A Khorne Berzerker, a Space Wolf, and Sly Marbo are sitting around a campfire, swapping stories.
"Once," said the Space Wolf, "I drank a hundred litres of strong Fenris beer without puking, and still managed to screw five daemonettes afterwards."
"That's nothing!" cried the Berzerker. "I once blew up an Imperator Titan with my bare hands! I ate my way into the cockpit and killed the crew with their own spines!"
Marbo said nothing. He just sat there stirring the coals with his penis.
Google won't search for Sly Marbo, because it knows you don't find him, he finds you.
Sly Marbo sleeps with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
Marbo's hate for you burns so intently that when he eats sand, he gaks glass.
Marbo FTW he wiped out an entire command post, killed all of the guards and sneaked off back into the jungle
the bad guys were scared shitless after that
Marbo is the best guardsman ever to serve the Emperor
Commissar Agro wrote:Marbo FTW he wiped out an entire command post, killed all of the guards and sneaked off back into the jungle
the bad guys were scared shitless after that
Marbo is the best guardsman ever to serve the Emperor
And to think he did all that just because he was looking for a pack of lho sticks and the command post was marked 7-11. He was ticked when he found out not only did they not have lho sticks but they didn't have any whiskey either. But the command post had some lives in it, so he took them. All of them.
Marbo's mere presence causes wraithlords and wraithguard to instanteously develop circulatory systems and vital organs specifically so that he can then poison them with his knife.
Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
Sly Marbo once went on a mission to the planet of Virgin Prime. The planet is now known simply as Prime.
Sly Marbo throws demo packs at his enemies. He then eats the shredded remains of his foes and gaks out more demo packs. The Ministorum refers to this as 'the circle of life'.
If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
The sole export of Marbo is pain.
Contrary to popular belief, it is Sly Marbo, not the Catachan Devil, that is the most deadly animal on Catachan.
Sly Marbo doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Sly Marbo would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
The Leman Russ tank was originaly called the Marbo tank until Sly Marbo decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Guard, for fear of Marbo, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Sly Marbo.
Sly Marbo, Creed and Marneus Calgar are sat as the Golden throne, the emporer has summoned them to discuss who will take over as emporer of mankind when the throne finally packs in.
Creed speaks 'My lord! I am the most brilliant tactician in the imperial forces! I should take your place when you die', Calgar interrupts, 'NO! I am the most noble and courageous of the Space Marines! I should take your place on the golden throne!'
Marbo looks at Creed and Calgar, then he turns to the emporer and says: 'Get out of my F#####G chair..."
hey valkyrie
how cares if you dont really like this post you dont have to read it we all find it funny, riping of chuck norris jokes
back to the post
they only reason the nids are attacking the galaxy is to stop marbo from killing them
sly marbo can kill 2 stones with 1 bird
sly marbo is the chuck norris of the 41st melliumn
Sly Marbo once challenged Calgar in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Marbo won by 5.
Marbo's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Sly Marbo.
Sly Marbo sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Sly Marbo once built a time machine so that he could kill Horus during the Heresy. He appeared on the Chaos flagship Between the Emperor and Horus, the latter who he proceeded to kill with a demo pack in the face. The Emperer is so amazed that his put into a coma and has to be put on the Golden Throne.
There once was a man from nantuckett, Sly Marbo found and killed this man.
It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back the emperor, Sadly Marbo never cries.
People think that when tyranids destroy worlds they strip all life from the planet, in all reality it is just Sly Marbo deciding he doesn't like that planet.
@Valkyrie 61 posters disagree with you, if you don't like it, follow these directions (gives him a map) to get to a remote island somewhere in the caribbean. I'm sure you might find someone who actually cares about you not liking it.
Sly Marbo once beat up a bear with his own bare hands ... the bears own hands that is
Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away
Sly Marbo steals lunch money from the Primarch's
Sly Marbo enjoys talking about Sly Marbo in the third person perspective.
Sly Marbo doesn't roll dice when playing 40K, he tells you what numbers he is using
Marbo just killed you, you just don't know it yet.
:::story:::
The Emperor awoke from his sleep, having fully resurrected for some reason or another. He called for the bravest of the Imperium, so that he may judge them of their great deeds.
To test them one last time, the Emperor had them all ride the same ship from front lines. When the ship arrived, only one person left the ship; a crewman.
When asked what happened, the he said, "It was Marbo, he judged them before the Emperor ever had the chance!"
The Emperor spoke, having overheard the man, "Then let us hope he judges well of us, he is behind you."
Teh_K42 wrote:Sly Marbo once challenged Calgar in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Marbo won by 5.
Xanthos552 wrote:Sly Marbos mother didn't give birth to him.
Wat?
Leigen_Zero wrote:Sly Marbo, Creed and Marneus Calgar are sat as the Golden throne, the emporer has summoned them to discuss who will take over as emporer of mankind when the throne finally packs in.
Creed speaks 'My lord! I am the most brilliant tactician in the imperial forces! I should take your place when you die', Calgar interrupts, 'NO! I am the most noble and courageous of the Space Marines! I should take your place on the golden throne!'
