Ever wondered whats the emporer thinking all day while sitting on the golden throne?

Here what I think he might say

"39,002 bottles of beer on the Wall, 39,002 bottles of beer, take one down, pass them around, 39,002 bottles of beer on the wall. 39,001 bottles. . ."

You know, I've had this itch for 3,435 years, right at the base of my neck. . ."


"Why can't they hook up a Playstation 3 in here?"

"Damn, my foot's asleep again."

You know, when I said sacrifice 1000 souls to me daily, they must have misunderstood. I actually meant sacrifice 1000 COALS. It's so cold in this huge throne room..."

How do i "Masterbait" [winks] like this, and can someone hold it while i pee

'Why can't we get a Sister Superior to insert the catheter?'

Of course he's levitating porno-slates in front of his face by willpower alone.

he has a warp rift open in front of him, and is playing chess... or "regicide" (apparently the 40k version of chess)

Dead men tell no tails...

"Alas, poor Horus. I knew thee well."

What are they waiting for?!?!

He's dead.

Y'know... I could really go for some pizza.

I swear to god, if one of those tech magos ers puts a fake moustache on me one more time...

I'm not dead yet! (for all you monty python fan's out there)

Omigod... I am soooo constipated

I know what he's thinking.

"Darkness, imprisoning me, all that I see, absolute horror! I cannot live. I cannot die. Trapped in myself. Body my holding cell. Horus has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my hearing. Taken my arms, taken my legs, taken my soul, left me with life in Hell!"

Lordhat wrote:"Alas, poor Horus. I knew thee well."

"alas, poor horus... i knew him... horatio"

shakespeare nazi

"Ya know... if they'd just let me fracking die I could reincarnate again..."

Heh, heh. Shadow Sun. I'd like to feel those Greater Goods. heh.

Shep wrote:I know what he's thinking.

"Darkness, imprisoning me, all that I see, absolute horror! I cannot live. I cannot die. Trapped in myself. Body my holding cell. Horus has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my hearing. Taken my arms, taken my legs, taken my soul, left me with life in Hell!"

I see what you did there

"I can't wait until GW releases the Greatcoat models they talked about 38,000 years ago".

"Geez, the Fantasy Daemon army book is BS!"

"Crom's Stones I have to pee! I don't think I can hold it much.......ahhhhhh!"

"What do you mean the Siege book is only for Fantasy now?!!?!?!11!!?"

"a subway would kill in this area"

"so the chicken did come before the egg"

"anyone have a kleenex? my nose has been running.... for about a millenia"

"so is stewie gay or not? I mean whats the deal with that?"

What is the average flight velocity of a sparrow?
What is the ultimate question to the Ultimate answer of life, the Universe and everything?
Damn. Khorne just checkmated me again.
Maybe makeing Horus Warmaster was a bad idea.
What to do... What to do...
When will they find the "On" button to this thing?
When will GW release Dark Eldar?
I'm sooooooooooooo bored.

Emperor:You know why I,ve been sitting here so log serf?

serf(or whatever you wanna calll him):No,sir.

Emperor:It's cause I have been having a senile moment for the past million years or so and I don't rember,what Im suppose to be doing.

serf:Well sir your the Emperor of mankind,so It must be important.

Emperor:I've got it,oh no wait thats just my grocery list from 1000 years ago.

serf:...

Emperor;I feel so alone on this throne,I want to do something.
(Emporer gets up,and from that day on he has been in Galactic Oldes,the best nursing home in the galaxy.)

I'm sure the answer was forty something, if only I had eyes I could read that book again and find out.

Does anyone ever change the loo roll in here?

You know it's amazing. I'm sat here watching my beloved astartes fight for millenia, and yet it seems every 4 years some mysterious force rearranges my armies ever so slightly, pistols here, new abilitys there, this forggotten, tank design appearing and disappearing. In my dream i keep seeing the letters GW. Wonder what that means. Whatever it is I wish someone would tell them how damn anoying it all is!

