The Dakka Dakka Dungeon (D & D & D)

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**jwelvis629**

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

Galahash dramatically draws his sword and awaits what will come out of the darkness...
staying well back to avoid any possible magic being tossed about... he notices he is
closer to the darkness than Martiln is and quietly steps back just a little...

**Deadshane1**

Name:Wizweaz
Class:Human Wizard with raging cough
Notes:BAD stat-rolling, probably should've been a Merchant

"EH OUCH Jeez thats hot!" fumbles with fireball and tosses it down the darkened hallway before it burns his fingers.

**jwelvis629**

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

Galahash dramatically draws his sword and prepares for whatever comes out of the darkness... staying well back from the darkness
to avoid any spells flying around...

out of the corner of his eye, he notices that he is closer than Martiln, and edges back a couple steps...

**Arctik_Firangi**

Events:

Grabthar flees.

Martiln draws his sword - DC check fail. Martiln's sword drawing looks more like a dildo with a crack down the middle.

Alfred make random attacks;
1 - miss
2 - hit! 2 pts slashing damage to unknown attacker

Alfred is attacked;
1 - hit! 5hp bludgeoning
2 - miss
3 - hit! 5hp bludgeoning

Sir Charles prepares magic missile

Galahash attempts to draw sword dramatically - DC pass. Very dramatic.

Wizweaz hurls fireball. Wizweaz is awarded 78xp.

Galahash does exactly the same thing he just did.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The cleric known as 'Grabthar', having spotted an open portal, ran away as fast as his feet would carry him. In doing so he attempted to bestow a blessing upon the paladin Galahash, but utterly missed.

Martiln and Arctik drew their respective swords and stood fast, as the sounds of a scuffle were heard in the shadow. Suddenly, a man burst from the unnatural pitch, with terrible bruises and a bloodied blade. The wizard Wizweaz waved his hands, and released a pea-sized speck of fire at the darkened void. From therein erupted a collective, terrible moaning sound, and increased shuffling. After a few moments, several zombies emerged from the darkness, wreathed in flame. Sir Charles, the newly-arrived magister, tossed a fistful of magic missiles at one of the incendiary creatures, blasting it into smithereens.

Galahash, as the monsters advanced, retreated slowly, so as no-one else would notice...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Arctik_Firangi**

Name: Arctik the Maniacal
Class/Type: Human Fighter with Longword and Shield
Notes: Has a three-foot handlebar moustache (on either side).

Arctik the Maniacal dashes to the nearest flaming zombie, sword prepared for attack...

**chaplaingrabthar**

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric with Warhammer & Chainmail

Hearing the commotion behind him, Grabthar turns around and charges towards the flaming zombies, swinging his hammer in huge sweeps as he attempts to mash undead heads.

**jwelvis629**

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

Holding his sword aloft, Galahash boldly declares, "By all the powers of what is good and right, we shall smite
all followers of evil with every ounce of strength that we have, until our very last breath of life."

Pausing for a breath, he realizes his rallying cry has lasted well into the fight, and prepares to charge in and smite
the zombies... he stands for a moment, trying to decide which one to attack...

"Arctik has the zombie with the nasty halitosis, and Grabthar seems to want the one with the missing eye... Darnit,
that pygmy blew the crap out of mine! Who should I help? Hmmm... Arctiks moustache gets in my way too much,
but Grabthar has that huge hammer, which makes me think he will be too insecure to accept aid from a handsome,
awe-inspiring hero such as myself... maybe I'll wait and see who needs my aid more...'

Galahash decides to wait and will rush in to help if either of the party needs help....

**Smashotron**

Name: Alfred McStabstab
Class/Type: Tiefling Rogue in blackened Chainmail with Shortsword
Notes: great salesman despite the smell of brimstone, laughing quietly yet maniacally whenever in shadow.

Feeling quiet on fire and as if he is about to be pummeled to death by some would-be allies, Alfred cries out, " Same team! Same team!"

