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+++ video log. purpose: helmet mounted. current location: hanger deck 17, judgement of carrion, 12000 light years from forsaken knights chapter planet. date in standard years: 201789040.+++
helmet mounted recorder connecting... opperational... conected.
i placed my helm upon my head.
we began to file out of the thunder hawk, into the dark, our tactical dreadnought armour making an echoing crash on the steel patched floor of the space hulk, we were here for one reason, eliminate anything aboard. according to the records we were shown, this was the three-hundred and thirty ninth time it had been attempted. the judgement of carrion was infested with chaos energies, with the xenos known as tyranids, even, supposedly, remnants of the jorgall, a species of cyborg humanoids with three legs. i am adeptes astartes, the most noble warriors ever known to man. we stand in a loose circle around the gunship, prepared for any attack. we stand for an hour, yet we only here the echos of oil and other fluid dripping.
"all clear, set up defence perimeter, terantula turrets here, here and here." sergeant corvane ordered over the COM. the hanger had three exits, each was to be defended by a terantula class sentry turret. i helped battle-brother tarus carry one of the devices to the ferthest of these. we placed it down and he pressed a number of runes on the back panel,. the turret came whirring to life. soon there after we were all seated in the thunder hawk's prep room. waiting for further orders from the fleet outside of the hulk. we all still wore our armour, but the others remove their helmets. I remove my own
+video feed end... retrieving next feed... playing+++



so what do you guys think, its about how a squad of terminators from my custom chapter are aboard the judgement of carrion, to attempt to clear it so the valuable geneseed still inside from the previous attempt can be recovered, but as always things will go hairy, very ,very hairy.

+++ video log. purpose: helmet mounted. current location: hanger deck 17, judgement of carrion, 12000 light years from forsaken knights chapter planet. date in standard years: 201789040. 04:12: day 1+++
helmet mounted recorder connecting... opperational... connected.
we had deployed light sources through out the hanger, no resistance had been met. even fully lit the hanger had a disturbing feel to it, a primal urge to leave was created by it, almost like, like... whispers. I sat next to Lucian, on a piece of metal the stuck at a low angle from the floor. his face was shadowed as it was so often these days. "what troubles you, brother?" I said solemnly. he looked at me, and a grin crossed his face. "I'm just thinking about how I will explain you getting eaten by xenos", we both laugh heartily.
"oh, I think it will be you before me"
"true, your thick skull may well save you". our laughs were interrupted by a burst of static on the com, with the rune of veris as the communicator. we all instantly on our feet, running to the furthest hanger exit, where veris had been guarding. the eight of us charged forth, I glimpsed the hand of veris gripping a corner up ahead before being dragged behind it. I immediately ran forward, wishing to save my brother. for the utmost time, Lucian saved my life that day. he shaved into me smashing me into the wall next to me with enough strength to halt my charge. and just seconds later, a horde of creatures, the alien entities known as gene stealers, poured around the corner. "FIRE!" corvine shouted as tough we would not have done so of our own initiative. the combat was short and bloody, ending in several dozen dead aliens and the bloodied carcase of brother septius. corvane knelt and pulled of our dead brother's shoulder pad which bore the crux terminates and septius' own rune. two brothers dead in a matter of minutes, this place had claimed their lives.
"dracur, tarus, move septius to the thunder hawk." +++ video cut. loading next available point of recording. loading... loading... video found.+++

+++ video log. purpose: helmet mounted. current location: hanger deck 17, judgement of carrion, 12000 light years from forsaken knights chapter planet. date in standard years: 201789040. 07:26: day 1+++
Lucian was still brooding, standing guard in veris' place. he occasionaly would clutch his face, as tough experiencing a migrane.
I looked at the squad bio on my tactical display


1:corvane
heartbeat: regular
breathing: regular
2 :Leonidas
heartbeat: regular
breathing: regular
3 :telion
heartbeat: 0.07 percent over: adrenal response to post trauma
breathing: regular
XXXXXXXX
heartbeat:_____
breathing:_____
5 :moran
heartbeat: regular
breathing: regular
XXXXXXXX
heartbeat: _____
breathing: _____
7: Lucian
heartbeat: 0.18 percent over: please seek apethacery when convenient
breathing: 0.19 percent over: please seek apethacery when convenient
8 :dracur
heartbeat: regular
breathing: regular
9: tarus
heartbeat: regular
breathing: regular


my brother's trouble was affecting him physically. I stood, and surveyed the hanger:
telion was pacing the long length of the place, moran was guarding the entrance closest to the thunder hawk, dracur and tarus were standing guard at the largest entrance, dracur occasionaly whirring his assault cannon. and corvine was standing in the centre of the hanger, looking thoughtful. "brother, what ails you?" I asked Lucian. he would not avoid my questioning this time. his grin faltered, "what do you think is wrong? two of our brothers dead-"
"we've seen brothers die before" I interrupted
"stop it brother, I have a migraine, ok, this is all"
our coms buzzed "Leonidas, Lucian, telion, we're going to retrieve brother veris' crux and wargear. dracur, tarus and telion, remain here and remain on guard " those of us leaving stood up, flexing muscles and checking war-gear.

If you're going to take the time to write something, take the time to use capitalization and punctuation.

 LoneLictor wrote:
If you're going to take the time to write something, take the time to use capitalization and punctuation.

crap, sorry. I must have turned auto-correct off. *realises what he just said*

As mnetioned before, punctioation such helps. Also using the correct terms for communication like Vox net instead of coms, and hololitich feed instead of video will help too.

 Trondheim wrote:
As mnetioned before, punctioation such helps. Also using the correct terms for communication like Vox net instead of coms, and hololitich feed instead of video will help too.

thanks, I completely forgot about vox

No problem, its very, very easy to do so.