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The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.1


Yancy woke up naked in an unfamiliar bed in an unknown bedroom. He tried to recollect where he was.

A girl’s crib? No such luck. There was no scent of girl, and he didn’t feel tired but relaxed.

"Ah, well…"

He looked around the room and recognised the decor. It was a hotel in the Dream Disco channel. His Kuudere Detective partner Moon Potato, and his Husbando the Princess Onecornchippy were in other bedrooms nearby.

They had moved here because his Yancie aspect accidentally had burnt down the Princess's Palace the day before. He was only naked because he didn't have any spare pyjamas to put on.

"Gonna hafta start looking for a new palace first thing. And buy some clothes."

Yancy turned his mind to the disturbing incident of the unplugged telephone. Moon’s desk phone in their detective agency had rung, and a voice had spoken, even after he pulled the cord out of the wall. The voice called again and again for help, speaking Japanese. But it did not respond to their replies.

A lyric from a song ran through his head:

“I never did believe in the ways of magic,
“But I’m beginning to wonder why. *1

Yancy did believe in the ways of magic. He had to. There was magic in him, where Holo the Wise-wolf had bit his ear.

Sometimes the scar sparkled with mana, people told him. He couldn't see it himself because his own ear was out of his eyesight.

It hadn’t done anything else so far. It hadn’t been able to activate Mariella’s time jumper *1, or power up Garden Fairy Yura’s magic portal *2.

But the magic was there even so. Perhaps it was just to mark him as a servant of Holo.

Yancy reorganised his wandering thoughts.

The key point was that an unplugged phone couldn’t carry a voice. There was no electric power, so there was no signal. But the voice was there. It wasn’t there by science, so it had to be there by magic.

What did it mean?

He thought for a while, but he didn’t have any more ideas, so he got up and went for breakfast. He had to wear the same clothes as the night before, which reminded him to go shopping as soon as possible.

Yancy asked to be seated at a four seat table, as he hoped one or both of the dames would join him. He called for coffee, and cruised the breakfast buffet. It was extensive. He intended to take full advantage.

Moon came in while Yancy was still filling a plate with Canadian bacon and fried eggs sunny side up.

“Hey Yancy. How did you sleep?”

“Great, thanks. How ‘bout you?”

"I had a bad dream, Yancy. It was really scary."

Moon looked tired and wan, not at all relaxed.

"Oh Moon, I'm sorry! Here, come and sit down. I'll bring you coffee and breakfast."

She sat slumped until he brought her favourites, fresh fruit and yoghurt, miniature Danish pastries, and poached eggs on toast.

Yancy poured coffee for her, adding plenty of cream and sugar for a rich, comforting drink.

"You know Moon, if you have a nightmare you hafta tell it to someone, so it won't come true."

She drank some coffee and ate a vanilla crown.

"I don't wanna remember but it's in my head so I suppose I better get it out."

"A trouble shared is a trouble halved, Moon."

She ate an egg, and another pastry.

"Right. Well. I was wandering around in a swamp, or something like that. There were lots of islands and pools and rivers. There were tall trees on the islands and sticking out of the water. They had these kind of like vines or shaggy mosses hanging off them. And thick undergrowth, bullrushes and stuff. It was pretty dark. I mean it was probably day but hardly any sun got through the trees.”

“Sounds horrible.”

“Yeah, it was. I was all wet and cold. I kept falling over and I got covered in dirt and mud. Then it got worse. I started to hear noises. Like big animals moving around near me. I felt like they were coming close, so I stood still. Then I heard voices. I thought I was saved. These people would help me. So I shouted out for help.”

“What happened?”

“This kind of creature, I don’t know how to describe it. It was about the same size and shape as me. Humanlike, I mean. It had green skin, and a kind of beak and human eyes. And a shell on its back, like a turtle."

“Sounds like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.”

“Yeah, it was like that! Anyway, it came out of the gloom. I was scared rigid. I didn’t know what to do. So the thing came towards me and I thought it was going to grab me. I ran off, and there was another one and I ran into it by accident, and knocked it over. The other one was still following me. It was splashing along close behind me. I found a tree I thought I could climb, and I practically ran up it.”

"That was brave!"

"No, it was stupid. Once I was up the tree, several of the turtle bois came around it and looked up at me. I realised I was stuck, unless they decided to go away. So I waited and waited but at least one of them was always there, watching me. I waited. I got colder and tireder and more and more scared. Eventually I fainted and fell out of the tree. And then I woke up."

"That was a pretty weird dream. If you had your gat, maybe you could of scared them away."

"I never thought of it."

"That's what it's like in dreams."

Yancy could tell Moon was still shook up. He wanted to hug her, but he thought it would be inappropriate. Instead he gave her a head pat and more coffee.

"When Chippy comes down you can tell her too. That'll be the trouble thirded."

The Princess came into the restaurant and sat down with them. Yancy let her talk to Moon while he got her a selection of food. He refreshed his own plateful, which had gone cold while Moon recounted her nightmare.

Moon cheered up from the kind attentions of her friends, and getting plenty of good breakfast inside her. They began to lay out plans for the day.

“Me and Onecornchippy need to go clothes shopping. I got nothing but what I’m stood up in. We hafta look for a new Palace too.”

Yancy had once had a 1LDK in Blue Home, but he gave it up when he became the Frog Prince and moved into Onecornchippy’s Palace. They both were homeless now.

“I’m on it. Got three offers on my phone already this morning.”

The Princess was well known in The Server. The news last night of her Palace burning down had energised high end estate agents. They went early to their offices, eager to be the provider of the next Frog Palace. Many coins and much prestige would accrue to the successful firm.

“What do you want to do, Moon?”

“Well, I don’t want to go to the office by myself. That phone might still be acting weird. Can I hang around with you guys today?”

Yancy was fine about it but he thought the Princess should make the decision. Not wanting to speak, he made a subtle questioning face at her instead.

“Sure, Moon. It’ll be fun.”

“Okay, great! Chippy, what’s the order of business? You’re in charge.”

“We’ll look at two apartments this morning. Then lunch. Then we’ll decide what to do in the afternoon. There'll be plenty of time for shopping."

Chippy got on her smartphone and made appointments for 10 and 11 o’clock, both viewings in the Blue Home channel.

“Fancy a change of scene, Princess?”

“No, it’s just luck there’s more places available over there.”

In truth there wasn’t much difference between the two Home channels. Blue Home maybe had a more laid back vibe to it.

Chippy and Yancy confirmed their hotel rooms for another night, since there was no way they could move into a new place the same day they chose it. Moon was going to return to her crib, so she vacated her hotel room and had the luggage left in store until the afternoon.

They took a taxi to the first appointment. It was on the top floor of a four storey brownstone building, a traditional New York kind of place, done up with lots of soft furnishings in an early 20th century style.

It had modern amenities which were tastefully blended in, giving an air of refined old-fashioned living combined with all the mod cons.

There were three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and two receptions, plus a kitchen-diner.

There was access to a roof terrace with a garden of planted up pots and tubs. Yancy didn’t go near the parapet.

The next place was on the 8th floor of an ultra-modern 10 storey building, one of the tallest in The Server, barring the Scarlet Cathedral. There was lots of steel and glass.

It was done up in Japanese style, one wetroom bathroom, a very large open plan LDK, a utility room, a second washroom, and four bedrooms plus some storage spaces.

Like the old Palace it had a balcony. This one wrapped around the west and south sides of the building. It would give some spectacular views of the sunset, and the Cathedral lit up at night.

Yancy was in two minds about that. He liked a view as much as anyone. He just didn't want to get out there with it, because of his irrational fear of heights.

The furnishings were minimalist yet comfy, modern Scandinavian style.

After this exciting morning everyone was hungry. The girls wanted something quick and easy so they could get to shopping all the sooner.

Ramen fit the requirements. Yancy, with his boi's metabolic need for more fuel, added a side of gyoza, and a glass of lager to his order.

They discussed the two flats they had seen but didn't come to a decision. There was a third property to view anyway. A British Georgian style townhouse.

Next they talked about shopping.

Yancy was pretty hopeful that his wardrobe was not fire damaged. The clothes probably just needed professional laundering, to get rid of dampness, and the smell of smoke and fire-fighting foam. The flames hadn’t reached the bedrooms. Building management was already taking care of the clean up.

However he needed some stuff to carry him through the next few days. A spare detective suit, a few days worth of smart casual stuff for his Frog Prince aspect, some underwear, and so on.

Plus pyjamas. He never usually slept naked except when he was going to get tired but relaxed. There was no immediate prospect of such a happy event.

The Princess had brought back a suitcase from Cowley Court and could keep going for a while. She was not the kind of girl to waste an excuse to extend her wardrobe, though. She and Moon planned an extensive itinerary of fashion departments.

"Look Chippy, maybe you and Moon should go and do that without me. I would just be a drag."

"You're sure? What will you do?"

"Knock yourself out, kids. I'll go and get my new things, and I'm gonna go to the office and take a look at that phone."

Fact was, the detective Yancy wasn't all that interested in fashion. He was more concerned with the phone problem.

"Aren't you scared of it?" Moon asked.

"Scared of a phone? I've got my gat if it makes a wrong move."

This seemed unlikely but you never knew. Some pretty strange stuff had happened to Yancy in The Server. He decided to load up a magazine of Skyen’s leftover silver magic bullets before he tackled the spooky telephone. *2

He grabbed the lunch bill and peeled away before the girls could start protesting. Both his detective machismo, and the modern Tokyo manners of his baseline aspect, demanded he pay for the ladies.


TO BE CONTINUED...

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

*1 You Make Loving Fun, by Fleetwood Mac, 1977.
*2 See The Case of the White Wolf for details of Skyen’s magic ammunition.

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.2


Yancy left the dames to their own devices and went to a men’s outfitters.

Yancy the detective had two main shopping modes. One was super decisive. He went in already knowing what he wanted, bought it, and went out. The other was super indecisive. It involved a lot of lingering, looking, choosing and then refusing, followed by coming back a week later. It was rare that he browsed and bought like a normal person.

This time he knew exactly what he needed. He chose a double-breasted three-piece detective suit in dark blue with a white chalk stripe. It had enough room for his shoulder holster not to bulge obviously. This made it a bit loose around the chest, which wasn’t strictly fashionable, but it was good for freedom of movement when he needed to punch someone.

The shop boi gave him a look when he saw the gat, but Yancy just gave him a cold stare back, and the shop boi buttoned his yap.

In fact the rod wasn’t even loaded. Yancy actually didn’t like guns all that much. He had to carry to support his hard-boiled aspect, and he knew it wasn’t a toy.

A loaded Colt 45 could go off accidentally, and a 45 ACP bullet didn’t just hurt people it hit, it blew bits off of them. So Yancy never loaded his heater until it was time to play for keeps.

Yancy went on to pick out some smart casual stuff which his Frog Prince aspect could wear for a few days in company with the Princess on informal occasions. He figured that by the weekend his main wardrobe from the torched Frog Palace would have been cleaned up. There would eventually be a house-warming party in the new Palace, for which he would dress formally.

He also bought some pyjamas. Yancy never slept naked except the times he was fixing to get tired but relaxed. There was no immediate prospect of that happening.

He had the shop boi pack everything and send it direct to his hotel room.

Next he went took a trolleybus down to The Deep. He intended to deal with the weirded out telephone.

Yancy entered the MPY Agency office and listened. It was silent. He went to his desk and unlocked the drawer containing the key to the hidden steel box. He got the hidden box from its hiding place under a loose floorboard and opened it. Inside was another key. He used this one to unlock the large, heavy-duty steel cabinet bolted securely to the main outer wall of the building.

Yancy hesitated before opening that cabinet. He had an ancient un-named aspect -- it had a name but no-one knew it -- which could be triggered in a real bad way by the contents of that locker. That aspect had its uses, but they were… specialised. And dangerous. So he tried to keep it suppressed.

He put his Colt into a drawer, to damp down his hard-boiledness, then opened the locker. As he expected, inside was The Gun, a Thompson sub-machine-gun with a wooden stock, a front pistol grip, a leather sling, and two high capacity drum magazines. Very hard-boiled.

The last time Yancy had seen The Gun it was bust in pieces and spiralling down into a remote mountain tarn. He had thrown it off the edge of the world, in an effort to rid himself of its influence. But it had made its own way back, as he thought it would. It was a very powerful totem.

The presence of The Gun might presage an episode of severe violence in the near future. If this came to be, the violence would be perpetrated by Yancy in some probably excessive way.

That was not the kind of member he wanted to be, so he tried to ignore The Gun, and the hand grenades which also were in the locker. He just grabbed up the bag of magic ammunition left over from the Case of the White Wolf. *1

Yancy checked the enchanted ammo and counted out seven 45 ACP rounds. There were also some magic 12-gauge shotgun shells, containing multiple, very expensive sigil embossed silver pellets. These were for Moon’s shotgun. He didn’t need them right now, so he put the bag back in the locker and locked everything up again.

He took the empty magazine out of his pistol and filled it with the magic bullets. As well as being jacketed in silver bullion, instead of steel, each round had a sigil engraved into it. This would attack and deplete any daemonic power in the target. He slid the magazine into the gun.

Fully prepared, Yancy paused and listened.

There was some kind of movement from the filing cabinet where they had stashed the weird phone the previous evening. A knocking noise. That was alarming. Last night the phone had rung and delivered a voice to them. It had not moved by itself. It had gained more power.

Yancy cocked his pistol, put it on safe, and slid it into his shoulder holster. Then he pulled the filing cabinet drawer open.

Something shot out, faster than he could react. It whacked him in his right eye and he saw stars.

Yancy lashed out instinctively, punching something hard which hurt his fist bad. He had forgotten to put on his brass knuckles.

He got another whack in the gut, jumped backwards and and fell over, bashing his butt and head on the floor. This was a very bad start to the fight.

Out of his left eye Yancy saw a snake-like thing coming out of the filing cabinet. It was the receiver of the spooky phone, animated on the flex which connected it to the base unit containing the dial. It was hissing. The bell started to ring.

Yancy, still on the floor, kicked the filing cabinet drawer shut, trapping the phone handset by its cord. The vicious receiver jumped and jerked towards him, but the flex was the old-fashioned type, made of a tough braided fabric rather than coiled plastic. It had limited stretch. The handset could only reach his shins. It started to give them a good thumping, which was surprisingly painful.

Yancy tried to kick the receiver with his right foot while holding the drawer shut with his left. This was no help. It was a fast moving target, difficult to hit.

“I gotta do something, and quick.”

He pulled out his Colt, clicked off the safety, and stopped kicking so he could get a clear shot at the filing cabinet. He put a shot into the centre of it, hoping to hit the base unit. Then another shot, spaced a few inches away, just in case.

The handset suddenly jerked rigid on its flex, shuddered, and slumped to the floor, apparently dead. If it was ever alive.

Yancy took this chance, got up, grabbed the handset and whacked it against the metal filing cabinet repeatedly until it broke into several bits.

He figured he had won, but to be extra careful he opened the drawer with his gat aimed ready. Inside was the base unit. There was a bullet hole in the dial. He saw a dying glow from the magic sigil as it burnt the daemonic force out of the instrument.

He hoped the other bullet hadn't gone somewhere bad, but it was a relatively low velocity round and the silver was softer than steel, so it would not penetrate very far after going through several layers of steel filing cabinet. Something to worry about later.

Yancy got the bits of the handset, chucked them into the filing cabinet, slammed the drawer shut, and locked it. Then he dropped into his chair and pulled a pint bottle of rye whiskey out of the desk drawer. He took a good slug straight from the bottle’s neck, and tried to calm his heart.

His right eye and socket hurt bad, and he had started to see double, which was frightening and made it difficult to navigate. The back of his head hurt. He had the beginning of the worst headache ever. His gut hurt, and his ass, plus his shins felt badly bruised. He thought he might have cracked something in his right hand. It was heavily bruised and swelling up. The only good thing was, no obvious bleeding anywhere.

“It’s a long time since I got beat up this bad. I need to get myself to a sawbones PDQ.”

Yancy had the good sense to make his rod safe by removing the magazine and ejecting the loaded round. He reloaded it into the magazine, which he slid back into the gun. He set the safety, put the gat back into his holster, and took another good swig at the rye.

He heaved himself up to go out and find a taxicab.

“Gee, Mac. You look like you need a doctor bad. You been mugged or something?”

“Yeah, something like that. But you should see the damn telephone. Get me to the hospital, Buddy, and don’t spare the horsepower.”

He shoved a handful of coins at the driver and passed out across the back seat.


TO BE CONTINUED...

*1.The Case of the White Wolf explains Skyen’s magical daemon-quelling ammunition.

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.3


Onecornchippy and Moon were having a great time. They went to a swanky department store which had a personal shopping service. This let them enjoy a mini fashion show in a private room, where they viewed a series of dresses and trouser suits.

Eventually Chippy bought a maxi dress, a mini cocktail dress, and a suit. Moon picked up a suit for herself, a more feminine number than the boi styled suits she often wore in her detective aspect. They were going to look at lingerie next when the Princess’s phone rang.

“Unknown number.”

She answered anyway. It could be another estate agent. But it was the hospital.

“Oh my Goddess! Moon, it’s Doctor Mayoy. Yancy’s in hospital. He’s been in a fight. It sounds pretty bad.”

Moon immediately felt terribly guilty.

“Oh nooo! It’s my fault.”

She and Yancy always guarded each other’s backs. She had let him rush off in his macho impetuosity and get himself in trouble, while she enjoyed herself in the pursuit of fashion.

Chippy gave her a hug.

“Don’t blame yourself, girlfriend. Yancy wanted you to have a good time. He must have run into something that took him by surprise. Anyway, we had better get up there and see how he is.”

Onecornchippy quickly arranged for their shopping to be delivered to her room at the hotel. They jumped in a taxicab and went to the hospital in the Mod Channel.

The Princess was Yancy’s Husbando, so there was no nonsense about it being outside of normal visiting hours. She and Moon were conducted by a porter to the intensive therapy unit, where Yancy was under observation.

They weren’t allowed in. Mayoy sympathetically explained Yancy’s injuries and treatment, as they saw him from the nurse’s station.

He looked pretty bad, he was on a ventilator, a catheter for urine, and a venous cannula for a drug pump. He was wired with sensors for blood pressure and pulse, EEG, and ECG. He had bandages on his hand and head.

“He was brought in unconscious by a taxidriver. It looks like he got into a fight, but he was able to catch the cab before he lost consciousness. He spoke to the cab driver.

“He’s suffered multiple traumas from a blunt object. The worst is his right eye socket, which is badly bruised but fortunately not fractured. We’ve done a scan, of course. His whole body, with particular attention to his head.

“He’s also got a bruise on the front abdomen, and multiple bruises to the legs, which look painful but they aren’t dangerous. Plus, generalised bruising to the buttocks. It looks like he fell over backwards.

“He's chipped a couple of knuckles in his right hand. That's minor. It can be immobilised with a simple dressing, but he won’t be punching or shooting things for a while.

“He also has an injury on the back of his head. This worries me because it’s close to the place he got injured while he was Yancie. That caused a mild concussion and it was only a couple of days ago. *1

“We won’t know about possible damage to his sight until he wakes up and we can question him. We’re keeping him in an induced coma for the moment, due to the possibility of a bleed on the brain.

“If things go well tonight, we’re rouse him in the morning and check his sight and cognitive function."

“Doctor, are there any clues as to how all this happened?”

“Yes. He was carrying a pistol which had been very recently fired and then made safe. This implies he was attacked and fought back. It also shows he was conscious and lucid for a while after the attack. We’ve kept it for evidence in case there has to be an inquiry.

"On the face of it, Yancy was attacked by someone, he took damage but won and got away. It’s impossible to know if he shot anyone. There haven’t been any gunshot woundings reported. Whoever it was could just be dead, of course, or maybe he fired warning shots.”

“Doctor Mayoy, thank you very much for taking such good care of my Waifu, and thank you for your very clear explanation. May I ask, how bad is it really, in general terms?”

“He’s young, tough and healthy. He’s getting the best care available. There is every prospect of a full recovery.

"That’s all I can say now. We’ll know more tomorrow, after a night of observation and another brain scan.”

“Can someone stay with him, Doctor?”

“Visitors aren’t allowed in the ITU. You could sit on the bench in the corridor, but it’s very uncomfortable. I honestly think you would serve everyone’s best interests by going home and getting some rest yourselves. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

They programmed Mayoy’s number into their smartphones and set a special ringtone.

Moon felt a bit more cheerful. Mayoy’s explanation made Yancy’s injuries seem less bad than they looked. He was a pretty tough boi and she figured he would be up and about in a few days, though he would have to take things easy for longer.

They went out and thought about what to do.

“Chippy, I better ring up Nymphi and tell her what’s happened.”


Nymphi was Yancy’s Waifu. They didn’t seem as close as lovers, but they were special friends, and it was a social duty to let her know the situation. Moon knew her because Nymphi had been closely involved in the Case of the Head Patting Cafe.

Moon made the call, and filled Nymphi in on things. She didn’t feel it right to give Dr. Mayoy’s number to Nymphi, but she gave Nymphi’s number to Mayoy.

Nymphi asked if they could all go to the Scarlet Cathedral and pray. Members of The Server weren’t usually very religious, but the Cathedral was available for members of any faith to satisfy their spiritual needs.

Yancy himself had sometimes expressed some vague sense of the spiritual, so this seemed the right time to light some candles or burn incense.

Chippy flagged down a cab. They met Nymphi outside her apartment block, and went to the Cathedral.

The impressive building imposed a sense of calm and spiritual sensibility upon them. They felt the presence of a higher power, even if it was illusory. They prayed or pretend to pray, as they individually believed. The main thing was, they were united in concern for Yancy’s recovery.

Once the girls finished at the Cathedral, they rode the trolleybus back Up Server. The Princess and Moon got off at the Dream Disco stop. Nymphi stayed on to get back to her 1LDK.

“Listen Moon, we ought to get some food. Let’s eat together. And do you want to stay in Yancy’s room tonight? He doesn’t need it.”

“Thanks, Princess. That would be nice. I reckon I’d feel pretty blue in my 1LDK all alone.”

They had dinner in the hotel’s restaurant. It was fairly late when they finished, so they said Goodnight and went to their rooms.

Moon entered Yancy’s room and found it had been serviced. There were fresh amenity kits in the bathroom. The clothes he had bought that day were stowed in the wardrobe in delivery bags. She unpacked them and hung them up to avoid creases.

Also hanging in the wardrobe was Yancy’s trench coat. She gathered it in her hands and smelt the fabric. It was overdue for dry cleaning. It smelt of Yancy, a mixture of his favourite aftershave and boi sweat, with some gun oil for spice, and a hint of rye whiskey.

Yancy the detective wasn’t a dirty boi, but he wasn’t as much of a clean boi as Yancy the Frog Prince.

Smell is a powerful instinctive trigger of thoughts and emotions. Yancy’s smell brought back a lot of times they had been together on cases. Good or bad, they were times she and Yancy had been a solid team, helping members in trouble.

Moon felt blue again, to smell Yancy and think of him in the hospital, wired to all those machines. She rang up the Princess on the house phone.

“Um, Chippy, sorry to ring so late. I’m really feeling down. Would it be okay if I come and stay with you tonight?


“Sure Moon. If anything happens it’s best we are in one place.”

Moon borrowed Yancy’s new pyjamas, which were way too big for her, because she hadn’t got any nightwear of her own. She had figured on going to her own crib tonight. But it was better than being naked.

In the Princess’s room, Chippy had cracked open the minibar. She wasn’t drunk, nor was she trying to get drunk. She just wanted to relax a bit. She offered Moon a Scotch whisky with ice and water.

They sat and talked about the mystery of what had happened.

“Yancy isn't the kind of guy who gets into bar fights, Chippy, and he wouldn’t shoot someone if he did. He's not a stone killer.”

“Could it be a professional hit?”


“Not a very good one. He would be dead.”

“Do you detectives have such dangerous enemies in The Server anyway?”

“Not really. We don’t do a lot of serious criminal cases.”

There wasn’t all that much crime in The Server. This was due to a number of factors including low inequality, a decent basic standard of living, and the permissive rule of Mistress Kou, which had decriminalised a number of social offences such as recreational drugs.

Early in their career, Moon and Yancy had helped bust up an organised gang of potato counterfeiters operating out of NSFW. But those people were ex-members now, permanently banned by the Mods.

While they talked, Moon used the housewife provided in the amenity kit to alter Yancy’s new PJs so they kind of fit her in a baggy way.

“Chippy, I basically think he went to the office to look at that spooky phone, and it attacked him.”

“It’s going to get scary round here if everyday inanimate objects like phones start to come to life and attack people.”

“Like that time when the bots started to turn into zombies. But that was evil science. This is something else.”

“The Mods will know what to do.”

Chippy went for a shower. Moon had another whisky. She found she liked Scotch, and took a picture of the label to remember the make. It was Glenfiddich 15yo Solera Reserve.

When Chippy came out Moon had a hot bath. She hung on until her fingers and toes got wrinkly. It was very relaxing. When she came out it was pretty late.

“Which side of the bed do you want, Moon?”

The bed was a massive king size which easily fit them both without any crowding.

“The side near the window.”

They got in. Both knew they batted for the same team, the team for girls who like bois rather than girls. So there was no tension in the atmosphere.

“Hey Moon, you know Yancy fancies you?”

“Of course. It’s so obvious. He’s never done anything about it, though. The opposite. He’s taken so much care not to get ‘tangled up’, as he says. It’s his rule.”

“How about you?”

“You mean, do I fancy Yancy?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I mean, a bit. He’s quite a hunk, and he's a nice guy even though he’s got some rough edges. But I agree with his rule. I’d rather stay his friend and partner than… you know. It could spoil everything.”

“Who has Yancy got then, Moon?”

“Baseline Yancy has a girlfriend in Tokyo. Her name is Hikaru. He hasn’t got anyone in The Server though. Nymphi is a girl friend, not a girlfriend."

Moon knew also that the relationship between Frog Prince Yancy and Princess Chippy was strictly Platonic.

"He liked Major Tomoko."

"He was so drunk at the time. ‘In Vino Veritas,’ though. That was just, er, lust, though. "

"No, I mean afterwards he said some things to me."

"But Tomoko's always off on missions in that starship she's got, Heart of Choko."

"Yeah. It would be a very long distance relationship."

"How about that firegirl, Blaise? I think he fell for her."

"Yeah but she met Yancie the gadabout, not Yancy the detective or Yancy the Frog Prince. Who knows which one Blaise would like, if any of them?”

“I don't know if Yancie will ever come back. Look at what he did in less than three days."

It was a good point.

“Hey Chippy, as long as we’re talking about love, how about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I know you and Yancy are strictly Platonic. Don’t you want to meet a special boi?”

“I met an air force boi once. He left so soon. I don’t know if he’s ever coming back.” *2

Chippy sounded blue.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Moon.”

They clasped hands, to share friendly love and companionship, and tried to sleep.


TO BE CONTINUED…

*1. The Case of the Cow Creamer Crisis.
*2. The Frog Princess in Love

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.4


The night passed peacefully for all.

The Princess and Moon shared sisterly warmth. Comforted, they had no nightmares, only happy dreams.

Onecornchippy processed in style through the glittering halls and formal gardens of a splendid palace. The fortunes of the Imperial House had been fully restored.

Moon danced and pranced in the arms of her best boi, then they sated their hunger and thirst with an Italian feast and the finest wines.

