"As surely as we can never comprehend absolutely the whole of beings in themselves we certainly do find ourselves stationed in the midst of beings that are revealed somehow as a whole." Thus spoke Angus the Big Mek as he made planetfall on the world Gobamphetamine parrote.
What happened on the planet Gobamphetamine parrote two thousand years ago when Angus the Big Mek encountered a force of Black Templars was lost to history--until now. For it is I, a scribe of the Running Dog Order, that has uncovered the ancient text, _Bello Angus_ which chronicles the campaigns of one of the most mythical figures in Ork history. I have labored to translate the fragment dealing with the battle of Gobamphetamine parrote and today I present to this august symposium a prelimanary narrative of the terrible struggle that occurred millenia ago.
As dawn broke on the Planet Gobamphetamine parrote Angus the big mek had been marching through the night towards an ancient structure on the horizon. The first rays of sunlight revealed that a Black Templar troop transport bearing a squad of marines and a so-called Emperor's Champion had already seized the ancient buildings. Angus quickly occupied a ruin with his squad of gretchin, a loyal runtherd, and several bags full of snotlings for his Shokk Attack Gun. He ordered his favoring nob, Lothar, to take a mob of boyz and outflank the marines. "Glory Stompers!" he bellowed into his radio "dem pale fleshy ones is 'ere!"
Within minutes both sides had called up reinforcements. The Black Templars, no doubt due to their weak constitutions and soft feet, arrived in armored transports: a Predator Annhilator, a Land Raider bearing a squad of Terminators, and an additional Rhino carrying another squad of marines and a Chaplain. They moved on at speed directly opposite Lothar and his boyz.
Meanwhile, Angus's boyz were running as fast as their scabby green feet could carry them. Nine clanky, cranky Killa Kans moved up in front of two mobs of boyz led by Nobz. Angus's brother Bloodsnot bore a Kustom Force Field and its iridescent glow extended over most of the kans and boyz. Angus took a quick survey of his forces and shouted into the radio, "Where is simple jack!??" As if on cue a sturdy deff dredd rumbled by on the left side of Angus's run.
One of the Templar vehicles, a Predator, flared with brightness and suddenly Lothar and his boyz were shone like a super nova. Immediately all of the marine vehicles opened fire and about a third of Lothar's boyz perished. Angus quickly stuffed a few snotlings into his massive gun and shouted, "I'll rip off their privates parts like seeds in a cucumber!" The gun blazed with warp energy and a ball of purple shimmering light appeared around the predator. Inside the crew screamed in agony. The gunners cowered in fears but the driver was able to accelerate and the Predator moved out of noxious warp cloud.
As the two sides closed on each other the Marine vehicles continued to blaze away at Lothar and his boyz. The was reduced to a mere gaggle but the courageous Glory Stompers had closed in on the Land Raider. Angus continued to stuff Snotlings into his Shokk Attack Gun. However, as reliable as the gun was the Warp would not cooperate. Again the predator reeled from a direct hit but continued to maneuver. "Lothar!" screamed Angus over the din of battle, "Would you ever get off a your arse and pop dat tin kan of a tank!??" Lothar, the mighty nob, the veteran of the a dozen Waaaghs!, screamed in fury and hit the Land Raider with his powerklaw. Metal shrieked against metal, a load kachunk! reverberated across the battlefield, and the Land Raider ground to a halt as Lothar peeled off its tracks.
A hydraulic hiss issued from the Land Raider and a phalanx of gleaming Terminators charged down its assault ramp. The shaken Predator sped forward and interposed itself between Angus and the Terminator squad. On the eastern side of the Battlefield a Rhino disgorged a squad of marines and an emperor's champion. The marines assessed their situation, found it wanting, and cowered in the shadow of their transport. Meanwhile the enraged Terminators had quickly slaughtered the remnants of Lothar's mob. They found the nob with his powerklaw wedged between a sprocket and the hull of their immobilized Land Raider. With a mighty roar Lather wrenched his arm free and vivisected a Terminator. Simultaneously a thunderhammer smashed the skull of the noble greenskin. Lothar was killed to death. Having made short work of Lothar the Terminators moved to engage Angus the Big Mek.
