Never had a problem. I picked this game up becuase I suffered a bad depression and needed something new in my life.

dayve110 wrote:

Corey85 wrote:Yeah, its sad, I once saw someone from work and passed the store all together. I went in the book store that is a few buildings up and milled around until I figured they were gone...

I take my case to work with me... If anyone asks, i'll show them and try to explain. Everyone has eccentricities so why hide?
Although its nice to always carry a few select "favorites" with regards to painting quality on the top shelf, just so you don't say "Oh this my space marine army" And its all half-painted WiP's

THIS is so true. lol. When someone asks about the hobby, I always end up showing my best minis, or pics taken from a Games Day to explain what the hobby looks like.

Ketara is spot on with the C.S Lewis quote, never been ashamed of the hobby.

Will talk about it to folks at work, obviously not ramming it down their throats, but everyone at the shop knew I was attending a 40K doubles tourny this weekend.

Even if the only response is 'ah, that to do with your little men' when I reply to, doing anything fancy on your weekend away.

I set up and ran games clubs back in Cornwall, brought quite a fair few folks into the hobby over the years between 1991 and 2001.

I've had GW themed bags in the past, and my leather jacket is covered in WoD badges, as Roleplay is often looked down upon in a similar way as wargaming.

So yeah, not something that bothers me, I just hope my sons are good with it as well, as they are already referencing without any hint of shame GW, WoW and Fantasy related things now in primary school, which was much younger than when I first interacted with the hobby.

Get a job.

No, really - once you have a stake in your reputation, you'll understand why folks that work in offices don't wear Inquisition tie tacks.

It's not about shame, it's about not being able to manage other people's impressions.

Listen to me now and believe me later: all games are Dungeons and Dragons. And Dungeons and Dragons is, at best, for weirdos who live in their parent's basements and have never touched boobies - or, at worst, ticking time-bombs of office-killing-spree-waiting-to-happen.

I am very sorry, but whether they admit it or not, that is what 99.99998% of non-gamers think of anyone that plays a game that isn't Monopoly, a sport, or can't be loaded into an X-Box. And it's the kiss of death to your chances at advancement, or even being taken seriously in a meeting.

You keep work and gaming separate. Not because you are ashamed, but because you can't change what other people will think. And, they'll always think the worst, especially if there's some advantage in it for them.

This may have been said, and it's very "After School Special" but I have at one time or another been embarrassed of my various hobbies that would classify me as a "nerd" in the eyes of the general public. What made me stop was thinking about all the friends I had currently, and how most of them actually new about what I did. Anyone who can't enjoy your company due to the enjoyment you receive from a hobby is probably a jack .

Besides, it's not my sole interest. I work out, run, write, read fine works of literature, own a gun...hell all sorts of things. Categorizing someone by one facet of their life is short sighted and is the mark of a very shallow and sad person.

Then again the above poster has a bit of a point. I doubt i'd bring this stuff up in a professional atmosphere, simply because it'd be something I do in my off time. But then again, I don't work with my friends.

I was always embarassed about my nerdy hobbies. I was caught between both worlds in school and after I went on to College. I played sports at both levels and the friends I had at either end of the spectrum were very important to me, not to mention the girls.

... and yes, unless you're very, very lucky girls don't like nerdy nerds who play with toys. We (boyfriends/siginificant other) are an extention of their identity to other women and some women care more about perception than others. Especially during our teen years. We are all subject to this to some degree.

I was completely at the mercy of my hormones and my limited intellectual capacity which was the end result.

In all seriousness, I lost many a good friend because of the fear of humiliation had I been "found out".

I think there are many of us here on Dakka Dakka who wouldn't mind the chance to go back and replay certain events.

Be proud but don't be loud. It's important to be confident in what you enjoy, without sounding like an ass.

Gaming as a whole is growing rapidly right now, with the NASL getting starting in the states and more and more people getting exposed to games, all kinds of games are being show more.

Tabletop gaming was always considered by most to be board games, or DnD. With the intoduction of DoW to the pc and the other 40k games in the past (though I feel DoW really pushed it forward) 40k is now growing rapidly.

I live in what could be considered backwoods country atm. I spray paint my guys outside of my apartment and people come by and ask what I'm spraying. Many different kinds. Most are interested. It's all about being friendly. Hell I've recently gotten 3 people into the hobby, and the manager at my FLGS is quite happy, hahaha.

