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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/01/28 14:33:06
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Rampaging Carnifex
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The Space Emperor has about 40k unheard messages on his answering maschine, because he was a very busy man. The answering machine should be a part of the Golden Throne but the Inquisition decided to keep it at a secret place. In a dark dusty room a red lamp stopt blinking and started glowing:
*beep*" Hi, Dad it's me Horus. I don't feel so well can we talk please call me back. *beep*
*beep*" Hi, Dad it's me Horus. Your favourite son remember? I really want to talk to you, please call me back."*beep*
*beep*"Listen Dad, I know I am not your only son and I know you are quite busy but you could call back. Anyways I met some new guys they are pretty cool and they really care about me.*beep*
*beep* I hate you DAD! I hate you! YOU DON'T CARE! You didn't even come to my baseballgame! Why haven't you created us a mom?! It doesn't matter anymore I got new friends now and they like me!"*beep*
*beep* Hello Dad, it's me Magnus. I really worry about Horus and his new friends you should talk to him. I fear he is going to do something stupid. *beep*
*beep* Dad! What the hell! Leman is at my door and wants to kick my ass! And he is saying you ordered him to do so! This is insane! What's wrong with you?! Seriously!"*beep*
This is some stuff which jumped into my mind feel free to continue...
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2009/01/28 14:34:24
I know when it is closing time. - Rascal Mod
"Some people measure common sense with a ruler others with a potato."- Making Money Terry Pratchett
"what's with all the hate go paint something you lazy bastards" - NAVARRO
"You don't need pants for the victory dance." -BAWTRM
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/01/30 12:22:25
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Shas'la with Pulse Carbine
Standing right behind you...
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Funny.
Here's my take on Magnus:
*beep* Hey thanks for the cool army dad! Oh it's going to be so much fun serving under you pop. Send me a postcard from every planet you claim for the Imperials eh?
And I promise to call everyday! *beep*
*beep* Whoa these soldiers of mine have some serious mutations on 'em, one even had two heads! No matter though, I'm sure some good spirit and healthy psyker training will fix that. Bye Dad, love you lots. *beep*
*beep* Hi daddy, taking a break from the Great Crusade. That Chaos abduction really opened my eyes on my career choice. I think I should be a scholar instead and maybe write a 'Book'. Bye. *beep*
*beep* Hey dad, haven't really been able to talk to you in the past few months, been busy traveling and researching with my boys and writing my novel. I know you don't really approve much about my career choice but it's my choice to make. Oh, and if your not using that big library of yours...can i have it? Bye *beep*
*beep* Hey Dad, wasn't able to talk to you directly during the meet but why the hell did you ban sorcery?! That was...like...what my book was about....the hell am I going to write about now? I mean, I didn't hurt anyone and now my Chapter's depressed because my novel will never truly be finished. Thanks a lot dad *beep*
*beep* OH MY GOD DAD! I know you never answer your telephone but i'm sure you hear the messages! You have to listen carefully! I saw a vision in the warp that half of my bro's attack you and Horus kills you! Dunno 'bout me... but you have to kill that snooty Chaos Addict! *beep*
*beep* Oh great dad. The only time you return my call is to disown me. Geeze, I know you loved Horus the most but I didn't know you get rid of me just so you can spend my pocket money on him. What, why don't you marry the guy, then we'd all finally have a MOTHER!...jerk. *beep*
*beep* The FU** DAD! WHAT THE HELL IS LEMAN DOING TO MY CITY!? DID YOU DO THIS?! YOU DID DIDN'T YOU?! Just because I'm not 'Daddy's' boy like Horus, just because I wanted a more educated and successful lif-*CRASH!* There's Russ now, just brought down the gate I installed on Tuesday. Oi Russ, i've got dad on the phone tell us wtf is going on. *scuffle* *SNAP*
OH MY G** MY SPINE! RUSS BROKE MY FRIGG** SPINE-*beep*
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'I once tried to kill the World's Greatest Lover...but then I realized there were laws against suicide,' Sideshow Bob. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/01/30 21:43:07
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Dominating Dominatrix
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*beep* Hey SP, this is Khorne. I was wondering, are you still up for Poker this evening? Gork and Mork are coming too, I thought it would be a nice chance to get the old band back together. Except Tzeetch, you know how he his, always ploting and stuff. Anyway, eight o'clock, my place. You bring the beer. *beep*
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/02/02 07:39:42
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Plastictrees
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*beep* Good day to you sir. My name is Adept Knowsitall McFixitquickly and I am calling concerning your throne support. I regret to announce, that the support fo your "emperors-most-comfy" throne will be terminated within the next two standard months. This is due to several outstanding payments. Therefore, you will not receive the up-to-date bugfixes and patch m40.21.8.2.3.1.5.2
This may or may not result in critical failure of your throne and could bind you to it forever.
