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So my buddies and I are starting a map campaign, with the three factions being space marines, orks, tyranids, and tau. I thought I'd post my parts of the fluff to see what you guys think.

Basic main character intro.


On the death world of Osiris VI a young boy, no older than his thirteenth winter finds a gilded door while he was out hunting. Having being split from his group with night quickly approaching he attempted to open the doors, over and over he pulled and pried at them but they would not budge. Night fell upon him and he readied himself. Fighting sleep and hunger he waited for the dawn. The night grew long and his eyes grew heavy he knew this was a bad idea but he had no choice but to hold out. A sudden snap of a twig drew his attention. A mighty beast had come to fill its stomach with the boy. He readied himself knowing the beast was much more powerful than he. Silently waited for an opening unwilling to be the first to move. What seemed like an eternity passed before the beast lunged foreword, the boy knew what to do he planted his foot and struck with his spear. The door behind him opened and a large knight emerged speaking in a tongue the boy didn't quite understand. Surrounded by a dying but still dangerous beast and the new foe, the boy lashed out punching the knight in the gut. Now what came out of the knight next he understood quite well, the knight was laughing at him. The knight walked over to the dying beast and snapped its neck before dragging it inside motioning the boy to follow.

The boy would later learn the Knights name, Letholdus he was called. Mentored in the ways of the emperor the boy flourished eventually being gifted with the gee seed of the Sons of Pallas. Later learning that they are a second founding chapter of the black Templars. The boy would become Althalos. With this new name he slew much more than beasts. The mightiest opponent he faced was a chaotic warband leader, his name did not matter to him for it was a cruse upon the emperor. This particular leader was a powerful psyker and during their fight in an attempt to disorient Althalos he dove into his mind and took him back to the night with the beast. Thinking this would fill him with the hunger and the fear of that night, but that leader was reminded forcefully that he no longer knew fear. After this event the chaplains of the chapter came to him and asked if he would join them and remind his brothers that they are fear incarnate.

He ran down the corridor he had to make it to him, how could his teleportation been that far off. Fighting off the chaos marines that dared stand in his way. Many he slew on his way to the main chamber of the ship. Finally he found his way there, three figures laid on the floor. The one in black was destroyed a mess upon the floor, the winged angel laid spread on the stairs, but the golden figure still lived barely hanging on to life. The first thought that came to mind was "I guess he can bleed". Springing to action he picked up the golden figure and requested teleportation back to the palace. Placing the golden figure on the throne that would become his headstone. The golden figure lead forward and said- with a shock Althalos awoke, he had been told this vision by many of the champions of the emperor but did not think he would ever have it himself. He hurried off to his superiors to inform them of his vision. The emperor had a plan for him and he was sure as hell going to see the end of it. Because of his position of chaplain he was awarded the armor of true faith and special crozius to be forged for him by the best the chapter can spare.

Second part shows main two characters and their relationship.

I really hope this breaks up in a readable manner it's copy/pasted from my iPhone


Althalos stood on the bridge of the Rage Unrelenting next to his battle brother and long time friend Castellan Samandriel, looking out upon the stars. "The emperor has decided that he would have a hand in our work on this day. I have had the vision to spread the emperors light to a far flung patch of space."said Althalos, turning his attention to a map in front of him he points to a patch of map marked as a warp storm.
"The warp would have corrupted anything in that sector" said Samandriel.
"Fear not the emperor protects those that have faith" said Althalos.
A neophyte of the chapter rushes into the bridge "Sirs we have an inquisitor in a mists" he declared as he bows to his superiors.
"You are brother Nathaniel's new study aren't you?" Said Samandriel. The neophyte nodded his head in agreement. "Well keep a level head and you will do fine, might even keep your head unlike the last one" Samandriel laughed and patted the neophytes shoulder as he started walking out to the command room "let us greet our new guest and see what the so called enforcers of imperial creed have in store for us"

