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As tradition goes, after a visit to our great FLGS Fanatix of Dothan, AL for some league games followed by dinner, beers, and ogling our favorite waitress at the Bee’s, we head off to the Evil Lair for some late night 40k and socializing (aka more beer and watching late night MTV and horrible SciFi movies).

After we get to the Evil Lair and let Chili out to use the restroom in the neighbor’s front yard, we wait for our competitor Rob “2.0” to arrive and get ready to play some late night basketball. And what I mean by late night basketball is: Oh my god, these white guys are way too old to be playing and are getting owned by Mike, aka “The Korean Kobe.” Seriously, it’s like walking into a medic tent on the frontline of a battlefield after they’re done playing. Ankles are iced, backs are thrown out, panting and heaving abound…pathetic. Eventually, 2.0 and his girl Natasha arrive with a myriad of snack foods and it is time to throw some dice.

2.0 begins to unpack his miniatures and asks who’s playing him this evening. I ask Chandler if he’s up for the game but having already secured a victory for the Thousand Sons against the Necron forces early this evening he responds by saying, “I can not...and will not…engage this MISCREANT in the ring this evening! You’re welcome.”
Skip to 1m21s:



I had only brought about half of my wolves with me as the others were in stages of repair and stripping but what the hell, I’ve played 2.0 at least 3 times a month for the last two years. Let’s get it on.

*Ding Ding Ding*

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Welcome to a sold out, record setting attendance, Evil Lair Coliseum championship bout. In the Blue corner hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin. His cologne smells of fresh gorgonzola. A man so cheesy even his dice are yellow. The bringer of the delicious cheesy goodness that is Papa John’s! Our challenger, a man who will from now on be referred to as “that cheating bastage”: Rob “2.0”!

Warlord
Ordo Malleus Inquisitor in Termie Armor w/Psycannon and Thunder Hammer, Code Name: Paco von Swela
Troops
2x Grey Knight Strike Squad (Justicar w/ Halberd, 2 Thunder Hammer dudes, 2 psycannon dudes, 5 dudes w/ Force Sword and Stormbolter)
Heavy Support
Grey knight Purgation Squad (Justicar, 4 Psycannon dudes, 2 dudes w/ Force Sword and Storm Bolter)
Nemesis Dreadknight w/ Heavy Incinerator, Gatling Psilencer, Personal Teleporter, 2 Nemesis Doomfists
Aegis Defense Line w/ Quad Gun

Also making a special guest appearance on the field but not in the list was the PsyDread w/ 2 Twin Linked Autocannons and Psybolt ammo.

In the Red corner hailing from the University of Miami. They may have Land Raiders. They may have Helldrakes. God help us, they may have Mephiston strapped into a Dreadknight shooting Jaws out of his wang. But he is the commander of the genestealer, and thus he fears nothing. The reigning champion of the Evil Lair Coliseum: “Giggles”!

HQ:
Rune Priest – Chooser, Master of Runes, Plasma Pistol, Living Lightning, Murderous Hurricane, Warlord
Rune Priest - Chooser, Master of Runes, Living Lightning, Jaws of the World Wolf
Troops:
Grey Hunters x9 – Plasma Gun, Drop Pod
Grey Hunters x6 – Flamer, Razorback – Lascannon, Stormbolter
Grey Hunters x6 – Melta, Razorback – Lascannon, Stormbolter
Fast Attack:
Land Speeder – Multi-melta, Typhoon Missile Launcher
Land Speeder – Multi-melta, Typhoon Missile Launcher
Heavy Support:
Long Fangs x6 – Squad Leader, 5x Missile Launcher, Drop Pod

The Mission: Relic
Deployment: Hammer and Anvil
Initiative: Grey Knights



Grey Knights deploy behind their ADL with the Dreadknight behind the bunker. The PsyDread, aka Lance Armstrong, sat on top of the bunker. The two Strike squads are inside the rhinos.



Space Wolves deploy both land speeders behind a rock cropping with a LasBack behind a nearby rock cropping. The other LasBack sat inside some ruins on the left flank and the Long Fang squad sat inside the middle ruins. The drop pod with the Rune Priest and Grey Hunters and the empty Long Fang drop pod are in reserve.

I attempt to seize the initiative but fail and its Rob’s turn one.

Grey Knight Turn 1

The Dreadknight shunts across the table and lands in front of my Long Fang squad. The two Rhinos move out of the ADL and pop smoke.





