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Enigma of the Absolute wrote:
Avoid MGTOW sites, especially if you're feeling aggrieved about how it all ended. The last thing you need is some bitter, financially devastated 45 year old telling you that women aren't worth the trouble.

Seriously though, it sounds like you're still young so once the feelings of loss have passed you'll come out the other end a better person. Console yourself with the knowledge that it was probably never meant to be. Unfortunately some people spend the best part of a decade or longer with the wrong person and those sorts of breakups can be truly devastating because there's no way to get that time back and (especially if there are kids involved) they can have long term negative and life changing consequences.

Those sites are poison, I found myself on them after well falling in love with a girl who was legit very like me, the weird quirky person of my dreams and I came to learn she really couldn't care less about me.

In the end it did get me to push myself to move forward with things, like moving and planning my movie.
I still miss her even though we weren't a couple and wish I could bring myself to stop talking to her.

Congrats on coming to a place where you can take charge of your life and get back to being exactly who you are or working toward who you want to be!

Going through some gak myself right now too...ending a 19 year marriage (my choice) because for so many years I had supressed who I was at my core in order to try and fulfill her needs and those of the family.

I was angry and grumpy and resentful and feeling unfulfilled and empty...and this affected the relationship I have had with the spawn. I would snap at them and sometimes yell when it wasnt really necessary. It wasnt their fault...so it didnt need to be taken out on them.

Moving out on 4/1 was the best thing i could have done for myself and I firmly believe for my spawn too.

I am HAPPY again. I dont need to hide my true self and suppress my needs or wants or desires. I dont feel like a roommate anymore instead of a spouse who is loved and appreciated.

I habe also learned that yes..there are 3B females in the world and therr ARE women out there who can love you in the way that sings to your soul...they love you in a way that doesnt require you to hide who you are.

There is this "idea" that love is supposed to be hard..that real love takes work and sacrifice and will be the most difficult thing you will ever achieve.

BULL gak

When you find the right person that loves you in all the right ways, love comes easy...love is not hard...it doesnt make you feel like it is work because it just flows between the two of you effortlessly.

Can you work your ass off and learn to love someone? Sure.
But do you need to? Is it a requirement to do so? Absolutely not.

You will find someone that can love you in all rhe ways that fill your soul and whom you can fill in return.

 TheMeanDM wrote:
I was angry and grumpy and resentful and feeling unfulfilled and empty...and this affected the relationship I have had with the spawn. I would snap at them and sometimes yell when it wasnt really necessary. It wasnt their fault...so it didnt need to be taken out on them.

Moving out on 4/1 was the best thing i could have done for myself and I firmly believe for my spawn too.

When you call them like this I can only picture this in my head:

So I figured after about a month since I moved out that I'd come back with an update. I've been doing well. I have drank multiple times since the breakup, but I try not to get lost in alcohol. I've been working out a lot which is nice, I am enjoying the results. I do miss her, and have been wondering if I should contact her just to talk. I haven't been on any dates but my friend said she would set me up with one of her single friends. Havent picked up any dating apps yet either. So far single life has been good, but it has had it's very very deep lows. But I figured I would let dakka know and thank you guys for the help

Take it slow.

Don,t rush into anything.
Go if you feel comfortable doing so but if not wait till you feel ready not anyone else thinking you should be back on the market.

NO DO NOT CONTACT HER JUST TO TALK!

You're just dragging it out, and she might take that opportunity for you to accidentally run into her knife ten to twenty times.

Alternatively she might already have a new boy toy, and HE might not take kindly to you.

 Frazzled wrote:
NO DO NOT CONTACT HER JUST TO TALK!

You're just dragging it out, and she might take that opportunity for you to accidentally run into her knife ten to twenty times.

Alternatively she might already have a new boy toy, and HE might not take kindly to you.

Wise words. Don't contact her,TheLumberJack. Ignore any random contact from her (texts, FB messages, etc.) as well.

I foolishly played the "we're still friends game" after an ex and I split, and all it did was depress me further and eventually resulted in an even worse "second breakup" so avoid that trap. There is nothing beneficial from resuming contact. It opens wounds that are just beginning to scab, and it can lead to all sorts of emotional baggage. It's rough to say, but treat your ex like an illicit substance that you are addicted to, which is to say, avoid that substance at all costs. What's the anti-Meth tag line? Not Even Once? Repeat that if you think about contacting her. Not. Even. Once!

I do plan on still being friends with her in time. We were friends before we dated for over 2 years. As much as the break up pains me I never planned on throwing over 5 years of my life away

 TheLumberJack wrote:
I do plan on still being friends with her in time. We were friends before we dated for over 2 years. As much as the break up pains me I never planned on throwing over 5 years of my life away

Sorry to come off as an donkey-cave, but guess what, you just did. Thats how it works. You can't go back. if you try you will fail and it will be bad.


"If you love something let it go. If it was meant to be, it will come back to you. If it doesn't hunt it down and kill it."
-Albert Schweizer.

And I repeat.
Don,t date until you feel ready. Work to own timetable not someone else's...

Go out with that woman if you feel ready, don,t rush.

 jhe90 wrote:
And I repeat.
Don,t date until you feel ready. Work to own timetable not someone else's...

Go out with that woman if you feel ready, don,t rush.

Yeah that was the plan. Im still not sure if im ready yet, I havent had to actually date in over 3 years so ill probably wait a little longer and then hop back into the dating world. Thank you for the advice though

 TheLumberJack wrote:

 jhe90 wrote:
And I repeat.
Don,t date until you feel ready. Work to own timetable not someone else's...

Go out with that woman if you feel ready, don,t rush.

Yeah that was the plan. Im still not sure if im ready yet, I havent had to actually date in over 3 years so ill probably wait a little longer and then hop back into the dating world. Thank you for the advice though

Yeah, take it easy. Life can always wait a month if it needs to.
Just go with your gut and if it feel wrong, it probbly is.

 TheLumberJack wrote:
I do plan on still being friends with her in time. We were friends before we dated for over 2 years. As much as the break up pains me I never planned on throwing over 5 years of my life away

I became friends with a girl I dated for over 2 years. Took 7 years for us to get to that point, but it worked. This time. Don't be so quick to try to salvage things, even in the friendzone. If it happens in time it happens, but don't plan on it, and don't try for it.