Upon entering the command room they were greeted by the sight of an inquisitor in ornate power armor and their scribe. "Good day to you my lord, I hope I have caught you at a good time" the inquisitor says while bowing slightly, their scribe scribbling every word and action both parties.
"It's always a good time to meet with a representative of the inquisition" replied Samandriel returning the bow.
"I have news that may interest you, we have be told of a resent calming of a warp storm known as the storm of judgment uncovering a sector long forgotten by man". He plucks a data slate from the pack of his scribe. "This sector here has been cleared of storms and has been deemed safe for travel" he points to the location of the map almost the same spot as Althalos pointed out earlier. "And of what interest would this be of mine?" Said Samandriel.
"Well, my lord our records show that these planets may have been graced be your founding legion and also by the emperor of mankind himself" the inquisitor seemingly pleased with them self made a sign of the Aquila as he said the last part.
Unamused with his actions Samandriel says "And would we have the honor of have such an esteemed inquisitor join our fleet for this errand you wish us to embark upon?" The sarcasm dripping from his words like venom. Seemingly not phased by the obvious intent in the words of the castellan, the inquisitor continues "I wouldn't want to impose upon you or your fleet but I think it would be in the best interest of us all if I were to join you in this quest, as there are many things we do not yet know about this sector. This sector is ripe for those seeking fresh conquest and I would die before seeing part of humanity not feel the light of the emperor" this time forgoing the sign of the Aquila. The scribe was practically burning up trying to keep up.
Samandriel chuckled "to save your scribes arm we will participate in your little errand"
The scribed mouthed a thanks to him. "We will hammer out the details on the way there" said Samandriel as he turned away from the inquisitor.
Althalos having been silent the whole time speaks up "A member of the inquisition caught unaware is not a common sight. Maybe it's for the best you took the consul of the emperors Angels"
The door closes behind them " a crusade to save the arm of a scribe, sounds like a truly worthy endeavor doesn't it?" Said Samandriel.
" the inquisitor is sure to know we have motives of our own in the sector, you know he wouldn't believe an astartes would care about a scribe, they are think we are above that. We will need the high marshals approval, you know that." Althalos said with a stern glare fixed upon Samandriel.
Ignoring his stare Samandriel pressed on "with your vision I see no reason why he wouldn't let us embark on this errand"
Althalos placed his hand on his shoulder " You know we both have scars from the last time we dealt with a vision from the emperor. Keep in mind what happened to Zan-"
"Enough!" Samandriel swatted Althalos' hand away "I do not need to be reminded of the blood of the past"
"You know I don't bring it up to torture you but, to remind you that you must keep a level head and to think a step ahead" said Althalos.
Thumbing a scrap of black metal attached to a small chain around his neck "It is your duty as chaplain

I'm a little delayed in posting this part. This is the last opening piece. The game starts in a little over a month, then we do first meetings and show the story of who is allies and who isn't and why.

The pommel of a sword smashed hard into the inquisitors gut, the chest plate he worse absorbed most of the impact. Cursing the opening he had left for the strike he struck back at the knightly figure in front of him. The knight moving far more graceful than one would think when wearing full plate dodged the blow and struck back knocking him to a knee. From his position the inquisitor struck out striking hard into the groin of the knight. A metallic clang and a crunch of bones "who wears a metal cup!" He exclaimed with a great pain in his voice.
"Someone with too much experience" replied the knight coldly as he kneed the inquisitor in the face. Knocked onto his back he knew he had been beat as the Knights sword pointed at this throat. Trying to convey as much confidence as he could the inquisitor says "you think you've won don't you? But you forget I have had the upper hand this whole time"
Calling his bluff the knight asks "oh and what would that be?"
"I'm not over encumbered by plate" he kicked at the Knights knee and rolled out of the way. Standing with a flash he brandishes his pistol and places it to the Knights head
"see, you will be the one to yie-" his words were cut short by the pain in his groin.
"That's why you wear a cup" the knight brought his knee up into the inquisitors face knocking him back and sending a trail of blood from his face.
"Once again it looks like I've got you in a comprising position" the knight stated as he sauntered towards the reeling inquisitor. The inquisitor gave a grin as he held up a grenade pin and started running. Not much room to run in this fighting pit he thought as he got as far as he could.
A shower of sparks engulfed the knight as the training grenade went off to signal the "explosion". When the Sparks died down the knight stated " nicely done lord inquisitor Vashal" the knight gave a court bow. Vashal waived him off "don't call me lord, my ego is fine enough without it Tristan.
"You fought well as always" Vashel gave a short bow of his own "every time we practice in the cage you use a sword, why don't you use your mace?" Tristan removed his helm to reveal his pale shaven head, with two onyx orbs for eyes, a fearsome grin covered his face "if I had used Betty you'd be dead, and my oath to you prevents me from killing you"
"I remember when you swore that oath, it was right after I pulled you free from that demons jaw. It was cute seeing you all bloodied and broken" Vashal said with a wink "you slew what a dozen of those things?"
Tristan gave him a cold stare "Two dozen, You know this. Enough living in the past, looks like you have mail"
Vashal turned to see a servitor rumbling over to him on mechanized track. With the crackle of static "Lord inquisitor Vashal of the Ordo Xenos, a communication titled 'the Stars have changed' has been addressed to you, from sender titled 1001010110. Do you wish to review it?" It holds up a monitor screen to vassals eye level.
"Since it's in my face already, sure I'll read it" the message opens on the screen, reading.

Excuse my lack of pleasantries inquisitor but I feel that this information is too important to delay. The warp storms have been dissipating in [campaign place], last time this area was clear the emperor walked among his sons. They built a fortress in that area, with a powerful secret. Where in this sector it was, is lost to time but what we do know is that Regal Dorn worked the masonry himself. Many will have their eye on this sector. Act quickly inquisitor, for your time is short.

With respect
1001010110

"Servitor what does the ones and zeros mean at the end of the message?"
With another crackle of static " Reading error" it replied.
"Well where ever it's from I know a group, that might be interested. Come Tristan we must equip the emperors sword" Vashal turned to leave. The servitor crackle once again "lord inquisitor Vashal, you have a communication titled "you rocked my worl -" Vashal flipped a switch muting it.
"We will have time for that later" Vashal headed out with a little pep in his step.