VoidAngel wrote:Get a job.

No, really - once you have a stake in your reputation, you'll understand why folks that work in offices don't wear Inquisition tie tacks.

It's not about shame, it's about not being able to manage other people's impressions.

Listen to me now and believe me later: all games are Dungeons and Dragons. And Dungeons and Dragons is, at best, for weirdos who live in their parent's basements and have never touched boobies - or, at worst, ticking time-bombs of office-killing-spree-waiting-to-happen.

I am very sorry, but whether they admit it or not, that is what 99.99998% of non-gamers think of anyone that plays a game that isn't Monopoly, a sport, or can't be loaded into an X-Box. And it's the kiss of death to your chances at advancement, or even being taken seriously in a meeting.

You keep work and gaming separate. Not because you are ashamed, but because you can't change what other people will think. And, they'll always think the worst, especially if there's some advantage in it for them.

Sorry to hear this.

Maybe I'm lucky, but I'm well employed as an engineer, and I get no weird looks from co-workers for my hobbies. I actually play 40k with one co-worker and have player DnD with another. I don't worry about hiding it, as it is just another hobby.

Formosa wrote:
you got a GF that knits... lucky SOB lol, my GF's hobby is cinematography .... so expensive, might get her a knitting kit hmmm

DON'T!

My wife knits. You've never known expensive until you go into a yarn store and find a $30 ball of yarn, and a sweater made out of it requires 10+ balls. I always viewed knitting as a cheap hobby using cheap yarn found at Walmart, but just like 40k, there's a whole world of stuff out there if you dig into it.

Hahaha...engineers are *expected* to be weird! It's a job requirement!

;-P

It's like any hobby/interest, talk about it if asked about it but don't go blah blahing to people who have no interest in it. If someone asks you about the codex you're reading on your lunch break, give the generic 'oh its a manual for a game I play' and if they express more interest, go more in depth.

It's like that lady at the office who won't shut the eff up about her cats or her kids. The only people who care are people who are cat people or parents, everyone else is just looking for that out in the conversation so they can go somewhere else. Gaming, in general has a smaller base of people who will be interested by default.

A significant other, by default should have at least a rudimentary 'interest' in your hobby and if they don't you should DTMFA (check with Dan Savage on what that means if you don't know, or cant guess the acronym)

This said- high school is a different animal than when you are in college or university or the working world, so most of the 'grown up' advice wont help kids much at all.

There's a LOT to be said for a spouse or girlfriend with their own interests, and the wisdom to leave you to yours.

Mine's impression of her first time around my friend's goes like this, "Blah blah blah 'warhammer' blah blah blah."

Did she head for the hills? No. When I built a game room and a workshop, did she demand a sun porch and lacy curtains? No.

We have our own tastes and interests - and it works out great. We respect each other's hobbies, while acknowledging that neither has any idea what the attraction is.

I get to play games (she asks how I did and if it was a good game), and she gets to look at purses and shoes (and I tell her they look great with her outfit).

Don't think you've got to find a gamer chic to have a shot at happiness. You just need to find a gaming tolerant partner.

DON'T!

My wife knits. You've never known expensive until you go into a yarn store and find a $30 ball of yarn, and a sweater made out of it requires 10+ balls. I always viewed knitting as a cheap hobby using cheap yarn found at Walmart, but just like 40k, there's a whole world of stuff out there if you dig into it.

LOL quote for truth man, her spending on her hobbie totally legitimises mine, there are books different type of needle, crochet hooks, patterns and that not even including Wool/Yarn.

Nearly every week she come up we end up in hobby craft, if i spent what she did I'd have a hell of a lot more tanks

Gaming in High School can make you a bit of a target. I try not to mention it, but I don't hide it either. I don't read Codices in class, but I also don't flip out and start anxiously looking about the room if Warhammer comes up. The most important thing is confidence; people can't make you feel inferior without your consent. Once they see that, they will back off.

If you can bench press a Buick, or have a black belt in Curbstomp-su-do - then you can carry your codex through the halls with confidence.

I had a friend who was freaking enormous. He'd tell people about his D&D characters and then look at them like, "say something." It was a riot.

