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THE BACKGROUND OF THE LEGION OF SHADOWS CHAPTER

The Gene-Seed of the Legion of Shadows was granted by the Dark Angels. A surviving Terminator that was part of the Honor Guard who was teleported on board Horus’s Battle Barge, Vengeful Spirit, received a terrible wound to the head. This head injury wiped all of his memories from the past. The Space Marine was later recovered by fellow Adeptus Astartes after the fight between Horus and the Emperor had come to a conclusion. This Marine was healed of his wounds by the Dark Angels Chapter who later began to train him in their combat techniques. After the Marine was rehabilitated, the Dark Angels granted him a Gene-Seed to begin construction of his own Chapter. Because of the skills learned by the original Grand Master, This ancient Chapter is currently renowned for their efficient ranged combat.

The Legion of Shadows used their long range combat skills to great effect while attacking Prospero with the Space Wolves. The 1st Chapter Master accompanied Leman Russ through battle. During the battle with Magnus the Red the Chapter Master was fatally wounded by one of Magnus’s attacks. The first Chapter Master had fallen to Magnus the Red with only 16 other Marines in the fledgling Chapter. Because of the state of despair the whole human galaxy was in, the Legion of Shadows were never granted any Tactical Dreadnought Armor. Because of this the Legion of Shadows only had 1 suit of Tactical Dreadnought Armor, which belonged to the original Chapter Master. The First Chapter Master is still unknown as there is hardly any information of him. This battle was the first action the Legion of Shadows had ever been a part of and ever since then the Legion of Shadows and Space Wolves have always been close allies.

The 2nd Chapter Master was named Raphael Lucius and would lead the Chapter on their first campaign. This campaign took place in Segmentum Ultima where the Legion of Shadows found a sizeable presence of Thousand Sons; the Legion of Shadows began to operate in an unusually aggressive campaign and soon conducted a raid on Holda via drop pods. Holda was the planet where the most Thousand Sons activity was taking place. A Strike force of the 3rd Century led by Raphael Lucius followed an orbital bombardment of the Thousand Sons encampment. Raphael Lucius and his honor guard found Magnus the Red in a Temple of Tzeentch. After entering the temple the Vanguard forces of the Legion of Shadowss watched as Magnus the Red finished his ritual of transformation to a Daemon Prince. Magnus the Red quickly evacuated the temple through a Warp Portal because of his new severely weakened state. The attack by the Legion of Shadows was furious and overwhelmingly large and severely weakened the Thousand Sons. After the escape of Magnus the Red the Legion of Shadows Virus bombed the 5 planets in the area; these planets were named Holda, Naogeddon, Dunen II, Berien VI and Doton. Without informing any other Imperial forces the Night Stalkers bombed all 5 worlds and exterminated all of heretics and cultists on the planets.

After the bombing of the 5 planets recently home to the Thousand Sons the Legion of Shadowss wound up in orbit of Thranx. These new settlers (because of their father chapters’ virus bombing after a Genestealer invasion) requested the Legion of Shadows help in destroying a rebellious group of cultists who were committing terrorizing the government and local population. The 4th Century volunteered for the honor to assist the government. During a wrap up operation in the short campaign the Legion of Shadows found feral but honorable tribe members roaming in the wastelands. The Captain of the 4th Company made contact with these tribesmen and were praised by them as “The Great God’s Children”. The tribe numbered in the tens of thousands and because of these numbers the Legion of Shadows made Thranx their recruiting world. All their recruits would come from Thranx for the time to come.

Soon after this event the Legion of Shadows located 3 Ork “Roks”. The Chaptership, the Night Sentinel, and it’s supporting Battle Barges engaged the “Roks” in Space Combat. After the Battle Barge Daemon Smiter Destroyed 1 “Rok” and second one had its engines disabled. The Chapter begin multiple boarding actions. The Night Sentinel launched boarding torpedoes at the disabled “Rok”. In the ensuing combat, led by Raphael Lucius, the Legion of Shadows exterminated all the orks on the Rok they boarded. While searching the ship for survivors the Warlord Jawpuncha attacked Raphael Lucius in single combat. The Ork Warlord was from the Deathskullz clan and fought ferociously in the tight confines of the hallway. Raphael, however, came out victorious after cutting the warlord’s very own arm off and beating him with it for damaging the chapter symbol on his shoulder pad. This engagement proved that the Legion of Shadows were very truly Angels of Death. The search of the Rok also uncovered Adeptus Astartes technology including 2 Land Raiders. These Land Raiders were defiled by the Orks and were sent to the Mechanicus for repairs and to heal the 2 machines’ Machine Spirits. The 3rd Rok ran scared but was soon destroyed by a precise broadside from the Pure Fury before it could escape.

