Sinister Chaos Marine
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Hey dakkadakka. I have been writing some fluff for an upcoming series of bat-reps that me my cousins and sister will be undertaking and I wanted some feed back on the first part. Tips for improvement would be much appreciated.
First up, I want to tell you a little something about the first main characters:
Gorak: He is the chapter master of the Blood Dragons (Idk if the name has been taken) chaos marines. He has been tasked with a special mission by Abbaddon himself on the planet of Crovia. He shares a dark past, that will be unveiled as the story goes on, with the daemon princess Ravia. He is cold, ruthless and utterly obsessed with proving himself.
Ravia: daemon princess of slaanesh and Goraks minder on his important mission. she is very calm, and nonchalant about most things. If you piss her off then you really screwed up =).
Big Mek Gitsompa: Leader of the ork forces on Crovia. he just finished stompin the imperial garrison and is ready for more when Gorak shows up. His prayers to Gork and Mork for more action have been answered!
Not too much detail on them give as I want to develop their characters, and tell their stories as the overall tale goes by.
The space around Crovia was a graveyard. Ships of all sizes and classifications were floating in ruin around the planet, slowly making their death cycle in the planets orbit before being pulled burning down through the atmosphere to impact upon the ravaged planet below. There were dozens of wrecks, making it almost impossible to navigate the space around the planet without colliding with one. As a result any survivors that might have existed at the end of the battle had found themselves trapped in a labyrinth of burning steel from which there was no escape.
They inevitably met the same fate as the wrecks, slowly, and silently spiraling to their doom. Because of this, all was quiet, with only the souls of the dead and the damned to bear witness to the devastation surrounding the hive planet.
Suddenly a pinprick of purple light appeared. At first it was indiscernible from the stars around it, but gradually it grew in size until finally, an explosion of light bright enough to burn out a mans retinas, lit the area shattering the eerie silence that was enveloping the area. It was shortly replaced by a tear in reality of huge proportion.
Inside the tear were visages that could only have been spawned in the worst nightmares of the most wicked of souls. These shapes were constantly swirling, clawing and biting at each other. Suddenly a gargantuan shape overshadowed them, and they dispersed, like a school of fish scattering away from a predator of the deep. No sooner had the shadow appeared then a ship of terrifying proportion began to emerge from it. It took several minutes for the ship to complete the transition from the warp to reality, such was its size. As soon as the ship finished its birth from the immaterium, the wound in reality closed. In its place a ship, black as the space it floated in, and covered in guns from its engines to its prow, was left. It was completely covered in all but one place. On the port side of the ship, there was embossed a rearing red dragon, mouth open in a snarl of perpetual anger and blood lust that could never be satisfied. Very similar in nature to the being that controlled the ship.
As imposing as this all was, there was yet one more feature to inspire fear in the hearts of all mortals who laid eyes upon it. The prow of the ship was an open maw, forged in the shape of a snarling dragon’s mouth, with a cannon of huge proportion protruding from between its gargantuan jaws.
The ship did not move after translation to real-space, instead it held position where it had been birthed, and observed the planet the way a predator eyes its next meal.
And it was indeed a predator eying the planet. The master of the ship stares at the main display of the command deck, with a look of hunger on his face, and the undying urge for violence in his eyes.
“Its glorious.” rumbles a voice like thunder, from in the poorly lit command deck. Despite the darkness, it wasn’t hard to see why the ships master was pleased. The planet was burning. All of its major cities were on on fire, and the ships master fancied that if he were to silence the ship he could hear the screams of dying. The thought brought a cold smile to the shipmasters face. ‘How many dead?’ he wondered idly. ‘Is there anything left to kill?’ By the gods he hoped so. “Are there any survivors?” growled the predator in a voice that reminded those who heard it of the molten core of a planet raging against its own confinement. One of the ratings stuttered out a terrified response. “N-no my lord. The sensors aren’t picking up any radio transmissions, or heat signatures. All the ships are either destroyed or wrecked beyond resistance or even use.” The predator grunted in response, and the rating gave a silent thanks to whatever god had preserved his life for the time being. All was silent for a moment. Then the rating jumped, as the beast spoke again. “It appears that the engagement was fought between the imperial dogs, and the ork scum.” The rating didn’t know if he was supposed to speak or not, either way he could be dead within the next few seconds. The master hated when he wasn’t answered, as well as when those beneath him spoke out of turn. Finally the wretch made a decision, took a deep breath and spoke. “Yes my lord, the sensor arrays are picking out planetary defense force ships as well as ork hulks.” Pleased with this answer, the master responded “Are we within communication range?” “No my lord. We will have to go through the wreckage in order to-“He was suddenly cut off as the beast rumbled, “All engines power up! Gun safeties off! I want us within communication range with that planet in thirty seconds or shall I kill every one of you wretches...NOW!!!”
