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I playtested my new army out (with tons of proxies and borrowed minis) and played against one of my friend's 11-year-old daughter... who I believe was raised on a steady diet of YouTube, Wrestling, and X-Box.

I have never heard so much gak talking in my entire life. The worst part is that she kicked the gak out of me.

It wasn't even close, I discovered the true meaning of fear as I learned all about the Death Guard.


Now the question, how do you deal with someone else's kid, who is your opponent, I can trash talk and psy-ops another person my age, but how do you respond when it's just a kid?

If you know the parent, I'd ask them. They will certainly know the mouth on their kid and be able to say what they're okay with.

The best though, is humility. It may not seem like it at the time but true enjoyment of the game and grace in defeat will be a good example for a kid like that, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

First you need to get good.
Then you crush the child on the field of battle. Harvest their tears to annoint your dice.
Then intimate that you had relations with their mother.

If she's actually swearing and being crass, I'd talk to the parent.

If not, suck it up and play better....

Defeat them the only way an adult can -- by flexing your superior disposable income and buying a bigger army than they can field!! They can't beat you if the don't have enough models for the 5K point game!!

It really depends on the situation. If it's just being bratty, they can find someone else to play against next time.... I don't have the time or the mental space to parent someone else's kids.

If it's good natured, then they can receive what they dish out.

I would just avoid competing with 11 year old girls to be honest, sounds like a loss-loss situation to me.

If you're playing against children you have to reasonably expect them to act somewhat ... well ... childish!

If you don't want to have to be the adult in the room, then simply don't play against them XD (I'm not saying you acting improperly here to be specific).

Not sure why, but I’m thinking of Always Sunny….

Take it as an opportunity to show them how trash talking is really done. They lack your vocabulary and experience.

Sleep with their mom.

Get good. If children are taking your lunch money, you might want to up your game.

Serious answer: regardless of the age of my opponent, if trash talk starts getting out of hand I generally start with subtle clues, like a deadpan “ok” a look of “Is that what you are going with?” Or similar clues that they might be going a little to far. If it ever got really bad a polite “could you tone down the trash talk please” would be next. I can’t recall ever getting to that point. Younger players tend to be overly enthusiastic, and I try not to stifle that.

I get this sometimes playing chess. Not all kids, just some. I wouldn't be so bothered by their trash talk if they weren't also so good most of the time.

Having said that, I've also seen the opposite, with some kids getting a load of grief from adult opponents for the smallest of things - even saw am adult who lost a game to an unrated kid have a complete and utter meltdown and try to get the result overruled because the poor kid wrote a move down wrong on the score sheet.

Anyway, one chess player jokingly said the solution to annoying kids is to calmly write "you were adopted" on a child opponent's score sheet prior to the game.

More thoughts:

Be the player you want to play against. We set the tone of our community. This is especially true when playing younger opponents, or new players. Don’t gatekeep, but set examples. But do realize that we are a wide range of people, with different thoughts and expectations. One person’s table-top banter is another’s hurtful trash talking. Try to recognize what’s OK with your opponent. And note that everyone’s social awareness level is not the same, so sometimes when the subtle clues done land, polite reminders are in order. We’re all here to have a good time.

Also? When it’s a kid kid? Don’t mistake excitement for bad behaviour. Especially if they’re ROFLstomping you despite your best efforts!

"Whatever, kid. You came out of my mate's willy"

it can be difficult, but it is a good opportunity to provide a good christian example.

It really, really depends on the kid, what the trash talk is about and what they're getting about it. Overall though, it's all about disrupting their narrative. If you can crush them, do so, but be really nice about it. If you can't win, be complimentary when they do things well I don't care about losing. Engage in their excitement and try to steer it away from being adversarial into something you can share.

Ultimately its about not responding to their behavior the way they want. You can't always fix it and sometimes the answer is just to not play with them, but if you can have fun in spite of their best efforts it'll often put a stop to the worst of things.