I'm a part of a fraternity and even my Theta Chi (pronounced Kai) brothers, at least the ones I've shown them to, like my minis. Some bros in the house also play so go figure lol. But in general I don't have that big of a problem telling people I play, it's certainly not the first detail about my life and hobbies that I bring up to people but I'm not ashamed of it =).

The thing that i dont understand, at least here in the Army, is that it is completely ok, and "cool" to waste all free time on WoW, but its completely over the top nerdy to play table top wargames. It's odd how there has been an apparent shift in what is deemed nerdy, and what is "acceptable".


Ultimately i have no shame over playing 40k, but most of those people who i really work with know that i paint models, and those who have been to my house either play, or know what alot of them are for. And for those WoW "gamers" that i have to work with, who attempt to make fun of my hobbies are asked what they have to show for their money, or what could the bring in to work to show everyone?

I had a weekend job working in a shop that sold gw stuff, left school and ended up running the place so i never had the option of hiding my hobby. I never understood folks who do hide it i mean its your life, hobby, money, time, friends, social activity and enjoyment no one elses so what buisness of theres is it what you do. Life is full of complete crap 90% of the time so if 40k is in the 10% that makes you happy do it its not worth hiding it or being embarassed just a waste of effort lol

I'm 33 and I Just don't give a flying rat's ass about what anyone thinks about what I do. No one's opinion defines who I am. i.e. not in High School anymore, matter of fact I didn't do it then either. lol

lots of repressed nerd machismo in this thread imo

Ensis Ferrae wrote:The thing that i dont understand, at least here in the Army, is that it is completely ok, and "cool" to waste all free time on WoW, but its completely over the top nerdy to play table top wargames. It's odd how there has been an apparent shift in what is deemed nerdy, and what is "acceptable".

Not really. You can't go 5 minutes watching TV without seeing a video game commercial (probably for Cataclysm). When's the last time you saw a commercial for Space Hulk?

It's a matter of exposure. "Well, if there are GameStops and commercials everywhere, videogames must be mainstream! If it's mainstream, it can't be geeky...right?" (which is true)

Contrast that to, "I play a futuristic tabletop wargame." o.O *crickets* *tumbleweeds*

Yeah... I've never had any issues. I discuss 40k at the bar with friends. I even talked about it at work when the other guy who played still worked here. I've shown people here stuff I've painted before, and I tell them that I line them up, make "pew pew" noises at the other person's army men, and then we drink beer. People get a riot out of it, and they've complimented me on some of my better paint jobs. Any job that would have people attempting to persecute you upon anything perceived as 'different' or an 'oddity' is not one I would be keeping long. Life's too short for petty stuff to get in the way of getting gak done.

I mean, I'm not walking around with an Aquila tattooed on my forehead, and I typically keep the stuff tucked away as best as possible when a lady is over (last time I got, "Oh God, Brad, what have you done?"), but it's not about shame, it's about not being overwhelming. Big difference between breaking it out and showing them if they're curious, and them curiously walking into the game room and seeing stuff splayed out EVERYWHERE. Also, there's something off-putting to people when they realize for the first time that there are people out there who spend dangerous amounts of time out of their lives thinking about a game involving injection molded plastic models of times, events, and objects that will never exist. Especially when it's a subculture they didn't even know previously existed. Imagine how creeped out the average person would be if they knew furries exist, for example.

But at the same time, any person who was thought to be my friend I need not waste time on if they're not cool enough to accept what I do. Any lady-friend is not worth my effort if she can't at least come to grips with the fact that I play games. Life's just too short to let such people impact you.

When your an adult in the big wide world nobody really cares.

Although this applies.

ViodAngel wrote:
Get a job.

No, really - once you have a stake in your reputation, you'll understand why folks that work in offices don't wear Inquisition tie tacks.

It's not about shame, it's about not being able to manage other people's impressions.

Listen to me now and believe me later: all games are Dungeons and Dragons. And Dungeons and Dragons is, at best, for weirdos who live in their parent's basements and have never touched boobies - or, at worst, ticking time-bombs of office-killing-spree-waiting-to-happen.

I am very sorry, but whether they admit it or not, that is what 99.99998% of non-gamers think of anyone that plays a game that isn't Monopoly, a sport, or can't be loaded into an X-Box. And it's the kiss of death to your chances at advancement, or even being taken seriously in a meeting.