Before the last word had even finished leaving the beasts mouth the ship was moving toward the planet, firing all guns as it went. All except the maw cannon of course, the world needed to be there when they reached it, not obliterated.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to the crew of the command deck, they reached maximum communication range with the planet.
“You!” he rumbled from his command throne to yet another wretch. “Find, someone to contact down there, imperial, ork it doesn’t matter, whoever is alive, contact them!” “Yes my lord” sniveled a husk, almost unidentifiable as human, and surly without a determinable sex. After a few moments the wretch spoke again. “We have a signal great one.” The commander punched a fist into the palm of the other hand before responding “Well? What are you waiting for, establish a connection!’ he roared. The wretch, remembering how his predecessor had been shot for not responding quickly enough, immediately did as he was bidden.
The video feed was now connected, and what a sight would greet whomever the ships master was communicating with. Sitting on a black iron throne was a bronze giant. The being was so swollen with chaotic powers that the only armor available to him was that of the terminator. The armors edging was picked out in red and resting across his lap was an axe as black as hate itself and easily the size of a guardsmen. This indeed was an imposing sight to behold.
The sight that in turn greeted this monster however was as baffling as his image was intimidating. All the ship master could see was a red eye. Then after several long moments, it spoke.
“Oi! Is dis fing on?!” yelled the eye. Another voice spoke up tentatively, obviously afraid of not giving the right answer, “Is the red light on?” “Yeah!” responded the original voice. “Then yeah, it’s on boss.” “Oh, good!” yelled the first voice. “I’m Big Mek-WHAT?” bellowed the eye suddenly “I said, you need to step back a bit boss, all he can seez is your eye…PLEASE DON”T KICK ME AGAIN!!!” a thumping noise followed by whimpering told the bronze giant that the meek voice had indeed been kicked…again. This amused him. “Er, um, ehe! I knew that ya lousy git I was testin ya!” continued the eye.
Finally the eye stepped back to reveal an ork of massive proportion, almost equaling the monster on the throne in size, with several bionics discernable, and a massive machine, with a lightning rod on top protruding from his back, the purpose of which, his viewer could only guess at. Completing the image was a power klaw wreathing his left arm.
“Like I was sayin, I’m Big Mek Gitstompa. Who are ya, and what do ya want? Besides a good stopmin for interupptin the squig race I was watchin.” stated Gitstompa, chuckling at the last part. The shipmaster immediately stormed out of his throne and roared back at the image “I am Lord Gorak, commander of the Blood Dragons chaos marines! Are you the ruler of this pathetic excuse for a planet?” Gitstompa smiled before responding, showing all his gold teeth. “I am now, hur hur hur.” Gorak felt the blood rage in him rising at the impudence of this pathetic greenskin.
”I have been sent here by the Great Despoiler to claim this planet. I did not contact you to offer the chance of surrender; your kind is too stupid to do so anyway. No, I contacted you so you would know that you would have the honor of having your skull offered to Khorne and how I will personally remove it from its place atop your shoulders. Look upon me and see your doom greensk-” Gorak was suddenly cut off by the sound of snoring. Incensed, he turned his gaze back up to the screen, he had begun to pace during his rant, and saw the ork slumped over in a chair fast asleep. So enraged was Gorak that he could not even voice the emotion, instead he bellowed at the top of his lungs. And put his fist through the back of the communication slaves skull, spattering grey matter and bone across the controls.
