In line with the favourite movies thread, what do you think are the absolute worst films you have ever seen?
I hated Scary Movie. Seriously, what a load of bullcrap. Terrible sex humour and a half-assed attempt at black comedy just made this movie look like a half-assed, low-budget mess. I cannot believe that it got three sequels.
garret wrote:i saw it when i was a kid.
But anyway we really should get on track.
I think the movie G-force will end up being an insult to all 5 sense.
I notice that both movies you've mentioned are kid's movies. How about watching a real movie for once?
Yes it used to be that most kid movies were made so adults can enjoy also since there was also a deeper meaning to them with jokes that werent just cheap one liners.
But any way. Zyzzyx road
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyzzyx_Road
King Kong (The Peter Jackson version)
Batman (The Tim Burton version) and its sequels (Burton and Schumacher)
Superman Returns
The Matrix Revolutions (only Revolutions, not Reloaded)
Godzilla (The Devlin/Emmerich version)
Note: I look at movies as bad in a disappointing way. Some movies you expect to be bad and hence are not disappointing.
The Planet of the Apes remake (the one with Mark Wahlberg.)
King Kong (agree with you GoFenris)
The Godfather part 3
Jaws the revenge (maybe the worst movie ever)
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Nofasse 'Eadhunta wrote:
FITZZ wrote:
Nofasse 'Eadhunta wrote:Never too old for Spongebob. In fact, it's starting to be like some weird underwater Ren and Stimpy.
But one of the worst movies ever has to be Steel. Micheal Jordan can't act.
I belive that was Shaquill O'Neal who was in Steel...but yes it was an awful movie.
Whoever it was, it was the same guy who did Kazaam, which is also a horrible movie.
Yup,that was Shaq..he can't act and cant shoot free throws.
And to add to the worst movies list..30 Days of Night...my god that film was pure suckage.
FITZZ wrote: ... Jaws the revenge (maybe the worst movie ever)
This is great!!! I had it on my list but took it off because I knew it was gonna suck and it did. Although arguably it was still disappointing.
Planet of the Apes (remake) did suck pretty bad but I had really low expectations.
30 Days of Night didn't suck, per se, it was just really weak. Again, I had low expectations.
Alien 3 I kind of like (or, actually have grown to like) but a very unique thing regarding Alien and its sequels (I don't count AVP in this) is that they are all markedly different films.
Honorable Mention: AVP Requiem. I would say it sucked but I could never tell what was going on. We all thought the projectionist screwed up but the theater said it was correct. I didn't believe the theater and when I saw the DVD I realized the truth.
Also, I really hated parts of the LoTR trilogy. Thankfully much of it I like but some parts are really bad and painfully stand out as such.
GoFenris wrote:My top five in no particular order...
King Kong (The Peter Jackson version)
Batman (The Tim Burton version) and its sequels (Burton and Schumacher)
Superman Returns
The Matrix Revolutions (only Revolutions, not Reloaded)
Godzilla (The Devlin/Emmerich version)
Note: I look at movies as bad in a disappointing way. Some movies you expect to be bad and hence are not disappointing.
Batman? Seriously? Those are CLASSICS! Awesome movies!
Nofasse 'Eadhunta wrote:Never too old for Spongebob. In fact, it's starting to be like some weird underwater Ren and Stimpy.
But one of the worst movies ever has to be Steel. Micheal Jordan can't act.
That was actually the original purpose of spongebob. It was made by the same people who did Ren & Stimpy, and was supposed to be the same kinda thing, but kids started enjoying it and noone seemed to realise it was targetted at an older (yet less mature) audience, and the show was changed to reflect this.
garret wrote:Yes it used to be that most kid movies were made so adults can enjoy also since there was also a deeper meaning to them with jokes that werent just cheap one liners.
Nah, it's just that we think about the older kid's movies we remember the ones that had fun bits for adults and forget about the simpler ones. If you consider the stuff being put out by Pixar right now I'd argue kid's films are particularly strong right now.
Meanwhile, y'all don't know nothing about bad films, picking on mainstream stuff blockbusters and the like. Sure, most of the stuff listed here isn't very good and quite a big waste of money, but once you've seen Zardos, Manos - The Hands of Fate, Synchronicity... then suddenly Matrix 3 and Battlefield Earth don't look so awful.
Actually, that's going too far... Battlefield Earth is still is about as awful as movies can be.
Come on guys is that the best you can do??? Those movies are oscar winners compared to the following.
Disaster Movie Love Guru Don't mess with Zohan Delta farce Empire (Andy Warhol something like 13 hours long, one static shot of the empire state building...thats it.)(Back in collage my teacher gave anyone who could sit threw the entire move...awake an A on the next test if they could make it. Seriously that hard to do!!) Jack Frost (Both of them but mostly the killer snow man one.)
And the worst movie ever made...Legend of the Roller blade 7!!!
Orkeosaurus wrote:Let's not forget Turkish Star Wars. And the Star Wars Holiday Special. And Inquisitor.
Star Wars Holiday Special is about one of the funniest things I have ever seen. It is hilarious! Of course its not meant to be, but hey. I own it on DVD and it is frightening(ly funny). It has Chewbacca's dad (that's right, Chewie's dad) engaging in cyber-sex among other things. It also has Art Carney as a rebel sympathizer! C'mon, classic!!!
...and yes, Tim Burton's Batman is terrible. I can understand of you were young and that was your first real experience with Batman. But that movie is crap. Batman uses guns and missiles in an offensive manner? Are you kidding? CRAP!
What's wrong with the first two Batman films? I love the Dark Knight but I think Batman and Batman Returns are great films, but for different reasons than the Dark Knight of course. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin are total crap though.
What's wrong with Peter Jackson's King Kong? I thought it was a pretty good pulp adventure movie, something you don't see much of anymore.
Oh, and please do tell which parts from Lord of the Rings that you thought sucked. I always like hearing about that.
I can think of a lot of movies that are bad, but I'm struggling to pick a few that I would say are the worst ever.
Hordini wrote:What's wrong with the first two Batman films? I love the Dark Knight but I think Batman and Batman Returns are great films, but for different reasons than the Dark Knight of course. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin are total crap though.
What's wrong with Peter Jackson's King Kong? I thought it was a pretty good pulp adventure movie, something you don't see much of anymore.
Oh, and please do tell which parts from Lord of the Rings that you thought sucked. I always like hearing about that.
I can think of a lot of movies that are bad, but I'm struggling to pick a few that I would say are the worst ever.
Don't worry Hordini you have a wing-man here .
Lord of the rings for the simple epic pwnage of it all, Peter Jackson is pure win! I wasn't a huge fan of King-Kong, but it wasn't a bad movie. I am a big fan of PJ's () earliest work, and it simply wrex any of his new stuff more me, personal taste I guess.
The first two Batman films are the best in the series for me, the new ones almost get on my nerves with the pretentiousness of it all. I like a sort of cheesy batman, and if you HAVE to make him dark, make him the anti-christ ffs. He needs to really mean business, regardless of the nonsense, that is Batman at his finest. I suppose the newest Batman comes the closest to what I envision, but the Joker and Two-face just bug me. I know everyone LOVED the joker... (think about that one for a second though)... but I think it was hype. The Joker was like a confused cross dressing version of Beetlegeuse, and I like BG better quite frankly. The Joker was just some messed up dude that liked to cut himself, nothing I haven't seen before in real life, and that was the problem I had with the instant acceptance of a character that was realistically sickening. Anyway...
"Note"
On a side note, that Joker role could have been the reason that Heath Ledger (who was a fantastic actor, and many will miss him) died, and I think that it is something to note. Do I really want to see these things that plague humankind in real life? When did the media get so engrossed in the grit of everyday life, and how is this not effecting society on a whole? Marketing psychic shows that feign proof while actually abusing people are the epitome of what should not be on TV, yet you see this false proof in nearly everything now.
Don't take this too literally, and definitely don't take it as a vote for censorship, we have far too much of that already.
Sorry but most of the answers on here are terrible.
300? Watchmen? Superman Returns? Transformers 2?Quantum of Solace?
Disappointing, overrated or flawed may be appropriate descriptions for some of these flicks, but non of them are anywhere near ‘worst movie ever’, and describing them as such is just hyperbole. If these truly are the worst movies you ever see then count yourselves lucky.
Jaws: The Revenge
Batman and Robin
Scary Movie 2
Disaster/Epic Movie/Meet the Spartans
Charlie’s Angels 2
Superman 4
I'll heartily agree with you that the line of Scary/Disaster/Epic/Spartans is awful. Those writers should have been sacked a long time ago. It might just be me, but a lot of American comedies that I see nowadays are just really, really bad. I suppose it might be because they're meant to appeal to young adults/college-age Americans, and I have to say that having been raised with a sense of humour fired by Monty Python, Red Dwarf, and other British comedies has dulled my impression of modern comedy a lot.
LuciusAR wrote:Disappointing, overrated or flawed may be appropriate descriptions for some of these flicks, but non of them are anywhere near ‘worst movie ever’, and describing them as such is just hyperbole. If these truly are the worst movies you ever see then count yourselves lucky.
Fair enough, they just stuck in my mind. I change my vote to: Bloodrayne
Hordini wrote:What's wrong with Peter Jackson's King Kong? I thought it was a pretty good pulp adventure movie, something you don't see much of anymore.
Oh, and please do tell which parts from Lord of the Rings that you thought sucked. I always like hearing about that.
1. PJ's King Kong. What's wrong with it? over 3 hours and they only get to the fething monkey around 30 minutes from the end. I paid to see a giant fething monkey, not 2 1/2 hours of filler.
2. LoTR? Hobbits. Elves. Magic swords. Dodgy special effects. Oh, and can we say "get to the fething point!" - I don't need to see a trek across the mountains in real time when NOTHING happens there anyway. Pacing. It had none.
PJ is responsible for the best 13 or so hours of sleep I've ever had. I've attended all 8 of his movies at a cinema. I slept through the last 4.
Xav wrote:Probaly Alien 3 it sucked, but the next one Alien ressurection wasnt half bad.
