into cheering and chaos.

And now we get more info on what is going down in Orktown

The writing does allow some interpretation on what the position of the mech Ork is for what we know it could just be a Mek or it could be a Warboss although I would find it odd that a warboss would be interested in his boys having a fight (seeing as all Orks live for fighting)

Was a really did like was when I imagined the scene I actually got to see the slow motion of the grenade as it sauntered through the air and a cut away to Inushi focusing on it. Very cool imagery.

Can't wait to read more

Definitely not a warboss. I was thinking more of a mek with random gadgets and tools and a grot powered strobe light.

I'm glad you liked knightley. I too liked the grenade scene, it seemed very fitting. I always imagined space marines having that level of focus and insight. I may include similar scenes to that in the future.

Love to see the detailed orky narrative Ice... very well done! Boy, they're in the s**t now aren't they?

As to the big ork, I was thinking either a Big Mek or or a Mega-nob. Just seemed to be too much mechanical augmentation and authority to be just a boy.

Great installment in any case Ice... looking forward to the ensuing mayhem. Guess I should've built Inushi with a flamer, eh?

Gitsplitta wrote:Love to see the detailed orky narrative Ice... very well done! Boy, they're in the s**t now aren't they?

As to the big ork, I was thinking either a Big Mek or or a Mega-nob. Just seemed to be too much mechanical augmentation and authority to be just a boy.

Great installment in any case Ice... looking forward to the ensuing mayhem. Guess I should've built Inushi with a flamer, eh?

Thanks Git! I think Inushi with a plasma pistol works great. Plus had he carried a flamer he wouldn't have been out in space fighting the kans and walkers with Aquilum. I never really researched 40k plasma weapons as I probably should have. Would they still work in space?

I do have to say, that plasma weapons are by far my favorite special or heavy weapon. The randomness of their functionality is fantastic. I can field three, five man devastators squads full of plasma cannons. My space wolf buddy that doesn't have any vehicles or drop pods usually throws a fit when I do though, lol.

My guys kill themselves all the time with them... so I almost never field them. But... they look cool, and would play hell with a deathwing army.

i loved the mek suit thing, but near the end you use the word "device" way too much, i would try to find other more descriptive words that still alow for their to be some mystery to what the creature is.
good stuff!

Sageheart wrote:i loved the mek suit thing, but near the end you use the word "device" way too much, i would try to find other more descriptive words that still alow for their to be some mystery to what the creature is.
good stuff!

good call sage. I will go back and do a little tweaking. Thanks for the heads up.

Hows that?

An avalanche of sound rippled through the air as scores of orks were drawing blades, clubs, and pistols, shaking with excitement, or screaming with bloodlust. Several were already stepping into the room unable to control the sudden urge to fight. The massive ork in the center of the entrance continued to smile. Gub the grot cackled manically as he pedaled the strobe light at a furious pace.

As the horde approached Reven drew his chainsword and brought it to his head in a quick salute to his oncoming victims. Hunzuu and Shar-drasha stepped out of cover ready to unleash flames. Inushi reached for his plasma pistol with his right and tossed a frag with his left into the hall.

The blast of flames scorched the first dozen orks. Inushi was unable to see what damage the grenade caused if any. The orks didn’t seem to care but continued to shout and shove their way into the room over the still burning corpses of their fallen. In their frenzy they ignored the dual banners standing in the center of the room and the orks went either right for Reven and Hunzuu or left for Shar-drasha.

With a side ways roll Inushi came out cover directly in front of Shar-drasha. Inushi fired off two rounds of plasma before Shar-drasha unleashed another jet of promethium. The twitching orks flailed about before falling, further lighting up the room with their melting bodies.

In Inushi’s peripheral vision he saw the wave of greenskins meet Reven and Hunzuu. Inushi drew his katana and powered up the curved blade. Two more blasts of plasma tore through several unarmored greenskins right before Shar-drasha unleashed yet another blast.

Mere seconds into the engagement and the floor was carpeted with liquefying bodies in front of Inushi, some of which were still dealing with their own demise. Bed rolls and ork waste all along the floor was also ablaze. Inushi glanced over to witness the dance of Reven and the punishing grace of Hunzuu before another wave of orks rushed towards in. The mechanical ork entered the room behind them wielding a sleek contraption that glowed with a violet hue. Its non-ork design instantly hit a disturbing chord in Inushi’s thoughts.