Marbo looks at Creed and Calgar, then he turns to the emporer and says: 'Get out of my F#####G chair..."
Victory is at hand.
There is no Greater good. Marbo just looked at the entire tau race with a disapproving look.
The Tyranids actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Chuck Norris. What they don't realise, however, is that Norris, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
Remember the Squats? They were a bit slow giving Sly his beer.
Remember the Lost and the Damned? One of them once stepped on Sly Marbo's toes.
Remember the Jokkero? Let's just say that flinging poo at Sly Marbo ain't such a good idea.
Remember the Ajek%fjdk? No? Sly Marbo killed them so hard they were erased from history.
Marbo is so awesome that his name is not only a Noun, but an Article and a Verb too, meaning that the Sentence "Marbo marbo Marbo marbo marbo marbo Marbo marbo" is a Grammatically correct Sentence.
Marbo then decided to wipe out the word that used to go in that sentence, and did such a good job no one knows what it used to be.
Sly Marbo once met the Emperor. The ensuing explosion was mistaken for a super nova. Afterward, Marbo was heard to say "Dammit, Chuck, you spilled my beer..."
Sly marbo and Chuck norris, once stepped on an eldar world at the same time, The sheer level of awesomeness could not be contained and resulted in the eye of terror
Marbo once fought a unit of Howling Banshees in close combat, 5 seconds later, 10 pregnant banshees left
Cheese Elemental wrote:A Khorne Berzerker, a Space Wolf, and Sly Marbo are sitting around a campfire, swapping stories.
"Once," said the Space Wolf, "I drank a hundred litres of strong Fenris beer without puking, and still managed to screw five daemonettes afterwards."
"That's nothing!" cried the Berzerker. "I once blew up an Imperator Titan with my bare hands! I ate my way into the cockpit and killed the crew with their own spines!"
Marbo said nothing. He just sat there stirring the coals with his penis.
Google won't search for Sly Marbo, because it knows you don't find him, he finds you.
Sly Marbo sleeps with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
Marbo's hate for you burns so intently that when he eats sand, he gaks glass.
ROFL does not even begin to describe this. It is too much too handle. Brain melting...
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Mekboy wrote:Sly Marbo has no ripper pistol. He just makes his hand into a gun shape, points it at you and shouts 'Bang!'.
Indeed it is so.
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Cryonicleech wrote:Sly Marbo and Boss Snikrot walk into a bar. The Bar explodes, unable to contain THAT much awesome
The truth speaks wisely from you.
I hope you don't mind me doing one a bit similar.
- Sly Marbo and Boss Snikrot walk into a bar. Snikrot orders a tank of gasoline and begins to douse the bar with it. As he is doing his dousing, Snikrot notices Sly Marbo set charges up a month in advance and the bartender was actually a broom with some lipstick on it. Snikrot says @#$%, Sly Marbo says bang!
- Sly Marbo once ran into Ghazgull Thrukka, and they went on a brisk walk in the woods. Ghazgull decided he didn't like Sly Marbo all that much, so he went home. Upon arrival Ghazgull ran into bits and pieces of himself, and began wondering how it happened.
- Sly Marbo is the cause of every know disaster and he eats politicians for brunch, in between a breakfast of bunnies, and a lunch of ork salad. Dinner of course is macaroni and cheese, because Marbo is just that cool.
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Cheese Elemental wrote:
Valkyrie wrote:As if the whole "Chuck Norris" thing wasn't already pathetic enough, everyone's doing Sly Marbo rip-offs of it
Oh by the way, this isnt a "Sly Marbo Fact" in case you all think this is one
Get in the spirit of things. Don't be a dullard.
This may be the funniest post here
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hellsguardian316 wrote:Sly Marbo has mistakenly been in drag for years, its just that no one has the balls to tell him
Ooooohhhh Right!!!
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Shinigami wrote:Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp; The tyranids are trying to get away.
Marbo can use Proxies in a tournement; if it looks and feels like a Coke can, but Marbo tells you it's a Monolith, it's a Monolith.
-Hey... Marbo... Marbo this looks like it is filled with plastic explosives and covered in puppy blood.
-You take the first sip
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aurelion wrote:Orks go on Waaaghs to get away from Marbo.
OH @$#
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Nobody_Holme wrote:
greenskin lynn wrote:is the lictor the reason the guardsmen are moist, or is being moist a prereq for a closet lictor
Quoted for win.
Also, Sly Marbo doesnt really fumble demos onto his own feet, he just fakes his own death so you'll be suprised next time you see him.
Corum wrote:The best thing about waking up in the morning? Knowing that Marbo didn't kill you in your sleep last night.
Moist guardsmen are afraid of the Lictor that hides in their closet. The Lictor is afraid of the Marbo that hides in his.
Yes... I understand now... HAH!!!
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WingWong wrote:
Cheese Elemental wrote:
Marbo said nothing. He just sat there stirring the coals with his penis.