What the have you been smoking?!?!?! I'll assume that's a typo and the film titles were meant to be in the other order.
Alien 3 was brilliant, it is one of those films that grows on you the more you watch it. I would say it's my favourite, but all three (I know there's four, but I'll get to that in a minute) are different styles of film so it's hard to pick one out. I really like the human element, Charles Dance's character being my personal fav, and the idea of some of the hardened criminals finding redemption (of a sort) through the situation which arose with the Alien. I only said three films as I am a huge fan of the series and I refuse to acknowledge Alien Resurrection. As much as I love Ron Pearlman, the film is poorly written, poorly acted and just craps on all that has gone before it. Plus what the were they thinking with the hybrid alien at the end?
So I guess Alien Resurrection would have to be one of my worst films ever. Another choice of mine would be Starship Troopers 2, I bought it from a bargin bin ages ago and in the end threw it in the bin. I couldn't give it away for free!
Cheese Elemental wrote:It's a kid's animated movie, garret. It doesn't need a plot or any serious themes.
Besides, you're a bit old for Spongebob.
Both are true statements
Automatically Appended Next Post: Movies I saw voluntarily
Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer
Hannibal
Alexander
Heaven's Gate
Phantasm
Movies I was forced to see:
Fried Green Tomatoes (Oh the humanity!!!)
The Spirit
Cold Mountain
The raping of Indiana Jones er sorry Indiana Jones and Crystal Skull
Did we actually have to see it? If not:
Mamma Mia.
every Friday the 13th movie ever made.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Oh how could I forget. Howard the Duck. I died a little for the 7 miutes I watched it on cable.
Hordini wrote:What's wrong with the first two Batman films? I love the Dark Knight but I think Batman and Batman Returns are great films, but for different reasons than the Dark Knight of course. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin are total crap though.
What's wrong with Peter Jackson's King Kong? I thought it was a pretty good pulp adventure movie, something you don't see much of anymore.
Oh, and please do tell which parts from Lord of the Rings that you thought sucked. I always like hearing about that.
I can think of a lot of movies that are bad, but I'm struggling to pick a few that I would say are the worst ever.
Wrexasaur wrote:Don't worry Hordini you have a wing-man here .
Lord of the rings for the...
...Batman films are the best in the series for me, the new ones almost get on my nerves with the pretentiousness...
From the beginning of Burton's Batman film, I felt like something was off. It's been a while so I can't remember exactly how I felt other than it was just a little off. Maybe it was too much fairy tale and not enough reality (yeah, I know, it is fiction), maybe the look, the actor, I don't know exactly, it just wasn't one thing. When the two Machine Guns popped out of the Batmobile the film began to lose me. When missiles popped out of the Batplane and he fired them at the Joker I almost left the theater. Where were any detective aspects of Batman in these films (although they were probably there, I don't remember them)? I also didn't like that the movie really wasn't about Batman it was much more about a too old Nicholson's Joker.
As the movies progressed they got bigger, crazier and crappier (for me) and every villain seemed to be imitating Nicholson (whom I didn't think was bad as the Joker, just too old and fat and not athletic enough).
Note: Oddly enough I actually like Kilmer as Batman in 'Forever' (I know, I've heard it before). Don't misunderstand, the movie was overblown and crappy but Kilmer seemed to 'get' how bad and cheesy it was because he seems to be doing an impersonation of Adam West for most of the film.
I also like the newer Batman films but I do agree (to some extent) only because they are the 'closest' to what I envision of the character. I am not 'ga-ga' over them, though. I liked Ledger's Joker but I think it still missed some of Nicholson's aspects actually.
King Kong: His combination of ridiculously over-the-top action (so much so I was bored by it) and his way too serious take on the Kong/Girl relationship was just not good. The film was long, over-hyped and pompous. Also, I really didn't want to see a giant silver-backed gorilla, I wanted to see something else not just an animal I had already seen a LOT of in zoos, on Discovery, that Sigourney Weaver movie, etc. albeit in huge proportions. PJ seemed to try to blend a serious drama with an action-adventure movie by remaking the original (and one of the best) action-adventures ever. It did not work for me. Also, I always wanted to time it but never wanted to sit through the film again but didn't it take like three solid minutes for Kong to actually fall off the top of the Empire State Building? Yawn, just yawn.
Many of these LoTR points are comparisons to the book and yes, I know what kind of ire that will cause, but you asked...
LoTR: Army of the Dead = Deus Ex Machina, 'nuff said.
Faramir - Fundamentally changed from the book. He became a MUCH less noble person in the movie, and hence, pretty dull.
Samwise - He took the ring for himself only to realize how evil it was and denied it (Tolkien's statement on nobility coming from anyone). Where was this scene?
Legolas - Sliding down an Oliphant trunk. What? Just, wha- what? Gimli - Too much used as comedy relief. Gimli and Legolas were equals and became great friends. Much of this is missing.
PJ's too often signature 'Eye rolling' action sequence. FotR: Breaking steps, TT: Shield Slide, RotK: Aforementioned Legolas trunk slide.
I didn't like the way PJ handled his over-long multiple denouement. Yawn. Where was the scouring of the Shire? The Hobbits never got to come full circle as characters. Back to the multiple denouements. Too much forced weepiness for me. I understand what he was trying to do but I thought PJ (through his use of music and mood) tried to 'tell' us how we should feel instead of opening it up a bit for interpretation (if that makes sense). I felt a more talented filmmaker would have backed off a bit.
Before uninformed others respond in the obigatory, "You're so full of crap..." posts. Please understand a few points:
I was asked what I didn't like about these movies. (if even with a )
I do enjoy LoTR. These are just some particulars that didn't work for me.
These are my opinions and not yours.
Babel. A massively arrogant, pretentious glimpse into the lives of the least sympathetic characters on earth. Depressing gak.
Inland Empire. 3 hours of incoherent drivel, white noise and it's all 'art' apparently. Lynch at his worst.
10,000 BC. W.T.F.... terrible 'mammoth in pyramid building exposé'... my eyezzzzzzz
Indiana Jones and the Crystal skull hokum. Please.Stop.Raping.My.Childhood....(hmm, Blanchett with black bobbed hair and a dodgy Russian accent was hot tho...)
The 3 Starwars Prequels. George Locust should never have been introduced to blue rooms...
BrookM wrote:Opinions Lucius, opinions. From mars with a telescope no less.
Fixed that for you.
MeanGreenStompa wrote:Indiana Jones and the Crystal skull hokum. Please.Stop.Raping.My.Childhood....(hmm, Blanchett with black bobbed hair and a dodgy Russian accent was hot tho...)
Yes, this movie was a total slap in the face to the trilogy, thank god quadrilogy just sounds stupid, a sign of the times you could say.
The scene that made me nearly burn the movie before returning it just to save someone the torture of sitting through it in the future was:
The jungle car fight... thing. NOTHING could have been worse than this, they might as well been sitting on chairs pretending to drive the cars, AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL OMG MY EYES OMG NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
MeanGreenStompa wrote:Inland Empire. 3 hours of incoherent drivel, white noise and it's all 'art' apparently. Lynch at his worst.
You were unimpressed with a Lynch film because it was incoherent?!? Mrs Spiggott loes 'em, I won't watch anything except Dune.
Ah, well I've liked lots of Lynch's stuff, Blue Velvet and most especially Wild at Heart, but Inland Empire played for 3 hours of 'this is art, you wouldn't understand, now nod along with everyone else and say how deep and amazing it was and people will think you're cultured' emperor's new clothes bs, and at 3 hours long, it drove me to my limits of patience, when it finished it was like taking a breath of air after being held under very dirty water for too long. I watched it with a total Lynch nut and he also agreed it was 'kinda heavy'...
Pretentious.
BTW George, is that Avatar of yours Molly Millions from the Gibson books?
I don't want to take part in a longer argument about now (don't want to de-rail the thread), LotR, PJ's King Kong and Burton's Batman are among my favourite movies.
Back on topic:
A friend of mine recently made me watch dumb & dumber. I saw it once years and years ago, so I didn't remember much of it. And I really like Jim Carrey. Ace Ventura, the Mask, Truman Show, you just can't denie the man has talent.
But damn, Dumb & Dumber must've been the worst movie I've seen in years! Every single scene made me grown in pain. And Carrey isn't even funny. It's like he's not even trying.
btw. I've never seen Cable Guy.
I'll just go top 5 that I've seen:
*House of the Dead
*Arlington Road
*Silent Hill
*Doom
*Batman & Robin
There are of course those special movies that I will never, ever see (excluding viewings while intoxicated).
*Any Uwe Boll movie (House of the Dead was enough for me, thank you)
*Scary Movie 5+ and Disaster/Spartan/Derpa derpa doo movies by the Waylan bros or whoever. You seriously think that just because you cast Carmen Electra in a movie we're going to watch it.
*Animated/kid spy movies (G-Force, Spy Kids, etc...)
*Anything that has the Sci-Fi Channel tag. If it's crappy enough to have its premier on the Sci-Fi Channel, it's too fecal-like for my tastes.
Anung Un Rama wrote:
btw. I've never seen Cable Guy.
I highly recommend it regardless of it's shortcomings, it is genuinely creepy and slightly disturbing, hence me wanting to see Jim Carrey REALLY play a villian. I think he was pretty good in the long named movie for kids (yes... that was the name alright) where he played a Scrooges cousin, but it was the long named movie for kids, and a bit meh because of it.
Take out the kids, and add a anarchistic cult with surreal dreams of toppling society and you got yourself a throne prepped and ready for a master. I really hope he decides to do something like this, and if I had a chance I would request/ask it of him as a big fan. You don't have to use anarchists BTW, but it most definitely has to be sickeningly and comically surreal with a subtle nuance of madness and a slight dash of insanity.
A spin on Fight Club could work quite well, but with a bit more WRONG! and a bit less I AM SO RIGHT IT! (yeah... AND insane). I can only imagine how cool a movie that could be.