For the next 15 years the chapter fought in only a few minor confrontations and they were attempting to raise their numbers to over 500. The Mechanicus gifted the Legion with 5 suits of brand new Tactical Dreadnought Armor suits and the 2 Land Raiders they recovered on Warlord Jawpuncha’s Rok. Soon after these gifts were received by the Legion of Shadows, the Chapter dispatched half of the 1st company and all of the 3rd company to investigate a Space Hulk where there was rumored to be a contingent of Thousand Sons. The raiding party led by the Chapter Master was ambushed by Possessed Chaos Marines and multiple sorcerers of the Thousand Sons war band. The Legion of Shadows Head Librarian accompanying the Chapter Master had purposely led the strike team into the ambush and became possessed by a Tzeentch Daemon. Raphael Lucius was the first Legionnaire slain; he was slain by a spell cast from the traitor Librarian. He didn’t allow himself to die without a fight and ripped the jaw from the traitor marine as well as stabbing his power blade into his stomach. Overall 56 Marines were killed on the Hulk but it was eventually purged by the Chapter for personal redemption. After the betrayal by the Head Librarian all Librarians in the Chapter were mind swiped and put through grueling purity rites by the Apothecaries of the chapter. After this event, The Legion of Shadows lost a great amount of respect and trust for the Librarians of their Chapter. After this incident psykers of enemy factions were commonly killed with cruel and brutal efficiency and even then they would burn the body as to not be tainted by them. All the relics and Geneseeds of the Legion of Shadows were recovered and a new Chapter Master named Antonious Raptor was elected. The Chapter, now under orders by their new Chapter Master, obliterated the Putrid Space Hulk and then retreated back into more friendly imperial space.

The following centuries were rather quiet besides small engagements and allowed the Legion of Shadows to reach a full size of 1000. During this time Antonius Raptor created 3 squads of elite Boltgun wielding Marines and had his Techmarines experiment and eventually perfect the Vengeance rounds so that they would no longer have the chance to explode when fired. These squads were called Ghosts and usually worked alone or in small teams. The captain of the 1st Century also became commander of the Ghost squads and his title now became the Reaper.

While patrolling in space near Dimmamar in the Segmentum Obscurus the Legion of Shadows heard a report of heretic forces and the 2nd and 5th centuries immediately responded to the threat in Dimmamar. The world was torn between loyalist and heretic forces. The Legion of Shadows deployed a ghost squad to wreak havoc and gather information. After 3 days the 2nd and 5th centuries launched their very first attack straight into the suspected heretic headquarters. The 2nd and 5th centuries were at full strength at the time of the attack and inflicted massive casualties on the unprepared heretic forces. The centurion of the 2nd Century commanded the attack and showed some of his tactical brilliance by creating a distress call that seemed to be produced by the heretics. By the time the enemy force responded the Legion of Shadows were well fortified in their positions and sprung a perfect ambush. The Angels took a heavy toll on the heretic forces while decapitating the enemy command structure in 4 hours of battle. The Legion of Shadows changed the tide of the world wide war in less them an afternoon and helped secure the world for the imperial forces.

The Legion of Shadows later took part in the 1st War of Armageddon. The Angels deployed the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 6th, part of the 10th, and the 9th centuries in the war. The Chapter fought alongside the Space Wolves in their massive counter-attack against the chaos forces. During this engagement the 3rd century’s drop pod assault landed in areas already overtaken by a vast chaos force. The 3rd Century lost 83 Marines before they could break out of their encirclement, the Company managed to carry their Centurion’s body after he fell to the axe of a Bloodcrusher of Knorne. The 3rd Century was almost annihilated but the Grey Knights arrived and saved the remaining Angels. The 3rd Century limped back to space and stayed in orbit for the remainder of the campaign. The 1st and 6th Centuries supported the Space Wolves’ assault counter-attack against the Daemon Primarch Angron’s forces. All 3 of the Ghost Squads were tasked to engage the Word Bearers’ Command Structure, the Elite squads and Antonius Raptor found the command unit and managed to slay the champion and his bodyguard with well-placed volleys of Vengeance shells before the rest his war band could escape to the Space Hulk.

