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**SkavenLord**

*As you continue to explore the dungeon, you eventually reach a dark room. There is an old man there, hunched over a fire. He beckons you to join him*

Welcome fellow Dakkanaught! You know, fires like these are where stories are told. Moments of glory, moments of hilarity, even moments of utter failure. So tell me my friend, what's yours?

Now you know why I don't play as dungeon master. Anyway, what stories from RPGs would you like to share? Epic fails? Moments of awesomeness? Anything?

**djones520**

When I was younger, 12 I think, I got invited to my dads group. We were playing the initial Ravenloft module and I made a Thief for it. I was the only guy in the party who had a weapon that could actually hurt Strahd (a +3 sword), and for some reason my d20 was on fire that adventure. Was rolling crits like a boss. Got a crit on a backstab (which back then was a multiplier for damage, as opposed to an extra d6 or two). Then I managed to role a crit while throwing a +2 shortsword at him. The DM allowed it to get through the immunity, given the awesomeness of it. Finally I sent him retreating in an encounter when he was flying around causing havok, and I crit him with a vial of holy water that I threw at him.

The downside of being so awesome was I eventually ended up becoming a bit of a target later on...

**Stuebi**

My very first Pen & Paper Session also takes the cake for being the worst.

I was looking for a group on Roll20, just to check out PnP and see if i'd be into it. I specifically mentioned I was completely new, that i've only heard about the settings (DnD, The Dark Eye, etc.). I was contacted pretty soon by two groups. One was a group that wanted to play Pathfinder, when I got back to them a lot of other people had applied and they wanted to do a test-session to see which Newbie they would take. Wasnt really eager to "compete" in my first go, so I opted for the other Group, a Homebrew-Setting where the Guy specifically said that it was Newbie-Friendly.

Biggest mstake of my Roleplaying-Career.

The Setting played in the usual Fantasy World, with Trolls, Dwarves, Elves, etc. Basically you were to play a General who led an army into battle. So instead of the usual Group Encounter, you'd have Medieval-Esque Armybattles. Leveling up would make you a better commander and a better fighter (For the eventual General on General duels etc.). Naturally, as a Newbie I was uber-excited for my first session. The DM made me create a Character, an elaborate Backstory and then "helped" me design my army (Which came down to him basically doing all the choices for me and even changing my Character multiple times).

All in all, when the first session came up I had allready invested multiple hours with preparations and was eager to finally play. On our first session, the DM told us about the scenario. We were to take a City from Trolls.Basically Trolls are big, strong and wear primitive but strong armor. Which meant that the generic Troll outclassed pretty much all our individual soldiers. Not only that, but we were also outnumbered around 3:1. The DM insisted that this was set this way to ensure we would play "Tactical" and not just tackle anything frontally.

First the other two guys fought a Battle in the southern parts of the Map, they had teamed up against a Troll-Force. The battle took around 3-4 hours, in which I could just sit there and do absolutely nothing. The "tactics" consisted of them binding the enemy in Melee and flanking them with archers. Afer some decent rolls and a LOT of waiting, they had won with major losses.

When my turn finally came around, I holed myself up in one of the cities and prepared a defense. I tried to be elaborate on what traps and Maneuvers I was setting up, to keep up with the whole "tactics" thing. The DM even drew a little Map of the CIty and made me mark my Deployment. When the action finally started, it was getting close to evening and I had been sitting there for a good 5 hours now.

Finally the battle started. I rolled for initative and got a 1. "Oh well, they gonna act first. Whats the worst that could happen?"

The DM announces that my Character trips and falls, and is insantly killed by the oncoming Horde of Trolls. The screen is wiped and the session is declared over. After the generic "Dont worry, death is part of this and you can just roll a new character for the next session!" the Skypecall is disbanded.

I wrote something along the lines of "Not really my thing, kthxbye" into the Skype-Conversation the next day and never talked to any of these guys again. It killed all the interest I had in PnP and it took me weeks to find a new, actually decent group where I had some actual fun.

