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Made in za
Maniacal Gibbering Madboy






Here's something I typed up while I should have been working. The Ork spelling is a bit sketchy at times, but bear with me. Maybe I'll go over it later and turn all the "I's" to "Ah's" and "the's" to "da's". Anyway, enjoy:

A Skarboy'z Tale

- We wuz blastin' through da air in wun a dem bomma wotzitz. It wuz me, Zogsnik, Dimzugz, hoose a mekboy, an' sum uvver ladz. An' lest we ferget, dere wuz Zagrokk, all 'appy 'bout 'is new klaw. All told dere musta been… lots uv us. More dan four, anywayz.
- Gnasha sez dere wuz a bunch!
- Roight, a bunch - a hole bloody lot! Duz it zoggin' matter?
- What wuz ya packin'?
- We wuz mostly packin' shootaz dat time - dis wuz before dat skrap we had when Zogga blew up dat amoonishun pile -
- [chuckles] Dat was a proppa larf!
- It waz a right good larf, wazn't it? Dats why Greeza'z got a piece a metal stuck in 'is forehead, in case ya were wundrin. Anyway, so it wuz bakk den, so we all had shootaz still. Me an' da rest uv da ladz wuz sittin' in dat metal bird, rarin' ta go! Only a while bakk we 'ad been scrappin' our way out uv da woods - I musta chopped five 'umiez in half along da way. Ah mean, we wuz just massakrin' dem.
- Teef, or it didn't happen!
- 'Ooz got time fer teef when yer choppin', ya git? I got teefmarks on me bootz, is wut I got. Where wuz I?
- Ya wuz sittin' in an iron bird.
- An' da skrewz were cummin' loose inside dis fing. Dimzugz, 'e wuz runnin' up an' down 'ammerin' fings, fiddlin' wit bitz. An' it wuz tikkin' Zagrokk off sumthin' proppa! Zagrokk neva trusted a mekboy. 'E just wazn't dat kind uv Ork. Either ya wuz choppin', or ya wuz shootin' - anyfing else, ya mite as well be a beaky! So 'e goez over ta Dimzugz an' tellz 'im 'Kut out da funny stuff!' Good work, Zagrokk! Ya just tole da mekboy not ta 'old da plane tagether! But Dimzugz wazn't haven' nun uv it. 'E tole Zagrokk strate, 'e sez: 'Wut da ya mean, funny biznis? If I don' do this, ya betta get akwainted wiff ya parashoot real soon like.'
- Musta had sum cheek in 'im, den.
- Dimzugz mighta been a mek, but 'e wuzn't wun ta bakk down from a fite. But anywayz, dat's 'ow it 'appened. Next fing we knew, Zagrokk 'ad 'is klaw stukk in da floor and Dimzugz wuz zappin' 'im wiff wun 'a dose mek zappaz wut dey use. So dis zap from Dimzugz' gun - Ah'll neva ferget dis - it goez all ova Zagrokk'z armour and into da floor, wutz made a metal too. Suddenly itz black - all da lites 'ave gone out. An dere wuz a poppin' sound from da front. An den it wuz like we wuz on a plank on a ledge, and we wuz slowly tippin' over - ya know wha' ah mean? Dats wen ah reached fer me parashoot!
- So it wuz da mek wit dun it?
- Well, da mek did da shootin' but da Nob did da rest. Soon as we started tippin' forward, it wuz every Ork fer 'imself. We all got thrown ta da back a da plane. We wuz goin' real down really fast, an' no one kould see wit dey wuz doin'. Sum shootaz wuz goin' off - ah took a slug in da ribz meself. An den dere wuz just dis bleedin' 'ard fump, like all da werld'z kanz 'ad landed on one spot at da same time.
Ah rememba sum a me teef shattered on da spot. An dat wuz it fer a while.
- Ya blakked out?
- Just a bit. When ah came to, ah felt like a squiq wutz 'ad a bellyful a grotshit. Ah mean, me armz wuz bust, me leg wuz bust, me 'ead wuz bust. Only place dat wasn't bust wuz bruised up. Sumwun musta found a dok somewhere, coz dere wuz wun at me feet - sneeky bastard! 'Lookin' fer spare parts?' I sez. 'E shoves off, so ah pick meself up and look around. First fing ah see is old Zagrokk wif a spike a metal froo 'is gut, blood cummin out all ova 'im. Sum a da ladz wuz pullin' da klaw off his arm, and 'e wuz swearin' 'em off, sayin' 'Ya zoggin' gitz, when ah pull dis out me gut, ah'll dissaplin every zoggin' wunna you!' But 'e didn't make it dat far. We did a 'eadkount and dere wuz still lotza us so all in all we wasn't bovvered.
- Wha' about Dimzugz?
- 'E wuz fine! And a good fing too, 'e came in handy later. Anywayz, we wuz in an open field. Bad newz no matta where ya are. Dere wuz sum trees in da distance and we kould 'ear sum shootin' from dat side. Also, dere wuz a lot a flak in da sky, so maybe it wuz good we went down da way we did becoz dat flak kan rip a new mouf in ya mug, so ah herd, and we wuz 'eadin' in dat direkshun. Nobudy wuz in charge, and nun uv us felt like fightin' over it, so we just ended up doin' wut Dimzugz tole us, an' dat wuz 'Stay put, 'elp's on da way.' Suddenly - whoom! - two ladz watt took da lookout just blew up. It's 'ard ta deal wiff sumfin' like dat. First da plane krash, an' now… none uv us were ready fer it yet so we all dived fer cover behind da bomma wreckage - such az it wuz.