After the 1st War of Armageddon the Legion of Shadows were caught in the midst of a political war between the Space Wolves’ Logan Grimnar and the Inquisition. The Space Wolves did not want the whole population of Armageddon to be sterilized and put into work camps. The Legion of Shadows were torn between the sides but Antonius Raptor decided it was not his battle and didn’t want to face any repercussions. He and the rest of the Chapter had served the Emperor and soon after the end of operation on Armageddon they left so they did have to witness the sterilization of the billions of people on the planet.

The Legion of Shadows were not at a much weaker strength and began heading to Thranx to refill their scout companies as many of the scouts were promoted to the reserve companies. On the way through the warp the Night Sentinel began receiving strange hails from one of the stealth cruisers the Angels on Night created. The full fleet dropped out of orbit and soon found the ship was in perfect condition. The Night Sentinel scanned the vessel to find no life signs. Antonius Raptor led 4 squads of the 3rd Century to the ship. After boarding the squads swept the ship to find no marines in the ship. The Centurion of the 3rd Century led his command squad to the bridge and found a single servitor. This servitor recognized the marines and gave them a message.

The message was from Magnus and mocked the Legion of Shadows. Magnus found a weakness in the Gellar Shield and boarded it with a horde of demons. He sucked the life from all 20 of the marines from the 8th Century who were on board and took their armor for a reason unbeknownst to the chapter. Antonius Raptor had no choice but to destroy the ship and feeling defeated, he and the rest of his fleet jumped back into the warp and headed towards Thranx.

After finding 150 more tributes to fill out the depleted scout squads the chapter headed out. Antonius Raptor received a message from the inquisition. The inquisition requested the chapter deploy 3 full centuries to the planet of Joura in the Segmentum Pacificus. Antonius decided that he had no choice but to oblige the inquisition and deployed the 2nd, 5th and 7th centuries along with his honor guard and himself along with a full Ghost Squad and the Reaper. Enroot to Jauna the inquisitor (a xenos inquisitor) told the Legion of Shadows that the orks were mobilizing for a Waaaagh and that they were being led by a particularly smart and who was a particularly potent psyker. The leader of the Waaaagh named himself Mindhamma and was very cocky in stature. The ship he used was an old imperial freighter and he commonly stayed there in his “free time”. The Ork enjoyed watching the warp and would destroy any ork ships that would cut off his view. The Legion of Shadows used one of their stealth cruisers to transport the Ghost Squad and half of the 2nd Century to the cruiser with minimal action against the ork fleet. Although Mindhamma saw the ship the orkish ships did not as the signals given off were covered by a sets of counter measures throughout the ship. The ship launched boarding torpedoes and the legionnaires took over the ships quickly and efficiently. The inquisitor who accompanied them used a weapon loaned to him by the Ordo Hereticus to completely remove all psychic presence in the area. Mindhamma was completely unprepared for a real hand-to-hand fight and was utterly massacred by the chapter master, reaper and inquisitor. The ork fleet dispersed in fear at how their leader was defeated absolutely massacred by the marines.

As a gift for assistance in the matter the Legion of Shadows received multiple Null Rods and Psycollums and received the ways to make them so they could better combat psykers in the future. Even multiple centuries into the future the Legion of Shadows never forgave their librarians and still have a distain hatred for psykers of all kinds.

The only Astartes that attack Prospero were the Space Wolves.
The only Astartes that defended Armageddon in the 1st war were the Space Wolves.
The last paragraph doesn't really make much sense since their Librarians didn't do anything...

There doesn't seem to be any or much coherance to this...
They go through events but there's no scale of time.

THE BACKGROUND OF THE LEGION OF SHADOWS CHAPTER 

The Gene-Seed of the Legion of Shadows was granted by the Raven Guard during the time of the 4th founding. A surviving Terminator that was part of an Honor Guard who was teleported on board a craftworld held by a very strong force of eldar. The marine received a terrible wound to the head that wiped all of his memories from the past. The Space Marine was later recovered by fellow Adeptus Astartes after the fight for the craftworld had come to a conclusion. This Marine was healed of his wounds by the Imperial Fists Chapter and they later began to train him in some of their combat techniques. After the Marine was rehabilitated, the Raven Guard granted him a Gene-Seed to begin construction of his own Chapter during the 20th founding. Because of the skills learned by the original Chapter Master, This ancient Chapter is currently renowned for their efficient ranged combat and superb stealth and hit-and-run skills.

