Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Heyy everyone, this is the fluff for my custom chapter the Angels of Malice. C&C would be appreciated!

Name: Angels of Malice

Progenitor: Unknown, records expunged.

Founding: Unknown, possibly sometime in late 539.M41

Homeplanet: Silicus; Orthos Sector; Segmentum Obscurus

Silicus: A harsh planet, riddled with massive gorges and cuts in the planet, only the equator is habital - where massive beasts and ancient horrors lurk in the tropical jungles. It orbits not one, but three stars all equallt spaced from the planet and as such, the orbit of the planet is ever shifting.

Chapter Master: Formally Irtax Meniath(excommunicate traitoris), now led by Captain Velanor - second company

Main Colours: White, Black

Battle Cry: "My fury as my weapon!"

Appearance: Recruits from Silicus have been noted to show a 92% chance of having purple eyes, many marines are unusually tall.

Organisation With only around 250 surviving loyalist members of the chapter, Captain Velanor has been forced to shun the Codex Astartes in favour of organising his troops as the mission sees fit.


History

The Sons of Malice have had one of the most tumultuous histories of any space marine chapter known to date. All records of their founding has been lost, many whisper they are a failed experiment to create loyalist marines from Traitor Legion geneseed, however, these whispers have little-if any-merit. However, they do posses a tome known as the "Valde Ordo" which is sealed and posses time-stamps dating back to the late 539.M41. This tome carries instructions not to be opened untill a time where there is "No Hope."

In 999.M41 Chapter Master Irtax Meniath turned renegade, along with the first, third, fourth and seventh comapnies during Abaddon's 13th Black Crusade. The renegades turned on their brothers while they attempted to hold the Black Legion from advancing into Imperial territory, taking the loyalists by surprise and slaughtering many before a retreat could be organised. In the ensuing counter-strike, the entire 8th, 9th and 10th company was lost while the 2nd 5th and 6th took heavy casualties. Beaten back by both their former brothers and the Black Legion, the only surviving loyalist captain, Velanor Icarus of the second company, declared a tactical withdrawel from the planet, deeming it lost. The traitors were declared Excommunicate Traitoris and the Angels of Malice were subject to harsh Inquisitorial scrutiny before rigorus screens for any more signs of corruption.

Now, although sorely depleted, the loyalists continue to fight on. Trying to destroy their traitorus brethren and prove to all others, their unfallible purity. Due to the sting of betrayal, the Angels of Malice are extremely hessitant in working with other members of the Imperium and will rarely work alongside other chapters.

The chapter is now heavily pressed on equipment and ships, older armour and weapons have been re-adopted and vehicles are kept to a pristine standard by the survivng techmarines.

Notable Battles

667.M41: The Angels of Malice respond to a distress call coming from a Adeptus Sororotis missionary world from the Order of the Ebon Chalice, only to find it under seige by a large force of Iron Warriors. The Angels of Malice's strike force begins counter-strike manoevers, elements of the 1st and 7th comapnies drop into the thickest of the fighting via drop pod, while the rest of the strike force attack Iron Warriors forces which lie within or around the Missionary's cathedrals, store depots and reliquaries. Brother-sargeant Velanor leads the assualt of the reliquary of St.Katherine, only to find the Warsmith leading the assualt plunderring an ancient sword from a hollow statue of the saint. Velanor and his force assualt the Warsmith and his terminator bodyguard. Velanor losses his right-arm to a foul blow by the tainted artifact-sword to which he answers with a swift blow of his power fist. The Warsmith is killed and the Iron Warriors enter a retreat. Brother-sargeant Velanor is awrded terminator honours for his bravery and elevated to the 1st company.

745.M41: Captain Arania dies at the hands of the Bloodthirster Ka'Dagerr'ath when planet Silicus IV comes under assualt from daemonic forces. The chapter responds in full to quash the daemonic threat.

819.M41: The Angels of Malice come into contact with a massive Ork freeboterz fleet under the command of Warboss Starkilla. The chapter fleet engages the many roks and other vessels in a titanic space battle. Chapter Master Irtax Meniath leads the boarding of Starkilla's personal vessel; the space hulk designated "Eternal Torment". Ultimately the Ork Warlord escapes and the chapter fleet is in severe disrepair after 2 days of boarding actions and dogfights by both sides.

999.M41: Captain Velanor and his surviving forces retreat back to Silicus after the betrayel of their brothers. Here, he oversees the rebuilding and reconstruction of his chapter.

Notable Characters

Captain Velanor Icarus: Captain of the second company, was elevated to the rank of Captain after slaying the chaos lord known as Raspuur the Mad, favoured of Khorne. Is in possession of the Nightmare Weave, an archaic cloak said to have been woven during the Great Crusade. It is said that the shroud is made by a long-forgotten xenos race and is stronger than tempered adamantium and as such, it has saved his life on more than one occasion.



Well thanks for reading! More to be added soon!

MA.

Pretty good start.
It's a bit basic, needs a bit more fleshing out.
Things like homeworld etc
I recomend doing at least 2 notable battles or conflicts
A couple of notable characters of the chapter wouldn't go astray.
Do they adapt to any tactical situation or do they have a certain way of doing things?
How do they interact with other members of the Imperium and other Astartes chapters?
Are they low on equipment, ships etc?

purplefood wrote:Pretty good start.
It's a bit basic, needs a bit more fleshing out.
Things like homeworld etc
I recomend doing at least 2 notable battles or conflicts
A couple of notable characters of the chapter wouldn't go astray.
Do they adapt to any tactical situation or do they have a certain way of doing things?
How do they interact with other members of the Imperium and other Astartes chapters?
Are they low on equipment, ships etc?

Thanks for the criticism, I've added some more fluff, mainly notable battles. I'm hoping to have more up by tomorrow!

MA.

Never, ever, give a character purple eyes, much less a whole pack of them. It instantly marks them as a Mary Sue.

Why exactly are they down to 350 marines?

Your Friend Doctor Robert wrote:Never, ever, give a character purple eyes, much less a whole pack of them. It instantly marks them as a Mary Sue.

Why exactly are they down to 350 marines?

The purple eye point you made has got me curious, why does it make them "Mary Sue"? (I just did it because I like purple The models themselves all have red)

They are down to around 250 marines after taking heavy casualties in their chapter civil war and losing a full 7 companies. (4 renegade, 3 killed) the other 50ish lost were casualties from surviving companies.

++EDIT++
Sorry just realised my math was off...
it was meant to be 250.

The different eye colour kinda starts to make them sound mary sue but i thought it was okay since the Cadians have violet eyes...
Now if you started to say this meant they were destined for greatness or it made them all psykers then it would be Mary Sue.

purplefood wrote:The different eye colour kinda starts to make them sound mary sue but i thought it was okay since the Cadians have violet eyes...
Now if you started to say this meant they were destined for greatness or it made them all psykers then it would be Mary Sue.

I just liked purple...

MA.

It's just a red flag in a lot of fanfic, purple eyes are used to make a character seem special, and generally special characters in fanfic end up as Mary Sues.

I'd recommend saying that many of their homeworld's denizens have purple eyes if you insist on it.

Good idea...

Thaks for the advice guys.