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Prelude - Blood Ravens Discarded

Around the beginning of the 42nd Millennium, the Blood Ravens Chapter were discovered to be descended from the Thousand Sons Legion. A massive furor immediately erupted, with the Inquisition and the Adeptus Astartes divided as to whether or not to treat the Blood Ravens as traitors or redeemed by their past services. Ultimately, the Inquisition called a hearing at Tertius, with Chapter Master Gabriel Angelos representing the Blood Ravens and representatives from other Chapters and Imperial organizations present. However, the Ordo Hereticus and others had other plans, having rigged the hearing. An Inquisition Exterminatus Fleet, with extensive support from the Grey Knights Chapter was covertly assembled. Even before the hearing, the Blood Ravens had already been declared excommunicate traitoris, the High Lords and the top echelons of the Inquisition having deemed that despite their past actions, the Blood Ravens were still Thousand Sons, and as such could not be trusted at all. At the Hearing of Tertius, Chapter Master Angelos and his allies among the Inquisition and the Mechanicus desperately pleaded their case, to no avail. Realizing that defeat was inevitable, Angelos secretly sent a message to his Chapter, commanding them to assemble in Aurelia, and evacuate the Sector before mirroring what their forebears had done at Prospero - escape with the fleet to the far edge of the galaxy. As feared, the Blood Ravens were declared traitors, Angelos' allies were declared diabolus extremis and were taken into custody. Angelos and his bodyguards fought to escape, but were ultimately taken down by Grey Knights secretly accompanying the Ordo Malleus delegation.

Aurelia Burns

Home of the Blood Ravens Chapter, Sub Sector Aurelia had recovered from the Tyranid and Black Legion onslaughts well. But war brooded on the horizon, and with the revelation of the Blood Ravens' origins, many Aurelians began to flee the Sector en masse. Even before the Hearing had begun, three Companies of Blood Ravens had gathered in the Sector; once Angelos' message had arrived and more Blood Ravens had gathered, the Blood Ravens began to grow apprehensive. Knowing the ruthlessness of the Inquisition, they knew all too well that acquittal had all too low a chance of happening. Fearing the worst, and with their Librarians foreseeing disaster, the Blood Ravens began to fortify the Sector. Captain Diomedes of the First Company stood aside, believing that even if the Chapter was to be abandoned by the Imperium, they should remain loyal and accept their fates. However, the other Captains were of no like mind, with Captains Tadashi of the Fifth and Xian of the Sixth bitterly comparing their fates to that of the Thousand Sons at Prospero.

Finally, the Inquisition sent a message: the Blood Ravens were to be granted pardon, but their fleet was to be inspected for signs of Chaotic taint. Captain Diomedes accepted this, but the other Captains were not so eager. Captains Tadashi and Xian deliberately delayed their arrival, and so were spared from the betrayal. The rest of the Blood Ravens fleet, arrived at the inspection site with their shields down and weapons unarmed, only to be disabled with precision strikes and boarded by their cousins from other Chapters. Only Captain Vess of the Second had managed to activate the shields of his Strike Cruiser on line in time, escaping as the rest of the fleet was overwhelmed. Captain Diomedes and his brothers, broken and enraged by the magnitude of the deception and betrayal, gave their lives, making the Inquisition and their Astartes allies pay for dearly for Blood Raven lives with blood.

Meanwhile, the Space Wolves fleet commanded by Ragnar Blackmane struck at the heart of the Blood Ravens' domain - Meridian. However, Captain Tadashi and Xian had foreseen this, and mined the outer system, delaying the Space Wolves advance. The two Captains immediately ordered an evacuation, but Captain Xian was killed by a Callidus posing as a Serf, and attacked Tadashi. The Fifth Captain stood his ground until the Callidus slashed his eye visors, blinding the Captain. Before the Assassin could deliver the final blow, more Blood Ravens arrived, distracting the Assassin long enough for the Captain to remove his helmet and, after breaking her leg, slowly had her tortured to death. The Assassin's mangled corpse was hung from Spire Zenith, and Captain Tadashi ordered all Blood Ravens' to prepare for battle. Venerable Dreadnought Davian Thule, the Captain's mentor, would mournfully reflect that perhaps this turn of events was inevitable, and that the time had come for the Fourth Fellowship to join their brothers who died in Prospero.