The flashes of the strobe light seemed to slow as Inushi stood. He envisioned the nearest orks move before bringing up his katana to deflect the first oncoming over head blow from a choppa. Inushi side stepped and batted away a green fist before slicing his katana across the chest of the ork. The blade bit deep spraying an arch of blood into the air. The ork stumbled and was pulled back by another frenzied ork that leapt at Inushi. The greenskin attacked with a metal pipe that crashed down into Inushi’s shoulder. The blow would have removed a normal humans arm but Inushi merely noticed a strong tingling sensation. With both hands the ork swung left to right. Inushi ducked under the blow and spun around leading with his katana, dividing the ork into two pieces.

Before the top half of the orks body had hit the ground, Inushi was thrown off balance by an ork round that ricocheted off his other shoulder. A round bounced off his thigh, while another two skimmed off his helm and back pack. Inushi was attemping to bring up his plasma when Shar-drasha stepped up and let loose another torrent of promethium.

The gun wielding ork went down along with several others. As the flames died down Inushi and Shar-drasha stood before the mechanical ork wielding the long sleek device. Not waiting to witness the weapons power Inushi dove towards the wall. A silent beam of energy passed over the space he had vacated.

With haste, Inushi got back up and scrambled towards the ork to stop it from firing again. Two steps and he leapt into the air bringing his katana back for a forward thrust. The mechanical suit the ork was wired into rocked as the green marine landed on the orks chest. With lightning speed he thrust forward his blade and then gasped as it was deflected by an unseen force.

Inushi hesitated at the surprising tech built into the suit. The millisecond it took Inushi to regain his focus was all the ork needed to grab a hold of him and smash him into the floor like a toy.

Air evacuated his body at the impact and Inushi didn’t need to look to know his backpack was badly damaged. On instinct alone Inushi did a side roll to avoid a boot the size of his chest when a heavy cloth shrouded his vision. Several loud clangs followed by an abnormally loud scream of agony. When Inushi crawled out from under the banner he saw Aquilum tearing off electronics and crushing the shoulders of the mechanical ork with his powerfist. Pyrox was unleashing a stream of super heated bolts from his plasma gun keeping the orks at bay in the hall way. Inushi couldn’t see the mek boys screaming face as the pole of one of the Aquilum’s banners was embedded into the back of the ork and heavy cloth dangled in front of its face.

Another burst of fire from Hunzuu pushed the orks back further into the hall as he stepped towards the arch way. Pyrox and Reven stepped up as well. Aquilum continued his removal of equipment from the ork as Inushi observed that the ork, which was still screaming, had ceased moving.

“Aquilum! I think it’s been disabled!” Inushi yelled at the yellow and pink marine.

Aquilum paused and stepped around the mek boy. The banner still dangled over the face of the ork. Screams of pain and anger continued as Aquilum slid aside the banner just long enough to see the furious visage of the now disabled ork. At the sight of the marine, the ork burst into a string of curses that even Aquilum stepped back from.

“Well then.” Aquilum recoiled, surprised by the extensive vulgar vocabulary of the ork and let the banner cover up the orks face once more.

DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA

Loud and sustained fire came from the hall way as Pyrox jumped back into the room.

“More incoming and these are actually equipped.” Reven quickly spoke.

“Inushi get Shar-drasha’s flamer, now!” Hunzuu demanded as he reloaded his smaller hand flamer.

Something about the command bothered Inushi as he spun around to see the crumpled form of Shar-drasha. Inushi walked over to the fallen angel and paused for a moment. Nearly a third of the marine’s body had vanished and the rest appeared to have been fried. Smoke casually wafted off the body. The sight upset him. Not because the marine had fallen but because he hadn’t noticed until now.

Inushi took one last look, stepped over the body, and retrieved the flamer. Gun fire from the hallway erupted once again as he saw the form of Aquilum looking at the corpse. Their gazes met, then as one they brought up their weapons and approached the arch way.

Above it all the form of Philosir watched, the first of many plugs began to detach from the device and return to the tech marine’s chest.

Love it Ice.
However, constructive criticism powers, ACTIVATE!

IceAngel wrote:The mechanical ork entered the room behind them wielding a sleek contraption that glowed with a violet hue

IceAngel wrote:When the flames died down Inushi and Shar-drasha stood before the mechanical ork that wielded the long sleek device. It appeared to ooze a purple light.