Gitstompa snorted awake at the sound of crunching bone, and chortled. “Those are pretty words right enough, but if you fink your ‘ard enough then come down ‘ere and have a go! GOBBIN! Send our base coordi-thingies to the angry statue and shut the red light. We got more fun ‘eadin our way.”
Gitstompa then sat down and retrieved a massive pipe from next to his chair and lit it, puffing thoughtfully on it, and blowing rings into the air as Gobbin, having regained consciousness, stumbled back over to the controls to send the coordinates and shut the feed. The former was accomplished quickly, but the later was not, and as such, Gitstompa was enraged to see the red light still on. “GOBBIN!” bellowed Gitstompa. “Why didn’t you shut the camera fingy?!” without waiting for a response he drew his slugga and shot both Gobbin and the communication device, “Dakka dakka dakka!” The communication suddenly cut off, to be replaced with a string of coordinates on the screen. Gorak, immediately stomped over to the ship intercom, “All troops prepare to drop, pilots open links for coordinate sync. We launch immediately! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” the cry was echoed around the ship as the chapter prepared for war.
Gorak was still seething over the exchange of words when a feminine giggle echoed through the chamber. “Ah Gorak, still the hot head I remembered you as I see.” The voice was coming from the shadows behind him. He whirled around opening his eyes as wide as they would go trying to take in as much light as possible to make out the intruder. His efforts were for naught however as the voice stepped giggling out of the shadows in to the pale light cast off by the view screens.
The interloper was feminine of that there was no doubt. Having stepped into the light, she now made her way to the center of the room where Gorak was standing axe raised and poised for violence. Up close, the top of her head barely reached his collar bone, and where he was a mountain made of metal, flesh and bone, she was slender and lithe, wearing only enough white, silver edged armor to cover her womanhood. And it most certainly wasn’t enough to cover the entirety of her supple blue body. She wore no gauntlets, no boots, and no helmet. The last allowed Gorak to see the amusement dancing behind her eyes at the axe raised against her. Those disturbing silver eyes… “Oh put that away would you, before it rusts.” Gorak grunted, and though he felt his rage spike at her easy dismissal of his potential for violence, he complied. He wouldn’t dare strike Abbaddons representative, not yet, not until an unavoidable situation arose.
She nodded slowly before continuing on, “See, you can control yourself. Which leads me to question why Gorak, did you had to announce your presence to the orks. Could you not simply have attacked, and slaughtered them before they could resist.” “You know damn well that I couldn’t have Ravia. Khorne despises such cowardly acts, and I would not have his displeasure, not at this critical juncture. But you would know nothing of the ways of a true god; a powerful god…would you slut of the pleasure god?”
Gorak then had to resist the urge to put his fist through another menial’s skull when she laughed off his scornful dismissal of her god. “Kill, slaughter, shed blood, and die before having your own skull added to the Skull Lords throne. That is the life your god creates for you, I could not live such a pointless life, one with only one sense being fulfilled. It would have been so…dull, so much like our old lives.” she giggled. “But back to the point, now I see why Abaddon saw fit for me to be your minder for this mission.” “I need no watchdog!” roared Gorak. “Apparently you do” replied Ravia. “Look what you did. You know how important this mission is, yet instead of slaughtering the orks while they slept off their celebrations of conquest, you told them ‘Here we come!’ This mission needs to be completed swiftly. The thirteenth crusade depends on success.” And for the first time since her appearance a grim look crossed Ravias beautiful features. “You know the price of failing the Despoiler, I can honestly say that I hope that you never incur that debt.” Now it was Goraks turn to laugh. “Ah! Now the truth comes out does it? You’ve been sent to collect by head should I fail eh? Well Ravia, don’t worry, the fact that you can’t beat me need not be tested, for victory is mine the minute my boots touch that planets soil. The red river will flow, and no one can stop it!” His bellowing laughter echoed around the chamber as Ravia gave a theatric bow before backing into the shadows once more. Unheard by anyone but the dark she muttered under her breath, “We shall see Gorak, we shall see.”
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: 1850
" -KingCracker
oh yeah.......