Ok I have been wirting a story (It's the first story i have ever writen) for about a week on and off... and I wanted to see what you guys thought 
I love constructive critsime because it will help me improve my RP and story writing skills(Speaking of RPing you should have a Role playing section on this fourm (If there is one please give me the link 
)) so here it gose: I will add the next section when i get around to it but what do you think so far? Also i would like to say i have never read the Ragnar books so please don't say i copied them, I did my reaserch thats all (Two white dwarf articals )
I scanned the room, all eyes where on me? Slowly a smile spread across my face revealing my cainine-like fangs. ?Fine, I will tell you the story? It will be long so get comfortable?? There was a rush of movement as the men refilled there drinks. ?Ok it all starts a very long time ago? Centereries accually?? <?
Tribal years: ?I grew up on in Thrymheim a small island village. I was the youngest in my family, I was always in the shadow of my oldest brother Ragnhild, everyone thought he was blessed by the gods? We all thought the Son?s of Russ would take him. I always looked up to Ragnhild because he was the greatest fighter I knew, he was also kind and he trained with me even though everyone told me not to bother or that I would never become as good as Ragnhild.
I shocked everyone when I was accepted into the Wolfbrothers. Raghild was the champion but his years as a Wolfbrother where almost up. It was the eve of my first battle? I can still remember the fear running through me that day? I had gone to my brother and pulled him aside, ?watch my back.? I had begged him what he had said back had surprised me? ?War is a dangerous place little brother and if you are scared maybe you should not come, but if you decide to follow you must watch our back as much as we watch yours?? Then without another word he had borded the long boat; I had followed, a move that would change my life forever?
The trip was long and the sea harsh, one of our ships fell to a Kraken. The battle is hazy for me, it all went so quickly? We had met the enemy army on open field at about mid-day, the charge had been brutal the blood was bright against the white snow? But I did not let fear take me, I held on to the words my brother had said, I would not run? I fought beside Raghild and it seemed nothing could stop us? The battle was intense and we where at the heart of it, when suddenly some one yelled ?Look! On the hill! The Son?s of Russ watch!? the battle came to a total halt as every eye looked up to the hill, I could hardly believe my eyes there on the hill was a massive figure, he stood taller then any man I had ever seen, he was cloaked in the pelts of wolves. Then the crash of swords could be heard again and the battle commenced anew this time the fighting was insane, everyone was giving it there all... Then there was a surreal quite as the leader of the enemy Wolfbrothers stepped forward? He shouted out a challenge ?Any brave enough to face me come now and be struck down!? Raghild stepped out of the crowd he was covered in blood of countless foes; he looked like a good of war ?The gods watch? Let us show them who the better warrior is?? he had said. They had not said another word as they closed in, we all watched in awe? there blows struck as fast as lightning and sounded like thunder. I remember Raghild had the upper hand, his opponent was tiring, Raghild went in for the finishing blow but his opponent suddenly moved with renewed energy and plunged his sword into Raghild?s gut then kicked him to the ground? I ran to my brother tears in my eyes I knelt by his side as the blood drained from his face? He looked at me and tried to speak but he could not summon the strength ?I should have had your back like you had mine? I had said to him then the light faded from his eyes? I pulled the sword from his chest and advanced upon his weaponless killer a sword in each hand? He stared at me his cold eyes boring into mine ?Kill me you Honorless coward?? he said his eye defiant? I must say I was tempted but I tossed him his sword, he began to speak but I interrupted him ?Shut
up and fight?? I had said my eyes cold and my expression grave. I fought harder then I believed possible, this was not about pleasing the Son?s of Russ anymore, It was not about honor? It was all for Raghild? But still even with my righteous furry I couldn?t strike him down but nether could he strike down me? This went on for hours until the man on the hill came down, Nether of us noticed until he spoke ?Stop!? He commanded in his booming voice and I still to this day do not know why I had listened but I did ?Come? he said and both of us followed. We walked solemnly up the hill, then there was a sound like the crashing of a thousand waves and above up was a great flying ship we followed him inside and then there was blackness?
