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I'm working on a character who organizes the Scharzenkommando witch hunting force.

http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Gretel_Ehrenstein

Any thoughts on canon consistency?

Also, am I being too heavy handed or is it good?

It is good, but the Ordo is wrong, she obviously is of Ordo Hereticus.

I will let the showing of a witch into an oven pass, as I have developed a crazy woman for one of my main characters to avoid marrying (he is a commissar, and happily engaged to another female commissar). His belief is that insanity can only be purged by his meltagun, which he frequently preached on his schola. She murdered a servant at seven with a spoon (he lied slightly, it was a fork) for being late with her supper, and he has desired to murder her in cold blood since he first met her three years after that at the age of ten. They were both of Planetary Governor stock.

As for the Sturmkrieg-sector having that rule about letting go of people touched by Chaos? WTF? Seriously, they are to be put down with extreme prejudice, not reformed. Only extremely rarely does an Inquisitor manage to make a Chaos-worshiper confess.

At a personal level I would like to know if Gretel has a lover or at least a husband, as the verse is crowded with either chaste or promiscuous heroes and heroines. Makes for some epic lines when their kids are involved.

Have you posted that story? It sounds interesting.

I guess I could change that rule, although it wasn't intend to be anti-grimdark; I was alluding more to the way that sometimes inquisitors try to make a distinction between wether a whole force is corrupt, or if they are only taking orders from a commander who is corrupt. Of course, they are very heavy handed if only a few soldiers have been corrupted.

I'll also change the ordo then. Although, aren't there also smaller ordos that are created?

I haven't really thought about that, but the it's possible that Sascha Krieger or one of the high ranking people in the sector could be a lover. Maybe occasionally they would have a few children. I could see that for making good stories. I wouldn't say that they would really be chaste or promiscuous though.

The story basically is:
Zachary Carrus (the male commissar) was to be married to Elena Donal (the crazy chick) by his father Arturius who is the Planetary Governor. He found out that the crazy woman was under a daemonic influence, and murdered her in cold blood. The daemon (a Keeper of Secrets) then appeared, it was killed by silver and fire by Carrus, though Michelle Ionza (the female commissar) assisted greatly by taking potshots at it with her longlas. Carrus has a sword pyskers really doesn't like one bit. Then he came up to discuss this with daddy dearest at the Emperor's Feast-celebration (basically the ruling-family's X-mas-dinner live on TV. He ran into his oldest brother, and after he got to know that his horse and favorite servant was killed he actually live on TV went to ultra-violence. The brother was beaten so badly that an eye popped out and landed in a bowl of punch. The brother was then told to hit the road, and kicked through a window, one of the concubines of that man had a mental breakdown, so Ionza forced her to swallow the aforementioned eye. Then she shot the woman with her bolt pistol showering Arturus with her gore when she kept on crying. He was found strangled to death hours later. Carrus then ascended the throne and one month later, he and his former classmates tossed 6000 high nobles out the windows of his palace in order to secure his position. Of course Slaanesh was not very happy.

Gretel is definitely Ordo Hereticus. There are other Ordos as well, but she is Ordo Hereticus.

You want Gretel hardline? I can understand that. I generally think Inquisitors wouldn't be lawful stupid, as even a commissar would be likely to execute them if the person found that the Inquisitor was incompetent as long as he or she could provide proof. So one thing is ordering a regiment that have erred to death, another is to have them re-schooled. I guess your phrasing was a bit off.

Oh with kids involved you can have hilarious scenes of ultra-violence in front of the kids. Carrus managed that of course, but kids generally doesn't like daddy inviting Mandrakes or Lictors to their rooms, then slaying them in brutal fashion. Then he proceeded to bite off the throat of one Mandrake, while the second was head-butted to death after they locked him up in close-combat. Letting Gretel have a mate makes for a very refreshing drama.

I just made the appropriate changes, and also made a slight change to the age of the character.

I'm thinking about having the leaders of Sturmkrieg be born on Terra around the time Germany became a country. The Emperor was born 8,000 years earlier in Anatolia. The Sturmkrieg characters though, would not have any other god-like powers.

Honestly I wouldn't involve Terra much. Let it be set around M42 (Gemany came together around 860M1 or 1860 if you like that better).

If Terra ever is to be involved, it should be a pilgrimage, and they would likely loose a son to the Imperial Fists there, recruitment.

As for god-like powers, well juvenat-treatment is totally ruling. It doesn't hurt involving a psyker in their ranks.

Yeah, I see your point. It often seems awkward to use references to ancient Terra in 40k. I could always just say they're from ancient Terra.

Psykers don't really work in the Sturmkrieg fluff though.

For me Terra shall only be a minor plot, nothing more. And they need a bloodline-claim, so have at least one of them of noble blood. Carrus is of noble blood, though he fight like pit-scum (too much contact with hive-scum and death-worlders), His blood actually comes into play quite a lot, as plot-devises often need the blood of a true king in my fluff, and a true king he is despite himself..

