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I admit I am only halfway through End and Death 2: The Padding and the Stalling, but with End and Death 3: The Search for Money dropping I think NOW is the time for our completely false and made up spoilers!

Warning! Completely False and Made Up Horus Heresy Spoilers!

The Emperor and Horus settle things with an epic dance off. Sanguinius is accidentally killed when the Emperor high kicks without looking. They make up a story to cover things up.

Abaddon betrays Horus and makes a deal to keep a 10,000 year war going in order to increase the profits of Galactic Wargear Inc.

Some guy confronts certain doom but then a few chapters later we learn he's fine and that some other dude teleported in randomly and saved him. No. Wait. That's already happened 25 times so far and I'm not even done.

More uses of the "coruscating" than you thought necessary, or possible.

A sword fight between two main characters.

Everyone forgets guns exist so they can settle things with sword fights.

Coming in 2025, The End and the Death 4: The Real Actual Totally Final Conclusion! (Note: May not actually be the final conclusion, book titles are not a legal guarantee)

Loken saves the Emperor from Horus with Enuncia, becoming a perpetual in the process.

Peak Abnett hubris in action.

The Emperor woke up. It was all a bad dream.

The Emperor Is discovered to be the primordial annihilator.

Something will come through the veil of reality which wont want to suck a characters brains out through their eyes.

Malcador says 'feth this' and leaves the throne for a cheeky cigarette break - coinciding with the Emperor being fatally wounded.

The Eldar suddenly remember they exist and do something.

The Necrons suddenly remember they exist and do something.

The Squats/Legend of Voltron suddenly remember they reconned back into existence (dereconned back into existence?) and were always there all along and they do something

Dorn stands atop the battlements looking down at the attacking army and wonders why the the heck they're fighting a medieval siege battle when they both have like airplanes and spaceships and stuff.

Perturabo stands at the base of the battlements looking up at the defending army and wonders the heck they're fighting a medieval siege battle when they both have like airplanes and spaceships and stuff

Horus stands at the Space Window of his Spaceship and looks down at the besieged palace and remembers that they have Spaceships and stuff and nukes the place.

Space above Terra calms with an unnatural stillness and then shakes like bass string plucked. Where there was nothing there is now two fleets of starships painted in the livery of the IInd and XIth Legions returned at last. But are they here to save the Emperor, or destroy him?

The Emperor faces Horus one on one, his sword bursts into flame. Horus' unholy Wacking Stick crackles with coruscating energy. The Emperor pulls a Glock out of his pants and shoots Horus in his unarmored head because he remembers they have like guns and stuff. Horus dies. The Emperor goes to light a cigar with his flaming sword but forgets that Horus left the gas on. BOOM! Later he makes up a whole story about a big sword fight so he won't look stupid.

Tygre wrote:The Emperor woke up. It was all a bad dream.

So does that make the Emperor Victoria Principle & Malcador Patrick Duffy????


But seriously my prediction is Kurze is gonna come outta no where with a steel chair and that he's the one whom actually kills Horus.

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

The Emperor faces Horus one on one, his sword bursts into flame. Horus' unholy Wacking Stick crackles with coruscating energy. The Emperor pulls a Glock out of his pants and shoots Horus in his unarmored head because he remembers they have like guns and stuff. Horus dies. The Emperor goes to light a cigar with his flaming sword but forgets that Horus left the gas on. BOOM! Later he makes up a whole story about a big sword fight so he won't look stupid.

Please don't stop. These are gold.

Space clowns interrupt the duel on the vengeful spirit. In a flash of unneeded flips they murder everyone present. Rogal Dorn and Abaddon agree that this is humiliating an no one can know. Years later the clowns will flex on the imperium and do it again.

Big E finally has "the talk" with Horus about why his body is changing and how girls don't seem so icky anymore. Cue the Full House-style music, add a few tears, and they hug it out.

At the end of the climactic duel, it's revealed that the Emperor was Omegon, and he sheds a mute tear as he realizes he's just slain his twin.

Horus actually obliterated the Emperor, and it's Horus sitting on the Golden Throne.

Horus and the Emperor finally realize that the only same way to determine who is the better ruler of the imperium is to take turns, but knowing it won't be a fair contest if anyone else knows about it, they hide behind the throne and put the carcass of some poor nobody on the seat. 10,000 years later, they've each had 5 turns. They were about to reveal the contest to everyone and call for a vote to determine the victor when Abaddon the bully finds them hiding behind the throne and demands they let him play too. He now gets 5 turns in a row to catch up.

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

More uses of the "coruscating" than you thought necessary, or possible.

Ollanius Pile is actually a retcon pushed by the Adeptus Ministratum. It was actually Perpetual Loken who intervened, dying to save Horus.

The Emperor was actually the 5th Chaos God all along. Horus defeats him and absorbs his power highlander style but as a final trap the Emperor has him stuck on the golden throne.