Who could direct that movie? Could Tim Burton do it? I think he could! Oh man I am salivating at the thought of a movie on a scale of these proportions!!! OMFGTRRRHHHDDFGGGSSSBBBBBBTTTTTTTBBBPPPHHHHHHhthtTTTtttt....
Anung Un Rama wrote:
btw. I've never seen Cable Guy.
I highly recommend it regardless of it's shortcomings, it is genuinely creepy and slightly disturbing, hence me wanting to see Jim Carrey REALLY play a villian. I think he was pretty good in the long named movie for kids (yes... that was the name alright) where he played a Scrooges cousin, but it was the long named movie for kids, and a bit meh because of it.
I thought "Lemony Snicket's a Series of unfortunate Events" was a pretty good movie. Though Carrey was indeed the best thing about it.
And as bad as the movie itself was, I really enjoyed Carrey as the Riddler in Batman Forever. Well, except that whole brainwashing plot, that was stupid.
John Carpenter's Vampires was an absolute abortion of a film, especially considering how fantastic the John Steakley novel of the same name is. I think it may be the only movie I ever walked out on...
The Chronicles of Riddick was another disaster...it tried so hard to be epic and instead was comical with a nonsensical plot.
Again I have to side with MGS. Hokey as hell but humorous and fun in a light hearted way. Any film with a Kung Fu pulling out two chromed peacemakers old west style has a lot going for it...
10,000 BC, or whatever that pile of crap was called.
I walked out in the middle of the last 'battle', but I was immediatley aware of how much the movie was going to suck.
Yeah, that movie makes perfect sense, a whole bunch of neanderthals....With perfect teeth, awesome dreds, clean smooth skin, and almost no body hair......
I don't want to get in to the acting, setting, or 'plot'
The casting alone was enough to make it apparent that this movie was made by morons.
Mazes and monsters... a fundamentalist Christian sect funded movie about the terrifying dangers of playing D&D... and it's got that nasal whining bastard 'Ross' from Friends in it...
Must.destroy.world...too much rolling many-sided diceeeee....
MeanGreenStompa wrote:Some recent ones that spring to mind:
Babel. A massively arrogant, pretentious glimpse into the lives of the least sympathetic characters on earth. Depressing gak.
Really?
A guy and his wife trying to work through their problems on holiday, when she is shot and is bleeding out while he deals with local doctors and bureaucracy? A couple of young boys doing one thing without thinking, and then watching it get bigger and bigger as government officials full of anti-terrorism gusto never stop to try and figure out what's actually happened.
I didn't like the movie that much (what was with the Japanese story? why not spend that time dealing with difficulty of international relations, which would be closer to the other stories and actually relevant to the theme) but I don't think the issue was unsympathetic characters.
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George Spiggott wrote:You were unimpressed with a Lynch film because it was incoherent?!? Mrs Spiggott loves 'em, I won't watch anything except Dune.
Lynch films generally have themes that come through in interesting ways despite, or perhaps because, there being no coherent narrative. I don't think Inland Empire achieved that. I really have no idea and no interest in what Lynch was getting at with that movie.
And yeah, I've seen Manos: Hands of Fate. Well, I sat there while it was on. The first twenty minutes are numbing, and you stop being able to talk while its on, or keep your concentration or focus. I remember less about that movie than films I watched at two in the morning while absolutely off my face. I do remember staring around the room, and being able to focus longer on furniture and the corners of the room than I could on that film.
But it wasn't as bad Battlefield Earth. Manos is boring, incredibly boring. But Battlefield Earth is so incomprehensible I started wondering if I'd forgotten how to watch movies.
Wrexasaur wrote:It was just depressing really.... Babel that is.
True. It was also kind of pointless, and kept off-screen the events that the film was supposed to be about - the failure of communication. I'm not saying it was good, but the unsympathetic characters comment puzzled me.
It also definitely doesn't belong on this list. There are movie like Manos that are actually more boring than turning the TV off and staring at the blank screen. There are movies that are created to fulfill weird, horrible fantasies, like any of the recent torture porn movies. There are movies that are so incompetently made they end up incomprehensible, like Battlefield Earth or Myra Breckenridge. Babel doesn't belong with those movies.
Wrexasaur wrote:It was just depressing really.... Babel that is.
True. It was also kind of pointless, and kept off-screen the events that the film was supposed to be about - the failure of communication. I'm not saying it was good, but the unsympathetic characters comment puzzled me.
It also definitely doesn't belong on this list.
So it's depressing, pointless, didn't show any of the things it should have, it wasn't good but it can't be on the list?
The characters were desperately unsympathetic, the racist elitist yuppies turning their noses up at the few people trying to help them, dumping their kids with 'the help' to piss off to some desert to point and take pictures of very poor people and complain about everything there, then scream about how inadequate everything was in the filthy little place they had gone to stare and take pictures of was when they had to call on the same misearable resources the locals had to tolerate.
It was a bleak and misearable movie and it kept an arrogant 'highbrow' attitude about it. I hated it with a vengence and I stand by the decision to put it here. If I wanted to feel like I felt after watching it, I would have saved time by lying down on the ground outside a kebab shop at kicking out time and asking the chavs to start kicking.
The fact that I am even considering watching it again, simply to review it, is more than proof enough for me that it is most definitely not one of the worst movies of all time.
Here is a very good list to give you a general idea of what the worst movies could actually be, and IMDb has a pretty decent reputation of having unbiased polls.
These are all probably ALL terrible films, but saying top 100 is pretty broad, you might as well include nearly every crappy horror film ever made just by default, and as far as I know that could be more than 100 films right there.
They aren't worthy of the original trilogy at all. The dialogue between the federation droids is utterly moronic, and there is large quantities of cheese in all of them.
Another thing, if the clone troopers were cloned then why do they have a New Zealand accent? Sorry if I'm splitting hairs.
Saw it on MST3K,horible movie,but then ALL the films on MST3K are awful,that's what makes them funny.
As did I - in fact, watching it on MST3K is the only way I could tolerate watching Manos beginning to end.
Here's one that I'm surprised to see missing until now - The Isle of Dr. Moreau (with Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer). Horrid. I can't believe I paid money to see this one.
Listen you, not only was mila 'leelomultipass' jovovich in that, the second one had that other insanely hot looking lass playing Jill Valentine. It had zombies, zombie dogs, lickers in a church. It wasn't 7samurai but it was watchable with a beer and a packet of peanuts.
Seriously though, the big mutant with a chain-gun is going to be coralled into a circle of nameless guards so that he can fight a chick? IMHO I think Mila's kind of hot, but she needs to go up to at least a small C-Cup before she's going to be mandatory viewing for me.
Seriously though, the big mutant with a chain-gun is going to be coralled into a circle of nameless guards so that he can fight a chick? IMHO I think Mila's kind of hot, but she needs to go up to at least a small C-Cup before she's going to be mandatory viewing for me.
MeanGreenStompa wrote:Mazes and monsters... a fundamentalist Christian sect funded movie about the terrifying dangers of playing D&D... and it's got that nasal whining bastard 'Ross' from Friends in it...
Must.destroy.world...too much rolling many-sided diceeeee....
Wait,was this the same movie that had Tom Hanks in it?in the one I remember Tom Hanks loses all touch with reality,begins to belive he is a monk (or some such character),ends up stabing some guys that try to mug him (because he thinks they are orks),and ends up totaly nuts.
I remember this movie from the early 80's,but don't recall if it was "mazes and Monsters".
I can beat this thread and anyone that disagrees needs to try and rent it, and then enjoy the brain melt that will follow.
Naked Lunch.
It has the guy that played Robocop. and it will leave you feeling like you were raped in prison, but the only inmate in there with you, is this movie
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Frazzled wrote:Again I have to side with MGS. Hokey as hell but humorous and fun in a light hearted way. Any film with a Kung Fu pulling out two chromed peacemakers old west style has a lot going for it...
That also made my brain stop. Seriously that movie is GREAT!
"You look that big guy strait in the eyes and tell him what ol Jack Burton always says..... the check is in the mail"
Oh come on, Waterworld has some cool moments. It is certainly not the worst movie ever, even if you're not into Post-Apocalypse stuff - although I admit Waterworld isn't that great either. The Postman, on the other hand, I thought was quite good.
And the Clone Army in the Star Wars prequels: They all spoke with the same accent because that's the accent that Jango Fett, the original cloned specimen had, and he taught and trained them. They also had his exact same voice box. Of course they would all sound like him.
I loathed Phantom Menace,between Jarjar and the little kid that played Anikin it made my skin crawl,the other 2 wern't that bad,not great,but watchable.
Of course the character of Anikin was played so damn angsty I half expected him to start cutting himself with his lightsaber.
FITZZ wrote:
Wait,was this the same movie that had Tom Hanks in it?in the one I remember Tom Hanks loses all touch with reality,begins to belive he is a monk (or some such character),ends up stabing some guys that try to mug him (because he thinks they are orks),and ends up totaly nuts.
I remember this movie from the early 80's,but don't recall if it was "mazes and Monsters".
I actually watched this with my Grandmother back in the day and she criticized the hell out of it. I thought she was funny and only played the game more.
KingCracker wrote:I can beat this thread and anyone that disagrees needs to try and rent it, and then enjoy the brain melt that will follow.
Naked Lunch.
It has the guy that played Robocop. and it will leave you feeling like you were raped in prison, but the only inmate in there with you, is this movie
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Frazzled wrote:Again I have to side with MGS. Hokey as hell but humorous and fun in a light hearted way. Any film with a Kung Fu pulling out two chromed peacemakers old west style has a lot going for it...
That also made my brain stop. Seriously that movie is GREAT!
"You look that big guy strait in the eyes and tell him what ol Jack Burton always says..... the check is in the mail"
I'm sorry my friend I can't agree with you. It had a Typewriter that turned into a bug. You really can't beat that. Plus it had Officer Murphy.
Don't forget it is also directed by David Cronenberg and yeah, I agree. Naked Lunch was weird as all hell but not 'bad' per se. And I like weird. It is also NOT really an adaptation of the book.