I feel like it sounds a bit redundant with the glowing/oozing light twice, maybe you could change the second one to say like "sleek, glowing device" or something

I saw something minor on my first read through but lost it, I'll let you know if i see it again.

Awesome work

BBL! How are you doing?

Suggestion taken and story updated. Please let me know if you see anything else.

SIDE NOTE: Now that we're approaching 20 pages of dakka blog and over 200 pages in word, do you think I should post a summary of what has happened up until now so that new readers can know whats going on without having to sit down and read EVERYTHING before hand? Possibly a chapter summary? Please, tell me what you think.

Good, you?

Story looks good, the update helped

I think you should put a summary on the first post, as well as copy everything over to an article so people can read it all in one convenient page

Very nice work Ice. Comments sent by e-mail.

Gits

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Good, you?

Story looks good, the update helped

I think you should put a summary on the first post, as well as copy everything over to an article so people can read it all in one convenient page

Funny you should mention that BBL. There actually is an article for people to go check out, but my story is WAY to long to fit into one article. I have been thinking about creating a site full of random things of mine, one of which would be the complete story all in one place. I'll keep you posted on that. As for adding a summary on the first post, I think I may do that. I'll let you know once I've added that in.

Gitsplitta wrote:Very nice work Ice. Comments sent by e-mail.

Gits

Thank you Git. Comments have been processed and the post has been further updated. Thanks for taking the time to point out some of my grammatical issues.

It's all I have left to poke a finger at. Your story telling is just too dang good for me to do anything but nitpick.


Aw shoot... see on thing I missed...

you wrote:

Inushi attempted to bring up his plasma when Shar-drasha stepped...

I think it should read...

"Inushi was attempting to bring up his plasma when Shar-drasha stepped..." since the two things are is happening concurrently in real time.

Thanks Git. Story has been updated.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

Happy Thanksgiving Ice!

belated happy thanksgiving!

I would post up a summery, just a quick one since it is pretty long at this point, plus that could help you since it'll force you to go through your old writing and sometimes you can find things you left behind that maybe you'd want to bring back

Really great stuff, i love the mek, and the ending with the fallen marine, that last line about the techmarine was an awesome visual, but i felt like it could be more vivid if you reword it a bit, something felt clunky about the word choices

Just skimmed through, found some great fiction here! I really like the concept for the Ice Angel chapter, too. Good work!

Sageheart wrote:belated happy thanksgiving!

I would post up a summery, just a quick one since it is pretty long at this point, plus that could help you since it'll force you to go through your old writing and sometimes you can find things you left behind that maybe you'd want to bring back

Really great stuff, i love the mek, and the ending with the fallen marine, that last line about the techmarine was an awesome visual, but i felt like it could be more vivid if you reword it a bit, something felt clunky about the word choices

Thanks Sage. I will have to think about that last line some. I may come up with some options and let you guys pick.

Ogryn wrote:Just skimmed through, found some great fiction here! I really like the concept for the Ice Angel chapter, too. Good work!

Thanks Ogryn! I'm glad you like.

Btw, it may not seem like it but apparently I've been slugging away at this story for two years now. I started this on 11/9/09. How crazy is that? I'm rather impressed with myself to still be working on a project this old. This is probably more of a feat for those of you that know me in real life.

I also would like to see a bit more of the blood rage and the customs of each chapter a bit more in combat. This just came into my head after rereading some of your story. I would think each marine fights in very similar patterns, but that some very small traits or changes could lead to interesting ways in showing character development.


This can be seen in vast differences such as the norse Space Wolf look and attitude placed next to the tribal White Scars, etc. But also just in little things. An example may be a certain crusade where its members had a particular motto, badge/tattoo, or certain small changes in combat doctrine.
An example would be marine X noticing that marine Y fires sparingly and realizes this must be from marine Y's experience during the Dakka Crusade where ammo was scarce, etc.

Just some ideas that came into my head. You just have a very complex and beautiful culture for your marines and I would like to see it more, and since you are placing a group of various chapters into combat together I would think that since their personal is very much based upon their combat abilities that it would come out strongly in their form.
Sorry for the length!

I like your ideas Sage. I try to differentiate the chapters while in combat and in doctrine but I haven't really had the marines themselves talk about these differences. I may try that.

Currently I've been working on my summary and I have come across a dilemma. How detailed shall I go and how should I break it down. At first I started with just a very general summary. I then went back and started looking over some of my posts, I had actually forgot about some of the random side things I wrote about along the way. So my question to you all is, if you were seeing this for the first time how much detail or how general should I be to get a new comer up to speed so they can read my latest post?