Hoping his plea met with success, Alfred spins on heel to confront his now revealed foes. "Ew they're naked," exclaims the master salesman!

**mattyboy22**

Name: Martiln the Daring
Class: Swashbuckler Extraordinaire
Notes: Dashing, handsome, and noble (at least in his own opinion). Dresses extravagantly and likes to yell things such as "Haha!" and "Take that you rouge!" when fighting.

Martilin leaps forwards 'Back fellow adventurers! For I have a weapon so mighty it will destroy these creatures outright!.....MAGIC!!"

Martilin pulls the scroll he picked up and yelling "ABRAKAZAM!" flings the scroll as hard as he can at the zombies.

**Cheese Elemental**

Name: Morik the ANGRY
Class: ANGRY fighter with a warhammer
Notes: Always angry, all the time!

Suddenly, Morik the ANGRY smashes his way through the wall with his bare hands!

Screaming obscenities at the zombies, he hefts his warhammer and charges, aiming for the head with a flurry of ANGRY blows!

He doesn't care about why he's fighting or why he chose to dig through that particular wall, but there's something to hit in front of him, and he hasn't pulverised anything for the past two days.

**Deadshane1**

Name:Wizweaz
Class:Human Wizard with raging cough
Notes:BAD stat-rolling, probably should've been a Merchant

Wizweaz begins to prepare another spell and casts, just as Martiln throws his scroll.

Wizweaz recognises some of the markings on the dusty scroll and winces....miscasting himself.

**Canaan**

Name: Sir Charles the Misplaced
Class/Type: Pygmy Kinetic Wizard...
Notes: Thinks he's is the greatest wizard of all time and the king of the Ch'tok pygmy tribe. Only knows spells that teleport or move things.. but cant ever seem to get his targeting right.. also suffer from bad ADD!

*Unleashes his mighty magic missiles randomly into the frey*
"Take that you bigguns!!"

**jwelvis629**

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

Galahash almost rushes forward to catch the scroll... he considers it, but is distracted by the warrior crashing
through the wall

"If he endangers any of my fellow adventurers, he will know pain!" Galahash growls and moves forward to be
close enough to attack the crazed warrior if he attacks any of the party.

"When will I know what is happening?" Galahash wonders... "I haven't heard the narrator describing the action for some time...
I sure do like the yellow text he uses.... really stands out, bold, easy to read...."

**chaplaingrabthar**

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric with Warhammer & Chainmail

Grabthar prays to his Patron God for guidance as he swings his ludcrously oversized hammer at the one-eyed Zombie's head.

**Arctik_Firangi**

Events:

Nine zombies arrive

Arctik and Grabthar charge the zombies

Galahash 'delays initiative'

Alfred sustains fire and bludgeoning damage to the total of... 14 hp. I'm not keeping track, but yes, you are on fire.

Martiln attempts to use a magic device. A low hum and buzzing sound comes from the scroll, before it crumbles into ash. Martiln now finds the rest of the party far less socially interesting than he usually would.

Morik activates 'rage' ability. Morik the ANGRY uses a 'heroic action', demolishes a section of the western wall, and completely obliterates one of the incendiary meatbags with a large hammer. 8 of 9 zombies remain.

Wizweaz miscasts. Referring to 6th edition Orcs and Goblins miscast table. Whatever spell he was attempting to cast, he has permanently lost the ability to cast it. Also 'magic level reduced by -1', whatever that means.

Sir Charles prepares and casts magic missile, targetting the 'frey'. I'm going to have to guess he means the Norse god Freyr...

Galahash advances toward Mork.

Grabthar call out to his anonymous 'Patron God,' infuriating and confusing everyone, especially any gods that happened to be listening. Injures a zombie.

Zombies attack everyone. I roll a pile of dice, sort them by colour and shape, and then mix them up again. Good fun. Continuing on...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As a mob of burning, rotting mindless monsters stormed out from the sphere of darkness, the party's fighters strode to meet them. The hapless thief who had happened to reveal himself in their midst, tore himself away from their clutching claws and joined the cluster of defenders.