Besides, who doesn't like the idea of two buddies hanging out in a bar...
1: Meet the Spartans: I got bored of it within the first few minutes
2: The International: You would only enjoy this if you are a middle age businessman with no taste in movies, no offence intended for anyone who enjoyed it. (I think some people agree with this as I got an A* in English for writing a very negative review about this film)
3: The Day The Earth Stood Still: Not so much as a bad film, but certain aspects of it were just dull, especially the ending
darkkt wrote:Cable Guy, the only film I every seriously considered walking out on.
I should smite thee for saying this. That is quite possibly one of the best movies ever...
Wrexasaur wrote:Awww, I actually liked that movie Darkkt .
It wasn't that funny but I am a pretty big fan of Jim Carrey in general, and I actually wished he would play a serious villain for once.
"Gotta love bein' bad!"
And actually if you want to see a movie with him thats serious you should see "number 23" i think its called. Its not a comedy at all and hes sort of a villian. Its also a good move :O
As for a horrid movie im surprised no one has mentioned dragonball: evolution
I knew it was going to bad. Infact i went to see it in theaters just to see how bad it was...
Listen you, not only was mila 'leelodallasmultipass' jovovich in that, the second one had that other insanely hot looking lass playing Jill Valentine.
That other insanely hot looking lass is Sienna Guillory, who was also Helen of Troy in one of the movies about Troy and/or Helen. She while very hot is also partly responsible for the movie trying to ruin the character of Jill Valentine, my favorite female game character, and for trying to ruin RE.
That aside, it was not as bad a the Third movie which I most defiantly did not pay good money to see >.>
But yes, just watching the movie for Mila and Sienna is acceptable.
Listen you, not only was mila 'leelodallasmultipass' jovovich in that, the second one had that other insanely hot looking lass playing Jill Valentine.
That other insanely hot looking lass is Sienna Guillory, who was also Helen of Troy in one of the movies about Troy and/or Helen. She while very hot is also partly responsible for the movie trying to ruin the character of Jill Valentine, my favorite female game character, and for trying to ruin RE.
That aside, it was not as bad a the Third movie which I most defiantly did not pay good money to see >.>
But yes, just watching the movie for Mila and Sienna is acceptable.
Agreed,I would watch a movie if all it consisted of was Mila Jovovich reading the phone book,but let's not forget,Resident Evil 2 had zombies,and for me any film with zombies is worth a look...hell,I've watched "Children shouldn't play with dead things" six times,and that movie is just awful.
FITZZ wrote:Agreed,I would watch a movie if all it consisted of was Mila Jovovich reading the phone book,but let's not forget,Resident Evil 2 had zombies,and for me any film with zombies is worth a look...hell,I've watched "Children shouldn't play with dead things" six times,and that movie is just awful.
QFT, twice!!! Zombies and Milla automatically jumps that movie to a 6 and I hated that flick but will watch it every time its on Cable just cause its got zombies, Milla and the horrible acting of Sienna Guillory as Jill!
Watchmen. This was crap, if it wasn't trying to be so damn cool, it would've been funny, but between wannabe psycotics, giant smiley faces in the middle of volcanoes, Roarshack tests made out of pools of blood,sex deprived glowing blue people, and flaming orgasms of death, the resulting stench of overdramatization left me gagging and on the floor begging for mercy.
Anotherr candidate is Alexander. This movie is utter crap and looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
yes it had 1 count it: 1 good battle scene (that one with the elephants does not count, it was just a very long slomo sequence) but the rest was a bunch of guys in bronze speedos trying to be manly.
Watchmen. This was crap, if it wasn't trying to be so damn cool, it would've been funny, but between wannabe psycotics, giant smiley faces in the middle of volcanoes, Roarshack tests made out of pools of blood,sex deprived glowing blue people, and flaming orgasms of death, the resulting stench of overdramatization left me gagging and on the floor begging for mercy.
Not an attack but a question, did you read the Graphic Novel?
FITZZ wrote:
"Children shouldn't play with dead things" six times,and that movie is just awful.
What the sacred feth is Children shouldn't play with dead things?
Watchmen. This was crap, if it wasn't trying to be so damn cool, it would've been funny, but between wannabe psycotics, giant smiley faces in the middle of volcanoes, Roarshack tests made out of pools of blood,sex deprived glowing blue people, and flaming orgasms of death, the resulting stench of overdramatization left me gagging and on the floor begging for mercy.
Not an attack but a question, did you read the Graphic Novel?
FITZZ wrote:
"Children shouldn't play with dead things" six times,and that movie is just awful.
What the sacred feth is Children shouldn't play with dead things?
BrotherStynier wrote:Oh, you're forgiven by me, I will enjoy every painful minute of it because I know I can get my friends to suffer by forcing them to watch later.
I like how you think BrotherStynier ,in fact here are a few other "great" films your friends might enjoy The flesh eaters.
Night of the lepus
kingdom of the spiders (staring William "Capt. Kirk" Shatner)
Food of the gods
After viewing theses "masterpieces" I'll be surprised if your friends still speak to you.
BrotherStynier wrote:Oh, you're forgiven by me, I will enjoy every painful minute of it because I know I can get my friends to suffer by forcing them to watch later.
I like how you think BrotherStynier ,in fact here are a few other "great" films your friends might enjoy The flesh eaters.
Night of the lepus
kingdom of the spiders (staring William "Capt. Kirk" Shatner)
Food of the gods
After viewing theses "masterpieces" I'll be surprised if your friends still speak to you.
Misery loves company, and I like seeing to it that she's happy.
I will save those names to my email and find them.
-Da Vince Code. SO crap. Worse storyline EVA!
-Watchmen. My 10-year-old bro watched that with me. I think he still has nightmares. We actually didn't expect it to turn out like it did. (Although a guy getting chucked out a window first scene should have been a little warning)
-Star Trek: Nemesis. The only good part was when the ship crashed. Never watching Trekkie films EVA again!
Angels and Demons, i literally was so pissed off at the end. It was horrible, im a big fan of both the books, and they couldnt even follow the basic stroyline.
I mean they missed out a CHARACTER. A pretty important one too! The WRONG BLOODY POPE WAS ELECTED! The Last Illiumintati Symbol was wrong!
Automatically Appended Next Post: The hassain was terrible.
Emperors Faithful wrote:
-Watchmen. My 10-year-old bro watched that with me. I think he still has nightmares. We actually didn't expect it to turn out like it did. (Although a guy getting chucked out a window first scene should have been a little warning)
BrotherStynier wrote:Oh, you're forgiven by me, I will enjoy every painful minute of it because I know I can get my friends to suffer by forcing them to watch later.
I like how you think BrotherStynier ,in fact here are a few other "great" films your friends might enjoy The flesh eaters.
Night of the lepus
kingdom of the spiders (staring William "Capt. Kirk" Shatner)
Food of the gods
After viewing theses "masterpieces" I'll be surprised if your friends still speak to you.
Misery loves company, and I like seeing to it that she's happy.
I will save those names to my email and find them.
BrotherStynier wrote:Oh, you're forgiven by me, I will enjoy every painful minute of it because I know I can get my friends to suffer by forcing them to watch later.
I like how you think BrotherStynier ,in fact here are a few other "great" films your friends might enjoy The flesh eaters.
Night of the lepus
kingdom of the spiders (staring William "Capt. Kirk" Shatner)
Food of the gods
After viewing theses "masterpieces" I'll be surprised if your friends still speak to you.
Misery loves company, and I like seeing to it that she's happy.
I will save those names to my email and find them.
How can you go wrong with a slogan like that,I mean that's right up there with "In space no one can hear you scream".
I'm definatly looking forward to watching it.
And now I'll leave you with this cinematic masterpiece.
Hey Alien could have easily ended up being one of these films had Fox not have loved it.
I was gonna try and be witty and leave an AVP trailer in response to Dracula vs Frankenstein, but then after watching the trailer all the way, through had a change of heart.
They Live is a classic!!!! Yes it deserves to be on a bad movie list. But it just brings back memories. Hard to watch out of context. It was a generational thing. I had my wife watch big trouble in little china. She is the same age as me and thought she might appreciate it. WOW was I wrong. She is Japanese and came here 7 years ago. It is a big time had to grow up with it, kind of thing. Classic line from "They Live" - I have come to chew bubble gum and kick a , and I'm all out of bubble gum. Roddy rocks!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but I preferred 'The Thing'.
And 'Big Trouble in Little China' is great. My dad made me watch all of the movies mentioned in the post when I was growing up, okay didn't make but you get the picture.
The thing is a classic GOOD movie. They live is complete trash but with heart. Low budget, bad acting, inventive but semi silly plot and seeing roddy act was a gift back then. But it takes as certain type of person to enjoy They Live. I would not recommend it to anyone ever!! But could talk about it for hours with someone and watch it over and over. Cult classic but not a REAL classic. We are on the same page it seems BrotherStynier.
The status of The Thing is really up to many people who have seen it, and sadly many people my age, have not seen that movie. While it is a good movie, I feel it probably falls more into Cult status.
They Live was the source of inspiration for much of Duke Nukem, from the line mainly associated with him "Kick ass and Chew bubble gum, to him being a Blond Muscled dude in tight blue jeans and a red shirt wielding a shotgun. It sad to see many people not pay credit to They Live for those things.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't They Live partially a crack at how the US had started wasting it money on trivial things, and doing what the Corporations wanted?
In its genera The Thing would be a classic. In general, given its age, it is probally now a cult classic but I would say that transition is pretty new for it. I think your view of They Live is pretty close to what they were going for, I think.
So The Thing is in its transitional phase. Well it does seem that way with all the Billboards and everything saying, buy this, do that.
Speaking of Classic movies, the are lots of people my age who when I met them in High School had never seen a John Wayne movie in their life, and one person a girl I liked at the time had never seen any of the Star Wars movies.
Speaking of John Wayne, sadly enough he does get a movie on this list.