All by herself in her cosy 1LDK, Nymphi won the championship for best head patter in The Server. Her Japanese employers hoisted her on their shoulders in triumph.

Doctor Mayoy slept fully dressed in the on-call doctor’s bedroom. She started to dream of a full night’s sleep. She was not called, so she got one, the first in several days.

Yancy had no dreams. His consciousness was suppressed by medical intervention. His spirit wandered in distant unknown realms. Who can ever know who or what it encountered there? Only Goddess.

....

Dawn came to The Server.

The members stirred reluctantly. Hotel staff leapt up to prepare breakfast for hungry guests.

Mayoy arose fully refreshed. She had a shower, some food, and went on her early rounds. Her first visit was the ITU to see Yancy.

His vital signs were promising. She ordered another brain scan. The imaging was clear and good. No signs of the feared coup contra coup injury, which sometimes could develop hours after the actual trauma. She decided to withdraw the coma therapy, to minimise its adverse side effects.

The eye would have to be left to resolve by itself for the meanwhile. No intervention was justified until Yancy could aid a diagnosis by describing his visual symptoms.

Next Mayoy messaged Yancy’s friend group containing Onecornchippy, Moon, and Nymphi.

Mayoy: Yancy made good progress overnight.
I have withdrawn coma therapy.
It takes time to wear off.
He should begin to come out from under in the early evening.
I will message you again when he begins to stir.

This news was a huge relief to everyone. They went to their breakfasts full of pep, and fuelled themselves up heartily.

“What will we do today, Chippy?”

“I can go and see more palaces. Do you want to come with, Moon?”

“It would be fun, but if I’m honest, I want to get back to detecting.”

“Can you detect by yourself?

“Yes, but it’s not ideal. I reckon the most urgent thing is to check out the agency office and the spooky phone. I don’t want to go alone, and I think I know who I can get to help me.”

"Who's that?"

"Janjan."

"The boi who was at Cowley Court last weekend? He’s just a n00b."

"Yancy was a n00b when you met him, and he’s turned out alright."

The Princess remembered several occasions when Yancy had made her regret claiming him for a Waifu.

On the other hand he had achieved a lot of good things. He had taught her to ballroom dance, he had been crucial in averting the Zombot Apocalypse, and he had set light to her palace, thus justifying the move into a new and better one.

“I suppose you and I were n00bs too, when we first came here, Moon.”

“There you are. Okay, have fun with the palace viewings, Chippy. I need to get going. We’ll meet up later in the afternoon and go to visit Yancy.”

Moon went back to Yancy’s room, which she had borrowed for the night but not slept in. She bagged all the luxurious toiletries and amenity kits and stuffed them into her meagre luggage, along with Yancy’s pyjamas she had appropriated.

She thought of raiding the minibar, but that would end up costing the Princess plenty, which seemed ungracious, so she just looked regretfully at the miniature bottles of Glenfiddich.

She turned down the duvet and left a couple of coins under the pillow, for whoever would service the room.

Next Moon phoned Housekeeping and asked them to send someone to pack up all Yancy’s clothes and deliver them to her 1LDK. She took his trench coat over her arm.

Moon took a final look around, to see everything was good, and lit out for the territory. She quickly gained the sanctuary of her own 1LDK and checked everything was good there.

Having unpacked and made a shopping list, she changed into her detective suit and checked her gat. It was a neat Beretta 0.32 calibre, which fit with a spare magazine in her handbag and left space for girl necessities. Her hard-boiled detective aspect locked solidly in place. She felt cool and competent.

“Copacetic. Let’s bell this n00b and fix a meet.”

Moon rang Janjan and invited him for lunch at the corner diner in The Deep, near the agency office. He was surprised, and agreed as much out of curiosity as anything.

Janjan was first to the diner partly because he was a n00b and didn’t want to keep a higher level member waiting. But also because he was polite.

He sat at the window counter with a soda, so he could look out for her. Moon noted this and approved, then took him to a more private booth.

“Okay, Janjan, I’m not here because you got a pretty face. This is an interview. I’m going to buy you lunch, and ask you some questions, and tell you some things. Then I may or may not offer you a job. If I offer it you, you don’t have to accept unless you’re happy with the conditions, so ask any questions you like. Got that?”

“Yes, sir, Ms Potato!”

Janjan was pretty surprised. The last time he met Moon she had been in the aspect of Muun, a rather supercilious English butler. The tough-talking moll bracing him now was a very different character.

Moon ordered the blue plate special, which today was roast chicken, sausages and carrots and french fries, with unlimited refills on coffee. Janjan was a socially astute boi, so he ordered the exact same.

The food came quickly, but the pair ate slowly, as they needed to talk.

“Have you heard of the MPY Detective Agency?”

“Kind of. I read about a few things they were mixed up in which happened before I came to The Server.”

“Yeah. MPY stands for Moon Potato-Yancy. It’s Yancy’s and my agency. We started it together and we’re equal partners. I’m not going to tell you all the stuff we’ve done but if you want to know, send a message to one of the Mods. They know most of it.”

“I wouldn’t dare bother the Mods.”

“They don’t bite, not even Mistress Kou. Anyway, the point is I don’t got a lot of time so you’ll have to believe what I say for now, and check it out later if you want to.”

“I understand.”

“We’re in between cases at the moment, but some weird stuff happened lately, and the long and short of it is that Yancy’s ended up in the hospital in a coma. I know that sounds bad, but the doc says he’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I mean I’m sorry he’s been badly injured. How did it happen?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve got some suspicions. I need someone to help me confirm them.”

“Are you asking me to become a detective?”

“Not so fast, big boi. I can’t offer you a job as a detective cause Yancy would have to approve you as well. But I can offer you a job as a sidekick.”

“Why me? I’m just a n00b.”

“Yancy was just a n00b once. Someone pretty high up saw something in him and took him on, and look where he’s ended up.”


“In hospital.”

“I put that badly. What I meant is that Yancy’s done a lot of good stuff as a detective and as a Waifu.”

“Do you want me to be your Waifu?”

This idea came as a surprise to Moon. It had not occurred to her to make such a proposal. She hid her confusion by forking up a load of french fries.

“No, that’s not on today’s agenda. Thanks for the thought, though. But let me finish my piece."

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was a fair question. Right, here’s the deal. I need someone to watch my back while I do a bit of detecting. It needs to be someone with some wits and guts.”

“I don’t think I have wits and guts!”

“Don’t sell yourself short, boi. Last weekend at Cowley Court, when I was in my Muun aspect, I observed you.

“You were the n00best member there, sat among the nobs and gentry. Most n00bs would have been shrinking violets, or made a big fool of themselves somehow. But you kept your cool. That’s an important quality.

“You played cards well too. That shows intelligence and guts. And you swung a mean mallet out on the croquet lawn."

“Thank you for your compliments, Ms Potato."

"I'm not trying to flatter you, just saying what I saw."

"Well. What's involved in this detecting job?"

Moon looked him over. Janjan was a medium built boi about five feet nine, with short neat black hair. A fairly average kind of guy, which was an advantage in surveillance operations. He was wearing a plain, dark blue sports blazer over a pale blue cotton Oxford shirt, khaki chinos and black tassel loafers. He obviously had dressed up a bit, but not too much.

“I’ve got a few more questions first. Can you handle a gat?”

“A what?”

“A gat, a heater, a rod, a convincer…”

“Sorry, I’m just confused.”

“One of these.”

Moon pulled her Beretta out of her handbag and showed it to him.

“Wow. Is that real? Is it loaded?”

“You bet it’s real. A hard-boiled Kuudere detective has to carry. It’s obligatory. It’s not loaded though. Well it is, but I haven’t cocked it, so it’s completely safe.”

“Okay, I’m not sure I understand everything about being hard-boiled, but I have fired pistols and shotguns before, just for target practice or shooting pheasants.”

“Good. Next thing. Do you know how to keep it zipped?”

Janjan’s eyes popped a bit. Keep what zipped, he thought, my fly? But he didn’t say this out loud.

“I mean your mouth. Detectives sometimes see stuff which everyone doesn’t need to know about. So if I tell you to forget something, you forget it. This is called client confidentiality and professional discretion.”

“I understand. I won’t be party to any criminal acts or injustices, though.”

“Well said. We don’t do criminal stuff. Sometimes we walk along the soft edge of the law a bit, but only if strictly necessary due to higher ethical considerations. We’re here to stop injustice, so you needn’t worry about that kind of thing.”

“You mean like you might run a red light to get somewhere in time to save a life?”

“Yeah. That kind of thing. Broadly speaking."

"Hmm."

“There’s one other thing. Yancy has a rule. ‘No tangles with staff members.’ That’s going to apply to you too. If you find yourself wanting to get tired but relaxed, get your eyes roving somewhere else. I don’t know how you swing, but Yancy and me are both off limits, and so are you to us.”

“Okay. It’s a good rule.”

“Right. Here’s what I want to do. I’ll give you 40 clams to come with me to an office near here. In that office you’ll guard my back from a possible attack by someone or something with a blunt weapon. It’ll take 30 minutes max, so it’s easy money. If you do good enough, I’ll offer you a week full time at 20 clams an hour plus expenses.”

“Is a clam money?”

“It’s what you call a coin if you’re hard-boiled.”

“What is the chance of me getting hurt? I mean, you carry a gun.”

“On this job very low. If I take you on for longer, well, I can’t promise you won’t get hurt. It’s not like being an office worker. But we do have good insurance and access to the best hospital in The Server.”

“Everyone does.”

This was true. The Server had a social-democratic health system which provided high quality, low-cost treatment at the point of need for all its members.

Moon looked at him.

“Are you in or are you out, n00b boi?”

Janjan was a bit stung by this. However, he didn’t rise to the bait. Instead he coolly considered his options. He thought of Yancy, who started a n00b boi and now was the Frog Prince and a respected detective.

“Oh, there’s one other thing I got to ask. Do you have any phobias?”

“Like what?”

“Like say an irrational fear of heights, for instance. Yancy has it. Sometimes it’s a problem. Actually it’s nearly always a problem, on every case.”

“No, I don’t have anything like that.”

“Good.”

Moon figured she hadn’t done a great interview but the waiter was giving her the stink eye for blocking the booth during the lunch rush. She threw enough coins on the table to cover the bill and a good tip, and walked out.

“Hang on Ms Potato, I’m coming with you!”


TO BE CONTINUED…


© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.5


Ms Potato walked out of the diner and stopped in the channel outside. I ran to catch up.

“Ms Potato, I’m in.”

“Good. You just got four lessons in hard-boiled detective work.”

“How’s that, Ms Potato?

“Did you see the waitboi giving us the stink eye?”

“No.”

“He was annoyed because we were blocking his best booth during the lunchtime rush. Noticing things like that is called situational awareness. It’s about reading people’s moods and things that’re going on around you.

“Next lesson, did you see I left a double size tip? That way, the next time he’ll remember me as a good customer, not a booth hogging bitch.

“Third lesson is, that tip was part of how we look after the little people. If we want to know who’s been eating what and when, who do you ask? The waitboi or the restaurant’s owner?”

“The waitboi.”

“Exactly. Hard-boiled detectives spend a lot of time on the mean streets. We gotta get the little people on our side. They know things.”

“I see.”

“Fourth lesson. When I got up suddenly and went out, that was a ‘jack move’. That means a sudden unexpected move which jars loose a static situation. You gotta be careful with a jack move because it can go any which way, depending. But you were just sitting there thinking, and I needed you to decide. So I forced it.”

I was beginning to have some inkling of what I was getting into. Something maybe a bit dangerous. And exciting.

“Let’s get on with it, Janjan. I told you half an hour tops.”

Ms Potato led me down the channel and round a corner. She stopped in front of a dull, mid-size office building. She let us in with a code she concealed from me. There was no security inside. There was a concierge station but no-one there. This was a pretty low rent area.

We walked upstairs to the first floor. Ms Potato stopped outside an ordinary looking wooden office door with a frosted glass panel, and a name on it in gold lettering.

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency

Ms Potato stopped to look at the door. I sensed she was caught in some emotion. Or maybe she was listening?

“That’s me and Yancy, Janjan. We’re Kuudere Detectives. We’re the best detectives in The Server.”

“What’s kuudere, Ms Potato?”

“Tell you later. We need to get on with it.”

She unlocked the door and went in. I followed and tried to use situational awareness to get an impression of the surroundings.

It was a typical small office. Two desks with big standup typewriters on them. One also had a Bakelite dial telephone. There was a coat stand with a snap-brim hat on it which had a bullet hole in the crown. There was another snap brim hat lying upside down in a corner.

“Look Ms Potato, another hat.”

“Good spot, rookie. That’s Yancy’s hat. He must have been here when he was attacked, and it got knocked off.”

A tall heavy steel cabinet bolted to the outside wall next to the window. A door to another room, possibly a storecupboard. Some filing cabinets.

There was a faint smell in the air of something burnt.

Ms Potato picked up the hat and put it on the coat stand. She pointed to one of the filing cabinets.

“What do you see?”

“There are two holes punched in the bottom drawer, the big one where you hang files.”

Ms Potato looked too. She recognised the holes for 45 calibre. She figured Yancy had shot through the door.

“If it was inside the drawer when he shot it, how did he get himself in such a mess?

“Okay. Here’s how we are going to do this. There’s something in that drawer which may be dangerous.

“We’re going to open the drawer carefully, in a way which lets us whack whatever’s in there if it comes at us.”

“Ms Potato, what do you think is in the drawer?”

“A Bakelite dial telephone and a man’s tweed suit.”

“Dafuq?” I thought, but I said nothing.

Ms Potato went to one of the desks, opened a drawer and took out a ball of twine, the type you tie up parcels with.

“Here, tie a long length of this to the handle of the drawer. Double it and make it strong. Put a big loop in the free end.”

I started on this simple task. Ms Potato went and got something else. When I finished and turned round, she gave me something which looked like a baby baseball bat with a cord through the end of the handle.

“What’s this? It looks like a baby baseball bat. With a lanyard.”

“It’s a rounders bat. That’s a game from Britain, a bit like Baseball but they play with a smaller bat, one-handed.”

“What do you want me to do with it?”

“Loop the cord over your hand and around your wrist, it’s a lanyard so you won’t drop the bat.”

I obeyed.

“Okay, grab the handle and give a few swings.”

I found it made for a pretty mean club.

“What do you think, Janjan? Could you give someone a good whack with that?”

“I guess so, if I had to.”

“Yeah. There’s someone you may meet one day, who dual wields those babies. She’s a specialist in delivering blunt force trauma in close quarters combat.”

“Oh?”

“She’s a Space Marine.”

“...”

“Her name is Major Dammijj.”

I wanted to say “you’re kidding” but I buttoned my lip. I didn’t think she was kidding.

“You have some interesting acquaintances, Ms Potato.”

“Yeah. Right, next step. I’ve got to open something secret. You need to look out the front door for a coupla minutes.”

I did this. I didn’t try to see what she was doing because I bet Ms Potato would be watching to see if I did. I heard a series of clicks, clonks, rustlings and other sounds indicating that Ms Potato was doing… what?

Something heavy and rattly dropped onto a desktop.

“You can look now.”

I turned around. A boring brown paper bag was lying on the desktop. The kind you bring your groceries home in.

“Okay Janjan, sit down for a minute.”

Ms Potato sat down too and poured the contents of the paper bag on to the desktop. It was a mixture of big fat bullets and shotgun shells. They rolled around. We caught them from falling off the edge and stood them on their flat ends.

Ms Potato lined them up and counted them, writing tallies and sums on a yellow legal pad. Then she lined up five shotgun shells, and put the rest of the cartridges back into the bag.

“There are seven pistol rounds missing. That’s one fill of Yancy’s heater. I need you to look out the door again.”

The clicks, clonks and so on were repeated, in reverse, and then a different noise.

“You can look again now.”

I turned around. Ms Potato was holding a 12-gauge slide action shotgun, pointed carefully at the ceiling.

“Ulp!”

One by one she fed the five shells she had kept back into the gun's magazine.

“This is just a precaution, Janjan. Listen up, here’s the plan. I’m going to sit here.”

She moved a chair to face the filing cabinet with the holes in it.

“You’re going to stand there.”

She scratched a mark to the right of the cabinet.

“I’m going to pull the drawer open with the string you put on it.”

I guessed the next bit.

“If something jumps out, you’re gonna whack it with your rounders bat. BUT. If you miss, then it’s shotgun time. No messing around.

“So you’ll need to get out my way quick. But don’t worry, there’s hardly any spread at this range. You’ll be fine."

I had expected this, although I had hoped not to hear it.

“Gulp.”

Ms Potato unlocked the cabinet and racked the shotgun's slide.

“You ready?”

“Yes, sir, Ms Potato.”

She sat in the chair, looped the end of the string round her ankle, and raised the shotgun into firing position. I got into position and raised my bat. I took a practice swing.

“Okay. I’ll count down from 3 to 1 and then we’ll go on Go. It will be 3, 2, 1, Go, but slower. Ready?”

“I’m ready, Ms Potato.”

My heartbeat was about 150 per minute.

“Good. 3… 2… 1… Go!”

She pulled her ankle back sharply and the drawer shot open. I jerked my bat down, but nothing happened, nothing came out. We waited a second, and nothing happened again.

We both exhaled deeply.

“I guess Yancy did for the bastard last night.”

Ms Potato got up and came over to look at the drawer. She reached in and pulled out a Bakelite dial phone in pieces, and what looked like a man’s three piece tweed suit, torn, singed, damp and smelling of smoke. She put the suit on one desk and the pieces of phone on the other. She shut the drawer.

“Okay Janjan, you’re a boi. Using your male logic, what do you make of this situation?”

I looked at the various bits of evidence.

“I reckon someone put the phone in the filing cabinet, and shot it through the door. They shot twice, because there are two holes in the front of the drawer. They hit the phone’s base unit right in the dial. You can see the hole. There isn’t a hole on the back of the phone, so the bullet must have stuck inside. I don’t know why the suit was in there or why it’s all damp and smoky.”

“That was Yancie’s suit he wore when he set light to the Frog Palace.”

“OMG” I thought. “WTF have I got myself into here.” But I tried to keep my face impassive.

“That was good logic, boi. Here’s what happened. Two nights ago we were here. Yancy, me, and the Princess Onecornchippy.

“This wreckage was my phone. It was whole then and working fine. But suddenly it rang by itself, and there was a voice, even after we pulled the cord out of the wall.

“We put it in the filing cabinet with the suit to muffle it.”

I had nothing to say to that. It sounded impossible. But, in The Server? Lots of things were possible.

“So, we’ve now got Yancy in hospital beaten up. There’s his hat left here in the office. There are two bullet holes in the front of the cabinet which match his gat.

“Yancy came down here to look at the phone. He told me he was going to do that and obviously he did. It must have jumped him and they fought. He managed to get it trapped back in the drawer, then he shot it through the metal.

“Right. This phone is evidence, so we’ll bag it and take it with us.”

Ms Potato got out a neat kitbag and handed it to me.

“That’s an evidence kit. Get on it. You have to put the blue latex gloves on first.”

She unloaded her shotgun carefully and put the shells in her pocket.

I put the bits of the phone into the heavy duty plastic bag from the kit.

Ms Potato showed me how to seal the bag and label it.

“That’s detective lesson number five. Okay, what else can we do that’s any use.”

We looked at the drawer to see if we could find any bullets. There was a ragged hole in the back wall of the cabinet.

“Right. Half an hour’s nearly up, Janjan. There’s one last thing. Detective lesson number 6.”

She went to Yancy’s desk and took out a pint bottle of whiskey and two glasses.

“Do you drink?”

“On an afternoon like this? You bet!”

“This is rye whiskey. This is what hard-boiled detectives drink.”

She poured two fingers into a glass and pushed it over to me. She poured another glass for herself.

“You done okay today, Janjan. Here’s to you.”

We clinked glasses and I took a good big sip. I felt the liquor burn down my throat and into my stomach. My brain began to operate on different wavelengths.


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.6


As the day wore on Yancy’s metabolism excreted the coma drug from his body. His consciousness began to rally, and his EEG readings gradually strengthened.

Mayoy observed carefully. The various medical assists had to be removed at the right time. The ventilator intubation was particularly distressing for a semi-conscious patient, though for now it was still essential to support Yancy’s breathing.

All proceeded well. By late afternoon the ventilator had been withdrawn, the patient was breathing naturally, and his brain waves looked stronger and stronger.

Mayoy started a light dose of Diazepam and Ibuprofen, indicated for pain relief in cases of serious head injuries.

“Call me as soon as he moves.”

She went for coffee and cake. She was just finishing when her beeper went off.

Mayoy rushed to the ITU ward as fast as safety and decorum allowed.

“Doctor, his hand moved.”

She went in and stood next to the bed. Yancy looked like hell. His face was heavily bruised. He still had an IV drip for hydration, a cannula for blood sampling, and a catheter for urine. His right hand was in a non-functional cast.

Yancy’s eyes opened, the right one only a bit because of bruising and swelling. The left was its normal hazel-green but the right was clouded with blood. His gaze wobbled around and fixed on her face. He smiled weakly.

“Hey. Dolls.”

His voice was a croaky whisper.

“Mayoy and twin. Nice view.”

“Hello Yancy. I don’t have a twin sister. You’re seeing double.”

“What? Why?”

“As far as we know, you got into a fight. You were hit on the head and fell unconscious. A taxi driver brought you to the hospital. You’ve been under for about 24 hours.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, you’re in good shape, considering. You’re on painkillers which will make you feel a bit woozy. Now, I have to take some observations. Please lie still.”

Mayoy made the necessary checks for signs of concussion, such as pupil dilation, and wrote the findings into his notes. Everything looked good.

“Yancy, do you feel up to seeing anyone?”

“Yeah. Not a lot of talk though.”

Mayoy messaged his support group to inform them that Yancy was conscious but woozy and could be allowed a very short visit.

…

Moon and Janjan were in the agency office, sipping rye.

“Okay, Janjan. You’ve done alright so far. The sidekick job’s yours on the terms outlined earlier, if you want it.”

Janjan thought about it. It seemed pretty exciting though a bit dangerous, perhaps. On the plus side, he could combine it with his part time business, and maybe he would get to meet some of the higher members of the forum, and make business contacts of them.

“You can fit it in around your business, unless we’re on an urgent case.”

“You knew about my business, Ms Potato?”

“Hard-boiled detecting isn’t all gats and take-downs. We do research too.”

“Well. I accept.”

“Welcome on board, sidekick.”

Moon stood and shook his hand. She raised her glass, Janjan clinked his against it, and they toasted their new association for luck.

“Now, there’s some stuff we got to get together for you, and you need to do some research and thinking about it. You need to get a hard-boiled aspect, and become kuudere too.”

Janjan already was getting an idea of what hard-boiled meant. He didn’t know about kuudere, though.

“Is there a reading list?”

“Surprisingly enough, yes. A viewing list too.”

She opened a filing cabinet and showed him the books and discs inside. Moon picked out Red Harvest by Dashiell Hammett, The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler, and The Maltese Falcon, starring Humphrey Bogart, and handed them to him.

“These will start getting you hard-boiled. You’ll need some new clothes too. That blazer getup is pretty good, actually, but you need a tie. And swap the loafers for lace-up shoes.”

“Why, Ms Potato?”

“Because it’s bad to kick someone with loafers, they tend to fly off your foot.”

“You’re wearing strappy sandals, Ms Potato. Aren’t they hard to kick members with?”

“I don’t kick. I stamp their feet with my kitten heels. It works great when some punk grabs me from behind.”

“I see. So it’s for self defence.”

“Yep… Mostly. Sometimes you may need to… persuade someone… if they’re a bit slow to cough up for you.”

“Ah. I see.”

He didn’t really, but he figured the books and film would give him more of an idea.

“Oh yeah, and you have to get a trench coat and a snap brim hat. They’re essential. We’ve got to find you a rod, too. There may be one in one of the drawers.”

Janjan thought of the kind of gun he wanted. When an aspect started to come together, the items needed to support it would often present themselves. He thought something small and easily concealable, but with a good powerful round, would be ideal.

Just then Moon’s phone beeped. It was the special ringtone, and she grabbed the phone immediately to check the message.

“Yancy’s woken up! I’ve got to get to the hospital right away. Grab that duffel bag and put the dead phone in it for me.”

Moon hustled Janjan out of the office as quick as she could. He took the book and film, and carried the duffel bag too. She checked all the cabinets and drawers were locked and hid her shotgun somewhere he couldn’t see under her desk.

They went down to channel level and hailed a taxicab.

“Want a ride up Server, Janjan? Sorry but you can’t come and see Yancy yet. He’s still very poorly. But I can drop you off at the junction of Pink and Blue Homes on the way.

“Thanks, Ms Potato but if you drop me at Dream Disco and Social Media I’ll go to a department store and buy the extra clothes you recommended.

Having made the decision to become a hard-boiled kuudere sidekick, Janjan was keen to get the full aspect required.

“Oh yeah, I owe you 40 clams. Do you want it in coins or treats?”

Coins were the physical manifestation of money. Treats were the digital equivalent, which a lot of members preferred because they weighed nothing.

“Treats, please, Ms Potato.”

She pinged the clams from the agency account to Janjan’s account with her phone, dropped him off near the department store, and headed on up to the hospital. By the time she got there, Nymphi and Onecornchippy had already arrived in a cab together, and were waiting for her.

As before, the girls were conducted to the ITU, where Mayoy first briefed them on Yancy’s current condition and the treatment she proposed over the next few days.

“He’s conscious, he’s not particularly alert because of the tranquilizers, but that’s a good thing in his condition. He has to avoid excitement for a few days. I’m going to keep him in ITU overnight again. Tomorrow I’ll move him to a private room with a view.

“That sounds swanky.”

“It’s for medical purposes, Princess. He will need to exercise his eyes looking at near and far objects. The eye team will design a rehabilitation programme for him. Double vision often resolves quickly with the right exercises.

“What if it doesn’t, Doctor?”

“Well, Nymphi, eventually it might be necessary to do a minor operation. But that's a long way off, so let’s not worry about it now.

"He won’t be allowed to read or play videogames, so to keep him from being bored, someone needs to sit and read to him a bit. Some of that can be done by staff and the friends of the hospital, but it would be really good if you girls could come in. One at a time, I mean, during normal visiting hours."

They all were happy to perform this simple yet kindly service. They decided to see Yancy now, then go for a drink to toast his recovery and work out a schedule for visiting.

“Thank you. I’ll take you in now. It will be a very short visit, just so he can see you’re here for him. He may be a bit confused. Try not to talk too much. And don’t be alarmed by his appearance. The trauma is much less serious than it looks. I’m only worried about neurological complications. The surface bruising and so on will begin to resolve quite quickly.”

Mayoy accompanied them into the ITU. They stood around Yancy’s bed and tried not to look worried or sad when they saw his bruises. Mayoy woke him gently.

“Yancy, you’ve got visitors.”

He opened his eyes.

“Hey girls. Not my best look.”

The Princess reached out and squeezed his left hand. His right was bandaged. He squeezed back and smiled.

"Found a good palace, Princess?"

Suddenly Chippy turned and walked quickly from the ward. They saw her go into in the nurses' station, and start weeping deeply into a handkerchief.

Yancy looked at Moon and smiled.

"Hang in there, Yancy. You'll be out of here in no time."

"Wish I really had two Moons."