**Storm Lord**

Back when I used to play Heroquest in my school days the teacher who ran/supervised the group would from time to time hold 'Grand Quests' where all the players would get involved. At the time of this quest I think there were about 13 of us all eager to play; although this did make the time between individual player turns ridiculous. Anyway, the first area we found ourselves in consisted of a large board with 4 distinct things we could do:
1) Stop a sacrifice of a naked princess by a sorcerer and his attendant servants and wolves
2) Try and reach a treasure chest in the middle of a lake (water turned out to be poisoned, chest empty and protected by a 'random ugly monster')
3) Locate a hidden chest full of loot
4) Head into a cave system to progress the quest

At this point we split up, with most people heading towards the obvious treasure chest to try and claim it's contents. However, me and two other players decided to save the princess and set about slaughtering everything in reach. Needless to say we eventually killed the sorcerer and got the princess of the alter. She then proceeded to tell the dwarf who had been the first to reach her where the hidden treasure was located, so he set about claiming it for himself and refused to tell me and the other player where it was. Of course we figured out the direction he was heading and managed to beat him to it thanks to some poor movement rolls on his behalf.

What amused the teacher, and us now we look back at it, was the fact a bunch of teenagers were more interested in treasure than a naked princess! More humorous for us was how after setting her free we spent no time keeping her safe as she left the board which resulted in her being eaten by some wolves we had failed to kill in our excitement over treasure... not perhaps the most successful thing we had ever done

**Coolyo294**

As a rather new PnP roleplayer I haven't yet acquired any truly legendary feats, but I something rather amusing in a Deathwatch session the other day.

It happened during a mission on a feral world called Aurum. My killteam and I were walking through the capitol city after successfully cleansing a town of genestealers. We were on our way to a victory feast being held in our honour when a random ass warrior barges in, accused us of being impostors, and then challenged one of us to a duel.

I obliged and the warrior set up his little dueling ring. He won the initiative and managed to stab me with his gyrblade, but my toughness bonus negated the damage. So I reached down, grab his head in one hand, legs in the other, and start pulling. One successful strength check later and I toss his now separated torso into the dirt.

The fight was over in just a few seconds. Needless to say, no one doubted our legitimacy after that little incident.

**dementedwombat**

Mine are pretty much all stuff my players have done since I'm usually the one who runs these games. There's way too many to list, but I'll give you a sample of the most ridiculous ones:

1. we're playing d20 modern in a zombie apocalypse scenario. The heroes just woke up in an office building and are trying to get out. One room had a zombie strapped down to a hospital bed. This was the first zombie the players encountered, so for all they knew it was just a crazy man. They were trying to figure out what on earth was going on and what to do with this guy. This went on far too long and the session was getting bogged down until one player passes me a note. It says "is there a window in the room?". I nod at him, kind of smiling because I think I know where this is going. He passes another note "I quickly kick the bed out the window"...

I just start laughing!

2. The time my players needed to get to the bottom of a cliff, so they have the roque climb down and hold open a bag of holding at the bottom. The other players then proceed to take turns trying to jump off the cliff into the bag of holding where the rogue will then fish them out...my response was pretty much "ok, this will work once because it is so utterly stupid it has to...but don't EVER pull anything like this again!"

3. This was a dungeon crawl in 4e. I was doing something really weird, randomly generating the dungeon as the players explored and drawing encounters out of a random encounter deck. They got to a locked and fortified door which obviously had no means of opening it since I didn't know it would exist 5 minutes ago. One of the players knocks on it and says "open up, girl scout cookies!" I had him roll a bluff check at a -20 penalty. He rolled something like an 18 and he was a party face so he had a stacked bluff modifier. The monsters rolled a 2... they opened the door.

Ok, that's the top three I can remember right off.

**BrookM**

My favourite Rogue Trader session ever was also my last one with that group, I'll just dig up the old post I made half a year ago:

BrookM wrote:
Today we've had a great Rogue Trader session.

In short, we were on a forge world that still used a fuckton of Legio Cybernetica formations and we also came across an Ork Waaagh! about to hit critical mass a system back. We decided to lure the Orks to this world and have them fight to the death, something the forge world was okay with, as it was for the greater good of the Imperium. We just needed to lure the ork fleet to the world first.

We decided to slip into the ork fleet through a combination of dropping into the system at the edge, then using silent running slipping past picket lines of frigates and roks until we were within a few VU's of the enemy flagship, a former mass conveyor suitably tuned up by its new green owners. We then proceeded to hail the enemy captain, mock and taunt him with a load of insults along with the coordinates of said planet, while the expeditionary officer (Arch-militant) gave his ship a few salvos of macro fire. We then gave it full thrust and ran the gauntlet out of the ork fleet.

