1)
If you're interested in 15mm gaming and in games other than the big ones, you should also check out
- The Miniatures Page
www.theminiaturespage.com
A hotbed of 15mm fans. A fair number of Grongonards there, but an incredible depth of gaming experience amongst the members. Not so much
GW though...
-Lead Adventure.
http://www.lead-adventure.de/
Very diverse, especially outside the big players.
I love me some Dakka, but those are places that tend to gather up much of the more obscure stuff.
2)
As for getting your Grimdark fix, I don't think anything but
40k will really suffice, I still come back to it when I get the jones for Grimdark. "Warengine" (see below) can do a pretty good job though as it has a similar pulpy sci-fantasy feel with a similar balance between ranged and Close combat. Tomorrow's War is a great game, but it is the exact opposite of everything that
40k is and is about as far from Grimdark as you can get.
3)
As for "older, wiser" players, I'm only old when compared to the
GW store newbie crowd, and I'm only rarely confused with "wiser" but I've mostly moved on to games that are smaller in scope (less figs on the table at once), "Generic" (don't tell you which figures to use) and in most cases free or much cheaper in price.
Some of my favorites include:
-Song of Blades and Heroes (Fantasy Warband Skirmish)
-WarEngine (sci-fi platoon level, look for their yahoo group for the free rules)
-In The Emperor's Name (Warband skirmish in the
40k world).
Check the link in my sig for more of the games my club plays.
I also dabble in small scale (10mm in my case, though 6mm is more common) sci-fi mass combat with games like Future War commander, Panzer 8 sci-fi and Mech Attack.
4)
As to location, my club occasionally meets at a local
FLGS, but nearly all our bi-weekly games are in member's homes.