You keep work and gaming separate. Not because you are ashamed, but because you can't change what other people will think. And, they'll always think the worst, especially if there's some advantage in it for them.

When your in school, appearance is everything. If your not *Ahem* 'normal' (seriously define this please.) then your someone to be attacked either verbally or sometimes physically to show dominance. Reputation is just a big as appearance. Someone hears your a pushover who doesn't stand up for yourself then you'll have more problems than ever especially if you've got the type of friends who'll just back away from an aggressor rather than help you.

Luckily in my place I managed to stand out. Got me attention from idiots. (for british people read as chavs). Luckily for me I get a reputation as a bit of a pyscho because I flipped out instead of just taking the punishment. That stops people all in itself.

I think a policy of "Don't tell unless asked" is a good 'un. Because if you walk into a room like "Hai guise I like Warhamz." Then your imposing your hobby on others which isn't great as your forcing them to hear about it. If they ask then they're more likely to want to know.

Also this is a good quote too

Anyway, the fact is, especially during adolescence (which is the age range most of these 'should i hide my wargames' threads seem to concern, if we indulge in a hobby that is considered not socially normal, regardless of how the largely ignorant view is distributed, you will be isolated and attacked (not necessarily physically) by those peers considered to be 'cool' or 'popular'.

I appreciate that it is very frustrating for gamers to see people asking advice on whether to hide their hobby at school etc, but not all gamers are capable of the self confidence and emotional integrity to be able to defend themselves against a continued onslaught from a group of morons. For them it is easier to hide away their hobbies an d indulge in private than to endure the terrors of the school bully or popularity hierarchy. I was bullied quite badly at school for having long hair and listening to metal (about 80% of the school liked 'popular' music and all had the same haircut). I was fortunate enough to develop the ability to stop feeling emotions, especially negative ones as a defense mechanism. For some people this is not so easy, and since they cannot defend themselves as well as others fitting in appears to be the easier option.

Once you hit about 20 and school is a distant memory, everyone stops giving a rat's ass. Most of my friends know I wargame, most of them think it's sad and pointless, but, as we are all mature adults, no one really cares. More to the point, if at the age of 20 or older a person feels the need to isolate and attack others based on how they spend their free time, perhaps it is them who are flawed, rather than you for discussing the finer points of a codex over a nice cold beer.

(Sorry I forgot who wrote it. Legion something.)

I dont keep it a secret as such but i dont broadcast it either, this is mainly because of the environment i work in, its petty, bitchy and immature and most people wouldnt understand or accept it as a legitimate hobby. If its not tits and football (not that theres anything wrong with tits mind) or shopping and watching eastenders it doesnt qualify as time well spent.

rather than have to explain it over and over again to people who wont understand i dont bother. If someone finds out im not embarrassed or try to hide it though.

I'm with VoidAngel on this one. There's no reason to give people a bad impression. Understanding the stereotypes that others have is an important part of social interaction. Knowing how and when to avoid triggering negative stereotypes is a skill that is necessary to get by in the world at large. That's just the way things are.

I don't talk about my hobby with anyone but my gaming partners. Why? Because nobody wants to hear about my hobby, in exactly the same way that I don't give a flying feth about drinking, cars, sports teams, or the latest episode of Jersey Shore.

Other people (who happen to be in the majority) have a certain culture that I find completely uninteresting. I don't enjoy being immersed in it. Why should I expect them to feel differently about my own culture? Just because I'm a nerd doesn't give me some sort of pass on imposing my culture on other people. It's just as annoying as when someone rambles on about a soccer player or whatever.

/rant

VikingScott wrote:

I think a policy of "Don't tell unless asked" is a good 'un. Because if you walk into a room like "Hai guise I like Warhamz." Then your imposing your hobby on others which isn't great as your forcing them to hear about it. If they ask then they're more likely to want to know.

Quoted for truth. People like to talk about the things they are interested in, everyone relates more easily to people with similar interests. So the reaction of a non-gamer may range from polite dis-interest to "gee, I don't have much in common with this person." (5 years ago that would have been my reaction.) It might be true if one is a fanatic, or it could be a false impression generated by coming off as over-enthusiastic. Unfortunately people who aren't interested in fantasy have probably only been exposed to it by anoraks, and will make assumptions. A friend who already knows other sides of you might be intrigued enough to care about your interest, but otherwise respect the other fellow's actual level of interest.