The Legion of Shadows used their long range combat skills to great effect during the their first large campaignn during the Age of Apostasy The 1st Chapter Master accompanied the Space Wolves through the many campaigns. The first Chapter Master had fallen to a tzeentchian greater demon during a battle with a contingent thousand sons. There were only 2 centuries (companies) in the fledgling Chapter. Because of the state of despair and the chaos of supply lines that the outer reaching worlds were in, the Legion of Shadows were never granted any Tactical Dreadnought Armor. Because of this the Legion of Shadows only had 1 suit of Tactical Dreadnought Armor, which belonged to the original Chapter Master. The First Chapter Master is still unknown as there is hardly any information of him. This battle was the first action the Legion of Shadows had ever been a part of and ever since then the Legion of Shadows and Space Wolves have always been close allies. 

The 2nd Chapter Master was named Raphael Lucius and would lead the Chapter on their first campaign as they were now at full strength. This campaign took place in Segmentum Ultima where the Legion of Shadows found a sizeable presence of Thousand Sons; the Legion of Shadows began to operate in their first campaign and soon conducted a raid on Holda via drop pods. Holda was the planet where there was Thousand Sons activity was taking place. A Strike force of the 3rd Century led by Raphael Lucius followed an orbital bombardment of the Thousand Sons encampment. Raphael Lucius and his honor guard found a sorceror coven in a Temple of Tzeentch. After entering the temple the Vanguard forces of the Legion of Shadows watched the coven begin performing rituals of transformation to a Daemon Prince. The sorcerors couldn't respond fast enough and were cut down. The attack by the Legion of Shadows large and well coordinated attack severely weakened the Thousand Sons. After escaping the planet the Legion of Shadows Virus bombed the 5 planets in the area as the local populations were all mutated and gaining psychic power as Tzeentch tried to stop the Legion of Shadows; these planets were named Holda, Naogeddon, Dunen II, Berien VI and Doton. Without informing any other Imperial forces the Legion of Shadows bombed all 5 worlds and exterminated all of heretics and cultists on the planets. 

After the bombing of the 5 planets recently home to the Thousand Sons the Legion of Shadows wound up near Thranx after their campaign. The settlers of the planet requested the Legion of Shadows help in destroying a rebellious group of cultists who were terrorizing the government and local population. The 4th Century volunteered for the honor to assist the government. During a wrap-up operation in the short campaign the Legion of Shadows found feral but honorable tribe members roaming in the wastelands on the second continent. These tribes were very similar to the tribes of ancient Terra's scottish tribes. The Captain of the 4th Century made contact with these tribesmen and were praised by them as “The Great God’s Children”. These feral people numbered in the tens of thousands but were seperated in clans and were constantly warring. The Legion of Shadows made Thranx their recruiting world because they found they were strong and honorable. All their recruits would come from Thranx for the time to come. 

Soon after this event the Legion of Shadows located 3 Ork “Roks”. The Chaptership, the Night Sentinel, and it’s supporting Battle Barges engaged the “Roks” in Space Combat. After the Battle Barge Daemon Smiter Destroyed 1 “Rok” and second one had its engines disabled. The Chapter began multiple boarding actions. The Night Sentinel launched boarding torpedoes at the disabled “Rok”. In the ensuing combat, led by Raphael Lucius, the Legion of Shadows exterminated all the orks on the Rok they boarded. While searching the ship for survivors the Warlord Jawpuncha attacked Raphael Lucius in single combat. The Ork Warlord was from the Deathskullz clan and fought ferociously in the tight confines of the hallway. Raphael, however, came out victorious after cutting the warlord’s very own arm off and beating him with it because his powersword was jammed in the beast's ribs and his back up chainsword was clogged with orc tissue and muscle. This engagement proved that the Legion of Shadows were very truly to be regarded Angels of Death. The search of the Rok also uncovered Adeptus Astartes technology including 2 Land Raiders. These Land Raiders were defiled by the Orks and were sent to the Mechanicus for repairs and to heal the Machine Spirits of the vehicles. The 3rd Rok ran scared but was soon destroyed by a precise broadside from the Pure Fury before it could escape. 