Finally, the Space Wolves assaulted Meridian itself. While formidable, Meridian's orbital defenses barely slowed the attackers down. Only the unexpected arrival of Captain Vess and the Second Company gave the Blood Ravens a chance to escape, as the Space Wolves redirected additional forces to the outer system. Meridian burned, it's Hives and Manufactoria destroyed by orbital bombardment. The Wolves directed their assault against Spire Zenith, defended by the Second Company under Captain Vess and Davian Thule. Vess had ordered Tadashi to extract the Blood Ravens' gene-repository at the heart of Zenith, and evacuate the Fifth and Sixth to the what was left of the fleet outside the system by teleporter. The younger Captain completed the task in time to witness Vess' death, overwhelmed and torn to shreds by packs of Wulfen, and his mentor killed when Ragnar Blackmane plunged his blade through the ruined Dreadnought straight into Thule's sarcophagus. Enraged by the savagery of the Wolves and by the blindness of the Imperium, Tadashi overloaded Zenith's plasma reactors before becoming the last of the Fifth Company to teleport to the fleet. Blackmane and most of the Wolves escaped, but Sororitas and Imperial Guard forces were not as lucky - at least 150,000 of them died when Spire Zenith ignited in nuclear flame. Onboard the Blood Ravens' fleet, Captain Tadashi learned of Diomedes' fall, and vowed revenge. As the Grey Knights and Inquisition fleets entered the system, the Blood Ravens fled into the Warp, vowing vengeance, and seeking to join their brothers and Primarch on the Planet of the Sorcerers.

Space pups suck

So long story short...
Fenris is attacked and everything goes perfectly for the Thousand Sons and no one tries to help the Space Wolves?
Right...

What I don't understand is why the Blood Ravens would be so quick to join the Thousand Sons. They just spent the better part of a decade purging their Chapter of heresy, and they were left with maybe a company by the time the cleansing was finished.

Arcsquad12 wrote:What I don't understand is why the Blood Ravens would be so quick to join the Thousand Sons. They just spent the better part of a decade purging their Chapter of heresy, and they were left with maybe a company by the time the cleansing was finished.

Let's see, Sub Sector Aurelia is reduced to ashes, virtually every Imperial organization is out for their blood, their 'allies' in the Inquisition and the Mechanicus can't help them anymore since the secret's out, and they know who their Primarch is now. The Imperium has cast them out, the only person who can pardon them, the Emperor, is not an option, to whom will they turn?

purplefood wrote:So long story short...
Fenris is attacked and everything goes perfectly for the Thousand Sons and no one tries to help the Space Wolves?
Right...

The Imperium predicted the Thousand Sons to strike the weakened defenses around Cadia, by the time the word got out that Fenris was under siege, it was too late. Not to mention the Warp Storm boiling around the Fenris system brought by the arrival of Magnus the Red. Don't forget, during the Plague of Unbelief, no Imperial reinforcements arrived either.

1. I thought Ahriman was exiled from the Thousand Sons for that little Rubric thing he did?

2. Why didn't the Space Wolves ask for help, considering they knew that they were attacked? The last time they knew they were fighting the Thousand Sons (Battle of Prospero) they requested and received Custodes and Sisters of Silence to assist them.

3. If the Thousand Sons could rebuild their Legion that easily, why did they wait 10,000 years to do so?

LoneLictor wrote:1. I thought Ahriman was exiled from the Thousand Sons for that little Rubric thing he did?

He was, but that doesn't mean he doesn't keep in touch with Magnus and the other Thousand Sons.

2. Why didn't the Space Wolves ask for help, considering they knew that they were attacked? The last time they knew they were fighting the Thousand Sons (Battle of Prospero) they requested and received Custodes and Sisters of Silence to assist them.

The Imperium insisted on holding their forces around the ravaged areas around the Eye. The Inquisition doesn't exactly trust the Space Wolves, which may have accounted for them ignoring the Rune Priests' warnings. Even when the distress call went out, by the time the Reinforcement Fleet arrived, Magnus the Red's Warp Storm prevented them from entering the Fenris System.

3. If the Thousand Sons could rebuild their Legion that easily, why did they wait 10,000 years to do so?

Magnus used the Blood Ravens' - the Fourth Fellowship- gene-seed to rebuild the legion.

Tadashi wrote:

LoneLictor wrote:1. I thought Ahriman was exiled from the Thousand Sons for that little Rubric thing he did?

He was, but that doesn't mean he doesn't keep in touch with Magnus and the other Thousand Sons.