Galahash surveyed the battle, as he formulated a strategy and did a few stretches. The rogue Martiln delayed for a moment too, as an odd sensation tingled throughout his body. Distracted, Wizweaz failed to contain the powerful spell he had been attempting, and bowled himself over with a terrific green blast.

Echoing that very blast was a resounding crash, as a crazed barbarian warrior bore clean through the dungeon wall. A stray zombie that had staggered away from the pack received a terrible beating, as unaimed hammer blows smashed its bones , and it flopped harmlessly to the floor. Galahash, alarmed by such unprecendented action, eyed him sternly and began to approach the wheezing bezerker.

I now take you away to a much higher realm, where gods and greater things lurk. The great god of manliness, farming, fightin' and fertility, Freyr, is battling a powerful jötunn known to the realm as 'Surtr'...

Back in the dungeon, three specks of light erupted from the tiny hands of a pygmy wizard. Their target described, they screamed through the air, out of the dungeon, straight into the sky, and unto the firmament. Freyr had his powrful arms wrapped around his foe's neck - surely the battle would be over soon... but what? He was being attacked from behind! Freyr tossed his limp opponent aside and spun to face his new assaillant... but there was no one there...
"Hmmm," Freyr rumbled, "I'm going to have to follow that one up"

Grabthar, with his hammer, hammered a zombie into the equivalent of submission, and Arctik cleaved off another's leg with a stroke of his iron longsword.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**jwelvis629**

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

"Whoa, hey... this guy's pretty good!" Galahash thinks as he watched the barbarian angrily smashing away at the zombies...

Noticing everyone else smashing zombies, Galahash declares valiantly, "Hey guys, leave some for me!" and moves into the battle
to attack some zombies, making sure to stay clear of the wild swings of the barbarian.

Swinging mightily with sword, Galahash also attacks with his shield, leaving for defense only his shiny armor and his pure confidence,
since no one has been rude enough to actually swing back at Galahash in practice.....

**chaplaingrabthar**

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric with Warhammer & Chainmail

Grabthar sees the barbarians beserker fury take out one of the flaming zombies and is inspired to call upon his deity Perun to grant him additional strength to destroy the 8 remaining undead flambes. Or possibly a big ass lightning bolt.

Grabthar yells "Hey, Paladin dude, keep that shield UP!" at Galahash, hoping to aid his fellow semi-holy warrior.

Grabthar attempts to knee the nearest zombie in the groin will swinging the hammer down in a tremendous arc that terminates between the zombies lifeless eyes.

"Damnation, I need a drink," he thinks.

**OverbossGhurzubMoga**

Name: Ghurzub Moga
Class: Barbarian with Greatsword
Notes: Likes eating things and has an iron stomach. Also has an accent like the Orks from DOW.

Ghurzub comes up from behind the group, amused. He sees the remains of the flaming zombie and says, "Oi, dat there iz good foodz."

Ghurzub, with zombie parts hanging from his mouth, charges in to help destroy/consume the zombies.

**jwelvis629**

name: Galahash
class: awesomely handsome and heroic human paladin
notes: would have been king already, appointed by the simple villagers who are easily dazzled by his cleft chin,
bulging muscles and flowing locks of blond hair... if only he didn't waffle so easily and mumble so much...

huffing and puffing, Galahash bashes away at the zombies, muttering "when is the narrator going to describe my awesome fighting prowess? "

He glances at the wizards who seem to be laying about and distracted and mumbles "damn book worms leave all the fighting to us... HEY, that was MY zombie!" he complains to Morik, whose hammer decimated the zombie who he had been preparing to strike before he got distracted...