Then it was Nymphi's turn. She took his left hand in hers and caressed it with her thumb.

“Nymphi. Legs.”

She raised her right hand towards his head. Then she stopped and looked at Doctor Mayoy.

“Can I pat his head?”

“Very lightly.”

Nymphi gave a feather-light pat to Yancy’s head several times, very slowly. He sighed and relaxed.

“I should get beat up more.”

Then he dozed off.

“It’s the effects of the drugs. Over the next few days we’ll reduce the dose and he’ll become more alert. Anyway, I consider that a very good visit. He recognised all of you, which is excellent. We had better see about the Princess.”

Doctor Mayoy believed in treating her patients from a holistic perspective, so she wanted to make sure Onecornchippy was alright. Her mental state was very important in the dynamic of the Husbando-Waifu relationship with Yancy. It could affect his recovery if something went wrong. So she took the girls down to the canteen and bought them coffee.

“I’m sorry you were upset, Princess. I know he looks bad but most of it is superficial bruising. What’s important is his mental functioning, and that is good. Just to make sure you understand, Princess, this was a very good visit for Yancy. He recognised all of you, which is great news.”

Chippy had dried her eyes and blown her nose. She sipped at the coffee and added sugar.

“It’s just, I don’t know, Yancy has always been there for me, and he’s been strong, like a pillar I could always lean against. Even when he did something stupid he did it for the right reasons, and somehow it all worked out OK and he was just there. And now he’s weak and helpless and… I can’t help him. I know that doesn’t make sense.”


“It makes perfect sense. It’s a common reaction, actually. How are you feeling now?”

“Like I want to be there for him now.”

“You can be there for him. He needs friendly faces and voices around him.”

“Chippy, let’s go for a drink for luck for his recovery. We’ll plan out the support schedule, and you can have some of my share of the time with him, if you like.”

“Thanks, Moon. If nothing else I can sit and read him the stories he likes and stop him getting bored.”

The Princess had recovered her composure. She thanked Mayoy graciously for her devoted professional attention.

The three girls took a cab down to the corner of Dream Disco and Social Media. Nymphi’s place of employment was near there, and a British style pub called ‘Little Brown Jug’, where Moon and Yancy had gone drinking in happier times.

Knowing the score, Moon bought the first round, port and lemon for the others, a pint of bitter and a packet of porky scratchings for herself.

Nymphi and Chippy sipped cautiously at their drinks, and found them surprisingly palatable. Moon swigged her bitter and tore into the porky scratchings like a boss. She had obviously done this before.

“May I try a scratching, Moon?”

“Sure, help yourselves. They go great with bitter beer. I dunno about port and lemon.”

After the others had choked down a scratching, Nymphi proposed the toast:

“To Yancy’s quick and full recovery.”

They drank, thought of that beaten body, and imagined him hale and hearty again.

Over this round and one more they worked out a rota for visiting for the next three days. Then, as it was not a night for carousing, they went their separate ways. The Princess to her hotel, the others to their own 1LDK apartments.

“Damn it!” thought Moon when she got home. “I never went shopping.”

The fridge was empty, so she ordered a delivery pizza.

“Still and all, some good things happened today.

“Yancy woke up. I got myself a sidekick who’s pretty handy. We bagged the weird phone. Next thing is to get Janjan trained up as hard-boiled and kuudere.”


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.7


Another night passed, peacefully or not, depending on the individual member’s level of medication and/or emotional state.

Moon woke early. She was raring to go. She opened her notebook and made a list of tasks for the day:

1. Make a list.
2. Make an appointment with Janjan for this afternoon.
3. Grocery shopping. Take Yancy’s trench coat to dry cleaners.
4. Hospital at 11, read to Yancy. (Ask Mayoy about gat.)
5. Lunch with Janjan at 1.
6. Train Janjan in hard-boiled detecting.
7. Examine the dead phone.
8. ?
9. Cocktails.

She crossed off item 1 with a sigh of satisfaction, and had a shower.

Moon ate cold pizza for her breakfast, which was pretty hard-boiled, and dressed up in the new, more feminine trouser suit she had bought when out shopping with Onecornchippy.

Next Moon rang Janjan.

“Janjan, you busy this afternoon?”

“No, Ms Potato. Has something come up?”

“Nothing new since last night, but if you’re going to be an effective hard-boiled Kuudere Sidekick, I need to make sure you’ve got the aspect and the core skills.

"I want to meet at 1 at the corner diner, the place we had lunch yesterday. We’ll have lunch, my treat, then go to the office and look at some stuff. Okay?

“Sure thing, Ms Potato. Oh, I got a hat and coat last night.”

“Good. Make sure always to call it a trench coat. Nothing else counts as hard-boiled.”

“Yes sir!”

Janjan had watched The Maltese Falcon the previous evening, and also started reading Red Harvest. He was feeling his way into the hard-boiled aspect.

Moon put on her best Burberry ladies’ short trench coat, adjusted a black beret to a natty angle, slung her bag over her shoulder, and went out for groceries. She took Yancy’s coat and dropped it off at the dry cleaners on the way.

…

Yancy had spent a quiet night in ITU, still under a significant degree of sedation. He had some wild dreams but never remembered them later.

In the morning Doctor Mayoy judged he could safely be moved to a private room. She had his IV and catheter removed, which was always a relief to a conscious patient.

She left the cannula in place. It showed no signs of irritation yet, and could be used with a drug pump to deliver a smooth dose of mild sedation. She reduced the dosage slightly, to allow Yancy a clearer head..

All this news was pinged to his support group. Yancy was given a bed bath, and the porters transferred him to the new room.

Solid food had not passed Yancy’s lips for over 48 hours. His stomach howled and groaned to be filled.

“When do I get fed, Doc?”

“You can have a light breakfast now. Don’t gobble it.”

Porridge, soft fruit, toast and poached eggs were brought. A boi nurse helped feed him, because his right hand was in a non-functional cast.

Once Yancy was established in his new room, Mayoy allowed the Princess in to sit with him.

“Hey, Yancy. How are you feeling, dear Waifu?”

“Hi Princess, I’m still kinda woozy. They haven't let me get up yet. Getting better fast, though. Hey! You’re looking good.”

She had dressed up nicely, thinking the invalid would appreciate seeing his Husbando make an effort for him.

“Oh, this old thing. Just something I threw on. Right, what do you want to do? I’ve brought a stack of books.”

“What you got?”

There were several pulp fiction novels, some SF, and the light novel version of Your Name, a Japanese high school romance. Yancy the Frog Prince had read the manga a couple of months ago.

“Well, I could like hearing Your Name, but first let’s chew the fat while I got the energy. I wanna know how the search for a new palace is going.”

Onecornchippy told him about the two places she had viewed with Moon. She had a line on a British Georgian style townhouse as well, but had not yet viewed it.

“What do you think, Yancy?”

“Your palace, Chippy, your circus.”

“You’re my monkey, Yancy. You’ve got to live there too, as my Frog Prince. I want your opinion.”

“Going off what you told me, I would pick the 4LDK.”

Yancy’s baseline lived in a 2LDK in Tokyo and liked the modern Japanese domestic arrangements.

“Don’t you mind about the balcony?”

His irrational fear of heights had always prevented Yancy from making proper use of the balcony at the former Palace.

“No, I can see the view from inside. I just won’t go out the doors.”

“Okay. I was thinking the same way, actually. The New York style flat was quite luxurious, but it felt a bit fussy. I like clean, open plan living.”

They decided to take the 4LDK. Chippy messaged the estate agent, who was ecstatic at the news. She cancelled her appointment to view the Georgian house. Then she began to read Your Name out loud.

As the story unfolded Yancy’s hard-boiled aspect faded, and was replaced by the Frog Prince. This was natural. While it was very hard-boiled to get beaten up, lying around in hospital wasn’t, unless you flirted with the nurses. Yancy had not yet nearly healed enough to try it on. Also, listening to his Princess’s voice brought back strong princely associations.

Chippy noticed the change and approved. The Frog Prince was more patient than the American detective, who craved action and excitement. The English boi would do better at the dull work of rehabilitation and convalescence.

Shortly before 11 the eye team arrived to consult with Yancy, and devise a rehabilitation programme for him. The Princess thanked them for their care, made her farewells to Yancy, and headed out to the channels.

She felt a lot happier than she had for several days. She crossed paths with Moon, who also seemed cheerful. They compared notes over a coffee.

When Moon reached Yancy’s room he was still with the eye team, so she went to find Mayoy.

The doctor was on a break, but was happy to see Moon.

“Doctor, it’s just a quick thing. You said Yancy had a gat when he came in.”

“Gat?”

“I mean a pistol. It would have been a big, blue steel Colt semi-auto in a shoulder holster.”

“Yes, I’ve got it locked in my office.”

“Would it be alright if I take a look?”

“Certainly. I feel I should be present, though.”

Mayoy still had the idea of some kind of enquiry in the back of her mind. The Server didn’t have a police force as such, though. Any investigations required were usually carried out by one or more of the Mods, who hadn’t shown any interest in the Yancy case, or by the Kuudere Detectives themselves.

Moon put on blue forensic gloves before handling the gun. She checked it was safe and unloaded all the cartridges from the magazine. There were five, all silver magic bullets. This tallied with the calculation she had made at the agency office.

Seven of these special rounds were missing from the ammunition locker, and there were two bullet holes in the dining cabinet. She was willing to bet that if she disassembled the telephone base unit, there would be a spent magic round embedded in the mechanism. She decided to do this later, with Janjan.

“May I take one of these bullets? It’s for my investigation.”

“Yes. Would you sign a receipt for it?”

“Thank you very much, Doctor.”

“Is there anything you want to tell me, Moon?”

“I’m pretty sure I know what happened to Yancy, but I want to do another piece of detecting before I am 100% convinced. I don’t want to say anything premature.”

Mayoy took Moon up to drop in on Yancy. The eye team had gone, leaving a set of instructions for exercises, which of course he couldn’t read properly. The eye team had explained it to him but it had been hard to understand with his woozy brain.

Moon read them to him and helped him with the first set. Then she read Your Name to him for an hour. Yancy found it very soothing. He fell asleep. She decided to let him sleep, and headed down to The Deep for her lunch with Janjan.

She found Janjan sitting in the window the same as yesterday. He looked more hard-boiled now. He had added a tie, black lace-up leather shoes, and a proper trench coat and snap brim hat to his outfit.

The diner was busy but the waitboi remembered her as a good tipper and put them a good booth.

Moon felt deprived of good food. She had had the blue-plate special yesterday, pizza for dinner, and cold pizza for breakfast. She felt like pushing the boat out, so she ordered expansively and encouraged Janjan to do the same.

“It’s my treat. Eat as much as you like.”

Moon found she enjoyed having a junior to boss around, instruct, and give treats to. She bossed Yancy around when he needed it, but in the end he could be pushed too far and would get back at her somehow.

Janjan made sure to order no more than his new boss. She noted this as a mark in his favour.

"To fill you in, Janjan, Yancy's off life support and doing well. But it's obviously going to be weeks before he can get back to full time detecting. Effectively he’s got a broken hand. You and I have to hold the fort in the meanwhile."

"I see. What do you need me to do?"

"You need to get your hard-boiled aspect locked. You've made a good start on that."

"Thank you."

"Credit where it is due. The other thing is to become kuudere."

"Yes, I'm still puzzled by that. Have you got any tips?

"Well, first thing is it's a Japanese word but it derives from English. It's from 'cool'. Japanese can't pronounce that properly, but they understand what it means."

"Uhuh."

"So, Kuudere Detectives are cool, tight lipped. We've got loyalties, to friends, family, and most of all to Justice. We don't wear those badges on our sleeves, though."

"I get a bit of the idea."

"There's a lot of overlap with being hard-boiled, actually. You’ll never see a hard-boiled detective who’s just out for themself only, and they don’t go around shooting their mouth off either.”

“I hope there’s something in it for us!”

“Yeah, of course. But we’ll never sell a client, or the truth, or justice down the river just for some clams.”

Janjan thought this was a pretty good philosophy.



TO BE CONTINUED…


© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.8


We both had had enough to eat. Ms. Potato paid the bill, with a double tip, and we got up to leave. As we went out I put my new snap brim hat on, straight and level, real neat.

Ms. Potato looked at me, stopped. She stepped in close to me. I could smell her perfume. She put up her hands and adjusted the hat so it was angled slightly down and to the right.

“Now that’s hard-boiled. That’s kuudere.”

I looked in the diner window to see my reflection. I looked real sharp! I flicked the brim of my hat with a finger, and put an unlit match in the corner of my mouth.

“Thanks for my lunch, Ms Potato. You’re a swell dame.”

“How do you feel, Janjan?”

“Copacetic.”

“You’ve got it. You’re hard-boiled.”

We went straight to the agency office.

“Right, Janjan. If you’ve really got the hard-boiled aspect, we’ll see if we can find a gat for you. That’ll clinch it.”

Ms Potato unlocked the desk with a phone on it and rummaged through the drawers.

“Yes. Here’s something. Yancy used to have a Colt revolver in 38 Special calibre. He lost it somewhere. This heater uses the same type of cartridges.”

She brought out a neat clip-on hip holster with a rod in it. There was also a speedloader. She pushed them over to me.

Snugged into the holster was a dinky little, dull blue Colt Detective Special with two inch barrel and a round grip. Small, but powerful at short range.

I took the gat out and checked if it was loaded. It was empty.

“Good boi. We all carry in this agency, because it’s part of the aspect. But we don’t wanna go around shooting people, and we hardly ever do. Always make sure your rod is safe.”

Ms Potato found a box of cartridges in another drawer and gave them to me.

“Okay Janjan, when you got time you better take that piece down to the range and get used to it. It looks like it’ll kick some. For now, we’ve got a little job to do.”

She put a holdall on the desk.

“That’s got the dead phone in. Start to take it apart. You’re looking for a bullet. If it’s in there it will be misshaped because it’s been through some metal. Here’s tools.”

It was simple to take the phone apart. It was just screwed or bolted. A modern phone is four or four plastic components, snapped or glued together. This antique had serious machinery inside, a steel chassis and big lumps of gears, motors and wires.

While I was doing this Ms Potato did something with the broken receiver. I realised she was dusting it for fingerprints. She got two sets and compared them with some record cards.

I got the various parts neatly arranged on the desktop. Some of them were damaged. Buried in the dial mechanism was a piece of metal which didn’t look like it belonged in the phone.

“Here, Ms Potato. I think this must be the bullet.”

I put it on the desktop. Ms Potato put something next to it.

“Good work, Janjan. Okay, take a look at this one..”

I picked it up and examined it.

“I don’t know a lot about guns and so on, Ms Potato.”

“Me neither. Just stuff I’ve picked up in this job. Yancy though, he’s something else. There’s almost nothing he doesn’t know about weapons. It comes from something in his past.”

I said nothing.

“It’s something he’s ashamed of. An ancient aspect. He won’t name it.”

I thought it was better not to ask anything.

“I’m off topic. Just look at the round and tell me what you see.”

I examined it closely.

“It’s a bullet. It’s big. The cartridge bit is the normal brass colour. The base has got a marking on it, 45 AUTO SKYEN.

“That means it’s a 0.45 Automatic Colt Pistol round made special for Skyen. The Mod, I mean. I bet they were expensive! Take a good look at the bullet part.”

“It’s not lead or steel… It looks like… silver? It’s not tarnished, though. There’s a strange mark engraved into the metal,”

“Correct. That bullet is silver bullion. The mark is a sigil. It’s a magic sign which works against daemon energy. This bullet was made for fighting daemon possessed things.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I saw it myself. We had a case with Skyen the Mod. We helped her fight a daemon wolf. She gave us these special bullets. We used up most of them but Yancy had a few left over, so he kept them.

“Skyen wasn’t in a state to ask for them back. She had got bitten by the daemon and asked Yancy to finish her off. Well, she was Holo when it happened. You know that Skyen isn’t just a Wolf Girl, she holds the avatar of Holo the Wise-wolf?”

“I knew. But I didn’t know Skyen/Holo was ever in that much danger. She’s fine now?”

“Yancy and I helped cure her of the daemon poison. We wouldn’t let her die. When we got back he locked away the unused ammo. He said you never know when some silver bullets might come in handy.”

“In the big case back there?”

I pointed at the heavy steel cabinet bolted to the outside wall.

“Yep. You’re getting your situational awareness, boi. Good. But listen. I deliberately haven’t showed you how to get into that cabinet. Don’t try and find out by yourself.”

“No sir, I sure won’t!”

“There’s.... Stuff… in there which is liable to cause… Trouble. Yancy never goes in it unless it’s a real serious case. I only went in it myself for the silver bullets. You go in there when Bad Things are going to happen.”

“Ow! Doesn’t that mean that Bad Things are going to happen now?”

“Look, it’s not like we make Bad Things happen by going in the cabinet. We go in the cabinet because Bad Things are already happening. I reckon we’re in a situation already. Yancy must of thought we were already in a situation. He went in the cabinet and he wouldn’t do that without cause. We’ve gotta figure out what’s going on is before things get worse.”

We both spent a minute thinking about this.

“There were some magic shotgun shells left too. You saw them yesterday. That’s what I loaded up to use against the telephone.”

“I’m kinda glad nothing happened.”

“Yeah. Anyway, to get back to the key point, the bullet you’re looking at came out of Yancy’s gat. I checked it myself at the hospital this morning. There were five rounds in it, and the magazine holds seven, and there are two bullet holes in the front of the filing cabinet. You can do the arithmetic yourself.”

“Yes. It’s obvious”

“Right. Yesterday when we finished playing around with the filing cabinet, what didn’t we do?”

“We didn’t sweep the floor?”

“Exactly. Let’s do it now.”

We soon found two empty cartridge casings which matched the whole round Ms Potato had taken from Yancy’s gun.

When we looked at the misshapen object I had found inside the telephone, it was obviously a silver bullet with a magic sigil. It was somewhat distorted from having punched through the cabinet and into the telephone.

“Let’s review all the facts, Janjan. Yancy came here. He took seven magic bullets from his secret stash and shot two of them into this filing cabinet. One of them hit the phone he had put in the cabinet the night before. That’s clear, isn’t it?”

“It makes sense to me.”

“Then he got into a fight. He was beaten up and left his hat here when he went out to go to hospital.”

“Maybe he got in the fight first?”

“Why would he get beat up so bad he was going to fall into a coma, then come up to the office and shoot a filing cabinet? Anyway, who shoots a phone inside a filing cabinet with a special bullet made for quelling daemons?”

“Either a lunatic, or… he was fighting a daemon phone? I dunno. It doesn’t seem to make sense. How could the phone beat him up if it was inside the cabinet?”

“There’s something else. I found Yancy’s prints on the handset.”

“Surely that’s normal?”

“No, look, when you pick up the handset you hold it in the middle, the handle bit. But Yancy’s prints are on the microphone end, where the cord comes out. That’s not from making a call. That’s from holding the receiver and swinging to smash it. You can tell from the placement of the prints.”

“I think you’re speculating a bit far, if I’m honest, Ms Potato. But it could be that way, and Mr Yancy smashed the handset.”

“Well. It’s just an idea. Anyway, I confirmed the only prints on the phone were mine, Yancy’s and an unknown third set.”

“Could that be the attacker?”

“No, it’s going to be the Princess Onecornchippy’s. She listened to the call too. I mean I don’t have her dabs on file, never had a reason to take them, but I’m sure of it.”

"Ms Potato, if there was another person, either they would have wiped the prints or left a fourth set."

“Exactly. So let’s assume Yancy isn’t a lunatic. Let’s assume the phone did beat him up because somehow it got out of the cabinet. He managed to get it back in and he shot it dead. If this is true, the question is, how does a telephone get possessed by a daemon?”

“Ms Potato, I’m just a n00b. How can we tell the phone was possessed? What if it wasn’t?”

“Why would Yancy have shot it with a magic bullet otherwise? We’re going in circles now. I’m out of my depth here. We got to take this to the Mods. Let’s pack up all the evidence and get to the Mod Channel.”

We put everything into the holdall, locked up the office, and caught a trolleybus up Server.

Ms Potato didn’t say anything while we were on the bus. When we got off at the end stop, she turned to me.

“Well, Janjan. We’re going in to see the Mods. You cool with that?”

“I won’t speak unless I’m spoken to, Ms Potato.”

“Good boi. Let me do the talking. I’ve dealt with them before.”


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.9


We went in. There was a bot at reception. Ms Potato asked for the Duty Mod. This was Ms Skyen, it seemed.

After a short wait another bot appeared and we were taken through to a meeting room. It was more like a comfortable office conference room than a police interview room. Not that I’ve ever been in one of those, but I watch TV. I looked for a mirror. None. The bot offered us tea and coffee. We both had coffee, black, the hard-boiled way.

Ms Skyen came in. She was a mid-height pale skinned girl wearing a simple green one-piece dress whose skirt fell just below the knees. She had that air of authority which all Mods have. I had noticed it in Tsuchimursu. I thought her pretty, and young, early to mid 20s maybe.

Ms Skyen’s unique feature was the white tipped wolf ears which which emerged from her dark brown, shoulder length hair. I guessed she must have a tail too, underneath her skirt.

“Ms Potato. Good to see you again.”

She clasped Ms Potato’s hand. Then she turned to me.

“And who is this?”

“Skyen, this is my Kuudere Sidekick, Janjan.”

“Please to meet you, Mr Janjan.”

She held out her right hand for a shake. When I took it, she held it, and kind of pulled and got close to me. She leant her head to my neck. I thought for a second she was going to bite me, but what she actually did was to take a deep sniff of my body scent.

Skyen sneezed! I jumped a bit, from the surprise, and I thought it was a bit gross. She let me go and stood back.

“That’s a good aftershave you’re wearing, Mr Janjan.”


“Tuscany by Aramis.”

“That’s been out of production for years.”

“There’s a new formulation, actually, but this is from a sample bottle of the original. I have a small business dealing in classic perfumery.”

“Interesting. Well, I can tell you’re hard-boiled. You hide your nervousness well.”

This didn’t need a response, so I kept it zipped. I saw Ms Potato eye me and nod once in approval behind Ms Skyen’s shoulder. Then she cleared her throat.

“Ahem. Skyen, we’ve got a situation. I reckon it needs some Moderation.”

“Let’s sit down and you can tell me about it.”

We got sat around the conference table. Ms Potato nodded at me to get the evidence out of the holdall.

I lined it up; the phone base unit, its internals, the smashed receiver, the spent bullet, the empty casings, and the fingerprint cards. Ms Potato added her silver 45 ACP round.

Ms Potato went through the whole story in order, from the first night when she, Mr Yancy and the Princess Onecornchippy had heard the voice on the unplugged phone, to our work today. She explained how the pieces of evidence led to her deduction.

“So. I reckon a daemon possessed the telephone. It jumped Yancy, and he fought it. The phone gave him a beating, but he managed to get it back into the filing cabinet, where he shot and killed it, using one of your magic bullets.”

“Yes. I think you are right. Would you be surprised to hear that this is not the only incident involving a possessed inanimate object in the last few days?”

“What? Oh no! We can’t deal with this magic stuff. Skyen. We’re out of our depth.”

“Mistress Kou has called in an expert. They will be here tomorrow. Kou would like you to come to a meeting at 9.”

“Sure thing! Yancy can’t come, though. He’s gonna be in hospital for the rest of the week, probably.”

“Bring your young sidekick. He smells useful.”

That seemed a strange thing to say, but I guess Ms Skyen had wolf powers of the nose, and used them to judge character. So maybe it was a compliment.

“Okay, Skyen, do you want to hold on to this evidence?

“That may be the safest thing. I would burn the remains of a possessed creature, but this phone was not a living thing. I think our expert should be given the chance to examine it.”

I repacked the bag and handed it over. Ms Skyen showed us out to Reception, and we left the Mod Channel.

“Okay. Good work today, Janjan. You wanna knock off now? I think we’ve done all we can. I need to catch up with Yancy’s progress.”

“Sure thing, Ms Potato. I’ll carry on studying the books you lent me.”

“Good boi. Okay, for tomorrow, let’s get a coffee together at 8:15, so we can talk over what happened today and get our ducks in a row for the meeting.”

“Okay, boss. Where?”

“Meet me at the corner of Blue Home and Meme Central. There’s a place right near there.”

We split for our separate cribs.

...

Moon looked at her To Do list. The last item, cocktails, had not been completed. She decided to invite Nymphi for a drink.

Nymphi was a bit surprised to be asked, but she accepted happily enough. Nymphi looked so young she usually got carded and it was a real drag. This time Moon’s hard-boiled eye on the bartender quelled any such nonsense. She ordered a double French 75, and Nymphi had a Green Hornet.

“It’s those legs of yours, Nymphi. They’re so long they go right up to your armpits. It makes you look like a young colt.”

Nymphi was wearing rather short shorts, a T shirt, and a denim jacket. It did make her look very leggy and young.

“I dressed up like this for Yancy. He’s always liked my legs. I thought it might pep him up a bit.”

“Did it work?”

“Not much. He’s still subdued from the drugs. But as he is now the Frog Prince, maybe he’s just more subtle than hard-boiled Yancy.”

Moon understood. Yancy the detective had a roving eye and didn’t worry about it too much. The Frog Prince was English and more circumspect, though certainly he was someone who appreciated the beauty of the female form.

“Actually I prefer the Frog Prince aspect. I like his English accent.”

“What did you do with him?”

“I helped him with the eye exercises, and we talked for a bit, then I read him Your Name until he fell asleep again.”


“I’m sure he enjoyed it a lot. It’s just the drugs making him sleepy.”

“Yeah. When do you think he will get out?”

“I’m not a medic but I reckon he might be let go by the end of this week. He’ll still have a lot of healing to do, though.”

“How are you getting along without him, Moon? It must be hard, detecting by yourself.”

“I’ve taken on a n00b boi as a sidekick. His name’s Janjan. He’s shaping up pretty well so far.”

“That’s good.”

They emptied their glasses.

“Another one, Moon?”

“Thanks! I’ll just have a single, though. I’ve got to go home and cook, and I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow.”

“Is it about Yancy?”

“In a way. I’ve been trying to figure out how he got beat up. I think I’m on to it and it’s something that’s going to be difficult to handle. I went to the Mods for help.”

“Well, they don’t bite, not even Mistress Kou.”

“Yeah, so tomorrow they’re going to introduce me to someone who can help. I don’t know who it is yet.”

“Okay. Well, this is the last one for me too. Thanks for asking me, Moon. I appreciate it.”

“We’ll do it again, eh?”

They walked together to Blue Home and went to their 1LDKs.

…

Doctor Mayoy wanted Yancy to start getting mobile. His concussion was apparently healed though a couple more days observation would not hurt.

Lying around in bed was bad for morale. It made the patient feel helpless. In the long run it was bad for healing both physically and mentally.

She decided to reduce the diazepam dosage and added some paracetamol, which synergised with the ibuprofen. This regime would be safe enough for a few days, especially since Yancy’s liver was getting a good enforced rest from alcohol consumption.

“No more bed baths for you, Yancy. Let’s see if you can manage to take an assisted bath or shower.”

“Yes, Doctor. How is that done with a cast on?”

“It’s less high-tech than you might imagine. We just put a plastic bag over your hand.”


“Oh. That makes sense.”

“Do you prefer a male or female nurse to assist you?”

“I don’t mind. I expect I shall feel equally embarrassed either way.”