For the next 15 years the chapter fought in only a few minor confrontations and they were attempting to raise their numbers to 1000. The Mechanicus gifted the Legion of Shadows with 5 suits of brand new Tactical Dreadnought Armor suits and the 2 Land Raiders they recovered on Warlord Jawpuncha’s Rok. Soon after these gifts were received by the Legion of Shadows, the Chapter dispatched half of the 1st Century and all of the 3rd Century to inestigate a Space Hulk where there was rumored to be a contingent of Thousand Sons. The raiding party led by the Chapter Master was ambushed by Possessed Chaos Marines and multiple sorcerers of the Thousand Sons war band. The Legion of Shadows Head Librarian accompanying the Chapter Master had purposely led the strike team into the ambush and let the warp flow into him as he was granted transformation into a Daemon Prince for leading 200 marines to their apparent death. Raphael Lucius was the first Legionnaire slain; he was slain by a spell cast from the traitor Librarian and now Daemon Prince. He didn’t allow himself to die without a fight and ripped the jaw from the traitor marine as well as stabbing his power blade into his stomach. Overall 56 Marines were killed on the Hulk but it was eventually purged by the Chapter for a personal feel of redemption and closure of the event. After the betrayal by the Head Librarian and a select few higher ranking officers, all Librarians in the Chapter were put through grueling purity rites by the Apothecaries of the chapter. After this event, The Legion of Shadows lost a great amount of respect and trust for the Librarians of their Chapter that would take many centuries to heal. After this incident psykers of enemy factions were commonly killed with cruel and brutal efficiency and even then they would burn the body as to not be tainted by being in it's presence. 

All the relics and Geneseeds of the Legion of Shadows were recovered and a new Chapter Master named Antonious Raptor was elected. The Chapter, now under orders by their new Chapter Master, obliterated the Putrid Space Hulk and then retreated back into more friendly imperial space. Before leaving the space hulk the Legion decided to retrieve and keep some of the technology from the hulk. Some techmarines downloaded technology from a partially active terminal. The terminal held plans for signal jammers and bolt shells with similar penetration capacity to that of the Vengeance Shell but without a chance to backfire.

While patrolling in space near Dimmamar in the Segmentum Obscurus the Legion of Shadows heard a report of heretic forces and the 2nd and 5th centuries immediately responded to the threat in Dimmamar. The world was torn between loyalist and heretic forces. The Legion of Shadows deployed a ghost squad to wreak havoc and gather information. After 3 days of scout squads and veteran squads retrieving intelligence, the 2nd and 5th centuries launched their very first attack straight into the suspected heretic headquarters. The 2nd and 5th centuries were at full strength at the time of the attack and inflicted massive casualties on the unprepared heretic forces. The centurion of the 2nd Century commanded the attack and showed some of his tactical brilliance by creating a distress call that seemed to be produced by the heretics. By the time the enemy force responded the Legion of Shadows were well fortified in their positions and sprung a perfect ambush. The Angels took a heavy toll on the heretic forces while decapitating the enemy command structure in 4 hours of battle. The Legion of Shadows changed the tide of the world wide war in less them an afternoon and helped secure the world for the imperial forces.  

During the highland games the Legion had a good season and gained an outstanding 150 more tributes to fill out the depleted scout squads the chapter headed out. Antonius Raptor received a message from the inquisition. The inquisition requested the chapter deploy 3 full centuries to the planet of Joura in the Segmentum Pacificus. Antonius decided that he had no choice but to oblige the inquisition and deployed the 2nd, 5th and 7th centuries along with his honor guard and 2 of their renown sternguard squads. En-route to Jauna the inquisitor (a xenos inquisitor) told the Legion of Shadows that the orks were mobilizing for a Waaaagh and that they were being led by a particularly smart and who was a particularly potent psyker. The leader of the Waaaagh named himself Mindhamma and was very cocky in stature. The ship he used was an old imperial freighter and he commonly stayed there in his “free time”. The Ork enjoyed watching the warp and would destroy any ork ships that would cut off his view. The Legion of Shadows found a small group of orc ships that was seperated from the fleet during an imperial guard attack. The Legion swept in hard and fast and took control of 3 of the orc ships and jammed any signals of warning or assistance the might have tred to send. The 5th and 2nd Centuries took control of the ships and set them on course to intercept the orcs. The Legion of Shadows swept in and launched boarding torpedoes and the legionnaires took over the ships quickly and efficiently. The inquisitor who accompanied them used a weapon loaned to him by the Ordo Hereticus to completely remove all psychic presence in the area. Mindhamma was completely unprepared for a real hand-to-hand fight and was utterly massacred by the chapter master, veteran sternguard squads and the inquisitor. The ork fleet dispersed in fear at how their leader was defeated absolutely massacred by the marines. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 2 centuries later rumors of a tzeentchian cult formed on Thranx

