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THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF 40K


LUST- Obsessive or excessive desires

Your opponent has a fantasticly painted brand spanking new Land Raider. Meticulously painted with murals on each side, interior painted, and some fantastic conversion work including a swingarm 'dozer blade...in a word, its beautiful.

He's been talking about it for all 3 of the months he's been working on it, it's his first painted model in the army. A mighty chariot for his commander and terminator entourage to charge your lines with.

....you steal the initiative, fire your first shot, a brightlance, pen, SIX! It's gone. You're opponent is now demoralised for the rest of the 2 hour battle.

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

This will be the model that you will drop, get stolen, leave in your car to melt, or damage during your flight.


GLUTTONY- Over indulgence

There he is, once again, the player that always insists on playing 10000 pt battles that never get finished. He thinks RTT's play way too low of points, and is hoping for next years' Ard Boyz to be 1000 pts higher than this year. Quite frankly, he's never seen the end of a game since each players turn takes two hours to finish. He's up at the store right now with his army set up, he's ready to take on 4 other players' 1850 pt lists on a 6x4 table that will be filled to capacity with models and terrain leaving no room to maneuver, just a huge scrum that is a pain in the mind to keep track of.

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

You move to a new town and find a fabulous new game store to play at. It's a GW mecca and you've been looking for a store like this your whole life....

...but they only play kill team and 40k in 40min on 4x4 tables that are bolted to the floor so as not to allow putting them together.


GREED- Aquisition of wealth

The new Dark Eldar Army is about to be released, and your game store manager looks at his watch and sure enough, you come right thru the door right on time. You're here to order the Battleforce of Dark Eldar models so as to be the first one on the block to be putting it together. You've been talking about this army for months and couldnt wait for it to come out....

....just like Space Wolves....
....just like Space Marines....
....Just like 40k Daemons...
...just like Chaos Marines...
and so on, and so on, and so on....

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

You've got umpteen battleforces started, but none of them completed and Battleforces arent actually "renowned" for being stepping stones toward a cohesive army. Basically, since you lack any focus, you cannot experience any single army for what it truly is.


SLOTH- Failure to utilise one's talents or gifts.

You've played Eldar exclusively for YEARS. You almost never lose, your tactics are sound, your army tried, tested, and nigh unbeatable with you at the helm. You're a joy to play against with great sportsmanship abilities, and everyone asks you advice about playing eldar and army building.

Why havent you won a tournement?....

....you dont have a single model painted.

How will the Emperor punish you for this sin:

Your friend that's played as long as you have, he just quit his job and spends every day playing games of 40k, hanging out at the store, watching movies at home and playing online MMO's. You asked him how he can afford to stay out of work for a huge vacation that it appears he's taking.

Turns out he's learned to paint so well over the years that his 5 Golden Daemons that he's earned over the years have allowed him to open his own internet business. He now speed paints armies and makes twice as much money annually as you do in your job shoveling sh!t.


WRATH- Uncontrolled feelings of hatred or anger

What was that noise, oh yea, John Doe is in the store again, sounds like he's losing, he just threw his dice across the room....

Or maybe he slammed his models back into his tacklebox....

or maybe he simply ripped his rulebook in half....

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

Sometimes dice bounce.

Sometimes dice bounce off of walls after thrown in anger.

Sometimes they bounce into the wrong giant of a person who doesnt care for little gaming nerds.

Sometimes little gaming nerds bounce off of walls after having dice shoved down their throats.


ENVY- Sorrow for another's good fortune or skill.

You're hyped! You just massacred twice in the first two games of 'Ard Boyz! 1 more to go! Whoops...! You just got stuffed, your third game was a massive failure you Zeroed out and have no chance of winning. There goes that 3500 pt army and you cant even play at the finals.

You stomp out of the store like a kindergartener thats fed up waiting for his turn at the swing. You take off before the results meeting at the end of the day.

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

Last round noone did well, you actually scored second place. Unfortunatly, the organiser got the wrong phone number for you and you never follow up. You lose your place at the finals.


PRIDE- Love of self perverted to hatred and comtempt for ones neighbor

You're amazed at that last game, everything was against you! Dice, his army choices, too much/not enough terrain, ect.

I mean, it couldnt POSSIBLY be your tactics during the game. Your strategy was flawless, tactics executed with flawless precision, if it wasnt for the dice, you would've stomped him....just like the last game you played, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the........*

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

You will never get any better.

Worth the read just for this.

Deadshane1 wrote:
PRIDE- Love of self perverted to hatred and comtempt for ones neighbor

You're amazed at that last game, everything was against you! Dice, his army choices, too much/not enough terrain, ect.

I mean, it couldnt POSSIBLY be your tactics during the game. Your strategy was flawless, tactics executed with flawless precision, if it wasnt for the dice, you would've stomped him....just like the last game you played, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the........*

How the Emperor will punish you for this sin:

You will never get any better.

I thought about flogging molly when i read the t title to this post

Looks good!

frgsinwntr wrote:I thought about flogging molly when i read the t title to this post

Looks good!

And I dusted off an old CD (yes people still have those) when I read this. Thanks m8.

Write it up for all posterity!

I thought of Camelot's "Seven Deadly Virtues." It dates me :(

Deadshane1 wrote:
Your friend that's played as long as you have, he just quit his job and spends every day playing games of 40k, hanging out at the store, watching movies at home and playing online MMO's. You asked him how he can afford to stay out of work for a huge vacation that it appears he's taking.

Turns out he's learned to paint so well over the years that his 5 Golden Daemons that he's earned over the years have allowed him to open his own internet business. He now speed paints armies and makes twice as much money annually as you do in your job shoveling sh!t.

The tool tip for "sh!t" made me giggle.

Beautifully done sir......can we have a condenced, tag line version??