“Okay. We’ll leave it to luck, then. Well, goodnight, Yancy. I’ll see you at morning rounds.”

“Doctor?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

Mayoy found Yancy’s British reserve and politesse rather endearing. It was part of what originally had attracted her to the Yancie aspect. But Yancie had proved sadly intellectually inadequate. This Yancy was much brighter. Could there be a chance…

No!

Doctor-patient relationships must be conducted according to strict ethical principles. Mayoy filed those errant thoughts at the back of her mind.

…

The next morning Moon got up slightly early to prepare well for the coming meeting with the Mods.

She did her best understated make-up. dressed in her boi-ish detective suit with the long trench coat, and messaged Janjan to make sure he would be at the meet on time.

They met as planned at the corner of Blue Home and Meme Central, on the dot of 8:15. Janjan was dressed much the same as the day before; he had a new shirt and tie. His snap-brim hat was set jaunty and stylish, like she had showed him.

“Looking good, Janjan! Got your gat?”

He flipped the hem of his trench coat and blazer aside to show the clip-on holster, pushed round to the back of his right hip. The speed-loader clipped on next to it. This made a bit of a bulge in his blazer, but it wasn’t noticeable with his trench coat on top.

“Good boi! Right, let’s get revved up.”

Moon led the way to a cafe which opened early and did a great steak sandwich and coffee.

“Boss, what’s going to happen at this meeting?”

“There’ll be you, me and Mistress Kou, and this other person, the magic consultant, maybe an assistant for Kou and an assistant for the magic guy.

“First, introductions -- you make sure to speak up for yourself! -- then Kou will fill everyone in on the overall situation. I’m guessing the magic guy can’t handle it by himself, or why would Kou want us there?”

This sounded logical to Janjan. He had been in enough business meetings to recognise the pattern. He hoped there would not be too much PowerPoint.

At 8:40 the kuudere detective and sidekick made their way to the Mod Channel.

After the formalities, they were conducted into the same meeting room as the previous day. The evidence the detectives had brought the day before was laid out on the table with labels.

Coffee and cookies were served, then Mistress Kou came in, accompanied by Skyen and a smol girl in a pale blue, strappy shoulder dress. She had long, wavy auburn hair, and fairy wings on her back!

“Kuudere Detective Moon Potato, and Kuudere Sidekick Janjan, may I introduce Chuunibyo Detective the Garden Fairy Yura.”


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.10


I tried to take a good look at the Garden Fairy without it being obvious.

She was very smol, barely five feet, maybe under, and genuinely seemed to have fairy wings growing from her back. They looked natural, and moved naturally. They were part of her body. Her dress was cut to allow them to move freely.

She wore simple, dark blue ballet pumps, and did not carry a handbag. A thin dark blue belt cinched her waist; there was a small gold tassel bag slung from it.

Her wings were at rest, furled.

The Garden Fairy had a calm smile. There was a general air about her of peace and... love, I guess. Benevolence is the word, maybe.

Ms Potato stood in respect and offered her hand. She towered over Ms Yura, yet the two seemed to have equal gravitas.

“Ms Potato, I have heard only good things about you, uwu. I am so sorry that Mr Yancy is unwell.”

“Ms Yura, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You’ve heard about what happened to Yancy?”

“I only know that he is in the hospital. I would like to visit later, if I may.”

“Well sure, we can go together.”

“I would like that, uwu. I had a pleasant interaction with Mr Yancy a while ago. I look forward to renewing our acquaintance."

Ms Yura turned to me. Her eyes twinkled, she took my hand in both of hers, and pressed it warmly.

“Mr Janjan, how are you enjoying your new occupation, uwu?”

“Ms Yura, I’m only starting out. I’ve got a lot to learn.”

“I know you will do your best. And you have a good teacher, uwu.”

We sat at the conference table. Kou at the head, then the Garden Fairy, then Ms Skyen. Ms Potato and I sat on the opposite side. There was a huge flatscreen TV at the other end.

“Right, let’s get down to business.”

Mistress Kou formally introduced herself, then we went round the table each giving a brief statement of our name and role.

“I have asked the Kuudere Agency and the Chuunibyo Detective here because both of you have recently had to investigate what appear to be supernatural events, hauntings, we might call them.”

I put up my hand.

“Um, what does ‘Chuunibyo’ mean? Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Janjan, it’s a good question. We need to be very clear about our terms in this odd situation. Skyen, you are the expert.”

“Chuunibyo is a Japanese word which literally means middle school sickness. IRL it refers to young teenagers, particularly girls, who convince themselves they have magic powers although of course it is merely a delusion. Here in The Server magic really does exist, though. You may not have seen it, but Ms Potato certainly has…”

Ms Potato nodded.

“I told you about how Skyen gave me the shotgun shells.”

“Yes, that was when we hunted the White Wolf, which was a kind of daemon. So, magic exists, and consequently ‘Chuunibyo’ can be real and true as well, not a delusion. The Garden Fairy is a Chuunibyo Detective. She specialises in cases involving magic.”

“Why didn’t you get her to help with the White Wolf?”

“I do not relish violence and death, Ms Potato. It does not suit my temperament or my talents.”

“I didn’t exactly enjoy it myself.”

“The sentiment does you great credit. I acknowledge that violence is a tool with valid uses. However, it should not be indulged in lightly. Validity depends upon the case.”

"Being hard-boiled involves a fair share of violence, ya know."

I would have tried to refocus the meeting at this point, but Mistress Kou seemed content to let things play out. Skyen broke in.

“Ms Yura, I assure you… Holo assures me... that the White Wolf needed to be destroyed. It was an unnatural danger to the whole of The Server.

“I value the insight of Holo the Wise-wolf. I am sure my Kuudere colleagues only employ violence in the righteous pursuit of justice.

But, no 'uwu', I noticed.

I felt a bit uncomfortable. I reckoned if we’re going to team up with the Chuunibyo Detective, we ought to get along with her. I probably wasn’t hard-boiled enough yet.

“Yeah. Well, Yancy and I helped Holo fix her Wolf problem. We fixed it righteous good and just. We used enchanted ammo from Skyen. There’s a sample round in the evidence. You might wanna take a look.”

The Garden Fairy picked up the silver 0.45 ACP round and examined it. I thought it glimmered or sparkled in her hand.

“Yes. I am familiar with the sigil. There is powerful magic in it. However the current case does not involve wolves. Why do you want me to look at this bullet?”

“Yancy shot two of these at my office phone.”

“I am sure he must have had a good reason to do such a dangerous thing.”

“Yeah. We didn’t see what, but we reconstructed it using a mixture of girl intuition and boi logic.”

Ms Potato laid out the whole case, starting from the evening when she, the Princess and Yancy had listened to the phone speaking and ringing by itself.

“So. Here’s the physical evidence. A smashed phone, a spent bullet, Yancy in a coma, no unknown dabs on the receiver. What d’ya make of it, Ms Yura?”

The Garden Fairy examined the spent round I had recovered from the dial mechanism.

“This is another bullet of the same type you showed me earlier. However, the spell bound into the sigil has been depleted.

“In my experience, there are two ways this could be done. One is by a kind of exorcism; I will not go into the details. The other is by using the sigil against a daemon.

“My conclusion is that Yancy fought a daemon phone and shot it with this bullet, which dispelled the animating spirit.”

“I never heard of a daemon phone until today. I listened to it, I’ve seen Yancy in hospital, so I gotta believe in it. Are these things common?”

“They are not common but they are more common than most members might think, uwu.”

Mistress Kou broke in.

“Would anyone like more coffee before you explain, Garden Fairy?”

We had a fresh cup. I handed the cookies round. Everybody took one. Ms Yura thanked me kindly, uwu. I thought we were getting along a bit better.

“Yes, I shall give a quick explanation of the spirit phone. It is an example of a type of possessed everyday object called in general ‘Tsukumo-gami’. This is a Japanese term meaning ‘haunted thing’ or ‘spirit artifact’.

“Nearly any everyday object can acquire one of these spirits, which animates it to haunt members. They are not usually violent, though, so much as mischievous, uwu."

“Tell them about the lantern, Ms Yura.”

“Yes, that was one recent case. There has been another since. The lantern was what is called a Bake-chochin.”

She pronounced it barkay chochin

“That is a paper lantern which has become haunted. I was able to exorcise it fairly easily. The second case involved a Kasa-bake. It was more violent, and tried to hit me.

“I used my powers but it evaded me. It made an escape by jumping into the air and flying away. I did not have enough fairy dust left to fly after it."

I held up my hand.

“Sorry, but what is a Kasa-barkay?”

“Oh yes, I am sorry. I am so used to these names that I forget they are a foreign language, uwu. A Kasa means an umbrella. A Bake means nearly any type of spiritual being, such as goblins and haunted objects.

“A Japanese would say O-Bake, to show respect. To the Japanese, such spirit creatures are not evil so much as… different."

"Ms Yura, did you say you can fly?"

"Yes, Janjan. But in the aspect I wear now, it requires a lot of my fairy sparkles, uwu."

Her eyes twinkled at me.

"Gee, I sure would like to see that! Sorry for speaking out of turn."

Ms Yura twinkled at me again. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Cof!"

Ms Potato cleared her throat abruptly.

Mistress Kou took up the TV remote control and switch on the big screen. She hinged up a flap of table in front of her and started typing on a hidden keyboard.

"So. We have three separate hauntings. Here they are ranked by time."

The bake-chochin was the first. The phone was the last.

"Now here they are ranked by increasing violence."

The same order.

"Now here they are mapped by location."

She brought up a MP of The Server. It was pretty random. The phone in The Deep, the umbrella in Social Media, and the lantern in NSFW.

"Can't tell much from just three, Kou."

"Indeed. However do you not yourself feel an increase in nervous tension, Moon?"

I recalled what Ms Potato had told me about Yancy's cabinet, which got opened when Bad Things were going to happen. The cabinet had been opened twice in two or three days.

"Yeah. I had a real bad dream a couple a nights ago. Could it be connected, d'ya think?

"Please would you recount the dream, unless it might distress you to remember it, uwu?"

Ms Potato told her dream, which had involved wandering in a kind of swamp and being surrounded by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It sounded pretty scary.

"That must have been unpleasant. Thank you for telling it to us. I have gained an important clue from it, uwu."

"What's that, Ms Yura?"

"Mistress Kou, the creatures Ms Potato envisioned as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, are in fact 'Kappa'. A Kappa is a type of bake-mono or O-bake. A Japanese water sprite or goblin. They live in lakes, rivers and swamps."

"Well. The connection to the other hauntings is clear, wouldn't you say?"

We all murmured yes, or nodded.

"As a hypothesis, suppose that a group of Kappa have come to live in the waters of the south. Could the increase in spiritual energy within The Server provoke hauntings?"

"Yes, Mistress Kou. It is the season, too. With Halloween approaching, ghosts are on the move, uwu."

Ms Yura seemed rather pleased about this. I supposed it fit well with her professional calling. She seemed to go into a brown study thinking about it.

Mistress Kou blipped the TV and it flashed.

"Oh! I am sorry, I was thinking how much I would like to meet a Tengu. It is a kind of flying goblin, uwu."

"That would be great, I'm sure, but my first concern is the safety of The Server and its members."

"How can we help, Kou? The Kuudere Detectives are ready, at least one of us is, and a great Sidekick."

"There are two things. The first is to respond quickly to any more incidents of Tsukumo-gami. That is purely defensive, though. We must also prepare an expedition to the south, to see if there really are Kappa there."

"An expedition! That's something else, Kou. Of course we'll go. But hard-boiled detectives are basically city bois and girls. It’s gonna need a lot of help and preparation. "

"You're right, Moon. Let's break for elevenses and have another session afterwards."


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.11


Mistress Kou led us to an adjoining room where more tea, coffee and soft drinks were available as well as pastries and biscuits.

I thought I better not eat anything, cause sitting around and eating was gonna make me slow and fat. That’s just not hard-boiled. I ducked out to find the bois' room.

When I was finished I waited outside the girls' room to bump into Ms Potato.

"Hey, Janjan, waiting for me?"

I nodded.

"Clever boi. What do you make of it all?"

"It’s good we confirmed what happened to Mr Yancy.It looks a bit scary, three hauntings already, and maybe a gang of Kappa bois in The Server. I'm glad the Mods are on top of things."

"Yeah, well, they aren't really on top of it or they wouldn't need us and the Garden Fairy. What do you think of her?"

"She's kind, genuine. Her style is very different to ours but I think her heart is in the right place."

"That's what people say about Yancy, to excuse one of his blunders."

"Everybody makes mistakes, Ms Potato. You told me Mr Yancy had done loads of good stuff."

"You're right. I'm being unfair. She rubbed me up wrong a bit is all, with that kind of way she talked about violence.“

“Hm.”

“I never knew she knew Yancy already."

"If we take her to the hospital with us it will come out in the talking, I reckon."

"Yes…"

At this point Ms Skyen stuck her head out to say the conference was about to reconvene, so we had to go.

Mistress Kou re-opened the discussion.

"Let's put hauntings on the side for now and talk about an expedition. The first thing is, the south of The Server is full of watery terrain. Obviously boats are needed. Who do we know who knows about boats?"

"Yancy's an expert at handling small boats on rivers and lakes. His baseline is a member of a boat club. Just don't get him started on rowing and sculling. It's a real bee in his bonnet."

"Thank you, Ms Potato. Perhaps you could ask Mr Yancy's advice when you see him later.

"I will."

“I shall ask Tsuchimursu to join us tomorrow. He lives in the south-east and knows much of the landscape. He also has experience with boats.

“Very well, let’s put the question of boats aside until tomorrow, and talk about Kappa. Would the Garden Fairy please make a presentation about their strengths, weaknesses, possible intentions, and how you think we might best approach or avoid them?

“I want to emphasise that this will be a reconnaissance expedition. Ideally you will only observe the Kappa from a distance, get an idea of numbers and organisation, that kind of thing.”

“I certainly shall, Mistress Kou, however I will need some time to research in my library and consider the question in the round. May I request until tomorrow to do this, uwu?

“Of course. While we don’t want unnecessary delay, there is no point in rushing things. It will take several days to get the boats and the crews organised.

“That is the next question. How big a team should go, and who should be on it?”

“It’s a difficult question, Kou. There needs to be at least one Mod. That should be Tsuchimursu, for all the obvious reasons. Plus, Holo and swamps don’t get on.”

“Quite, Skyen. Point taken.”

“The Garden Fairy and Ms Moon, too, obviously. I presume her Sidekick as well. After that, it depends on various factors. I suggest we wait for the advice of Yancy and Ms Yura, before we take any decisions.”

“Very well. So, let’s think again about the danger of more hauntings. I am concerned that if any occur, we must try to deal with them as quickly as possible. I am also worried that they are becoming more dangerous.

“It certainly takes two people to deal with one haunting, and the method of getting rid of it may vary. Ms Yura’s magic and Skyen’s silver bullets may be needed in combination.”

“I only got 9 magic shotgun shells left after we did the White Wolf and everything.”

“What about the big pistol bullets?”

“That rod’s too big for me. A shotgun’s gonna be better anyway against a lot of haunted artifacts, like a flying umbrella. Fact is a shotgun with 00 Magnum Buckshot will deal with most targets at close range, say up to 50 yards max.”

“I heard that Yancy had another weapon which he used against the White Wolf.”

“Trust me, Kou, you don’t want that thing coming out of the cabinet! I don’t think anyone but Yancy can handle The Gun. And it does something to him.

“Once he gets his hands on it… well, Bad Things really are gonna happen. He can barely control himself. Better nix that idea.”

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have detectives running all over The Server letting off shotguns and spells, for that matter.”

“You make a good point, Skyen, however it will be worse to have haunted artifacts roaming the channels frightening and possibly attacking members.

“There is Yancy in the hospital, and he’s a tough detective. What if a young smol member like Maddy the Spooky Freckle or 12 YEAR OLD JUMP SCARE BOO got caught by something vicious?

“No. We shall prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Skyen, please order more magic shotgun shells.”

“Yes, Mistress. I shall order another two dozen to the same specification as the last batch. 00 Buckshot, 12 pellets, high velocity load.”

“Also, please contact Scarlet and Tsuchimursu and ask them to join us for tomorrow’s conference at 9.

“I shall prepare some bulletins to warn members of the hazard, inform them how to react to an outbreak, and so on. These can go out tonight in a special edition of the Mod News. I will create a message group with all of us in it, so we can exchange information quickly.”

We all checked our smartphones were set up properly for this message group.

“So. My broad concept is that Scarlet, who has spiritual powers, and the Garden Fairy, who has magic powers, should form a team with our two hard-boiled Kuudere members, who have violent powers.

“When a haunting occurs, the members involved hopefully will send the news to the Mods, and we will contact your team by the message group. Until you get used to working with each other it would be best to work as a team of four. Then you might split two and two, to cover two hauntings, or just to be able to rest.

“But I am getting ahead of myself. This has been a very long meeting. Thank you all for your time. Please would you come back here tomorrow at 9 o’clock to resume?”

We got up. Mistress Kou went out one way, and Ms Skyen took us back to reception, where she wished us well.

“Woah! That was quite some meeting. Glad that’s over. Okay, Ms Yura, I was going to take Janjan to visit Yancy. Would you like to come with?”

“Why Ms Potato, that is very gracious of you. I would be delighted to come with you, uwu.”

“Say, Ms Yura, as we’re gonna be partners, why don’t you call me Moon? Yancy does.”

“Thank you, Moon, uwu! Please call me Yura, of course.”

I decided to stick with polite forms until invited to relax. I was pleased to see them talking in friendly terms, though.

We went to the hospital canteen for lunch. It was really good! The management council believed that appetising, nutritious meals were important to support the health of invalids and staff alike.

Ms Yura ate the same food as everyone. I don’t know why, but I expected her to be vegan or something. She wasn’t.

“Okay, according to my support schedule, Nymphi should be with Yancy now. We’ll knock before going in. As far as I know they aren’t lovers, but you never know so we better be careful.”

I didn’t think someone in hospital with a coma only a couple of days ago would be fooling around that way, but Ms Moon had her own ideas and I wasn’t going to contradict her. She knew Mr Yancy well. Maybe he was a horndog.

Anyway, we went up to Mr Yancy’s room, knocked, waited a few seconds, then went in. Ms Nymphi was sitting by the bed helping Mr Yancy to eat his lunch.

She was dressed tomboyish in shorts, low socks, and sneakers. A sweatshirt and hoody on her top half. One long leg was hooked over the other, swinging and twinkling.

Ms Nymphi looked up to see who we were.

“Oh, hello Moon. Yancy’s so much better today. Look, he can sit up and nearly feed himself. It’s thanks to my reverse psychology.”

She gave Moon a hug. Garden Fairy Yura smiled warmly and hugged her.

“What is your reverse psychology, Ms Nymphi, uwu?”

“I heard that nurses know when boi patients are on the mend because they start flirting with them. I thought Yancy would mend quicker if I gave him some incentive.”

Ms Moon whistled.

“That’s why the leg show, hey?”

Mr Yancy was wearing a pirate style eyepatch on his right eye. The other eye smiled at Ms Moon. His right hand was set in a rigid cast, so he couldn’t really do anything with it.

“Hello Moon, thanks so much for coming. And Janjan. Good to see you again.”

“Yeah, Yancy, I brought Janjan because I’ve taken him on as my hard-boiled Kuudere Sidekick. I can’t get everything done by myself without you.”

“Right. Well, I’m sure you’ve made a good choice. Janjan, you listen to what Moon tells you. She keeps me on the strait and narrow.

“I wouldn’t be here now except for her looking out for me… Um... that didn’t really come out the way I meant it, actually, but… er...”

He covered his confusion by changing the subject.

“Who’s my third visitor?”

“Yancy, this is the Garden Fairy Yura.”

Mr Yancy’s face registered surprise, then delight. He held out his arms to the Garden Fairy. She smiled broadly and moved to the bedside. She took his hands and held them, then she leant forward and kissed his left ear very gently. As she withdrew, I thought her lips sparkled blue.

“I am sorry to have taken that liberty, Mr Yancy, but I so wished to feel the magic of Holo in you, uwu.”

“It’s fine, Garden Fairy. I’m just sorry it didn’t work for you when we tried to reboot your portal.”

“What’s this, Yancy?” Ms Moon seemed surprised. Ms Nymphi also was puzzled.

“Oh, this was something that happened several months ago, uwu. My magic portal, which I use to deliver remote hugs around The Server, was stuck in low power mode.

“I was fiddling with it to try and get it to boot up correctly. By accident I made contact with Mr Yancy, uwu. He suggested that if I patted his head through the portal, it might draw some of Holo’s magic and correct the fault. We tried for several minutes, but it did not work.

“In the end, I was able to reboot the portal by another method. However, I have never forgotten Mr Yancy’s generous help, and I have longed ever since that occasion to meet him in person, uwu!”

“So you’ve never actually met before?”

“No. I am very happy to meet now, uwu. I only wish the circumstances of Mr Yancy’s health were better.”

Her head drooped sadly.

“The head patting was fun though, Garden Fairy. It was no trouble at all. I enjoyed it. I like getting head pats. Nymphi is giving me some light head pats to help my recovery along.”

Ms Nymphi demonstrated her subtle advanced technique. Yancy visibly relaxed under her administrations.

“I have to avoid the front right of his head, due to the eye injury. The concussion seems completely better, according to Doctor Mayoy.”

“Mr Yancy, if you would allow it, uwu, I could apply some fairy dust sparkle therapy to your eye.”

“That sounds exciting. What would it involve?”

“It is very gentle, uwu. I shall lift off your eye patch. You will close your eye, and I will very gently apply my fairy dust, uwu. Then I shall put your eye patch back on.”

“Yancy, are you sure this is a good idea? What would Doctor Mayoy say?”

“I suppose we had better not tell her, Moon. Call it professional discretion. Please, Garden Fairy, it would be so kind if you tried your special magic.”

Ms Yura gently lifted away the eye patch. The socket was dramatically bruised blue-black, turning in places green and yellow. Ms Moon winced when she saw it. It looked worse than before.

Mr Yancy opened his eye, and it was clouded with dark blood. He looked dreadful, if I’m honest.

“I’m still seeing double.”

“Now dear Mr Yancy, please close your eye, but not tight, and hold your head still, uwu.”

Ms Yura opened the tassel pouch at her belt, dipped her fingers in and brought out a pinch of sparkling golden dust. She pursed her lips, gently exhaled and blew the sparkles towards Mr Yancy’s eye. I imagined a tinkly sound effect.

It streamed across like a fine trail of pure mana, and stuck all around the bruised socket and on his eyelid. Ms Yura carefully put the eye patch back in place.

“Thank you, Garden Fairy. I am feeling better already.”

“You must keep up the eye exercises too, Husbando, like the doctor said.”

“Don’t worry, Nymphi. I will. Thank you for helping me.” He clasped her hand with his left.

“Anyway! I’ve got a suspicion you didn’t come here mob-handed just to try if all the visitor chairs would fit in my room. What’s up?”

“Okay, Yancy. Let’s all get comfortable and I’ll tell you.

I brought in a couple more chairs. The room was rather crowded, but we managed to get it to fit like a game of Tetris. Once we were all seated, Ms Moon began to explain the situation.


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.12


“Yancy, do you remember when the Princess and I got back from Cowley Court?”

“Yes. I remember meeting you in the diner, and we went to the agency office. After that things get a bit hazy. Doctor Mayoy says it’s fairly common in cases of concussion to have memory loss around the time of the injury.

“I had a concussion on Saturday morning at Cowley, and again on Monday afternoon, she said. The second one was worse. I don’t remember anything between Sunday evening and when I woke up in hospital, really.”

“Okay, I can fill you in. On Sunday evening in the office, my phone started ringing by itself. It spoke to us in Japanese.

“You ripped it out of the wall but it was still ringing and talking, so you wrapped it in Yancie’s messed-up tweed suit and hid it in the filing cabinet. We all went and stayed at a hotel.

“That night I had a nightmare about being chased around a swamp by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I told it to you and Chippy the next day at breakfast. Then she and I went to look at palaces, and you went shopping for some clothes.

“After shopping, you went to the office. By the way, I’ve got all your new clothes safe in my flat, and I took your trench coat to the dry cleaners.”

“Oh, thank you!”

“It’s nothing. Now, somehow the phone got loose and attacked you. It beat you up, but you trapped it back in the filing cabinet and shot it dead with one of Skyen's magic bullets. Then you got in a cab and came here to the hospital.

“We put all of this together afterwards from hard evidence, using my girl intuition and Janjan's boi logic. The Mods agree with it so we're pretty sure it's right.

“The important point is that the phone was haunted, and it wasn't the only haunted thing recently. Yura, can you explain your part?"

"Of course. Yancy-kun, if I may use such a familiar mode of address, uwu, I am a Chuunibyo Detective. I specialise in cases involving magic.”

“I understand the term Chuunibyo.”

“In the past week I have attended two cases involving haunted artifacts, a lantern, and an umbrella. The umbrella got away, unfortunately. I did not have enough fairy dust left to fly in pursuit of it.

“These hauntings are a typical form of Japanese spirit manifestation. This coincides with Moon's dream. The turtle bois in the dream are Kappa, a kind of spirit goblin from Japan, who live in watery places.

"Moon-chan, perhaps you could introduce Mistress Kou's plan, uwu."

"Yeah, thanks for explaining the Kappa. I'm sure there's more to come about them tomorrow.

“So, Yancy, the Mods think a group of Kappa have moved into the watery south of The Server. Their spirit power is causing these hauntings during the Halloween season, when ghosts are on the move. Is that right, Yura?"

"Exactly so, dear Moon-chan. You have it in a nutshell, uwu."

"Thanks, Yura-chan. Okay Yancy. I'm getting to the point, which is this: Kou wants us to do a recce of the Kappa to get more info, to help her decide what to do about them."

"Of course I will go with you! When do we start?"

All three girls started talking at once. No! I meant… You're too ill, Yancy… It is very brave, uwu, but… We only wanted advice… It went on like that. Mr Yancy was looking from one to the next, unable to break in.

I gave a loud cough. They turned to look at me.

"Sorry, I just wanted to ask if anyone needs a coffee. I can go and fetch some."

"Janjan-kun, you are a clever boi, uwu. Please would you explain what Ms Moon meant?"

“Yeah, sure. Mr Yancy, Mistress Kou needs your advice on what kind of boats to use."

"I see. Hmm. Moon, tell me what the terrain is like.”

She did so. He fell into thought for a couple of minutes.

"Yes. I would recommend wide bottom punts, four feet six wide, 22 feet six long, and 18 inches deep. This kind of boat is very stable in calm waters and has a good carrying capacity.

“They draw only a few inches and will go through very shallow places where a normal boat would ground. They can move forward or backward equally easily, if you get stuck up a blind backwater. I would give them a well for an electric trolling motor, and thwarts and stretchers and rowlocks for sculling.

“You will be able to carry six to eight members in one of them, plus equipment. You will need to have them special built. It can be done very quickly using marine plywood. A few days.

“Let the boatbuilder adjust my dimensions according to his experience, but make sure to explain to him what you want to do with them.

“One member would be able to move such a punt at slow walking speed using a pole, or sculls. That may sound slow, but it’s a lot quicker than marching through such terrain. You should carry punt poles and paddles as well as the motor and sculls."

Ms Moon got Yancy to repeat the spec. She wrote it down in her notebook and read it back to make sure it was right.