Horus and the Emperor have their final duel in the astral plane using a childrens card game

Euphrati Keeler was actually a long con by Tzeentch, she's the one who mortally wounds the Emperor

 The Red Hobbit wrote:

Horus and the Emperor have their final duel in the astral plane using a childrens card game

Astropathic sources report hearing an anguished cry of "You're a third-rate duelist with a fourth-rate deck!" shortly before Horus' death.

The Emperor kicks down the door duel wielding .45s and yelling "Yip-ai-ay Maternal Copulator!" and Horus whips out his UZI and opens up screaming "You want some of this, huh? come get it!" and then BAM! double headshots! and they die. Then Dorn kicks down the door with his belt-fed M-60 and yelling "Time to make the-" but then sees they're dead. And he's sad because he delayed 10 minutes trying to think of something cool to yell and the best he could come up with was "Time to make the doughnuts" cause doughnuts have holes y'know.

Some guy opens some door but like instead of it going where he thought it was going, it goes somewhere else and the guy is all like, whoa. No. Wait. That was all of Book 2.

After 60 books we finally get the confrontation we've been waiting for! John Grammaticus vs Euphrati Keeler! Charades! To the death!

Suddenly, out of fricking nowhere man, Abnett's Guardians of the Galaxy team shows up! They can't call them the Guardians of the Galaxy because of copyrights and whatever but they use the team's classic battlecry - "Guardians of the Galaxy, guard that galaxy!" They fly around and have no effect on the plot but do pad the book by 20 pages.

Suddenly, out of fricking nowhere man, a bunch of Sigmarines show up and beat, I dunno, let's say Iron Warriors Captain Kyrix, to death with their hammers. They they disappear having had no effect on the plot, much like every other secondary character.

Y'know that guy Fo, the genetic dude with the "Kill all space marines virus", yeah, he'll have no effect on the plot either.

Some normal human will sog through the mud, do something heroic, meditate on the pointlessness of war, die, and have no effect on the plot.

FINALLY! Horus and the Emperor will lock blades, be face to face and... they kiss.

To be continued in the End and the Death 4!

The body on the throne is not the Emperor, it's Malcador. This is found out when Inquisitor Maurie comes and does a blood test. And finds he is, in fact, NOT THE FATHER.

Horus & Emperor destroy each other. Emperor is not on the throne, it's just some psyker dude with big flashlight turning off and on for 10k yr

Mazinger H.

The fake spoilers are better than the actual spoilers in terms of story telling which is incredibly cursed.

This entire time, Cypher has just been Sly Marbo in a suit of cardboard armor he painted in GW Dark angels paint.

Well after months of effort (I literally took a break and finished 2 other books) I have finished End and Death 2-End Harder and can safely post some false spoilers!

After years of hints and clues we finally learn who the "Dark King" is! It turns out it is really...



The true villain of the Horus Heresy is finally reviled! It's a Very Angry Bouncy Ball, with coruscating tendrils of psykana!

Sanguinus and Horus have an epic sword fight where neither of them remember they have guns, or notice the other guy isn't wearing a helmet.

In fact no one seems to remember that guns are a thing that exist. Yeah the loyalists are a bit low on ammo, but what about the traitors?

Also no aircraft. Yeah maybe all the loyalist craft were shot down but shouldn't the traitors be ruling the skies?

Oh and there is literally nothing going on on the rest of Terra or the rest of the Sol System. Or maybe there is and they don't have room for it, after all they only had 8 Seige of Terra books, plus 1500+ pages of End O'Death.

The villains will try to crush the will of a hero through relentless monotony, and repeating the same thing over and over with just minimal variations until he can't tell one day from the next. Reading this I feel a profound kinship to him.

Halfway through End O'Death 3-Death Harder and... OMG I thought you made up the bit about Yu Gi Oh.

If only the Emperor had spend more money and bought the Blue Eyed Dragon Hologram Card he'd have beaten Horus.

Support your FLGS kids! Buy more cards!

Seriously... was this like some in joke about the old Sabretooth game?

Like many fans I felt that End and Death 1-3 did not make enough use of the Wandering Monster Matrix.

Well worry no more, since in the middle of an epic battle between the Emperor and Horus with the fate of universe at stake, we'll break away so a minor supporting character can have a fight with some random Evil Centaurs who pop up.

We learn the Evil Centaurs are the greatest archers in the universe and have hunted every creature in the Warp.

HOWEVER! The minor supporting character had a 2-hour archery class in case he was ever stranded on a primitive world and needed to rely on the enemy's primitive weapons. This allows him to out fight and out shoot the greatest archers in the universe after stealing one of their bows.

At this point, armed with a magic bow from the greatest archers in the universe whose arrows can even penetrate power armor the minor character... breaks the bow over his knee and charges onward with no ranged weapons. Because apparently he does not need to rely on his enemy's primative weapons.

This is a real scene that takes up actual pages in the middle of the climatic battle. It has no point, makes no sense, and accomplishes nothing. And I paid money for it.

It's sad they took the quantity over quality approach with bl.

I should take an archery class though, I hear they have a great return on investment.

shortymcnostrill wrote:
...I should take an archery class though, I hear they have a great return on investment.

You're thinking of boomerang classes.