The Legion of Shadows adopted a new found tactic. The Librarians (who were confined to ship board activities) recommended one or two man infiltration teams because of the effectiveness the Alpha Legion had in their loyal times. The Ghost Squads were picked for these duties and 10 teams were formed (a squad was left in reserve in case they are needed for action). The infiltration team actually worked extremely well and the tactics became much more widespread. 18 cults were shut down thanks to the Ghost Infiltration Teams. The teams were too few however and a massive warp rift appeared. Demons fled out of the portal and citizens were slaughtered in the millions. The whole chapter was deployed around the world and key hive cities were fortified by the 8th and 9th Companies (unlike the codex the 8th chapter is a devastator reserve company). In these defensive actions the Legion of Shadows used the Stalker Bolt Gun constantly as the further range and more discreet firing provided much more effectiveness against demons and renegades. The 2nd through 5th Companies were deployed in strike operations on renegades around the world. The plains tribes survived longer than expected and put up a very good defense but were severely diminished by the warp entities. Eventually the Thousand Sons and their demon primarch arrived. The 1st Company and the Ghost squads deployed with support from the entire 3rd and 6th company. The 3rd Company was completely annihilated yet they held the banner aloft even in death. The final 3rd Company Marine was the newest member and with his last breath he shoved the banner into his stomach and fell to his back. He insured that the banner wouldn’t fall and that the 3rd Company would lose no honor. Chapter Master Antonius Raptor met the demon primarch in solo combat. Of course the Chapter Master had no chance of defeating the primarch but he lasted long enough for the 1st company to put out enough fire to weaken Magnus to a point where he was forced to retreat. Antonius Raptor was slain and Tyco Revre (Captain of the 1st Captain and the Reaper) took the position of chapter master. 

Tyco Revre felt the pain the Crimson Fists feels after the tragedy of Rynn's World. A company in warp to an outlying sector recieved a call for assistance from the Crimson Fists. The Crimson Fists strike force needed more man power to assault a cave system filled with orcs on Rynn's Worlds. The Legion of Shadows responded and contacted the force leader who happened to be Chapter Master Pedro Kantor. Chapter Master Kantor requested that 2 tactical squads would scout ahead (with their more proficient training and experience over the younger marines Kantor was leading) to see what inhabited the cave......(WIP)

Did you just add stuff without changing any of the previous stuff?
Remember to separate your paragraphs, it' really hard to read otherwise.

It has changes, please tell me any spots you find that are
A- incorrect grammaticaly
B- Could be better said
C-Wrong name (had name changes)
D- Doesn't fit into fluff

THE BACKGROUND OF THE LEGION OF SHADOWS CHAPTER 

If they were Dark Angels descendants there would be some record of them since AFAIK all 2nd founding chapters are accounted for. Make thema later Founding like 4th or 5th...

They wouldn't be fighting in a major campaign with 16 marines, if they were a 2nd Founding chapter (Which they couldn't be) they would have a full contingent of Marines from their parent legion otherwise they would have several companies of trained marines before setting out to fight. Also The Scouring took place before the 2nd Founding.


I'm not entirely sure on this but AFAIK becomming a daemon primarch (as opposed to just a primarch) wouldn't make you weaker... the opposite in fact.
Is there any reason to virus bomb these worlds? Unless they were tainted beyond redemption the Imperium would fight to re-gain them, habitable worlds aren't found everywhere.


'because of their father chapter's virus bombing' How do the settlers have a 'father chapter'?
I'm not an expert but tribes don't tend to number in the tens of thousands. They wouldn't be tribes at that point, human society tends to evolve as numbers increase. At tens of thousands they would be a feudal state at the very least.


