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Made in se
Ferocious Black Templar Castellan






Sweden

Siegfried stood at the barricade, looking out over the ruined city. The Orks were not attacking, having been temporarily repelled by the city's defenders. Thinking about the endless fighting that lay ahead of them, Siegfried let out a sigh. There was no honour in fighting Orks.
"What troubles you, brother?" Daron asked. Like Siegfried his power armour was painted black, but unlike him his helmet was formed into the likeness of the Emperor.
"'Tis nothing, Reclusiarch" Siegfried replied. The last thing he needed now was another lecture. "I am a Reclusiarch of the Eternal Crusade; it is my duty to focus the minds of our brothers. Your mind is not at ease, so tell me: what ails you?" the Chaplain responded, moving up to look Siegfried in the eyes. "This is not a war in which I want part" Siegfried admitted. "The Emperor chose me to be His Champion and yet there is no need for me. There is no glory in slaying Orks and our so-called 'brothers' shy the thick of battle" he finished, his voice full of contempt.
"The Harbingers of the Emperor are our brothers, not only in name but in blood. Dorn watches them, just as he watches us. You should not judge them, brother" Daron reprimanded him. "Their ways are not our ways. They excel in ranged firefights, but why is that less honourable? Who are you to judge them?" The Reclusiarch walked away from the barricade, back toward the local command hub, leaving Siegfried to his thoughts.

The Orks had come in great numbers and, shockingly enough, completely surprised the Imperial defenders. With a massive fleet, the Waaagh! swept away a few orbital defence stations around Vuul Septimus, the outermost planet of the Vuul system, before running into real resistance: the Harbingers of the Emperor. Being descendant from Rogal Dorn, the small Harbinger battle-fleet stubbornly stood against the Orks in defence of their home system, allowing Astropaths to send cries for aid. Among those who answered the call were the Clausewitz Crusade of the Black Templars. When the extent of the Waaagh! was realised the Segmentum Command dispatched over 65 regiments of Imperial Guard to assist the Harbingers, but by then the land war had already begun in the Vuul system.
The Orks had focused their attack on Vuul Prime, the Fortress-Monastery of the Harbingers. The fighting had been intense, claiming millions of lives on both sides. Only the arrival of the Imperial Guad, two weeks after the fighting began, along with Astartes from 17 different Chapters, had managed to blunt the Ork advance. That had been a month ago. Now the Orks were on the offensive again, claiming massive casualties every day, but not without a great cost to themselves. Of the original 423 warriors of the Clausewitz Crusade, only 142 now remained. The fortress-monastery of the Harbingers remained in Imperial hands, but most of Hive Stormbeach, the hive city surrounding the mighty fortress, was lost. Though ammunition and other supplies were available from the fortress, time for repairs was not. Siegfried's armour, that most holy relic of the chapter, was dented and damaged. His bolt pistol was blackened by soot and fire. Only his sword, the thrice-blessed Black Sword, looked as it had when the fighting began.

"Champion", the voice of Marshal Clausewitz came across the vox, deep and filled with eagerness. Even among the Black Templars, Clausewitz was considered a zealot, always eager to spill the blood of the enemies of the Emperor. "Barricade B2-645 is under attack and has requested reinforcements. Your warriors are the closest. You are to deploy by Thunderhawk immediately." Siegfried sigh once again. More Orks, more pointless slaughter. To kill those who oppose the Emperor's will is noble, but for him, the Emperor's Champion, to slay hordes upon hordes of the green-skinned beasts without even a semblance of a challenge, is not what he wanted.
Siegfried jogged back to the Thunderhawk, his warriors already inside and waiting for him. As soon as he was inside, the Thunderhawk took off, speeding above the rooftops toward their destination. The Thunderhawk was only filled to half capacity. Other than Siegfried and Daron, there were five knights and three neophytes. In grim silence the passengers of the Thunderhawk waited, the only sounds that could be heard distant booms as something exploded.
"This is as close as I can get you, brothers. The greenskins have anti-air flak stationed not far from here, we'd be sitting ducks" the pilot voxed to them as the Thunderhawk started descending. The Thunderhawk came down with a gentle thud, the front ramp opening before the aircraft had even landed. The Templars sprang into action, leaping out onto the rockcrete of the highway they had landed on. 200 feet down the highway a fierce battle was taking place, Astartes and Guardsman alike fighting for their lives. Daron took the front, brandishing his massive Crozius Arcanum in one hand and his combi-flamer in the other. "Sons of Dorn, for the Emperor and the Chapter! No pity! No remorse! No fear!" he shouted, his voice amplified by his helmet vox. Siegfried and the other knights echoed his warcry, charging down the highway behind the Reclusiarch. The Orks had no time to react, the mass of black slamming into them like a fist. Daron smashed into the side of the Orks first, letting his momentum push one Ork of his feet and smashing the head of another in with his Crozius. Siegfried was not far behind, his sword slashing and darting, chopping off limbs and severing heads. Daron activated his combi-flamer, spewing blessed promethium over the greenskins. Though many perished, many more filled their places. Chanting the crude war-cries of their race, three massive Orks, easily the size of an Astartes, charged through their lesser brethren. They wielded crude but huge power axes, their hide covered in armoured plates. Meeting one of them head-on, Sigfried cut through the beast's axe and head in one fluid motion, leaving the Ork dead before it's head hit the ground. The second of the brutes managed to lop off the leg of a Harbinger, but was killed by the very same marine he'd managed to wound, his chest blasted apart by the marine's meltagun.