Sly Marbo sold his soul to the Chaos gods for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Sly roundhouse kicked the Chaos gods in the faces and took his soul back. The gods, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted they should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Sly Marbo Revived the Emperor back to his originally glory. He then beat the out of him to return him back to his more-or-less dead state. He then proclaimed, "The Marbo Giveth, and The Marbo Taketh Away."
The Siege of Terra failed for the Imperium because Sly Marbo was on vacation for the week.
Abbadon stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
Sly Marbo is the jungle. Welcome to the jungle.
The Emperors Champion challenged Marbo to a duel and drew his relic blade. Marbo said, "Thats not a knife," unsheathed his own, "THIS is a knife. Look it's got tassles on it and everything."
Marbo has girly tassles on his knife, but no ones been brave enough to tell him.
God said, "let there be light", and the light was good.
Marbo said, "turn that damn light off. Don't you know there is a bloody war on."
God turned the light off, and the darkness was good.
Marbo loves the dark.
If you have 5 iho sticks and Sly Marbo has 5 iho sticks, Sly Marbo has more iho sticks than you.
Sly Marbo once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Sanguinius while he was fighting Horus.
When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo. More importantly, Sly Marbo does not fall in water.
While searching online for a quicker, more efficient way to bake muffins, Sly Marbo encountered the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google. Taking this as a snide remark, Sly Marbo proceeded to destroy the search engine and fourteen orphanages for good measure. Sly Marbo is the only known man to have demo charged a search engine.
Sly Marbo doesn't need to use toilet paper because **** is too scared to stick to his ass.
Santa Clause once told Sly Marbo to sit in his lap. There were no survivors.
Sly Marbo had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high five.
The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard.
Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy Leman Russ is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
Sly Marbo was intended to play Luke in Star Wars, but Sly Marbo decided that Luke was too much of a bitch.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Sly Marbo smoked 15 cartons of lho sticks a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
The Imperium once made a Sly Marbo toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.
Sly Marbo does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Sly Marbo goes killing.
Sly Marbo once made an appearance on "Emeril". When Sly said "Bam!," Emeril's head exploded and a pregnant woman in the audience gave birth. Undeterred, Sly Marbo finished the show by preparing roast Emeril with a raspberry glaze and a side of baby.
marbo once used a roundhouse kick against an ork. that roundhouse kick was so hard it kicked the ork through time and he hit adolf hitler when he took a shower
Marbo once ate a tin full of nails and glass... 5 minutes later, he crapped wargear for a full Deathwing army, 3 Baneblades, 2 spare golden thrones, and a tin full of screws and sand.
The necrons are waking up because Sly Marbo told them to get off their butts and get to work.
Sly Marbo challenged Tzeentch to a game of checkers, chess, and monopoly all stacked together. Marbo won by $371, Canadian.
Games workshop doesn't bring out new editions of 40k, Sly Marbo lets GW bring out new editions.
The planetkiller doesn't destroy planets, it shows them a picture of Sly Marbo.
Kharn collects skulls for Khorne. Khorne collects skulls for Sly Marbo.
The Tau are fighting for the Greater Good. The Greater Good is fighting for Sly Marbo.
Baneblades are named after Sly Marbo's wang.
The Dark Age of Technology happened because Sly Marbo wanted some peace and quiet.
The Great Crusade happened because the Emperor wanted to meet Sly Marbo, but didn't know where he was.
The Daemon Sword Drach'nyen contains not a the bound essence of a howling warp entity, but the bound essence of a warp entity howling because it's scared of meeting sly marbo.
An eye is the symbol of Horus because Sly Marbo only left him 1.
To be a man in the 41st millenium is to be one amongst untold billions. Sly Marbo told billions more and they're no longer men.
The Astronomican is Sly Marbo's night-light.
Orks wear Gork and Mork pyjamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pyjamas.
The Orks hunger for endless warfare. Sly Marbo hungers for endless Orks.
The Adeptus Mechanicus wanted to name Terminator Armor after Sly Marbo, then realised it just wasn't tough enough.
Sly Marbo isn't behind you. You're in Sly Marbo's way.
The Catachan Devil is the deadliest animal on Catachan, because Sly Marbo is off-planet.
Sly Marbo isn't in the Imperial Guard, the Imperial Guard is around Sly Marbo.
The Black Library is full of arcane and deadly information, most of which can be found in this thread.
Sly Marbo doesn't produce sperm...he produces tiny white ninjas programmed to "Seek and Destroy"...also known as whiteSnotlings
Sly Marbo can beat all Gods of Chaos, The Emperor and his Primarchs, Khaine, all of the C'tan and the Hive Mind with a hand and without breaking a sweat.
He'd then die of laughter when challenged by CREEEEEEEEED!!!
There are no Death worlds, just worlds Sly Marbo doesn't like.
People say there are two lost legions, these are actually sly marbos right and left abs.
the emporer wasn't trained by Sly Marbo, he was trained by Sly Marbo's 15th Grandson who is only half as awesome.
The great secret of the dark anels is actually a dead skin cell of Sly Marbo and it is said that it with no outside help can defeat every member of the imperium past, present and future.
a semi truck, the offspring of this union was optimus prime.