- Waidaminnit! If dey blowed up, wut done blowed dem up den?
- Gork's gak, yer a dim wun aintcha? Hoo wuz we dere ta fite dat time?
- Da 'umiez?
- Da 'umiez's rite. Da 'umiez wot had dem big frakkin' tanks wot blowed all our wagons up. Wot blowed Dashzag and Zig up right dere in front uv me. Whooom! Just like dat - hole da siza a trukk wiff two pairza Ork feet in da middle. We wuz all scrambling' fer cova. Ah poke me 'ead ova da top uv sum wrekkage an dere ah see it cummin' in da distance, wobblin' round on dese little treads. Well, dat shot wut killed da uvver two wuz a bad wun - it wuz supposed ta have hit da middle a us and blowed us up good an' proppa. But wiff two ladz down - wazzat, two ladz? Dere wuz still more uv us dan we kould count and dat wuz all we needed ta know. So sumwun sez 'Where'za rokkitz den, eh?'. Snap yer fingerz, dere dey were: two uv 'em.
- Da wunz wiff da pikshurs on?
- No, dese didn't have no pikshurs, dey wuz jus' rokkitz.
- Rokkitz're good fer blowin' fings up.
- Yer a masta taktishun, so ya are. Find a Blud Axe an' ask 'im fer a medal. So da first rocket goez strate az an arrer till itz jus' ahead uv da tank, den it kinda jus' gave up an' fell inta da dirt. 'Aim higher, ya gitz,' ah start shoutin', 'dat kannonz fixin' ta fire twice, ya know!' Zzzzeeew flies annuva rokkit, high ennuff dat it musta blowed sum birds up. By now we'z pishin' ourselves. Any minute now, dat kannon wuz gonna go whooom again. Ah wuz about ta say me final prayerz ta Gork 'n Mork, when da kannon on dat fing startz turnin' away towardz da woodz. We'd been so kort up in tryin' da blow da tank up, we didn' even notice da trukk what came rammin' froo da treeline, mad fella in da driva'z seat wiff a grin on 'im like 'e just ate anudda git'z brekkfist. Dere wuz sum ladz 'angin' onta da sides too, firin' rokkitz and all sortza fings. Da tank fired - ah don't know 'ow much gas dey wuz karryin' in dat trukk but it musta been a lot coz when ah opened me eyez dat trukk driva'z 'ead landed like a fireball not two paces away.
- Zog!
- So ah peek ova da wrekkage again, and ah see wun, wutz lefta da trukk, two, da tank, swingin' itz kannon bakk our way. Now, 'erez da funny part. Ah seen Stompaz, and ah seen a grot bite da leg off a 'umie once, and ah seen all kindza places and fings. But ah neva saw an Ork walk outta a ball uv fire like dat, wiff a look onniz face like sumwun stole 'is slugga and a gleam inniz eye like Mork 'imself 'ad taken 'old uv 'im. Itz like sumfin' a weirdboy mite talk about inniz sleep. But dere 'e wuz, strolling' froo dat fire. 'Look', ah sez, 'dat gitz gonna chop dat tank up all onniz lonesome!' We kouldn't 'elp it - we cheered! Sumwun in da tank musta noticed da lad too, coz deir cannon started swingin' bakk in 'is direkshun. But our lad wuz too klose ta fire da kannon on 'im now. A 'umie popped outta sum hatch at da toppa da tank, started shootin'. Mite az well frow eggz at dis git, son! 'E clambered up da side a da side a dat tank and gave dat 'umie win smakk dat nearly took 'is 'ead off. So 'e grabz da 'umie, ooz gone all limp now, an' 'e shovez a stikkbomb inniz jacket an frowz 'im bakk inta da tank, and onniz way down 'e leavez a nice fat tankbusta stukk ta da side. So first da tank shook a bit, kinda rattled, and dat wuz da stikkbomb goin' off - den kazwhampow da tankz turret shoots inta ta air, high az… lotza buildinz all stakked on toppa each uvver. And it landz way ova by da treeline.
- Waddabout 'im?
- Neva 'eard uv again. Mighta been blowed up. But ah know 'oo it wuz, though… it wuz Mork hisself. 'E dun took dat ladz body an' fixed it, den 'e walked outta dem flames an' 'e blew dat bleedin' tank up. Ah don't mind if ya don't believe me. Ah know wut ah saw.
- So wuddabout Dimzugz den?
- 'E fixed us a ride from all da junk what wuz lyin' around and got our arses outta dere. But dat's anudda story. Anywun seen dat squib? Ah think itz run off whiff me bootz...
   
Made in us
Calm Celestian





Atlanta

While ork speak is my least favorite thing to try to read, it was well done and I liked this little story.

My Sisters of Battle Thread
https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/783053.page
 
   
Made in us
Agile Revenant Titan






Oregon

This is a nice Orky fiction tale.

Eldar -5000 points 
   
Made in us
Mutated Chosen Chaos Marine







Very nice tale. Very Orky also. My only complaint is that its hard to read at times because you captured who Orks speak too well!
   
 
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