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Tautros I
"Move up! Keep moving men!" A Imperial Guard sergeant yelled, as he ducked from the heavy bolter fire being throw at them.

"This is suicide!" A cowering Imperial Guardsmen yelled, running as fast as his legs could go. Any Guardsmen that stopped to fire or rest where cut down by the Chaos Space marines Heavy bolters, in front of the running guardsmen was a ruined building, with some Guardsmen firing their Lasguns at the Chaos cultist and Space marines firing back. A Guardsmen slid into cover, Bolter and Lasgun fire screaming over his head, he held his helmet with his left hand,a frag grenade in his right, He pulled the pin,and lobbed it over his cover, he ducked back down, hearing the screams of death from Cultist on the other side of his cover.He grabbed his Lasgun, got up, and fired four burst , then ducked back down. He was reloading when he heard a Guardsmen scream.

"Predator! Get to cover!" The Guardsmen looked to his right, seeing a Chaos predator, adorn with spikes and skulls, firing it's Autocannon at the building with Guardsmen, causing it to collapse.

"Retreat!" A Sergeant yelled. The Guardsmen just watched as the Chaos Predator aimed it's autocannon at a group of Guardsmen, firing.

Lord General Kallus
Kallus took a drink of his tea, looking at the orbital recon photos, and reading first-hand reports from Guardsmen on the front. He heard someone walk into his tent.

"Yes?" He said in his British accent.

"Sir, more reports from the front"The Lieutenant said. Handing Kallus a folder of papers.Kallus read it, then sighed.

"Just what I need" He said. He took a sip of his tea, and put his hand on his chin, thinking.

"Tell the 166th Cadian to try and flank the Chaos advance" He ordered.The Lieutenant nodded, and walked off. Kalls shook his head.

"By the Emperor, where are space marines when you need them?" He mused to himself.

Dude, us brits don't all drink tea and crumpets and have scones for tiffin. Just like you don't all drink coffee, eat apple pie, and eat a dougnuts spread on a bagaul for breakfast.
And is there only one British accent?

Apart from the sterotype it was ok. It needs to flow a bit more with more doing and less did, less commas too to speed it up and make it faster and more intense.(I have been guilty of these as well, probably still am to be fair)
Commas are good at building tension but in a firefight you need a faster pace, use them more for the reader to catch their breath instead.

With a few changes this could be good, without the malarky of the British accecent or the like.

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
Dude, us brits don't all drink tea and crumpets and have scones for tiffin. Just like you don't all drink coffee, eat apple pie, and eat a dougnuts spread on a bagaul for breakfast.
And is there only one British accent?

Apart from the sterotype it was ok. It needs to flow a bit more with more doing and less did, less commas too to speed it up and make it faster and more intense.(I have been guilty of these as well, probably still am to be fair)
Commas are good at building tension but in a firefight you need a faster pace, use them more for the reader to catch their breath instead.

With a few changes this could be good, without the malarky of the British accecent or the like.

Agreed upon all points, it really needs more work for it to become truly good. Follow the advices listed above and all should be golden

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
Dude, us brits don't all drink tea and crumpets and have scones for tiffin. Just like you don't all drink coffee, eat apple pie, and eat a dougnuts spread on a bagaul for breakfast.
And is there only one British accent?

Apart from the sterotype it was ok. It needs to flow a bit more with more doing and less did, less commas too to speed it up and make it faster and more intense.(I have been guilty of these as well, probably still am to be fair)
Commas are good at building tension but in a firefight you need a faster pace, use them more for the reader to catch their breath instead.

With a few changes this could be good, without the malarky of the British accecent or the like.

Actually, Tea was the first drink that came to mind, and coffee to me is something the front line soldier drinks.

I wasn't trying to write a stereotype.

Now, to start writing from the Chaos perceptive.

Thanks for listening to the whole comment.

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
Thanks for listening to the whole comment.

I did,and I'll try to improve.

Cpkeyes2 wrote:

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
Thanks for listening to the whole comment.

I did,and I'll try to improve.

No you did not. Igonring advice is not taking note of comments. And using them to improve

 Trondheim wrote:

Cpkeyes2 wrote:

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
Thanks for listening to the whole comment.

I did,and I'll try to improve.

No you did not. Igonring advice is not taking note of comments. And using them to improve

Sorry then, no really, I'm sorry.

I'll get used to this.