The Conqueror, where the Duke played Genghis Khan, its also the movie that is attributed as being responsible for his death. They filmed near some nuke test sites and he and several crew members got cancer from it (His Lung cancer from smoking had already been stopped).
...shooting pregnant women?
Getting a pity f%£$ by a glowing blue dude?
By the time I realised how bad the thing was it was too late and my brother was wondering WTF was going on. I really tried to fast forward the grizzly parts, I swear (he insisted on continuing) but the part where they saw of the cons arms? It happened to quickly. My little bro isn't doing too well now.
Pretty much everything you just listed was in the Graphic novel, including the shooting of the pregnant woman, it actually serves an important purpose by showing the Dr. Manhattan is becoming more and more detached from humanity.
BrotherStynier wrote:Pretty much everything you just listed was in the Graphic novel, including the shooting of the pregnant woman, it actually serves an important purpose by showing the Dr. Manhattan is becoming more and more detached from humanity.
QFT!
And the bit with the Saw and the Arms is about illustrating that flawed as they are, The Watchmen are almost definitely the good guys in the grand scheme of things, as they keep extremely nasty pieces of work from the outside world. Their methods are necessarily harsh.
It's an Adult theme, I'm not surprised Kids get distrubed by it.
Currently Van Helsing is on the TV. I remember finding it boring the first time I watched it but quite frankly I'd forgotten just how terrible it was. Awful film.
And the bit with the Saw and the Arms is about illustrating that flawed as they are, The Watchmen are almost definitely the good guys in the grand scheme of things, as they keep extremely nasty pieces of work from the outside world. Their methods are necessarily harsh.
Have you read the comic? I ask because the idea that their methods are necessarily harsh was not Moore's point, in fact it was very far removed from Moore's point in the comic. In fact, the idea that it is a harsh world and needs the right people to be tough men who'll do the hard thing is exactly what Moore is challenging with the ending.
This isn't as clear in the film as it leaves out the Black Freighter narrative, which was understandable given the running length of the film, but did confuse the ideas of the film.
It's an Adult theme, I'm not surprised Kids get distrubed by it.
Yeah, it isn't suitable for ten year olds, but it wasn't meant to be for ten year olds so that can hardly be a point against the movie.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Wrexasaur wrote:
No I do not speak sarcasm, and this is one of the best movies of all time.
Sorry for being unclearly sarcastic...
Shark Attack 3 is one of the great bad movies. There's at least a dozen moments in that movie that are laugh out loud funny. It's worth it just for the greatest 'how about it baby' line of all time (not repeated here as its a little rude).
Actually, they gave Watchmen 3 hours, it could have been horribly crammed into 1hour20mins. I am a fan of the book and very much enjoyed the movie. It is for an adult audience by the way...not 10 year olds.
Here's one to take with a glass of water before bed... War of the World with Tom Cruise...or as it should have been known TOM CRUISE (with the occasional thing blowing up).
I fething hated that vehicle for his tiny evilness.
Emperors Faithful wrote:
-Watchmen. My 10-year-old bro watched that with me. I think he still has nightmares. We actually didn't expect it to turn out like it did. (Although a guy getting chucked out a window first scene should have been a little warning)
Didn't read the Graphic Novel did you?
Nor the certification apparently. Maybe now you'll know why they're on there. I found the Watchmen film quite average, only the slow-fast-slow fight scenes annoyed me.
War of the worlds annoyed me because it mreged the parson(?) and the artilleryman into one character. Was having three characters in the book too much for them? Also when you actually look at the origional work it isn't actually very good.
My little brother watched ALIENS, and while I was gaking myself, he LUAGHED. I was also deeply disturbed by the grim goryness of Watchmen, but I got the point of it. Very interesting towards the end, but basically crap for a lot of it.
And the bit with the Saw and the Arms is about illustrating that flawed as they are, The Watchmen are almost definitely the good guys in the grand scheme of things, as they keep extremely nasty pieces of work from the outside world. Their methods are necessarily harsh.
Have you read the comic? I ask because the idea that their methods are necessarily harsh was not Moore's point, in fact it was very far removed from Moore's point in the comic. In fact, the idea that it is a harsh world and needs the right people to be tough men who'll do the hard thing is exactly what Moore is challenging with the ending.
This isn't as clear in the film as it leaves out the Black Freighter narrative, which was understandable given the running length of the film, but did confuse the ideas of the film.
It's an Adult theme, I'm not surprised Kids get distrubed by it.
Yeah, it isn't suitable for ten year olds, but it wasn't meant to be for ten year olds so that can hardly be a point against the movie.
But other paints are made. You don't take a 10 year old to a hard R film, ever.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Wrexasaur wrote:
No I do not speak sarcasm, and this is one of the best movies of all time.
Sorry for being unclearly sarcastic...
Shark Attack 3 is one of the great bad movies. There's at least a dozen moments in that movie that are laugh out loud funny. It's worth it just for the greatest 'how about it baby' line of all time (not repeated here as its a little rude).
Whether or not it was a good comic book is irrelevant. We're talking bad movies here. Edit: that sounds more harsh than meant Sebbie. I should have said we're talking about movies on a standalone viewing basis, which may or may not translate well from the book. Also I agree that no one should ever take a 10 year old to a hard R movie. Seriously what were you thinking?
FITZZ wrote: kingdom of the spiders (staring William "Capt. Kirk" Shatner)
Oh ho ho! You need more Shat action! Try "The Devil's Rain" starring Shatner, Tom Skerritt, a really young John Travolta and Ernest Borgnine (that's scary by itself)! Satan cults in the desert! Eyeless cultists! Rain that turns them to goop! This is a must see for the bad movie lover.
Frazzled wrote:Whether or not it was a good comic book is irrelevant. We're talking bad movies here.
Edit: that sounds more harsh than meant Sebbie. I should have said we're talking about movies on a standalone viewing basis, which may or may not translate well from the book.
Wasn't harsh at all, don't worry about it. I mentioned the comic book only in reference to the themes as they were a lot clearer there, thanks to the parallel story of the Black Freighter. But the same themes are present in the movie, albeit a bit easier to miss if you weren't familiar with the comic book.
But I will agree that despite the merits of comic it isn't a great movie. It is basically two and a half hours of exposition, a couple of fight scenes and a big anti-climax. Which worked in the comic book because it's a very different medium, but not in the movie. But I don't think that makes it one of the worst movies of all time. I mean we're talking about a list that includes works like Actium Maximus.
Frazzled wrote: Also I agree that no one should ever take a 10 year old to a hard R movie. Seriously what were you thinking?
Hey! He chose it from the video store, I SWEAR! I'd seen the adds and they weren't so bad, and I never even LOOKED at the ratings of the movies my bro gets out. It wasn't feaking SAW or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it was a movie about Superheroes!
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Khornholio wrote:
Star Wars III - NOOOOOOOO thank you.
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Oh and Episode V was the best Star Wars.
What are you guys talking about?
There are only 2 Star Wars movies:
1. Star Wars, in which Han shoots first
2. Empire Strikes Back, in which Han becomes a popsicle.
Khornholio wrote:
Star Wars III - NOOOOOOOO thank you.
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Oh and Episode V was the best Star Wars.
What are you guys talking about?
There are only 2 Star Wars movies:
1. Star Wars, in which Han shoots first
2. Empire Strikes Back, in which Han becomes a popsicle.
After ESB, there are no other Star Wars movies.
Ah contraire ROTJ was Star Wars worthy if you go get a drink during the fuzzies portions. DVD fast forward makes it all worthy.
Khornholio wrote:
Star Wars III - NOOOOOOOO thank you.
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Oh and Episode V was the best Star Wars.
What are you guys talking about?
There are only 2 Star Wars movies:
1. Star Wars, in which Han shoots first
2. Empire Strikes Back, in which Han becomes a popsicle.
After ESB, there are no other Star Wars movies.
Ah contraire ROTJ was Star Wars worthy if you go get a drink during the fuzzies portions. DVD fast forward makes it all worthy.
I don't know Frazz, I think I might have to agree with John on this one... I mean the fuzzies taking on a Legion of the Emperor's best men and winning?
As long as we're talking about the original theatrical trilogy, I feel there are three Star Wars films. I just justify the fuzzie victory to the Emperor's exceedingly arrogant belief that the rebels didn't stand a chance so he sent his worst training/remedial legions of his "special" Stormtroopers from the clone reject bin to help 'train them up' so to speak. Since the Emperor was also cutting costs (Y'know that second Death Star was never in the budget), he had to use what was available and his Clone batches were pretty diluted by this time anyway, y'know, copy of a copy of a copy of a.... And it was known the Stormtroopers were clones even way back then. Hey, I gotta make it work in my mind somehow.
Khornholio wrote:
Star Wars III - NOOOOOOOO thank you.
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Oh and Episode V was the best Star Wars.
What are you guys talking about?
There are only 2 Star Wars movies:
1. Star Wars, in which Han shoots first
2. Empire Strikes Back, in which Han becomes a popsicle.
After ESB, there are no other Star Wars movies.
Ah contraire ROTJ was Star Wars worthy if you go get a drink during the fuzzies portions. DVD fast forward makes it all worthy.
I don't know Frazz, I think I might have to agree with John on this one... I mean the fuzzies taking on a Legion of the Emperor's best men and winning?
Then again, VI does give us ITS A TRAP....
Agreed, but thats why God invented fast forward. The Tatooine and Death Star II scenes are worthy additions.
Frazzled wrote:Agreed, but thats why God invented fast forward. The Tatooine and Death Star II scenes are worthy additions.
Well, with that logic if you simply hit skip scene on the Star Wars Episode II DVD (Y'know, just skip any scene in which Anakin and Padme are alone together) Episode II isn't half bad.
Khornholio wrote:
Star Wars III - NOOOOOOOO thank you.
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Oh and Episode V was the best Star Wars.
What are you guys talking about?
There are only 2 Star Wars movies:
1. Star Wars, in which Han shoots first
2. Empire Strikes Back, in which Han becomes a popsicle.
After ESB, there are no other Star Wars movies.