Dreadknight uses his flamer and Gatling Silencer on the Long Fangs but only manages to kill the squad leader and one missile launcher. The PsyDread, aka Shoeless Joe, gets one glancing and one penetrating hit on the my right LasBack taking two hull points and the lascannon turret. The Purgation squad fires the quad gun and takes the last remaining hull point off of the Razorback. First Blood for the Grey Knights.



The most important part of this turn was that he forgot to cast warp quake. Seriously, as many times as he forgets this, especially when I bring my Doom of Malan’tai, he should probably think of having it tattooed across the back of hand. Looking back on it now, maybe I should have mentioned that the Mello Yello was actually a carnifex...

Space Wolves Turn 1

The Rune Priest led drop pod arrives and deep strikes behind enemy lines.



The two land speeders and LasBack move up and ready to fire into the Dreadknight.



The melta squad gets out of the wreckage and moves toward the Dreadknight. The melta-gunner and bolters let loose and put a wound on the dread knight. Both Land speeders fire melta and typhoons and cause two more wounds. The LasBack fires but rolls a one to wound. Knowing I have to get it off the table the Long Fangs fire their missiles at causing two hits but two one’s are rolled to wound. /le sigh. The Rune Priest with the Long Fang Squad gets his Jaws power denied but manages to get 4 shots with Living Lightning, however, all saves are made. The drop pod squad rapid fires everything into the Purgation squad leaving only the Warlord and a Psycannon on the quad gun.



Grey Knight Turn 2

The left strike squad gets out of their rhino into the ruins while the other rhino moves up the right toward the relic. The Inquisitor leaves the purgation squad and moves to the other side of the ADL and joins the strike squad in the ruins. The Rhino attempts to move forward in the ruins but becomes immobilized.



The Dreadknight moves toward the Grey Hunter melta squad and opens fire with his flamer and silencer killing three. The strike squad now led by the Inquisitor fire their psycannons and stormbolters at the Rune Priest’s squad and kill 4. The PsyDread, aka Bill Belichick, wrecks one of my land speeders.



The Dreadknight then charges the remaining Grey Hunters and smites them, consolidating into the ruins with the wrecked razorback.

Space Wolves Turn 2

The empty drop pod does not come in. The Rune Priest led Grey Hunter squad moved to take control of the quad gun. The Landspeeder moves to engage the Dreadknight while the LasBack continues advancing on the relic.



The Grey Hunter squad from the drop pod kills the last surviving member of the purgation squad and claims the quad gun. The Landspeeder fires the multi-melta and typhoon missiles at the Dreadknight but only one missile hits and fails to wound. The LasBack fires its lascannon at the Dread but rolls a one to hit, twin linked, and a two.
The Long Fangs fire into the Dreadknight, three hit, and three ‘s are rolled.

It has one wound left. Why can’t I kill it? I have my last resort, the Long Fang Rune Priest, and I use Living Lightning at it. All saves are made. What the hell, let’s Jaws it. It goes off and he rolls a 5. Removed from the game.


(2.0’s dead-pile)

Even if I lose this game, this is a moral victory for me. 2.0 had previously played Space Wolves and he sold that army to me and one other guy in order to start his Grey Knights. I can’t begin to tell you how many Tervigons and Carnifexen he’s killed of mine but now it is I who has removed HIS monstrous creature from the game using Jaws of the World Wolf.

It is at this point we hear a loud bang from the living room. We go to investigate and find this in the hall bathroom.



Somehow Chili had climbed and fallen into the bathtub and couldn’t get out.
“I’m telling you,” Chandler says, “he used to be such a good dog. Now he’s out at all hours of the night, hyped up on cocaine and chasing loose women. What’s next, Chili?! You gonna start playing Necron Air as well?!”

Grey Knight Turn 3

The Strike squad moves out of the ruins back toward the aegis defense line while the other squad advances toward the relic in their rhino.



The PsyDread, aka Diego Maradona, immobilizes my last landspeeder facing the wrong direction. The strike squad in the rhino fire psycannons out of the hatch along with the other strike to kill all but one lone grey hunter.



Who is subsequently charged and killed giving the Grey Knights control over the quad gun again. Slay the Warlord goes to the Grey Knights.

Space Wolves Turn 3

The LasBack moves up in front of the Grey Knight rhino hoping that at point blank range it will not miss again. The Rune Priest moves to the front of the Long Fang squad.



The LasBack hits and explodes the Rhino killing one Grey Knight in the blast. The Rune Priest then casts Jaws and Living lightning but only manages to kill two more. Thanks to the cover save from the wreckage the Long Fangs only manage to kill one more.