Go ahead, talk amongst yourselves.

Tough one. You need to describe the over-arching plot line so people can have an idea of context... and talk about about the main characters so some of the key names will be familiar to the reader.

Wow, I mean simply amazing IceAngel! As an inspiring writer I marvel at the amount of work and dedication you have put into this thread about your chapter. I believe the first post was made two years ago and your still working and enjoying your work, that is truly something to admire. I recently wrote some fluff for my new necron army I did not get any replies, it is ok though I believe it is because Necrons are not as popular as Space Marines. I will continue to work on my necron fluff but, you have inspired me to continue to work on my DIY chapter. I just wanted to stop by and give you praise for all your hard work and ask you what inspires you to continue to write?

Wow. Thanks for the great comment 1+1. As to your question, I continue to write because I have a story to tell that a handful of people enjoy reading. At first it was just for my own personal use but as more people got involved and the guest marines showed up the story grew and my urge to write wasn't as much for myself as it was for everyone else that has contributed. At this pace it will probably be another two years before I finish, but that's only book one. Book two will be crazy!

Now I will warn you, if you post fluff don't expect a lot of comments. If I get more then two responses after I post a chunk, I consider that a big success. Keep at your own writing and the readers will be more interested.

Oh and thanks for reading my fluff!

This summary is designed to catch any new readers up on my story. Of course, I recommend you read it all to better get to know the characters but this will give you a broad idea of what is going on. If any of you believe I need to add anything into the summary please let me know.

Our tale begins with the Veteran Squad Uttuakki on an infiltration mission into an ork rokk. The orks in the system have been defeated and the Ice Angels were dispatched to destroy all the stragglers before they flee the system. While the Uttuakki sabotage the ork rokk for the rest of the second company, several members stumble across a chamber deep in the rokk and discover a mutilated space marine prisoner. After the mission, the prisoner; Commander Vetov of the Emperor’s Tears, reveals a dark secret. There is a dark elder force hidden amongst the orks holding more astartes prisoners.

With this knowledge Second Captain Ruusa leads the Ice Angels towards the last rokk in the system. This time they discover a dark eldar temple hidden in it's depths. Here the Ice Angels find another prisoner, Pyrox of the Fire Angels. As the Angels search deeper they find the dark eldar are using warp gates to travel amongst the ork rokks. Upon discovering the presence of the Ice Angels, the Eldar attempt to activate a bomb to destroy the rokk and all the angels on it but are stopped by the second company. During the action Captain Ruusa is slain by the leader of the dark eldar who then escapes through the gate. The loss of the Captain Ruusa struck deep into Ice Angel moral and left the newest Ice Angel captain in charge of the veteran units, Captain Razzik.

Not all of the other Ice Angels have fully accepted the newest Captains position and tension between several other sergeants, namely Muttabriqu of the Uttuakki, makes Razzik’s current position even more difficult. However, the ancient Chaplain Cyaxeres is there to console the newest captain in the fine art of diplomacy.

The Ice Angels take their news to the war council on the Iron Torch but instead of praise they are reprimanded for disobeying orders and taking the situation into their own hands. To make matters worse Inquisitor Vervin was on board. She has a history with the Angels, and sends them on a suicide mission after Captain Razzik looses his temper, disputes the council’s claims, and disrespects the Inquisitor. Their mission was to go to the Kota system to find proof of the Dark Eldar involvement. However, the Kota system was deep in ork territory and believed to be the home system of the current ork waaaagh.

To further insult the Ice Angels, Inquisitor Vervin forces the Angels to take other marines. These marines were sent along to monitor the Ice Angels and confirm they follow through with their mission and not further dishonor their name. These four marines were Inushi of the Mantis Warrior, Desai of the Sky Wardens, Nefas of the Sinners Chapter, and Kvothe of the Shadow Sanctus Chapter.

Witnessing this entire exchange several other chapters sent true volunteers to aid the Ice Angels, Evrard of the Dark Angels, Reven of the Blood Angels, Inigo of the Sons of Hades, Jaska of the Marines Chrysemys, Walters the Red Talon, and finally Aquilum of the Emperor’s Fools.