Im not embarrassed to play or paint....typically I will do both in front of strangers if I have to. I have played at a GW in a mall before and didnt feel embarrassed about doing that either. What defines/categorizes nerdism is society and im not concerned with what random strangers perception of me is. I think that watching reality television and facebooking every 5 seconds is just as nerdy but also adds the element of being a complete waist of time! At least I gain a since of accomplishement and have an outlet for imagination. I hope no one ever feels ashamed to play or collect this game...when it comes down to it, we are playing with little army men, embrace it.

The only thing I can see myself becoming embarrassed with is at what age is it inappropriate to play (if any)? I have always said to myself that one day when painting miniatures destroys my vision and I need glasses, that its probably time to hang it up. Although I cant imagine playing this in my mid 30's....I feel like this game/hobby has a shelf life kinda like an athlete, around 35 is when people should retire from it. Although I will most likely pull a Brett Favre and keep coming out of retirement!

Element206 wrote:Im not embarrassed to play or paint....typically I will do both in front of strangers if I have to. I have played at a GW in a mall before and didnt feel embarrassed about doing that either. What defines/categorizes nerdism is society and im not concerned with what random strangers perception of me is. I think that watching reality television and facebooking every 5 seconds is just as nerdy but also adds the element of being a complete waist of time! At least I gain a since of accomplishement and have an outlet for imagination. I hope no one ever feels ashamed to play or collect this game...when it comes down to it, we are playing with little army men, embrace it.

Hear, hear!

Element206 wrote:The only thing I can see myself becoming embarrassed with is at what age is it inappropriate to play (if any)? I have always said to myself that one day when painting miniatures destroys my vision and I need glasses, that its probably time to hang it up. Although I cant imagine playing this in my mid 30's....I feel like this game/hobby has a shelf life kinda like an athlete, around 35 is when people should retire from it. Although I will most likely pull a Brett Favre and keep coming out of retirement!

Why 35 as your cutoff? I sure hope I'll still have my vision and a steady enough hand to paint five years from now! I don't really see why there should be any upper age limit. I don't see why it should be inappropriate for people older than 35 to play. Such people need some relaxation, too. Does staring at Facebook suddenly become more productive/cool after 35? I work at a relatively high-stress job and I find sitting down for an hour to model or paint is a fantastic stress reliever. I imagine I'll appreciate such stress relief until I retire. Same goes for the social aspect of getting together with friends and meeting new ones to play a game. I don't see my enjoyment of the intellectualy/tactical aspect of it declining as years go by, either.

NWansbutter wrote:

Element206 wrote:Im not embarrassed to play or paint....typically I will do both in front of strangers if I have to. I have played at a GW in a mall before and didnt feel embarrassed about doing that either. What defines/categorizes nerdism is society and im not concerned with what random strangers perception of me is. I think that watching reality television and facebooking every 5 seconds is just as nerdy but also adds the element of being a complete waist of time! At least I gain a since of accomplishement and have an outlet for imagination. I hope no one ever feels ashamed to play or collect this game...when it comes down to it, we are playing with little army men, embrace it.

Hear, hear!

Element206 wrote:The only thing I can see myself becoming embarrassed with is at what age is it inappropriate to play (if any)? I have always said to myself that one day when painting miniatures destroys my vision and I need glasses, that its probably time to hang it up. Although I cant imagine playing this in my mid 30's....I feel like this game/hobby has a shelf life kinda like an athlete, around 35 is when people should retire from it. Although I will most likely pull a Brett Favre and keep coming out of retirement!

Why 35 as your cutoff? I sure hope I'll still have my vision and a steady enough hand to paint five years from now! I don't really see why there should be any upper age limit. I don't see why it should be inappropriate for people older than 35 to play. Such people need some relaxation, too. Does staring at Facebook suddenly become more productive/cool after 35? I work at a relatively high-stress job and I find sitting down for an hour to model or paint is a fantastic stress reliever. I imagine I'll appreciate such stress relief until I retire. Same goes for the social aspect of getting together with friends and meeting new ones to play a game. I don't see my enjoyment of the intellectualy/tactical aspect of it declining as years go by, either.