Meanwhile at the Landspeeder…
Passenger: “Well this sucks.”
Driver: “Yeah. Guess we have some time to kill. Hand me that crossword puzzle out of the glove box. I think there are a couple of magazines in there as well.”
Passenger: “Sweet.”

Grey Knight Turn 4:

The strike squad, led by the Inquisitor, moves up the field toward the relic. The strike squad in the wrecked rhino moves up and claims the relic. We roll to see what type of artifact it is and get a roll of 17 on two dice. Unsure as to what this was we check the BRB and are shocked to find out the relic is Karn, the Betrayer in a stasis field!

The strike squad holding the relic fires their psycannons into the LasBack getting 4 pens and wrecking it.



The PsyDread, aka Mark McGwire, fires into my Long Fangs killing the Rune Priest who failed his 2 LOS rolls. I am rolling more ones than Chandler does, and that is impressive. My dice have decided to betray me tonight for not playing my Nids.

Space Wolves Turn 4:

The drop pod comes in automatically and lands in between the two strike squads. The lone Grey Hunter squad moves out of the wreckage and positions itself to flame the strike squad holding the relic. The flame thrower plus rapid fire bolters kill 3 of the strike squad. The long fangs fire krak missiles at the squad killing 2 more.



Meanwhile at the landspeeder…
Driver: What’s a 10 letter word for cheater?
Passenger: Mountebank
Driver: Ah! That works. And that makes 15 across: Prick, and 33 down: Cur.

Grey Knights Turn 5:

The strike squad reclaims the relic while the Inquisitor’s squad moves up to support them. The PsyDread, aka Boris Onishchenko, wrecks the drop pod but fails to explode it leaving it to block LOS. The squad holding the relic fire psycannons into the Grey Hunter squad killing 4 of them. The Inquisitor’s squad fires all of their weapons into the Long Fangs leaving only one missile launcher alive. All leadership tests are passed and move into the final turn.



Space Wolves Turn 5:

The last two Grey Hunters rapid fire into the Grey Knight holding the relic but cause no wounds. The lone Long Fang fires a krak missile and BOOM! Deader than hell.



The game ends with a score of 2-0 in favor of the Grey Knights. But little did they know that the last missile explosion had damaged the stasis field. Karn awakens and screams, “Waaaghaaahddddwrrrryyyyyyyyyaaaghhhssssddddffffffuuuuuu!”



Meanwhile at the landspeeder…
Passenger: Man, I can’t see anything. What’s going on back there?
Driver: Dude, it’s like walking into a dancing bear party back there! Or maybe a lemon party? Either way it’s not pretty.
Passenger: You have any idea what that guy was yelling about a minute ago?
Driver: Well, if my Khornese is accurate. I believe he said, “Sir! Sir! Excuse me but do you have time to talk about our lord and savior Khorne? Sir?!


This morning I message 2.0 on the book of faces and ask him for a detailed run down on his army list for the battle report. He responds with, “Turns out I cheated ya. I didn’t actually have the PsyDread in the list. Sry about the extra dakka lols.”

Extra dakka my ass. That PsyDread essentially killed my LasBack, Rune Priest, Landspeeder, immobilized the other landspeeder facing the wrong direction, and wrecked a drop pod. Easily his mvp of the game. But oh well. It was fun and it’s just a game. I know he didn’t do it on purpose and he almost always has 1-2 in every list anyway so he probably just thought he had accounted for the points somewhere in adding up everything. In the immortal words of Lance Armstrong and the motto of our wargaming group: Cheat to win, baby!

~Skyfish aka Giggles

Awesomeness

Hilarious. Make him play with 200 points less in the next game, to make up for it.

So I go up to the FLGS Fanatix of Dothan for some Wargaming Thursday action last night and afterward we headed out to Buffalo Wild Wings for some refreshments. At BWW, 2.0 joined us after he got off work where he presented me with an awesome present.....



...

Apparently they made these after the whole Lance Armstrong fiasco. I found it hilarious and thought I'd share.

Thanks again for reading and C&C is always welcome. I want to bring you the best batreps I can so if there is anything you like, don't like, let me know.

But for now, I'm off to the Evil Lair. I've been giving midterms all day (English Teacher) and could use a couple cold ones. We'll see who gets in the ring tonight and hopefully I can get you guys another batrep up this weekend.

~Skyfish

Giggles, I like how you capture what it like to game here in the Circle City. Just wish I could have hung in there to watch that basketball game. That had to be HIGHlareous.