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Okay, this is my first attempt on fluff/fiction/whatever
It's the story of a brutal war fought by my own sm chapter

here we go:

part 1 : preparation

453.M41, Strike Cruiser "Fleshspear" entered orbit around the planet of Rithan.

On board, Veteran Brother Iarius was making his way to the hangar. "Tactical sqauds Sons of Belion and Warmongers , prepare for drop in hangar 05-A" sounded it over the ships vox.
Iarius started running , as he had to go trough 3 sectors still , and pushed away servotors and ship-crew alike, only halting for Chaplain Weras and several other members of the Black Caste .
On arrival in the hangar , he saw his squad lining up in front of Captain Agaitus for the litany of survival, and walked to them.As he got close Captain Agaitus turned "Iarius, you're late,as always"
"Sorry Brother-Captain,I was held up by ...euh.. Latrinnal duty...for the Emperors Greater Glory!"Iarius replied."Spare my your excuses, Iarius, and board up already" "yes sir".
After the short coversation Iarius ordered his squad into the Thunderhawk, named Fireflight, together with the other squad, the Warmongers. On board his men took seat in the "cargo" room,and Iarus went to the cockpit.Backus,the co-pilot of the Fireflight turned his head as he heard someone coming. "Aah Iarius,you're here,long time no seen Brother!" " Hello Brother, Whats the briefing, ive missed it"
"Nothing special" Backus replied "We aproach Hive Darkness from the west, land on the cental plaza ,Square 10 in sector 15-5D,there we will secure a landing zone for armour and dropzone for terminators"
"Ok,tell me where is Squad Ionus wern't they going with us?" 'Alas,almost the entire squad succumbed to the Rage, Venerable Brother Victus will join us, he's already brought in" "Ok, Ill see you later Brother"
After he got on his seat, Iarius heard the rumbling noise of the Fireflight's engine awakening for flight. Just before takeof Iarius made a last thought to the Emperor

end of part one, more (maybe) to come

haha latrinal duty

good start.

I will have to read more before i can make a good opinion but its off to a good start.

Thanks guys, i will try to do second part today!

Please don't write the whole thing in Italics, that is my only REAL complaint. Otherwise this really isn't a sample, it's more like spill over, like you have this idea for a story and had to write something down so you threw together an intro while you work the rest out. Don't be nervous about writing on here even if it stinks people won't burn you too bad.

Another thing... Fleshspear? Have I been spending too much time on reddit? Is this a culture thing? Why doesn't this seem right in my mind?

ok part 2: the "landing

With a loud noise the Fireflight descended trough the dark sky. All around them aa-fire flied harmesly past them,only on a few moments hitting the thunderhawk.
"Only one mile to drop point,prepare" Backus shouted.
Iarius untightend himself from the holding equipment, and grabbed his gear.
"Squad,on me" Iarius said
Suddnely an alarm went of.
"missile lock!"
A second later a huge shock was felt ,and the thunderhawk was without pilots (or cockpit).
"The Emperor protect us,the cockpit has been blown of, were going down!" Tellas, one of Iarius his sqaud shouted.
"tighten seatbelts and prepare for crash,Iskar check the Dreadnought's holders ,we will certainly need him!" Iarius shouted over the high pitched alarm
that indicated height loss. Iarius looked trough the window ,to see the ground just mere feet below them,and he braced himself for the crash.
With a loud noise,and an enormous shock the Fireflight rammed itself in the ground.

For a few moments all was quiet.Then an armoured hand tore apart the side of the wreck,and the giant armoured form of Brother Victus wrestled itself out of
the remains of the ship.Iarius followed.
"Whats the status" he asked over the comm.
"Three dead in our squad,two in the other,one missing and an total of five wounded" Iskar replied
"Sir! Scanner shows multiple incoming signals!"
"Probaly looters,dig in around the wreck,Tellas search for Denos his heavy bolter and ammo ,we will need it" Iarius ordered
The other squad looked at him, "what of us ,sir?" one asked.
"Where is sergeant Arius ?"
"Amongst the dead ,sir"
"Alright ,position around the wreck,heavy weapons in the middle.
After that,Iarius runned toward the makeshift trench and took his bolter (he prefers long range firefight over brutal close combat) and looked
towards the horizon.
Everything was clear ,until suddenly several figures apeared from over the hill.
"Greenskins... foul xenos" Iarius said to himselve .
"Open fire!" he shouted
For the Orks it was as if a storm went alive.
The first ones took several hits,and only when they died, the others runned for cover.
After that it was justthe interchance of weapon fire,and the occasional dead ork.
Suddenly an new group arrived and instead of taking cover with the others they charged towards
the marines
"Irritating Orks,they never can stay at an distance!" Iarius cursed,and he stagered to his feet.
"Squad with me,chaaarge!"

end of part 2

It was good I think but a couple remarks, there is a space after coma and period. Always reread and edit, it can help you notice petty small things, like for instance.

The first ones took several hits,and only when they died, the others runned for cover.
After that it was justthe interchance of weapon fire,and the occasional dead ork.

I'm going to sort of break down this sentence first, obviously always space after coma and you never put a coma before an and.

''The others runned for cover'' I think you meant ran for cover and a mistake you could have fixed by rereading would be when you put justthe as one word and interchance, im assuming you meant interchange of gunfire. Lastly Ork is always capitalized but I see you did that when they were mentioned other times.
I hate conventions and punctuation greatly but it can help further your writing a lot. Sorry if what I said sounded mean at all. As for content I enjoyed it, write more soon. By the way, my punctuation is not the greatest either and I tend to make mistakes.