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enjoy the reading of my necron dynasty:

the Demen Dynasty

the warriors of this dynasty have (litteraly) lost their minds, due to that the master control broke down whilst the necrons
was still sleeping, making all the necrons think like the humble warrior, with even less memory of their past lives.

but all the high lords, who ruled this dynasty knew, this would happen (with the help of the crypteks), so they made a seperate master control that was
nearly immune to the effects of time, at a cost of more energy, thus only allowing the lords to use it, leaving the rest of the dynasty to suffer the fate.

those inquisitors, that thought this dynasty was non-functional, got a nasty surprise when one of their tech-priests fiddled with the high council's
master control, activating the lords and the Overlord (Demen), and with the help of the scaraps and spyders, they killed the inquisitor and his bodyguard
(and also the tech-priests, if anyone is wondering).

now, with only the lost connection to the inquisitor, the imperium nearly has a general idear, that the tomb's master control is ruined, but they have no idear about the high council's master controls.

should Demen ever fall in battle, he will phase out of the material realm, to return to his chamber, to prepare for the next assault, trying to forget his defeat.


what do you dakkaites/nauts think? is it a bit off, or is it plausible? is it good/bad?

EDIT: update 1

There are a few typos and its a little hard to read but I'd warrant english isnt your first langauge so thats ok.
On the fluff itself I'd highlight a few things:

now, with only the lost connection to the inquisitor, the imperium nearly has no idear of the threat that lies in the tomb. the thousands of warriors,
controlled by Demen and the high council master control.

I know you used the word "nearly" but its unlikely that the Inquisitor did not send back fairly detailed and thorough accounts of what they found. Even if it was just initial findings. They are known to be very thorough espeically when accompanied by Tech Priests. In addition since it was a Necron Tomb the Imperium would recognise it as a threat even if the info was limited about it.

should Demen ever fall in battle, he will phase out of the material realm, to return to his chamber, to prepare for the next assault, trying to forget his defeat.

Not sure I get this piece 100%. He can phase back to his chamber from anywhere or just the Tomb World?
Where do his minions go? Do they phase out too or?
I'd expand on what motivates/drives Demen, there just isnt enough info on him to get any sort of feeling or level of interest.

Keep at it though, from every seed.....

thanks! sorry if it's hard to read, but i'm trying to make it readable.

i'm gonna keep writing this and update the fluff. i've already gotten some idears for Demens "phaseing" ability:

it's simply an advanced necron body, that was specially built for Demens, that would phase him to his assembly chamber, where he can recover if he's critically wounded. (still working on some much more detailed info of him)

i'm thinking about giving him phase out and sempiternal wave to represent his specially built body for games.