With their newest companions, the Ice Angel ship the Frozen Rage, set out to the Kota system. The trip through the warp is long and the marines spend most of their time training, preparing, and getting to know one another. Cyaxeres learns that Desai of the Sky Wardens is on a suicide mission himself because he believes he will loose himself to the Black Rage. Whether Inushi wanted it or not, Aquilum befriends him and Inushi begins to learn about his loyalty and views on the Empire.

Eventually they arrived far out in space to silently slide into the Kota System. As they do, they watch the flooded system empty of orks as the true waaaagh was released into the surrounding systems. What are left are the stragglers and several score of space stations and ork held planets. Not far from the Frozen Rage position an ork transport sputtered with warp engine problems. Undetected, the Ice Angels moved in.

The entire Ice Angel Company and most of the guest marines board the ork vessel and commandeer the ship. Using it as their vessel, they entered into the system to look for clues as to the purpose or plans of the Dark Eldar. Meanwhile Tech Marine Philosir had his own mission suggestion, one of the ork held space stations has built around an ancient Imperial station, they will attempt to access the systems of the original station in the hope that learning the history of the Kota system will shed some light on the current situation.

Using an Ork Krooza Philosir takes a small unit of marines to infiltrate the station, which is where we currently are in our story.

Perfect summary Ice, its like reading a recap for a popular TV show

Nice summary Ice. e-mail sent.

Thanks guys. Edits have been applied.

I am currently reading the story (taking notes) you refer to HUD alot, what exactly is that?

Heads-up Display... i.e. the scanner (or whatever) appears on the inside of the windscreen of the vehicle or the visor of the marine.

Thanks Gitsplitta I knew it was some kind of communication device. I have to say that your dedication to your Mantis Warriors is just as impressive as IceAngel!

now I have to try to read yours aswell as IceAngels! I feel that you guys share the same interest as I do when it comes to the hobby! I have always enjoyed writing fluff but I never really thought to write and build my army at the same time! I think that by following in the Mantis Warriors and Ice Angel foot steps my army will come along nicely and I will enjoy the hobby alot more. I am a pretty good 40k player, and I write articles for my friend's blog I dont know how deep you are into strategy or what not, but this one I believe is one you two will enjoy!

http://19thlegion.blogspot.com/2011/11/confessions-of-waac-gamer.html

@1...etc: (gotta come up with a good nickname for you)

Not surprisingly Ice and I have become friends over dakka. His writing is fantastic and his modeling and painting are really nice too. Check out his Ice Angels and the army he did for last year's Adepticon, his Tiger Claws!

My blog is a monster, but if you're not up to reading the whole thing (even I'm not up to that) I've got the fist post linked to all the summaries and battle reports so you can just hit those & be pretty well caught up. Things are slow now as I'm painting figs for my kid's armies for Christmas, but they'll pick up with a vengeance afterwards.

I'll be sure to check it out. I am not a good 40k player but it's not for lack of trying. Too many rules sets bouncing around in my head and I don't have the retention I used to. Be happy to check out your work!

awe wheres my marine :( lol

That summery is very good, Great work, are yo ugoing to put it to the front?

Sageheart you gave me Brother Desai. He is in the summary.

oh sorry, my mistake. XD I missed read haha.

Me like the words you posted in story format. U need to word mur witt grammr that make U talinteeded.

Looking forward to more.

Thanks!

I think.

Greetings

Oh NOOO!!!!!... I have read all my way to the end and now I have to wait :(

Firstly, I like 40K fluff but I don't tend to read the fiction sections on Dakka (and 'other' sites). I suppose Gitsplitta highlighted your work but I would like to think that I would have read this sooner or later anyway.

Secondly, read all your stuff from beginning to end - took a few days but I'm glad I did! I really enjoy reading your stuff, it is very good.

I could be very annoying and point out some of the grammar/ spelling issues but I dunno... That might take some of the fun out of it.

Also, you have now led me into looking at the GMS thread, so well done there too! Keep it up, fella - I'm hoping that this will help me write up some fluff for my own Marines.

Ragsta

Jihad_Ragsta wrote:
Greetings

Oh NOOO!!!!!... I have read all my way to the end and now I have to wait :(

Firstly, I like 40K fluff but I don't tend to read the fiction sections on Dakka (and 'other' sites). I suppose Gitsplitta highlighted your work but I would like to think that I would have read this sooner or later anyway.

Secondly, read all your stuff from beginning to end - took a few days but I'm glad I did! I really enjoy reading your stuff, it is very good.

I could be very annoying and point out some of the grammar/ spelling issues but I dunno... That might take some of the fun out of it.

