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"Commander they've broken into the lower levels" Barked the small Ultramine scout,
"Hold your position, reinforcements will arrive soon" Called back the commander.

Suddenly the hard metal doors of the damp metal corridor ripped open, and in swarmed a croud of bloodletters surrounding a might Bloodcrusher of Khorne.
The Scouts swarmed forward in a defensive position bolter fire cracked and echoed around the corridor, a bloodletter surged forward impaling a scout on his long blade.
A squad of spacemarines moved forwards from the opposite door, "Get down!" They cried, the petrified scouts dropped to the ground, as the Ultramarines surged forwards there commander dived forward his long cape flourishing behind him.
Drawing his blade he dived at the Bloodcrusher,
"you cannot defeat me mortal" Cackled the Bloodcrusher,
"I will die in the defense of my chapter Chaos scum" Replied the Commander,
"That you will" the blood crusher made his move bringing his mighty axe down upon the marine captain,
the captain was just fast enough to raise his small blade to block the mighty blow.
The shrieks of bloodletters rebounded off every wall as blood flourished up the walls in long sprays
A Scout looked in horror as a bloodletter finished off his friend at his side and turned towards him slashing him across the chest.

The vicious dual between the commander and the bloodcrusher continued but the commander was under the strain of the mighty blows
the commander was just to slow and the mighty axe bearing the mark of Khorne flattened the commander and left a puddle of crimson blood surrounded the left over remains.
The rest of the bloodletters swarmed towards the next door, then the vicious cry of the Bloodcrusher boomed.
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!"

Interesting, albeit a bit short and succinct. There was quite a bit of story to tell there.

Your punctuation and your capitalization were distractors, but by and larger they are easy fixes should you choose to revisit this.