Ah contraire ROTJ was Star Wars worthy if you go get a drink during the fuzzies portions. DVD fast forward makes it all worthy.
I don't know Frazz, I think I might have to agree with John on this one... I mean the fuzzies taking on a Legion of the Emperor's best men and winning?
Then again, VI does give us ITS A TRAP....
Agreed, but thats why God invented fast forward. The Tatooine and Death Star II scenes are worthy additions.
GoFenris wrote:
Frazzled wrote:Agreed, but thats why God invented fast forward. The Tatooine and Death Star II scenes are worthy additions.
Well, with that logic if you simply hit skip scene on the Star Wars Episode II DVD (Y'know, just skip any scene in which Anakin and Padme are alone together) Episode II isn't half bad.
Both very good points, in fact in EpII I often do that just to watch the Kamino parts and the Battle of Geinosis.
While I agree with much of what you had up there, cant say I've seen 1980 RtoK or the first movie you had up there. Episode Three was the best out of the Prequel Movies, One was by far worse.
Oh and Episode V was the best Star Wars.
It was the wiener they got to play Anakin. Plus, I remember seeing the original ones in the cinema, so I think I had real high expectations. In fairness, I thought episodes I-III were all terrible. One had Jar-Jar. Two had the guy who played Anakin and was too slowly paced, and Three had the same Anakin and MacGregor looked like he mailed his performance in. Lucas' best movie was THX-1138.
Don't bother watching MegaForce - it sucks so bad you'll want to kill yourself afterwards. The lead guy rocks a powder blue headband in his bullet proof spandex jumpsuit while being GI JOE on his super Motorcycle. He also says stuff like, " Even in the 80s, the good guys win."
Return of the King 1980 is on Youtube. Trust me, way, way, way, way, way too much singing.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Gymkata was really bad too.
Khornholio wrote:...Don't bother watching MegaForce - it sucks so bad you'll want to kill yourself afterwards. The lead guy rocks a powder blue headband in his bullet proof spandex jumpsuit while being GI JOE on his super Motorcycle. He also says stuff like, " Even in the 80s, the good guys win."
Gymkata was really bad too.
Megaforce! Yikes that was bad. That's what happens when people usually associated with Broadway get together and try to do a Action/Adventure/Comedy. It turns out to be none of those three. Brad, uh, I mean Barry Bostowick is NOT an action star.
Gymkata! I had completely forgotten about that one. Wasn't that with some gold medal gymnast? That one was really bad and I was a teenager and into Martial Arts then and still thought it sucked. I think you may be the winner!
Holy Gak!,I can't belive I forgot about Megaforce,I can't watch it now with out half expecting Tim Curry to show up and start singing,or for Meatloaf to ride up on one of those snazzy rokkit launching motorcycles,his gold spandex body suit screaming for mercy.
Oh yes,Megaforce was REAL bad.
@ GoFenris,yes Gymkata was awful,but for truely eye pulling out martial arts films of the 80s it dosen't hold a candle to "Kill or be killed" or "Kill and Kill again",staring James Ryan....mind numbingly awful stuff.
Star Quest 2 (or Galactic Odyssey as it's sometimes known) a terrible film with Robert Englund in it, it's yet another movie that rehashes the special effects and space battles from the (actually very good) magnificent seven in space film, Battle Beyond the Stars.
Inseminoid - very dodgy alien rip off horror sci-fi, it's just bloody awful. Both this and the Star Quest 2 movie are examples where I've come home drunk in the wee small hours and started watching and been aware, despite the vast quantities of sambuca in my system, that they are truly dreadful.
BrotherStynier wrote:Just in case they haven't been mentioned all ready I am adding the American "Godzilla" and Godzilla vs King Kong.
Oh and Godzilla's Revenge... thats horrible as well.
Aw, c'mon, Godzilla vs King Kong has bad suits but the movie is okay, well okay-- and Godzilla's Revenge aka All Monsters Attack was made for small children. It is not fair to say that it's bad.
Although I do agree with the American Godzilla, it was a lot like Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.
But if we're talking Godzilla, the last one made (2004) almost edges out the American Godzilla film as the worst. Godzilla: Final Wars. I think Godzilla was only on screen for 6 or 7 minutes. It was kind of like the Matrix meets Power Rangers with a little Godzilla thrown in. Although it did have a great scene in which big G handles American Godzilla aka Zilla in about three seconds.
BrotherStynier wrote:Just in case they haven't been mentioned all ready I am adding the American "Godzilla" and Godzilla vs King Kong.
Oh and Godzilla's Revenge... thats horrible as well.
Aw, c'mon, Godzilla vs King Kong has bad suits but the movie is okay, well okay--
I may just be letting personal feelings get in the way I hate that Ape.
and Godzilla's Revenge aka All Monsters Attack was made for small children. It is not fair to say that it's bad.
I beg to differ, I saw that movie as a child and still hated it.
Although I do agree with the American Godzilla, it was a lot like Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.
But if we're talking Godzilla, the last one made (2004) almost edges out the American Godzilla film as the worst. Godzilla: Final Wars. I think Godzilla was only on screen for 6 or 7 minutes. It was kind of like the Matrix meets Power Rangers with a little Godzilla thrown in. Although it did have a great scene in which big G handles American Godzilla aka Zilla in about three seconds.
Yes, my name is GoFenris and I am a Kaijuphile.
Give IJatCS more credit than that. I never saw final wars, the most I saw of it was when I looked up the fight between Godzilla and Zilla. Out of the Millennium saga movies I liked Godzilla 2000 and Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack
BrotherStynier wrote:I don't know Frazz, I think I might have to agree with John on this one... I mean the fuzzies taking on a Legion of the Emperor's best men and winning?
Someone threw a fit about that in the Star Wars versus 40k thread. That one was funny.
Also, when it comes to bad movies, I forgot a pretty big one:
I thought Zombie Diaries had some interesting moments,and had the potential to be very good (had it not been so jumbled),but of course the zombie film lover in me demands that I had to at least find something redeamable about it.
However,if there is one Zombie film I can find no value what so ever in,it has to be the unholy mess that is Uwe Bolls "House of the dead",after watching the first 20 minutes of this gak I honestly wanted to hunt down every person responsible for it's production,douse them in gasoline,and toss a match.
Cheese Elemental wrote:Allow me to add The Day After Tomorrow. Yeah, I know global warming is something we should try and fix... but... flash-freezing tidal waves? WTF?
Once again Cheese,when your right your right,,although I did enjoy some of the scenes of mayhem and destruction as New York was engulfed.
Cheese Elemental wrote:Allow me to add The Day After Tomorrow. Yeah, I know global warming is something we should try and fix... but... flash-freezing tidal waves? WTF?
Once again Cheese,when your right your right,,although I did enjoy some of the scenes of mayhem and destruction as New York was engulfed.
"Turkish" anything sucks big time. "Lion Man 2", a Turkish cinematic masterpiece <hack, cough, hack, hack, cough, cough> is just as bad as Turkish Star Wars. But the title itself implies more tragedy, Lion Man 2. 2. This implies a sequel. This implies that Lion Man (A New Hope) was successful enough somewhere that a sequel was made.
I hereby curse film goers of the mid 80s in the middle East. Just because it was popular in Tyre, Antioch and the disputed zone doesn't mean that Gak flies on Khornholio's crummy Laptop of Destiny in this foul year, 2009 AD.
But I agree, Turkish Star Wars is a horrible film. You can't even suspend your disbelief if you are drunk on tequila it is so lousy.
Baby Geniuses?! Baby Geniuses?! How about Baby Geniuses II? Starring Chachi from Happy Days. Ugh. I never want to see a movie again. All movies should just be live versions of Metalocalypse. or close to it.
The Turkish film industry has a curious tradition of appropriating Hollywood classics and remaking them on a budget roughly equivalent to the price of lunch at a neighborhood kebab shop. Devoted readers of Film Threat will recall "The Turkish Wizard of Oz," which tossed the MGM classic over an Istanbul rainbow and into a realm of utter surrealism, and there are also Turkish-based versions of "Star Trek," "Tarzan," "Superman" and even "E.T." lurking about.
However, none of this knowledge could possibly prepare you for the jaw-dropping insanity of "The Turkish Star Wars." This film is not actually a scene-for-scene remake of the George Lucas landmark, although it shamelessly pirated the special effects footage from the 1977 original and tacked it into a feverish nightmare of celluloid dementia which needs to be seen if only to prove how far the minds of lunatic filmmakers can run. Prepare yourself, because the only way to appreciate "The Turkish Star Wars" is to follow the storyline through its labyrinthine lunacy.
Long ago in a Turkish-speaking galaxy far, far away, the universe is being imperiled by a quartet of evildoers: two bush-haired men wearing Mardi Gras costumes, a slutty babe dressed as Cleopatra, and a blue robot with an ambulance light on his head. (I am not making this up...I could not possibly make this up!) Their fleet of spaceships go to war against the flying saucers of a heroic group of rebels, and for several minutes the screen is filled with F/X footage from a battered print of "Star Wars." There's no Luke Skywalker here, but instead we have two middle-aged space jockeys (Cuneyt Arkin and Ayetkin Akkaya) who are leading the rebel attack. Unfortunately, there was no budget for a spaceship set here, so the heroes are photographed in very tight close-ups while footage from "Star Wars" plays on a rear projection behind them.
A dastardly laser beam smashes the space jockeys' ship and they plummet through the heavens to a barren planet. Or at least that's what assumed...there was also no money to depict this, so director Cetin Inanc rushes things along by having his heroes emerge completely unscathed from a sand dune and talk about their crash. They are stranded in a rough terrain, although a glimpse on a far horizon reveals grainy stock footage of the Sphinx and the pyramids. But rather than try to see if there's an Omar Sharif retrospective playing at the Cairo Film Forum, the heroes trek in the opposite direction.