When you've been exiled by someone and almost killed, you don't keep in touch. Magnus hates Ahriman with a passion. Had Tzeentch himself not directly intervened, Ahriman would be dead.

Tadashi wrote:

2. Why didn't the Space Wolves ask for help, considering they knew that they were attacked? The last time they knew they were fighting the Thousand Sons (Battle of Prospero) they requested and received Custodes and Sisters of Silence to assist them.

The Imperium insisted on holding their forces around the ravaged areas around the Eye. The Inquisition doesn't exactly trust the Space Wolves, which may have accounted for them ignoring the Rune Priests' warnings. Even when the distress call went out, by the Reinforcement Fleet arrived, Magnus the Red's Warp Storm prevented them from entering the Fenris System.

I can see that happening.

Tadashi wrote:

3. If the Thousand Sons could rebuild their Legion that easily, why did they wait 10,000 years to do so?

Magnus used the Blood Ravens' - the Fourth Fellowship- gene-seed to rebuild the legion.

You said the Blood Ravens were destroyed. Also, the Thousand Sons were down to less than a thousand Marines by the Battle of Prospero. That means that the two companies of Blood Ravens would've had to have carried more than 8,000 geneseed thingies. That would be a helluva lot.

I guess my main problem with this piece of fluff is that there's no tension or conflict. The Thousand Sons suffer no setbacks or close calls and the Space Wolves inflict no damage on them. Everything goes perfectly according to plan. Also, Tadashi, the main character has little development. I know nothing about him beyond that he's a Blood Raven and then a Thousand Son, so I have no real reason to care about him.

LoneLictor wrote:

Tadashi wrote:

LoneLictor wrote:1. I thought Ahriman was exiled from the Thousand Sons for that little Rubric thing he did?

He was, but that doesn't mean he doesn't keep in touch with Magnus and the other Thousand Sons.

When you've been exiled by someone and almost killed, you don't keep in touch. Magnus hates Ahriman with a passion. Had Tzeentch himself not directly intervened, Ahriman would be dead.

His star is on the rise with Magnus because of his efforts to break into the Webway.

Tadashi wrote:

3. If the Thousand Sons could rebuild their Legion that easily, why did they wait 10,000 years to do so?

Magnus used the Blood Ravens' - the Fourth Fellowship- gene-seed to rebuild the legion.

You said the Blood Ravens were destroyed. Also, the Thousand Sons were down to less than a thousand Marines by the Battle of Prospero. That means that the two companies of Blood Ravens would've had to have carried more than 8,000 geneseed thingies. That would be a helluva lot.

I never said they didn't bring the fleet with them. The Blood Ravens gene-repository was intact - around a thousand sets of gene-seed. And they have the apothecarion's synthesis facilities. Considering time doesn't flow normally in the Eye, it didn't take them too long too make the new gene-seed and expand the legion.

I guess my main problem with this piece of fluff is that there's no tension or conflict. The Thousand Sons suffer no setbacks or close calls and the Space Wolves inflict no damage on them. Everything goes perfectly according to plan. Also, Tadashi, the main character has little development. I know nothing about him beyond that he's a Blood Raven and then a Thousand Son, so I have no real reason to care about him.

Understandable. Give me a few suggestions to flesh it out, and I'll edit the material.

Tadashi wrote:

LoneLictor wrote:

Tadashi wrote:

LoneLictor wrote:1. I thought Ahriman was exiled from the Thousand Sons for that little Rubric thing he did?

He was, but that doesn't mean he doesn't keep in touch with Magnus and the other Thousand Sons.

When you've been exiled by someone and almost killed, you don't keep in touch. Magnus hates Ahriman with a passion. Had Tzeentch himself not directly intervened, Ahriman would be dead.

His star is on the rise with Magnus because of his efforts to break into the Webway.

I'm too tired to respond to the rest of your post right now, but I will respond to this.

Failing to break into the Webway won't make Ahriman anymore appealing to Magnus. In Magnus' eyes, Ahriman was the one who ruined his Legion, butchering the souls of hundreds of loyal Thousand Sons. As I said earlier, Magnus would kill Ahriman if it weren't for Tzeentch.

Tadashi wrote:

purplefood wrote:So long story short...
Fenris is attacked and everything goes perfectly for the Thousand Sons and no one tries to help the Space Wolves?
Right...