Squats....yes i remember...they were...or were they?.......something about.......no i don't think they ever existed, must have been a dream.......

I'm so lonely. Oh, hello Mr Twinkles, where did you come from? The planet rainbow and dew drops? Tell me more. We should be bestest friends!

Crazy_Carnifex wrote:
Maybe makeing Horus Warmaster was a bad idea.

That's phunnie ^%$#



*snicker* "I have not given these schmucks a courtesy flush in thousands of years."

I really should have let a pro sports team in the former City of Cleveland win a championship. It wasn't fair to keep taunting them like that. And then to take away a team and let them win a title. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Crazy_Carnifex wrote:What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Is it an African or a European swallow?

"What if c-a-t really spells dog?
"

You know, I sort of meant for Rogal Dorn to put Horus in this thing.

"Serenity Now"

Soon, He-man will be no more and I will rule all of Eternia from Castle Grey Skull!HaHaHaHaaa!!!

Wow! Bedsores really hurt, thank feth im dead.

...I'm out of toilet paper...

It's true, watching "Chick Flicks" will put you in a coma...How long have I been here?

I will give ANYBODY Immortality right now if they just scracted my nose. ANYBODY!

Phenomenal Cosmic Power, ....itty bitty living space.

What WOULD I do for a klondike bar?

"...We tied an onion to our belt since that was the style at the time. We used the yellow ones 'cause the white ones were out due to the war. Nickels had bees on them back then so we's called them bees. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter!' we used to say..."

focusedfire wrote:Phenomenal Cosmic Power, ....itty bitty living space.

Excellent job sir, easily my favorite so far

...and that's the story of my life.....Doc, um, doc are you there...Damn, now I need a new shrink.

I wish I had TIVO.

I really need to start a new Blood Bowl league.

"so those primarchs......they worked a treat didn't they, i mean surely infusing clones created from my own flesh with the power of the warp seemed like a good idea at the time, i mean i really should cut down on the space dust that stuff is lethal i mean looked what it did to me........"

Ad Mech Adept: "!?!?WTF!?!?!"

"oh surely you didn't think i would get off my ass myself and fight Horus, i had Dorn do that, this *looks up and down* that's space dust addiction through and through"

Lol Deery.

"You know, with the amount of souls they sacrifice a day just for my wellbeing they could create another Emperor."

Maybe I should surf the warp and find me an Empress....

How much was my electric bill!....I'm out'a here!

Darn Pilgrims, Stay out of my Garden!

I wonder if dad has ungrounded me yet.

Whats for dinner?

Psykers?

Again?

"I wonder how Jesus is doing?"

"How the hell am I thinking all of this considering my brain rotted away 39,998 years ago?"

"WTF is this Turtle Pie thing?"

'Its the final countdown! doo do doo doo! da-da doo doo doo! doo do doo doo! duh-duh dun dun dun!'

somecallmeJack wrote:'Its the final countdown! doo do doo doo! da-da doo doo doo! doo do doo doo! duh-duh dun dun dun!'

"Human souls suck... How about some PIZZA!"

"**** I have that really anoying High School Musical song stuck in my head... Why the **** did i go and see it! Its been in my head for 300 ******* thousand years!"

covenant84 wrote:I'm sure the answer was forty something, if only I had eyes I could read that book again and find out.

Yea I think it was 42 wasnt it?

anywho



"GOLD?!?! holy friggin frak, SEE if they would of listened to me at least ONCE they would of known I HATE gold. Its so ugly and dull and dirty.... maaaaaaaaaan........ When I come back Im totally redoing these damn SM so they LISTEN better.... maybe bigger ears....."

Wait....Am I the good guy?

Nothing, but Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is gently echoing somewhere deep in the cavern of his skull.

Emporer: "I really hate that song."

Me damn it, plug this ornate toilet back in.

Singing, "Nobody knows the troubles i've seen"



Or" ....Attica!....Attica!....Attica!"

