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Footsteps were heard all through the hallway, resonating against the ancient walls and arches. Statues adorned the hallway, each one of them representing an ancient hero of the Chapter's past. The hall was empty, save for one man. A giant, one of the Adeptus Astartes, the Emperor's gift to humanity. He. was clad in a long, black robe, covering his entire body. A knife, the size of a normal man's sword, was attached to his belt. Around his neck hung a crude, iron chain, with the Aquila attached to it. At the centre of the two headed eagle representing the glory of the Imperium of Mankind was a small, green gem, wich irradiated power. He had short, blonde hair, and a sunburned skin. The outlines of where his rebreather had been were clearly visible, after years of fighting the Forces of Chaos without ending. Captain Sevarus of the Third company of the Void Claws had finally returned.

Another Astartes joined him from another hallway, wearing the same religia as the other, his battle-brother, and another Captain, who had participated in the same campaign as him.
Sevarus greeted him, and together they walked further.
'Brother Raphael, I take you have informed the Sergeants of the 5th Company?'
'They have all been informed. They will follow us, and they have assured me the Brothers they lead will follow us too.'
'Good. So they are prepared for tomorrow?'
'Aye. Tomorrow we shall do what we must.'
'You know what he said. What we will have to do, to achieve what we want.'
'It will take sacrifice, but it shall happen.'
'They shall be pleased.'
'Indeed they shall. For glory.'

They both walked to another side, preparing for the next day, alongside with their brothers. The ships would remain ready for whatever they were needed to do, and the companies wouls be fully armed and armoured. It would be time, for what had been foretold.
It was time to enact the will of the Gods.

As always, comments are welcome. I'm quite proud of this so far, cause it's typed on my phone..

It seems a bit clipped at the start and does not flow smoothly, but I think that's down to the over use of the comma (don't worry, I'm as guilty as sin to ).

A good example of this would be the first few lines.

On the whole it's not bad, but needs a little more fluffing as the characters seem to talk in a way that implies the reader already has some insight into what is to happen next.

Thanks, will keep it in mind. This afternoon back on pc again, so should go a bit better.

Don't worry it's not gak or anything, it just needs a little adding here and there to round it off so keep it up.

Ya, thanks for the comments. Really helps!

I find encouragement to be helpful to spur a writer on to greater heights of glory. Plus, doesn't that just grind your gears when people read a thread and don't comment. I'd much rather have a thought out critque than nothing at all, it's how we grow.

Absolutely.
Comments also encourage me to write more.
Time to finish this economy class...

Eighteen hours later

The fully armoured Astartes approached Sevarus.
‘All are armed and armoured. Awaiting your orders sir.’
‘Good. Very good. What of the Serfs that helped you getting on your armor?’
‘Dead.’
Sevarus nodded. No one alive to tell someone they were arming themselves.
‘Return to your squad.’
‘Yes sir.’
Sevarus made a simple gesture. His honour guard put on their helmets, and followed him. Their steps echoed through the hallways of the building, until they stopped. In front of them stood the terminator armoured Captain Raphael and his honour guard. Raphael nodded towards them.
‘It is time.’
Together, they walked towards the main chapel of the Fortress Monestary. Inside was nearly nobody. Just the Chapter Master, a Reclusiarch, and several Astartes, some of them the Chapter Master’s guards. The Chapter Master turned around, looking at the armoured Captains in front of him. He was quite shocked they were in front of him, fully armed.
‘Brother Sevarus and Brother Raphael. I trust you have a good reason to interrupt me from my prayer, while wearing full battle equipment?’
‘We have.’
In an instant, Sevarus aimed his bolt pistol at the Chapter Master, and shot. Three empty bolt shells fell on the ground, before the lifeless body of the Chapter Master joined them, in a pool of blood. The marines jumped up, grabbing their knives, even though they knew they would stand no chance against their fully armoured brethren. The Reclusiarch turned around, interrupted from his prayer, and immediately got obliterated by Storm Bolter rounds. The remaining Astartes were taken down by the Honour Guards with ease. Sevarus grabbed his knife, and took the head from the dead Chapter Master. He put it on a rope, hanging from his belt. The first of many. He enjoyed it. The slaughter. The glory. He got interrupted by one of their companions, shouting.
‘Damnit, get him!’
Several Astartes ran out of the room, grabbing their weapons again.
‘What?’ Raphael shouted.
‘One of them managed to escape, we counted the bodies, one is missing!’
‘Then what are you waiting for, get him!’ Sevarus was enraged. Those fools let one of them slip by. Let one of them escape. If they didn’t get him soon, he would warn the others. Exactly what he couldn’t use..
‘We shall return to our companies, and move towards the Great Hall.’ Raphael said, and ordered to his men. He had always been the more cold blooded.
‘Agreed.’
They would walk out of the Chapel again, returning to their companies, and then going towards the Great Hall, to go to the ships. If it went to plan. It had to go as planned, surely.

I know I'm a bit late to the thread, but I think it's pretty good so far! I wonder how it would come out if were using a computer ?