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How many Emporer's Children does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    "Oh, you said screw IN the lightbulb."

How many Iron Warriors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None; Obliterators can morph bulbs.

How many Night Lords does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None; Night Lords can see in the dark.

How many Worldeaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Eight; One to screw it in and the other seven to shout "BULBS FOR THE BULB GOD!!!"

How many Death Guard does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None; Death Guard just stick candles in Nurglings.

How many Thousand Sons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    One, but it take nine to cast the spell that destroys filiments in lightbulbs throughout the universe.

How many Black Legion does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Three; One to plot the destruction of the failing bulb, one to screw in the lightbulb, and one to declare the new lightbulb the one true lightbulb.

How many Word Bearers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, Word Bearers just summon tiny Flamers.

How many Alpha Legion does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    None, Alpha Legion just infiltrate cultists with lasguns into the bulb.

-Dave

Not sure why we needed a second thread but. . .



What kind of car does an Imperial Assassin drive?

A cool-Lexus.

What happens when he hits me with his car?

He Collide-us

-Dave

an ork walks into a bar with a pig under his arm.
"where did you get that?" asks the bartender
"i won it in a contest" replied the pig

really bad joke, i know

Ok that last one was the only really funny one

an inquisator is intaragating a tau the inquisator says:"i'll kill you if uou dont tell me what i want."

the tau says: "ill never betray my people"

the inquisator trys again: "ill turn you in to a demon host"

the tau says: "it would be better than being a trator"

the inquisator now fustrated says: "bamn you tau tell me what i want or so help me i'll do the worst thing you can think of."

the tau eyes widen and wimperes: "you dont mean ...that?"

"yes" the inquisator says moving twards his computer: "i'll send your people a computer vires"

the tau now in teares scremmes: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

some where on a tau planit the ethereal reseaves mail form the inquishtion...and openes it a few hours lator the comander crashes threw the wall(litraly) and says "sir every ones has the blue screen vires in ther visor we cant see"

the ethreal cryes: "cures you inquasition and falty vires shealds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"    

yeh... none of those were really that funny, but i smirked at the pig winning the orc

Posted By upliftingprimer on 09/07/2006 5:21 AM

an inquisator is intaragating a tau the inquisator says:"i'll kill you if uou dont tell me what i want."

the tau says: "ill never betray my people"

the inquisator trys again: "ill turn you in to a demon host"

the tau says: "it would be better than being a trator"

the inquisator now fustrated says: "bamn you tau tell me what i want or so help me i'll do the worst thing you can think of."

the tau eyes widen and wimperes: "you dont mean ...that?"

"yes" the inquisator says moving twards his computer: "i'll send your people a computer vires"

the tau now in teares scremmes: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

some where on a tau planit the ethereal reseaves mail form the inquishtion...and openes it a few hours lator the comander crashes threw the wall(litraly) and says "sir every ones has the blue screen vires in ther visor we cant see"

the ethreal cryes: "cures you inquasition and falty vires shealds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"    

Besides being plagued with typo errors and a lack of computer knowledge, that wasn't funny.

I can imagine a friend and myself spouting these in public and laughing maniacally, while everyone else has awkward looks on their faces.

There are a handful of really funny 40k jokes.  One was mentioned in the other post:

What do you call a lasgun with a laser sight?  Twin linked!


The second is funny because of the image:

What does a Sister of Battle say after sex?

"Are you boys all in the same platoon?"

My final joke would be funny regardless of the setting or actors, but Orks and a Space Marine make it hilarious:

An Ork warboss was advancing with his horde when he spots a Space Marine on the of a hill.  The Marine shouts down, "One Space Marine is worth 10 Orks in battle!"

The Warboss selects 10 of his boys, and sends them up the hill.  With skillful bolter fire, all 10 are swiftly cut down.

The Marine laughs, and shouts down, "i bet I'm worth at least 20 Orks!"

Angered, the Warboss sends 20 boys up the hill, and again, they have are quickly cut down by bolter fire.

The Marine finally shouts down, "One Space Marine is worth all the boys you have down there!"

The warboss sends over a hundred boys screaming up the hill, and for a few moments it is absolute pandemonium.  When the din clears, he sees one of his boys crawling back down the hill, bloody and beaten.  The boy looks at the Warboss and pleads,:

"It ain't fair, boss... there waz two of them up there!"

the first two were good but the third was dumb and didn't make that much sense at all (one marine is worth 1 and a third ork)

It's a variation on an old military joke; you obviously don't get it anyway.

Yeah, I'm guessing the crux of the joke goes back to antiquity, you can imagine replacing the actors with Spartans and Persians, or Hittites and Sumerians, or even Neanderthals and Cro-magnons. 

it's not exactly Oscar Wilde, but a decently funny guy can sell the joke in person.