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Hello fellow 40K fans I am currently writing a book and i am releasing pages as i type them on word press https://brittanyandloki.wordpress.com/
I don't expect you to click om my link just to read them i would like you too, but let me give you some incentive.
Below is about 2 pages from what I have written
now i don't mind any one criticizing anything to death, actually I would love any of you lore junkies and Grammar snobs to catch me on my gak. I will fix anything pointed out and I will take into consideration any advice given.

Looking down at the broken and charred man at my feet, I can feel my lips curl into a smile. Knowing Parks and Reed were watching the sick satisfaction I feel as I break this man’s body I begin to voice some words of reassurance for Parks. “Stop feeling bad for this traitor Parks, he deserves no sympathy from us. If he or his cohorts managed to gain the upper hand you know they would inflict the worse form of torture their corrupt minds could conjure up.” The man at my feet began to sob and closed his eyes. An uncontrollable feeling of disgust rushing through my body at the sight of the retched man at my feet turned my smile into a scowl. Turning away from him an impulsive order leaves my lips. “Reed dispose of him now, he is useless, but make it clean this time I don’t want to find bits of this cur in my hair.” I can feel the glee Reed feels at his new orders as he nods with a sadistic smile plastered across his face. I take in every small movement Reed makes as he thrusts his palm out over the man. Reed no longer leaning on his staff for support he stands steady and tall no indication that doing so causes him intense pain. As he slowly closes his hand loud audible cracks emanate from the body of the man on the ground. The surface of his skin ripples with small movements as if worms were crawling right beneath the surface. Hearing my name I look up from the now clearly dead man. Parks is talking to me. ”Do you hate them?” The question puzzles me but I answer regardless. “Of course I do, they are traitors to the God Emperor.” Looks down at the corps and began to talk again. “The Emperor did not hate Horus despite everything he did.” My blood started to boil at this “The Emperor had love for Horus before he was corrupted by Chaos, do you know what I have for Chaos! I have hate nothing but hate, I have never sympathized I have no love for them that can shine through the hate.” Parks sighed and looked away from me. Reed was glares at Parks as he now heavily leans on his staff. Parks actively avoiding Reeds glare looks back at me. “You have never suffered any grievances at the hands of the heretics so how can you hate them?” I look at Reed who is fuming at this point and say. “It’s not what they have done to me it’s what they have don’t to mankind as a whole. “Parks turns and looks at Reed who was burning a hole in the side of parks head with his stare. “Despite any personal vendettas against Chaos, it is not our job to hate them it is our job to pity them.” Reed looking ready to explode spoke through gritted teeth. “Pity, I am supposed to pity them! I was raised by Sorcerers that only saw me as a pawn to be sacrificed. When I started to show promise as a Kinetic and a psychic they readied my sacrifice to the dark Gods. If Liliand had not been raiding the area for the three sorcerers, I would not only be nothing but a husk for the dark gods, but also one of the most terrifying demons to ever walk this plain. During my salvation the demon that was trying to claw its way into our realm and clung onto my soul though I was able to force it out it left clawing and biting with rage. I still feel the unholy pain linger in my right leg; it is a constant reminder of the life that was taken away from me. I am not a person I am an instrument, I was raised as a tool for summoning a greater weapon, but I am a weapon I only live for vengeance.” Parks unblinkingly responds with “I pity you as well.” Reed looks ready to lung at Parks but Reed glances at me as if to remind himself not to attack Parks before turning away from the both of us to collect himself. I give myself a second to process everything Parks and Reed just said. Parks has an incredibly pure and unbiased view of the world and that is one of the reasons why I have included him in my talent. Reed is a much simpler addition in terms of motivation. However what complicates him he is one of strongest Psykers ever recorded. In the event Reed mentioned he was able to force what Intel concluded would have been a demon demi god from his mind and back into the Warp. Reed did all of this as a child with little to no training, since then he has been trained by the best for the last couple decade or so it has been confirmed that he could easily be an Alpha plus grade Psyker. He is in fact so powerful that a great portion of his early training was simply to detect if he was a Demon. It is only