As a 32 year old, I can say that it IS sometimes disheartening to go to my LFGS and EVERYBODY in there is younger than me, including the staff. I often get approached by customers as the store manager.
When I first went in the staff thought I was going to buy stuff for my kids, (I don't have any yet) but now they know I have disposable income and a growing IG army they always seem very happy to see me....
I must admit that my battle time is very limited as I don't play in the store unless my I know for definite that my similar-age friends will be there, as I would just feel uncomfortable battling with the FLGS standard 13yr old customer. Not because they aren't a bunch of decent kids, but because it just seems that nowadays in our politically correct, fearful society it has the potential to cause hassle with overprotective suspicious parents. Sad but true.

Daedricbob wrote:
As a 32 year old, I can say that it IS sometimes disheartening to go to my LFGS and EVERYBODY in there is younger than me, including the staff. I often get approached by customers as the store manager.
When I first went in the staff thought I was going to buy stuff for my kids, (I don't have any yet) but now they know I have disposable income and a growing IG army they always seem very happy to see me....
I must admit that my battle time is very limited as I don't play in the store unless my I know for definite that my similar-age friends will be there, as I would just feel uncomfortable battling with the FLGS standard 13yr old customer. Not because they aren't a bunch of decent kids, but because it just seems that nowadays in our politically correct, fearful society it has the potential to cause hassle with overprotective suspicious parents. Sad but true.

Fortunately the crowd at my FLGS is quite a bit older, I'm actually one of the younger ones there (at 30).

I don't march around prclaiming to the world that I'm a nerd, but I have no poblem explaining it if someone asks what it is.

List of nerdy things I have done (To list just a few):
Dungeons and Dragons
Vampire: The Masquerade
Serenity: The Firefly RPG
Warhammer 40K
Helped a friend construct a map of the Pokémon world out of A3 paper.
Played Magic: The Gathering

List of nerdy things I have done that I am ashamed of:
N/A.

I have always been very, very nerdy, and I have never felt shame for it, I am proud that I can play such things and be focused with them without fearing the judgement of less open-minded people. For example, when I told my Dad that I was going to start playing Dungeons and Dragons, he ranted at me that such games were for losers with no friends, and I asked why he thought that, seeing as it is a social-game which REQUIRES other people, and playing that and finding it fun and interesting is no different to his hobby, playing in a band. Except of course, he gets payed for his hobby

Nerdiness is not something to be ashamed of. It's something to revel in

Luckily, my high school had a pretty big gaming community. D&D games at lunch break, wargaming club, that kind of thing.

In fact I got thrown out of a school basketball game because I was playing battletch in the stands. Apparently more people were watching us play than watching the game going on below...

I've never had it. And I played D&D in the bar that I frequented and working in, and now I play 40K in the pool hall I work in...

VoidAngel wrote:Get a job.

No, really - once you have a stake in your reputation, you'll understand why folks that work in offices don't wear Inquisition tie tacks.

It's not about shame, it's about not being able to manage other people's impressions.

Listen to me now and believe me later: all games are Dungeons and Dragons. And Dungeons and Dragons is, at best, for weirdos who live in their parent's basements and have never touched boobies - or, at worst, ticking time-bombs of office-killing-spree-waiting-to-happen.

I am very sorry, but whether they admit it or not, that is what 99.99998% of non-gamers think of anyone that plays a game that isn't Monopoly, a sport, or can't be loaded into an X-Box. And it's the kiss of death to your chances at advancement, or even being taken seriously in a meeting.

You keep work and gaming separate. Not because you are ashamed, but because you can't change what other people will think. And, they'll always think the worst, especially if there's some advantage in it for them.

This. 100% true. Work and real life do not mix.

Don't know about that.

Most companies have fantasy football leagues and nobody blinks an eye. I brought in my BloodBowl team when ours was starting up just to show them what a 'real' fantasy football league should look like.

Why should our hobby be different than anyone else's? If we stop treating it like a hidden shame, maybe others will as well. People always look for 'the other' to ridicule or bully.
Don't let them see that it bothers you and they will stop. On the other hand, there are people out there that live the smelly obese neckbearded comicbook-guy stereotype. Stop letting them be the voice of our hobby and maybe someday they will be seen as the minority they are. Like the no shirt wearing, painted, drunken sports fan.

