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I have noticed something in my own behavior when I play which I would like to change.

I only play friendly games but can still get pretty annoyed when things don't go my way as I feel so involved in the tactics and the roll of every dice that I take some failures a lot more personal than they should be. It's not that I get angry at people, its more that I get very obsessive, thinking too long about every move and often get a headache after the game.
My goal is not to play in any tournaments (as I'm really not that good) so I don't know why I take it so serious.

It's a game with plastic soldier which I play with my friends... it isn't even important who wins. But my current behavior really is diminishing the fun and excitement of what actually goes on on the table. Every game is full of fun/epic/crazy events which I sort of miss because I'm so involved in obsessing over my tactics.

My question if is someone else here have felt that they take the friendly games to serious? And what can be done to calm yourself down and just enjoy it a bit more?

I mostly play 40k at the moment, but my behavior has been the same in other games as well.

I have had a tendency toward the same behaviour patterns (as in getting annoyed at dice failures I felt "should have worked or at myself for forgetting critical rules).

You just have to work at it. Be humble about it, rein yourself in, and apologize when you realize you do it.

The other problem, Analysis Paralysis (thinking too long about every move) should be rooted out amongst casual and tournament players both. It makes every game take forever, which annoys the hell out both players and causes headaches for the overthinker. This is general advise when in social situations, not just for wargaming: somebody who cannot make up their mind in fluid situations (which a wargame definitely is) are at a disadvantage in general and irritates and/or hampers the people they interact it. Muse on Minis episode 11 had a little talk about it recently, and I think their first advise is good: go with your first plan. Don't think and re-think it. If the plan is good, it will likely work (or it will fail due to bad luck, but you will usually notice that) and if it is bad you will know next time and remember it.

Tournaments will often train good habits into you, so I think avoiding them is a bad idea if you want to do something with this issue - which I guess you do, since you identify it as a problem!

I used to feel the same way.

My advice is to play a lot more games, and make those games smaller in point-size.

Some people feel that anything less that 1750 (or even less than 2000) is a waste of time, and not how the game should be played.

I have no problem saying that these people are wrong wrong wrong.
Games of, say, 1000 or 1250 are an absolute pleasure.
You get lot more games in and you learn not to take defeat to seriously...after all, a quick reset later and you are beginning a new battle anyway.

This taught me to really enjoy the fun games (even at higher point values) and helped teach me what games deserved absolute focus and concentration.

Hope it helps.

TBH I suffer the same affliction that you do. But i have also found some easy remedy.
1. Play crappier models. Dont hone your list to win. that just makes loosing harder to bear.
2. make sound effects. It helps, really. One time during a ard boys tourni a freind of mine and i made such a ruckus with "pew pew", "Zap ZAP", that the judge threatened to chuck us out. It was a great time and it makes it hard to be super serious about your man dollies when you are making toy space gun noises.
3. Get into the cinema of the game. Do things, not because you will be more likely to win but because it looks cool.
4. Your opponent will dictate the nature of the game as well. Do you find that you are more likely to double down and get angery against competative foes than foes who are just out for a good time. Amongst my circle of friends the people i am least likely to play nice with are those that are really competative. Now i mostly dont game with them since they bring out the worst in me. I love games with people who have a similar Just for fun attitude. They bring out the best in me.
One of the best hints i have to give.
Cheer your opponents success and bemoan their failures. This makes for a much funner game. I once played a chaos player who by the end of turn one had lost over half of his army to a well placed genestealer charge. He was litterally overjoyed by the success that my stealers had against his marines. I tabled him by turn three and i have to say that he was a Joy to play. From that point on i learned to cheer my opponent and to be supportive of their experince during the game. It helps to take the edge off and makes for a more fun gaming environment. Hope this helped.

Thanks for the advice. Analysis Paralysis is definitely a problem I often run into.

So some changes for my next game:

Stop and remind myself it's all a fun game when I feel I begin to be too serious.

Go with the first plan, and just accept the outcome of my actions.

Try more units that seems fun rather than competitive.

Support my opponent.

Lighten up and try to focus on the cool moments a bit more.

I was a very active RPG player when I was younger so I am generally interested in experience the atmosphere and escapism which games bring. It's too bad that my competitive side seems to diminish that experience in table top games. But I think I can try to bring it back if I'm more aware of my own behavior.

I have this problem too, to some extent. For me, it's usually because I get too invested in the game - thinking on a specific list for a long time, planning tactics a lot, etc. It helps to play a couple of games with some totally experimental list and without any intention to win whatsoever. Basically you know beforehand that you have crappy list and will most likely lose, this takes the edge off, and you are not taking the game too seriously. Next time some of that feeling sticks with you and you have easier time playing a competitive game.

Also sometimes this kind of feeling comes from playing wrong opponents. There are guys who simply stress me out regardless of the game situations.

I feel the exact same way Kajon.