in recent years that he made the effort to seek me out and join my team. I have known that his intentions were petty and his motivations misguided, but that is why Parks is his constant partner. I hope that Parks rubs off on him, just not too much; Parks agitates me as well with his constant need for justification or reasoning behind every action is irksome; more than that Parks is a powerful Anti-grade Psyker known as a Pariah. Parks could very easily kill Reed and I, it is insurance in case either of us ever snap. I pull myself out of my head finding myself blankly looking at the corps and address Parks. “Call Bel’ann, we are done here and Parks I want you to look into the next report we have received, Reed will be accompanying you I still want to look into something here.” Reed was now absent mindedly looking at the flowers in the garden. I almost laughed at how much it looks like he was sulking at the thought of spending time with Parks alone. Parks was blushing now and asked “can you not call her?” This time I did let out a snicker as I said” But she won’t want to hear from me as much as she will want to hear from you.” Parks turned away from Reed and I as he pulled out a communications device and made the call. Reed stopped staring at the flowers to look up as the canopy of green was pushed aside by a descending craft. As it approached the field Reed had set up to stop the rain retreated and the rain once more began to fall upon us. Reed and Parks walked underneath the long slender craft as a bay door near the hind opened up the ship is slightly larger than the whole courtyard that we are standing in so it stayed in the air almost four or five stories up. Reed did not even bacon he just looked at the open doors and Reed and Parks began to ascend to the open doors Parks looking uneasy at first, but then shrugging it off. As the doors close and I lose sight of them I begin to walk toward the thrust open iron doors before I can make it to the doors rain begins to strike me once more the ship no longer hovering over the courtyard to block the decent of rain. Walking through the grand entrance of this gothic structure the sweet scent of rain and the lingering scent of burnt flesh almost immediately are replaced with a stale scent of stagnation. The interior of the building is bathed in a dim orange light. I look up at the source a large stain glass mural depicting Saint Celestine bathes the center of the empty room with its majesty. While I look up at it I grip a gold bead Rosary that hangs from a clasp on my belt and fingered the beads one by one. I silently make a prayer before continuing. The dim light projected dark shadows in the corners of the room and pitch black shadow leave long lines by columns that come down from second floor pews. I know no one is here so I just continue to walk to the pulpit at the end of the room under the mural. My heeled boots make a loud clacking echo as I make my way down through the pews. A door is located on the wall under the mural. It looks old and out of place in the gothic structure the. I grasp the cold iron handle of this greying wooden door and gently pull. It is locked, so this time I pull hard and a loud splintering crack echoes multiple times over before dying out. I let go of the iron handle and it hits the ground with a clang and a crunch. The handle and a large chunk of the door around the handle lie at my feet. I gently push the door open now it creeks the entire time it drifts open. A stair case descends into darkness on the other side of the door. Staring into the pitch black I grasp the hilt of my sword, though I cannot see though the dark veil I can see a familiar aura deep in the catacombs. I think to myself have I found you, so eagerly that I actually whisper it out loud. I begin to descend into a blind world.

A helluva a lot of grammatical errors that would be easily remedied are present. Run the pages through spell-check so that you can fix some of the stuff, also,read through it yourself a couple of times and, each time, look for changes to make and make them. Also, fix the punctuation. Final thing that you need to do is put it into 3rd person. I have yet to read a 40k novel that was written in 1st person, and 3rd person makes for much better reading in a setting like this one.

Ohter than that, it looks like a good start, though it seems slightly rushed.

Thanks I am working on the Grammar. I catch more mistakes every time I go through it. Idk about the 3rd person... I would like to do a 1st person perspective If too many people believe i need to switch it I will though. it does seem rushed to me as well in places. Ill try to fix that, didn't notice that at first.

You might also insert a few line breaks, just to make it more readable in the format.

It has line breaks on the original it removed them when I copy pasted. Thanks though.

Keep up the good work. Some evocative writing here. And welcome to the boards.

Hello! Welcome to Dakka Dakka!