The Imperium predicted the Thousand Sons to strike the weakened defenses around Cadia, by the time the word got out that Fenris was under siege, it was too late. Not to mention the Warp Storm boiling around the Fenris system brought by the arrival of Magnus the Red. Don't forget, during the Plague of Unbelief, no Imperial reinforcements arrived either.

The Plague of Unbelief was a time when no one was doing anything, also considering it was a seige by Imperial forces it would have been kinda hard to send Imperial reinforcements...
The EoT is pretty damn close meaning the Cadian Gate is also pretty damn close. Reinforcements could get their fairly soon.
Fenris is one of the premier strongholds of the Imperium held by some of the best warriors...
What happened here was the SW were handed the stupid ball and left to die...
Is this supposed to be a 'What if?' kinda thing or fluff for a character?

Seems like an awful lot of fluff bending and stretching. I'm all for Chaos getting a leg up against the Imperium, but one does not simply assemble a legion of 10,000 marines in no time at all, not to mention where they got all the equipment from. I dislike the Space Wolves, but being swept aside so easily is very unbelievable, fluff breaking, and doesn't provide any real form of entertainment while reading.

There's a lot of unknowns and inconsistencies. Even the basic premise of the story is a stretch (I know the origin of the Blood Ravens is super secret and all that, but suddenly discovering their origins now and being declared traitors is...hard to believe), so the rest of the story builds on a shaky idea.

If there was more development as to how the Ravens came to know their origin, and the events following this discover, it'd be a lot better. Furthermore, there would need to be a lot of explaining as to how they massed such an incredibly massive force (10,000 marines is A LOT, in fact, I'd say too much) and equipped said force, as well as acquiring such a sizeable fleet. It all just doesn't add up well.

There are many holes that need to filled, and you'll find most people will dislike the idea of completely annihilating a first founding chapter completely (the largest one at that, second largest chapter in existence) as it really doesn't hold much water, all things considered. I don't know how to suggest something better, as I wouldn't try and write an all out siege on arguably one of the most well defended fortresses in the Imperium.

Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't do nice and sugary comments. I mean only the best, so I apologize in advance if it may rub you the wrong way; it is not intended.

Blacksails wrote:Seems like an awful lot of fluff bending and stretching. I'm all for Chaos getting a leg up against the Imperium, but one does not simply assemble a legion of 10,000 marines in no time at all, not to mention where they got all the equipment from. I dislike the Space Wolves, but being swept aside so easily is very unbelievable, fluff breaking, and doesn't provide any real form of entertainment while reading.

There's a lot of unknowns and inconsistencies. Even the basic premise of the story is a stretch (I know the origin of the Blood Ravens is super secret and all that, but suddenly discovering their origins now and being declared traitors is...hard to believe), so the rest of the story builds on a shaky idea.

If there was more development as to how the Ravens came to know their origin, and the events following this discover, it'd be a lot better. Furthermore, there would need to be a lot of explaining as to how they massed such an incredibly massive force (10,000 marines is A LOT, in fact, I'd say too much) and equipped said force, as well as acquiring such a sizeable fleet. It all just doesn't add up well.

There are many holes that need to filled, and you'll find most people will dislike the idea of completely annihilating a first founding chapter completely (the largest one at that, second largest chapter in existence) as it really doesn't hold much water, all things considered. I don't know how to suggest something better, as I wouldn't try and write an all out siege on arguably one of the most well defended fortresses in the Imperium.

Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't do nice and sugary comments. I mean only the best, so I apologize in advance if it may rub you the wrong way; it is not intended.

No, no, not offended at all. As I said, constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks anyway, I will try and re-write the story.

So first: if the Blood Ravens are Thousand Sons, I have to make it reasonable that despite all their contributions the Imperium simply sets them aside. Second, how they rebuilt an entire legion and fleet in fifty years - although the basic explanation for that is fifty years in real space could be centuries in the Warp. And finally, extend the campaign so the Space Wolves are still wiped out (not giving that up), but make it more drawn out and elaborated upon. Any further suggestions?

A good way to have a climactic finish would be to have Russ return at the final battle and, after a long and protracted fight, be defeated by Magnus.

deathholydeath wrote:A good way to have a climactic finish would be to have Russ return at the final battle and, after a long and protracted fight, be defeated by Magnus.

Placed in consideration, and approved. The Thirteenth Company will be wiped out, but enough Space Wolves will escape to allow them to rebuild. Fenris will remain a lost cause though, and Magnus will keep Russ' head as a wall trophy.

