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So this was going to be the fluff for some renegade IG was going to start at some point in the future. However, it has sort of turned into a story all of it's own. So far I have the prologue. There is a bit of original fluff in here somewhere too for those who are familiar with the nids. I don't intend to take credit for it, but thought it would be fun to add since it's something nid players can relate to.

Prologue

Chief Librarian Tigurius walked towards the podium. His ears were filled with the sounds of cheering and applause for his deeds in battle and foresight in detecting the alien menace. He could barely hear them. He fought back tears of anger as he approached and silently cursed them for the fools that they were. As he reached the dais he spoke.

"What cause do you have for such a display of laughter and cheer, for I see none?" his voice boomed across the hall.

The crowded hall suddenly became silent as they felt the anger in his tone. A meek voice pierced it

"Victory is ours. The Tyranid menace has been defeated never to return. Is that not cause for celebration?"

Tigurius’ eyes sought the voice of the imbecile and quickly found him though he did not recognize his face. He turned his gaze directly to the man and spoke in slow deliberate tones. He could still feel the euphoria of victory rippling through the crowd and he wanted to ensure his words were not discarded hastily. There was too much at stake.

"Were you there council man? On the fields of Macragge? Did you do your duty by the Emperor?"

"I was not present" he said, in a tone as defiant as he could muster.

"Then you do not see what I saw. I am a Space marine. Born of the Primarch who rests on Macragge, and a servant of the Emperor of Mankind. We fight and we are victorious. It is the only way known to us."

His eyes scanned the crowd and saw that his words were having the intended effect. He continued,
"Upon Macragge however, we faced a foe unlike any other faced before. We fought as only space marines can and yet we could barely stem the onslaught. Yes we are victorious in this encounter, but at what cost and will we fare as well in the next?"

"Chief Librarian, did you not say that we are victorious? The threat has been ended due to the noble sacrifice of the crew of The Dominus Astra and through the bravery of the Astartes. What next encounter are you referring to? Surely we now have nothing to fear?"
There were nods of agreement and once again Tigurius felt his choler rise at the blindness of the man who spoke.

"I was there council man. I took to the field and personally slew a great number of these aliens. One in particular has troubled my dreams since. As I took the abominations life the creature spoke to me, though not in any language known to man. It spoke through it’s mind and all I can say is this." Tigurius looked around the hall again and saw that he had piqued their interest.
"As I looked into its dead black eyes, I saw the terrible sentience it had in place of a soul. Behind that was the steel will of its leader. Further still I could feel its primogenitor coldly assessing me from the void. And looking back from the deepest recesses of the alien’s mind I perceived what I can describe only as an immortal hunger. We can slay the Tyranids on our worlds, blast their fleets from space, grind their armies to torn and ruined fragments. But their hunger? That is beyond our ability to slay. I tell you now, and know that you have been warned. The Tyranids shall return. We have seen but a fraction of their strength and yet they nearly triumphed. They are a species without fear and are as relentless as the burning of the stars themselves. The strength of will of their primogenitor haunts me still. A hunger so endless that it would see the death of the entire galaxy but to sate its desire. We cannot let this come to pass. We cannot be found wanting in the crucible of war. We must prepare! We must fight! We shall prevail!"

Tigurius’ words had not fallen on deaf ears. His speech itself had grown to a thunderous climax in which he knew no man nor space marine could defy nor disregard. Applause again greeted his ears though this time there was no anger. There was relief. His purpose had been served. Now the real battle was to begin. Preparations were to be made to combat the Tyranid menace with help from the esteemed Inquisitor Kryptman. Another incursion could not be afforded and Tigurius knew only too well how fast the Hive mind adapted. The Chief librarian allowed himself a glimmer of hope. The council had heard his words and safeguards could now be hastily made to ensure that next time the Imperium would be ready…

Tigurius was wrong…


CHAPTER 1

Inquisitor Tharne looked out from his drop ship as it made it’s descent into the lower atmosphere. The planet Telon V looked like many other planets in the Imperium. Sprawling factory complexes and industrial zones dotted the landscape. He recalled briefly his mission. Though the Inquisition was a secretive organization at the best of times he knew that the planetary governor would have guessed the purpose of his visit. The recent Alpha legion invasion would have made the populace a top priority for quarantine, lest any taint had spread and contaminated the locals. The inquisitor frowned slightly. Although the ruinous powers often used trickery and deceit, the surrounding circumstances of the war had been peculiar to say the least. Immediately upon the invasion the planetary governor had acted with great efficiency. The local regiments had been formed up to combat the menace and a plea sent out to local systems. The Inquisition had been adamant that there was to be no rescue. A warp storm of great strength was spiraling its way towards the beleaguered system and chances were that any rescue attempt would just be a waste of resources. Not everyone had listened. The Ultramarines had been the first to arrive and had dedicated a half company to blunt the invasion while the Imperial guard amassed their full strength. The Ultramarines themselves had rushed to evacuate non-enlisted citizens and had even helped with the proceedings, lending their own battle barge and several transports to the mammoth task. Then the warp storm had arrived. For almost 6 weeks the storm raged until, suddenly and unexpectedly, it abated. There was no clue as to why since it had been predicted to last almost a century. When the first relief vessels from the Ultramarines arrived they deployed quickly expecting fierce resistance. This was not the case. Though the populace had survived and repelled the invasion there remained not a single live space marine. The Astartes had taken their dead and left in damning silence, leaving the Ordo Hereticus to launch their full investigation of what had transpired on planet.

Awesome! I loved the way you really captured the sense of purpose of Tigurius, especially the way you used actual quotes from the fluff. I'm interested as to where this is going to go, and shall be watching.

Keep it up!

Thanks. I will be working on it soon, but I work slow. The storyline is in place but I'm not sure on how to put it together.

Thanks again.

Give us any hints? This board is also used to discuss how people can improve their writing and develop their storylines and whatnot.

Well there is supposed to be a big twist. The prologue actually gives it away but the story is going to (hopefully) be so in depth that people fail to realise its significance. I will start putting pen to paper soon, but I should warn you, the next installment will be big so there will be a bit of a wait. So yeah, not so many hints yet...but just wait.

So, any tips on how to improve on what you have read so far?

I forsee much 'om' and 'nom' in the future of this tale...

I like the way this is written so far, compact and to the point, not too wordy, pretty good

steempunk wrote:I forsee much 'om' and 'nom' in the future of this tale...

Anyways, you're very good at really expressing the characters, but in the prolouge that was the whole point. When actually writing, especially in action scenes, don't get too bogged down by the character(s). Keep the story moving. But don't miss out anything important and try to really capitalize on the humanity of the characters, seeing as how this is probably going to be a guard/human point of view story. Either way, your stuff is awesome, so you can't go too far wrong!

Just added the next section.

Hmm, very curious, nice cliff-hanger...Although were are fighting the Alpha Legion now? No 'nids...confused...

I'm glad you are confused. TBH I was worried that my plot might be too transparent. Confusion on behalf of the reader means it's not.