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Name: Sheirking Skulls
Gene Seed stock: Iron Warriors
Chaos God Worship: Slaanesh
Leader: Slaaneshi Daemon Prince Valaxxx
Combat Doctrine: Massed Cultitsts,Seige

Strength:
9500 Tactical Marines
3000 Noise Marines
12000 Havocs
Millions of Cultists (cannon fodder)
900 Vindicators
300 predators
500 captured basilisks
200 captured leman russes
2 captured warhound titans
3 space hulks
20 captured battle barges
500 escorts

Story: The Shrieking Skulls Appeared only a few Decades ago but already they have done some serious damage to eldar & the imperium led by a daemon prince only known Valaxxx who fell into the worship of slaanesh he gained his acendense by raiding several craftworlds & killing thousands of eldar & shattering their soul stones before retreating which has earned him the eternal hatred of the eldar, in addition he has successfully converted the population of several hive worlds to chaos which not only brang his ancension but also provided him with a near limitless supply of canon fodder as well as draw many smaller warbands of chaos marines to his cause though being an iron warrior at heart valaxx still loves to particpate in a good seige


The Fllowing is a list of Known timeline & battles that the shrieking skulls have fought:

-Valaxxx becomes a chaos lord of his own first warband on the feral world of aboxnoss which being fought over by a dozen other warbands of no more than 500 strong his first act is to conduct small raids on other warbands until the warband can become stronger

-Valaxxx chooses slaneesh as his parton in order to gain an edge over the other warbands at first he is not accepted

-Valaxxx is only awarded the mark of slaanesh after defeating the khornate warband of the blood drinkers

-Valaxxx with his increased reaction time & dexterity by the mark is able to marshall his forces to take on the larger warbands fighting in the area

- he first takes on his weakest foe the flaming skulls an 800 strong undivided warband which have taken up residednce in a long abandoned castle at first the shireking skulls lay seige to the castle but without any proper seige equipment valaxxx & his warband spend most of their time pinned down by enemy fire which he cannot afford he sends 10 marines to scout the area around the castle to see if there is an alternate entrance, they comeback after a while with news of a back entance used as escape route for whomever occupied this castle before, valaxxx takes half of his warband & leaves the other half to continue the seige, going through the maze of tunnels valaxx was pleased that lead into the heart of the castle where the enemy leader stood there on a makeshift throne discussing something with his guards

-Valaxx & his marines burst out from the tunnel & began firing a few of the enemy marines dropped dead before they knew what was happening the enemy warlord quickly goes for his weapons & slaughters a few of valaxxxes marines before charging valaxxx

- The duels last for 2 hours valaxx easily dodging the enemy warlord slugging strikes constantly stabbing & pricking him with his own elegant weapon the enemy warlord dies from of a lack of blood his head is severed & is shown to the remaing defenders who quickly swear allengence the dead are sacrifised to slaanesh

-The other warbands fall like dominos due valaxxes strategic cunning over 12 bloody years of warring

-the strongest of the warbands is all that stands between valaxxx & glory however valaxxx deems they are way to strong to take head on since their base is highly fortified spaceport & valaxxx must have the spaceport if he is get off this rock

-Valaxxxx looks to the native population of chaos humans warring amongst themselves he unites them after a bloody 7 month campaign under the banner of slaanesh

-With an army of 23 million strong he assualts the fortified spaceport though the enemies guns & bolter fire kill hundreds of thousands of natives they just keep coming while valaxx finally takes the field 3 days after the seige began with his marine warband proctected by massive shield of cannon fodder he space marines have no problem spotting & taking out enemy gunners & havocs the natives finally burst through & engage the enemy in close quarter combat with valaxx in the thick of it. it results in massive orgy of blood where valaxxx kills hundreds of enemy marines & cultists slowly pushing the enemy back.