A pretty vision vitki, but like cultural relativism - a fairytale. It should work. You'd like it to work, but oh darn - it has hideous consequences.

If you find a work environment that's different - good for you. You have found the exception that proves the rule. Unfortunately, once the cat is out of the bag... you can't stuff it back in.

I have no shame in being a gamer.
My wife has no shame in being married to me (sure, there are the odd head shakes and face-palm moments - but she's into SF/Fantasy, too - so it's all good).

I was a star trek fan and star wars fan before being a gamer - so I was on the outer at school anyway - but there were a group of us, so we had our own 'cool' group.

I don't advertise my hobby, but will talk about it if asked about my hobbies.

It's kinda hard to hide the starWars nerd when walking around in a Stormtrooper's costume - but there is no shame in doing so. My mates and I in the 501st raise money for charity with our monkeying around. Kids like to see Stormtroopers and Vader mixing it up.

I have to admit that sometimes I feel a bit of shame (really, not much) regarding my nerdier hobbies--though I don't try to hide them or act on this shame, as I realize that this shame is a result of my being a people-pleaser and wanting everyone to like me, and further, that it's bs, and acting on it would just be hiding myself. I'd rather people think I was a fething loser geek than hide who I am.

That shame is decreasing as I get older. At work, once, a couple months ago, I had to list my hobbies as part of a "get to know your coworkers" exercise, and I wrote, among other more mainstream things: role-playing games, board games, and wargames.

I really don't care who knows, and I think non-verbal cues in this regard go a long way: if you act all embarrassed about it, people will think it's weird, and if you don't, and act like it's normal, and even poke fun at yourself about it, people will take it in stride and not think YOU'RE weird even if they think the activity is kind of weird.

But I live in Portland, and most everyone is one kind of geek or another here.

I can definitely throw in support for not wearing the wargamer tag on your sleeve in certain work environments. The guy who said all games are DnD to the ignorant (Most people who you are going to interacting with at work) and DnD still carries the 80's social stigma of demons, etc or the living in a fantasy world nerd out of touch with life.
I am lucky that I currently work in the Video Games industry alongside guys who have rubbed elbows with the Developers of the 40K MMO, for example, so gaming is pretty well understood and accepted for what it is: A hobby just like sports or watching ALOT of TV.


Now the real reason I am posting: The hiding from your significant other aspect. This gets down to a huge issue I notice more and more, that being the guys who are just with a girl because A) Shes one of the few that gave him a chance (IE, problem with women in general) or B) He's with her for ultimately shallow reasons (Problem with men in general). These are both based on things besides actual commitment and understanding of each other, and are more common than anyone likes to admit. A man (or lady in different circumstances) will deny up and down the street all day that they are with someone for shallow reasons, but if your hesitant about revealing a part of you to them... then you are with the wrong person because it means you fear their judgment, and they shouldn't be judging you anyway as a partner. I can understand if you are in that awkward beginning relationship phase where you guys don't REALLY know each other for the first month or so, but any time after that you should be letting her know about one of your major money and time sinks, IMO. And if it leads to a split... honestly it was inevitable anyway. (although, possibly semi-subconsciously, the tendency might be to at least wait until you get "something more" out of the relationship, especially if, as is so common with us nerdy types, you don't get a huge amount of women intrest anyway... but that's a whole different write-up )

I guess my point is: Geeky girls rule, although ones that tolerate it with a small bit of interest are cool too. The former may be somewhat rare and it's going to be impossible for EVERY gamer to pair off with one, but there's plenty of the latter. So revel in your hobby with them and if they push away, good riddance.

PS: Alot of girls like guys who paint, and you might even find yourself with a new source of free paintjobs if they get into it too!

vazzaroth: yeah. My wife is totally geeky, but she's not a huge tabletop gamer. She plays more videogames than I do, likes Star Trek & Star Wars a hell of a lot more, and complements me on my paintjobs and thinks my little men look cool.

There's nothing better than that!

VoidAngel wrote:If you can bench press a Buick, or have a black belt in Curbstomp-su-do - then you can carry your codex through the halls with confidence.

I had a friend who was freaking enormous. He'd tell people about his D&D characters and then look at them like, "say something." It was a riot.

I'm 6'2" and 260 lbs, so maybe my experience in this regard is a bit different from the norm.

