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Okay, so this is primarily aimed at those of you that are parents of middle or high school aged boys.

I've just started my first season coaching in our local school district, and as a coach I'm a bit afraid to emulate the examples from my past coaches whom I loved and respected, primarily because they were absolutely of the old school, get in your face, yell and scream and occasionally curse variety. On the flip side, they knew when to provide positive reinforcement, etc, and I can honestly say I was a better athlete and young man because of their coaching. With all of that in mind, as a parent, what are your expectations for a coach, the dos and don'ts if you will(aside from putting your hands on a kid; that's obviously out).

I have middle schoolers (7th and 8th grade) and high schoolers, so if there are different expectations there too, please voice those differences.

Thanks in advance!

Best coaches I've had knew had excellent technical knowledge, and had well considered expections of the players, that they communicated clearly. No big drama with lots of shouting or wild theatrics, just a simple, straight forward set of expectations - how fit you have to be, how hard you have to train, what teams rules must be followed on the park, and finally the standard of performance expected on the field.

When those things are communicated clearly, so we knew what we needed to do to get a game and to improve, it's a wonderful environment to be part of.

The bad coaches I've had didn't communicate that stuff, or didn't maintain a consistent line. I know players who were dropped without having a clear idea why, and less of an idea what they had to do to get back. And I knew players who were let off from ignoring team rules or from a string of poor games, because they were thought to have talent. In both cases the work ethic and culture in the team dropped away noticeably.

Some of those consistent treatment issues are going to be easier for us because it's wrestling and they simply have wrestle offs to determine who gets the varsity time that week.

I'm most concerned about being loud and yelling. It's not really my style to get in a kids face for no reason, but I think there are times when it's necessary. Additionally, it's important to know how that kid is motivated too, but we live in a society today where some parents don't want their kid to be told they're doing something wrong ever, that it has me concerned.

Good point about making sure about communicating clear expectations. It's something we always had to do when teaching but It hadn't occurred to me that it would be important as a coach, too. So good call there! Thanks!

 cincydooley wrote:
Some of those consistent treatment issues are going to be easier for us because it's wrestling and they simply have wrestle offs to determine who gets the varsity time that week.

That's a nice system. Perform and you play. I like it.

I'm most concerned about being loud and yelling. It's not really my style to get in a kids face for no reason, but I think there are times when it's necessary. Additionally, it's important to know how that kid is motivated too, but we live in a society today where some parents don't want their kid to be told they're doing something wrong ever, that it has me concerned.

I've always felt that motivation is internal. If a kid wants to play, then the coach just needs to lay out the work he needs to do to be able to play. If he isn't willing to do the work, then the internal motivation wasn't there, and I don't believe any amount of shouting a coach can do will change that.

Fair point on parents getting involved. Highschool sport isn't really a thing here (outside of some private schools), most sport is played through sporting clubs. That removes a lot of the influence parents might have - parents don't like how their kid is treated they can go to another club.

 cincydooley wrote:

I'm most concerned about being loud and yelling. It's not really my style to get in a kids face for no reason, but I think there are times when it's necessary.

Like any management and teaching it used to be thought that the best yelled and bullied and threatened. We now know that dose not work for 99% of people. Getting people to want to do something for you rather than in fear of you is far better. Even the army (at least int he UK) has given up on most of the shouting and punishment. That is not the same as being soft on people, but using appropriate motivation.

Teach them well and be assertive and they will respect you and want to do the best for you. Let them know what you expect, be clear about the rewards for success and be supportive in failure. Being supportive in failure is not the same as being soft on it, which is what some people think, but giving people help to improve and advice on why they have failed. Yelling and screaming can just make things worse by making people feel worthless so they give up. The best athletes will be far worse on themselves than any coach and those who are not will just be put off even more.

 sebster wrote:

 cincydooley wrote:
Some of those consistent treatment issues are going to be easier for us because it's wrestling and they simply have wrestle offs to determine who gets the varsity time that week.

That's a nice system. Perform and you play. I like it.

I prefer pay and you play. Coach deserves nice things. Coach will get nice things.

 cincydooley wrote:
Okay, so this is primarily aimed at those of you that are parents of middle or high school aged boys.

I've just started my first season coaching in our local school district, and as a coach I'm a bit afraid to emulate the examples from my past coaches whom I loved and respected, primarily because they were absolutely of the old school, get in your face, yell and scream and occasionally curse variety. On the flip side, they knew when to provide positive reinforcement, etc, and I can honestly say I was a better athlete and young man because of their coaching. With all of that in mind, as a parent, what are your expectations for a coach, the dos and don'ts if you will(aside from putting your hands on a kid; that's obviously out).

I have middle schoolers (7th and 8th grade) and high schoolers, so if there are different expectations there too, please voice those differences.

Thanks in advance!

It depends.
Do I want them to be competitive at State? Then I want freaking Bear Bryant.
Do I want them to do well, learn life lessons, enjoy themselves, and be an integral component of the "stonrg mind/strong body concept" I want completely different.

My kids have had both. "The band cult" as the Wife called it were hard charging almost borderline psychos. All they did was band and cheated all they could for practice etc. But they won state several times. My boy has a wall and a half of medals full of WIN. Intially he thought of being a composer, did compositions and won some awards for that. But the pressure kept up and finally he and his comrades had their crawful and tried to quit. The band effectively stopped them until the parents formed a group, made legal and electoral threats all the way up to the school board to get them out. It was amazing and really just like a cult. He doesn't do ANYTHING related to music now.

The tennis coach is great if you want to play tennis, have fun, and build a strong body. He is supportive, gives good training, but makes sure everyone plays without being psychotic. They will not go to state by any stretch. GC does very well (2nd in the region in the last region tournament) and enjoys the heck out of it, but she's not going to get a wall of models, scholarships etc. I like her coach so much better.

A 25 year veteran Cheif in the Navy taught me the following is needed to be a good coach/leader.

1. Explain what needs to be done and why it needs to be done that way.
2. Evaluate how close the person is to acheiving the goal
3. Teach the necessary skills they need
4. Get out of the way
5. Observe and offer positive focused feedback

It seems to work pretty good everywhere I have needed to coach on the field, in the office, and in the community.