"Thanks, Yancy, that's really helpful!"

"Listen Moon, I meant it about volunteering for this expedition. I'll give you three reasons why I should go:

“First, there’s probably no-one else in The Server who knows as much as I do about handling small boats in lakes and rivers. Maybe Tsuchimursu, he’s pretty handy but he's self-taught. I've been trained.

“Second, Kappa speak Japanese, right? I speak it practically to native level, and I've had special training in advanced politeness and negotiation skills.

“Third, I am the Frog Prince.”

“I don’t see what that’s got to do with it, if I’m honest.”

“The Frog Prince is a member of the nobility of the Imperial House of the Frog. The Frog is our totem animal. The nobles of the House have a strong affinity with frogs. Ask the Princess, she’ll tell you.

“The terrain you’ve described is going to be swarming with frog bois and girls, and the expedition will need all the help it can get.”

“You’re claiming that you can telepathically mobilise an army of frogs for us?"

“I wouldn’t go that far, but I should be able to sense the mood of the froggy population, and influence them to track the Kappa’s movements in a general way.”

It sounded pretty odd to me, but lots of odd things happen in The Server, so why not.

If a spirit goblin can make a haunted umbrella fight a Garden Fairy, why can’t a Frog Prince be in tune with his froggy friends?

Ms Yura chimed in.

“Moon-chan, I believe what Yancy-kun says about his affinity with frogs. I have often felt an affinity with creatures in my magic garden, because I love all of them, even the naughty snails who eat the leaves of my flowers, uwu. I wish there were more frogs, to eat the snails."

Mr Yancy said, "Frogs are our friends," as if it was a slogan. Perhaps it was something from his Imperial House.

“Hmph. Well, it’s pretty soft-boiled if you ask me, but Kou wanted us to team up to combine our different strengths. Maybe there’s something in it, I dunno.

“Look Yancy, of course I want you with us. But it’s got to be a sensible decision based on medical and practical things. So you’ll have to wait.”

“That’s fine. I’m a very patient, ha ha!”

“...”

“That was a pun.”

“Yes, thank you, Mr Linguist. It’s easy to see you’re getting a lot better.”

“Um, actually he’s not as strong as he likes to pretend. Yancy’s getting pretty tired, and I think it’s time for you to go. He has to do more eye exercises.”

“Yeah, sorry Nymphi. Okay, we got what we came for, so thanks, Yancy. I’ll visit again soon.”

Moon leant towards Mr Yancy. I thought she was going to kiss him, then she kind of went for his cheek instead, but she stopped herself before getting that close, and she just gave him a casual light hug. He blushed and cleared his throat, she coughed lightly, and shook his hand like a pro.

Ms Yura kissed Yancy’s left ear again, and waved at him as she went out. A final “uwu” drifted in her wake.

“Ms Nymphi, Mr Yancy, thank you for seeing us. I am sorry to be so much trouble.”

I moved the two extra chairs out of the room for them, and went to find Ms Moon and Ms Yura. They were walking towards the canteen, chatting in a friendly way. I walked fast to catch up, the skirt of my trench coat swirling behind me.

“Ah, Janjan. Ms Yura was saying she has to go and write her presentation about Kappa for tomorrow morning. We’ve got the info we needed about boats. Let’s go to the office, get the shotguns and spend the rest of the afternoon at the range. You need to shoot your revolver some, too.”

“Yes, Ms Moon.”

We did just that. We both shot with the shotguns, causing a lot of noise. Ms Moon shot 10 rounds, just on principle, and she made me shoot until I could reliably obliterate the target at any range up to 50 yards, which is the effective maximum.

“Good shooting, Janjan.”

“I guess it would be a lot harder against someone who’s shooting back.”

“Yes. Yancy’s got two principles when he gets into a gunfight. One is that it’s often better to fill the air with bullets than actually hit anything. That keeps the other guy’s head down. The second principle is never to get into a fair fight. Always make sure you’ve got an advantage.

“The fact is we’re detectives, not soldiers. It’s not our job to get into gunfights. We avoid that as much as possible.”

“I can relate to that.”

Then she showed me a hard-boiled trick. These kind of shotguns, you can hold the trigger down and it'll fire as fast as you can rack the slide. Not accurate, but great for putting a lot of lead in the air quickly.

We both did this "mad minute" and peppered the butts damn good. The noise crashed around the range like a storm, scaring the other members.

We laughed, exhilarated by our rolling thunder. Then we shot another salvo and laughed even more.

The range manager came and said some members were complaining about the noise.

"Tell 'em to take up crown green bowling instead of shooting for a hobby.

“Okay, Janjan, you had better practice with your stubby gat now. It’s going to have a kick to it, that strong of a round in such a small gun.”

Ms Moon was right. It kicked like hell and made a big bang too. I figured that would be intimidating to the target even if I missed. I shot 30 rounds, and by the end I was hitting fairly well on target at 20 yards. That’s good enough for a pistol.

After all the practice, my trench coat smelt of cordite fumes and my shoulder was bruised. I felt real hard-boiled.

“Okay Janjan. Enough shooting. Let’s clean the heaters now. Afterwards we’ll go to the office and I’ll show you one of the most important things about being a hard-boiled detective.”

“What’s that, Ms Moon?”

“How to write up an invoice for services rendered, and relevant expenses.”


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.13


Moon and Janjan put away their shotguns and went to their separate homes.

Once she was home Moon felt kind of blue. It had been an intense day. The shooting practice was exciting but now she felt down. She wanted company. She rang Onecornchippy to see how she was, and maybe get together for a drink and a chat.

“Oh, hey Moon. How are you?”

“My ears are ringing. I took Janjan to the range to practice with shotguns.”

“That isn’t your usual style, Moon. Is something up?”

“Maybe a bit. What if we go out for a drink and I’ll tell you.”

They met at a discreet cocktail bar on the edge of NSFW. The kind of place with more staff than customers, reassuringly expensive. Discretion was guaranteed, even if you sat at the counter with a bar boi or girl in front of you.

Luxurious crystal clear chunks of ice were dispensed into chilled glasses. Plump grapefruits were squeezed. Gin Salty Dogs were mixed and served, sparkling fresh.

Chippy looked at the bar snacks, speared a green olive, and munched it daintily. She sipped her drink.

“Okay Moon. Spill it.”

“Kou is putting together a small expedition to go to the watery south for a recce. She asked me to get boat advice from Yancy. We went round there, to the hospital I mean. He looked terrible…”

“I know! It’s like a horror movie. But Mayoy says it looks a lot worse than it actually is. He’s very cheerful when I visit him.”

“He was pretty cheerful this afternoon. I went there with Janjan and the Garden Fairy Yura. Nymphi was there already, so it was quite a crowd.”

“Some of it is the drugs, you know. He’s on tranquillisers as well as painkillers.”

“Yeah. Well, when I said Kou wanted to set up an expedition he immediately volunteered. We all said no, of course, but he came up with three reasons why he should go. Two made sense. The last one was odd and I wanted to check with you.”

“What’s that?”

“Yancy said the Frog Prince is technically a member of your nobility, your Imperial House, I mean, so he has an affinity with frogs. Because they are your totem animal.”

“Well… It’s true. We have a strong sense of connection with frogs. I mean you must have seen how keen I am on frogs?”

“I figured that was just like some people are sweet on rabbits, or cats, or whatever.”

“It goes deeper than that.”

“Could Yancy really kinda tune into the frogs in the marsh, and sense their moods?”

“Easily, if there are lots of them.”

"Could he get them to… do things?"

"He could ask them to gather in groups, sing, follow him, that kind of thing."

“Oh. Right. I guess we’ve got to put that in Yancy’s favour then.”

They sipped their cocktails.

“Moon, do you feel like something’s going to happen?”

“You’ve got that feeling too?”

“Yes. I don’t know why, or what it means.”

“Yancy opened the special cabinet. The one where he keeps… um...”

“What does he keep there?”

“Something which ain’t good news."

"...?"

"I think Bad Things are gonna happen soon.”

“Don’t talk like that, Moon! Naming calls. You’ll bring the danger to you.”

Moon took a big sip of her cocktail, and bided her silence.

“When did he go in there?”

“Oh yeah, I haven’t told you what we worked out about how he ended up in hospital.”

Moon quickly explained the recent events involving Yancy. She also spoke of the hauntings. It would be public knowledge anyway, once the special evening edition came out with Kou’s public information bulletins.

“Look, Moon. I think Yancy should go on the expedition, if he can recover enough.”

“Eeehhh?”

“Seriously. You and he have always worked together. You’re a great team. You’ll have the Garden Fairy too, and whatever other help the Mods can get you.

“It’s going to be dangerous.”

“All the more reason to take him along. I don’t need a wimp Waifu, and Yancy has never wanted to be one.”

“Chippy, it’s not about your and Yancy’s relationship.”

“I know that! I know it’s more important... It’s about The Server, all of the members, from the Mods to the smol young’uns!!!”

Moon was taken aback.

“Sorry, Chippy, I didn’t mean it like that. It came out the wrong way.”

“It’s okay. You’re tired and worried. Look, I would go if I could, but I have higher responsibilities.”

Onecornchippy was the heir apparent. Her life could not be put at hazard without exceptional reasons.

“Yeah.”

“So I’ll do everything else I can. I’ll give advice and encouragement and coins and anything else I can think of. Just ask.”

“Thanks, Princess!”

Moon took Chippy in her arms and gave her a strong sister hug. Chippy hugged back.

Together, they shared and built up their strength and morale, until it was much bigger than the courage they both had individually.

Moon drained her Salty Dog.

““Aaaah!. Okay doll, if we’re gonna be hard-boiled together, you wanna try a hard-boiled drink?”

“Set me up.”

“Bar boi! Rye, two fingers straight up, dash of branch water. Two of them soon as you like."

The two glasses were placed neatly on coasters in front of the girls They lifted them, drained them in one draught, and slammed the empties down on the bar.

Onecornchippy felt the liquor burn down her throat and pool in her stomach. It fired up her blood. Her brain began to operate on different wavelengths.

“Woah! That’s strong. I don’t need another of them.”

“Yeah, Let’s go. I’ve got a meeting with Kou at 9 tomorrow.”

They paid their bill and left, feeling much better and stronger than when they had arrived.

…

The next morning, the Halloween Hauntings project team met in the Mod Channel. Scarlet, who built the great Cathedral, and the taciturn Tsuchimursu, joined Skyen and Mistress Kou. The Mod power seemed almost to hum in the conference room.

The Kuudere Detective and Sidekick were too cool and hard-boiled to be affected. They figured the Mods needed them as much as they needed the Mods. The Garden Fairy was serene and cheerful as ever, today in a pale green dress with dark green pumps and belt.

Refreshments were served by a bot, and Kou called the meeting to order.

She introduced Scarlet, whose spiritual powers were needed against the hauntings.

Tsuchimursu needed no introduction. Moon and Janjan had met him at Cowley Court. The Garden Fairy and Tsuchimursu were... very good friends… it seemed from the way they were looking at each other.

The big screen TV was lit up and an agenda appeared.

Summary for newcomers (Kou)
Results of bulletins (Kou)
Haunting news update (Skyen)
Boat advice (Ms Potato)
Discussion
Kappa, their habitats, habits, behaviours and powers. (Garden Fairy Yura)
Discussion
Next Steps

<Great. More Powerpoint...> whispered Moon to Janjan.

Mistress Kou began by bringing Scarlet and Tsuchimursu up to date with the case. She checked they understood the situation, and went on to point 2.

“I released two bulletins in last night’s Mod News special edition. One warned of the danger of hauntings in the channels, giving some details of the attacks so far. The second informed members how to defend themselves and whom to contact for help.

"There was a degree of, I won’t say panic, but certainly consternation. The public mood is febrile.”

<WTF does that mean, Janjan>

Janjan held his hand up.

“Sorry Mistress Kou, but I’m just a simple hard-boiled sidekick. Can you explain in everyday words?”

“Yes, Janjan. What I mean is that the members are nervous and agitated.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“That said, I am sure that the public mood will improve if there are no more hauntings, or, if there are, they are seen to be dealt with swiftly and effectively. Skyen, is there any news?”

“Kou, since the bulletins were published there have been seven reports of haunted artifacts. In each case, first investigation by bots showed them to be perfectly normal examples of machinery going wrong, or operator error. Therefore it was not necessary to call the detective team.”

<Which was lucky, as I was drunk.>

Janjan suppressed a snigger.

“Obviously this reaction was caused by the public nervousness you mentioned. Members are jumping at shadows.”

“Exactly, Skyen, but as I said, we must hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Speaking of which, when will the new enchanted shotgun shells be ready?

“Two more days, Kou.”

“Right. Well, Kuudere Detectives, I am afraid you must be sparing with the rounds you still have, if anything should happen.”

“Yes, Kou. We know how to hold our fire.”

“Well, Moon, that brings us to the boats. How did you get on with Yancy? How is he?”

“Yancy looks like a thousand miles of bad road, Kou. But he’s in good spirits. When I mentioned the expedition, he immediately volunteered.”

“It seems inadvisable.”

“Yeah, maybe, maybe not. Depending.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll come to that later, when we talk about the crew. OK, I’m not a doc but from what I understand, Yancy’s wounds look worse than they are.

“He’s recovered from the concussion. He’s still got double vision and no-one knows if that will cure itself. He may need an operation.

“He’s pretty cheerful and not in much pain but you gotta reckon he’s on drugs so take that with a pinch of salt.

“Anyway, that’s probably more than I shoulda said. You better ask Doctor Mayoy for a proper report.”

“Thank you, Moon. I am sure we all wish Yancy a speedy and complete recovery. Now, what did you learn from him about boats.”

“Okay, first I wanna establish that Yancy is pretty much an expert in small boats. He’s been rowing or sculling for years…”

“What is the difference?”

“I don’t really know but if you ask him he’ll explain it; it’s hard to make him stop, actually. It’s to do with how many oars you got, or something."

“I see…”

No-one really did.

“Right, so, he’s done rowing or whatever in various kinds of boats. He’s also done punting. That’s when you push the boat along with a long pole. Anyone who’s seen him on the water will tell you, he’s got the look. You can see he knows what he’s doing.”

Tsuchimursu raised his hand.

“It is true, Kou. At the weekend I was rowing with Mayoy on the Cowley Court boating lake. Yancy came in a single seat skiff. He had Chanmichan with him.

"His technique was good. He moved the boat well. I am self-taught. I am very strong, but I am not elegant. Yancy is elegant. He is not so strong, though.”

“That was the Yancie aspect you saw, Tsuchimursu. Yancy the detective, and Yancy the Frog Prince, both are physically stronger aspects.”

“I did not know this. Also, Yancie’s boat began to sink, but he was unafraid. He borrowed my bailer and got his boat safely to the shore.”

“There are too many words I don’t know. What’s a skiff? What’s a bailer? How can two people fit in a single seat boat?

“Kou, Tsuchimursu can explain all those things better than me. But we’re getting a bit off topic. I was gonna explain Yancy’s idea for the type of boat to use for the expedition.”

Moon handed a thumb drive to Kou, who loaded it into her computer. The TV changed to show images of flat bottomed punt boats, and a list of dimensions and other equipment needed.

"I took all that stuff down in my notebook. I did a sketch based on Yancy’s description and some stuff I googled. He said to take the advice of the boatbuilder for the details of any changes."

“Moon, this is excellent. Thank you very much. Please convey my special thanks to Yancy the next time you see him. Any thoughts, Tsuchimursu?”

“It is good advice, Kou. This kind of boat will only get stuck in very shallow water. It is not at all tippy. Novice crew will quickly feel confident of not falling in. It can carry a big load. It can be moved by a punt pole, or an electric motor, or paddles, or oars.”

Tsuchimursu did not care about the difference between rowing and sculling. He just wanted to get his boat to move.

“I will only mention that it is not a fast kind of boat. Does that matter?

“That is a point for discussion.”

“Kou, I think a faster boat would be an airboat. It is like a large punt, with a very big propellor on the back. They are very fast and very noisy.”

“But Tsuchimursu, a boat that noisy would attract all the Kappa for miles, surely?”

“Yes, Skyen, that is something to consider. Also, if you run the boat into a rock, or a floating log, at high speed, there can be a bad accident.”

“Tsuchimursu, I want you to lead this expedition. Which kind of boat would you choose?”

“Hrrrm. I choose a slow and stealthy boat. I choose the punt.”

“How many do you need?”

“I think we need two of them. I think the expedition should be small enough for everyone to board into one boat, if the other one is damaged.”

“How would that work, Tsuchimursu?”

“If one punt was damaged or stuck, we could withdraw in the second one, leaving behind equipment we could not carry. But we would bring back all the crews. That is the important thing.”

“Why not send three punts?”

“Mistress Kou, if you start to think like that, there is no end! Send four, send 10! We have limited time, and limited crew. We have not decided the crew yet, even. I believe it can be done best with two punts, and six or eight crew.”

“Very well. Before we discuss the crew and equipment, let us break for coffee. After that we will hear from Garden Fairy Yura.”


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.14


Everyone who needed the bathroom took advantage of the break. The conference reconvened 15 minutes later. Kou had got the Garden Fairy’s presentation loaded up.

“Kappa: Water Goblins of Japan”

The Garden Fairy stood up and began to speak, advancing the slides as needed.

“The Kappa are a type of Bakemono, a creature with supernatural powers as well as intelligence. They typically inhabit bodies of water including rivers and lakes.

“They have many traditional names. Kappa is the most widely used in modern times.

“Here are some pictures to show their looks. As you can see, they look very much like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, uwu.

“An important difference is the dished top of the head. Please take note of it!

This dish is filled with water from the Kappa’s home pool. It is the source of the Kappa’s power. If it is spilt, or dried up, the Kappa will be greatly weakened, uwu.

“Kappa do not usually carry weapons of any type, however they are very strong for their size, and good at wrestling.

“They are not necessarily violent or cruel to humans. But there are many cases where they have attacked and drowned people or horses, or done worse things.”

The Garden Fairy looked very sad at these unpleasant facts. No-one wanted to ask what Kappa did to people which was worse than drowning.

“Naturally they can swim well. They can also cross land well, providing they avoid getting dried out. Their tie to their home pool limits their range.

“Kappa are notorious for their appetite for cucumbers. This is why a sushi roll with cucumber is called Kappamaki. Perhaps the expedition should carry cucumbers as gifts or lures or decoys.

“Kappa are very polite, uwu. If you meet one, you should bow deeply. Often the Kappa will bow back, spilling the water from its head and disarming itself.

“Though they are tough, Kappa can be killed by conventional weapons. Spiritual weapons, such as Ms Skyen’s anti-daemon bullets, will be even more effective.

“There are many other interesting stories and facts to relate about Kappa, uwu, however I do not think they will add much value to our current discussion.

“So!

“I hope to persuade you not to engage in violence against these fascinating creatures. I believe if we approach them peacefully, it will be possible to come to terms with them.

“We should strive for an arrangement which protects their way of life and enhances the diversity of The Server.

“Thank you for listening to my presentation, uwu.”

The Garden Fairy sat down.

“Thank you for your hard work, Ms Yura. I agree with you about the importance of avoiding violence. At the same time, I cannot ask members to put themselves in potential danger without some means of defending themselves or escaping.”

Janjan raised his hand.

“Um. Did I get this right? If you can spill out a Kappa’s head bowl, its power is gone?”

“Janjan-kun, you are exactly right, uwu. With their water spilt, they are much weaker than humans.”

“Okay, what if we took something like a compressed air jet. We could use it to blow the water out the Kappa’s heads, but it wouldn’t hurt them.”

A murmur of surprise rolled around the table.

<Nice one, Janjan. I knew I did right to pick you.>

“Tsuchimursu, what do you think?”

“It is a good idea. We could put a petrol generator on the punt, powering a portable electric air compressor. We could also have a battery pack and a good radio, floodlights… We would have to carry fuel, of course.”

“Tsuchimursu, please investigate this idea as well as directing the build of the punts.”

“Yes, Kou.”

“Now let us consider the crews. We need three to four members for each punt.

“Obviously Tsuchimursu must be captain of the expedition. Yancy would be a good choice for lieutenant of the second punt, if he was well enough.

“Ms Potato, Ms Yura and Mr Janjan will go. Scarlet must stay in the central Server to defend against hauntings.

“Who else would anyone recommend?

“Kou, we must take someone with experience of portable generators and compressors. Someone from the Fire and Rescue service would be ideal. They are used to operating such equipments in dangerous situations, and they have first aid skills.

“I shall make enquiries. It will have to be a volunteer, of course.”

“Thank you, Skyen.”

Moon raised a hand. Kou looked at her.

"I want to make two more points in support of Yancy.

"The first is that he speaks near native Japanese, and he's had special training in etiquette and negotiation."

"That is useful to know."

The next is that because he's the Frog Prince, he's got a special connection to frogs. There're gonna be a load of frogs in the Kappa area. Yancy reckons he can kinda tune into them and maybe track the Kappa."

"Can this really be true?"

"I asked the Princess and she agreed."

"Mistress Kou, I believe it can be true, uwu."

“Well, then our crew list so far is: Tsuchimursu, Garden Fairy Yura, Kuudere Detective Moon Potato, Kuudere Sidekick Janjan, Mr Yancy if he is fit, and two or three others, hopefully from the Fire and Rescue service.

“Kou, it is not enough. We need to find some backup crew. They won’t necessarily be needed, but in case they are…”

“Yes, I agree. Let us finish this conference now, and reconvene tomorrow at the same time.

“Tsuchimursu, you must order the boats and make a list of necessary equipment. Skyen, contact Fire and Rescue to ask for their help.

“Scarlet, Ms Yura, Ms Moon and Mr Janjan, hold yourselves ready for possible action against new hauntings.

“Everyone, please try to think of members you think might be useful and willing to join the backup crew.

Thank you, that is all for today.”

…

The detectives, Scarlet and the Garden Fairy went for lunch and discussed the tactics they should use in case of another haunting. Everyone felt that shotguns should be a last resort.

They decided to carry the guns around in their bags until they were actually needed. It was best not to alarm the ordinary members in the channels.

“We’ve only got nine magic shells left, but I’ll bring ordinary shells too. They should have some effect, especially against a weak kind of object like a lantern or umbrella."

Suddenly their haunting alarms went off.

“Oh great!”

They all grabbed their phones to see the bad news.

“Suspected haunted car, chasing members in the plaza between the Scarlet Cathedral and the Casino. Let’s go.”

Moon led the way. They got out into the channel and flagged down a taxicab.

“Where to, Ms?”

“You’re walking home today, Mac. Yer cab’s requisitioned. Mod business.”

Moon pulled open the driver’s door and hauled the protesting cabbie out.

“Who’s the best driver?”

“I’ve got an advanced driver certificate and a National class B racing licence.”

“Wow! Hidden talents, Janjan. In you get. Gimme your gat and the speedloader and I’ll ride shotgun.”

Moon rushed round to the passenger front door. Scarlet and the Garden Fairy climbed in the back.

“Buckle up. I’m gonna drive fast.”

Janjan accelerated smoothly and headed for the main strip, the wide channel which went due south from the Mod Channel and connected to the Cathedral plaza.

Scarlet was on the phone, to Kou, presumably.

“We’re on our way in a commandeered cab. Get the bots to clear the channels as much as possible.”

Janjan floored the throttle, seeing clear straight road ahead. The cab span up to its top speed, rocking queasily on its soft suspension.

It took about two minutes to get to the Cathedral plaza. Janjan braked hard going in. He didn’t want to hit any members or the target car, if it was still there.

It was.

The suspect haunted vehicle was a metallic grey Audi A4, pulling donuts around the square. Smoke poured from its tyres.

“No driver. It must be haunted.”

It seemed to catch sight of their taxi. It stopped donutting, stood still, and revved its engine several times, as if growling at them. Its headlights flamed on high beam.

Janjan was still rolling with the clutch pedal down. He coasted pretty close to the daemon car, and it began to move forwards to ram them. But it was coming from a standing start.

Janjan was ready. He slotted 2nd gear and floored the throttle, accelerating fast, and slipped past the spirit vehicle. It honked its horn in anger, turning in behind to chase.

Moon went to lean out of the window with Janjan’s rod.

“No, wait, Boss! I’m gonna pull some tricks.”

He threw the cab into a screeching bootlegger which turned them 180 degrees, facing back up the main channel. He floored the accelerator again and headed straight north, working quickly through the gears.

The haunted hooptie came in from the side at a sharp angle. Janjan swerved, dropped a gear and accelerated, narrowly dodging it.

He sped up fast, climbing gears aggressively. The engine howled as he pushed it through the redline. The possessed auto surged up behind. They were closely pursued, heading north at nearly 100 miles per hour.

“ADOPT THE BRACE POSITION!”

They did.

Suddenly Janjan stood on the brakes. The cab slowed abruptly, shoving the passengers forwards in their seats. The ABS system juddered. The tyres screeched and smoked.

There was a heavy metallic crunch and the taxi jumped forward. The devil car had rammed them from behind.

Janjan kept hard pressure on the brake pedal and threw the cab into a low gear, adding engine traction to the deceleration effect. The speedometer dropped rapidly despite the boost from the rear.

Suddenly he stopped braking, floored the throttle again, and the cab leapt forward. The jinxed jalopy tried to keep close. It revved its engine to the max.

Janjan lead it into the Dream Disco channel. There were ordinary members on the sidewalks, gaping and pointing at the show.

Janjan sped on. The kuruma-bake was wheezing behind them. Steam flooded from its engine. It began to slow. It dropped to walking pace, then slower, slower, and finally halted in a cloud of water vapour and fumes of boiling oil.

Its smashed radiator had boiled dry, and the engine oil followed it, leaving the crankshaft and pistons seized solid.

Janjan parked neatly at the kerb. He got out and politely opened the rear door for the Garden Fairy to alight.

Yura looked a bit green around the gills. She had never before been thrown about in such manoeuvres in a car.

"Janjan-kun, that was very… exciting."

"Ms Yura, I reckon I wrecked the ghost car's engine but it still needs the spirit to be dispelled."

The four of them walked back to the slumped possessed heap. It stood in a cloud of stinking vapour illuminated by all its lights flashing angrily.

Moon brought out her Beretta, worked the slide, and carefully put two bullets into each tyre. The banger sagged right down to the ground.

“He’s going nowhere.”

The Garden Fairy took a big pinch of fairy dust from her tassel pouch. She unfurled her wings and sprang daintily into the air. Flying over the animated auto, she sprinkled it all over with her sparkles, muttering a spell.

The car relaxed into seeming death. Its lights dimmed and went out. Perhaps it was now at peace.

"Great job, Janjan-kun!" Scarlet called up to arrange for two Z wagons to lift away the wrecked vehicles.

Moon changed the magazine in her gat and put it back in her handbag.

“I need a drink.”


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.15


Moon realised that by good luck Janjan had parked within a few minutes walk of both Little Brown Jug and the Kafé Kauda Kai.

“We need a bit of relaxation and talk over this incident. Head pats or pints, people?”

“What do you mean by a pint, Moon-chan, uwu?”

“A pint of British beer, Yura-chan. There’s a pub I know round the corner. I’ve been there with Yancy. Don’t worry, they have all the other drinks too. Or the head patting cafe is just down there.”

They quickly decided the pub was the place to be. Moon led them to the Little Brown Jug, and installed them in a quiet corner of the snug. She went to the bar for the first round.