The only thing I'm ashamed of is having something in common with the smelly neckbeards at the store

I have seen a little of this shame over the years and have never grasped the cause myself, when you think about the levels of intelligence, dedication and commitment it takes to paint and play any army verses the skill sets needed to live a like analyzing a football game it becomes apparent to me that we should all feel pride in our hobby rather than shame!

LOL, I agree there mate, I've never quite grasped Hobby Shame or why there is such a thing, you do the hobby because you like it not because its a trend

But this reminds me of the time I was in GW Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham last July. I'm a teen so I generally waste all my money with GW . A large group of girls passed by the large full-wall window in front of the GW and I looked out and that was it. Five minutes later two of the girls entered the shop, cackled like witches and ditched, We were all what the

I want to be as uncool as possible (At my school, being cool means being a redneck and playing football), so I go around being a wierdo and calling myself a nerd. (WHen I get called a nerd sometimes I say "Hey, that word belongs to US!" lol) Most of my friends have the same views on nerdiness. WHen those "Cool" people grow up, they will be working for people like us who actually make good grades and don't care just about popularity. ONce you get out of school, what do you call a nerd? Boss.

I am the most self assured person I know. I may be almost too self assured. The way to survive high school is to just not care about what others think or do (SOmeone Yells "Athiest!" at me and my group of friends, like it is an insult. We simply respond by saying "Christian." and continue eating our disgusting ranch coated school lunches). And if someone is being a fether, just do some real life trollin' for some good fun. Nobody should ever have to hide their hobby from other people. WHo cares if people think you are eccentric? If people think you are eccentric, it makes life more fun anyway.

@GalacticDefender: You sir, are my idol

I'm honestly surprised more people haven't had more trouble with this - or at least are willing to share it on a forum.

I mirror many of the sentiments already expressed - I like who I am, as a person. I do what I love - D&D, M:TG (only occasionally these days), Dance Dance Revolution at the mall, etc. I also enjoy watching football, hockey, tennis, and UFC. I don't personally care about cultural perceptions when deciding on my own interests, values, or beliefs. I follow my heart and my brain, and try to make informed decisions, though, like most people, this isn't always the case.

That being said, it's not right to say I'm "ashamed" of my hobby. I wouldn't actively hide it from anyone I call "friend", but with some people, I certainly would hide it, and possibly to the point of lying. I am ashamed of why I play Warhammer, D&D, and other such things, and that is something very personal that I actually haven't shared with anyone, even my girlfriend of almost 4 years.

That's not quite the same thing, but it's within the same vein, and so it merits some discussion. At any rate, I have had my share of ridicule, name-calling, and other unpleasing things because of who I am. If I could avoid such things by keeping quiet, I'm gonna do it. There's no way I'll expose myself to dumb things like name-calling if I can help it. Words do hurt me, sometimes more than sticks and stones. There's no reason to subject oneself to abuse, and I think lying to avoid abuse of any kind is perfectly acceptable, and can relate to such people.

A friend of mine, who is 22, was once asked by a co-worker (after she talked to a small group of other co-workers), came to him and asked "Hey Michael, we were all talking over there, and we were asking everyone in the store - are you a virgin?" After a short chuckle and smile he said, "No, of course not". After she left, he felt horrible about himself for lying like that. He expressed his concerns to me about it, and tried to re-assure him, to not much avail. Of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but the obvious social stigma

People are shy. People are timid. In my own case? I'm a coward. I can be confident and self-assured around people who don't exude as much self-confident or are as outgoing as me. However, around those whose personalities are more "dominant" than my own, I shrink back, allowing them to dominate conversation, suggestions, and just about anything else. I have been around with friends who are doing things I morally reject to and I simply let it go - the group is going with it, and stronger personalities than myself are leading the charge - I get upset on the inside - at them for going along with them and at myself for not having the courage to stop them.

People don't want to get abuse for being who they are. So we lie. We hide behind our lies to blend in - to avoid the abuse. And that's fine. I'm a good, moral, human being. I have my beliefs that society agrees with, and society would fine reprehensible. I believe in what I think is good and right. But to avoid attacks on my beliefs, my values, my hobbies, my life, my character?

I'll lie for that.

Word, RedArmy, word. I agree that it's not "shame" per se, but rather just not feeling like being treated like gak anymore. Thank you for putting into words what I could not.