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Made in gb
Tail-spinning Tomb Blade Pilot





In a chair, staring at a screen

On the tau outpost...

"Put us on a level three lockdown now! I want a transmission sent to every other outpost within 50 kilometres!" Commander Novastorm yelled over the panicked conversation.
"But sir, our transmissions are down and for some reason our master override code has been activated. There's no way to activate anything beyond basic support systems like lights." The chief technician replied nervously. No origin had been confirmed of the fleet above but it didn't take a genius to know they relied on technology to do their dirty work.

In Cano'var airspace...

The night scythes were about to land when a warning on the pilots control panel said

WARNING: ENGINES DEACTIVATED.

The pilot of the night scythe felt a shudder as his jet went into a terminal dive. He was the only pilot to drop out of the sky though; the others successfully landed and deployed their troops before any other firepower hit them.

On the necron mothership...

"Sir, our cell finity virus has activated their master override code. If you wish we can activate the self destruct at twenty four minutes minimum and force them out of their base," the motherships lead communications personnel reported.
"Then do so." Replied Vitokh.

Hope you liked part 2! Bye,


This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/04/13 17:37:08


1500 pts
2000pts 
   
Made in nl
Wight Lord with the Sword of Kings






North of your position

I'll start with some basic advice.

- Put your entire story in one thread. Post new entries.
- Bigger entries. This is a really small piece of text.

The way of speech of your characters seems too human - Necrons are devoid of emotions, and will definitely not use the word "sir". Tau also talk differently, though I don't know a lot about them, they too won't use the word "sir", but rather their commander's title.

Also:

- Listen to people's advice! Don't get offended by it - everyone's trying to help you get a better writer

   
Made in gb
Tail-spinning Tomb Blade Pilot





In a chair, staring at a screen

Ok thx! This is second series so I have a lot of improving to do.

1500 pts
2000pts 
   
Made in au
Death-Dealing Devastator





Erebor

Again, not too bad. Listen to thenoobbomb he has a good point.

The Emperor's Redemption: http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/586715.page

Emperor's Redemption: 590 points and very slowly counting 
   
 
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