I'm not sure how the Sturmkrig fluff work, but I would assume psykers should be able to do both incredible and extremely horrendous stuff like everywhere else in WH40k.

The Sturmkrieg sector isn't a part of the Imperium is it?
If it is then that's fine.
If it isn't then you will need to make her a part of an organisation analogous to the Inquisition but seperate.
If they join later then you need to make her a member of an organisation analogous to the Inquisition which she later joins as a price/part of the deal as the Sturmkrieg sector joins the Imperium...

Don't make the leaders of the Sturmkrieg sector immortal or something silly...
Germany became a country in 1860 or in the Imperial calendar M1. This would basically make them 41 thousand years old...
So yeah don't do that...
Instead you could say that the original settlers for the Sturmkrieg sector were from ancient Terra and they settled before the warp storms cut everyone off. They managed to keep together and eventually regained interstellar flight.

Sturmkrieg becomes part of the Imperium midway between the Horus Heresy and 40k. The Scharzenkommando didn't exist in the Sturmkrieg Empire, and none of the current leaders had any power. They came to power in a revolution that the Imperium assisted with. (read: sent a few space marines when the revolution was about to fail)

I think I mentioned in the English Sturmkrieg Sektor article that the people are from North Asia in the third millenium, which I think is general enough.

I'll work on incorporating your advice.

North Asian people being Germanic? Not a chance. Keep them from Northern Europe.

Well let the current leaders be born in the M41st. Point finale. The Imperial Fists' successor-chapters would likely have a vested interest in the region.

Beaviz81 wrote:North Asian people being Germanic? Not a chance. Keep them from Northern Europe.

Well let the current leaders be born in the M41st. Point finale. The Imperial Fists' successor-chapters would likely have a vested interest in the region.

Why?

purplefood wrote:

Beaviz81 wrote:North Asian people being Germanic? Not a chance. Keep them from Northern Europe.

Well let the current leaders be born in the M41st. Point finale. The Imperial Fists' successor-chapters would likely have a vested interest in the region.

Why?

Have you ever heard of a Germanic Asian? No. It can't happen.
Imperial Fist Successors like blonde hair people.

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Beaviz81 wrote:North Asian people being Germanic? Not a chance. Keep them from Northern Europe.

Well let the current leaders be born in the M41st. Point finale. The Imperial Fists' successor-chapters would likely have a vested interest in the region.

Why?

Have you ever heard of a Germanic Asian? No. It can't happen.
Imperial Fist Successors like blonde hair people.

No as in why would the Imperial Fists care so much?
I think they prefer fighting talent and genetic purity over hair colour...

Though the gene-seed probably changes the hair colour of whoever they recruit so that wouldn't even factor into it...

purplefood wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

purplefood wrote:

Beaviz81 wrote:North Asian people being Germanic? Not a chance. Keep them from Northern Europe.

Well let the current leaders be born in the M41st. Point finale. The Imperial Fists' successor-chapters would likely have a vested interest in the region.

Why?

Have you ever heard of a Germanic Asian? No. It can't happen.
Imperial Fist Successors like blonde hair people.

No as in why would the Imperial Fists care so much?
I think they prefer fighting talent and genetic purity over hair colour...

Though the gene-seed probably changes the hair colour of whoever they recruit so that wouldn't even factor into it...

Oh thats what you mean. Both of you were being cryptic. (from my point of view)

Honestly, Germanic culture in Asians. Think. This ain't hard to do. North Asians should be White Scars I think, not Imperial Fists.

Beaviz81 wrote:Honestly, Germanic culture in Asians. Think. This ain't hard to do. North Asians should be White Scars I think, not Imperial Fists.

Oh I see your point. Your saying that it won't work because space marines mainly recruit from a certain culture.

Asherian Command wrote:

Beaviz81 wrote:Honestly, Germanic culture in Asians. Think. This ain't hard to do. North Asians should be White Scars I think, not Imperial Fists.

Oh I see your point. Your saying that it won't work because space marines mainly recruit from a certain culture.

That was a loaded argument. Or maybe not, difficult subject, moving on.

Beaviz81 wrote:

Asherian Command wrote:

Beaviz81 wrote:Honestly, Germanic culture in Asians. Think. This ain't hard to do. North Asians should be White Scars I think, not Imperial Fists.

Oh I see your point. Your saying that it won't work because space marines mainly recruit from a certain culture.

That was a loaded argument.

It's also a bad one considering...
IF recruit from everywhere because they are fleet based. So many different cultures in the chapter.
Many other planet based chapters are based on certain cultures (because the planets they live on are based on those cultures) and so the people they recruit are from that culture.

Sturmkrieg, you have Asians talking in Germanic slang. Ehm sorry ain't gonna happen.