I have this terrible ability to let math hammer get in the way of every move I make on the table and get very annoyed with myself when it doesn't work out instead of just enjoying the game for what it is. I even feel sympathy for my opponent if the dice are heavily in my favor.

It's funny because I really like the painting side of the hobby, make very fluffy armies that are not competitive lists at all and often based of books or codex stories, but once I start rolling those dice I get very frustrated when they show up as less than what my math hammer says they should be.

I don't show it on the outside much which is good, I just feel wronged severely on the inside lol. I won the award for best sportsmanship at last tourney I went to so my etiquette must still be in check.

I think I'm this way from playing competitive RTS computer games and tournaments for a long time now. I'm used to my abilities doing exactly what they are meant to on call. No more No less.

A stiff drink helps

It's 40k not chess. If people are going to play it like chess then we need to bring in chess clocks.

sennacherib wrote:TBH I suffer the same affliction that you do. But i have also found some easy remedy.
1. Play crappier models. Dont hone your list to win. that just makes loosing harder to bear.
2. make sound effects. It helps, really. One time during a ard boys tourni a freind of mine and i made such a ruckus with "pew pew", "Zap ZAP", that the judge threatened to chuck us out. It was a great time and it makes it hard to be super serious about your man dollies when you are making toy space gun noises.
3. Get into the cinema of the game. Do things, not because you will be more likely to win but because it looks cool.
4. Your opponent will dictate the nature of the game as well. Do you find that you are more likely to double down and get angery against competative foes than foes who are just out for a good time. Amongst my circle of friends the people i am least likely to play nice with are those that are really competative. Now i mostly dont game with them since they bring out the worst in me. I love games with people who have a similar Just for fun attitude. They bring out the best in me.
One of the best hints i have to give.
Cheer your opponents success and bemoan their failures. This makes for a much funner game. I once played a chaos player who by the end of turn one had lost over half of his army to a well placed genestealer charge. He was litterally overjoyed by the success that my stealers had against his marines. I tabled him by turn three and i have to say that he was a Joy to play. From that point on i learned to cheer my opponent and to be supportive of their experince during the game. It helps to take the edge off and makes for a more fun gaming environment. Hope this helped.

This. So much this.

A few similar points.

Build lists that tell a story. Tau? Try imagining a scouting force, and ensure everything has the ability to infltrate or move quickly. Empire? Pick a region and build a list around its fluff. You will be more likely to lose, but it puts the fun at the foundation of the game.

Be quick to dice off for a disagreement, rather than poring over the rules. It keeps things moving.

Pick a humorous army. It's hard to take orks too seriously, when your shokk attack gun has just self-destructed, your trukks have careened into each other, and your wierdboy has just wiped out half of his own unit.

Be quick to laugh. Sennacherib made this point, but it really bears repeating. If something unusual happens, make a joke about it. I played a game where a dwarf thane and wood elf character were locked in utterly useless combat. We ended up joking about what was happening - they were swinging handbags, scratching and pulling hair. It messed up both of our tactics, but the humour made the game enoyable.

Sennacherib - apt username for this advice.

The problem is that you only play in friendly games.

That's as serious as it gets for you. In a way it's like every game you play is the championship round of a tournament. If you win, you've won it all, but if you lose, you've lost everything. You tell yourself that you're not trying to win, but you know you are, otherwise you wouldn't care.

Here's some things you can do to make your games more enjoyable.

Play a team game.

Use an army with no armor saves. (I play orks because I can't make a save anyway and its far less aggravating.)

Pick a stupid objective and just go for that (like killing your opponents favorite model/squad)...don't even try to win.

Swap armies with your opponent.

Play Apocalypse.

Use a random event generator.

Play older missions.

Mix it up and don't always play book missions. Have tank race

Phototoxin wrote:It's 40k not chess. If people are going to play it like chess then we need to bring in chess clocks.

Some people are so fething slow when it comes to making decisions that I wish I could bring a chess clock when we play 40k...

I'm normally laid back with 40k. However, with the team-campaign rules we're using, a loss affects my team, not just me. So I try not to let them down.

Still, I'm playing against good friends. Sometimes you just get your ass handed to you.

I've had the same problems. While all the above are reasonable suggestions, I might toss a few more in. Try and see if there are specific triggers for your anger. Are their specific players that you find yourself growing angry with over and over? Are their certain armies that push your buttons? Do you have a tendency to get angrier if you are over-caffeinated or if you are playing on an empty stomach? I think that identifying specific triggers for unwanted behavior can go a long way towards curbing it. I'm not suggesting that you ignore other people's advice, just that you try and examine the root of the problem in greater depth.

actually i think playing with chess clocks would HELP you get over your problem

seems to me your overthinking and overinvestment in your moves are whats preventing you from enjoying yourself

with a chess clock you might find yourself playing riskier and more loose. less invested with making the "right" moves

I'm one of those people that takes forever to play and overthinks every move.. and then whatever move I make just gets the unit wiped out anyway.