-Valaxxx engages the enemy leader in single combat, though the foe is a mighty terminator lord that lands a few hits that crack valaxxxes armour his speed agility & patience pays off by destroying the power pack on his armour the terminator lord is unable to move & is easily beheaded by valaxxx & added to his trophy rack

-With victory secured the natives haul off any remaing injured enemies to valaxxx & ritually sacrifise them to slaanesh

-further searching of the port discovers a teleporter to a functional abandoned battle barge in space using this teleporter his warband teleports into the barge & makes off with their new prized battleship

-the cluster world of segmis mantis is sunddenly beseiged by this warband at first the imperials muster great resistance however after a few days contact is lost with the imperial defenders only for them to reappear at the side of chaos, valaxxes forces conquer the cluster in a matter of 1 year the entire poulace either converts & becomes chaos cultists or become pleasure slaves

-the forge world of atrimess is sunddenly attacked by the shreiking skulls they steal away many weapons of the imperium & vehicles including 2 titans

-The chaos warlord of ambraxx is killed by valaxxx & his warband now swears allengence to valaxxx

-The feral worlds of manice & carpice suddenly turn to slaneesh worship before the imperium can exterminate them they are gathered by the shrieking skulls to use as canon fodder

-after years of maruading of imperial planets valaxxx now has a large following of many thousands of marines under his command & many captured vehicles & pieces of wargear from the imperium

-During random warps jumps valaxxes fleet comes across a crippled small craftworld
of mal-lan having its engines crippled by imperial ships valaxxxes orders his fleet to attack hungry for more favour from slaanesh he attacks the craftworld with much glee boarding with many marines large hoards of cultists they destroy & kill everything they see, fighting is very fierce for a few days until 2 captured warhound titans are bought onto the craftworld they quickly turn the tide of battle the eldar are crushed in a matter of hours many are captured & will have a fate worse than death. Valaxxx then orders his troops to find & crack open every soul stone as well as the infinity circuit thousands upon thousands of eldar souls are sucked up by slaneesh which grants valaxxx massive favour from slaneesh in the form of several daemon weapons

-Valaxx comes across another crippled wraith ship but is suddenly supirsed by a asteriod sized craftworld that just warped in the valxx orders the attack & destuction of the craftworld & wraithlord which results in a large space battle with hundreds of fighter,interceptors & bombers duke it out the wraith ship does not last for it is almost instantanestly destroyed by the constant salvos of the chaos warships who then focus fire on the craftworld

-the craftworld destroys many escorts & a few battle barges valaxxx realizes they he must board the craftworld to destroy it thousands of chaos,noise marines & haovcs baord the craftworld in the midst of millions of cultists fighting is very bloody valaxxx craving a path through hundreds of eldar seeking & killing all the gunners & heavy weapons teams so his assualt can go unhindered although taking grevous casulties the eldar where pushed back further & further until they were surrounded in the avatar of khaines temple valaxxx personally lead the final charge slaughting all eldar in sight & smashed open the infinity circuit in the process which triggered his accension into a daemon prince far more powerful than ever before he slaughtered all eldar before him & laughed at their tortured cries & screams

-the event was a highly joyful one for his warband who dragged away many survivng eldar to be ritually sacrifised or to participate in some other depraved activity which was to last a few to celebrate the masters accension

-ever since valaxxx gained daemonhood his warband has swelled indefinately he has led attack agiansts many imperial planets & systems killing them outright or converting them to chaos he has also destroyed a few small craftworlds which have earnt him the ternal hatred of the eldar so far he has manged to avoid defeat through sheer luck or strategy

appearance: the shreiking skulls warband appear in pink & black armour decorating their armour with the skins & other body parts of enemies which appear as a frightening sight to enemies also note that the shrieking skulls have a lack of terminator armours or dreadnaughts it is unknown if they cant get any or dont want to.

Scorpionov wrote:
Leader: Slaaneshi Daemon Prince Valaxxx

Really? Three x's? That's silly even for Chaos.

Also, I don't think even the Black Legion can boast those kinds of numbers anymore.