Also, you have now led me into looking at the GMS thread, so well done there too! Keep it up, fella - I'm hoping that this will help me write up some fluff for my own Marines.

Ragsta

Thanks Ragsta! Feel free to point out any grammatical issues, just shoot me a PM and I'll fix. You should definitely check out the GMS thread. It's good motivation to improve your painting skills, at least it was for me.

After reading through the entire thread in only a few days, how many hours would you say that took you?

I always welcome improving my painting skills so I'll make my presence known on the GMS soon.

Hmm, good question. Well, after filtering your thread (awesome function that - no reflection on your other followers though!) I think the entire story must have taken me roughly 8 hours. I was rather drunk on squig beer on several occasions so can't be too sure but definitely 6 hours anyway.

It was time well spent - one thing you have really managed to achieve is create different personalities with your Marines. You also had me wanting to throttle that Inquisitor myself, which I commend you for! Do you have any background in creative writing?

Keep up the good work anyway. One minor thing that had me guessing was the boarding action against the Ork kroozer - you refer to the Imperial Navy during this part of the story, which had me trying to work out if the Frozen Rage had some Navy escorts involved too.

Keep up the good work

Jihad_Ragsta wrote: Do you have any background in creative writing?

No I do not, but I did take one class in college for fun.

Jihad_Ragsta wrote:Keep up the good work anyway. One minor thing that had me guessing was the boarding action against the Ork kroozer - you refer to the Imperial Navy during this part of the story, which had me trying to work out if the Frozen Rage had some Navy escorts involved too.

The Frozen Rage does not have an Imperial Escort, but it is staffed by Imperial Naval Personnel. I think the section in which you are referring to is when they assault the kroozer before unleashing the train. All of the attack vessels the Frozen Rage unleashed were piloted by the Imperial Navy.

EDIT: Can somebody please post something really fast so I can post more story? I try to keep my comments separate from my story and I don't want it to auto edit. Thanks!

No prob Ice!
Looking forward to reading it

Inushi’s hand was vibrating. He looked down at his trusty Mk III plasma pistol. The glow of the ancient device was still strong, but it vibrated in his hand as if a creature was trying to escape. The royal purple of the stock and the mirror silver of the barrel gave him a sense of pride. He slid it back into its holster and thought of the first time he rebuilt the device and claimed it as his own. The memory filled his thoughts for a flickering instant before he refocused on the situation at hand.

“Here they come again!” Hunzuu shouted as the war cries of the orks grew in intensity.

Inushi drew Shar-drasha’s flamer up to his chest and took his position next to the still motionless, still screaming, mechanized ork. Aquilum was several steps ahead of him and finishing his reload when another surge of orks crested the room once again.

The marines let the first few greenskins enter the room before Inushi and Hunzuu lit up the ones behind. Aquilum, Reven, and Pyrox met the orks in hand to hand. Chain blades roared, axes bit into armor, a pink powerfist pummeled, and in the center of it all the gore covered form of Pyrox removed limbs and disabled greenskins.

Inushi and Hunzuu stopped flaming and moved up to the flanks of the battle as more greenskins rounded the corner into the room. With the flamer attached to his hip he drew his katana and lunged forward. The long blade effortlessly pierced their flesh and as the orks pushed he found himself able to pierce through more then one ork at a time. Unfortunately the swell of orks began to push the marines back. The slain stood standing as they were held up by the second ranks of orks before being pushed forward towards the marines.

With a backwards hop Inushi swung in an arc in an attempt to keep the orks at bay, all while he monitored Aquilum to his left. The Emperor’s Fool was bludgeoning his opponents with his storm bolter in between shots and punching with his pink powerfist. However even he was slowing stepping back. Inushi jabbed at several orks trying to get between him and Aquilum. The line had to hold or they would be quickly over run.

Looking past Aquilm Inushi tried to see Reven, but only caught the glimpse of his yellow helm. He felt confident in Revens abilities as the near constant fountain of blood gave him an indication of how he was managing.

After another quick jab from his katana Inushi side stepped around the form of the disabled ork. Not far to his left the wall of orks opened up as if they were giving birth. The form of Pyrox tumbled out, deceased orks dropped over one another as Pyrox rolled back onto his feet. His right arm dangled at a strange angle before Pyrox gave a swift jerk, placing it back where it needed to be. Reven and Aquilum both stepped back to protect the Fire Angel, which in turn forced Hunzuu and Inushi to close in.