The Fists were a poor example for usage. I used them because they are supposed to be Germanic. But I don't think the people would be talking with Germanic slang if recruited from not Northern-Europe.

I ment Siberia, not Mongolia, since Sturmkrieg is German/Russian.

There is some Asian symbolism to it too; the planet Freiwehrkrieg is German/Mongolian. I describe them as being blond Asians pretty much.

[asked question after post answering it was made]

Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:Are Imperial Fists supposed to be German?

Not really...
The Fists don't really have a culture assigned to them...

The Fists do, the Germanic Junker-culture. Honor-duelling and scrimmaging. That's the Imperial Fists for you, actually one of the most interesting Space Marine chapters around, and likely to have a vested interst in the region since their specialty is siege. Also have Iron Warriors handy.

Beaviz81 wrote:The Fists do, the Germanic Junker-culture. Honor-duelling and scrimmaging. That's the Imperial Fists for you, actually one of the most interesting Space Marine chapters around, and likely to have a vested interst in the region since their specialty is siege. Also have Iron Warriors handy.

Honour duelling is present in many cultures...
Is Scrimmage not a game?
Is still don't see why they would have a vested interest in the sector...

The Junker Model of BehaviourThe basic structure of Chapter culture is derived from the "Junker model of behaviour" belonging to the "ancient Prussic code" of Terra. The model demands dedication to meticulous detail in both military affairs and individual conduct. In military affairs, fastidious attention to detail is a hallmark of the Chapter's superlative planning and preparations. Similarly, every detail of an individual battle-brother's conduct is structured by the quest for flawless discipline and the obsession with punishment as penance for the smallest inadequacy, failure or infraction. In each case, the Chapter's genetically programmed obsession with will power and order are the guiding principles.

Perhaps as a result of the Junker model, the Imperial Fists tend towards a stern disposition, even in comparison to other Space Marines. Upon first encountering the Imperial Fists, Captain Garro of the Death Guard remarked that "they seem a somber lot," to which Captain Iacton Qruze of the Luna Wolves responded in the affirmative, adding that he had served with a Veteran Imperial Fist for a year-long campaign who never once smiled. For these reasons, the Imperial Fists earned the nick name "the Stone Men" during the Great Crusade.

I just think they are like the Space-Prussians, and I added Lexicanum-fluff for that matter.

Beaviz81 wrote:The Junker Model of BehaviourThe basic structure of Chapter culture is derived from the "Junker model of behaviour" belonging to the "ancient Prussic code" of Terra. The model demands dedication to meticulous detail in both military affairs and individual conduct. In military affairs, fastidious attention to detail is a hallmark of the Chapter's superlative planning and preparations. Similarly, every detail of an individual battle-brother's conduct is structured by the quest for flawless discipline and the obsession with punishment as penance for the smallest inadequacy, failure or infraction. In each case, the Chapter's genetically programmed obsession with will power and order are the guiding principles.

Perhaps as a result of the Junker model, the Imperial Fists tend towards a stern disposition, even in comparison to other Space Marines. Upon first encountering the Imperial Fists, Captain Garro of the Death Guard remarked that "they seem a somber lot," to which Captain Iacton Qruze of the Luna Wolves responded in the affirmative, adding that he had served with a Veteran Imperial Fist for a year-long campaign who never once smiled. For these reasons, the Imperial Fists earned the nick name "the Stone Men" during the Great Crusade.

I just think they are like the Space-Prussians, and I added Lexicanum-fluff for that matter.

Okay, now i'm convinced...
But what is scrimmage?

I don't think they would have a particular interest since they're not going to know about Germany and therefore wouldn't identify a commonality as much.

When it comes to actual ancestry, I plan to have Sturmkrieg be roughly half German and half Russian.

As for race, most of them wouldn't be German since people on a lot of worlds would have a different physical appearance.

Some people are black (worlds with sub themes based on African cultures and empires) while others are East Asian and blond. (not really East Asian) There are also nordic themed worlds.

Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:I don't think they would have a particular interest since they're not going to know about Germany and therefore wouldn't identify a commonality as much.

When it comes to actual ancestry, I plan to have Sturmkrieg be roughly half German and half Russian.

As for race, most of them wouldn't be German since people on a lot of worlds would have a different physical appearance.

Some people are black (worlds with sub themes based on African cultures and empires) while others are East Asian and blond. (not really East Asian) There are also nordic themed worlds.

You could always mix it up and have black people with western european cultures...
Things like that...

I can see the sector as a whole, the Germanic-Russian thingy would be strong with most of the regiments there based about siege-warfare in the nasty spirit of WWI or Stalingrad.

Heck the Ciralix subsector in that light looks bright and sunny in comparison, and sure as hell, it ain't bright and sunny. For the sector just look for the stuff written by Beaviz81 http://www.warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?323405-Looking-for-writers-for-system-background/page4

I actually meant Schimshaw, that's having an obsession with skeleton hands http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Imperial_Fists