If youd like extended support, please call me at 01800 - MECHANICUM. Choose number 6789 for your throne support team. Thank you.
*beep*
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/03/30 15:52:30
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Lord Commander in a Plush Chair
In your base, ignoring your logic.
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*beep* Dear sir, we are not trying to sell you anything, but if you are going on a trip soon we may be able to help you. All you need to do is sit through a 30min timeshare presentation and we will pay for your hotel stay in several planets and cities. Please call us back at 1-8000-GONOW for more information. *beep*
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/05/12 20:37:44
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Bonkers Buggy Driver with Rockets
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BEEP: grrragggagahhaggahahhhaaaararrrr! BEEP
Angron having issues
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They dont call me Garybrandy for nothing!
how is it off topic? we hardly know what the topic even is!
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/05/13 07:02:23
Subject: Re:The Emperor's answering machine
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Lurking Gaunt
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*Beep* GGGRRR OMNOMNOMNOMNOM GRR *Beep* (roughly translated, Hello Mr. Emperor, could we come over and borrow a couple planets worth of biomass, we'll bring it right back)
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lots of
lots of
add a touch of
for flavor |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/05/13 10:07:16
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Killer Klaivex
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*beep*Hey, bro, can I get a double pepperoni with extra cheese, a side of garlic bread, and a large coke? Yeah, delivered to 189 Traitor's lane, Eye of Terror and stuff? Yeah, that's for a Mr. Hugh Jarse... he'll be wearing red armour and wears a helmet with bunny-ears on it. Thanks bro!*
Meanwhile, hundreds of light-years away, Ahriman, the Deciever and Eldrad put down the phone and giggled together. "Just as planned." sniggered Ahriman.
They were total dicks.
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People are like dice, a certain Frenchman said that. You throw yourself in the direction of your own choosing. People are free because they can do that. Everyone's circumstances are different, but no matter how small the choice, at the very least, you can throw yourself. It's not chance or fate. It's the choice you made. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/05/20 01:33:07
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Frothing Warhound of Chaos
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*Beep* Hello this is goldthrone toilet services, your holy plumbing has finally been fixed, please enjoy your goldthrone toilet"
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You're not a geek if you can beat the out of people who call you a geek, as such, i am not a geek.
I play 2000 point (homebrew warband) L:2 D:1 W:2
DS:90-S+GMB-IPw40K08#++D+A+/SWD-R+T(OT)DM+
Purgo vestri vesica per vestri hostilis cruor.
Purgo vestri animus per cruor of reproba unus |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/06/10 18:08:25
Subject: Re:The Emperor's answering machine
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Speedy Swiftclaw Biker
CT, RSA
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*Beep*Dad...its me... I just.. I... ... DAMNIT LEMAN WILL YOU STOPMAKING THOSE STUPID NOISES! Im trying to show Dad how I feel!... Dont laugh at me! I still haven't forgotten that you stole my razors! What!? Fine! *scuffle* *squeal*... Hey dad, its Leman, um, Jons not gonna be able to make it to the parade so, uh, yeah. Dont worry, I never forget the mead. See you later *beep*
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"A fortress circumvented ceases to be an obstacle. A fortress destroyed ceases to be a threat. Never forget the difference"-Leman Russ
If you see the Wolf Scout he's the distraction...
8000pts |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2009/06/13 02:14:25
Subject: The Emperor's answering machine
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Frothing Warhound of Chaos
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*Beep* Hi, Mr. Emperor? I'm you're biggest fan! Please sign my pizza! I'll send it to you, but it could take a while.*Beep*
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