Inushi fought within reach of the disabled ork but he saw several grots running under its legs. An ork was also squeezing between the ork and wall. Inushi lowered his guard for a moment as he imagined the future of the battle and what the effects this would have on the fight.

An object that he didn’t see coming stuck his helm. The shock and strength of the blow pushed him back several steps. His helm suffered major damage and his head throbbed. Inushi swung at another arc and tried to reclaim the ground he had lost but the orks pushed in. The powered katana sliced and dismembered. The greenskins didn’t relent. Inushi reached for the flamer and brought it up to chest level. The satisfying squeeze of the trigger initiated a disappointing sputter of flame. In milliseconds Inushi’s focus zoomed in on the tank of the flamer and he saw the hole evacuating its last occupant.

As if they sensed weakness in the room the greenskins pushed with renewed force. Inushi was forced to take several steps back as he had to engage more and more enemies. Aquilum tried to get involved but there were too many of them and he had his own issues. The line began to fold in on itself and the marines found themselves backing up against the rear wall.

Inushi leapt into the air so his foot could reshape an orks face. Before his two feet had returned to the ground he had unsheathed his combat blade. Katana in his left and knife in his right he tried to push back. His anger at his situation fueled his swings. Inushi dropped two foes simultaneously as a flash of sharpened steel came at him in as an upward thrust. Inushi was forced to bend into a crescent shape as the sharpened steel blades of a power claw closed in the air where his stomach had been.

Four blades, six hydrolic lines, left handed, well kept, one large ork glyph, the word “Nutsnippa” was inscribed on the thumb blade. Inushi absorbed it all. His focus was so intense he ceased to hear.

The claw retracted and Inushi swiped with his combat knife. The knife scraped across the body of the claw but the damage was superficial. The two nearest orks were still falling from their own wounds as the short form of a hunched ork came into view behind them. The one eyed ork had no neck and no facial expression. Its blank disposition tugged at a nerve that further upset the Mantis Warrior. Without hesitation Inushi went for a downward slice with his katana as the ork deflected with a short bladed hatchet.

Anger continued to fuel his swings as Inushi attempted a forward thrust with his knife. The short but extremely muscular ork tilted just enough to avoid the thrust. Inushi glared as his combat knife sliced the simple vest the greenskin wore. Now over extended Inushi’s glare turned into a look of shock as the initial pressure of the claw began to close around his stomach.

Inushi’s focus was drawn into the one blood shot eye of the ork. There was no fear in that lonely eye, no pain, no joy, nor was there a hint of anger. Inushi felt his focus slipping as he stared at the eye. The red eye blankly stared back.

Inushi knew that time would return to its normal speed at any moment. He knew that sound would return to him like a crashing thunderhawk, but worst of all he knew that death was approaching. The abdominal pressure turned into pain as the claws breached his armor and cut into flesh.

Time returned with a vengeance and the next few seconds were a blur. One moment he was preparing to die the next he was being pulled back to the wall. The powered claw snapped shut with only four tips of blood in the space before him. Aquilum took a blow to the chest after saving him but held his own while Inushi regained his footing.

Another two orks swung at Inushi. His reflexes alone saved him. His retaliation was swift but as they fell with deep gashes and missing limbs, more moved in. Inushi frantically looked around for the one eyed ork as he fought, but he was no where to be seen.

The volume of the battle was ear shattering but some how a single voice pierced the shroud of noise. The joyous scream of victory from Aquilum brought on a quizzical expression from Inushi. But before he could ask he saw the answer. The red armored form of Philosir was dropping from the ceiling. Arms out stretched, paper thin axe in hand, servo arms wielding weapons he had never seen before, the tech marine plummeted into the throng of orks like a meteor breaching a pond.

Inushi couldn’t see the landing, but when a monotone shout to the Emperor breached his ears, the marines pushed back.

....... AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

Fantastic piece Ice! No edits or suggestions on my part. Had me worried there... *gulp*

Gah.... I want to know what happens next!!!

Thanks guys! I hope you all had good holidays. Mine was great. A bit light on the warhammer side of things but thats okay. The one 40k thing that I did receive was a version of Captain Razzik created by my friend. I thought that was cool. Once I base him I'll put up a picture.

HRRUUK, one of the tech marines servo mounted arms barked. The guttural sound reminded Inushi of the war cry the armored simians from his home world would scream. The floor trembled from the explosion and yet another wave of sound smashed into Inushi.

