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Creaking and groaning into life in the deepest bowels of Dorset, the inaugural Dodderers competition instantly doubled the UK (World..?) roster of midweek L'Art de la Guerre competitions for the more refined and mature (aka "already retired" or "working at best part-time and keen to stop even that as soon as they can") gamers.

Themed for a post-Roman era, and taking place in Entoyment's spiffing new gaming centre at the arse-end of an industrial estate on the Poole half-ring road*, this was a great opportunity for me to wheel out some of the countless hordes of mostly Forged in Battle 15mm Byzantine figures I've been painting over the last year or so.



With five very entertaining games having been played over the "midweek two-day thing that feels like a weekend but isn't", some brand new figures getting on table, the huge benefit of a gaming space with excellent lighting, and the awareness that many of my more recent battle reports have been arguably a tad rushed, the end result is an old-school epic of military incompetence, surreal in-game figurine based banter, a rare appearance from the "Meso American Personalities with the letter Z in their Names" Top Trumps set, some suitably acerbic analysis from Nasty Hannibal and (in this case, with the Justinian Byzantines on table), pompous and self-aggrandizing reportage from Byzanto-Canadian popster/general Justinian Bieber.



In Game 1 you will see the Justinians attempt to tempt the Zapotecs down from their Mexican mountain redoubt, whilst also learning from a couple of the tribal warriors the convoluted (but all true) story of how the Zapotec nation came by their Z-tastic name.



In Game 2, a Justinian Civil War breaks out while I scratch around furiously to try and identify a second famous Canadian "Justin", and then shoehorn that detail somehow into the already tortuous narrative arc of the battle.



In Game 3 the Justinians take a trip through time to engage in another Civil War against their near-ancestors, the Thematic Byzantines, who, like the Zapotecs, appear less interested in fighting the battle and more eager to debate the origins of the appellation "Thematic" as the action continues around them.



In Game 4 it's time to get down to the YMCA and take on Harry "In The Navy" and his Arab Conquest army in a game characterised by some decidedly David Lynchian Dunes and a potentially nostril-expanding giant minaret.



Finally in Game 5 the Justinians take on one of the all time classics, Classical Indian, and try their best to conjure up a way to defeat a wall of elephants without having time to buy and paint up even more FiB figures to provide a full range of dismounts for the Justinian elephant-phobic cavalry.

All 5 reports are presented in full traditional text and image mode, meaning you'll have to actually read them rather than watch them, and they are all online now ready to go, starting at https://www.madaxeman.com/reports/Dorset_Dodderers_2026_1.php

* Poole is right on the coast, so it's kinda hard to have a full ring road as some of it would then be in the sea..