Beating an ork to death because he damaged his chapter symbol makes him sound like he threw a hissy fit because the ork dented his shiny armour.


Their previous actions seem fairly absurd given they had less than 500 marines...
Why did the Head Librarian turn traitor?
Why did they take their vengeance out on their brother librarians who are not only charged with psychic defense of their chapter but also the record keeping. Mind wiping them would be an fairly stupid thing for them to do...
Though the dislikeof psykers i could understand, maybe instead have psykers become pariahs (social outcasts) in the chapter instead.

Ditch these guys. Ditch the Reaper. Sorry but they sound silly.
Keep the perfected Vengeance rounds though... maybe they found some old tech on the hulk that made it possible...


This is a good one. Keep this.

Remove this. The onlychapter's that took part in the 1st war were the Space Wolves and the Grey Knights.

See above.

Ditch the stealth cruisers. As cool as they would be they kinda don't fit with Imperial fluff...
You could say that the ship masters of the Legion were good at keeping a low profile if you wanted to keep it sneaky...


This is okay i guess...
Does it have a purpose at all?

*en-route
I'd change this too them using a captured ork ship to get close rather than the 'stealth cruisers'

I'd remove this...
It doesn't make much sense...
They don't give that stuff away...
 
Where are they?
Their homeworld?
I thought that was a tribal world with a few modern day (as in now) cities?
I'd remove the infiltration thing and just have them hunt down the heretics normally and be too late to stop the portal.

purplefood wrote:

Spoiler:

Tyco Revre felt the pain the Crimson Fists feels after the tragedy of Rynn's World. A company in warp to an outlying sector recieved a call for assistance from the Crimson Fists. The Crimson Fists strike force needed more man power to assault a cave system filled with orcs on Rynn's Worlds. The Legion of Shadows responded and contacted the force leader who happened to be Chapter Master Pedro Kantor. Chapter Master Kantor requested that 2 tactical squads would scout ahead (with their more proficient training and experience over the younger marines Kantor was leading) to see what inhabited the cave......(WIP)

This makes sense keep it.

I agree with everything Purple has said, except this. Generally, you should avoid 'piggybacking' on existing, big name chapters. There's really no reason to mention any official chapter in your DIY fluff, as it only sounds like name dropping and does little to actually flesh out the character of your chapter.

If you were to drop it and come up with a different campaign to aid someone else (maybe another custom chapter, or just a call from local PDFs), it would sound a lot better. It shows an added sense of creativity and depth to your chapter, while just dropping names of existing chapters comes across as flat.

Its a good start, though I personally prefer a chapter explained as Index Astartes article (a clear, succinct telling of the character, personality and traits of your chapter) with some notable campaigns/battles added on at the end. But, to each their own.

It wouldn't be too bad but i see where you're coming from...
Also like Blacksails said, a succinct article is very nice to see.

purplefood wrote:It wouldn't be too bad but i see where you're coming from...
Also like Blacksails said, a succinct article is very nice to see.

I'm a little picky with my fluff, so I have some rules that I would never break. I try not to impose them, but I like to mention them, as I believe it really helps the character of any custom anything to be their own masters, rather than constantly running into or helping/being helped by big name chapters/groups.

But that's probably the first thing I've disagreed with you on with regards to fluff.

Blacksails wrote:

purplefood wrote:It wouldn't be too bad but i see where you're coming from...
Also like Blacksails said, a succinct article is very nice to see.

I'm a little picky with my fluff, so I have some rules that I would never break. I try not to impose them, but I like to mention them, as I believe it really helps the character of any custom anything to be their own masters, rather than constantly running into or helping/being helped by big name chapters/groups.

But that's probably the first thing I've disagreed with you on with regards to fluff.

I take it as a general rule but i don't mind the occasional break especially when it kinda fits the fluff.
Yeah it probably is.

Alright in am starting a major overhaul......

We look forward to it.
Good luck.

Here, three phenomenal sources from B&C;

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.php?showtopic=132379

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.php?showtopic=124020

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.php?showtopic=214213&hl=octaguide

Huge helps for me in writing my custom chapter.

I am slowly updating stuff as i go...... New ideas too ;D

I edited anything aboce the first dash mark(s). Lemme know what should be changed or what is wrong. Thanks all!