Moon bought pints of bitter for herself and Janjan, half-pints of port and lemon for Scarlet and the Garden Fairy, and two packets of porky scratchings. She put the drinks down, ripped open the scratchings and offered them around.

“What an interesting snack.”

Yura took a scratching and put it in her mouth with a smile. She began to chew and crunch. Her expression changed. She swallowed quickly and took a sip of her drink.

“Oooh! I like port and lemon, it’s sweet, uwu.”

Moon got stuck into her pint, downing a quarter of it in one go. Then she took a scratching.

“Thirsty work, this daemon quelling.”

She crunched up the scratching and took another swig of beer. Then another scratching.

Scarlet felt as Mod it was necessary to call the meeting to order. It looked like the hard-boiled tendency to drink might take over.

“I want to thank Janjan for that excellent driving. Without your skillful manoeuvres, the possessed auto might have roamed the channels all day.

“I’m sorry the cab got smashed up, Mod Scarlet.”

“Don’t worry. Better a couple of cars wrecked than a member run over. However, now we know that cars are liable to be possessed, I will have ‘stingers’ issued to bot squads. They will quickly immobilise any new haunted vehicle and we can dispel it at our leisure.”

“So we’ve had an umbrella, a phone, a lantern and now a car. What’s next?”

Nothing else happened that night.

The next day, the Haunted Artifacts Team had to deal with a spirit washing machine.

This simply caused a flood. It wasn’t even a bad flood. The impish appliance was installed in a Japanese style 2LDK, so it was in an anti-flood tray. It had overflowed that a bit and made the bathroom floor wet.

Janjan put on rubber boots to cross the wet floor safely, switched off the electricity at the main panel, unplugged the errant device and closed the stop-cock.

He got squirted with water and powdered with soap while doing this, but his trench coat took the damage. The machine was then dispelled by Yura. Bots were summoned to carry it to the growing archive of de-spirited artifacts held in a secure store in the Mod Channel.

Later the same day the Kuudere detectives went to their office to collect the magic shotgun shells. They were showing Yura around, and Yancy’s typewriter started lashing its typebars at them. Slamming its carriage back and forth rapidly, it waddled across the desk and scored some good hits on Janjan’s hands before the Garden Fairy dispelled it with her sparkles.

Janjan look at his damaged dukes in dismay. The letters F U O K Y C U were printed multiple times on his fingers and hands in a ragged pattern.

“What’s this mean, Ms Yura? Is it Japanese? Is it a spell?”

“Oooh, I think it is an English anagram, uwu. I will leave it to you to work out the meaning. I can assure you that you are in no danger, young Janjan-kun.”

Moon passed him a bottle of turpentine and an old gun rag.

“Don’t worry, Janjan, this stuff will get the ink right off.”

They bagged up the neutralised Corona. Moon asked the others to look the other way while she opened the special cabinet and got the rest of the magic shotgun ammo.

Janjan shouldered the dead typewriter. It weighed about five kilos. They got a taxicab up to the Mod Channel and delivered the machine to Scarlet.

The three of them were feeling beat in different ways. Yura tolerated the boredom of waiting for an alert very well. She simply meditated, or sang to herself. But the rush to the crime scene was tiring.

The hard-boiled crew were the opposite. Playing poker or reading pulp novels for too long made them feel stiff. They enjoyed action.

The Garden Fairy had a room at the hotel where the Princess was staying, but she didn’t want to go back alone.

Moon suggested a visit to the hospital to see Yancy. According to her modified support schedule, Onecornchippy ought to be there with him.

“You can hook up with the Princess, Yura-chan. Janjan can get his fingers checked out at Emergency, and I’ll see how Yancy is doing.”

“Oh, how lovely, to be introduced to the Frog Princess, uwu. Thank you so much, Moon-chan.”

They left Janjan to be seen by the duty nurse in A&E and went up to Yancy’s room. Onecornchippy was sitting with him, reading aloud a comic novel by P G Wodehouse.

“Hey Chippy! How’s our bad boi?” Moon went to shake Yancy’s left hand. She caught sight of the book.

“Is it a good idea, Chippy, reading him that stuff?”

Moon was worried that Yancy might be influenced to adopt his Yancie aspect again. Yancie was a Bertie Woosteresque disguise, genial, but inept to the point of danger. His most recent achievement had been to set fire to the Frog Palace while making a pot of tea.

“Doctor Mayoy says laughter is a good medicine. Don’t worry, I’ll keep to small doses. Who have you brought with you, Moon?”

“This is Garden Fairy Yura, Chuunibyo Detective. We’ve been fighting the haunted artifacts together.”

Moon hugged Yura round the shoulder with one arm, careful not to touch her wings.

“I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Princess Onecornchippy, uwu.”

“Wow! You really are a fairy. You’ve got wings and everything. Can you fly?”

“In the aspect I wear now, I can fly a short distance using my fairy sparkles.”

“It must be wonderful to be able to fly. I hope you will show me, when it’s convenient.”

“Listen Chippy, Ms Yura here has a problem with snails. She needs your advice about frogs.”

The Princess’s eyes lit up with enthusiasm.

“You’re both at the same hotel. How about I take over with Yancy here, and you two could go and get some dinner together.”

“First I will give Yancy-kun another fairy dust treatment to his poor eye.”

She did this, then the Garden Fairy and the Princess bustled out arm in arm, already deep in conversation.

Moon moved her chair close to his bed.

“Hey Yancy. How’s it going?”

“Moon, I’m worried about my eyes. I feel like I can’t tell the others. I mean I can’t tell Nymphi or Chippy. I’m sorry to tell you.”

She took his hand.

“It’s okay. You gotta tell someone. You can tell me. I’ve got your back, Yancy.”

“...”

He squeezed her hand.

“Oh yeah. Mistress Kou asked me to say thanks very much for your advice about the boats.”

“I hope I can go. They’ll be good boats, even if they’re only stitch and glue assembly.”

Moon didn’t know what that meant.

“Any boat’s a good boat which floats, Moon. Something I forgot to say before is that the boatbuilder needs to put camping hoops on them and make covers. The expedition obviously will take several days. It could rain, and it will be cold at night.”

“I’ll tell Kou and Tsuchimursu. Oh, I forgot, I brought your new pyjamas.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Moon! I’ve been wearing these horrid hospital gowns the last couple of days. It was alright when I was bedridden but I need to get up and walk around now. I don’t like showing my bottom to the nurses.”

“Um, I’m sorry but I used them myself, Yancy. I washed them after, though.”

“Why did you want to wear my PJs? They must be much too big.”

“They were okay, actually, because your boi waist is smaller than my girl hips. I shortened the arms and legs with a few stitches. I borrowed them the night you were in a coma. I felt kinda blue. I went to stay with Chippy at the hotel, because your room was empty.”

“Oh. How are you feeling now, Moon?”

“A lot better. You’re on the mend. I’m sure your eyes’re gonna be fine, and you’ll be able to join the expedition. I bigged up your boat skills and frog whispering to Kou.”

“If my eye would come right I would be out of here.”

“Yeah. Don’t sweat it Yancy. Just keep up the exercises and you’ll be fixed in no time.”

“Thank you so much for visiting, Moon, and thanks for the pyjamas. I’ll change as soon as you’ve gone.”

“I’m not going until I tell you about Janjan’s driving.”

“What’s that?”

Moon filled Yancy in on the way Janjan had totally outdriven the daemon Audi. She told him about the haunted washing machine, and how Janjan got his hands battered by Yancy’s typewriter.

“What were the letters?”

“Y F C K O U C or something. Yura said it was an anagram. What’s an anagram?”

“It’s a word or phrase which has been jumbled up so the letters are in the wrong order. Usually to make another word which makes sense. I think you misremembered the letters a bit.”

“What’s it mean, Yancy?”

“Let’s just say it’s an Anglo-Saxon expression.”

“Oh, tell me!”

“You can work it out for yourself. Write the letters down on paper and play around with the order.”

Moon could see this Yancy wasn’t going to tell her, so she gave up.

“Alright, Mr Linguist. I’ll bring you the answer tomorrow, I bet ya.”

“You do that, Moon. Now, go home and get yourself some rest. You’re doing a really important job, defending the members from hauntings. You need some downtime. And I need to do more eye training.”

“Sure thing, Yancy. Listen… ...”

“Yes?...”

“Yancy… I… … It’s nothing. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

They shook with their left hands, and Moon went home to her small 1LDK.

Yancy was pleased to see his partner, but it conflicted him.

He was really proud of the work Moon was doing to save The Server from danger. He worried about her. Janjan seemed like a great sidekick, but he didn’t have the history there was between Yancy and Moon.

It wasn’t like Yancy had been the leader and Moon the follower. They had always been equal partners. Yancy was the more impetuous one. Moon was the more thoughtful one. They were a great team. They had synergy. They were more than the sum of their parts.

Now Moon was pushed into a position of such responsibility, and he was sitting around in hospital, unable to help her.

“I need to get myself fit, for Moon’s sake.”

Yancy took up his eye exercise chart, and worked hard until the nurse came to help him have his bath.


TO BE CONTINUED...


© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.16


Yancy's anxieties about Moon were alleviated by the light dose of diazepam he was on. He had a peaceful night.

When he opened his eyes the next morning, he found his vision had snapped back to normal, as clear as if it had never gone wrong at all.

Yancy was so excited he got out of bed and ran limpingly to the nurse station to tell them the good news. They paged Doctor Mayoy and made Yancy go back to his room. Mayoy came up after a few minutes.

“Good morning, Yancy. So, your vision is back to normal? That's excellent news. Nice pyjamas, by the way.”

“Pyjamas are so much better than those hospital gowns, which flap open at the back.”

"Quite. To get to the point, though, I expect you want to be discharged.”

“Please, Doctor. There are things going on and I feel useless in here. I want to help.”

“You won’t be any use if you rush out there and collapse because you’re not 100% recovered. Right now you’re probably 75% considering all the bruising which still has to heal. That will heal by itself given a few more days.“

“Well, then.”

“Yes, but there’s your hand to worry about too. We’ll do another X ray, and I expect the plaster can be removed and we will give you a functional brace, and instructions for self-care. The physio will give you some exercises."

“What’s a functional brace, Doctor?”

“It is a fairly light piece of padded plastic which immobilises the joints involved. You will be able to use your hand to some degree. No shooting or fighting, though!”

“I should hope not!"

“The greatest concern is the possibility of a relapse to do with your head injuries. I want to do another scan, and have the eye team examine you again.”

“Yes, Doctor. Do you think it can be done today?”

“Certainly. You go and have your breakfast. I will make the arrangements. If things go well, we should be able to discharge you late this afternoon.”

Yancy went off happily.

Mayoy sent a message to Yancy’s group of supporters.

The girls were delighted to hear the good news. Moon was on call for haunting emergencies, so she left Nymphi and Chippy to plan a day’s visiting, and went up to the Mod Channel for the morning conference.

…

Moon and Janjan were starting to get pretty fed up with the regular 9 a.m. conference in the Mod Channel.

The usual suspects were there; Kou, Skyen, Tsuchimursu, Scarlet, the Garden Fairy. Refreshments were served and Kou put a Powerpoint slide on the screen. It was business-like but it wasn't hard-boiled.

Update on Hauntings (Skyen)
Boat construction and equipment (Tsuchimursu)
Crew recruitment (Kou)
AOB

<Here we go again.>

Skyen reported the facts the detectives already knew about the three hauntings they had dealt with, the leery laundry machine, the crazed Corona, and the satanic sedan.

Moon was writing something in her notebook and not really paying attention. Suddenly...

“HA! feth YOU! HA HA! IT’S feth YOU! HA HA HA!”

Everyone stared at Moon.

“Um, sorry. I just solved the anagram the daemon typewriter printed on Janjan’s hands.”

Kou cleared her throat, and asked Tsuchimuru to report on the punt construction.

“Yes, Kou. The main build is finished. The boatbuilder is ready to start fitting out the hulls. This is the time when we need to mention any special things we did not include in the initial spec.”

Moon raised a hand.

“I saw Yancy last night. He said to ask the boatbuilder to put in hoops for a cover for camping. It’s like a tent you can stretch over metal or plastic hoops to cover the boat.”

“Tsuchi?”

“Yes, Kou. I will instruct the boatbuilder. I expect it will be another two to three days to finish everything including the varnish."

“Thank you. Do you have a list of equipment?”

“Yes. It is all on this thumb drive.” He passed it over.

“Some of these equipments are to be borrowed from Fire and Rescue.”

The list included portable generators, air compressors, high capacity batteries, and more typical camping gear like self-heating ration packs, sleeping bags, water filters, and first aid supplies. Jerry cans of fuel were included, but little water storage, for obvious reasons. One unusual item was 100 kilos of cucumbers. Tsuchimursu explained;

“I think they will be useful to dealing with the Kappa. It was the Garden Fairy’s advice.”

Moon and Janjan decided quietly they would bring something more useful, several bottles of rye whiskey and gin.

<Why gin, Ms Potato?>

<Yancy always brings it because it’s medicinal.>

“Good. Thank you for your hard work, Tsuchimursu. Now, let us look at the volunteers for crew.”

“There are not many of them.”

In fact there were only two volunteers from Fire and Rescue, Firegirl Blaise and Firegirl VioletMist.

“This is not ideal. However, I think we can assume that anyone already recruited into Fire and Rescue is as good as we can hope for. We must accept them both and look for some more members. Everyone, please think of members you know who might be suitable for this expedition.”

Moon held up her hand.

“Kou, I’ve got good news about Yancy. His vision has cured itself. Doctor Mayoy is running some additional tests, but she hopes to be able to discharge him later today.”

“That is excellent news, Moon. So, Yancy can join the expedition. He may not be able to fight, but then you are not going to fight.”

“Kou, I want to propose Yancy’s Waifu Nymphi as another crew member.”

“Hm. What are her qualities?”

“Nymphi’s young but she’s cool. She’s done a great job visiting Yancy in hospital and keeping him to his eye exercises and all that. I’m sure that’s part of why he got better so quickly. Plus, I reckon all the crew could benefit from some top rank head patting to maintain morale.”

“Yes. I see your point. You feel that Nymphi will contribute to the social intelligence of the expedition. I agree. I leave it to you to ask her.”

“Kou, I have one more volunteer, who is not from Fire and Rescue.”

“Who is it, Tsuchimursu?”

“She is Chanmi.”

Chanmi was the smol girl who was very close with Doctor Mayoy. Moon remembered she had been at Cowley Court, and went out in a boat with Yancie, and they nearly sank. Not a good omen.

"What are Chanmi's qualities?"

“She is surprisingly dynamic and does not scare easily. When she and Yancy were sinking, she only cried after she was got safe into my boat. Before that she bailed hard with Yancy’s shoe, and helped to save their boat from sinking.”

Everyone had not heard this story, so Tsuchimursu had to explain briefly how he went out in a jolly boat with Mayoy, and Chanmi made Yancie take her in a skiff to chase them.

The skiff began to sink, and Tsuchimursu rescued Chanmi, while Yancie got the skiff back to shore.

“Those are good qualities. Add her to the crew list as a possible along with Nymphi. I consider it important that Yancy be allowed to give an opinion on the crews. He will be lieutenant under you, Tsuchimursu, and command the second boat.”

“Yes, Kou. I agree.”

“So. Let me list the total possible roster:

Tsuchimursu (Mod, Captain)
Yancy (Frog Prince, Lieutenant TBC)
Moon Potato (Kuudere Detective)
Janjan (Kuudere Sidekick)
Garden Fairy Yura (Chuunibyo Detective)

“Ah, Mistress Kou, I would like to inform you that I shall take on the aspect of Fairy Imp Yura for this expedition. The Fairy Imp is smoller, can fly better, and is more… fierce.”

It was difficult to imagine Yura being fierce, but there was a glint in her eye.

“Very well, Ms Yura, I shall amend the list. ”

Fairy Imp Yura (Chuunibyo Detective)
Firegirl Blaise (Machine ops, First aid)
Firegirl VioletMist (Machine ops, First aid)
Ms Nymphi (Morale officer, TBC)
Ms Chanmi (Deckhand, TBC)

“Good! Now we must wait for Doctor Mayoy’s report on Yancy’s condition.

…

Yancy spent a rather tedious day being pushed in a wheelchair to the CAT scanner, X-ray department, the Eye Clinic, the Pain Clinic, and Physiotherapy.

He did not complain, though, because he knew it was important to be confirmed fit for discharge. He paid careful attention to the instructions he was given for self-care.

His cannula and drug pump were removed, which pretty firmly signalled he was being prepared for discharge. Finally, he was pushed to Doctor Mayoy’s office to be given his verdict.

“Right, Yancy, I’m going to let you go.”


“Thank you so much, Doctor!”

“But first I’m going to give you some advice. Generally speaking your bruising will clear up by itself over the next week. The Eye Team think your vision is healed, but you must follow their instructions for monitoring and self-care.”

“Can I keep the eye-patch?”

“Yes, if you like. But only wear it if it’s part of your eye rehabilitation course. It’s not for frivolities like a pirate costume.”

“...”

“I’m very happy with the resolution of your concussion. Just try to avoid getting hit on the head. That applies to your eye injury too, obviously.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Now, your hand. I want to explain that in more detail. You’ve got chips of bone detached from the knuckles of your first and second fingers. The functional brace we’ve given you will immobilise those joints in a good position for healing.”

“Thank you.”

“I know you want to get out there and do stuff. What I’m going to tell you now isn’t strictly the best medical advice in one sense, but looking at it from a holistic angle, I feel justified.”

“I don’t understand, Doctor.”


“Here it is, Yancy. If you decide you want to use that hand, you can. The worst thing that’s going to happen is you’ll get some pain and swelling. That itself will limit what you can do with it. Maybe in 30 years you’ll have an increased chance of arthritis in those joints. You won’t be crippled, unless of course you get that hand properly mashed up, and don’t come back here with it.”

“If I understand correctly, you’re telling me I can use my discretion about how much work I do with this hand.”

“Essentially yes. I’m telling you this because your psychological recovery is also important. From that angle, you are better off having control of your injury and recovery.”

“Doctor... Mayoy... thank you very much.”

“Now. Here are some prescriptions for painkillers. Get these filled at the pharmacy, and I think the Princess Onecornchippy is here with some clothes for you. Please give her my regards.”

“I will. Thank you so much for all your care, Doctor Mayoy.”

“There’s one last thing.”

She opened her desk drawer and brought out a chonky blue steel pistol in a shoulder holster. It was Yancy the Kuudere Detective’s Colt M1911A1.

“This is yours.”

He eyed it nervously.

“Actually, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not pick it up, Mayoy.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a powerful hard-boiled totem. If I carry it, I’ll probably change aspect without wanting to, and I won’t be the Frog Prince.”

“I see. I can’t keep it here forever, though. This is a hospital, not an armoury.”

“Yes, I understand. Perhaps I could ask Onecornchippy to carry it for me, or Nymphi. Or Moon can come and get it.”

“Yes. Please work it out as soon as you can. Alright, off you go. Get your medicines and then wait in your room for the Princess to bring your clothes.”

“Doctor, thank you once again for all your care.”


TO BE CONTINUED…


© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.17


The Princess arrived with a bag of clothes for Yancy. He changed quickly, eager to get out of hospital and back to his own home.

“Chippy, there’s a favour I would like to ask you...”

“Sure, Yancy. What is it?”

“Doctor Mayoy’s got my big pistol. I don’t want to carry it, because it could make me hard-boiled again. It’s a totem of considerable power. Please would you carry it for me? I can’t leave it here.”

“I’m not carrying it everywhere, if it’s that big. I’m not a gun moll.”

“Can we just take it home, and Moon can get it later and put it back in the agency office.”

“Alright.”

They went to Doctor Mayoy’s office and picked up the Colt. Chippy put it in the overnight bag which had contained Yancy’s clothes and now held his pyjamas.

Onecornchippy thanked Mayoy especially well for her good care of Yancy, and finally they were able to go. The Princess had a cab waiting, which took them directly to the new Frog Palace in Blue Home.

“Oh yes, I am looking forwards to seeing your new Palace, Chippy. When did you move in?

“Our palace, monkey of mine. I moved in yesterday. All our stuff from the old palace has been cleaned and dried and put away. It’s lovely and neat.”

They spent a quiet evening. Yancy didn’t drink. He was still on painkillers for which alcohol consumption was contraindicated. Also, experience had taught him that drinking when your body condition is poor leads to brain-crushing hangovers. He wanted to be at his best for the Mod conference the next morning. Moon had invited him when it was confirmed he was coming out of hospital.

He made lists of equipment which Tsuchimursu might not have thought of, and sketched out a basic training programme for crew who had no previous experience of boating.

…

The next morning at 9 sharp, Kou, Skyen and Tsuchimursu met Yancy to update him with the current state of preparation for the expedition. Yancy gave them his list of extra equipment. Tsuchimursu had thought of some of it, but he hadn’t considered water shoes, inflatable life jackets, or life-saving throw ropes. These were added to the equipment order.

Yancy knew a lot of the members in the crews were girls. He had coached girl crews IRL. He knew they were more reluctant than bois to perform some bodily functions in the wild. His solution was to make things easier for them with planning and provision of some helpful arrangements.

The four of them interviewed Chanmi and Nymphi separately, and accepted both of them. Then everyone met in a large conference room for mutual introductions, and they began to allocate crew members to boats.

It was a surprise to see the Garden Fairy Yura. She had changed her aspect to the Fairy Imp Yura. This new aspect was very smol, barely four feet tall, but her head was nearly as large as before so she looked quite Chibi.

No-one dared make any comments along those lines, however. The Fairy Imp wore a dark green leather catsuit, combat boots, and had two tactical black tassel pouches for her fairy dust. She looked tough and capable, and there was a glint in her eye.

Her wings were large in proportion to her body. Obviously she would have much better flight capability.

“Yancy-kun. It is so good to see you up and about, hora.”

“I owe it to your fairy sparkles, Ms Yura. Thank you again!”

He was two feet taller than her, and had to suppress an urge to pat her head.

Tsuchimursu announced the names he had chosen for the boats. Yancy was pleased about this. He considered it unlucky to go in a boat which did not have a name.

The big Mod had named his own boat the “Saimaa” after the lakeland region where he had his remote country home.

Yancy’s boat was the “Noora”, a girl’s name in Tsuchimursu’s native Finnish.

They had to organise the members into crews. This occasioned a lengthy discussion which threatened to become a serious argument.

Moon wanted Janjan in her boat, because he was her sidekick, but this would put both shotguns together.

Yura insisted she should be with Tsuchimursu because reasons, hora!

Yancy was keen to get Blaise in his boat, for his own personal reasons he did not want to mention, but which Moon suspected.

VioletMist preferred to stick with Blaise, for her own personal reasons, however there had to be a machinery operator in each boat.

Chanmi didn’t care if she went with Tsuchimursu or Yancy.

Nymphi wanted to be in the boat with the most other crew, to give more head pats.

It all had to be balanced against the need to load both punts equally. It was complicated by the fact that Fairy Imp Yura had brought her magic portal, and could not be persuaded to leave it behind.

In the end, Tsuchimursu put his foot down and made his own decision.

“In Saimaa will go Yura, Moon and VioletMist, with me, and we will carry the magic portal. In Noora will go Janjan, Blaise, Chanmi and Nymphi, with Yancy. If people want to swap around on the second day, I will consider the request at that time.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent reviewing the mission profile and objective. Tsuchimursu and Yancy thought it would take two days to move down the East River to the watery south, and another day to get into the area where the Kappa were thought to be living. After that they would have to play it by ear.

Kou made it very clear that the purpose of the expedition was reconnaissance, not combat. Weapons and magic were to be used in self defence as a last resort, if lives were in real danger.

At the end Kou asked Tsuchimursu and Yancy to stay for a private discussion. Everyone else was released.

Moon took them to Little Brown Jug to introduce Blaise, Chanmi and VioletMist to the pleasures of bitter beer and porky scratchings.

...

The next morning Yancy took everyone for capsize and recovery training. He conducted this in a hotel swimming pool hired for the purpose, with a double skiff which had been brought over from Cowley Court.

Three by three, the crewmembers -- two scullers and a cox -- were upset into the water, to practise getting safely out from under the boat. These exercises were assisted by the rest of the members. Even Yancy took a go. It was a bonding experience.

Everyone except Yancy practised throwing the life-saving ropes. He could not do it with his hand in a cast. He was able to show how they should be re-packed, though..

This morning session was a group cohesion exercise as much anything. It was very unlikely the punts could be capsized. But if it happened, or someone just fell in, they now had a bit of experience in dealing with the situation.

The crews were issued appropriate clothing, and sheepskin cushions for long distance rowing. They had a long bonding lunch before they were sent home to relax for the evening.

The expedition was due to set out the next morning at 8 a.m. which required pick up by minibus between 7 and 7:30.

…

At 8 the next morning, the nine crew were off-loaded with their personal equipment to take charge of Saimaa and Noora.

The two broad punts were workmanlike rather than handsome. There hadn’t been time for the boatbuilder to add the gracenotes which make a pleasure punt a work of art.

They had plenty of space to fit the equipment and cargo. There were three thwarts for scullers or paddlers to sit on. The electric motor was set in a well near the stern. The machinery, generator, compressor and battery, was arranged along the centreline.

The crews arranged the rest of their kit, boarded, and shoved off.

Only Yancy and Tsuchimurse had any serious experience on the water. They devoted most of the morning to showing the novice crews how the boats worked, the difference between port and starboard, the impossibility of a capsize, how to pull their sculls in time with each other, and so on.

While this was going on, they alternately drifted and moved slowly under human power downstream to the south.

Yancy found he could scull pretty well even with his cast. The secret was that an expert sculler uses the fingers, not the fists, with a light touch on the handles. He was the only one who could feather his blades, a necessary skill for a racing sculler, but not important for moving the punts.

He still couldn’t get anyone to understand the difference to rowing, though.

By the afternoon, the members were getting some skillz. The boats began to move in a more orderly way. Everybody found the punts were very stable, so they stopped worrying about a capsize.

Although everyone felt tired, their new competence gave the crews a boost in morale. When Tsuchimursu ordered a halt for the night, there was almost a holiday atmosphere.

…

Onecornchippy received a call from Mistress Kou.

“Princess, I would like to consult with you.”

“Certainly, Mistress Kou, when and where?”

“I will send a car to your palace now, if I may, to bring you to the Mod Channel.”

The car delivered the Princess in smooth luxury. She went in and was received by Kou herself. After the usual pleasantries, Kou broached the real topic.

“Princess Onecornchippy, I believe you are close to several of the members of the expedition. Mr Yancy is your Waifu and Frog Prince, for example.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“I am sure you want them to come safely home.”

“Of course I do.”

“So do I. That’s why I have a Plan B, in case things go wrong.”

“I’m guessing you want me to help you with your Plan B.”

“Yes. Let me explain. I have to assume the expedition may get trapped by Kappa and will be unable to escape by land or water. If so, they will have to escape by air.”

“That’s logical.”

“We do not have many aircraft in The Server. More specifically, we do not have a helicopter equipped for search and rescue. It needs to be amphibious and have a winch, so it can land on water, or lift people out of jungle.”

“But I don’t know anybody… Oh, hang on… You’re talking about Lieutenant Mike and his S&R team.” *1

“Yes.”

“How do you know about him?”