Stoutstump the Kitten Eater, a famous nob with big teef, moved to engaged the Terminators. Bloodsnot and the killa kans occupied the middle of the battle field. The killa kans, eager to please their Mek Master, blasted away at a rhino with Kustom Mega Blastas, Rokkits, and Grotzookas. Miraculously, the Rhino emerged from the barrage unscathed. Angus blasted his Shokk Attack Gun at the meddling Predator and with a terrible "bzzap" sound the gun's warp field destroyed the marine tank. A shadow loomed out of the smoke in front of the Terminators. Simple Jack plowed into the elite squad. Twin skorchas bathed the terminators and one marine howled and died as the burning fuel melted his flesh. Simple Jack then grabbed two Terminators with his Dreadnought weapons and smashed them together like dolls. Alas, Simple Jack then succumbed to the might of two thunder hammers. The Terminators, now half strength, continued their advance on Angus.
The tumult continued. The hardened terminators moved up to engage Stoutstump the Kitten Eater. The marine's other Rhino unloaded its precious cargo: a squad of marines and a chaplain. On the other side of the battlefield the marine rhino sped away from the Emperor's champion. He mustered his squad and moved to assault a unit of killa kans. The Land Raider fired all of its weapons at a unit of killa kans and managed to destroy one. The kan exploded and the nearby orks cheered as the gretchin pilot's head shot into the lower atmosphere. The implacable terminators assaulted Stoutstump's squad. The orks were caught off guard by the chutzpah of the fleshy humans. A half-dozen or so orks perished in the initial assault and the marines lost two of their number.
On the Battle's eastern flank the emperor's champion and his squad assault a unit of killa kans but only managed to destroy one of the kans weapons. The kans focused their attacks on the Emperor's champion; one clumsy Dreadnought weapon managed to hit the Champions torso but his armor held true.
The orks moved quickly to bring their remaining forces into play. Inexplicably Stoutstump the Kitten Eater and his boyz succeeded in killing just one of the terminators. The killa kans continued to attack the Emperor's Champion but could not score a killing blow. Bloodsnot ran with his boyz to engage the Emperor's Champion.
The battle reached a tipping point. The Land Raider destroyed two more killa kans and the chaplain and his unit assaulted another unit of the pesky mini-dreadnoughts. The marine weapons proved largely ineffective against the kans. For their part the little Kans slew two marines. Meanwhile, the emperor's champion and his squad continued their chaotic melee against the killa kans but managed only to stun one. The killa kans, evidently frustrated by the emperor's champion, crushed the skulls of two ordinary marines and roared with delight. The last terminator finally succumbed to the blows of
Stoutstump's boyz.
Stoutstump the Kitten Eater led his boyz in a run towards the marine chaplain. Just a few more paces and he and his squad would crash into them. Bloodsnot's squad assaulted squad with the Emperor's champion, felling four Black Templar Marines. Angus peered through the smoke and debris for a target for his shokk attack gun but could not find one.
At this point the manuscript becomes fragmentary. It appears that either Angus the Big Mek called off the assault or the Black Templars succeeded in retreating in good order. As more of the Bello Angus is deciphered we may find out what happened on the plant gobamphetamine parrote those many years ago
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This was a 1500 point game in the escalation league at my local store. The mission was annihilation, the deployment dawn of war.
Black Templars: 3 Kill Points (squad of boyz, squad of kans, deff dead). Orks: 2 kill points (termies and predator). I almost cried when the game ended. One more turn would have netted me 4 more kill points. In terms of the league scoring I lost the game 13 to 10. A truly epic game--the most fun I've ever had losing a game certainly.