"Thousands of years and you'd think the smell of burnt hair would dissapate."

or

"Mmm, chocolate."

Oooohohohoo....Some preparation H, ... PLEASE! 10,000 years and counting of just sitting, my prostate is just one giant hemmariod. You feed me thousands of souls a day and you can,t even get me a donut. And don't even get me started about my bedsores, blah, blah, gripe, blah......

"Last words? Hows aboot: GET ME THE F*** OUT OF THIS CHAIR!" - the South Park movie, though I think it's apllicable here too.

The Thousandth Son wrote:"Last words? Hows aboot: GET ME THE F*** OUT OF THIS CHAIR!" - the South Park movie, though I think it's apllicable here too.

I think it's originally from 1982 The Thing with Kurt Russell. Either way I like it!!!

"Cause I'm as freeeee as a bird now...."

Note on The Thing post from earlier... (and post variation)

"...Now if someone could untie me, because I would rather not spend the next forty thousand years tied to this fu--ing chair!!!"

"Mars is AMAAAZING."

"Mars is AMAAAZIIING!"

I sure hope no-one declares a War on Terra...

Ths things just ruining my posture, Dorn, Sweetie.

Maybe this was not such a good idea after all. . .

hello, anybody out there?

"I gotta pee..."

man the thing was a GREAT movie wasnt it? sometimes I realize that Kurt russel really made some good movies. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA! god that movie is the gak!


uhm ok well since I put that out there ill do a ON TOPIC thing..... hmmm how bout

"ok.....so they are called custodies....... but Ive never seen them in with with a mop.... all this piss and rotting skin REEKS! yet time and time agin instead of cleaning its *high pitch voice* oh mr. emperor your so this and your so that, what a great ruler you are, I want a chair liek that, oh by the way heres my cd my band made just listen to it its life changing......... I hate my life"

you know I used to play video games all the time......I loved to play wii.

EDIT:corrected typo

I know that nurse is stealing my pills

(Singing over&over again)"Kyle's mom is a big fat b***h, the biggest fat b***h in the whole wide world."

How long has it been since I went outside? Man, I've been logged into WoW too long.


Edit: BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL.

Singing, "The wheels on the bus go round and round...."

If I catch thta guy who put superglue on my toilet seat.....

"The kids never visit me, anymore."

Who shot J.R. (older members will know what I mean).

Along the same lines"When GW finally reveals that this was just a dream episode, everyones going to be p****d.!"

Not again!......grumble, grumble!

"I really should have read my EOE handbook before I christened the White Scars and Black Templars. My bad."

"Sanguinius gay? Well, I guess the wings were a sure sign. As well as the feather boa. And the lip gloss."

"I'll admit the Great Crusade wasn't really that great, but it sounded better than 'The Mediocre Crusade' on paper."

"If one more fething Redshirt asks me which army I play, I swear to god..."

"Mars in open revolt, half my legions turned on the other, and all people can do is wonder what I'm doing in the vault under my palace on Terra. Seriously, I'm the only person in my WoW guild that can heal the MT worth a toss, so get off my back."

"More than a thousand pewter silver minatures of that stink-nugget Calgar and I can't even get shout out for the Emperor? TERRA, REPRESENT! WHUT-WHUT!"

"Sisters of Silence? ROFLCOPTER. They never shut up. If only they would just catch me up on LOST that would own."

"Some people ask me what happened to my kids. I shrug. Being a single parent is tough."

"Unlike many ancient Merican's, I sympathized for Emperor Bush during his regime. I know he was inherently a good person, but he had that Cheny the Sigilite fellow. Sigilites. /spit"

"Designing the Golden Throne to channel the essence of a 1,000 psykers a day was tough but a technelogical marvel. I just wish I could have installed TiVo. Totally missing out on Sons of Anarchy."

"I don't know who named the 'Custodians' thus, but I've watched them for the last few millenia and let me tell you, they don't clean up a damn thing."