Suddenly, a half-dozen knights in flowing red capes come charging on horseback. Our heroes launch into Jackie Chan-style martial arts maneuvers and the knights come tumbling down (even though the various karate chops land a good 10 inches away making actual facial contact). The soundtrack inexplicably blasts with the music from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" as the dynamic duo ride off into a low-rent version of "Sparactus," where skinny gladiators hack away at skinny slaves (it seems no one on this muscle-free planet ever heard of creatine). After disposing of the gladiators with their karate chopping, the heroes are greeted by a foxy bleached-blonde babe who is wearing a leather headband and enough red lipstick that she could paint a house by kissing it. They retreat into a cave populated by unwashed little boys wearing nightgowns.
As luck would have it, the cave dwellers are suddenly attacked by a tribe of mummies who come crashing through the stone walls with the same finesse as the giant Kool-Aid pitcher who ran amok in the old TV commercials. The mummies begin slashing the little boys to death with their talon-sharp fingernails, and the chaos intensifies as a troop of furry creatures who resemble the Beatles in their "I Am the Walrus" costumes from "Magical Mystery Tour" suddenly show up to kill more children.
The space jockeys, the foxy faux-blonde, and one little boy escape to the mountains and the heroic he-man decide to begin training for another battle. An endless sequence follows with the guys karate chopping cardboard boulders, doing ærobics, and running long distances with paper rocks strapped to their legs. The guys accomplish these Olympian feats while shirtless, displaying physiques which would be adequate if they were certified public accountants but which seem fairly underdeveloped for movie superheroes. One of the guys bloodies his hand during the training and the lippy blonde washes his wounds with seaweed...although just where she obtained seaweed in the mountains is not explained.
Remembering that they are starring in "The Turkish Star Wars," the heroes then find a bar which is supposed to recall the zany bar in the 1977 classic. The bar patrons here include a few skinny gladiators, men wearing rubber masks, and a few of the "Magical Mystery Tour" knock-offs. The space jockeys take a table and begin drinking from cups which are strangely empty of any liquid. A fight breaks out and the space jockeys beat everyone to a pulp.
However, this is all a trap as the evil quartet seeking to take over the world (remember them?) capture everybody and take them to their headquarters. Despite threats of physical violence and the promise of hootchy-kootchy with the Cleopatra-wannabe member of the quartet, our heroes refuse to join the forces of darkness.
Needless to say, yet another fight breaks out and several furry creatures have their arms and legs severed by some well-placed karate chops. Then an eight-foot-tall yeti appears, but the heroes stomp on him until he is out cold. The Cleopatra look-alike complains to one of the Mardi Gras kings, who turns her into a zombie and then into a spider.
During this chaos, one of the space jockeys is abducted and is imprisoned by being tied to a concrete slab with a telephone cord stuffed in his mouth. The other hero is sent by a holy man to take the foxy faux-blonde on a journey to an ancient church, where they are to locate a cardboard sword shaped like a lightning bolt and a box containing a green brain. These treasures are guarded by men wearing tin foil suits. A few karate chops later, the sword and brain are secured and the hero somehow locates his abducted pal and frees him from being tied to a concrete slab. But his freedom is short-lived, as he is soon killed in a booby-trapped doorway. The surviving hero melts the sword into liquid and dips his hands into the mix, coming up with new golden gloves. The green brain decomposes into a maggots' buffet.
Now it's time for a showdown between our golden gloved good guy and the entire cast of miscreants. A huge rumble takes place in an open field, with the villains getting their heads decapitated left and right. While this is going on , footage from the outer space battles in "Star Wars" is repeated, along with scenes from a film about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. After much derring-do and chopping, the bad guys are vanquished and everyone lives happily ever after. The man with the golden gloves goes back into outer space, leaving his chemically-enhanced blonde lady friend behind to clean up all of the severed heads.
What can anyone say? "The Turkish Star Wars" makes film criticism moot. From the early days of the flickering shadow scenes in the Lumiere Brothers's shorts through today's digital cinema, there has never been a film
youbedead wrote: The Turkish film industry has a curious tradition of appropriating Hollywood classics and remaking them on a budget roughly equivalent to the price of lunch at a neighborhood kebab shop. Devoted readers of Film Threat will recall "The Turkish Wizard of Oz," which tossed the MGM classic over an Istanbul rainbow and into a realm of utter surrealism, and there are also Turkish-based versions of "Star Trek," "Tarzan," "Superman" and even "E.T." lurking about.
However, none of this knowledge could possibly prepare you for the jaw-dropping insanity of "The Turkish Star Wars." This film is not actually a scene-for-scene remake of the George Lucas landmark, although it shamelessly pirated the special effects footage from the 1977 original and tacked it into a feverish nightmare of celluloid dementia which needs to be seen if only to prove how far the minds of lunatic filmmakers can run. Prepare yourself, because the only way to appreciate "The Turkish Star Wars" is to follow the storyline through its labyrinthine lunacy.
Long ago in a Turkish-speaking galaxy far, far away, the universe is being imperiled by a quartet of evildoers: two bush-haired men wearing Mardi Gras costumes, a slutty babe dressed as Cleopatra, and a blue robot with an ambulance light on his head. (I am not making this up...I could not possibly make this up!) Their fleet of spaceships go to war against the flying saucers of a heroic group of rebels, and for several minutes the screen is filled with F/X footage from a battered print of "Star Wars." There's no Luke Skywalker here, but instead we have two middle-aged space jockeys (Cuneyt Arkin and Ayetkin Akkaya) who are leading the rebel attack. Unfortunately, there was no budget for a spaceship set here, so the heroes are photographed in very tight close-ups while footage from "Star Wars" plays on a rear projection behind them.
A dastardly laser beam smashes the space jockeys' ship and they plummet through the heavens to a barren planet. Or at least that's what assumed...there was also no money to depict this, so director Cetin Inanc rushes things along by having his heroes emerge completely unscathed from a sand dune and talk about their crash. They are stranded in a rough terrain, although a glimpse on a far horizon reveals grainy stock footage of the Sphinx and the pyramids. But rather than try to see if there's an Omar Sharif retrospective playing at the Cairo Film Forum, the heroes trek in the opposite direction.
Suddenly, a half-dozen knights in flowing red capes come charging on horseback. Our heroes launch into Jackie Chan-style martial arts maneuvers and the knights come tumbling down (even though the various karate chops land a good 10 inches away making actual facial contact). The soundtrack inexplicably blasts with the music from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" as the dynamic duo ride off into a low-rent version of "Sparactus," where skinny gladiators hack away at skinny slaves (it seems no one on this muscle-free planet ever heard of creatine). After disposing of the gladiators with their karate chopping, the heroes are greeted by a foxy bleached-blonde babe who is wearing a leather headband and enough red lipstick that she could paint a house by kissing it. They retreat into a cave populated by unwashed little boys wearing nightgowns.
As luck would have it, the cave dwellers are suddenly attacked by a tribe of mummies who come crashing through the stone walls with the same finesse as the giant Kool-Aid pitcher who ran amok in the old TV commercials. The mummies begin slashing the little boys to death with their talon-sharp fingernails, and the chaos intensifies as a troop of furry creatures who resemble the Beatles in their "I Am the Walrus" costumes from "Magical Mystery Tour" suddenly show up to kill more children.
The space jockeys, the foxy faux-blonde, and one little boy escape to the mountains and the heroic he-man decide to begin training for another battle. An endless sequence follows with the guys karate chopping cardboard boulders, doing ærobics, and running long distances with paper rocks strapped to their legs. The guys accomplish these Olympian feats while shirtless, displaying physiques which would be adequate if they were certified public accountants but which seem fairly underdeveloped for movie superheroes. One of the guys bloodies his hand during the training and the lippy blonde washes his wounds with seaweed...although just where she obtained seaweed in the mountains is not explained.
Remembering that they are starring in "The Turkish Star Wars," the heroes then find a bar which is supposed to recall the zany bar in the 1977 classic. The bar patrons here include a few skinny gladiators, men wearing rubber masks, and a few of the "Magical Mystery Tour" knock-offs. The space jockeys take a table and begin drinking from cups which are strangely empty of any liquid. A fight breaks out and the space jockeys beat everyone to a pulp.
However, this is all a trap as the evil quartet seeking to take over the world (remember them?) capture everybody and take them to their headquarters. Despite threats of physical violence and the promise of hootchy-kootchy with the Cleopatra-wannabe member of the quartet, our heroes refuse to join the forces of darkness.
Needless to say, yet another fight breaks out and several furry creatures have their arms and legs severed by some well-placed karate chops. Then an eight-foot-tall yeti appears, but the heroes stomp on him until he is out cold. The Cleopatra look-alike complains to one of the Mardi Gras kings, who turns her into a zombie and then into a spider.
During this chaos, one of the space jockeys is abducted and is imprisoned by being tied to a concrete slab with a telephone cord stuffed in his mouth. The other hero is sent by a holy man to take the foxy faux-blonde on a journey to an ancient church, where they are to locate a cardboard sword shaped like a lightning bolt and a box containing a green brain. These treasures are guarded by men wearing tin foil suits. A few karate chops later, the sword and brain are secured and the hero somehow locates his abducted pal and frees him from being tied to a concrete slab. But his freedom is short-lived, as he is soon killed in a booby-trapped doorway. The surviving hero melts the sword into liquid and dips his hands into the mix, coming up with new golden gloves. The green brain decomposes into a maggots' buffet.
Now it's time for a showdown between our golden gloved good guy and the entire cast of miscreants. A huge rumble takes place in an open field, with the villains getting their heads decapitated left and right. While this is going on , footage from the outer space battles in "Star Wars" is repeated, along with scenes from a film about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. After much derring-do and chopping, the bad guys are vanquished and everyone lives happily ever after. The man with the golden gloves goes back into outer space, leaving his chemically-enhanced blonde lady friend behind to clean up all of the severed heads.
What can anyone say? "The Turkish Star Wars" makes film criticism moot. From the early days of the flickering shadow scenes in the Lumiere Brothers's shorts through today's digital cinema, there has never been a film
I'm really not sure where else I should do this, I don't know if it would warrant a new thread or anything.
Anyway, I was looking around Imdb, and came across something horrible, very, very horrible.