I awoke with a start, I was waist deep in snow and felt as if I had been there for months. I opened my eyes to see the strange man that had selected me. ?Young warriors the true test has now begun? You must find your way home to our great citadel the fang? You are now on the other side of the continent, a thousand miles away from your destination? You must work together if you wish to survive?? Then in the blink of an eye he was gone? Although at the time I did not know to they had operated on me and implanted the geneseed and the extra organs. By this time the geneseed had begun to work on my body, rushing through it and restructuring it. Muscle mass was being added, bones where beginning to fuse together, and the very structure of my brain was beginning to alter, quickening my reflexes and heightening , my perceptions. Vestigial fangs where beginning to emerge. But all this was not painless, it was a lot closer to the opposite every muscle in my body ached. I finally found the will to stand and I came face to face with the man who had killed my brother, I remembered the stranger?s words ?you must work together? he had said? We looked at each other for a long time but it was him who broke the silence ?I?m Helgi Hundingsbane? I did not reply I just got to my feet and began walking ?Hey you know what!? I?m not happy about this ether but where going to need to work together!? He called after me I stopped but did not turn and face him ?And you may want one of these?? he said with a smirk, I turned to see him holding two hastily crafted iron hunting knives. I walked back to him and grabbed the knife and turned and began walking again ?I?m Seyc? And just so you know under any other circumstance I would kill you?? He smiled before replying ?It?s good that we view things the same way?? And that was the last thing we said to each other for days? after about a day or two my instincts started to take over, it was the same for Helgi? We became Feral almost wolf-like, food was the only thing we thought about and we hunted in a pack working together, but other then that we where mindless, as we tracked and hunted down herds of elk, we ate their raw flesh and drank their blood. This feral state went on for about a week when I returned to my senses I felt great, I could smell the musk trails of the deer and the wolf. I had grown stronger, beyond the imagining of any mortal man, I could run for days without tiring. But my favorite part at that moment was that I was almost immune to the biting chill of the snow and wind. Hunting was easy at first but the farther we headed in land the prey became bigger and smarter and the lack of a real weapon or armor started to prove a obstacle. We passed through wolf-haunted forests and over freezing plains. Slowly the land rose before use and the Fang comes into view, visible hundreds of miles away. To reach it we had to climb cliffs and traverse glaciers. Food became scarce. I thought we would die on this pilgrimage. But we did not and we eventually found ourselves before one of the Fang's many gates. Here, at the heart of the northern continent, where the mountains meet over the pole, we saw the Fang in all its glory for the first time? The foothills of this huge artificial mountain cover hundreds of miles, and the Fang itself rises up twenty five miles, a dagger driven into the belly of the sky, towering out of the planet's atmosphere. It is one of the mightiest citadels in the Imperium outside the fortified world of Earth? Waiting at the gate was the stranger, ?Welcome to your new home brothers, you have earned a place in the Space Wolves and have been assigned to Great Company of the Wulfen???
I paused and looked around the room, most drinks where untouched and still all eyes where transfixed upon me ?So this is what it feel?s like to be a porn star?? I though allowed, the men burst into laughter ?Shut up and get on with the story!? Shouted some one in the crowd I nodded a smile on my face also ?I shall continue with the story then...?
The City of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com
ffice:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Light</st1:place></st1:City>: ?I had just recently finished mastering these new warrior ways, learning to use the bolter and the grenade but most of all I learnt of our proud history of the Emperor and of Leman Russ. I had just been granted my own suit of Power Amour, it was the newest model of it?s day being the Mark 4 outfit. Me and the other initiates of the Jorin Bloodfang?s Great Company were being was assigned to our own packs, these packs would be full of new warriors like ourselves. I was assigned to the Blood Hunter pack, and to my dismay so was Helgi. At about this time the treacherous legion of the Thousand Sons had be caught dabbling in the warp and sorcery. They had claimed it was only scholarly pursuit but the Emperor and Leman Russ had seen passed this and the Emperor passed a law stating ?the conduct and use of arcane sorcery would be outlawed as an unforgivable heresy.? But then Magnus and his Legion continued? They had committed a crime against the Emperor and the Space Wolves had been chosen to serve justice upon the heretics? My first battle as a Space Wolf was to be against my brethren, I remember how hesitant I had been. ?They are our brethren, should we not be less harsh?? I had thought, but I also understood that they could not be able to disrespect the Emperor or the laws of the Imperium? But it was not up to me if we went to war? Orders where orders, and so soon I was on a ship with Helgi and the rest of the Blood Hunters? I remember vividly as we landed in the City of <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Light</st1:place></st1:City> it was amazing the sky was a beautiful aqua blue and every building was made of gold. We had been the first squad to land in the City of <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Light</st1:place></st1:City>. As we had exited the Thunder Hawk I looked to Helgi ?Just so you know under any other circumstance I would kill you?? I had whispered to him ?It?s good that we view things the same