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I can't resist contributing

Little Guardsman Boy

Join they tell me, pa rum pum pum pum
Fight Xenos and heresy, pa rum pum pum pum
Our largest tanks we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
While singing battle hymns, pa rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum
Grab a lasgun

We'll crush the Eldar, pa rum pum pum pum
And all those Ork boyz too, pa rum pum pum pum
Tear Tau limb from limb, pa rum pum pum pum
And bugs beyond the galactic rim, pa rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

Shall I wage war for you, pa rum pum pum pum
With my lasgun?

We go where needed, pa rum pum pum pum
From Golgotha to Vraks Prime, pa rum pum pum pum
We fight our best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
We die our best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum

On Terra He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my lasgun

Once more this merry tradition

Well written OP!

Here's a carol dedicated to the World Eaters.

(You'll figure out the tune )


Daemons we have heard on high
Singing o'er bloodied plains
And the Rage of Khrone reply
Echoing their angry strains.

Khorne, Blood for the blood god
Khorne, Skulls for the skull throne

Berzerkers why this jubilee?
Why your vengeful strains prolong?
What murderous tidings be
Which inspire your wrathful song?

Khorne, Blood for the blood god
Khorne, Skulls for the skull throne

Come to the Brass Realm and see.
The Blood God and his angry roar.
Come over the Warp's sea
To the endless fields of gore.

Khorne, Blood for the blood god
Khorne, Skulls for the skull throne

See him atop fleshless heads.
whom the Bloodthirsters all praise
Where his warriors all have bled,
While their skulls in rage we raise.

Khorne, Blood for the blood god
Khorne, Skulls for the skull throne

Khorne, Blood for the blood god
Khorne, Skulls for the skull throne

(To the tune of 'All I want for Christmas is you')

I don't want a lot this Codex,
there are just some things I need.
And I don't care about the Necrons,
or the fething Space Marines!
I want heroes for my Kroot.
Updates for my Crisis Suit,
CC disallowed!
Oh! All I want this Codex -- is Tau!
Tauuu, bayyyyy-beee.
Dododo do...

I won't ask for much this Codex,
I don't even need La'Kais.
Just say that you'll turn the tables,
so we can play our games long-ways.
I just want to hold you tight,
Right here in my line of sight,
Faces just like Trout...
Oh! All I want this Codex is Tau.
Dodo dodo dodo do-

I'm not asking much this Codex,
and though you might disagree...
Santa-clause won't make me happy,
with a Codex S.O.B!
Tell your troops to congregate,
Underneath my blast template,
Still I'll lose somehow,
But, all I want this Codex...

Is Tauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

(To the tune of "Baby it's Cold Outside, and you really don't have to change that many words to turn this classic into a Slaaneshi perversion )

I really can't stay - Fulgrim it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Fulgrim it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
Horus will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some records on while I pour

The Emperor might think - Fulgrim, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No Thunderhawk to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your helmet, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Fulgrim don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside!

C'mon baby

I simply must go - Fulgrim, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh Fulgrim, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that warp-storm
My honor guard will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brothers will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My apothecary’s mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a cigarette more - Never such a warp-storm before

I've got to get home - Oh, Fulgrim, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your bolter out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught Exterminatus and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Fulgrim it's cold outside

Brr it's cold...
It's cold out there
Can't you stay awhile longer baby
Well... I really shouldn't... Alright

Make it worth your while baby
Ahh, do that again...

Yuletide Chaos

by Pat Marstall


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Begin Transmission

Repetition of General Directive 264-A-XCIV

To: Distribution, Sectorium Primus
From: Office of The Grand Inquisitor, Ebineezar Grinchanius
Re: Yearly Chaos Incursion

This purpose of this notice is to remind the forgetful of the annual
visitation by the minion of Chaos known to the unworthy as Santa Claus.

+++ The Emperor's Light Banishes the Shadows of Heresy +++

As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every 8742 to
8766 terran hours, roughly corresponding to a terran year. This trespass
has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the Horus Heresy,
and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.