Tadashi wrote:

deathholydeath wrote:A good way to have a climactic finish would be to have Russ return at the final battle and, after a long and protracted fight, be defeated by Magnus.

Placed in consideration, and approved. The Thirteenth Company will be wiped out, but enough Space Wolves will escape to allow them to rebuild. Fenris will remain a lost cause though, and Magnus will keep Russ' head as a wall trophy.

No no no no no no... Part of the problem with this is that there's no conflict. It's pretty much just five paragraphs describing a curb stomping. Having Magnus kill Russ will just make it worse. That's like, if you write a five paragraph description of a guy being curb stomped and people critique so you decide to change it so that the guy loses more teeth.

LoneLictor wrote:

Tadashi wrote:

deathholydeath wrote:A good way to have a climactic finish would be to have Russ return at the final battle and, after a long and protracted fight, be defeated by Magnus.

Placed in consideration, and approved. The Thirteenth Company will be wiped out, but enough Space Wolves will escape to allow them to rebuild. Fenris will remain a lost cause though, and Magnus will keep Russ' head as a wall trophy.

No no no no no no... Part of the problem with this is that there's no conflict. It's pretty much just five paragraphs describing a curb stomping. Having Magnus kill Russ will just make it worse. That's like, if you write a five paragraph description of a guy being curb stomped and people critique so you decide to change it so that the guy loses more teeth.

I'm still working on the new version, but the gist is still the same, although the Word Bearers will be involved, more background is given why the Imperium simply discards the Blood Ravens, Cadia is assaulted - again - and Fenris still burns. But this time, the Sons' plans will not be completely successful - they will fail to destroy the Wolves, but Russ will die. I'm not giving up on the last part - I hate Russ. Magnus and what's left of his Court and Eye will retreat back to the Eye.

By the way, what's your opinion: should I give Lorgar an appearance or not?

I truly believe destroying a first founding chapter will always be a poor example of 40k fan fiction.

When writing fan fiction, I always ensure that what I write does not have some sort of monstrous impact on the entirety of the 40k universe. Destroying the Space Wolves, for example, goes against whatever fluff currently exists (and likely will exist, for obvious reason), and as such will generally be regarded as an exercise for you to fantasize about a character (oddly enough, your screen name) who takes on one of the strongest space marine chapters in the Imperium. As LoneLictor pointed out, adding in more details about annihilating the space pups will only make it a longer story about a completely one-sided affair, still lacking some key conflict.

While I understand you're in the middle of editing (read the beginning), I still think this whole thing should be taken in a different direction. Rather than destroying the Space Wolves, a simple battle above Fenris in which the Blood Ravens/Thousand Sons where Chaos manages to destroy a battle-barge and a few strike cruisers while suffering minimal losses in return (say a few strike cruisers) and then retreating back into the warp would make for a better read. Its far more believable than winning a siege against the Fang (you will have a very, very hard time getting people to take your story seriously; it really is the top three most defended fortress in the Imperium) and still strikes a significant blow against the Space Wolves, while also not being completely one-sided.

But then again, I also don't believe in writing fan fiction about currently well established chapters/groups as that's the realm of GW and their official fluff team. There's so much more in the 40k world to write about and flesh out rather than trying and kill off a first founding chapter.

Once again Blacksails has said everything I think...

I'm still hung up on the whole Blood Ravens part. Even if they are declared traitors, I cannot see Angelos turning to Chaos for a second.

What I could see happening is the Force Commander's fall. With Retribution's canon story mentioning Avitus being the traitor from Chaos Rising, that means that the FC was banished to the Eye of Terror for a hundred years with his tainted followers.

While the loyalists of Tarkus, Cyrus, Martello and maybe Thaddeus returned to help slay Kyras and purge the chapter of heresy, there is still the penitent marines on their hundred year crusade who could encounter the Thousand Sons within the Eye.

I just doubt that the loyalist Blood Ravens would turn to the Thousand sons even after being branded pariahs. Maybe become rogue space cops doing justice for the Imperium even without its blessing, but not outright defection.

Seriously this thing need to stop and right now. I have nothing to add only that.

On the other side how would you feel Tadashi if I insulted the intelligence of all the Ultras and let Rowboat get eaten by a Carnifex or gambled away to Vect because Calgar refused to see the dishonesty of Vect in a poker-game? And nobody interfered?

Asking me, the Mods should stop the whole thread as it's the thing described in a very gay-slurrish word on 1d4chan. Nothing less, nothing more.