**chaplaingrabthar**

Name: Grabthar
Class: Cleric of Perun with Warhammer & Chainmail

Grabthar keeps mashing zombies with his hammer, wondering *hmmm, wonder what else is happening, if only there was some nice yellow text to tell me*

**Canaan**

Name: Sir Charles the Misplaced
Class/Type: Pygmy Kinetic Wizard...
Notes: Thinks he's is the greatest wizard of all time and the king of the Ch'tok pygmy tribe. Only knows spells that teleport or move things.. but cant ever seem to get his targeting right.. also suffer from bad ADD!

*Targets the fray this time and unleashes another volley of pygmy magic missiles hoping they hit the bad guys*

**Lint**

Name: Diggory
Class: Confused son of god
Notes: Illegitimate child of the deity Freyr, he has major daddy issues, and the ridiculous fear of his own toes.

Diggory steps out of a cloud of hazy smoke, disorientated and confused as to what just happened. Last thing he remembered was standing outside the gates to his fathers house demanding that his pa's whore of a gf let him in to retrieve his shoes.

**Deff Dread red Edition**

Name:Nevil Sheep-bottom
Class:Halfling fighter
Notes:Carries ornate short sword,ring of life and wears puffy clothing.Is also known to carry with him Jarian Goblin brandy.

Staggering up behined the heroes,Nevil screamed"Get the buggers aim fer' the head!"

After glacing around he finally decides to draw his sword,he runs into battle screaming"Fer' the Sheep-bottom clan!"

After many a minute of fighting off the shambling,burning horde Nevil looked around and shouted"I really need a drink!"

After some more time fighting and cursing Nevil looked around and seeing a door on the right-side of the room and said,"Hey lads I see an exit."

**Lint**

Name: Diggory
Class: Confused son of god
Notes: Illegitimate child of the deity Freyr, he has major daddy issues, and the ridiculous fear of his own toes.

Slowly regaining his senses, Diggory takes a look around and sees a band of mortals in a fight with some burning undeads.
"Fething humans," he mutters to himself. Looking down he winces, and quickly looks back up. "Fething toes."
An undead approaches him from behind, and without looking, Diggory dismembers it.
"Right then, what's this all about?" He says to himself as he approaches the band of mortals. "I could use a fething drink."

**Cheese Elemental**

Name: Morik the ANGRY
Class: ANGRY fighter with warhammer

Not bothering to wipe the zombie's brains from his face, Morik throws his warhammer full pelt at a zombie while screaming the ancient battlecry of his mighty clan... "IT'S HAMMER TIME YOU SUNAVABITCH!"

**Deff Dread red Edition**

Name:Nevil sheep-bottom
class:halfling fighter
Notes:Carries ornate short sword,ring of life and wears puffy clothing.Is also known to carry Jarian Goblin brandy.

Nevil at this stage was very drunk and very sick of fighting he slumped into a corner taking a sip of brandy and shouted into the air,"I wish there was more yellow text to futher the story!"

**Canaan**

Name: Sir Charles the Misplaced
Class/Type: Pygmy Kinetic Wizard...
Notes: Thinks he's is the greatest wizard of all time and the king of the Ch'tok pygmy tribe. Only knows spells that teleport or move things.. but cant ever seem to get his targeting right.. also suffer from bad ADD!

*Tries to cast Summon Yellow Text!*

**Deff Dread red Edition**

Name:Nevil sheep-bottom
class:halfling fighter
Notes:carries ornate short sword,ring of life and wears puffy clothing.Is also known to carry Jarian Goblin brandy.

After yet another day or so of fending off the zombie horde Nevil passed his brandy to the rest of his party as they watched yet more zombies pile forth."Good grief lads" he yeld,"When the hell is that yellow text arriving,my little bones are at breaking point!"

**halonachos**

Name: Halon Achos
Class: Human musketeer with blunderbuss
Notes: Blunderbuss almost never works. Oblivious.

Comes up from behind group and yells "Lookit at all the dead people.".

**bigdaddydreadnought**

Name: Azoth blint
Class:human pickpocket
Notes: carries a whole lot of knives

Crouches on a low hanging chandelier and watches the heroes, finally he speaks up as he drops a small brown bag, "one of you um... dropped this, here."