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Well, as a fun list this looks, well, fun. I don't know anything about Black Templars, but after a quick poke about on 1d4chan your Crusader squads look viable (I personally wouldn't run them that way but I don't know much about them so that's how much my opinion counts for anything).
Storm Talon is easy anti-air, so you've got most lists with a flyer covered.
A single Lightning Claw on the Assault Sergeant? I'd take a power weapon to get the extra attack on the charge but Shred will be better against some foes so I won't knock it.
Land Speeder will be ignored by most players, so it's a nice little support unit (but don't expect it to do too much)
Right, now your Crusader full of blenders is... interesting. I'll lay it straight that any competitively optimised deathstar will kick it's teeth in. But it'll certainly do well in casual play. I really like the Crusader as a transport for big assault units so points to you there. Now I personally don't use Vanguards that much but when they've got the trousers buffed off them I think it'll do well as an AP3 murder machine.
Long story short, I think this list will do well in a casual environment and will be good fun while it's doing so.
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