“All the members who join or leave the server are logged, together with their available aspects and other information, .waifuinfo, .xp .$, and so on. It is basic operations, really, The Server cannot run without this sort of data.”

Chippy thought about that. It made sense. Actually, many of those data functions were available publicly. How could you find if a member was already claimed as a Waifu otherwise?

Kou went on.

“Lt. Mike’s aspect was an unusual and powerful one. He was deeply bound up in it. It had connections to the helicopter and his crew. That caught my eye at the time, and I remembered it while I was thinking about how to rescue the expedition.”

“Okay, but I don’t see where I fit into the picture, I don’t understand what you’re driving at. Lt. Mike left The Server months ago.”

“The point is that there is a way to summon a member back to The Server. It requires the establishment of a dm channel using an artifact, or better, an emotional tie with a member in The Server, which links the member to The Server. In this case I want to use both. Here is the artifact.”

Kou put a metal object on the table. It was a smol rectangular silver bar, with a short pin welded to the back. Chippy picked it up. She recognised it, Mike had worn these on the shoulder boards of his US Air Force uniform. Presumably it was the symbol of his rank.

“Where did you get this?”

“It was found by the maid when they serviced his room in the hotel. I think you know that room.”

“Have you been stalking me or something?”

“No, it is all inferred. The Dream Disco channel recorded you leaving the tea dance at the same time as Lt. Mike. Later you both dropped .iam NSFW at the same moment. You both left NSFW simultaneously a couple of hours afterwards, just after he paid a bill at an Italian restaurant.

“The hotel recorded Lt. Mike entering his room that evening, and leaving it early the next morning. It recorded a second person leaving his room an hour later. The service records show that the hotel room had been well used by two people. All the towels and bathrobes had been used, and the mini-bar glasses.”

Chippy was quietly seething at this invasion of her privacy.

“Shortly after the second person left the hotel room, a young member matching your description was observed by a security bot, walking in a state of some distress to the block where your palace used to be."

“It’s outrageous, you spying on me like that.”

“I know what it looks like, and I apologise deeply for upsetting you. But in fact nearly all these points I have brought up were discovered in the last couple of days, by deep diving into the databases.

“The only thing I knew at the time was that you were walking and weeping in the channels that morning. It was flagged to me as a possible result of a crime, but I did not judge it so, and I did nothing. No complaints were ever made, and I forgot about it until the need for a Plan B arose.”

“Prove it!”

The memory of that morning was still a scar on Chippy’s heart. She had fallen for Mike, they had made love, and the next morning he had gone, possibly to his death.

“What would you accept as proof, Princess Onecornchippy?”

She had to think about that for a minute.

“Show me the logs of your searches.”

Kou brought them up on her computer. Chippy looked closely for timestamps and other information which might deny the truth of what Kou had told her. She found nothing.

“Alright. I accept the truth of what you said. I’m not apologising for being angry, though.”

“You have every right to be aggrieved, Princess Onecornchippy. The searches I have done are in my own opinion immoral. I only convinced myself to run them because of higher ethical considerations. I felt that summoning Lt. Mike, with his helicopter and crew, would be the best way to rescue our members from the Kappa, if it proved necessary.”

Kou stood, and bowed deeply to the Princess. She held the bow.

“Please accept my most heartfelt apologies.”

The Princess looked at her for a long moment.

“Okay Kou, I accept your apologies. I’m still sore, though.”

Chippy was smol and feisty. There was a lot of spirit in her.

“Thank you, thank you!”

Kou sat down and summoned a bot to bring refreshments. They took coffee and English digestive biscuits.


TO BE CONTINUED...

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

*1 Lieutenant Mike Comulada appeared in The Frog Princess in Love.

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.18


Kou dunked a digestive and nibbled it before she went on.

“Recently I remembered the points which first had interested me about Lt. Mike. They led me to make further investigations, which in turn led to the discoveries I have outlined to you. I came to believe there is a strong emotional connection between you and him.”

“Maybe I hate him.”

“Maybe you are conflicted. It is possible to hate and love someone at the same time. At any rate, either emotion helps to forge a spiritual resonance which can be used for my purposes.”

“What if I don’t want to help.”

“I will not force you. I only appeal to your sense of loyalty and concern for your friends, and for The Server as a whole.”

Onecornchippy remembered how she had promised Moon to help the expedition any way she could. She made up her mind to go along with Kou’s plan, even if her heart were to be scarred anew. Her eyes pricked with tears.

“I’ll do it, as well as I can. I don’t know how I will feel, seeing him again.”

“You will not have to meet him, unless you want to. You can decide that when the procedure is completed successfully.”

“What’s involved and when will we do it?”

“I am in radio contact with Tsuchimursu. We have to wait until we get word from him that the expedition needs rescue from the air. If we summon Lt. Mike too soon, he may have to leave The Server again before he can accomplish the retrieval.

“I don’t expect anything to happen until the boats get well into the watery south, which will be the day after tomorrow. Therefore, if it is necessary, I would think we will do it sometime in the afternoon or evening of that day.

“We will run the summoning program at the helipad on your old palace’s building. You’ve still got emotional resonance there, because it was where you lived when you met him. Also, it’s one of the best places in The Server to land a large helicopter.”

“How long will it take?”

“Up to 30 minutes. It will take another 15 minutes for Lt Mike to fly down to the watery south. Then he must locate them. The expedition has radio beacons and flares to summon help.”

“Is there anything I need to bring?”

“It would help if you wore the same clothes you had on when you were with him.”

“Okay.”

Chippy wasn’t sure if she still had any warm feelings for Mike, or if she hated him for leaving her. Either way, would he want the romance between them to be rekindled? Maybe he had met a girl while he was away.

She wanted to know that he was safe, though. Her vision had shown his ship hit by flak and starting to go down. Even though she warned him, he went back to the war. He had run away from her for reasons of duty.

Lt. Mike was a kuudere search and rescue pilot. He gave up love and left The Server to help people in distress. Now he would return to The Server to help members in distress. Maybe he would find love again.

…

The expedition moored on the right bank and prepared for the night.

Yancy showed the crews how to put up the camping hoops, and stretch the canvas over them. This turned the boats into long floating tents, which would be warmer than sleeping in the open.

They cooked their dinner. This wasn’t very exciting. All they had to do was filter and purify river water and pour it into the pouches of dehydrated food. The heating was done by pouring more water into the self-heating part of the ration pack.

Chanmi did her best, but it was hardly cooking. Soon everyone had a hot meal of sorts inside them, tasty enough, but lacking the soul and love that a real cooked meal would provide.

More water was boiled to make tea, coffee, and cocoa.

Tsuchimursu set up the watches. One member from each boat at the same time, for two hours. Everyone else tried to get what rest they could.

It happened that Yancy and VioletMist shared the midnight watch

“Hey, Yancy, you and Blaise, is there something between you?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“I see how you look at her sometimes.”

“She rescued me from a burning building. Not me exactly, it was a different aspect of me… That aspect liked being rescued by her.”

“Who wouldn’t like to be rescued from a fire?”

“It was the way she did it. And her hair.”

“What about it, then, Frog Prince Yancy? Is there something going on?”

“What about you, VioletMist. Is there something going on around you and Blaise?

“That’s for me to know and you to find out, ha ha.”

“Nothing’s going to happen on this boat trip. Just keep your mind on the job in hand.”

Blaise poked her head out of the tent. She shushed them.

"People are trying to sleep, you know."

Yancy and VioletMist took their discussion farther away from the boats.

“Hey, Yancy, what if I can help you get close to Blaise?”

“I think I can manage by myself, thank you.”

“...”

“Anyway, I said nothing’s going to happen. I’m only looking at Blaise to check her technique with the sculls. I look at all the members, bois and girls.”

“Yeah, right.”

“There’s no way you’re going to see me and Blaise in a clinch, however much you might like it, while we’re on this job.”

VioletMist made a moue.

“Bet you 100 coins.”

“What? That’s a stupid bet. Alright, you’re on. 100 coins says you won’t see me in a clinch with Blaise until after we get back home.”

“Ha ha!”

“If you like you can ask Tsuchimursu to swap your place with Blaise.”

“Why would I do that and get you and Blaise apart?”

Yancy looked for the Moon. It was three quarters full. He had always loved the Moon, but various events had made him ambivalent about her. He sighed and checked his wristwatch.

“Come on, it’s the end of our turn. Let’s wake up Moon and Nymphi and get our heads down. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

They went back to the boats.

…

The next morning everyone was subdued except Tsuchimursu. He loved the great outdoors and had enjoyed sleeping in a boat tent for the first time.

Yancy was in pretty good condition. While he was still bruised all over, he was more used to the work than the others, and also he had his prescription painkillers to help him.

Blaise and VioletMist started the generators to replenish the battery packs. Chanmi and Janjan helped make breakfast, while Nymphi gave head pats to anyone who wanted them.

Yancy looked at the river. The current had increased overnight, no doubt due to rain in the north. He marked off a rough length using the two punts, threw a stick in and timed its speed.

“I’d say that’s about 3 knots of stream, Tsuchimursu.”

“What is a knot? Obviously you do not mean a way of tying rope.”

“A nautical mile.”

“What is a nautical mile?”

“Two thousand yards,”

“What is a yard?”

“A bit less than a metre. 2,000 yards is about 1,800 metres. A 3 knot current is flowing at about 5.5 kilometres an hour. We will be moving that fast while sitting still. If we use the trolling motors as well as the sculls, we might make a good 8 to 9 knots. That would get us down into the watery south in the early afternoon.”

“That would be good. We can camp in daylight and move into the watery south early tomorrow. How quickly will you be able to mobilise your frogs?”

“I can’t tell until we get there.”

“Yes. Let us go.”

Tsuchimursu pushed the crews hard that day, promising them an early finish and a long night’s rest if the expedition could reach the entrance to the watery south.

Yancy had done long rows before. He knew you had to pace yourself. The object was endurance, not speed.

He made Tsuchimursu take Saimaa astern, while he stroked the Noora and set a rate which he knew could be kept up for hours by a young, fit crew.

In each boat three crew sculled, while one rested and prepared drinks and snacks for the working members. The resting member swapped with a sculler every half hour, so no-one had to work continuously for more than 90 minutes. Even the very smol Fairy Imp took her time at the blades.

The sheepskin cushions worked their magic. It was the oarsmen of ancient Greece and Phoenicia who discovered the special power of sheepskin to defend tender buttocks from chafing. A piece of wisdom that was true 3,000 years ago and is still true now.

Tsuchimursu allowed a short lunch break when the girls refused to follow his suggestion of relieving themselves over the side while the boats kept moving.

“It’s disgusting,” grumbled Chanmi. “The river will be full of nasty wee.”

“Chanmi, where do you think fishes do their business?”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that.”

The stop for comfort was a good idea. As Yancy had expected, the girls were much happier being able to find some kind of privacy behind bushes.

He remembered the Boston Marathon, where hardcore crews simply peed themselves in their seats, to avoid unnecessary stops, and had to remember not to loft the boat over their heads when they portaged around a lock. Great times!

The pace slackened a bit during the afternoon. Even so, by half past two they reached the backwaters which led off the main river into the region of marsh and lakes where they expected to find the Kappa.

Tsuchimursu ordered them to moor on the right bank. It would provide a small amount of defence against swimming creatures.

They set up the camping hoops, prepared for dinner, and settled down for the evening. It was dark by late afternoon.

This far out in The Server, there were no artificial lights to obscure the stars.

Yancy lay on a groundsheet and hypnotised himself with the Milky Way. He had lived most of his life in London and Tokyo. The Goddess-given beauty of the night sky was a special treat remembered from summer holidays in the countryside.

“What’s Mr Yancy up to, Ms Moon?”

“He’s in a brown study. He often does it. Don’t worry, Janjan, he’ll snap out quick enough if something happens.”

Yancy let his mind drift. He felt connected to The Server. He reached out to his frog friends…

There were only a few dozen nearby, along the river bank. He sensed a greater number in the south, where the marshy terrain provided a better habitat. Those frogs were too far away to contact. For an experiment, he requested the nearby frogs to sing.

“What’s that noise?”

“It is only a frog, VioletMist. There must be many of them round here, hora.”

“There’s another... And another one. Loads of them.”

“It is a frog chorus. They are singing for love, hora! It is the wrong time of the year, though. Why are they singing now?”

The Fairy Imp looked at Yancy. He seemed to be in a waking dream.

The evening was filled with a rattling chorus of froggy voices. Yancy enjoyed the concert for five minutes, then he thanked the frogs and asked them to relax and be quiet. The chorus died away gradually, as it had begun.

When he sat up the rest of the team were staring at him.

“Was that you, Yancy?”

“Well, yes, I suppose it was, Nymphi, in some kind of way.”

“Some talent.”

“Frogs are our friends. I wish there were more of them in the civilised channels.”

Tsuchimursu clapped his hands for attention.

“Shipmates! Tomorrow we enter the realm of the Kappa. Yancy’s froggy friends will guide us to the Kappa village, and we will observe them and complete the mission. For now, we shall have a merry dinner. It will be an early start tomorrow.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.19


It was an early start. Tsuchimursu wanted to get into the backwaters with maximum daylight to explore. They crossed the river, and moved into the narrow branching streams and small lakes of the watery south.

There was almost no current. As they advanced, the trees and undergrowth began to crowd in. Lines of sight were restricted. Yancy ordered the sculling blades to be changed for the canoe paddles. He and Tsuchimursu conned their boats from the stern, using a punt pole to push and steer.

The air compressors were run continuously from the batteries, in case of an ambush. They ran the generators only when needed to top up the battery packs.

Yancy cast his mind forth, seeking contact with the local population of frogs. There were so many of them! He asked for news of disturbances.

The expedition was the most obvious one. It alarmed the nearest frogs, and the signal rippled out like when you throw a stone into a pond.

The froggy bois ground their teeth. Yancy soothed them with kind thoughts. They settled down as they came to realise that the two punts held only friends of frogs.

There was another knot of anxiety in the far distance. That had to be where the Kappa had made their village. Yancy directed the punts to close in.

The convoy crept along the narrow ditch-like streams, and through wider lakes. The trees and undergrowth were dense, screening off a lot of the sunlight. The whole terrain was a maze.

“Yura-chan, this is just what it looked like in my nightmare.”

“Soon we may see some Kappa, hora! I hope they will not scare you so much this time.”

“I won’t be afraid. I’ve got friends here now.”

Yancy sensed a mass of agitated frogs in the near distance. He hailed Saimaa.

“Tsuchimursu, we are getting close. We should look for somewhere defensible to moor up and get some food, before you start the operation. Ideally it should be somewhere with no trees overhead.”

“What’s this operation, Yancy?”

“It’s a plan Tsuchimmursu and Kou cooked up. You’ll find out soon.”

They came to a small island with a good slope to the top, and only a couple of small trees on it. They moored the punts.

Tsuchimursu ordered lunch. Afterwards, he stood up to make a speech.

“Shipmates, I thank all of you for your effort so far. Please keep strong, because we are now going to do the most difficult part of this expedition. I am going to allow myself to be captured by the Kappa. Afterwards you will rescue me.”

“What?” “You’re mad… we’re not supposed to fight them.” “How can he escape? There could be dozens of them?” “I didn’t come down here to start a battle.”

“Yancy, you can explain it best.”

Yancy stood up next to Tsuchimursu and faced the members.

“Okay everyone, you’ve heard of James Bond?”

Everyone had, of course.

“Right. So you know there’s a point in every James Bond film when he gets captured by the enemy. They can’t resist showing off their scheme. Then when he knows their secrets, James Bond escapes using a combination of some hidden power, like a gadget, and help from outside. And then he blows up everything, but we’re not going to do that.”

Janjan put his hand up.

“Um, Mr Yancy, James Bond is just fiction, right?”

“Yes, of course it is. But narratives matter. We understand the world by telling stories about it.”

“I don’t see how that helps.”

“I’ll explain it a different way. Tsuchimursu is going to go off with a load of cucumbers. He’ll move around until he gets captured by the Kappa. They will want to know where they can get more cucumbers. They will take him to their village, and he will observe their numbers and so on.”

“Okay, but how do we get him back?”

The Fairy Imp Yura stood up, looking like a smol child beside Tsuchimursu and Yancy.

“There are two things, hora! The first is that Tsuchimursu has the ability to assume an avatar. Not many people know of it, but it is powerful, hora!

“The second is that we will distract the Kappa, so that Tsuchimursa can assume his avatar and escape. We will do it with an army of frogs, hora!”

“An army of frogs? There’s no such thing.”

That stung Yancy.

“Google it, VioletMist. You’ll find that the collective name for a group of frogs is an army.”

It was true. And frogs had teeth. They could deliver a nip if they wanted to.

“Okay, how’s this frog army going to get into the Kappa village?”

“I shall set up my magic portal, and Yancy will influence the army of frogs to jump through it. The frogs will attack the Kappa by surprise, hora, and distract them. Tsuchimursu will assume his avatar and escape.”

“Well, who is the Bond Girl? There has to be a Bond Girl.”

Yancy hesitated. They hadn’t covered that in the planning.

“That will be me, hora! Because Tsuchimursu’s favourite colour is green.”

The Fairy Imp was wearing her green leather catsuit and looked badass and sexy in it, as long as you liked very smol girls.

“Well. That’s all great but how are we going to get away from here in our punts, being chased by Kappa?”

“There’s a Plan B. Mistress Kou will send help.”

It didn’t down well with the junior members. Moon stood up. She didn’t know the plan, but she believed in it anyway.

“Hey everyone! I’ve been partners with Yancy for a long time. We’ve got into a lot of bad situations, and we’ve always come out alright.

“That’s not because Yancy’s a hero. He’s actually kind of an idiot sometimes. He’s scared of heights. He set fire to his own home making tea. He got beaten up by a telephone. His totem animal is a frog, not a lion or a dragon or something cool, like maybe alligators.”

<Hey! Frogs are our friends!>

“But that doesn’t matter! We always succeed because we work with our friends, and we work as a team.”

“So I’m standing with Yancy now. If you lot want to bail out that’s fine. Get going. I’ll see you back in the channels and laugh at you for wimps.”

Tsuchimursu and the Fairy Imp were already on board with things. They stood silently with Moon and Yancy.

Janjan got up and went to stand with Moon.

“I’m your Kuudere Sidekick, Ms Moon. I’m staying.”

He racked the slide on his unloaded shotgun for emphasis.

Nymphi went to stand with Yancy. She held his hand. They didn’t need words.

Chanmi went to stand with Yancy and Tsuchimursu.

“You both helped me at Cowley Court, without asking for any reward. I’m sticking with you now.”

That left the two firegirls. They looked at each other. Blaise spoke for both of them.

“We’re Fire AND Rescue. We're in.”

“Copacetic.”

Tsuchimursu spoke again.

“I thank you all for your confidence. I will prepare to go. Yancy is in charge while I am gone. He knows the plan. He is very tactical. Listen to him.”

Tsuchimursu got a radio, a ration pack, and a bottle of filtered water. He took a big sack of cucumbers and hefted it easily. He nodded to them all, and strode off into the watery terrain.

“Alright. Our job now is to do castrametation.”

“What?”

“That means we’re going to get this island ready to defend. Get all the machinery off the punts and put it at the top of the island. I’ll show you how to position it.

“Yes, Yancy!”

“Get the spare food and the other kit and bring it up there too.”

The members swung into action, glad to have a purpose and clear instructions.

Yancy started to disassemble the punts into pieces which could be used as obstacles. They were each made of four sections bolted together under the thwarts.

He got a defence wall set up, using the eight pieces of punt, with the machinery and supplies behind it.

“Ms Yura, is it going to be okay to put your magic portal outside, like about here?”

“Yancy-kun, would it not be better to protect the portal inside the wall, hora?”

“Well, the thing is, I’m going to summon as many frogs as I can to go through it, and I can’t control them exactly. The ones that miss could be swarming all over the camp.”

“Hmm. I see the difficulty. Let us set it up here, where the froggies who do not go through will be likely to go back down to the water. We can move it afterwards.”

Once things were organised, Yancy gave a pep talk and explained the basic tactics if it came to a fight.

“Here is the sequence of action. I helped Kou and Tsuchimursu work this out two days ago.

“When Tsuchumursu radios to tell us the Kappa have found him, I will start to summon frogs here.

“The Fairy Imp will use her magic portal to zero in on Tsuchimursu. Once the portal shows he has stopped moving, we assume he is in the Kappa Village.

“We call Kou on the radio to start Plan B, and we’ll wait 15 minutes and send our army of frogs through the portal.

“Then it’s up to Tsuchumursu to use his avatar to escape. We have to wait for him and for Kou’s Plan B to reach us.

“That is the danger period, because the Kappa will chase Tsuchimursu back here.

“We’re going to defend from behind our wall until Kou’s Plan B arrives.

“The waiting part is going to be boring, tense and nervous all at the same time. So I want everyone to get head pats from Nymphi, and plenty of food and drink.

“Once the Kappa get here, we have to stall them or face them down, and avoid a fight.

“If we have to fight, though, we’ll win. The Kappa can only wrestle us, so they will be channeled into the gaps in the wall, and we’ll be able to hit them with concentrated attacks.

“We’ve got airblasts and shotguns and magic ammo, and the help of the Fairy Imp. The poor Kappa bois won’t stand a chance.

“But we don’t want to fight. We’re not stone killers. We’re going to get everyone home safe without hurting any of the Kappa, as much as possible.”

“We haven’t got any boats now, Yancy. How are we going to get out of here?”

“Blaise, we’re going to fly.”

…

Tsuchimursu slogged his way through the mud and water towards the Kappa village. Once he got a reasonable distance away from the others he stopped trying to be quiet. The whole point was to be discovered and captured by the Kappa.

It didn’t take long. He noticed one of them following him, and then two more popped up in front. He raised his hands to show he was not carrying any weapons, and smiled. Then he got out his radio.

“Yancy, I have made contact. I do not know if I will be able to use the radio again.”

“Roger that, Tsuchimursu. The best of British luck to you!”

Tsuchimursu held his hands out in greeting. One of the Kappa said something in Japanese.

Like many members of The Server, Tsuchimursu could recognise the sound of Japanese, because he watched a lot of anime. But he only knew a few words. He tried to use a greeting now.

…

Yancy checked the arrangements of the little camp, then settled down to commune with his froggy friends.

At first a few, then gradually more and more frogs began to climb out of the surrounding waters, and arrange themselves in groups and heaps around Yancy. They waited placidly for another suggestion.

“Yancy-kun, hora! I have my portal locked onto Tsuchimursu. He is not moving. As far as I can see, he is tied to a tree. Shall we send in the frogs?”

“Good work, Ms Yura! I need to call Kou, and then we’ll wait 15 minutes before we send in the frogs.”

He radioed Kou.

“Mistress Kou, it’s time.”

TO BE CONTINUED...

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.20


Kou signed off from her radio call with Yancy and immediately rang the Princess.

“Princess Onecornchippy, are you ready? It’s time. I’m sending a car to take you directly to the helipad.”

Chippy had been nervously expecting the summons for several hours. She was already dressed in her dark blue cocktail dress, the one she had worn at the tea dance back in the summer. Now she put on a stylish camel brown autumn coat and a big floppy brown beret, picked up the rest of her accessories, and went down to ground level.

The car was there within five minutes to whisk the Princess to her old home. Kou was waiting for her, with two bots carrying equipment, and Scarlet the Mod, who had significant spiritual power. They went up to the helipad.

The bots set up two folding lecterns. Kou put her computer on one of them, and the silver rank insignia on the other one.

“Princess, please stand at the lectern and hold the insignia. All you have to do is concentrate on your memories of Lt Mike. I will run the program.”

She typed a few commands into the laptop, and nodded at Chippy and Scarlet.

Chippy had hardly stopped thinking of Mike since Kou had broached this plan to her. Her emotions were in turmoil. She didn’t know if she hated Mike for walking out on her, or loved him. Either way, she wanted to see him again, and find out the truth of her feelings.

They waited.

There was a distant whine of engines, and the heavy whipping of a big rotor. They saw a shadow against the darkening sky, picked out with blinking navigation lights.

The thudding sound got closer and louder, louder, louder and louder still, until Scarlet, Kou and Chippy were hunkered down, their hands held hard over their ears, as the waves of noise and pressure beat at them.

The largest helicopter Chippy had ever seen swung into the lights of the landing pad. It was painted a mottled camouflage pattern of olive drab green, tan brown, and pale stone grey, with discrete lo-vis markings.

Splashed across the nose was a bright decal of a sexy pin-up girl. A blue-eyed blonde, busty and leggy, she wore a short, tight nurse costume, and had angel wings. Her hand was held out towards them. There was a slogan, “Life From Above”.

“Tchoh! Bois.”

The main doors and the rear cargo ramp were all open. They could see crew inside them.

The big aircraft settled on the helipad, and the engines wound down to an idle, but never stopped. The noise and whipping of the wind abated.

A boi ran down the ramp at the rear and came towards the three waiting figures. His face was Japanese looking. His olive drab nomex flight suit had the name Kubota on the chest. He looked at Kou.

“Ma’am, is there a passenger to pick up?”

Kou looked at Chippy. She steeled her nerve, and looked at the air force boi.

“I’m the passenger. My name’s Onecornchippy”

“I’m Kubota. Follow me, please, Miss Onecornchippy.”

Kubota led her to the ramp and they went up into the big chopper. He gave Chippy a safety harness, which clipped to the frame of the helo by a strong nylon strap.

“That’s to stop you falling out, Miss. Here’s a helmet. You can plug this into the intercom and hear what’s happening, but please don’t say anything unless you’re asked to.”

“I understand, er... Mr Kubota.”

“You can call me Charlie. That’s not my name, but the rear gunner is always called Charlie. Do you want to see outside during the ride?”

“Yes please, Charlie.”

He showed a place Chippy could sit, near his gun, which poked its barrels out over the edge of the rear ramp. He plugged both of them into the intercom. He took his position lying behind the big gun, and gave her a thumbs up.

“Charlie to El Tee, passenger secure.”

A familiar voice crackled over the intercom.

“Is that you, Chippy?”

The engines wound up to speed and the chopper began to lift off.

“Yes. Mike. It’s me.”

“Chippy… We’ll talk later. There’s a mission to fly. Stick with Charlie. He’ll look after you.”

The big helicopter turned, climbing to cruising altitude, and headed due south. The lights of The Server streamed away underneath. Chippy saw her old home, brightly lit, fall into their wake. The tiny figures of Kou and Scarlet were waving.

The neon washed Great Casino, the Scarlet Cathedral, then the dark area of The Deep, all flashed past and faded from view. Chippy estimated their speed was over 100 miles an hour, and still increasing. The noise was incredible but her helmet defended her.

Soon they were out over the dark, open countryside of unformed channels. The intercom crackled.

“Pilot to crew. Test your guns.”

Charlie gave Chippy a big smile and a thumbs up. He clicked a switch on his gun.

The weapon whirred into life, its multiple barrels spinning up to a blur. He took the handles and gave a waggle to check the mount was free.

“Woohoo!”

Charlie held down the big thumb trigger.

A bright line of tracers sprang out. The gun fired so fast it threw something more like a laser beam than a stream of individual bullets.

The noise was like a drill, or a huge blender. Shrill whining, and a sound like Goddess fiercely ripping an endless piece of cloth.

Spent cartridges clattered and heaped into a large bin.

Charlie stopped firing and reported, “Rear gun A OK." He switched the gun off.