"I wish I would have beaten Dorn in public more often."

"Soulja Boy up in this ho, watch me crank it - watch me roll, watch me crank dat Soulja Boy, then Super Man dat ho, now watch me doooOooOOooooOoOoOooOOooOooooOooOooOOoo!"

"Space Wolves Grey, Ultramarines Blue, Dark Angels Green, but no Emperors Codpiece Gold. I have been betrayed!"

I has itch.

"I spy, with my little eye....guys...guys?"

"Never gonna give you up..."

"I haven't scratched my balls in AGES. Good thing the maggots got to them early."

"*Evil whisper*Good, Good, no one has figured out the parallel between me and Sauron. Soon there will be nothig that those little ratlings can do to stop me*evil hiss*"

"This is what I get for genetically engineering my own kids. Next time I should just knock a chick up."

"I have been waiting here for so long, soon, one of these Adepts will get too close, then BAM! I am going to jump out of this chair and scare him to death."

"I really wish Slaanesh would stop sending me those stupid porn Warp Messages."

"Humanity is doing alright for itself, maybe I will get off this chair in another 10,00 years or so and help. Man, they are gonna be pissed when they find out I wasn't really a vegetable, just really lazy....."

"I wish they would feed me Low Fat Psykers. I am starting to put on a little chub."

"I wish our Universe was more like Starcraft."

"Kekekekekeke guardrush!"

Thats the Last time I have chile.

"Hey, I sent that custodian out for TP 10,000 years ago, Where the heck is he?"

"..." he can't say much being dead

"omg! i cant feel my legs!!"

"how many more years is it gonna be till someone changes the tp roll on my gold plated throne"

"I don't care how long it takes, I'm sitting here until East Stirling FC wins a championship."

*sigh* "still waiting for that Dragon Ball Z movie..."

One of these days, the leafs will win the cup.

... ... ... ... ... ... What do you mean I'm too slow to avoid your blow, Horus!? ... ... ... ... ah Crap!

du du dua da du, du du dua du, da da de da da du de dada (popcorn song)

"I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that will get on your nerves, get, get, get, on your nerves"

Pppppppppplllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssseeeeeeeee, someone just pull the plug already.

"He was drunk all the time, he never cut his hair and then this music! His whole live he did nothing but annoy me and the ONE TIME when he does as I ask him to, it turns out that it wasn't such a good idea after all. When that long-haired, bad-teethed screw-up Leman EVER gets back he's gonna get it!"

"So if i did Slaanesh would that make me gay?"

"did i leave the oven on?"

"I'd rather be playing Skee-Ball"

Since people are talking about Slaneesh, I am dissappointed GW lost their balls and made Deamonettes "PC" for 5th ed. Pretty sure 4th ed models they have perky jugs and female lookin faces.

wish i could do something for a klondic bar

the sacrifices are nice, but i could really use a haircut

greenskin lynn wrote:wish i could do something for a klondic bar

The emperor made the mistake of saying he'd do anything for a Klondike Bar.
Next thing he knew he was strapped to the golden throne, protecting humanity from the ravages of the warp, he has yet to receive his Klondike Bar...

When is the new starcraft coming out?

God! I hate those ultramarines, why do they never lose, even I lost once back in the day...

Everyone thinks I'm dead, maybe that's why they don't call.

Is this what everyone on dakkadakka thinks that I am thinking?

*Sigh* Still no broadband connection....

I can't get this darn Jeopardy theme outa my head AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

"I said lunch!, they thought I said launch!"

You know what, I could really go for mexican right about now.

"Damn Magnus and his incessant 'need' to use the warp to send me chain texts..."

"Looks like the imperium is copping it.... better back up my files"

"I'll get you next time, Gadget! NEXT TIIIIIIIME!"

"HE'S FIRING THE LAZER!!"

Autobots, ROLL OUT!!