The explosion paused many of the orks mid-combat. The marines didn’t hesitate to take advantage and in moments another row of orks were collapsing to the floor. Sensing the change of pace in the battle Inushi leapt forward over the small wall of bodies in front of him to engage the now confused greenskins.

Aquilum and the other marines had the same idea. Orks began to panic and flee as the row of astartes began to retake the room.

HRRUUK, the tech marines arm barked again. This time Inushi was able to witness the weapon in action over the mob of combat between him and Philosir. One of the tech marines arms ended in a claw with a wrist mounted barrel. A thin tube ran from the barrel down the servo arm to disappear into the massive back pack of the tech marine. Inushi examined the blast as it occurred. Given the results of the blast it had to be some sort of explosive akin to the grenades on Inushi’s hip, albeit Philosir’s blast was larger then any grenade Inushi wielded.

He wanted to review the weapon once more but a surviving ork decided to interrupt his concentration and take a swing at him. Inushi dodged the lazy swipe and retaliated with a two handed slice that dropped the ork to the floor. Inushi looked down upon the greenskin and watched as its final gurgle escaped its lips. When he looked up Philosir was completing a full revolution with his two handed axe, leaving a trail of tumbling body parts.

The chuckles of Aquilum floated into Inushi’s ear. Pyrox ran past Inushi chasing fleeing orks towards the hallway with Reven and Hunzuu right behind him. Philosir calmly walked over to the motionless armored ork and began to remove the bizarre elongated weapon that took the life of Shar-Drasha. Inushi took a deep breath and surveyed the room. The floor was littered with corpses, many of which were on fire. The room glowed from the chemical flames. The stench of death and burning promethium had slowly been creeping through his helms filtration system and was getting stronger with each intake of air.

“Report,” Philosir requested as he finished removing the weapon. He held it up, closely examining it before removing some ork additions to the weapon.

“Nothing from the left but I hear them.” Reven stated after a glimpse down the hall.

“I can see a dozen down the right side waiting.” Hunzuu followed up.

“Prepare to move,” Philosir added before leveling the weapon in his right hand, one of his servo arms was holding the weapon from underneath to steady the gun. In his left hand he held the axe. Inushi blinked twice before he realized the axe had minimized for one handed use. Two of the three remaining servo arms opened and closed near the floor occasionally nudging bodies as if they were checking for life signs.

Aquilum stepped up to Philosir and the mechanized ork. With his powerfist he pushed aside the still hanging banner past the face of the ork. The ork had stopped screaming in anger and pain but still looked furious. Aquilum didn’t acknowledge the ork, instead he stared at Philosir waiting for a response.

With a side glance at the armored ork suit the tech marine slammed his axe into a panel to the side of the orks face and the unseen force field popped. Without further action he stepped away. The furious ork dropped his jaw and for a moment had a pitiful look across his face. Up until the point Aquilum’s fist pulverized it.

“That’s for Shar-Drasha.” Aquilum whispered. Inushi mumbled a prayer to the Emperor as Aquilum roughly cut the bottom half of the ork banner off. He then removed the top half of the banner from the pole, swung it over his back, and attached it to his back pack. The heavy fabric brushed the floor and the corners sizzled as they smothered some of the flames on the floor. Aquilum turned and nodded to Inushi. Inushi had seen many marines take battlefield trophies as reminders of their past, but he could only shake his head at the hideous filthy banner now adorned by a pink and yellow armored marine.

A soft whistle began to build from the device in Philosir’s arms. The pitch began to rise and the subtle violet hue once again began to glow. With several quick adjustments it continued its whistle. Hunzuu bounded across the room to gather the remains of Shar-Drasha. The fallen Ice Angel made every marine in the room grit their teeth, only Pyrox spoke a simple prayer for the fallen.

Philosir stepped closer to the entrance of the octagonal room. Two of his servo arms picked up mostly whole ork bodies. They held them in front of the red armored marine like bloody robes waiting to be cleaned. The sleek device peaked between the limp bodies bathing the two bodies in purple light.

With a final look at the marines through his plethora of optical units Philosir spoke, “Follow me.”

I like it Ice... nice transition out of the melee'.

That was fantastic! I love this thread!

Thanks guys!

Oooh love the narrative Ice! I was actually wondering how they would finish that combat.

I do like how your analyzing the battle from a marines point of view as well, it gives great insight into how the marine would fight, please do more of this