Chippy turned to look around the rest of the cargo bay. There were rows of seats with harnesses and ear defenders clipped to them. Other pieces of equipment and boxes, all locked to the floor in case of violent manoeuvres. More ropes and harnesses were hung from the roof.

The two side doors each had a smaller, single barrel gun on a pole mount, with a boi standing behind it.

They were firing now. Their guns shot slower, with a heavy beating sound. The tracers flew out like chains of fireflies, as she had envisioned the flak attacking Mike, months ago. But this was defensive fire. They would only shoot if they were shot at.

The door gunners reported their guns were working.

“Guns to safe. No firing without my orders.”

Kubota patted his gun gently, it was a caress.

"7.62mm mini-gun. She fires 100 rounds a second at top rate.”

“Have you ever killed anyone with her, Charlie?”

“I don’t know, Miss Onecornchippy. I just shoot at where there are people shooting up at me. They usually stop shooting once I lay the pee down on them.”

The helicopter flew on through the darkening sky, straight towards the watery south.

…

Tsuchimursu was roughly nudged and guided by the Kappa to their rude village, which consisted of half a dozen reed shacks in two rows, on an island surrounded by water and marsh.

They soon realised he could not speak much Japanese, so they left him alone. They took away his sack of cucumbers and tied him with his hands around a tree.

The Kappa opened the bag and started to hand out the cucumbers excitedly. Each Kappa took one, and they settled down to a cucumber feast.

They were so engrossed they did not notice a surprisingly large number of frogs had gathered on the edge of their village.

Suddenly the frogs surged forwards towards the pile of vegetable booty. Startled, the Kappa jumped up and ran around in confusion. The frogs began to bite and drag off the cucumbers.

The Kapp leapt to protect their precious swag, picking up frogs and throwing them out of the village, or kicking them away. Enraged, the frogs began to bite the Kappa, whose fingers and toes were just as tender as a human’s.

There were too many of the froggy bois. The Kappa ran off carrying as many cucumbers as they could save, leaving Tsuchimursu tied to the tree, in the middle of a seething carpet of angry frogs.

He decided it was time to summon his avatar. His current position, hugging a tree, was ideal for the purpose. Tsuchimursu had been called a nature boi for his love of the great outdoors. Now he channeled the power of nature.

Tsuchimursu's body began to grow larger. His skin turned dark green. His hair turned into leaves, and his beard and body hair grew out also as foliage. He became the Green Boi, a powerful spirit of wild nature and fertility.

The Green Tsuchimursu ripped the Kappa’s twisted vine ropes easily, and picked his way carefully through the carpet of frogs, to avoid stepping on any. Once he got to the edge of the village he turned towards the expedition camp and began to run, easily twisting his way through the trees, relishing the splash of water and mud.

Behind him, the Kappa followed.

…

The moon had risen. It cast an eerie light over the island. The members were bored and apprehensive. The Fairy Imp was busy disassembling and packing her magic portal. Everyone else waited, with nothing to do.

“Chanmi, can I help you with coffee and stuff?”

“Thanks, Yancy. You filter the water and I’ll boil it.

The radio crackled and beeped.

“Sorry! Hang on… Yancy here. Kou? Okay. Got it. I’m activating the beacon now”

He flipped up a cover on the radio and mashed the button underneath twice. A telltale lit up, hopefully confirming that the homing beacon was active.

"The chopper's on its way. 10 to 15 minutes out, maybe. When you hear them, light up your flares."

There was a disturbance in the undergrowth. A huge figure emerged, seven feet tall and dark green, with foliage covering much of its head and body. The Fairy Imp called out a greeting.

“The Green Boi, hora! How sweet a meeting this is.”

She flew over to the apparition and settled down to perch on its shoulder.

“Who or what is that, Yancy?”

“I don’t know, Nymphi. But if it’s a friend of the Fairy Imp, it’s probably a friend of us too.”


The Green Boi advanced up the slope. When he got closer, they could see Tsuchimursu’s face among the clustering leaves.

“Tsuchimursu, is that your avatar?”

“Yes. Tsuchimursu is one with nature. But there is no time to discuss this. The Kappa are following me. You must prepare to defend.”

The Kappa began to emerge from the dark waters.

Yancy and his companions stood their ground at the top of the island. The Kappa were standing in the water in loose groups, watching, and discussing among themselves. There were about two dozen of them.

VioletMist started the generators. Blaise held her air jet ready. Moon and Janjan loaded their shotguns. Nymphi and Chanmi brandished their rounders bats. Overhead, the Fairy Imp circled, flickers of mana marking her passage. Green Tsuchimursu cracked his knuckles.

Yancy was on the radio.

“Yes, Kou. We’ve got no way out without a big fight. The beacon’s on. I’m going to stall for time.”

The Kappa were talking to each other. Yancy tried to hear their words. He walked down the hill a bit to get away from the generators. Even though they were a silenced model, the Kappa were speaking in ordinary voices and he could not hear them clearly

The Kappa stopped talking and looked at him.

Yancy bowed deeply. The Kappa bowed back, but not so much as to spill their head bowls.

He summoned his most polite business Japanese, drilled into him during evening classes in Tokyo for his IRL sarariman job. He spoke slowly and clearly, in a louder than normal voice, so the members behind him could hear..

“My name is Yancy, servant of Mistress Kou, ruler of The Server. I am pleased to meet you for the first time.”

One Kappa stood forward to answer him.

"What's he saying, Nymphi?"

Out of all of them only Nymphi had much Japanese. She had started to learn it for her job at Kafé Kauda Kai.

“They are exchanging formal greetings. They are asking why we came here. He says to talk to them. They are asking if he will return home. No. Sorry. They are asking about frogs.”

“How’s that, Nymphi?”

“The word for frog is ‘kaeru’ which is the same sound as the verb for return home. Shut up, Chanmi, I need to concentrate.”

“Soz!”

“He’s saying he is the prince of frogs. They don’t like that. Frogs stole their cucumbers, they say.

"He's saying they must have angered the frogs. Frogs are kind and gentle creatures. But don't worry, we have more cucumbers we can give them.

"They say they can take our cucumbers, and our girls!

“Yancy says they will anger the above, the powers. I mean like gods, if they attack strangers.

The Kappa were laughing in a kekeke kind of way. It was creepy.

“Yancy says our priestess will summon the goddess from above!”

“Who the feth’s our priestess?”

Yancy turned, and beckoned to Chanmi.


TO BE CONTINUED…

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.21


Yancy turned and looked at Chanmi. He beckoned her forward. Chanmi advanced hesitantly.

“Chanmi, now’s your chance to shine. You’re going to be our priestess. You’ll summon the goddess from the sky.”

“What? How am I going to do that, Yancy?”

“Sing and dance.”

“What shall I sing?”

“It doesn’t matter. Anything you like, as long as you can dance at the same time. The Kappa won’t understand what you’re singing. Choose something repetitive. You only need a couple of dance moves. Make it something where you reach up to the sky.”

Chanmi thought for a minute. Then she started to sing in a clear soprano voice:

Trying to catch your heart is like
Trying to catch your heart is like
Trying to catch your heart is like
Trying to catch your heart is like

Trying to catch your heart is like
Trying to catch your heart is like
Trying to catch your heart is like
Trying to catch your heart is like

Waiting for a star to fall,
Waiting for a star to fall,

And carry your heart into my arms baby

That’s where you belong,
In my arms baby, yeah! *1

Chanmi sang the song twice, and danced a simple, rhythmical dance, using her arms and hips. She based it on the Caramelldansen, throwing her arms high, as if appealing to the heavens, alternating with the Floss.

The Kappa waited and watched. They seemed impressed.

When Chanmi finished her performance, everyone could hear something in the sky, shrill whining, and a deeper beat.

A dark blob coming from the east, silhouetted against the rising moon. It was studded with strobing lights. Music began to ring out, and a powerful female voice, a response to the priestess's summons...

…

“Pilot to crew. We’ve triangulating on their beacon. Time to bring the noise.”

The right door gunner went to a big reel-to-reel quarter-inch tape deck and switched it on. A powerful anthem blasted from huge tannoy speakers mounted on the sponsons of the helicopter...

Rescue me
Take me in your arms

Rescue me
I want your tender charms

Cause I'm lonely
And I'm blue

I need you
And your love too

Come on and rescue me
Come on, baby, and rescue me

Come on, baby, and rescue me
Cause I need you by my side

Can't you see that I'm lonely
Rescue me *2

Charlie looked at Onecornchippy.

“That’s what we send to the people we’re coming to rescue, so they know we’re getting close.”

“Pilot to crew, guns free for flak suppression.”

…

“Blaise, Yancy said to pop the flares when we heard the helicopter. Let’s do it.”

VioletMist and Blaise started to light off their coloured flares and threw them out of the circle of the wooden walls of their little fort. The others joined in.

The Kappa were alarmed and drew back, then they got angry, thinking it was an aggressive move, and surged forwards. Yancy grabbed Chanmi’s hand and ran up the hill as fast as he could.

There was a sudden blaze of light in the sky.

The Kappa stopped to look up, A searing flood beam lanced out, pinning everyone down like bugs. The noise grew, and grew and grew, and grew more, a mixture of shrill jets, thudding beats, and the song of a goddess.

A huge helicopter appeared over the island. There were bright lines of fireworks or flames coming from the two sides and the rear of it. Defensive fire, Yancy guessed.

The sound was beyond incredible. It was a sonic attack, a heavy physical pressure, as if Goddess was annoyed with you and let you know it by rapidly and continuously batting your head with both hands.

Everyone cowered down, even the angry Kappa. The pressure waves beat at their heads, pushing and blasting the water from their head bowls, until all of them found their power drained.

The Kappa turned and ran quickly to the water, swimming away as fast as they could, to escape the wrath of the blue-eyed, winged goddess riding her fiery chariot.



The guns stopped firing, and the chopper held its position over the island.

The hoist was deployed. An airboi descended on the line.

“My name’s Hardee. Who’s in charge here?”

The Green Boi pointed at Yancy.

“Sir, any casualties?”

“No.”

“How many total passengers?”

“Nine.”

“No, seven,” said the Green Boi. “The Fairy Imp and I can walk home from here.”

“It is fine, Yancy-kun, hora! We will enjoy each other’s company.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

The Green Tsuchimursu picked up the bag with the magic portal, and strode off with the Fairy Imp on his shoulder. They waved farewell, Yura blew magic kisses, and they disappeared into the trees and darkness.

“It’s seven of us then, Sergeant Hardee.”

“Gotcha. We need to get moving, so I’ll take the first one now. Who’s it going to be?”

Everyone pushed Chanmi forwards, as she was the smollest. Hardee put a sling around her, and signalled to the winchman above. The hoist wound in and the two of them rose smoothly into the air.

Yancy watched them go up, and something clicked in his head. His irrational fear of heights was triggered by the wind, the lights, and the sight of the wire stretching up into the sky. His mind inverted the view, so he was looking down at a gulf. He stepped aside and sat down behind a section of punt.

Chanmi was handed into the cargo bay by another airboi called Murphy. He sat her in a jump seat and gave her some headphones. She strapped herself in.

Looking around, Chanmi saw the Princess Onecornchippy sitting near a third airboi who was lying down behind a big gun on the rear ramp. She waved and Chippy gave a thumbs up sign.

The recovery proceeded smoothly. It took only about a minute to raise each crewmember up to the hovering aircraft. Blaise was the last, then Hardee descended for Yancy. He found him hiding inside a punt section.

“TIme to go, sir.”

“Um, sergeant. Sorry but I don’t think I want to go.”

“Sir, you’re got to go! We can’t hover for ever!”

“No, I can’t go. It’s okay, I’ll walk out. I’ll be fine.”

Hardee looked at him dumbfounded.

“Seriously, I can’t do it, Sergeant.”

“Wait here, sir.”

The rescue boi was hoisted back into the chopper. He conferred with the rest of the crew.

“We can’t leave him. Shall we shoot him up with Thorazine and put him in an anti-thrash jacket?”

Chippy was listening on the intercom. She broke in.

“It’s his irrational fear of heights. He can’t stand the idea of being carried up so high.”

“What shall we do, Miss?”

“Send down someone he trusts, who can persuade him.”

VioletMist was listening on her headphones. All the rescued crew had been given them, but no microphones. She pushed Blaise forward. Blaise shouted at the airboi.

“I’ll go. I’m trained for rescue operations. I carried him once before, in a similar situation.”

“Okay miss.”

They put Blaise into the harness and let her down, like a spider on a thread.

“Hi Yancy.”

“Hi Blaise.”

“You’re coming with me, whether you like it or not. And you will like it! So hang on to me, Yancy.”

"If I don’t, you’ll just grab me anyway, won’t you?”

She nodded, and wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. The fear abated slightly.

“You’re going to be alright, Yancy.”

She strapped the rescue sling around him,

She held his head into the crook of her neck, as if he was a child who needed comforting. He inhaled her scent, a mixture of damp cloth, wet wipes, and perspiring girl.

The hoist whirred and they began to ascend. As he felt his feet lose the safety of the earth, Yancy whimpered. He lifted his legs and wrapped them tight around Blaise.

The ascent took only 20 seconds but it seemed to Yancy like forever.

At the door of the helicopter, careful arms welcomed them and gathered Yancy safely into the cabin, unwrapping him from his tight hug on Blaise.

Released from the rescue line, he lay face down and clutched at the floor desperately. The wide hatches on three sides, with the void beyond them, plucked at his mind. The wind howled, trying to suck him over the edge. Someone put ear defenders on him, which helped a bit.

Yancy rolled over and lay on his back. He blinked, and stared at the roof of the chopper, to not see the doors. He was breathing rapidly in a panic attack.

Someone lay down on top of him. It was the winchman. He was on a safety line, and wanted to make sure Yancy didn’t roll around, as he wasn’t properly secured.

The intercom clicked.

“Pilot to passengers, welcome on board. We’re heading home now. We’ll have you safely landed in less than 30 minutes.”

The helo nosed down and transitioned into forward flight. It turned north and headed back to the centre of The Server.

Lt Mike concentrated on flying smoothly because he had a load of civilians in the hold. He ordered the guns to be made safe, and looked for the course his co-pilot was feeding him, to home on the navigation beacon of the helipad.

After 20 minutes in cruise the ship began to slow, and descend in a wide spiral towards the landing pad. Five minutes later they were down. Mike and his co-pilot flipped rows of switches to switch off all the machinery and electronics, and make things safe for post-flight maintenance.

He could see three figures waiting, one of them was Kou, the other two were bots. Kou waved at him. He gave a thumbs up, and took off his helmet.

“Another successful rescue, LT.”

“As always, thanks for your navigation, Gary. You get going. I want to sit here and think for a while.”

Fact was, Lt Mike was pretty conflicted about his feelings for the Princess. He knew they had to meet, but he thought it could get nasty.

The rest of the crew helped everyone disembark. They walked off under the slowly rotating main blades, which had massive momentum. Mike counted them off; Kubota, Murphy and Hardee from the cabin, with seven civilians, then Gary Harman, his co-pilot. He knew there was one passenger still waiting in the cargo bay. Chippy.

“Time to face the music.”

Mike unstrapped his flight harness and went to the rear door of the cockpit, which gave into the cargo bay..

…

The expedition members were ecstatic to be landed safely. They felt they had successfully completed a challenging adventure.

The only dejected one was Yancy. Once the helo was down he began to recover quickly, but he found his irrational fear rising again as he approached the edge of the helipad. There was no safety rail.

Beyond the pad was a 10 feet wide gangway around the top of the building, and that had a tall wall, so it was impossible to fall off, but he could see past it to the sheer drop, and feel the wind, and he sensed the void sucking at him. That’s why it’s called an irrational fear.

Yancy had to get to the companionway at the edge of the pad and go down it. He slowed and fell behind the rest of the group. Moon looked back at Yancy, noticing his hesitation.

“Hey Yancy, you wanna hold my hand and think of Holo?”

This was how she had got him to jump from the roof of one tall building to another on a previous case, to escape from zombies. It worked then and it worked again now.

Yancy took Moon’s hand and was able to get down the stairs. Once he was safely behind the wall at the edge of the roof, he felt fine.

“Thanks, Moon. You saved me again.”

“Yancy, I’ve got your back now and always.”

To his surprise, Moon leant in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. She seemed a bit embarrassed, and covered up by asking loudly when they were going to get a Goddessdamn drink!

Everyone was brought down to the main lobby, where there was enough space for Kou to address them. She stood on a small folding platform set up by one of her bots.

“Everyone, attention please! First I want to thank Lieutenant Comulada and his crew… where is the Lieutenant?”

“Ma’am, he said he wanted to sit and think for a while. I think he wanted to talk to the young lady. The, er… Princess.”

“I see. Anyway, thank you, Second Lieutenant Harman, Technical Sergeant Murphy, Senior Airman Hardee and Airman First Class Kubota, for your bravery and skill in rescuing our members.”

“Just doing our job, Ma’am.”

“Next I want to thank everyone in the expedition. I’m sorry to say, I need you all to do a short debrief now, while things are fresh in your minds.”

The members looked pretty glum at that, however they cheered up a lot when Kou came to the last bit of her speech.

“Once that is finished, I’ve got everyone, including our airforce friends, reservations in the best hotel in The Server.”


TO BE CONTINUED...

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88

*1. Waiting For a Star to Fall, by Boy Meets Girl (1988), remixed by Cabin Crew (2004)
*2. Performed by Fontanella Marie Bass (1965)

The MPY Kuudere Detective Agency: The Case of the Halloween Hauntings, Pt.22


Kou’s first debriefing was simple and quick. It was just a set of questions to fill in 1 to 5 rankings, a couple of comments boxes, and a free comment box where you could write whatever you liked about the expedition. I left that blank. I hadn’t had time to think about everything, and I didn’t want to commit myself.

After that we were taken to the hotel in two minibuses. I sat next to Ms Moon.

“What are we gonna do about our heaters, Ms Moon? It’s not nice to wander around a swanky hotel with shotguns even if they’re in bags.”

“Good point, Janjan. I’ll ask Kou to take them off our hands, then we can relax properly.”

When we got to the hotel, people were too tired to start partying. We all wanted to get a good hot bath, and a change of clothes.

Kou had reserved separate rooms for everyone on two floors. There were several rooms unused, though.

The chief pilot boi and Ms Onecornchippy hadn’t come in the minibuses with us. I don't know where they had got to.

The Green Tsuchimursu and the Fairy Imp were still marching through the watery south. I wondered what kind of a night they would spend. I figured the Green Boi would maybe create a leafy bower for them, or he would march under the moonlight until he reached his home, carrying the Fairy Imp all the way, to save her wings..

For me, I was just pleased when I got in my room and found Kou had provided a smart new detective suit. There was a snap-brim hat too, and a trench coat, two shirts and a tie, underwear and pyjamas. A pair of black leather oxfords. The works, all in the right sizes! I put my expedition clothes in the hotel’s laundry service.

I had a shower to get all the dirt off me. Then I shaved, and ran a hot bath and lay in it for 20 minutes, sipping a glass of rye I got from the minibar.

When I got out I felt pretty damn good. I put on the dressier of the two new shirts, tie, and my new suit. Everything fit real nice. I went down to the bar and restaurant to see what was what.

The airforce bois were propping up the bar drinking beer, so I went over to say hi and thanks. They said it was just their job, and they were happy to have got another rescue mission done without being shot at this time.

They asked where a boi could get some action around here. I told them to take a taxicab down to NSFW and they would be sure to find a good time there. They finished their beers and went off.

About this time Mr Yancy came in. I thought he looked a bit blue. He certainly looked a bit beat up. I guess it was still only a few days since he got out of the hospital, and he spent the time working hard.

He still had a lot of bruises on his face, and his right hand was in the plastic gizmo. He'd lost weight. His new clothes from Kou were loose on him. But he smiled warmly seeing me.

“Hello Janjan. Not too bad here, is it?”

I guessed that was British understatement. It was the best hotel I’d ever been in.

“Mistress Kou’s given us some nice duds, Mr Yancy! I got this suit and a new snap-brim and a trench coat too.”


Yancy was wearing a blue shirt open at the neck, camel brown trousers and oxblood oxfords, and a neat blazer with a broad red and black stripe pattern. I thought it was a bit loud, but I didn't say anything.

“How do you like being hard-boiled, Janjan?”

“It’s been a wild ride so far.”

“What do you think about continuing? We’d have to talk to Moon, since you're her sidekick, but I’m only going to do desk work for the next few weeks. We could use an extra pair of hands."

He held up his hand in the plastic thingummy.

“I reckon I could manage it, sir. I need to put in a bit of time on my perfume business first, though.”

“We all deserve a good break before we go back to detecting.”

We ordered a couple of drinks. I had a beer. Mr Yancy had a martini. He sipped at it in what I would call a brooding way. Suddenly I thought of a way to cheer him up.

“Uh, sir, I was just wondering if you could explain the difference between rowing and sculling?”

Mr Yancy lit up!

“Yes, of course.”

He got a load of white paper napkins and a ball-point pen from the bargirl. He started to draw a kind of long thin boat.

He was still sketching and explaining the different types of boats, blades, and so on, when all the girls arrived in a group and interrupted us. I kept the sketches to look at later.

Clearly the dames had put a lot of effort into their hair and make-up as well as having dressed up to the nines. I found out later that Kou had given them all a natty trouser suit as well as a cocktail dress, so they would have two options. They had all chosen dresses for tonight, and it looked like a bit of a party was gonna happen.

I guess there was a gender imbalance in our group, cause we had two bois, me and Mr Yancy, against five dolls. It got worse when Doctor Mayoy turned up. She had been given a night in the hotel as thanks for her care of Mr Yancy. So that made six girls and two bois.

But in some way it wasn’t important, and we didn’t care about it. I know I didn’t. I wasn’t out to find a special someone, if you know what I mean, I just wanted to celebrate comradeship and being alive and happy.

We had a great dinner in the restaurant. Mr Yancy chose the wines. He knew a lot about it from having worked in a liquor store when he was at university.

Mr Yancy insisted we change seats after every course, so as to mix up the pairings. He said it was his mother’s rule, and it was a good rule, because we all had the chance to talk to everyone.

After dinner we went dancing. Hard to believe, I know, but Ms Nymphi wanted Ms Chanmi to do her priestess dance again, and she insisted. I think Ms Nymphi wanted to show off her legs on the dance floor.

The DJ wasn’t going to refuse requests from Mistress Kou’s special guests, so we got the music we wanted.

Ms Chanmi did her priestess dance. We all joined in once we had learned the moves, and we sang the song too. Then we sang the rescue song, and danced to that, all doing whatever moves we wanted. Then we just did ordinary dancing in pairs and groups to whatever music the DJ wanted to play.

I guess that was one of the best times I’ve ever had.

After this, we were beginning to get pretty tired. We sat back down and got a fresh drink.

Suddenly Ms VioletMist sat up and looked at Mr Yancy.

“Hey, Yancy. You haven’t forgotten our bet?”

“What bet?”

“That first night we stood a watch together. We were talking about...”

She nodded at Ms Blaise.

“What’s this about a bet, VioletMist?”

“Oh Blaise, you can’t say you haven’t noticed Yancy’s got eyes for you! I bet him 100 Coins he would be in a clinch with you before the mission ended.”

Yancy was blushing.

“Well it didn’t happen, so you lose, VioletMist. You owe me 100 Coins.”

“It did so happen, when Blaise got you in the rescue sling.”

“That doesn’t count. It wasn’t that kind of a clinch.”

"I never said what kind of a clinch."

"Come on, it was obvious you meant a smooch.'

“Hang on you two. I don’t think I like being a bet between you about getting clinched or smooched."

“It’s Yancy’s fault, Blaise. I reckon he deserves to be punished. He should be punished for making the bet, and he should be punished for welching on it."

"I'm not welching on it. You lost."

"I haven't lost yet. The mission isn't over until Kou pays us off!"

“You don’t see me smooching Blaise, do you?”

“Aren’t I worth 100 Coins to smooch, Yancy?”

“Well, I don’t go around paying money for smooches. If you want to smooch me then smooch me, and smooch me because you want to. I won’t care what it costs.”

“Okay then!”

Ms Blaise stood up and grabbed Mr Yancy’s good hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. He didn't resist much. He was fairly drunk, and I reckon he wanted her to pull him out there.

She got him into a slow dance position. She put her hands on his shoulders, and he put his hands on her hips. They swayed to the music.

Ms Blaise obviously didn’t mind this at all. Pretty soon she put her arms around his neck, and he put his arms around her waist, and they held each other real close. Definitely a clinch.

Everyone seemed a bit boggled, but Ms Moon not so much. I reckon she had her suspicions about Mr Yancy and Ms Blaise already, from some previous incident.

The DJ was playing a slow number. The two of them had a good long dance and it was pretty smoochy. Their heads leant towards each other, and we thought they were gonna kiss, but it didn't happen.

Even so, it kinda made me wish I had someone to smooch. Another day, with luck…

When the music stopped, Ms Blaise gave Mr Yancy a peck on the cheek. He smiled, and thanked her. They unwound themselves from each other and came back to the seats.

“Okay VioletMist, you won. Do you want Coins or Treats?”

“Cold hard Coins.”

“Alright, I’ll give it to you tomorrow, then.”

“Sure.”

It was getting pretty late, I mean well past one in the morning. Despite all the fun and party energy, members were starting to flag. It had been a very long day. Mr Yancy stood up.

“Well, everybody, I don’t know about you but I’m done in. I want to thank all of you and, um, it’s been really good, and thank you very much for everything you did on the expedition, and thanks for being such good company this evening.

"I’m off to bed now. If anyone’s got the energy, dancing and the bar goes on until 5 am. Kou's paying, so drink the bar dry if you can.”

Everyone said Goodnight to him, and he went up.

"I knew it! I knew he was sweet on you, Blaise."

"How did you know, Moon?"

"When you rescued him from the fire at the Palace, well, it was Yancie you rescued, that’s a different aspect but still English. There was a pic in the Mod News and the way he was looking at you. It was obvious. The Princess thought so too. We teased him about it.”

“Oh yeah, at the time I thought he was acting a bit odd but I put it down to the difficult situation. So he was falling for me, then, was he?”

“Like a brick. Anyway, good luck with him. Yancy’s often rather tsundere/kuudere. A lot of the time you’ll need to take the lead. Right, I’m having one final whisky, then it’s bed for me.”

Ms Moon ordered Glenfiddich 15yo Solera Reserve, a double, with a splash of club soda and some ice. I noticed the rocks in this hotel were irregular, super clear, super chunky, and super cold. That’s a sign of a really top end place.

“I spose my head will pay for this in the morning, but what the hell. Big breakfast buffet will fix me up again."

I decided to have the same. The others all had various drinks too, and we toasted each other..

After we finished those drinks, the only members who wanted to keep on dancing where Doctor Mayoy and Ms Chanmi, so we all left them to it and headed off to our separate rooms.

There’s stuff I could say about the next day, the sore heads at breakfast, and the gallons of coffee drunk.

Mistress Kou’s formal debriefing, where she got Mr Tsuchimursu and the Garden Fairy Yura on teleconferencing so everyone could give their knowledge and opinions.

I guess that’s pretty dull stuff though. It’s certainly not what I call hard-boiled.

So I’m gonna stop now with everyone safe in their beds, having sweet dreams.


THE END

© 2019 Yancy 08620163 | 8J3U37
aka Starship Captain 88