"I wish the Pay-Per-View on this throne changed selections more often... I've seen '300' twenty times, it's starting to lose it's appeal..."

Maybe I should grow myself another Ghola of Mau'dib. I need someone who understands.

"Damn tech-priests left a light on in front of me for the last 3000 years"

"Lonley... I'm so Lonely..."

"The urge to play warhammer 80,000 after 10000 years on this throne is greater than sex!"

Wish this thing had an auto-flush feature.

Where the hell is my rubber ducky?

Wonder if that "You know you play to much 40k" thread on Dakka has died already.

Man I remember when I was that Jesus fellow. I could do with some wine right now...

"After all this hard work defending the universe from the xenos I think I've earned myself a treat. Custodian! Fetch me a beer and a woman!"

"Or for lack of a beer or a woman, fetcheth me a snickers. I won't be going anywhere for a while."

Custodian!

Here's a few...

"Look at all those people they're sacrificing down there... That's a lot of people... All day... Every day... I wonder why they're doing that?"

"Wish I had a Snickers..."

"Would you look at all these stairs... My God do I hate gold..."

"A simple band-aid would have done fine guys. You didn't have to go all 'boy in a bubble' on me."

"I still can't believe that guy stabbed me."

"..." (He's comatose.)

"My luck I'll get out of this... And then trip and fall down these damn stairs."

-J.

*Emperor: "stupid castodes dont need to use constant incense and scent oil.... i just need my diapers changed! ffffffffffffffffff"

*the emperors wrath just spawned some brownies.

AcervusVlos wrote:"I wish the Pay-Per-View on this throne changed selections more often... I've seen '300' twenty times, it's starting to lose it's appeal..."

300 never loses it appeal.

Try watching it for 10 000 years.

I'll get up and save the universe as soon as my Ipod repeats a previously played song.

Nothing the last thing he was thinking before emtombed into the throne was the hamster dance.

10,000 years later he is now the God Hamster of dobe dobe dobe do dar dobe dobe dar

"Oh I gettit, im The "god emperor", does that mean i can do whatever i want, 'cos i thought that i was on death row, i thought that this was a golden electric chair"
10 minutes of surprising everyone by getting up later
"Oi You, Get Me A Beer"
Kegpreist: "yes Lord"

"That's a great idea, free bolt day. Once a year, the citizens of the empire get a free bolt fired at them. Those that survive can keep the bolt and those that don't can't keep the bolt. I'll have to tell somebody."

I swear to me! If Russ has made off with the booze I sent him to get again I'll ing stick this ing throne down his ing throat!!!...how long have I been waiting?

Who died and left Roboute in charge?

Ok, so I'll get off of this chair when they bring out new SW and DE 'dex's... ... ... ... I think I'll have another nap

Christ I need a smoke!

I wish I had invested in google, maybe I could have then afforded a chair with a built in plasma TV and xbox, "sigh"

halonachos wrote:"That's a great idea, free bolt day. Once a year, the citizens of the empire get a free bolt fired at them. Those that survive can keep the bolt and those that don't can't keep the bolt. I'll have to tell somebody."

That's actually entertaining considering Bolters use caseless ammunitions.

-J.

Alazahr wrote:

halonachos wrote:"That's a great idea, free bolt day. Once a year, the citizens of the empire get a free bolt fired at them. Those that survive can keep the bolt and those that don't can't keep the bolt. I'll have to tell somebody."

That's actually entertaining considering Bolters use caseless ammunitions.

-J.

And ya know, explode on impact with anything.

"Where's my dinner?"

Hah! Pleasantville reference!

...at least I think that was the movie...

*yawn* Ahhh that was a gooood nap.

I'm not coming out 'till you apologize!

"MACHO, MACHO MANNNN! I WANNA BE A MACHO MAN!"

"Damn Kidney Stones!"