I read something that said that "The Thing" and "They Live" are being remade.
EDIT: Oh they are also remaking the John Wayne film "True Grit" way too go Hollywood, screw up more movies my dad had me watch when I was younger, whats next the remake John Wayne and John Ford's classic "The Searchers" boy I hope not.
youbedead wrote:
The Turkish film industry has a curious tradition of appropriating Hollywood classics and remaking them on a budget roughly equivalent to the price of lunch at a neighborhood kebab shop. Devoted readers of Film Threat will recall "The Turkish Wizard of Oz," which tossed the MGM classic over an Istanbul rainbow and into a realm of utter surrealism, and there are also Turkish-based versions of "Star Trek," "Tarzan," "Superman" and even "E.T." lurking about.
However, none of this knowledge could possibly prepare you for the jaw-dropping insanity of "The Turkish Star Wars." This film is not actually a scene-for-scene remake of the George Lucas landmark, although it shamelessly pirated the special effects footage from the 1977 original and tacked it into a feverish nightmare of celluloid dementia which needs to be seen if only to prove how far the minds of lunatic filmmakers can run. Prepare yourself, because the only way to appreciate "The Turkish Star Wars" is to follow the storyline through its labyrinthine lunacy.
Long ago in a Turkish-speaking galaxy far, far away, the universe is being imperiled by a quartet of evildoers: two bush-haired men wearing Mardi Gras costumes, a slutty babe dressed as Cleopatra, and a blue robot with an ambulance light on his head. (I am not making this up...I could not possibly make this up!) Their fleet of spaceships go to war against the flying saucers of a heroic group of rebels, and for several minutes the screen is filled with F/X footage from a battered print of "Star Wars." There's no Luke Skywalker here, but instead we have two middle-aged space jockeys (Cuneyt Arkin and Ayetkin Akkaya) who are leading the rebel attack. Unfortunately, there was no budget for a spaceship set here, so the heroes are photographed in very tight close-ups while footage from "Star Wars" plays on a rear projection behind them.
A dastardly laser beam smashes the space jockeys' ship and they plummet through the heavens to a barren planet. Or at least that's what assumed...there was also no money to depict this, so director Cetin Inanc rushes things along by having his heroes emerge completely unscathed from a sand dune and talk about their crash. They are stranded in a rough terrain, although a glimpse on a far horizon reveals grainy stock footage of the Sphinx and the pyramids. But rather than try to see if there's an Omar Sharif retrospective playing at the Cairo Film Forum, the heroes trek in the opposite direction.
Suddenly, a half-dozen knights in flowing red capes come charging on horseback. Our heroes launch into Jackie Chan-style martial arts maneuvers and the knights come tumbling down (even though the various karate chops land a good 10 inches away making actual facial contact). The soundtrack inexplicably blasts with the music from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" as the dynamic duo ride off into a low-rent version of "Sparactus," where skinny gladiators hack away at skinny slaves (it seems no one on this muscle-free planet ever heard of creatine). After disposing of the gladiators with their karate chopping, the heroes are greeted by a foxy bleached-blonde babe who is wearing a leather headband and enough red lipstick that she could paint a house by kissing it. They retreat into a cave populated by unwashed little boys wearing nightgowns.
As luck would have it, the cave dwellers are suddenly attacked by a tribe of mummies who come crashing through the stone walls with the same finesse as the giant Kool-Aid pitcher who ran amok in the old TV commercials. The mummies begin slashing the little boys to death with their talon-sharp fingernails, and the chaos intensifies as a troop of furry creatures who resemble the Beatles in their "I Am the Walrus" costumes from "Magical Mystery Tour" suddenly show up to kill more children.
The space jockeys, the foxy faux-blonde, and one little boy escape to the mountains and the heroic he-man decide to begin training for another battle. An endless sequence follows with the guys karate chopping cardboard boulders, doing ærobics, and running long distances with paper rocks strapped to their legs. The guys accomplish these Olympian feats while shirtless, displaying physiques which would be adequate if they were certified public accountants but which seem fairly underdeveloped for movie superheroes. One of the guys bloodies his hand during the training and the lippy blonde washes his wounds with seaweed...although just where she obtained seaweed in the mountains is not explained.
Remembering that they are starring in "The Turkish Star Wars," the heroes then find a bar which is supposed to recall the zany bar in the 1977 classic. The bar patrons here include a few skinny gladiators, men wearing rubber masks, and a few of the "Magical Mystery Tour" knock-offs. The space jockeys take a table and begin drinking from cups which are strangely empty of any liquid. A fight breaks out and the space jockeys beat everyone to a pulp.
However, this is all a trap as the evil quartet seeking to take over the world (remember them?) capture everybody and take them to their headquarters. Despite threats of physical violence and the promise of hootchy-kootchy with the Cleopatra-wannabe member of the quartet, our heroes refuse to join the forces of darkness.
Needless to say, yet another fight breaks out and several furry creatures have their arms and legs severed by some well-placed karate chops. Then an eight-foot-tall yeti appears, but the heroes stomp on him until he is out cold. The Cleopatra look-alike complains to one of the Mardi Gras kings, who turns her into a zombie and then into a spider.
During this chaos, one of the space jockeys is abducted and is imprisoned by being tied to a concrete slab with a telephone cord stuffed in his mouth. The other hero is sent by a holy man to take the foxy faux-blonde on a journey to an ancient church, where they are to locate a cardboard sword shaped like a lightning bolt and a box containing a green brain. These treasures are guarded by men wearing tin foil suits. A few karate chops later, the sword and brain are secured and the hero somehow locates his abducted pal and frees him from being tied to a concrete slab. But his freedom is short-lived, as he is soon killed in a booby-trapped doorway. The surviving hero melts the sword into liquid and dips his hands into the mix, coming up with new golden gloves. The green brain decomposes into a maggots' buffet.
Now it's time for a showdown between our golden gloved good guy and the entire cast of miscreants. A huge rumble takes place in an open field, with the villains getting their heads decapitated left and right. While this is going on , footage from the outer space battles in "Star Wars" is repeated, along with scenes from a film about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. After much derring-do and chopping, the bad guys are vanquished and everyone lives happily ever after. The man with the golden gloves goes back into outer space, leaving his chemically-enhanced blonde lady friend behind to clean up all of the severed heads.
What can anyone say? "The Turkish Star Wars" makes film criticism moot. From the early days of the flickering shadow scenes in the Lumiere Brothers's shorts through today's digital cinema, there has never been a film
that overview was about 5 times more entertaining then the movie.
Worst Movie I ever watched was "Jeepers Creepers", media hyped it up as the worst Horror movie ever made ... ... ... I spent the whole time laughing my ass off, it was so pathetic it was actually funny.
Never bothered to see Jeepers Creepers 2, and to this day can't even understand why they would even want to make a second.
Automatically Appended Next Post: I'm also a Monty Python fan, but was very disappointed with the solo attempt made by Terry Gilliam and Michael Palin of the film the Jabberwocky. I still sat through it though.
You could tell they were trying to make it Monty-ish, but without Eric Idle, John Cleese and Graham Chapman it just doesn't have the same appeal ... ... ... Give me "Life of Brian" anyday
Agreed,I thought Armaggedon was actualy entertaining for what it was,I also disagree with Harlem Nights bieng on the list,I thought that it was a very funy movie.
BrookM wrote:Most remakes blow. There's also Enemy at the Gates, Pearl Harbor and Quantum of Solace.
George Spiggott wrote:In no particular order: 300, Sin City, Batman Begins, Wolverine Origins, Transformers 2.
BrookM wrote:Watchmen, X-Men 3, DOOM
WHAT!?
MeanGreenStompa wrote:
barlio wrote:2nd Resident Evil movie.
/swipe
Listen you, not only was mila 'leelomultipass' jovovich in that, the second one had that other insanely hot looking lass playing Jill Valentine. It had zombies, zombie dogs, lickers in a church. It wasn't 7samurai but it was watchable with a beer and a packet of peanuts.
Now go and think about what you've done...
MeanGreenStompa wrote:Actually, they gave Watchmen 3 hours, it could have been horribly crammed into 1hour20mins. I am a fan of the book and very much enjoyed the movie. It is for an adult audience by the way...not 10 year olds.
Here's one to take with a glass of water before bed... War of the World with Tom Cruise...or as it should have been known TOM CRUISE (with the occasional thing blowing up).
I fething hated that vehicle for his tiny evilness.
MGS. I Bow to your awesome.
garret wrote:i actucally liked the prequals.
mind...numbing...hatred...
Emperors Faithful wrote:-Da Vince Code. SO crap. Worse storyline EVA!
-Watchmen. My 10-year-old bro watched that with me. I think he still has nightmares. We actually didn't expect it to turn out like it did. (Although a guy getting chucked out a window first scene should have been a little warning)
-Star Trek: Nemesis. The only good part was when the ship crashed. Never watching Trekkie films EVA again!
Emperors Faithful wrote:hey, HE picked it.
My little brother watched ALIENS, and while I was gaking myself, he LUAGHED. I was also deeply disturbed by the grim goryness of Watchmen, but I got the point of it. Very interesting towards the end, but basically crap for a lot of it.
EF; WTF WERE YOU THINKING!? Aliens and Watchmen are in COPMLETELY different cricket pitches from one another. ESPECIALLY when it came to the gore and twistedness.
Also, Why has no-one put up Babylon A.D., Blade Trinity (or whatever the third one is) or Cabin Fever
Reign of Fire
The Crow's sequal
First Knight (I had no choice)
Knowing
I want to especially blast reign of fire and knowing for such great sounding blurbs, sounding like stuff I was interested in but instead being time in my life I would consider suing the filmakers to get back.
Well i got the list from a website don't blame me. I also think Water World was horrible. Also what should be on that list is Halo because it was never made XD. the movie would of sucked.
.
What the 
have you been smoking?!?!?! I'll assume that's a typo and the film titles were meant to be in the other order.
*sulks in corner*
,in fact here are a few other "great" films your friends might enjoy 