I didn't read the rest of it because of the lack of punctuation and incessant typos, it made my head hurt after the first couple of lines. I'm sure it's super kewl, though.

It's a touch Mary Sue...
Ignoring the fairly absurd numbers it's okay until they essentially start attacking everything and there is no retaliation.
The Eldar Craftworld thing is...
Well Eldar Craftwolrds don't go around on their own.

divide all the numbers by at least ten and then come back with a spell-checker and a thesaurus please.

This is stupidly over the top, and is plagiarised quite badly in places. (the whole idea of the beginning coming from Hounsou of the Iron Warriors, and how he rose to the top of the Tyrant of Badab's 'competition').

Revenent Reiko wrote:divide all the numbers by at least ten and then come back with a spell-checker and a thesaurus please.

This is stupidly over the top, and is plagiarised quite badly in places. (the whole idea of the beginning coming from Hounsou of the Iron Warriors, and how he rose to the top of the Tyrant of Badab's 'competition').

First I'd REALLY like to see you try and do better
Secondly this is a custom warband nothing to do with the offical warhammer 40k, with that said i can put what ever the heck i wish & there is nothing you can do about it.

Scorpionov wrote:

Revenent Reiko wrote:divide all the numbers by at least ten and then come back with a spell-checker and a thesaurus please.

This is stupidly over the top, and is plagiarised quite badly in places. (the whole idea of the beginning coming from Hounsou of the Iron Warriors, and how he rose to the top of the Tyrant of Badab's 'competition').

First I'd REALLY like to see you try and do better
Secondly this is a custom warband nothing to do with the offical warhammer 40k, with that said i can put what ever the heck i wish & there is nothing you can do about it.

Well firstly better is always going to be subjective so go figure.
Incidentally you have set it in the 40k universe without giving any disclaimers saying that it isn't 'canon' and clearly you want some opinions on it otherwise you wouldn't have posted it here. If you don't want opinions on it then why did you post it?
But, you are right. There isn't anything we can do about it. What a big shame that it.

Scorpionov wrote:

Revenent Reiko wrote:divide all the numbers by at least ten and then come back with a spell-checker and a thesaurus please.

This is stupidly over the top, and is plagiarised quite badly in places. (the whole idea of the beginning coming from Hounsou of the Iron Warriors, and how he rose to the top of the Tyrant of Badab's 'competition').

First I'd REALLY like to see you try and do better
Secondly this is a custom warband nothing to do with the offical warhammer 40k, with that said i can put what ever the heck i wish & there is nothing you can do about it.

Awesome.

Then don't even bother posting it. You can't expect to post fluff about your 'warband' and have everyone say 'Sweet', 'Cool', and, 'Awesome'. You post it here, you will get comments about how to make it better and how to make it plausible in the 40k universe.

If you don't want feedback, like how ridiculously large the warband is, then don't bother posting in the first place.

By the way, most of the people here have contributed and received feedback on their stories or fluff.

I think purplefood and Blacksails have covered that fairly well, thanks guys.

One thing however Scorpion, i will say i havent written my own fluff as of yet because my army isnt at the stage where i can write anything about it yet. But i can say one thing, if and when i do write up my own fluff, it will be just that, mine. Not stolen off someone else.

Actually...
I will say that we should have been more constructive in our criticism...
It's too easy just to point out what's bad and not try to give alternatives...
If the OP wants to... smooth out this fluff i would be more than happy to help.

Possibly, constructive criticism wasnt the first thing that came to mind when i first posted ill admit, we shall see...

I made a fanfluff Chaos Warband once, a Word Bearer force which allied with a Daemon Prince of Tzeentch on a Black Crusade. It was only 800 CSM plus ~500,000 Heretics/Cultists/Mutants/Beastmen, a Daemon horde, and a Traitor Titan Legion of 20 or so Titans. Really anything beyond that comes off as too powerful/outlandish even for 40k standards.