Gwar! wrote:

Alazahr wrote:

halonachos wrote:"That's a great idea, free bolt day. Once a year, the citizens of the empire get a free bolt fired at them. Those that survive can keep the bolt and those that don't can't keep the bolt. I'll have to tell somebody."

That's actually entertaining considering Bolters use caseless ammunitions.

-J.

And ya know, explode on impact with anything.

Makes them harder to catch now doesn't it?

"I need a striiper pole in here and some sister of battle in bikinis"
"dammit why wont you get hard"
"Will smith is still making movies"
"garret is the coolest dakka member ever"

"When will the new Dawn of War expansion come out. I'm getting sick of multiplayer now..."

"SOOOOOOOooooo constipated!"

"Dammit why is this thing still running windows 98?
i would love to have vista but the throne crashes crashes."
"im not a gay fish"
im so horny when is the sister superior getting here

"Wow, this thread is still going?!?"

wen i decide to get off this nice-ass golden throne (toilet), ima beat the gak out of all xenos and heretic bitches! (IMO the Immortal God-Emperor of Mankind has been just taking a huge dump for 10000 years. all that beating the gak out horus tires you out...

I wonder if my wife left me?
40kforums suck dakka is cooler

He's on dakka.

If these Custodes douche-wads blames one more chilli-and-bean burrito fart on me, I'm gonna have to get my god-like ass off this chair and do a little 'correcting'.

I wonder what the Sister Superior looks like without all that power armor on...

Slaanesh is such a fairy...

Yep, ANY minute now, I'm gonna get bored...

Really? Ultramarines are still around?

"Grinds his teeth"
Com-on already, play the damn music I want to switch chairs. Its been on pause for 10,000 years and Horus is still eyeing up the same chair I am, "mutters" that guy is always wanting my stuff

We're all going on a summer holiday... wonder what happend to the shadows?

(Wonder how many people will get THAT reference! )

I was actually listening to that on the weekend... Just love it!

Man, why did I have to shat in my armor. I'm still too embarassed to stand up.

Man, this 35th century catheter is soooo outdated.

I still can't get this seat belt unbuckled.


BEST RIDE EVER! I'LL NEVER GET OFF!

... Wish my plasma pistol still worked...

Someone give me airsoft, I'm terribly bored right now.

GOD, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COKE AND PEPSI!?!



...Sit in my thinking chair and just think...think...thiiiiiiinnk!

MasticatorDeelux wrote:"I haven't scratched my balls in AGES. Good thing the maggots got to them early."

"Do I have a zit on my nose? Hey techpriest...."

-Calls up Eldrad-

Hey dude, what's been going on for the last millenia?

You know, I'm beginning to think that she stood me up. I should wait a little longer though, I'm sure shes on her way.

That's more like 'What G.F.C. is thinking'.

I doubt that you are the emperor, he doesn't have an internet connection.

Are you kidding?? The emperor IS the internet!

No, broadband is the emperor.

you vist.....press ctrl-alt-del to continue

Here's a few more..

"Waagghh... What is it good for?!?" *Mumbles.* "Absolutely nothin'..."

"Why are all my screens blue?" *Pauses.* "Wait... What's an Unmountable Boot Volume?!?" *Pauses. Coughs. Flatlines.*

"Anyone up for Scrabble?"

"Hah! 999,999 Tweets!" *Cackles.* "Wait... Who in Terra is A. Kutcher?!?"

-J.

And people say that the swine flu was over hyped....Look at me, does this look over hyped to you!

"How many 'Whats the emporer thinking" threads do we need? ITS SPELLED EMPEROR! GET MY NAME RIGHT AT LEAST!"

lol
Fonetic fale

I wonder if I can get a record for longest time sitting on a chair.

Somebody.....please.........KILL ME .

Oooh a nickel!! Now if I...could...only...reach...it!

When those damn Adeptus Terras going to Figure out how to get me off this, My A** is killing me

hmmm, Dorn promised me that he's get me off the chair and back to ruling the galaxy in a week, I wonder where he went?