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I'm wondering if I've been too obvious with the historical symbolism (though it's present in the IG canon) and you think it should be toned back. Am I being too heavy handed with the WWII-like battle below?

Could someone please read through the fluff quickly and let me know if I'm being unacceptable allegorical anywhere?

http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Category:Sturmkrieg

EDIT- 02/22/12
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I wrote fluff for a battle based on Stalingrad. Do you think it's too heavy handed, or breaks from 40k? And if so, do you think I should moderate it or tone it back at all?

http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Rotstein
http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Josef_Stahl
http://en.sturmkrieg.com/The_Great_War
http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Siege_of_Stahlberg
http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Six_years_to_a_Tau_world
http://en.sturmkrieg.com/United_in_Bor%27kahl

I've made changes to this fluff before since I felt it was too heavy handed.

What do you mean by heavy handed?

I have thought about it. The whole sector should likely be involved in a German-style warfare as experienced in WWI or WWII. Whole planets are likely to be engulfed in never-ending sieges which can have lasted for centuries, whole subsectors would likely be involved in hellish wars with Orks and Nids for ages. Word Bearers and Iron Warriors would be active, while the successors of the Imperial Fists are trying to make the forces of IoM make a a desperate last stand against their onslaught. All futile, yet the Imperium fights on like Germany anno 1916.

Forge Worlds and Hives would likely dominate the whole sector, with a few Argi-planets for each. Everything would likely be so dark, every resource would be rationed, fresh air wouldn't even be a right and to top it off, mutants would be so widespread due to the industrial waste. Ouf, this is one nasty sector for me.

I like wher eyou are trying to get your fluff. But you really need to flesh it out more. I would love to see you add more details and background to the sectors, It would make for much more intresting reading. And they would help a reader imagien the places you are wrigthing about. Also as the poster above me said, Go for the WW1 Germanic styled troops. Also I think you have done a good job of getting names for the places you writhe about.

Thanks for your input and suggestions. I will be adding more to the storyline and working to improve it.

One idea I have is to primarily write stories and then use the articles as a way of explaining what is in the stories and expanding on them.

.

Just updated the OP/question.

Yeah. I think you have been...
I mean, you have put German-esque (If not actual German) words pretty much everywhere...
Places, names, army formations etc
As for allegorical...
Well no but i'm fairly sure you're using that word incorrectly...

You can write a similar battle but you don't need to be so obvious...

purplefood wrote:Yeah. I think you have been...
I mean, you have put German-esque (If not actual German) words pretty much everywhere...
Places, names, army formations etc

I was figuring that I needed to work on that; one of the advice I saw given to the creator of the planet Sturm at Warseer was to replace all Germanic words with words that just sounded similar.

I think that maybe changing words to have Latin roots or English spelling might help. Stuff like Pahtzah, Gemeinschatum, Sektorum, or changing verb and adjective endings to Latin or Russian endings might help. What do you think?

One thing that would help is if I knew Russian words. If I learned Russian and Latin, I could create a rough language or at least a decent number of words to use.

You can write a similar battle but you don't need to be so obvious...

I remember my friend Dondrekhan (his username; he's co-editor) mentioned that he thought that the Siege of Stahlberg was too close. I suppose it was. I've actually toned back a lot of references to history.