It should be noted, our medical frigate has a special rule that marks it out as a target of interest to the Orks, who had a go at the ship before and due to this fight left the ship with an interesting scarring across the hull. Due to these scars the orks see this vessel as something of a worthy opponent and as such, will forego all shooting in favour of trying to board her.

So as we made our escape we had to deal with an entire ork fleet trying to board us. Our tactical officer (Dark Heresy Adept) kept overloading the engines, suitably boosting the engines that we made such a good time on our escape that we got out in no time at all. At the same time our expeditionary officer kept taking potshots at any ship coming within range, damaging a fair few frigate class vessels and other pickets on the way out.

Blocking our way at the jump point were two ork class cruisers. We decided to take them both on with the combined might of our macro cannons along with torpedoes, which I gave permission for (The captain was always a bit fiddly about using them, but not me). Both were shot up two-thirds of the way as we passed them, then before we jumped into the warp we turned, gave them both a one-over and well.. One slowly came apart, the other got hit so hard by our torpedoes and went down super-hard, so hard that his warp drive went into overload just as we were about to jump the system. We were sucked into the warp anomaly and got stuck in a warp storm.

gak hit the fan as just about every alarm possible went off, the geller fields were close to collapsing, the ship went in all directions all the time, warp ghosts were everywhere around the ship, our navigator couldn't get us out, we had a savage ork in the bilges that took three days to hunt down, unsecured munitions on one of the gunnery decks crushing gunnery crews, our psychic choir went haywire, resulting in one of them receiving the Emperor's mercy and I ended up face to face with an Ebon Geist (a warp predator) that I tried shooting first with my bolt pistols, I hit it, it retaliated by charging me, slashing me, hitting me harrrrrrrrrd (12 points of damage, I only had 11 wounds, 1 fatigue point and really close to death), he restored the lost wounds and well, stood there in front of me. The expeditionary officer tried to hurt it, two armsmen charged in with boarding axes but missed and it was my turn again. I pulled my power sword and hit it with a crushing blow, righteous fury'd him and hit him hard enough that he went down, bursting into flames (Energy weapon crit).

Just as we managed to get things under control the ship slammed back into real space, three years from our current destination, badly damaged, but still void capable.

It's been ages since I've come away from a session so stoked by the gak we did.

**ds9lord**

I just remembered some great stories. so one time me and my friends where playing a song of ice and fire role play and we where playing this campaign that was in kings landing. So at one point on there was a tournament and my friend entered in the melee. so in the first round he and 10 other contestants (making it 11 in total) all faced of in a arena like area. by the way this was supposed to be a blunt weapons melee. So NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE this is important. So the round starts and we release that three of the other npc constants have brought sharp weapons deadly weapons . alone of this two of the other contestants where poisoned before hand (that was part of the campaign story) so they where going to . so not to far into the round the two poisoned contestants drop and die and the 2 of the cheaters (the other was knocked out at the begging of the round)
have killed a couple of guys. so at this point my friend has been fighting and of of the knights he was fighting yields two him and surrenders. so my friend whats to punch the coward in the face to knock him out so he roles for punching and roles a double of these we agree that he punched the knight so hard that PUNCHED HIS HEAD OFF HIS BODY. My friends then grabs the knights head holds it by the hair with on hand and holds it above his head will shouting at the horrified spectators STEVE HALT!!!!. So in the end he one the first round of the tournament but he is disqualified because he killed a guy. and he has to pay money to the family of the knight he killed. In the end the body count for that round of the tournament was 3 guys knocked out 1 who had his hand chopped of and 6 DEAD. IN A TOURNAMENT WHERE NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE.

**timetowaste85**

I have played 3 total games of D&D in my life. First game, my friend tried to slow down a panicked informant by shooting him in a non-fatal way with an arrow. Natural 20. DM decides its a crotch shot-guy ain't dead, but he wished he was after his unexpected Prince Albert. I wonder how badly it stung when I terrified him so much that he pissed himself.

Another time I was playing, I got sick of the idiocy the DM was allowing, decided to leave and lifted my barbarian's loincloth and pissed on the dragon. I was promptly burned to a crisp.