+++ Love and Obey the Emperor +++

The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and gear mark
him immediately as an agent of the abominations.

Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature approximating the human
form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him as
a possible follower of Khorne. It is bearded, mocking the honorable
squats, and its hair is a sallow shade of gray, betraying its unnatural age.
Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have
been observed, and the former is likely a ruse.

The target has been observed in the company of smaller creatures having
the appearance of thin (less than 30 kg, approx.), stunted (1.5 meters)
humanoids with pointed ears. Their appearance suggests the involvement
of the decadent Eldar, and although that race denies involvement
(* reference the Rudolphian Campaign [index 4111-BGE-MMXCII-Primus],
specifically the Battle of Yukon Coneliaus IV [ibid., index 6]*), agents are
advised to be prepared for their involvement, as the Eldar are known for
their deceitful ways.

Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a grav-sled powered by unnatural
livestock as detailed below.

The target's vehicle is a grav-sled. It has superfluous runners which are
used only on landing and take-off. Despite the appearance, no frozen
water is necessary for its operation (another ruse). The vehicles
resemblance to the foul Palanquin of Nurgle should not be discounted,
even though the colors continue to be reminiscent of Khorne.

The device is powered by the unholy ministrations of eight or nine
quadrupeds. Ordo Malleus scholars have identified these creatures as
warped versions of an extinct species of terran mammal known as a
Moose (reference 900002-ER-CIV). These beings single-mindedly pull
the target's vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled
harnesses which are apparently imbued with the ability of flight. These
beasts have been likened to the Fiends of Slaanesh, and such a
comparison should not be dismissed too lightly, as the creatures shed a
luminous substance as effluent as they move. Inquisitors should take care
to avoid exposure.

Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion-creatures.
On occasion, a ninth Moose has been observed, placed before the other
Mooses. This creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout, as a
psychic beacon to other followers of the Vile Ones. This Chaotic device
has allowed the target to navigate despite our best efforts to jam its
navigation systems.

+++ Blessed is the Virtue of Blind Faith +++

Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of loyal Imperial Citizens
(see below) and leaves small Chaos Rewards to tempt the faithful.

Inquisitors are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items before
any lasting damage is done. As a localized temporal distortion field is
in effect around the target, these items are secreted in the habitations of
the Imperium at exactly 2400 hours in every location. It is therefore possible
to gain entry to the citizens' cretches and remove the items (often cunningly
hidden in footwear) before the citizens are aware of the heresy that has
been committed upon them.

In other cases, removal of the items after the citizens have discovered them
is possible. In such cases, small children are occasionally loath to
surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has already begun.
Executions of the above are to be handled in the most expedient manner
possible.

Often, juveniles that are well within the Emperor's Grace are given small
blocks of graphite ore rather than the more tempting gifts visited upon the
less faithful. The identity of these individuals are to be recorded, as future
recruitment into the Inquisition or Adeptus Terra is possible.

[Note: Inquisitors or other agents who do *not* receive the graphite blocks
should be watched carefully]

Santa Claus enters the domiciles be way of heating ducts and waste vents.
The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can adjust its mass
and displacement by means of psychic manipulation. Mining these openings
with frag, krak and other demolitions has proven unsuccessful.

The creature egresses by the same means, after ritually caressing his nostrils.
No mucus has ever been recovered.

+++ The Death of Emperor's Enemies is the Only Gift We Can Give +++

Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have failed,
Inquisitors are urged to make such an attempt whenever possible.

However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity associated
with the yearly incursion. The Tainted have been known to erect shrines in
their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles and lights.

[Note: The shrubbery is often highly inflammable, and offers a discrete
method of executing the offending heretics without calling undue attention
to the operation]

Other warning signs include: hallucinations involving sugered candies during
slumber; excessive singing; references to `A magical time of year' (note the
influence of Tzeentch); the construction of effigies made of snow; and the
performance of Slaaneshi rituals while underneath plant clippings of the genus
phoradendron flavescens.

Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.

End Transmission

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