Harriticus wrote:I made a fanfluff Chaos Warband once, a Word Bearer force which allied with a Daemon Prince of Tzeentch on a Black Crusade. It was only 800 CSM plus ~500,000 Heretics/Cultists/Mutants/Beastmen, a Daemon horde, and a Traitor Titan Legion of 20 or so Titans. Really anything beyond that comes off as too powerful/outlandish even for 40k standards.

This seems a good number for a large warband...

If you don't want criticism don't post and really this isn't very well written, I'd suggest reading up on Chaos War-Bands more closely on 40K Wiki or Lexicum and give them smaller numbers. Right now it's just ridiculous.

The Black Legion does have numbers larger than his warband. That being said, his warband's numbers still are excessive and I would tone them down if I were him. The same can be said about the Shrieking Skull's accomplishments; I would suggest toning them down as well and adding in 1 or 2 failures. They can still be a successful Warband of course, but make sure they aren't perfect. Also, reduce the number of Eldar killed. Maybe something like they slew the majority of the members of a Craftworld as opposed to killing thousands upon thousands of them and destroying two different Craftworlds. Lastly, I'd modify the origin of the Warband just to make it a little more unique, since its pretty close to Honsou's. This is a good start, just needs some work.

look i dont mind some constructive feedback but when someone says something like this which is accusing me of copying something that i have never read or known about:

This is stupidly over the top, and is plagiarised quite badly in places. (the whole idea of the beginning coming from Hounsou of the Iron Warriors, and how he rose to the top of the Tyrant of Badab's 'competition').


rather than:
Your story was bad this is why & here are some ways to improve. etc etc etc

It's just not on m'kay.

In fairness you did get some constructive stuff...
Tone down the numbers, give them a few losses (smallish ones), some kind of retaliation from Imperial forces would make sense, don't have them destroy 2 craftworlds. Maybe badly damage 1.

purplefood wrote:In fairness you did get some constructive stuff...
Tone down the numbers, give them a few losses (smallish ones), some kind of retaliation from Imperial forces would make sense, don't have them destroy 2 craftworlds. Maybe badly damage 1.

I know i did and i appreciate it, in any case im starting from scratch agian

You gentlemen never cease to amaze me....

tact (tkt)
n.
1. Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending.

...see "lack of."

I thought I was tact. Of course you could be talking to other posters than me. If so, disregard this comment.

this may be a necro but i got to say something, it isn't bad. Sure it ain't perfect but heck i couldn't write better thanks to my writers block.

This may be late but cut down their numbers a good 3-4k is good in my eyes. Eldar craftworlds never travel without a good defense maybe a few craftworlds here or there, slaanesh loves his eldar souls so it would work. Say some losses here or there, but in the end sacrifices to the gods would help stem the losses.

Dear lord.....Another fine exampel of mary Sue at its finest, and yes. It would not be hard to make something better than this.

Hey for a first try not bad. Heck 2 thousand would be a good number my warband atm consist of 300 marines, which i will have all those done over time.
What is mary sue at its finest not a term i am familiar with.

When i get confident enough to post my WB warhost i will but I never learned all of the punctuation needed, read to much in school and didn't pay attention.

Given the sheer amount of flaws it has it ranks amongst the worst things I have seen, and if you have not heard about Mary Sue I recomend google.

It's not the worst thing...
It has a few flaws yes but it's far from the worst thing on the site.

you are quite polite

 purplefood wrote:
It's not the worst thing...
It has a few flaws yes but it's far from the worst thing on the site.

Well to be fair there are a few others that I have botherd to read that is worse than this. But if that is good or bad I am unsure of

 Gabrial Seth wrote:
you are quite polite

There's being honest and there's being hurtful.
This is far from the worst thing on Dakka Fiction and saying it's amongst the worst stuff is really untrue and not helpful in the least...

not you purple, this was meant for trond.

There is being aware of what one posts, and then there are those who wants standing applaus. I give praise when I think its due and others things when due.

it is not horrible my friend, there are plenty of worst things out there