way?? he had replied with a sly grin. A large squadron of Thousand Sons battle-brothers had come to great us ?Hello brothers what do we own this visit and why do you bring so many troops?? he had questioned friendly. Our pack leader had smiled and looked into the unknowing heretics eyes ?We are here because you have commit an unforgivable heresy and by word of the Emperor you are to be killed to the last man.? With this he had leaved his Bolt Pistol and with a blink of an eye sent the unsuspecting bastard to hell ?Any questions!?? I had asked with a evil smirk as my axe tore into the next unsuspecting victim? They had no time to even draw weapons for we where already upon them, blades and bolters drawn, we had rushed through the streets killing all in our path, we meet small pockets of resistance but they where over come and once we had taken the space port we kept getting reinforcements. I remember the rush I had felt as my feral instincts took over, I ran through the streets killing all within the reach of my blade. We burnt there libraries full of sorceress knowledge. By the end of the day we where covered in the blood of our foes, they had set up a fortified defense out side there monetary-fortress but we where over-whelming them. I remember the moment, I had looked up from the battle and taken a quick scan of my surroundings when I saw Leman Russ ahead of me, his massive form was unmistakable I had rushed to fight beside him. We had cut a bloody swath through there ranks and just as the battle seemed to be won Magnus the Red and a new wave of warriors rushed onto the battle field. Magnus had met with Leman on the field but I had no time to sit and watch, of Magnus? champions had assumed that I was one of Leman?s champions and had challenged me, the warrior was smaller then I but in one had he bore a golden lightning claw in the other his hand was empty but around it crackled with raw energy. I stood my ground as he advanced, I quickly leveled my bolt pistol and emptied a clip the warrior leapt aside dodging a few and disintegrating the rest with some spell... I was horrified but I slowly loaded another clip the sound of Leman battling Magnus gave me strength. I let out a feral blood-curling howl and charged forward unleashing another wave of bullets then I dropped the pistol and took my axe in both hands and struck at my foe. The effect was great? Well at least for a Blood Claw against a champion, the bullets had rocked him doing no real damage but opening him up for my axe strike which struck into his side. I tried to unlodge my axe but his mighty lightning claw came slashing down at me I was quick and maneuvered to the side a bit and missed the blades, but the rest of the fist smashed my to the ground, he ripped my axe from his side witch made way for fresh blood to poor down his golden amour, but to my dismay the wound clotted before my eyes. He tossed my weapon behind him and began advancing on me, I looked around for a weapon but the sorcerer quickly moved them all aside before I could reach them then like a trapped beast a sat on all fours in front of him. ?Fitting that a filthy mutt like you, should die like the dog you are.? He had said I growled in defiance and raised to my feet to face him he raised his lightning claw to strike me down I closed my eyes and my muscles tensioned ?I think not!? came a voice that broke the silence. I heard a cry of pain and opened my eye expecting to see that Leman Russ had just saved me. But it was not Russ? It had been Helgi? I looked at him in shock and then looked to the warrior who was on the ground lightning claw severed from his arm ?Only I get to kill you.? He said with a smirk, I nodded but could not bring myself to thank him I scanned the body one more time? and to my horror he was on his feet, Helgi was oblivious to the danger he was in? I leapt forward just in time to block the unholy fireball? The blast engulfed my whole left arm all the way to my shoulder; I can still remember the pain? Intense pain and then darkness? I woke up, I was in a abandoned building but I was still in the city of light for the building was made of gold and I could here the fight still raging in the distance? I tried to push myself to my feet but my left arm gave way under the pressure, it took me a second to realize that I hadn?t lost my arm in the blast. I glanced down and to my shock I saw my left arm was a mix and match of parts? my shoulder pad was a thousand son?s, my upper arm was just alloy with no designs and the from the elbow down was the golden power claw? I flexed my artificial arm, I was powerful, but it had no feeling, ?it?ll be hard to get used to? I thought? Then I scanned the rest of the room, it was full of injured and dead, the only people that weren?t where the Iron-Priests and the Apothecaries, this was no place for me? I could still fight. I got to my feet, the pain in my arm was extreme but I bore through it. Once on my feet the pain eased but was not gone, I headed for the door an Iron-Priest confronted me ?Where are you going! You are still injured!? I grabbed him with my arm and used my new found strength to shove him out of the way as I sprinted for the door. I once outside I looked around It was night but there was no lack of light for the city was ablaze, in the center of the field was the two Primarch's still battling, Leman had finally gained the upper hand and closed in. Russ took the battered body of Magnus, and raising him to the storm wracked skies, brought him down upon his knee. With a mighty crack, Russ broke the back of his foe, and the heart of the Thousand Sons. Magnus sunk to the floor, and as Russ raised his fiery sword Mjalnar to strike his enemies heart, Magnus whispered a single word of Power and sunk into the earth's dark embrace and where his body had lay opened a vast maelstrom of energy, through which their forces fled... As Leman Russ howled his fury to the packs of the Wolfen-Kind and motioned for us to follow I was one of the first but soon was followed by the whole Great Company?With a blinding flash the portal closed and the Thirteenth company was lost?.
~To Be Continued~