The third beast, the biggest and, presumably, most powerful of them all, however, was not immediately struck down. In a rare show of Orkish ingenuity he had targetted the part of the line held by the Imperial Guard. Lasfire bounced off the brute's armour and even grenade launchers proved unable to bring the beast down. Reaching the lines he cut down guardsmen by the scores, his technique crude but efficient. The brute finally met his end as a Commissar bashed his head in with a power fist, to great cheering among the guardsmen. Among the Templars, however, there was little cause to celebrate; the enemy was still coming. Initiate Aerthodan went down with a cry of rage, his torso pierced by five spears. Even in his death throes he smote the enemies of the God-Emperor, his chainsword lopping off the feet of three Orks before they silenced him forever with a rocket-hammer to his head. Enraged by the death of one of their own, the Templars fought with an insane rage, annihilating any Ork unfortunate enough to stand in their way. The Orks did not falter. Initiate Werner was the next to fall, his head turned into paste by a rocket-hammer. Before the Ork wielding it had time to lift it again, Neophyte Atrex brought his fallen master's power axe to bear on the Ork, splitting it's head in two. The Reclusiarch was there next to him, his Crozius crackling with lightning as he smote the enemies of Man. His combi-flamer expended, he now fought with his relic weapon in a two-handed grip, dealing violent and instant death to anyone he hit.
Still the Orks came. A Harbinger cried out a short, cut-off cry of pain before his chest exploded in a shower of gore. "Damn the brutes", Siegfried thought, "where'd they get weapons that violate even our sacred armour?" The Ork ranks split before the Reclusiarch, a single Ork coming through. Siegfried could not believe his eyes; the beast was the size of a Dreadnought, covered by a crude exoskeleton. A single shot from his wrist-mounted gun ended Neophyte Atrex's life, his entire upper body turned into a red mist. The Reclusiarch took the initiative, charging the giant, trying to end him with a single blow. The Ork deflected the attack and caught the Chaplain in one of his giant klaws, only to have the klaw shatter against the forcefield created by the Reclusiarch's Rosarius. A blow to the creature's head from the Crozius only served to make the creature angry, and with a sickening crack he pulled the Reclusiarch's arm from his body, the Crozius still firmly in the hand. Impaling the wounded marine with his broken klaw, the Ork lifted the Chaplain into the air before slamming him into the ground. Rambling incoherently with rage, Siegfried, having fought his way to the giant, hurled the Crozius at the Ork, striking him on the chin. A swift thrust to the beast's neck ended the Ork's life, his heavy corpse falling backwards and crushing his lesser brethren.
Upon the creature's death the remaining Orks faltered and broke, disheartened by their leader's death. The remaining Templars quickly rallied to the broken form of their Chaplain, leaving the remaining Orks to the Harbingers and guardsmen, who cut down scores of Orks with precision bolt- and lasfire. "Get to the Thunderhawk!" Siegfried shouted. "We must get the Reclusiarch to the Apothecaries!" As the Thunderhawk took off with the wounded Chaplain on board, Siegfried let out a sigh. There was no glory in this war, only death.



How is the spacing of the text? Is it too much of a wall of text or is it fine? Other constructive criticism welcome, I might write more if people care.

For thirteen years I had a dog with fur the darkest black. For thirteen years he was my friend, oh how I want him back. 
   
Made in gr
Steadfast Grey Hunter





Can't tell you. It's a secret...

Hmmm, I liked it but I think you need better spacing. Its too much of a text wall. You could i.e. get the dialog in different paragraphs to make it flow better

Overall i liked it. But I did not like that Siegfried killed the giant ork that fast and with little effort. Maybe re-write/re-think that part?

Anyway, I would like to see more Keep it up!

Don't grow up!!!

It's a TRAP!!! 
   
Made in us
Quick-fingered Warlord Moderatus






A bit more spacing would be much appreciated.
I like this story and where it's going so far, and I agree with Bobakos. Siegfried dispatched the giant Ork a bit too quickly for my tastes.

Lord Judicator Valdrakh of the Atun Dynasty (6th Ed: W:3, L:4, D:0)

 H.B.M.C. wrote:
Well GW were mostly responsible for the Berlin Wall, so it's natural for some people to harbour resentment towards them.
 
   
 
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